Christ’s Teaching on Divorce (Mark 10: 1-13)
It seems to me that in any area you want to learn something there are things that you are going to need to learn that you might not like, but you have got to learn them anyway. If we know the Lord and want to be his disciples then we have a curriculum of sorts to follow also, but we don’t get to determine what it is because you are going to be a follower of Jesus Christ, and if you are going to learn from him, then we have to listen to what he says. On a human level I would have loved to have missed this section out, but I suspect you would have noticed I had missed out 12 verses but more importantly the Lord would have known also. In covering this topic, I wish to stress I personally do not have the right to tell anyone how they should live their lives but as a Christian and as a preacher, I can tell you what I believe the bible says about these things.
The subject today is divorce. Maybe your happily married and think this is not relevant to me . Maybe after all this time together you have finally got your wife or husband of mine figured out and you are certainly not planning to divorce them after all these years. Some of you however due to life experience may find this subject intensely interesting because I suspect some of you listening have been profoundly affected by the subject at some point in your life. Maybe some of your children have themselves suffered marital breakdown or divorce. Maybe some of you experienced the divorce of your parents. And maybe some of you have been through the trauma of separation or divorce yourselves. So, on that basis alone it is important that we look and see what I believe Jesus is telling us here.
Marriage and Divorce
1Then He arose from there and came to the region of Judea by the other side of the Jordan. And multitudes gathered to Him again, and as He was accustomed, He taught them again. 2 The Pharisees came and asked Him, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” testing Him. 3 And He answered and said to them, “What did Moses command you?” 4 They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce, and to dismiss her.” 5 And Jesus answered and said to them, “Because of the hardness of your heart he wrote you this precept. 6 But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’ 7 ‘For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, 8 and the two shall become one flesh’; so then they are no longer two, but one flesh. 9 Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” 10 In the house His disciples also asked Him again about the same matter. 11 So He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. 12 And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
(Mark 10: 1-12)
This all starts when Jesus moves form Judea back to Galilee and again crowds of people gather to hear him teach and we see our old friends the Pharisees appear and ask him this question.
“Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?” testing Him, and He answered and said to them, “What did Moses command you.
(Mark 10: 2-3)
The key phrase in this verse to note is that is says, “they were testing him”, they trying to do was trip him up and they ask him what a trick question is really. They pick what is a very controversial subject even in the time of Jesus and that subject is divorce. In the early days of Judaism all a man had to do to divorce his wife was write out that certificate and hand it to his wife, then according to the Jewish law, she could go and marry anyone else she wanted to.
In Jesus’ time it got a little more complicated, but the only difference was you took it and handed it in to the local rabbinical council and the divorce was then final. She couldn’t divorce him, only he could divorce her. Getting a divorce was very easy and totally at the discretion of the husband, simply write a certificate. One school of thought taught that men could divorce their wives for almost any reason no matter how trivial. One source said a man could divorce his wife for “anything that caused “annoyance or embarrassment” to the husband. Examples recorded as suitable grounds for divorce was a wife spilling a dish of food, a wife seen talking to a man in the street, a wife seen looking at a man. A wife speaking with a voice loud enough to be heard in the house next door. In Christs time it was this lax view on marriage and divorce that was prevailing, and woman were being divorced for the most trivial reasons.
The question the Pharisee’s ask here is, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?’ Jesus answers them, ‘What did Moses command you?’ They then say ‘‘Moses permitted a man to write a writ of divorce and send her away”. What is not immediately apparent in reading that verse is this, they are referring is (Deuteronomy 24: 1-4a) The teaching here was that if a man marries a woman and then divorces her, and she then goes and marries another man and divorces him, she cannot come back and remarry the first man she was married to. That is the only point being made on the teaching on marriage and divorce that is being given here in Deuteronomy 24. When Jesus askes them, “what did Moses command you” they said Moses said this, they correctly noted he permitted divorce, but neither Moses or God commanded it. Jesus takes them back to the Old Testament scriptures, he didn’t take them back to the current practice, and he didn’t even take them back to their earlier traditions. He initially refers them right back to what Moses said about the beginning of union and family life. They go back to Deuteronomy 24, but Jesus now goes back to Genesis Chapter 1 when he says.
But from the beginning of the creation, God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’; so, then they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.”
(Mark 10:4-5)
Notice Genesis Chapter 1 doesn’t talk at all about divorce it only talks about marriage. Jesus is saying let’s look right back at the beginning of all things, it was God who instituted marriage and he did it by establishing it between a man and a woman and if God established marriage, he is the one who has the right to lay down the boundary’s as to how it is to be regulated. Jesus is saying marriage is Gods original perfect plan for humankind right from the creation, from the beginning of all things. The point Jesus is making is that God intended marriage to be permanent. If God puts two people together in marriage, then man shouldn’t separate them, as God intended it to be forever. The Pharisee’s quote the Mosaic law about divorce and Jesus says, no, no, we need to go back to the very beginning, what God said in Genesis chapter one? God, he says, instituted marriage as a union between a man and a women and God intended it to be perfect and permanent. A discussion them continues with the disciples when they get back indoors together again.
In the house His disciples also asked Him again about the same matter. So, He said to them, “Whoever divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. And if a woman divorces her husband and marries another, she commits adultery.”
(Mark 10: 10-12)
Now that sound pretty absolute like there are no exceptions under any circumstances. This sounds on the surface like Jesus is saying that all re-marriage is adultery. The problem with that view it ignores the fact that there is another scripture when Jesus is also speaking on this issue, and we see this very same conversation continue.
In Matthew account in chapter 19 Jesus allows for the fact that divorce is allowed in the case of sexual immorality and this scripture in Mark account takes that as read. The scriptures are almost identical but in Matthew it includes this additional section where Jesus adds the caveat of sexual immorality by one partner. Be aware the phrase translated as Sexual immorality in this passage is not just talking about adultery. It is not just talking about a married partner having sex outside of marriage, because this word covers all sorts of sexual immorality. The point Jesus allows for divorce in some circumstances in Matthew Ch 5 and in Matthew Ch 19 he states it is allowed based on any form of sexual immorality. Adultery is definitely one form of sexually immorality but there are others, and you don’t need me to spell them out for you. There is another ground for divorce allowed for in the New Testament. In 1 Corinthians Ch 7, Paul says this.
To the rest I say this (I, not the Lord): If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband.
(1 Corinthians 7: 10-12)
All straightforward so far but here now is the relevant bit.
But if the unbeliever leaves, let it be so. The brother or the sister is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. How do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or, how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife?
(1 Cor 10: 15-16)
In other words, if a Christian believer is married to an unbeliever, and that person does not want to be married to you anymore, it says you are allowed to let them go. In that circumstance a man can let the woman go, or the woman can let the man go. If the unbelieving married partner of a Christian wants out of the marriage, the Christian is no longer under bondage to that relationship. It doesn’t say you should let them go, but if that’s what they want, you are free to let them go. The whole point is, if there has been a legitimate divorce there may also be a legitimate re-marriage. Jesus is teaching marriage is intended to be perfect and permanent and except in these very few exceptions there should not be a divorce and is the way Jesus answered the Pharisee’s at question.
The Old Testament seemed to implies that a man could divorce his wife, but the wife could not divorce the husband, or at least that is how the Pharisee’s choose to interpret it but I believe that Jesus by saying this the way he does, means the New Covenant has elevated both the protection of and the status of woman. And by the way in First Corinthians chapter 7 Paul does the same thing by mentioning man and wife together in the same sentence when it comes to his perspective on this matter.
Jesus and the other New Testament teachings elevate the status of woman to allow them the equal rights to be free from a marriage that is plagued with a sexually immoral or an adulterous man or an unbelieving partner who wants out. Under the previous Jewish system, he could divorce her if she burnt the toast. He could do divorce her, but she couldn’t divorce him but Jesus by his teaching had elevated the woman to put her on the same level as the man when it came to marriage and divorce.
Let me summarise for you then make a couple of closing observations. Moses and then the New Testament allows for divorce however, God’s original intent was that marriage was to be perfect and permanent. In the light of the world, we now live in we need to make several observations.
Firstly, Gods ideal is that marriage should be perfect and permanent and by framing it this way Jesus is reminding people that marriage is not just for pleasure, but it is also a responsibility. He is reminding them that marriage is not just a physical but a spiritual union. This teaching was Jesus attempting to build a spiritual fortress around marriage and the family. I believe if there is any message that needs to be given to our society today, it is that. Remember we are talking about Christian marriage here and those who wish to live their lives under the blessing of that relationship first described in the Bible and we today call the institution of “Christian marriage”. People are free to legally form all sorts of relationship and legal unions today outside of the Christian church, and that is up to them. But Christian marriage is special and is a gift for believers and was given by God for our benefit, God planned it, and God still desires for a Christian marriage to be perfect and permanent.
Secondly, the absolute prohibition of divorce particularly for a woman has been lifted, and the woman rights have been elevated to the same as the man when it comes to the desertion of a non-believing partner, sexual immorality, or unfaithfulness. Under the old Jewish law divorce was actually compulsory in the event of adultery. The very act of adultery dissolved the marriage but under the new covenant even in cases of sexual immorality or unfaithfulness divorce is permitted, but not required, forgiveness can be expressed where appropriate.
However, there is a third tricky scenario for us to consider today. Suppose there has been an earlier divorce but there were no biblically legal ground for it. Then what? Most churches today are filled with divorced people and that is just reality. Any church that has no divorced people attending it is obviously not engaging or impacting the real world or the society and culture in which they live and need to think about that. Divorce is a wrong when it’s not warranted by the reasons given in scripture. However, remember all sins are forgivable. If any of you listening to this are divorced and the breakdown and divorce of a marriage was for the reasons of marital unfaithfulness, or sexual immorality, or because your non-Christian partner wanted out, there is nothing to forgive, and you are free to move on with your life. You are even free to marry again. If your marital breakdown was for any other reason, then you are still able to say, I am sorry Lord I failed in that area of my life. I am sorry, please forgive me. God is in the business of forgiving sin. We need to know that, and divorced people need to know that also. Like everything else in life that falls short of the glory of God, we need to recognise it as sin, we need to confess it as such, and know that God can and will forgive you of all sin.
On a very practical level if a person is divorced and re-married and wasn’t a believer when they got married or divorced the first time ask for forgiveness for any failings on your part. If your previous marriage broke down, you don’t need me to tell you that one or both of you messed up in some way. Take it to the cross and ask for healing or forgiveness, or both, then move on in service of Him. One final thing, we have talked a lot about divorce over the last 20 minutes. I want to spend the last few minutes talking about marriage and about preventing divorce.
Remember first, marriage is a divine institution, God presided, God officiated, over your marriage so this is important so pay attention. Listen again to Mark 10 verses 4&5. “They said, (The Pharisee’s) ‘Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.’ (Jesus replies) ‘It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,’ According to Jesus what caused God to need permit Moses to allow for divorce, it was because “Their hearts were hard” How many times have we landed upon this phrase this last year, again and again. I would like to suggest that to maintain a marriage, or in fact any other important relationship, there must be tender heartedness, not hard heartedness. So, the question becomes is how do you become tender hearted in our married lives?
Get rid of all bitterness, rage, and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.
(Eph 4: 31-32)
Every relationship breakdown starts with anger and resentment, and when the anger lingers it become bitterness and if the bitterness festers it become hard heartedness. Paul says, get rid of those thoughts, instead by kind and compassionate to one another, tender, forgive one another, just as in Christ God forgave you. Not waiting until they apologise before you forgive them, but forgiving them first, before they even know or care or even acknowledge they need forgiveness. Just as in God forgave you, by the way.
Every good marriage needs everyone to remain tender hearted, by constantly forgiving one another. That is an easy thing to say, but we all know it is a whole lot harder to do, especially when we feel angry or resentful. By way of illustration, did you know it is impossible to make a fibre into a string, or a string into a cord, or a cord into a rope, with only two strands? You can twist two strings all you want they won’t bind and become a cord. Two strands on their own can’t be woven, it needs the third strand in place to hold the other two together.
Contrary to popular understanding a strong marriage is not really a partnership. A strong Christian marriage has three people in it, a man, a woman, and the Lord.
I have one final observation on marriage preservation. To prevent conflict, you need to have a tender heart and you need to depend upon the grace of God and finally to prevent conflict, you need to work at it all the time. A happy marriage or for that matter any happy relationship doesn’t just happen automatically. Don’t imagine that means you have to work on changing the other person. You need to work on changing you. Work on being kind, work on being forgiving, and work on being tender hearted. Some say marriage is a 50/50 sort of thing however Christian marriage says you have to give 100%, with no expectation of any return. Marriage takes grace, marriage takes a tender heart, and marriage takes hard work.
I heard of a church in many years ago where at the conclusion of every wedding service the minister asked the bride to follow the tradition of going and pulling on the rope and making the church bell ring. Off she would go but what she didn’t know was the bell need a huge pull to get the bell ringing. It would only be when her husband joined her, and they pulled together could the good news of the marriage be rung heard across the whole community. Marriage friend is much easier if we pull together, and we have the Lord with us to pull with us through the tough times. God bless you all and all of your marriages.