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Reconciliation

Genesis 33: 1-18

The story of chapter 33 so far, two brothers hadn’t seen each other for 20 years, meet reconcile and settle down together in different parts of the same land. This is remarkable when they parted one was going to kill the other and now, they’re living in peace. So, this is a simple story of Jacob and Esau were reconciled and the peacefully together in the same land. That sums it all up. 

What we can learn about reconciliation from this story?I suggested last time that this chapter was telling us about reconciliation. Is there anybody you need to be reconciled with, do you need to reconcile with someone? What can we learn from this passage?

Let me make some suggestions, I have four. 

Observation number one. 

Have you noticed how this passage does not say anything about discussing any details of the fall out in the past? I’ve been involved in cases where people were in conflict with each other, and they wanted to be reconciled with each other. In many of those cases, one or both of them wanted to go over all the details of the past and hash them over to really convince the other person that they were wrong in what they did and that they themselves where in the right.  One person and sometimes both persons were absolutely sure that the other person was in the wrong. So much so that I think there are times where two people who have fallen out and unable to reconcile for that very  reason, they can’t agree on whose fault it was.  They can’t agree on the details of the past, and consequently they still remain unable to deal with each other amicably in the future. Let me make an observation, and I want to be very careful about how I word it. I think that there are cases where the past needs to be addressed that often needs to be done but I think this passage teaches us that it doesn’t have to be done that way every time. Now I think it depends on the situation and the individuals involved, but I believe this story is telling us that reconciliation does have to involve dragging up the past in every case, because that is not what happened in this case and I think that’s helpful and instructive for us to know.

Resolving all the details is not always necessary. It is possible for two people who are in conflict with each other to come to an agreement and say we’re not going to agree on all the details of how we got to where we are, but we can forgive each other and move on, maybe even be well disposed to one another from now on. So, observation 1. Resolving all the details is not always necessary when seeking reconciliation. One ‘old school’ Bible teacher I read said, “it is possible to reach a perfectly satisfactory harmony between two people whilst at the same time failing to agree on the basis of how such harmony was achieved’. Sometimes to people can just let go of the past and move on and can agree to let bygones be bygones. I think it depends on the seriousness of the situation; I think it depends on the individuals involved and I don’t think there’s any absolute rule laid out in the scripture, that you have to deal with or agree on what happened in the past. So don’t let a different view of past events be a block to you seeking resolution with someone you should be reconciled with.

I just want to throw on the table the observation that in this case they did not go back and discuss the original disagreement, but they still reconciled and lived harmoniously thereafter nonetheless.

Second observation.

I mentioned this earlier that to be reconciled somebody has to make the first move. Perhaps it should be, as in this case, the guilty one who initiated the problem that should move first. Jacob cheated Esau, and who made the first move? Jacob, Now it I don’t believe it should always be that way, as a matter of fact, there two passages in the New Testament that talk about reconciliation. One of those, Matthew Chapter 5, and the other is, Matthew chapter 18. In Matthew 5 Jesus says, 

“ If anyone slaps you on the right cheek, turn to them the other cheek also”.

(Matthew 5: 39b)

So clearly having received the offence Jesus says to immediate initiate forgiveness. In Matthew 18, 

“Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times”.

(Matthew 18: 21-22)

It seems to me that in Matthew 18 Jesus saying if you're the guilty person, you need to go first. In the other passage (Matt 5) Jesus is saying if the other person is guilty, you need to go first. What that tells me is I don’t think there’s any fast, hard and fast rule, except obviously somebody has got to make the first move. But if if we are a believer in Jesus Christ and the other person is not we should always in all situations be prepared  to make the first move.

Observation No 3.

This is very important. Humility is always needed. Jacob approached Esau with an extremely humble attitude, calling him Lord and calling himself a servant. I pointed this out several times as we went through the passage. It happened many times in this chapter, and the fact that it says it over and over again is narrative technique to reflect the fact that Jacob was coming with an extremely humble attitude.

Humility begins with acknowledging the Lord, and our moral position as we stand before him. Throughout Jacob’s first meeting with Esau, he is seen to acknowledge the Lords blessing in his life. I pointed that out as we were going through the passage and after the first meeting was over, that Jacob praised the Lord. The passage ends with that, so that throughout the entire chapter he is acknowledging the Lord. Our natural human nature is not to be humble, but to be proud, we want to boast and say, look at me, look what I did.

If you just compare yourself to other people, you can easily end up proud of fact that you are better than some other people. I don’t know how many people have said, I’m a good person, I’ve never stolen anything, I’ve never killed anybody. They always pick the commandments they Haven’t break. Right.  Ask yourself have ever told a lie? Oh well, I suppose we all have, once or twice, now and again. Have you ever been jealous of anyone, have you ever covets something, that’s a tough one because it doesn’t ask us what we have done or not done? It asks us about how we feel. We can’t just pick the commandments we happened to have obeyed, recently.You see, the point is that if you compare yourself with other people you always can  come out looking pretty good. I’m better than so and so, or I’m better than I used to be. If you compare yourself with other people, well, you can always find somebody that’s worse than you, ut when you see yourself as compared to Jesus, humility comes rather swiftly. The Bible says don’t compare yourself against other people, compare yourself against God’s perfect standard, because the Bible says, it says , “We have all have sinned and come short of the glory of God”. God only son Jesus is the standard. If you really see yourself as  compared to him, there's nothing to be proud about and there is a whole lot to be humble about. 

A lot has happened in Jacobs here, a lot has  happened in during his twenty years away from home. He has come back after  20 years later, a humble man. Here Jacob is, acknowledging his faults and having an entirely different perspective on his brother and an entirely different perspective on himself. The Lord is almighty, he said is the master. I am the servant and he is also prepared to submit himself in humility towards his brother also. I can’t think of a better piece of advice to give someone who’s looking to be reconciled with somebody else. Approach the situation and the other person with a humble attitude. One that recognizes your position as one who has also been forgiven by the Lord first, but also, recognising that the other person is made in the image of God and it worthy of your compassion .Remembering Christ died them as well, is always helpful.

I have a fourth and final suggestion. 

The first is that you don’t necessarily have to rehearse all the old details. The second is somebody’s got initiate, someone got to move first. The third is when you do move, do it with a little humility. However, there’s something that’s easy to miss in this passage on reconciliation, and I want to end with it. 

Pray, in all these thing prayer is absolutely vital.

The previous chapter talks about the fact that Jacob wrestled with the Lord all night about these issues. We’ve looked at these chapters separately, but if you look at the story as a unit, and you walk away with the impression that he really prayed about this thing before they got together. Someone has said as the narrative unfolds, it is not Jacobs plan that succeeded, but his prayer. When he met with Esau, he found that Esau had a change of heart, running to meet Jacob, Esau embraced him and kissed him and wept. All of Jacob’s plans and schemes in the end were seen to have come to nothing. But the Lord answered his prayer. The Lord can change even the most stubborn heart. The Lord can make the hostile person inclined to peace. The overall narrative of the complete story across four chapters portrays the reconciliation of the brothers as an answer to Jacob’s prayer. In spite of it all Jacob had done wrong God had used Jacob’s prayers as a way to prepare the path of reconciliation.

God is the God of reconciliation the Bible says that very clearly. Second Corinthians, chapter five, tells us, he has reconciled us to himself. But he wants us to be reconciled to each other, particularly if  we are believers. So, seek to be reconciled with anyone you are in conflict with. To do that, first look to the Lord and begin to pray that the Lord would work this out, because in the final analysis, reconciliation is a work of grace. Reconciliation should be sought in prayer, will be rewarded by faith and then should be acknowledged by praise. The restraining intervention of God kept Esau from seeking retaliation against Jacob. Remember, Laban also at one point  was going after Jacob to kill him and God intervened and gave Laban a vision. 

Throughout this whole 20 years in exile both Jacob and Esau have both clearly undergone spiritual transformations. No longer are either of these brother controlled by their sinful passions. All of this is the work of the Lord. I believe, one promise of God we can see revealed bu this story is that those of us who have received God’s grace can trust in God’s promise of protection when we seek a reconciliation with someone else”. I believe that is the fruit for us if we take on board the message of this chapter

We who have received God’s grace can trust in God’s promise of protection when we seek a reconciliation with someone else, no matter how ill-disposed they are to us, or how badly we have treated them in the past ”. So that tells, me no it compels me to go and find someone, who you have been in conflict with and seek to be reconciled with them…. Amen