Living a Godly Single Life. (Matthew 19: 10-12)

 Introduction.

His disciples said to Him, “If such is the case of the man with his wife, it is better not to marry.” But He said to them, “All cannot accept this saying, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born thus from their mother’s womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the kingdom of heaven’s sake. He who is able to accept it, let him accept it.”

(Matthew 19: 10-12)

To fully appreciate what’s going on in these three short verses in Matthew 19 you need to understand what has transpired just prior to these verses. If you will recall this chapter opens with the Pharisees coming to Christ and they’re wanting to test him, actually what they wanted to do was trip him up, at least in the eyes of the people and perhaps even to the political authorities of the day. 

Sexual morality was a hot potato then as it still is today. John the Baptist speaking out on divorce had gotten him killed by Herod Antipas, so they bring up the subject of divorce knowing full well what he would say could perhaps get him in trouble with the religious and the political leaders of the day. There was an attitude in those days that you could get a divorce for just about any reason at any time, but Jesus he gave a much firmer interpretation of the scriptures arguing that from the beginning when God first instituted marriage it was intended to be permanent, and while there may be exceptions where God would allow a divorce, but originally God intended for marriage to be permanent. When the disciples heard that they responded by asking does this mean if marriage is meant to be that permanent is then it better not to marry at all and stay single. 

Is the single life, better than the married life? In order to really appreciate where they’re coming from you need to understand something of what was going on in that day.

So, that’s the backdrop of this question, you’re making divorce so restrictive then maybe we’d be better off not getting married in the first place. What would Jesus say to that, we don’t have to wait long to find out. Jesus’ response is really interesting, he says, well, the single life is not for everyone.

Let’s just pause right there for a second, his first answer is there’s no one rule that applies to everybody, not everybody can handle staying single so whoever wants too can get married. This is what gets really fascinating to me, apparently some are given an ability to remain single I guess that means you could call singleness a gift for some people. This very subject was also discussed by the apostle Paul in first Corinthians Chapter 7, where he discusses his marriage and  celibacy and in the course of doing that, he says this.

For I wish that all men were even as I myself. But each one has his own gift from God, one in this manner and another in that.

(I Corinthians 7: 7)

Paul also seems to be saying that single life is better for some, but then he says this I wish that all men were even as myself, but yet each one has his own gift from . Jesus says singleness has to be given to you and Paul uses the very word gift. So that tells me that some have the gift of remaining single in order to focus their lives on other things. Jesus will go on to explain this to some degree, but in first Corinthians 7 Paul will also go on to explain how he would apply the concept in great detail, in that, sometimes, in some cases, celibacy is a better choice for an individual.

Three Types of Celibacy.

However, let’s go back to of Matthew chapter 19 and look at Jesus explanation in Matthew 19. In verse 12 he gives 3, some might say illustration of celibacy.

First there are eunuchs , as he describes them, those who were born that way from their mother’s womb. Secondly, there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by other men, and third, there are eunuchs who have made themselves celibate for the Kingdom of heaven’s sake.

I want us to look just very briefly at these three situations in which there are people who are celibate and should be celibate the word eunuch is used in the sense of what we would today call celibacy. There are three types of celibacy according to Matthew, the first are nature made. Jesus says there are people who are born this way from their mother’s womb.

It true to say that some people are born and are not capable of human reproduction and as such that they’re just not suited for marriage, particularly 1st century Jewish marriage where the whole purpose of the marriage was to produce children. So, this group is people who are naturally celibate. 

The second group are men who have been made that way by other men. This is totally foreign to anything we know of or anything we experienced today but in the 1st century this was common. Some of the Roman rulers had harems and men were put in charge of the harems, but those men were castrated so that they would be qualified to watch over the women in the harem. So, in that sense they were man made celibates, now we have nothing like that today but in that day Jesus is simply saying some celibates are natural born celibates and some are man-made. 

The third category he says are self-made they voluntarily make themselves celibate for the Kingdom of God. So, they are voluntarily celibates. This is nothing more than people choosing to remain single for spiritual service and I think that’s basically what Jesus is talking about especially in light of what Paul says in first Corinthians Chapter 7, which is almost a commentary on this chapter of Matthew. Jesus is simply saying some people voluntarily refrain from getting married for the Kingdom of heaven. To sum it up there are some who are natural made, some who are man-made and some who are self-made.

Bible experts say John the Baptist was probably single, there is a tradition that John the Apostle was single.  I have known many people who have chosen to stay single for spiritual reasons, they weren’t necessarily nature made they certainly weren’t man-made they were self-made celibates in that they chose to not get married. So that they could give themselves entirely to spiritual service and by staying single they took it for granted that this meant they would not be engaging in sexual relationships.

The sum of this teaching is straightforward, this passage is teaching that celibacy is a gift, something that’s not for everybody but some become celibate for spiritual reasons so that they can spiritually serve the Kingdom of heaven. What does that have to do with most single people today, who would still aspire to get married. For those of us who are already married people it’s too late, we can’t choose the celibacy life within marriage unless that is what both of you want. In what way is the passage helpful to the most of us, what can we glean from this passage?

Advise on Choosing a Partner.

Remember the context within which this passage sits goes all the way back to verse one, and in the first part of the passage which taught what marriage is permanent. It seems to me that one of the implications you can draw from this message is if you’re not married, and if celibacy is not for you and you want to get married maybe you ought to choose your mate carefully. If you’re single and you’ve never been married, and you want to be married you might come up with a list then the first thing on your list ought to be that you marry a believer. In first Corinthians Chapter 7 Paul speaks about a widow and says she is free to marry whomsoever she will, but only in the Lord. So, the scripture says if you’re a believer you should marry a believer, the verse that usually gets quoted in this regard is from Second Corinthians chapter six which says, “Don’t be unequally yoked together”. 

That passage is talking about much more than marriage it is talking about all type of committed contractual relationships, but I do think the principle also applies to marriage because of what Jesus says here in Matthew 19, about what God has joined together, or the word united is sometimes used and that’s the word is also the word that is translated in second Corinthians as yoke. So, while the context and second Corinthians is a little different marriage is still defined as a solemn covenant partnership, creating the image of being untied and pulling together in the same direction. The point being you should not be unequally yoked to an unbeliever. So  biblically the one thing I can say to you for sure is you should marry a believer. If you’re going to have to live with this person for the rest of your life let me tell you some of the characteristics that should describe somebody that’s a disciple of Christ and growing in the fruit of the spirit. Loving, joyful, patient, longsuffering, gentle, good, reliable, faithful self-controlled and yet having all those personal traits with a sense of humility. Not that they have to be perfect, but it is better to marry somebody that’s committed to growing spiritually in that direction. Not that they have arrived at that place but that they at least have a spiritual sense of direction about them.  They’re then much more likely to be sacrificial than selfish they’re much more likely to be a giving person instead of a taking person and if you’re going to spend the rest of your life with this person you wouldn’t want anything else.

All relationships are built on respect and trust and if you know going in that this person is not trustworthy and you don’t respect them in my opinion I would say to you think not twice but three times before getting yoked (so to speak) with them. If you don’t respect and in a sense look up to that person and if you can’t trust them there not marriage material. The more compatible you are spiritually and emotionally you are the better chances you’re going to have of making it. People who have that type of compatibility are more likely to make the complete journey. What I mean by compatibility is that you have the same value system. 

Living the Single Life.

But I also know that the married life doesn’t apply to anybody, As Christians we rightly value marriage but we should also value those who are or who choose to be single and that’s what this passage is ultimately saying. That there is nothing wrong with being single. The bible says there’s nothing wrong with being single and putting pressure on people to get married, even you own children is wrong. If they want to get married that is pressure enough for them to find someone in this spiritual and moral climate.

We actually need to go beyond just accepting single people, in fact I think that most Christians need a little attitude adjustment to understand that it’s perfectly normal to be single. Jesus makes that explicitly clear here. In fact, he said some should stay single for the sake of the  Kingdom of heaven. I think the definitive passage on this is in first Corinthians Chapter 7 where Paul discusses celibacy and explains why some should stay celibate. Let me read you that passage.

But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord. But he who is married cares about the things of the world—how he may please his wife. There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. And this I say for your own profit, not that I may put a leash on you, but for what is proper, and that you may serve the Lord without distraction.

(I Corinthians 7:32-35)

There’s nothing wrong with getting married, that’s not the point but Paul is showing in first Corinthians 7 that there are also good reasons why you can and should consider staying single. Paul says, if you’re a married husband or wife then both of you are going to have to spend time pleasing your mate. But if you’re single you aren’t restricted as Paul would say with the proper obligations of marriage. Celibacy in Paul’s mind can sometimes be preferable because of the obligations that you must discharge in marriage. Singleness can free you up and give you more time to serve the Lord and that’s the point. Single people can serve the Lord without distraction because they don’t have to fulfil their marital obligations. 

That leads me to this conclusion  that the implications of this whole discussion in Matthew 19 and in first Corinthians 7 is that both married people and single people ought to use their available time well for the Kingdom of heaven’s sake. If you’re single, you will have a little more time than everybody else. So, I think the bottom line of this passage is we all should re-examine how we spend our time.

If Paul and Jesus can argue that some can be celibate so they can have more time, maybe that should challenge the rest of us to examine the way we are using our time right now. Let me throw out a challenge, make a commitment to make the study of the Bible part of the rhythm of you daily life. You can do it with me every day as we work our way through the Bible chapter by chapter, verse by verse. Just subscribe and you will never miss another single episode. But there are plenty of other prayer and Bible study resources out there.

I’d would like to finally say that living a celibate life should not be confused with monasticism with which it has been often associated. Celibacy in no way implies withdrawal from people or from normal life to a life of seclusion. In fact, one of the positive attractions of celibacy is that because the single person who has fewer continuing responsibilities, he is free to give to those around them who need our love and help. Instead of a life of limited contact, celibacy can offer a life of increasing involvement with people who need time attention and love. People in emotional or physical distress are people who and are outsiders. I do not believe that first Corinthians 7 or Matthew 19 is a call to seclusion or isolation, rather it seems to be a call to intense involvement with people. In Paul’s case that meant increasing involvement with people as well as with the Lord.

I think all of us need to sit down and examine how we use our time and see how we can carve out some time to say I’m going to use that time for the Lord’s sake.