
Your Unapologetic Career Podcast
Your Unapologetic Career Podcast
19 Coaching Client Spotlight: Kiara Alvarez PhD
You can text us here with any comments, questions, or thoughts!
Dr. Kiara Alvarez is a child clinical psychologist, a researcher focused on mental health inequities in the field of youth suicide prevention and the wellbeing of Latinx and immigrant youth and their families. She is also an alumni of my Get That Grant coaching program and an ongoing amazing coaching client.
Take a listen to hear some real behind the scenes of her coaching journey:
- What her ‘unicorn’ criteria were for finding a coach
- Securing a K23 in a well-respected institution and something still being off
- The coaching tool that finally helped her gain a unifying clarity on her career goals
- Finding sanity and a different relationship to work in the midst of a pandemic with a 3-year old at home
- How shifting to see grants as the tool, and not the goal, led her to do something she’d never done before with her R34 application
- What it’s really like to be in a radically authentic community with a shared process
If you loved this convo, please go find Kiara on Twitter (@kalvarezphd) and show her some love!
In a lot of ways, our professional lives and our professional communities and cultures aren't actually built around time to process. You're just on the hamster wheel as opposed to taking time to really almost grow into the new level that you've deserved, that you've earned.
UNKNOWN:So
SPEAKER_00:Hello, hello. You are listening to Your Unapologetic Career. Being a woman of color faculty in academic medicine who wants to make a real difference with your career can be tough. Listen, these systems are not built for us, but that doesn't mean we can't make them work for us. In each episode, I'll be taking a deep dive into one core growth strategy so you can gain confidence and effectiveness Thank you so much. Hello, before we get into the episode this week, I'm coming through to remind you that we are starting a listener letter segment. on the Your Unapologetic Career podcast. The segment is unnamed thus far. The placeholder is listener letters. I'm considering names. Submit if you feel so inclined. But anyway, just a reminder to, yeah, I love to hear from you. Write in with questions that you have. You can ask me anything. I will decide what I want to answer. You can bring forth challenging situations or suggest topics you might want to hear more about. To do that, you can reach me at podcast at That's podcast at kdollcoach.com with your questions. Please note if you'd like to be anonymous and I will always do my best to keep you so excited to hear from y'all. Okay, let's get to the show. Hi, Kiara. How are you? Hi, Kemi. Doing well. Thank you. I'm so glad to have you on our show today. Thank you for agreeing to be a client spotlight. Oh, thank you so much for inviting me. I'm excited. to be here. Okay. Well, why don't you start off with letting us know, who are you, Kiara? I want you to give us your one-liner that's really your three-liner. Where are you from? What is your area of specialty? And then what's your research interest?
SPEAKER_03:Okay. So my name is Kiara Alvarez. I'm originally from Puerto Rico, and I am currently a child clinical psychologist and researcher at Massachusetts General Hospital and at Harvard Medical School. And my research broadly focuses on mental health equity and disparities, and more specifically on youth suicide prevention and on the mental health of Latinx and immigrant youth and their families.
SPEAKER_00:Amazing. Every time you say that, I just like go like this for how important the work is. And also, I don't know if you, did you say that you're a clinician too? I
SPEAKER_03:am. Yes. Yeah. So So I'm a child clinical psychologist and I see outpatient children and adolescents.
SPEAKER_00:So Kiara, we are interested in hearing about where were you in your career as you remember it now? I'm not going to go back and like read your intake form or anything. I was like, I mean, this will be too much, but why don't you tell us now, like where were you in your career when you started, when you considered coaching and like what was happening? Why were you considering it for yourself? Sure.
SPEAKER_03:So I would say I was in the third year of an NIH career development award. So about midway through, I was in or in the middle of my fourth year as faculty. And when I actually started coaching, I was also in the early stages of grappling with the pandemic because it was around that time in 2020. Right, right. So very distinct moment, I think, in life and career. But I'd say when I started, considering it was a little bit earlier in that year and probably towards the end of the year before, I think for me, it was, you know, I felt like many things were going very well for me. Certainly, you know, I felt like I was kind of hitting my marks, hitting my milestones and doing the things that I wanted to do. I still felt very committed and focused on the goals that I had for my career. But I did have this sense that I was working so hard all the time and yet somehow not quite accomplishing some of the key goals I had. And so I could look back and I could see that there were plenty of things I'd done. I wasn't looking down on the things that I had accomplished, but I just had this sense that there were some things that were very core for me that I wanted to accomplish and I just wasn't getting there. And then I think I started looking into coaching more broadly, and I was sort of familiar with some different types of academic coaching around writing around different topics, you know, which were helpful, but for me, it really felt like it needed to connect on sort of two areas. And so one of them really was about academic medicine, and about this very particular context, which for me, especially being a psychologist in that context, I'm constantly sort of learning the landscape and learning how to function within it. And then two, I really felt it needed to speak to experiences as a woman of color in academia. And so it sounds, you know, when I thought about it, kind of in retrospect, right? It sounds like a unicorn. And then there you are, right? That's, that's exactly. And so I think I came across you on Twitter initially, and then I signed up for your newsletter. And then there were just these newsletter posts. And I remember the CEO, scientist and worker one. And that one just completely spoke to me, right? Because it was exactly that challenge I had, I was the worker bee, and I was getting things done. And I was working hard all the time. And yet, I didn't have time to think I didn't have time to really consider what are the future directions of this work that I'm doing. So it really helped me see some of those areas that were maybe out of balance. And then that's what led me to look into then committing to coaching, to get further into that and to understand what to do next.
SPEAKER_00:I love it. Thank you for sharing. Now, this might be hard because I feel like once you do go through shifts, it's hard to actually remember what was going on in your mind at the time. But you had mentioned, I could look and see I was working really hard, but these very critical, important milestones to me were not happening. And so that alone, it causes frustration. Like, I'm wondering, like, what were you thinking were the reasons why at that time? What was your kind of explanation for like, this is not happening? If you had one, maybe it was like, I have no idea, but I'm just kind of curious if there was any inner dialogue then.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, it's so interesting because I think I remember, you know, when I read that piece about the scientists and about the time to think, I mean, I remember feeling like, you know, the part of it is that not having time to think, which doesn't make sense, right? Because the whole point of our job is to think and to create and to, you know, to do science, right? Yeah, absolutely. Like, clearly other people are in these strategies to do this, you know, very well. And I didn't, you know, so I think I kept kind of attributing it to some sort of internal lack of a particular, you know, way to do it or a particular strategy, as well as probably feeling a little bit of a lack of control, right, over environment, over context, you know, over the expectations, right, of an early career researcher.
SPEAKER_00:Those were probably some of the driving pieces coming in. Oh, yeah, thank you for sharing that. Because I think people can see the problem. But it's like, it's not so much to recognize like, oh, I don't like this, but it's almost like when you get stuck in the explanation too, that like, oh, it's because of this environment or it's because, like you said, because of something about me, I train this way. I just don't know how to do this and everybody else has a secret sauce and I don't. It can also just cause people to be stuck for so much longer than they have to be because they have this like really kind of warped rationale or logic behind like what is going on. Like the explanation they kind of have, even if the explanation is incorrect. I have one more follow-up question on this. I'm going more. Cause I'm like, you psychologist, you like to think about the mind. So do you have a sense of like, what was the thing? Cause so many people can be trapped in that. So I'm just wondering, like, did you have a sense of what was the thing that allowed you not to be that allowed, even if you didn't know how that allowed you to be like, this might be wrong. Like there might be a different way that I can do this. So there might be a way out.
SPEAKER_03:Well, I think for one, I think there have been other points in time, you know, in my life or in my career where I felt like I was in the flow. Right. And that things just made sense and they unfolded as they were supposed to. And I definitely had that feeling like I wasn't there. And I couldn't figure out why exactly. Because, you know, like I said, I was already in the middle of a grant, you know, I had funding to do the work I was doing, you know, so there were some things that were in place. So I had this sense, you know, that there was something and I think that the other piece maybe that helped, I knew that the core elements were there, right? So for example, I think thinking about papers, you know, it just didn't quite make sense to me. Why is it that some of these papers, I'm really having a hard time getting finished, even though I know what I'm supposed to be writing I have the idea. You know, I know how to get through the writing process itself, right? I've done this before. I should be able to do it again. So I think it was that idea that there were things that I was doing that just felt like they were becoming harder rather than easier. And that didn't quite make sense. It felt like, but I'm actually a few years into a faculty position, right? Things should be getting easier. I've learned some of these processes. Why are they getting harder and getting
SPEAKER_00:slower? Yeah. Yes. So it sounds like it's like, even if you didn't know what it was, you're like, something's moving in the wrong direction. Like all of these things. Things are lining up. I have the faculty position. I have the grant. And yet somehow still like I'm moving backwards on the conveyor belt. Like I'm supposed to be moving that way. Is that like how it feels? Yeah. And I'm also, I appreciate you sharing because I think, you know, especially people who are pre having their grant, you know, they have this fantasy that like, oh, I'll get funded and like all of these problems will disappear. And like, there will be no such thing as like, you know, this concern about productivity or this or like how I control my time, especially like, oh, if I just get the grant and it buys out my time. I like never have time management problems again. So it's helpful. I think it's helpful for you to share. So people know like, these are not things that are fixed by the grants, right? Like that's like one of the things we focus on is like these things, the grant papers, these are tools. They're not going to fix the circumstance. But the beauty is that we have so many things that can, that can really shift and transform that, that aren't those things. Anyway. Okay. Thank you for sharing.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. And I will say, can I say a follow-up to that? Yes, please. Yeah. I feel like that is one of the things that i wish had been emphasized to me when i think back on those sort of early days you know with getting you know a k award and with starting that i think there is a lot of emphasis very quickly and this is probably true all throughout right academia and academic medicine there's an emphasis very quickly on okay what's next like you know you have to get funding after this right and the idea that you don't even know what you're doing you know at that moment and someone's telling you now you have to come up with another better idea you know so i think a lot of this you know is well meaning people want to prepare you they don't want you to get to this point you know where you feel Nobody told me I would have to do all these things. It happens a lot earlier than you think, et cetera. So I think there's reason for it. But I just think when I look back, had there been much more focus on that process, on that process of transitioning to being a PI, on the actual day-to-day work of it, not just from individual mentors, but really at a systemic level, have that be the focus, I think it could be much better. Because I agree. I think there is kind of this piece that happens once you think you're supposed to have it all in place and you should know what's going on and then you don't. And then that becomes this kind of cycle. Yes.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. Exactly. Yeah, I agree. Okay. So Kiara, I'm wondering if you could share with us a moment and get that grant or in your coaching journey where you just remember something shifting for you in a real way. Tell us a little bit more about that. Sure.
SPEAKER_03:So, you know, it's funny, I think there have been multiple times for me like this, right? There's just these multiple times in the process, because I've been through, you know, get that grant, I've been continued on in the coaching community. And so there are these points in time where things kind of shift. But I remember very early on in the process, we were working on our purpose mantras, and trying to put together kind of these different pieces of my career. And for me, I've always been someone that works across different areas of interest, multiple approaches, there's just a lot of different things that I kind of work in, within my overall, you know, sort of portfolio. And I think that can be really challenging. right because i mean you either talk to people that are the same way and they completely get it or you talk to people that tell you you're spread too thin you can't do all these things at once how to do two things go together and so for me there was that moment putting it together where i was able to you know i had to really work to get it into a few sentences and i got this level of clarity about oh this is how it fits this is the end goal i have this is how these different levels i work at feed that end goal you know there's a purpose to it there's an organization to it and it really was at these multiple levels it was both at the health service system level, you know, and at the level of families and individuals where I do my clinical work and some of my intervention development work. So for me, what's interesting now that I think back, because that was, you know, a year ago, is that that just completely shifted everything going forward, where I had this trust, you know, in the process at that point of these are the things I'm doing. And I believe I can get these things done. This is part of my career. And I can think now, you know, a grant that I submitted last month, right, where I was able to really weave that in at multiple levels, something that would have been potentially very hard for me to do a year before. Because now I had this trust in the process and I was able to really spend a lot of time articulating and thinking through that over the course of a year into how it fits.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. I love that. Yeah. It's like, you have all of the ingredients, but like, if you don't have the recipe, you're still just staring at all these disparate things and wondering how do I hold all these things in my hand? I think. And like, I think part of what that purpose, I mean, we start, that's like one of the first things we start with is like, we got to get organized all of your gems. Like you got a lot of beautiful things here and we have to organize them because it really, it affects everything going forward. Like it literally, it's like as something as little as what am I, am I scheduling a meeting on Tuesday at eight? Like, and as big as like, what is this aim going to be? And like, whose feedback am I taking? So yeah, I'm glad that you experienced that too. Cause I think that that is a lot of the secret sauce.
SPEAKER_03:I think so too. And I think because then it helps you figure out for me, it helped me think, okay, these are the multiple different things that are going on that I have to kind of pull together in my own work. And that's a stuff that's kind of interesting, but it's not part of my core purpose. And so I can start to put that aside or have that be work I support somebody else doing because it's not mine to do. So I think that that level of clarity helped on so many levels.
SPEAKER_00:Awesome. One follow-up question. Was there one thing or was there anything that surprised you about going through the process? Because I think you went through Get That Grant and then your actual grant writing was after your six-month program, right? Was there anything that surprised you about going through the process of grant writing after having done through program?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I think for me, it was that level of trust that I had in the end goal, right, of writing the grant, because I think the grant itself was written under, you know, less than ideal conditions. A pandemic. And, you know, as always, it's hard, right? Pulling a grant together is hard. The, you know, million documents you have to do, there's a lot of challenges that are just kind of part of the process. But I think the level of clarity that I had about the reason why this work is worth doing, as well as the level of clarity I had about, this grant may be one way towards that goal, but there might be other ways too. And so writing this grant is a way for me to get clearer on what that goal is. It just changed my relationship to many things like getting feedback from people. I presented the grant in a session after I submitted it, which you're not really supposed to do, but I knew that I was going to be in a session with people whose work I really admire and value. And I knew I was going to get great feedback on how to make the project better. And so it was really much more about the project than about the judgment of you know, this particular grant and did I do this right or that right?
SPEAKER_00:Yes. Oh, I love that. It's like you said, it's like literally what we're supposed to be doing. Like the focus on work, the focus on like making it better, like all of that stuff as opposed to like all of the noise. Love it. Okay. Kiara, what would you say to someone, another woman of color who just signed up for Get That Grant and is just freaking out? What can they expect?
SPEAKER_03:Well, I would say, I think first of all, just to trust the process, right? To know that it's so worth it. And it does take time, right? And that they should trust themselves because they made the choice to do this. They did it for a reason. They have a reason that they're going through the process. They have a spark that is pushing them to go forward in their career in this way. And I think it's so constant. And I think you've talked about this very well, which is this idea that we always are thinking that we're comparing ourselves to people. We're always behind. There's this sort of culture about the fields that we're in. And so I think knowing that the beauty of this Yeah. I mean, yes. Did you have a free time?
SPEAKER_00:moment or were you just like okay I'm signed up let's go yeah it's a good question I'm trying
SPEAKER_03:to remember so yes I think there was right because when I think back to it it was early pandemic right and so it was sort of like what am I doing doing this extra thing you know I can barely do the things that I'm doing now um you know I'm still home you know with my at the time three-year-old you know it was this kind of idea that I'm sort of what a strange time to sort of invest in you know in yourself or in some like greater reflection process when you're just sort of trying to push through everything you've got to do. And at the same time, it felt very urgent to do that, right? It felt like, you know, this is a really, you know, just a critical time in many ways. So I think that there was a little bit of a panic of like finding the time and how to do it. But then when there was that sort of element of, okay, schedule the time and decide when you're going to work on it. And you have weeks that you can catch up and it doesn't have to all be done perfectly. And, you know, all of that sort of kicked in. And I think that just made it, you know, made it very, I wouldn't say easy, right but to made it it just made sense yeah made it work
SPEAKER_00:oh yeah definitely I only ask is like the freak out is very common like now I'm really used to it and so and not everybody does but most people endorse some point where they're like oh my god what are you doing and also you pointed out something that is like very it's meta but it's very true it's like literally the process of trusting yourself through that decision and then like devoting the time And then like being able to be flexible with it. Oh, you're have a super busy week. You missed like the coaching thing this week. No big deal. I can catch up next week. Like that actual process is literally the same thing we bring to our work. It's like, trust yourself, trust that you can make a schedule, trust that you can handle like with things go awry. Like it's not a judgment on, you know, your ability to be a faculty member. And so I kind of love that about it because without actually doing anything, we like start. It's like from the beginning, it's like, this is what it's like to bet on yourself and like, welcome to this world. It has wonderful dividends. It feels very different.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. It's interesting. And I think it's interesting even thinking as the community has evolved, because I do wonder what it's like sort of joining the group at this time, you know, and if you're on the Facebook group and then, you know, the rest of us are like, ah, here are my innermost thoughts and feelings and concerns. But I think because that level of comfort is there where people really feel like they can just say what they're thinking at that moment and really get that feedback and get that support. Yeah,
SPEAKER_00:I mean, I think it's surprising. And then like, it can be talking about the ledge or it can be like, I'm actually planning something. I can't even say out loud to anybody else, but here. I love that because we need community to do this kind of work. That's so meaningful. We need to be in community to do it. And so many of us are not. And really, we don't feel like we have a space where we can really be honest. Like, okay, but this is really what I'm trying to do. Like, I am really trying to transform X or do Y or leave where I am or not leave or whatever. And for me, me, at least I can tell you, it was like one of the most unexpected and like amazing aspects of it is that if the community is so real, people get so much from each. I mean, I'm talking, I'm supposed to have you talk, but maybe you could talk a little bit about like, how do you see the community right now? Cause you know, you're, you're still in other communities, right? You still go to work, you have et cetera, et cetera. Like, and yet you chose to stay in the community with us. So how does the coaching community kind of fit in to your professional life now? And like, what does it mean to you?
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. Yeah. It's a, it's a good question because I agree with you about the kind of surprising piece in the sense that I think for me, going in, I felt, you know, like I did have some different academic communities that I've become part of, you know, both kind of topically, and then also at work, I think, because I'm in health equity, and sort of health services research, I feel like I have, you know, a good amount of like minded people around me, I have, you know, a number of people that are sort of peers, you know, academically that I lean on. And so, so I felt like on multiple levels, I felt comfortable with the community that I had built, I think, at that point. And yeah, I think for this community, there's a level of authenticity, I think that people bring to the table. And then I think the fact that people are sort of working through, you know, this sort of common process, right, that there is there is so much of a process, you know, built into GTG, and then later on, you know, with the liberate program. So there is common terminology, there are things that people have sort of worked through in different ways at different points in time that you can refer back to. And then like you're saying that people are very authentic about where they are. But I think there is this sense that people look to seek advice and also give advice in a way that's also sort of meant to be useful to everyone in the community as well, you know, because there's a reason, right, why we post on the Facebook group instead of writing you, you know, an email sort of, you know, in the middle of the night. Exactly. There's this idea that people have that, you know, there's value to bringing this out into the open. And I think the same is true in the group calls and the group conversation, and that you really get to hear about points in the journey that people are at. And I think as well, people's work is just, it's so inspiring and so that level of commitment people have made to their work and to where they take the work which can be really surprising in some ways over time so I think that's part of it right staying involved in it I think for me it was this feeling of okay there's strategy pieces and process pieces that I want to keep you know leveling up on and there's things I need to grow in and then there's also the community and being connected to that and getting to see what's next right you sort of want to know what's going to happen with this and you know where are they going to take this idea or this process yeah so I think there is a lot of that and you get to see the growth over time. And I think getting to see the growth, I think for me, when I was in GTG, seeing where the group before me was at, the ones that had sort of stayed connected, that made me think, oh, okay, I want to stay connected because I want to get to that next phase and be able to do that in this context as well.
SPEAKER_00:Love it. Thank you so much. Kiara, is there anything else you want to share with us today before we wrap? Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Well, I guess I think the other thing is, you know, we were talking about the time and I think, you know, there's the time to actually do things, to actually go through the process. I think in this follow up, you know, to GTG, there's less of sort of those activities and things that you have to kind of get done. And I think what
SPEAKER_00:you're talking about the alumni coaching group. Yeah.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah. So I think what's illuminated about that for me, too, is also just make time for those shifts to take place in yourself, right? Make time for that creativity, you know, to come up, that's going to hit when you're able to work through some of those things and get that clarity and what you're doing next. So time Yes, this was another piece
SPEAKER_00:of advice for people coming in, I think is what you were. Yeah, I skipped my last question. I just realized. But yes, I think what you said is like the time to do the modules, like there's literally the time of like, okay, you need to literally log into the site and like pull up the module. and like the time to do the modules. And then there's the time to process the modules. Cause like everything we're doing is self-leadership development, like personal development. And so you need time to process that and like then be able to see it. And it's interesting cause you know, I started out, it was four months and then I realized, okay, this is too fast. I mean, it was still great, but it was like really fast. So then I expanded it to six months and like, I don't even know if I may even need to be longer. I'm not sure. Everybody keeps saying there's so much material. I mean, there's just so much here. The other thing though, is that I think the dividends keep paying out
SPEAKER_02:you
SPEAKER_00:know and I think there's something to be said about kind of committing to a certain period of time like okay this is like it's like the gym you know how they do those like you know gym like workout things like oh it's gonna be like 90 day burn or something like that like not that it's painful like that but this idea of like okay I'm inhaling this I'm going and then you get to like from there you get to go you get to stay in the gym keep the membership you get to like use what you clean so I don't know I don't know how we got here and me talking about business model but anyway I was just like I think it was going back to like the time to process, which I agree with, right? That in a lot of ways, our professional lives and our professional communities and cultures aren't actually built around time to process. Going back to what you said about like getting the K, like you get your career development award and it's not like this, like I want you to adapt to like, this is where you are and this is where you need to think about it. It's like, okay, so when are you applying for the R? Okay, in year two and a half. Okay, what then? And it's, you're just on the hamster wheel as opposed to like taking time to, really almost like grow into the new level that you've deserved, right? That you've earned. So I don't know. Those are my thoughts about that.
SPEAKER_03:Yeah, I think it goes back to these different questions about the scientists and about the CEO and about having that time to think. There is this piece about just reflecting and getting to kind of move through those transitions and getting to kind of figure out who you are at each phase, right? And to figure out where then where you sit with the next set of goals and plans
SPEAKER_00:Yes. And to make deliberate, like a deliberate choice, like, oh, I'm here now. Let me make sure my goals aren't outdated. I don't want my free person making these goals. Like the person today needs to be making these goals. Right. Okay. Kiara, thank you so much for spending time with us today. I so appreciate you coming on and sharing. It's just been an absolute pleasure. It always is, but it was a pleasure today as well. Thank you. Thank you. It's great to talk. Kiara, where can people find you if they want to read more about your work?
SPEAKER_03:They can find me on Twitter
SPEAKER_00:at K. Alvaro's PhD and go from there. Okay. Sounds good. Take care. Have a great day. Are you building the academic career you want or hard at work checking boxes on everyone else's to-do list? A successful career doing the work that you love doesn't mean you have to sacrifice your values, your family, or your joy. Stop trying to be everything to everybody and get to learning the strategies that will three extra productivity, hone your passions into funded projects and create the career you work so hard to achieve. If you've been to every career development workshop that sounded great, but didn't actually deal with the kind of institutional pressures you face. If you're working hard, but somehow stuck in inefficiency, putting everyone else's priorities first. If you spent years training and sacrificing to become academic faculty, and here you are still working nights and weekends on the projects that you care most about, I'm here to tell you that you can walk away from this institutional mindset forever and take control of your career with clarity and strategy. Every day, I help women of color faculty in academic medicine like you reframe and recreate their academic life so that they can channel their ideas, passions, and skills into grant funded work with institutional support. That's why this episode is brought to you by Get That Grant, my six month comprehensive high performance coaching program for high achieving women of color faculty in academic medicine who are ready to reclaim career control and secure funding doing the work they love. In Get That Grant, we help you kick imposter syndrome to the curb for good so you lead your career with clarity and confidence. You learn productivity and strategy skills for grants and papers to maximize your chances of success without wasting your time, abandoning your passion, or working yourself into the ground. We help you build the foundation for an amazing and fulfilling academic career changing your life and the lives of everyone your work will touch. Yes, this future is possible for you and it's waiting on you to take the first step. If you're ready for career success without sacrifice, I encourage you to book a coaching consult call today by visiting chemidol.com backslash grant. After you book your call, you will complete an in-depth career foundations assessment, helping you identify Bye.