What is the Limit of Forgiveness.

(Matthew 18:21-35)

Introduction.

Have you ever had someone come to you and say, “will you forgive me”, and you forgive them. Then have you ever had this happen, you forgive them and then had that same person come back to you again and say sorry I did it again please forgive me, again. Then have you ever had that person come back to you again and say, whoops, will you forgive me, again? Have you ever had that happen repeatedly and at some point in all of this you say, wait a minute, enough is enough, there’s got to be a limit to forgiveness a line must have been crossed. Have you ever asked that question of yourself?

Well, that’s question was a question that was once asked of Jesus Christ and he gave an answer, and I’d like for us to look at that answer.

Let me just say that this is a very complex subject, and there are a lot of ramifications to understanding this. For example, just what exactly is forgiveness, what should we mean when you say to somebody, “I forgive you”. Does that mean you never remember it again, and you accept it happening again. And how many times do you need to forgive a person, because it can get really confusing because very often, depending on the offense, there can be tremendous hurt involved. And if you can manage to forgive that person, what do you do with all that emotion? 

Then of course there’s the whole idea of what is your relationship with this person after repeated offenses occur. Like I say, there are a lot of ramifications to this subject, all of which need to be explored. But this was a question that was also asked of Jesus when He was asked, “how many times you should forgive”. So, let’s at least start with that question that was asked of him see his answer was, and then maybe probe some of the ramifications of what that means for us. With that in mind would you turn with me to Matthew chapter 18.

Matthew Ch 18 is one of the five major discourses of Jesus in the gospel accounts, and this one is about relationships. So it seems highly appropriate that in this teaching session Jesus has a discussion about forgiveness. So, I’m going to begin reading with verse 2.

21 Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”22 Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times. 23 “Therefore, the kingdom of heaven is like a king who wanted to settle accounts with his servants. 24 As he began the settlement, a man who owed him ten thousand bags of gold[h] was brought to him. 25 Since he was not able to pay, the master ordered that he and his wife and his children and all that he had be sold to repay the debt. 26 “At this the servant fell on his knees before him. ‘Be patient with me,’ he begged, ‘and I will pay back everything.’ 27 The servant’s master took pity on him, cancelled the debt and let him go. 28 “But when that servant went out, he found one of his fellow servants who owed him a hundred silver coins He grabbed him and began to choke him. ‘Pay back what you owe me!’ he demanded. 29 “His fellow servant fell to his knees and begged him, ‘Be patient with me, and I will pay it back.’ 30 “But he refused. Instead, he went off and had the man thrown into prison until he could pay the debt. 31 When the other servants saw what had happened, they were outraged and went and told their master everything that had happened.32 “Then the master called the servant in. ‘You wicked servant,’ he said, ‘I cancelled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn’t you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?’ 34 In anger his master handed him over to the tortures, until he should pay back all he owed. 35 “This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother or sister from your heart.”

(Matthew 18: 21-35)

This passage consists of a question asked by the apostle Peter in the opening verse, and answer given by Jesus begins in verse 22, and the answer is short and to the point. But he follows up that answer with an explanation which is in the form of a parable, and he goes into quite a bit of detail to illustrate his answer. So, let’s begin by looking at the question.

In order to appreciate this question you need to remember the context of Matthew chapter 18, you will recall that back up in verse 15 Jesus introduced the situation of a fellow believer sinning against you, and he said that if that happens you go to the person and present them with what they have done, and if they repent you will have gained  a brother of sister in Christ. If they don’t do that then take somebody with you to see if you can be reconciled with that person, and if that doesn’t work take it before the church family. If you look at that discussion carefully you will see that in each step of that process the person refused to repent. Implied in that discussion is that somewhere along the line he may ask you to forgive him, that’s not stated, but it’s clearly one of the options as you go through the scenario’s presented. So, it is very logical that after hearing that advise for Peter to ask the question which is what he does in verse 21.

Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?”

(Matthew 18: 21)

Let’s assume then that the fellow believer in this situation does repent and asks for forgiveness. Peter says Lord how often shall my brother sin against me and I forgive him, up to seven times? How did Peter land on seven times, well the Rabbis of that day taught that you should forgive somebody three times and that was the limit, but there is a passage in Amos where the prophet Amos says for three transgressions God forgave but  on the 4th time, he judged them. So, the Rabbis of Jesus’ day took that and said what that means is that God forgave him the three times, we must also, but after that, not so.  If God allows three then Peter is doubling that , plus more, so he doesn’t take the standard answer of the day he says well I’ll be real generous and ask should we forgive double that plus 1, 7 times. Maybe he has learned something about Jesus and grace, and he says alright I’ll go to seven times, that’s more than double the previous limit, is that the new  limit. Jesus answers him and he says.

Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times.

(Matthew 18: 22)

70, time  7, not 7,  why did he say 70x7. Well obviously, he said it because it way beyond what Peter said.  Peter started with seven and Jesus is saying, oh it’s way beyond that. Why did he say 70 x 70. Most commentators go to genesis chapter 4 where it speaks of revenge being enacted after an offence has occurred 70 times. It seems to me Jesus is saying  70 x7 to counter the possibility of even the most virulent expression of revenge being justified. What we need to recognise here that this figure is a starting point for a form of hyperbole which is obviously meant to mean there’s no limit to forgiveness, it’s not just three times it’s not just seven times, it’s not even 70 times, it’s endless, it’s unlimited. We are to show forgiveness without limit, and that is clearly the real point being made here and most bible experts agree with that. I don’t have time to deal with this today, but some also tie the 70 x7 with the prophecy of the 70 weeks of Daniels saying this basically means we have to keep forgiving until the Lord come back.

I like that perspective because the point is there is unlimited forgiveness, which brings up the whole question of what forgiveness is. In order for us to understand the forgiveness that Jesus is talking about, I would like to pause for a moment and analyse what goes on when you are sinned against.

The Human Reaction to and Offence Against Us.

Over the years, talking with people when they have been offended, the most common reaction I hear them say is that, “I am hurt”, that that’s probably the most common comment I’ve ever received. That I understand on a human level but then I came to see there’s a slippery slope between being hurt and being angry. When somebody offends you, you are hurt, and sometimes quite reasonable anger will well up. You can go in a number of different directions from there. Often one of the things that happens is that you are inclined to say something about it, but not necessarily to the person who offended you, but to speak out against that person to others, explaining why you’ve been hurt and why you are angry. But beware because what might often follow is a want to get even, you want revenge. That is the normal course of events but look with me at Ephesians chapter 4 for a moment.

And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamour, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.

(Ephesians 4: 30-31)

Wrestling With Forgiveness.

Clearly in this passage being bitter full of wrath and anger clamour and evil speaking and malice and an attitude of wanting to get even is the opposite of forgiveness. It just seems to me that this passage reflects what I have just said that we get hurt we get angry we speak out and then we want revenge we want to get even we want it now, we might try and sugar coat it and say we just want justice, but what we really want is revenge, which is the opposite of forgiveness. The Greek word forgive translates as to send away, forgiveness involves sending away something, so the question now becomes what do you want to, what do we need to send away?

If you’re wrestling with forgiveness that’s the critical issue, because the thing you need to banish is any hurt or anger or resentment you feel and definitely any desire to retaliate or seek revenge.To grapple with the forgiveness from a biblical point of view means you reaching a point where you are able to send away, turn loose, let go of any anger resentment or the desire to punish someone who has offended you.

If you recall there are verses in the scripture that say things like, “vengeance is mine sayeth the Lord”, “I will repay”, and we are instructed not to lift the hand but to let the Lord to take care of the offense, and when I say offence, I am using the biblical word for when someone has sinned against you. There still may be some intense emotion flying around but I’ll address that later, but you need to let go and understand that when it come too our side of the deal we have to choose love and grace and forgiveness and leave the justice side of thing to God. Someone once has said true forgiveness is surrendering you right to hurt someone you for hurting you. I like that definition, forgiveness is surrendering my right to hurt you for hurting me.

One quick illustration there’s a very famous Christian lady named Corey Ten Boon who if you know the story, she experienced years in a concentration camp in Nazi Germany. She tells the story of one day after she was released many years after she was released, she came face to face with one of the most cruel guards in the prison camp in which she was held. In her book she describes some of the humiliation and the degrading things that she and her sister went through over her years of captivity. This guard was one of the cruellest of them, but one day she found herself in a place where he stood face to face before her with his hand outstretched and said will you forgive me, and this is what she writes.

I stood there with coldness clutching at my heart, but I know that the will can function regardless of the temperature of the heart. I prayed that Jesus would help me. Almost mechanically I thrust out my hand into the one that was stretched out to me, and I experienced an incredible thing. The current started in my shoulder and raced down my arm and sprang into the clutched hand then this warm reconciliation seemed to flood my whole being bringing tears to my eyes. I forgive you brother I cried with my whole heart, for a moment we grasped hold of each other. Then she writes I have never known the love of God so intensely as I did at that moment.

That is the biblical idea that you forgive from the heart and what you might be able to experience is a glimpse of the kind of forgiveness that God exercises through Jesus Christ for you. Forgiveness is free for the one who receives it, but it’s costly for the one that grants it. But the greater the cost, for us, the nearer it is to the being in the place of grace that God wants us to be.

What Jesus is saying to Peter and to us here is we are to forgive and there’s no limit to the number of times or the depth with which you should forgive, it is to be limitless. In order to drive that home, he then tells a rather simple parable about the kingdom of heaven, and we shall look at what that is says, next time.