Children and Parents – Parents and Children (Ephesians 6: 1-4)

This Podcast is a project to complete an in-depth, daily study of the entire Bible, chapter by chapter, verse by verse. 

Episode Notes: Children and Parents – Parents and Children (Ephesians 6: 1-4)

Here’s the good news: there is a book that speaks clearly, wisely, and compassionately about the parent‑child relationship. In fact, there is only one book that addresses it from a divine perspective, one that understands both the heart of the parent and the heart of the child. 

That book is the Bible, of course. One of God’s purposes in giving us Scripture is to show us how to live in harmony with one another, especially within our families. God desires that we experience peace, joy, and long, fruitful lives together.

Transcript

Children and Parents – Parents and Children (Ephesians 6: 1-4)

Transcript:

Welcome & Introduction.

There’s a story of a mother who wrote a newspaper advice column in sheer desperation. She explained that she had two healthy boys, ages five and seven, but their constant fighting was driving her to the edge. “Is there,” she asked, “a how‑to book that can help me deal with sibling rivalry?”

I think most parents can relate. At some point, every mum or dad has wished for a manual that explains how to raise children without losing their minds. And perhaps you’ve wondered the same thing: Is there a book that truly helps us bring up children well?

When we look around at our culture, especially in the West, we see a growing tension between generations over how to approach this problem. Also, children can frequently push back against parental authority, and parents often feel exhausted, frustrated, or unsure of what to do next.

Homes that should be places of peace can become battlegrounds of misunderstanding.

But here’s the good news: there is a book that speaks clearly, wisely, and compassionately about the parent‑child relationship. In fact, there is only one book that addresses it from a divine perspective, one that understands both the heart of the parent and the heart of the child. 

That book is the Bible, of course. One of God’s purposes in giving us Scripture is to show us how to live in harmony with one another, especially within our families. God desires that we experience peace, joy, and long, fruitful lives together.

This morning we’re going to look at a passage that speaks directly to this: Ephesians 6:1–4. It’s a short passage, but it is packed with wisdom that not only helps families flourish but also carries a promise of blessing and longevity.

Now, you might be thinking, “This passage isn’t for me, I’m not a father,” or “My children are grown,” or even “I don’t have children.” But scripture reminds us that all of God’s Word is profitable and useful for every believer. And the truth is, every one of us is a child, first of all of earthly parents, but ultimately always of God Himself.

So, there is something here for all of us.

Paul often wrote to specific groups about specific situations, but he also wrote with the wider church in mind. Sometimes a passage is written to someone else, but it is still written for us. It’s like driving down the motorway and seeing someone else being pulled over for speeding. The ticket isn’t for you, but a lesson can be learned from witnessing it. Who hasn’t just eased off the accelerator a little when we see such a thing?

It reminds you to slow down, pay attention, and drive wisely.

In the same way, these verses in Ephesians may address children and fathers directly, but the principles they contain are for the benefit of the whole church. 

They teach us about obedience, honour, responsibility, and the heart of God for His family.

So, let’s open our hearts to what God wants to say. Let’s listen, not just as parents or children, but as people who belong to a heavenly Father who loves us and desires our good….

 1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honour your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

(Ephesians 6: 1-4)

Paul begins today's few short verses with a simple, direct statement: 

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.”

(Ephesians 6:1)

At first glance, it hardly seems to need explanation. It says exactly what it means. Yet Paul includes a small but significant phrase— “in the Lord.” That same idea appears in Colossians 3:20, where he adds, “for this pleases the Lord.”

This tells us something hugely important about how our relationship with the Lord should shape and guide our relationship with our earthly family. Obedience isn’t just a social expectation; it’s a spiritual act. Children honour God by honouring their parents.

Paul then gives a second reason within this one single verse: “because it is right.”  

Not because parents are perfect, or because children will always understand. But because God has woven this principle into the very fabric of human life. It is morally right, it is spiritually right, and it is practically right.

And then Paul goes further. He reminds us of the promise attached to the fifth commandment:

“That it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

(Ephesians 6:3)

This echoes Exodus 20:12, where honouring parents is linked to long life in the land. This text broadens that principle here because it says that honouring parents increases the likelihood of a long, stable, flourishing life.

He is not saying that every obedient child will live to ninety, nor that every rebellious child will die young. These are general principles, not mathematical formulas. But they are principles woven throughout Scripture.

The book of Proverbs also repeatedly affirms this pattern:

Proverbs 10:27, “The fear of the Lord prolongs life, but the years of the wicked are cut short.”

Proverbs 11:19 – “As righteousness leads to life, so he who pursues evil goes to his own death.”

Proverbs 13:14 – “The teaching of the wise is a fountain of life, turning a person from the snares of death.”

Proverbs 15:10 – “Whoever hates correction will die.”

Proverbs 19:16 – “Whoever keeps commandments keeps their life, but whoever shows contempt for their ways will die.”

These verses are not meant to be interpreted as threats; they are warnings born out of love. They teach that listening to wise counsel protects us from destructive choices. Obedience fosters self‑discipline, and self‑discipline leads to stability, safety, and longevity.

We see this in everyday life. Many lives are cut short by violence, addiction, reckless behaviour, or stubborn refusal to accept correction. Scripture simply acknowledges what experience confirms.

And this principle doesn’t stop applying when we grow up.

It begins at a mother’s knee, when a child learns to obey. But it continues throughout life, because we are all children of God. We are all called to obey our heavenly Father. And the same principle applies, being that obedience leads to flourishing.

However, Proverbs not only tells us how to live well, but it also tells us how to live forever. It points us to Christ, the One who gives eternal life. But in the meantime, obedience to God’s Word can even add years to our earthly life.

Interestingly, modern research now confirms what Scripture has said for thousands of years. Studies show that people who are actively involved in church life, not just occasional attendees, tend to live longer, experience better mental health, and enjoy stronger social support than those who are not. In other words, walking with God’s people helps you live longer and live better.

So, when Paul says, “Children, obey your parents… that it may go well with you,” he is not offering a quaint religious idea. He is describing a principle that affects every part of life, spiritual, emotional, relational, and even physical.

But Paul doesn’t stop with children. He immediately turns to parents, especially fathers—and says: “Fathers, do not exasperate your children.” (Ephesians 6:4a)

After warning fathers not to exasperate their children, Paul immediately adds a positive command: “Instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”  (Ephesians 6:4b)

In other words, the father’s responsibility is not merely to avoid provoking his children; it is to actively shape them, to teach, to guide, to correct, and to discipline. Paul describes a whole approach to life: a disciplined, structured, loving environment where children learn obedience, respect, and godly wisdom from an early age.

And history shows us that children are far more capable of spiritual understanding than we often assume.

Matthew Henry, the great commentator, was converted at age 10.

Polycarp, one of the earliest church fathers, came to faith at 9.

Jonathan Edwards, the theologian and evangelist, was saved at 7.

Count Zinzendorf, the German religious leader and reformer whose compassion helped inspire the later Santa Claus tradition, professed faith at 4 and wrote what he called his first “love letter to Jesus” at 6.

Children are not spiritual lightweights. They are impressionable, open, but also capable of deep faith. We underestimate them at our peril.

Modern scientific research agrees with that. Educators now tell us that the most important years of learning occur before age three. The earlier we teach, the deeper the roots grow. So, parents must teach their children not only to obey, but to understand God’s Word, to love truth, and to walk wisely.

Children do not need their parents to be their friends. They need their parents to be their parents, loving, firm, consistent, and instructive.

Helen Keller’s teacher, Anne Sullivan, understood this. She said:

“I saw early that it was useless to try to teach her anything until she first learned to obey me. Obedience is the gateway through which knowledge and love enter the mind of a child.”

That principle is timeless.

But there is a real cost when parents remain silent about poor behaviour.

A 2016 survey of 200 teenagers (ages 16–19) carried out in the Northwest of England, which is where I live, revealed:

91% said their parents gave them no instruction about relationships.

43% said they received no guidance about sex.

82% were given no advice about alcohol, smoking, or drugs.

83% were never taught how to manage money.

Instead, they turned to friends, or worse, the internet, for answers. Today, young people learn about money from advertising, and about sex from pornography. That is not education; it is exploitation.

Psychologists call a home like this a dysfunctional family, a family where parents fail to teach the basics of honour, obedience, discipline, and respect. A home without boundaries is not a garden; it is a wilderness. Children are not nurtured in the safety of what should be a sort of spiritual Eden, instead they are cast out to fend for themselves without the tools they need to survive.

This is why Paul urges parents to train their children and instruct them in the Lord.

You see, discipline is not cruelty, but neglect is.

In his 1960s book Why a Child Is Important, Philip Wylie wrote:

“To give a child material things and withhold discipline is cruel. Such a child is headed for a lifetime of emotional strangulation, a walking death. Parents who ignore discipline and substitute gifts do not show love for their child; they show love for things.”

True love disciplines. True love teaches, and true love sets boundaries.

So that is why it says: Bring them up in the nurture and instruction of the Lord.

And remember, whether you are a father or mother, you too have a Father in heaven. You are called to obey Him just as you teach your children to obey you.

But let me pause right here and give a Word to Fathers.

Paul places special responsibility on fathers. Not because mothers are unimportant, but because fathers are uniquely accountable for the spiritual direction of the home. And today, one of the greatest crises in the world is the absence of responsible fathers.

I believe children long for loving discipline. They long for guidance. They long for a father who will lead with strength and tenderness.

Final Application & Closing.

Paul’s teaching ends with a sober reminder.

Any society is in danger when fathers refuse to take responsibility. And he is right. The collapse of fatherhood is not just a family issue; it is a national issue.

The American writer and commentator Dennis Prager, when teaching on the Ten Commandments, said:

“Honouring parents is how nearly all of us come to recognise that there is a moral authority above us to whom we are accountable. Without this, we cannot create or maintain a moral society.”

Modern research confirms what Scripture has said for millennia. No generation in history has had more hard data than ours about the consequences of absent fathers. And let me be clear, this is not a comment on the many single mothers who support, love, and battle to bring up their children well. It is more about the men who refuse to accept their responsibilities as fathers.

Fatherless boys are far more likely to commit violent crime, mistreat women, and cause chaos in society.

Fatherless girls are far more likely to seek approval from the wrong men, become sexually active early, and are statistically more likely to end up in abusive or destructive relationships.

This is not speculation. It is not theory. It is reality…. And it is heartbreaking.

Children need fathers who are present, responsible, loving, and godly.  They need men who will model strength with tenderness, authority with humility, and discipline with compassion.

This is why Deuteronomy 6, one of the greatest parenting passages in the Bible—says:

“These words that I command you today shall be on your heart. And you shall teach them diligently to your children.”

Notice the order:

In your heart first.

Then teach them diligently to your children.

You cannot pass on what you do not possess. You cannot teach what you do not live by, and you cannot model what you do not practice.

Every parent—every father, every mother—is an example. A good example or a bad example. But never a neutral one. 

If you take nothing else from this chapter, take this: Your life is shaping the lives of those who follow you.

Let me close today with a story.

There is a story of a man who became drunk on Christmas Eve while celebrating at the local pub. As he stumbled home across a field of fresh snow, he left a crooked, zig‑zagging trail behind him.

Halfway across the field, he turned and saw his eight‑year‑old son following him, placing his little feet carefully into each of his father’s footprints.  The boy looked up and said, “Look, Daddy—I’m walking exactly in your path.”

That is the truth of parenting. Children do not only learn from what we say, but they learn far more from what we do. They imitate our steps. They follow our path. They walk in our footsteps. 

If we walk faithfully with our heavenly Father, our children are far more likely to walk faithfully with Him too. If we obey God, they are far more likely to obey God. If we honour Him, they are far more likely to honour Him.

So let us take Paul’s words to heart:

Children—obey your parents in the Lord.

Parents—bring your children up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

Fathers—do not exasperate your children, but lead them with love, wisdom, and godly example.