Ladies, is your BIOLOGICAL CLOCK ticking?

The "funny" thing about life is you don't get the lessons until AFTER you do the thing.  

In this episode, I decide to take the mic to talk to ALL THE WOMEN out there, in their late 20's or early 30's who are PLANNING their life.

You know what I mean... assessing your partner (or looking for one) for fatherhood worthiness, provider abilities, alignment of future family goals - you know, the clock is ticking!

Because women have REAL, BIOLOGICAL hindrances, we MUST be discerning when it comes to partnerships during this time in our lives.  We are LITERALLY against the clock and who we choose to procreate with is a massive decision. 

I share my story as it relates to my marriage/babies journey and how I realized (just a few weeks ago) that I actually INTENDED to be a single parent because of this one thing.

I also cover  ...

😱 The HUGE realization about my ex which led me to FULL acceptance & peace
🤦🏼‍♀️ The shitty societal and biological pressures we face around motherhood
👉🏻 How my feminist viewpoints on life took a DRAMATIC twist once I had a baby
🔒 The absolute IMPERATIVE questions to ask yourself (and your partner) BEFORE you have kids

I wish, before I got married and had kids, I knew to ask these questions of myself.  Maybe my marriage would have turned out differently.  But for any woman approaching that BIOLOGICAL CLOCK DEADLINE, please listen, watch and learn from my mistakes.

Wishing you all the best!

Transcript

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Kristen Lena: Hmm. Hello!

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Kristen Lena: I'm double recording. I love the way this mic sounds. It's just amazing.

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Kristen Lena: Recording on my phone. Right.

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Kristen Lena: Here. I don't know why I just felt like doing it. But fuck.

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Kristen Lena: The every flaw, every flaw, every little wrinkle, every hair out of place. And this is just soft. Do for those of you who are old enough to remember this show.

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Kristen Lena: How am I gonna forget this show? It was with Bruce Willis when Bruce Willis 1st came out onto the scene. In like the eighties.

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Kristen Lena: Bruce, Willis. Whatever the fuck her name is, starts with a C.

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Kristen Lena: And he was, you know, maybe in his like late twenties, early thirties, you know, haughty brand new on the Hollywood scene. And it was like a detective show.

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Kristen Lena: And his co-star was a woman. I want to say she was probably gorgeous woman when I remember. The name of the show. Where the fuck am I.

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Kristen Lena: Oh no! What the.

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Kristen Lena: I have to pause. I'll be back.

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Kristen Lena: Hello! Okay. So I took the opportunity. What I was looking for was my damn box of tissues.

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Kristen Lena: So to go get one. And I just took the opportunity to go do a little. Google search. The name of the show is called Moonlighting. And Bruce Willis and Sybil Shepherd.

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Kristen Lena: Sybil Shepherd was. I don't know. Maybe 10 years older than Bruce Willis at the time.

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Kristen Lena: And they would do this thing around her, where they would do. They would make a special lighting around her. And it was just this halo glow. And I was always so annoyed by it. I was like, who does she think she is trying to just.

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Kristen Lena: Glow up this joint, and be like. Now I know, Sybil, I feel you, babe.

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Kristen Lena: I can't put the glow on me. Listen. This is this is me.

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Kristen Lena: Zeroed up zeroed up. I look pretty good.

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Kristen Lena: I like brandy, Kent, and the hair is greasy as fuck. I don't. I don't care. But what's happening is it's just like like.

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Kristen Lena: Like it looks cute. But then I just like. For like falls.

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Kristen Lena: We're not having a podcast, about that. What are we having a podcast? About? Well.

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Kristen Lena: So I was supposed to do. A podcast planning session today.

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Kristen Lena: About 45 min ago, with my co-host for the audacity experiment, Abigail Rebecca. And she had a meeting that got that got scheduled on her calendar, and so.

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Kristen Lena: Oh, mother! Trucking a. Stop this microphone.

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Kristen Lena: Love this microphone. And also.

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Kristen Lena: For real right now. Fuck.

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Kristen Lena: It's a it's a mic arm. Right, if you know, you know it's a mic arm.

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Kristen Lena: And it's got these springs on it that allow it to go like telescope out. And those springs are loud as.

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Kristen Lena: Why am I talking about civil shepherd? Cause. I kind of feel like her right now. So I've got over here on Zoom. I've got the beautiful kind of softy filter like, you know. Just kind of touch me up a little bit, make me a little blur. Put a simple shepherd glow on my ass, and over here I'm like.

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Kristen Lena: And you know what. It all looks good, and it is what it is, and I'm and I'm coming into this place of just like radical self acceptance.

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Kristen Lena: But lighting is phenomenal. Lighting is everything. It's phenomenal.

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Kristen Lena: Um. And I can hear my daughter out there. So my kids are on spring break.

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Kristen Lena: And um. So my youngest is home. That reminds me. I need to tell.

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Kristen Lena: My oldest. Y'all get to just see all the backend shit. Okay.

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Kristen Lena: Here. I'm gonna tell you what, I'm texting her, hey? Okay. If you come.

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Kristen Lena: Home. Please be. Why it?

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Kristen Lena: With log. All the doors, because with the doors, because I'm recording.

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Kristen Lena: Podcast, app. And then I'm gonna say.

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Kristen Lena: Riz. No? Then I'm going to say hus. Okay. Don't know what any of these things mean. The other day I played a game with my kids.

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Kristen Lena: Where they wrote down a bunch of like. These like kid terms.

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Kristen Lena: I don't freaking know what the hell this shit means. If you can see it, don't worry about it.

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Kristen Lena: Phantom tax skibbity. Toilet's old, but. I pop out at one in the morning? I don't fucking know this Chop Chin, Duke Dennis, and so they they wrote all these on like a sticky note, and then I was. The game was, we're all sitting at the.

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Kristen Lena: It's until when the game was. I say those words, and they try not to laugh.

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Kristen Lena: I think I won, but I found the piece of paper. And I've just been randomly.

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Kristen Lena: Texting them these words. To the point where yesterday I did it to my oldest.

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Kristen Lena: It was actually in our group thread, I think, and I wrote um. Chopped chin, just for no reason, because I have no idea what any of these things mean.

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Kristen Lena: And my oldest was like, Shut up, Ryan, she thought. It was my oldest. She's like, Stop! That's so annoying. Stop! I was like, no, it's really it's me. And then I wrote. I pop out at one in the morning.

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Kristen Lena: And then they were both just hysterical. Ha, ha! Laughing emojis, anyway, that's not why I came on here. Why I came on here was to talk about.

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Kristen Lena: As I'm sitting there getting ready to do my planning session with Abby, which we record because there's always good shit that happens in there while I was getting ready. I just had these like. Just like these downloads of info, like like like.

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Kristen Lena: Just these downloads right? And so. Um.

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Kristen Lena: I was like, man. What I've learned going through. Um, you know, 19 year.

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Kristen Lena: I think it was 17 year marriage 2021 years together. I don't remember. And what I what I've gotten to.

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Kristen Lena: What I've what I've come to realize is that. A couple weeks ago I had a really big.

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Kristen Lena: Epiphany. I had a really big. Um ah, like like kind of like insight, like awareness.

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Kristen Lena: And the awareness was. Because I had decided that I was going to put my ass on the line, and I was gonna put. My, if you know what I mean by this, you know, but if you don't, I'll explain it.

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Kristen Lena: Sorry. It's just it just is what it is like it just it, you know, like. Biology.

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Kristen Lena: I try to sometimes. Just like, but I'm like, Oh, fuck!

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Kristen Lena: Um. What was I saying.

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Kristen Lena: You know the movie, this is 40. I think I'm just gonna like, if I had like this cool studio for my podcast. And like editors. And you know.

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Kristen Lena: People who could mix in shit it would. It would literally be like a screen that came on and just said like over my face like this. And it would say, This is menopause.

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Kristen Lena: Um. So.

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Kristen Lena: Brian, are you listening to me. How come? You can hear me.

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Kristen Lena: Do you have headphones on. Positive.

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Kristen Lena: Okay. Um. Just literally went.

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Kristen Lena: So hot. I'm just gonna take it off because. Um. I have. I have side stories on side stories on side stories.

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Kristen Lena: And so one of the reasons why I wanted to wear this jacket. Well, 2 reasons. One. I'm usually freezing.

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Kristen Lena: And to hide my arms because my arms are right now. But I just am loving myself. You guys. It's like the 1st time.

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Kristen Lena: Um, and I'm so proud because I've lost 5 pounds, and I'm doing it. Just super slow and steady and.

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Kristen Lena: You know, just loving myself through the process. So separate issue, I will fucking get to the point of this podcast. Trust me, I.

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Kristen Lena: I think about something, and then it's related to something else. So I kind of have to weave it into my storytelling. And then sometimes I just forget where the fuck I was and where the fuck I was going and where the fuck I started, and what the fuck I was gonna say.

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Kristen Lena: So I said I was going to say Sigourney weaver, simple shepherd, moonlighting. Nice glow lights. Menopause. This is 40.

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Kristen Lena: Um, podcast, um. So I'm getting ready, and he was going to come back. I'm getting ready to do my recording with Abby.

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Kristen Lena: And I'm thinking about like I had this massive breakthrough. Because I had. I have asked a very.

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Kristen Lena: Good friend of mine, who is a badass Mofo. To coach me, and when I asked her.

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Kristen Lena: The minute that the words came out of my mouth I. The part of me that's like.

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Kristen Lena: Playing small, was like in full. Frontal regret. I was like, what the fuck are you saying.

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Kristen Lena: Shut the fuck up like you know, my ego, all of the things that are keeping me small, which is why. Higher self was like, Hey, I think you need to coach me, and she was just like, Let's go.

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Kristen Lena: And one of the things she said to me was, I am not your friend. And I was like, and I got it. I was like, Yeah.

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Kristen Lena: Of course, like you're not. And so um.

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Kristen Lena: In coaching with her. You know I'm I'm there are 3 areas of my life that I'm working on with her over the next 12 weeks. One is income and revenue generation, but not just revenue generation. It really is like, what's my.

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Kristen Lena: Um. I'm gonna try really hard to just.

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Kristen Lena: Guys. Is it onions? I don't know. I had eggs.

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Kristen Lena: Spinach and onions and sweet potato for breakfast, because I'm on Paleo. And I'm eating really healthy, and I'm feeling really good. But sometimes I have.

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Kristen Lena: Burps. And I just, I'm hating my hair because it's just so flat. So I'm just gonna fluff it up the whole time. So.

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Kristen Lena: I've lost 5 pounds. But the moment that I decided I almost like it was almost like this.

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Kristen Lena: This like thing that came through like you need to be coached by her. And we were on the phone, and I just said it.

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Kristen Lena: And I said it like kind of like, hey, like. What do you think I was like? I think I need you to coach me, and she was like, Let's go. And I was like.

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Kristen Lena: And then. And then, you know, she the whole I'm not your friend. It's like got it, and then um.

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Kristen Lena: I don't know why, but my nose looks massive right now. God! I did my makeup like super.

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Kristen Lena: Um supposedly super thick. But why does my nose look so big? They say your nose grows.

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Kristen Lena: I don't think that's right. I think that's a bunch of bullshit. Unless you have like a little button nose, and you you hate it. But.

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Kristen Lena: Okay, I need to take my add Meds, just kidding. I may have add, I'm gonna go get tested. Y'all. Y'all are listening like bitch. We've known that forever.

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Kristen Lena: But I do think I come back to the actual original, like what I was going to say. So.

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Kristen Lena: The moment that I said that. And she was like, Okay, good.

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Kristen Lena: Were on. I elevated. And I was like, get your shit together.

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Kristen Lena: To myself, and not in like beat up way, but like it's go time. No more fucking around.

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Kristen Lena: That whole part of you that, you know, is confused, or is playing, like all of it, like. We're done with that. And.

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Kristen Lena: I don't know why, but in that moment, that day. I decided to pay attention to my thoughts.

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Kristen Lena: And I did it for like a consistent 3 h. Like that day. I was just like, I want to know, like.

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Kristen Lena: I want to pay attention. I want to be conscious of those thoughts that are just operating in the background. And here's what I discovered. I discovered that every single one of my problems.

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Kristen Lena: If my girls are upset. If I'm tired, overwhelmed, or stressed, if I'm broke.

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Kristen Lena: If I'm angry. If I'm scared if I'm sad, if I'm.

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Kristen Lena: All the things that I feel that when I look around my life and I'm. In a, you know, negative space. It's all my ex's fault.

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Kristen Lena: And then the thought pattern would go. From him to. I wonder how he's doing in his new life. Wonder how she is. Wonder how hurt his those girls are. It's a whole. It was a whole.

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Kristen Lena: The whole story. And when I realized that I was like, Oh.

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Kristen Lena: That's why I'm exhausted. Why I'm exhausted is because I'm.

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Kristen Lena: I'm keeping up this like my powers over there, like I. My happiness is over there. My joy is over there, my success is over there, and when I realized it I was like.

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Kristen Lena: Oh, fuck! No! So what I did in that moment was. I accepted.

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Kristen Lena: My life the way that it is so. I've been.

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Kristen Lena: Angry, bitter, sad, frustrated. That I am a full time single parent, 100% of the time my girls are with me.

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Kristen Lena: I've been angry, frustrated, sad, scared. That the girls don't have the relationship they have with their dad.

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Kristen Lena: I've been all the things about my finances, my business, my everything ultimately came back. To the predominant thought, which was that Motherfucker.

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Kristen Lena: And in that moment I accepted. My present state, I accepted the present.

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Kristen Lena: What my life is. And up until then.

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Kristen Lena: I had just been in. Pistophous about it.

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Kristen Lena: And. And the pissed offness doesn't affect him.

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Kristen Lena: Doesn't impact him. There's no nothing happening over there.

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Kristen Lena: I mean energetically, maybe, but like who who it's impacting is me. And then, if it's impacting me, it's impacting my girls. So it was almost like this convergence of all these things, and it happened all at the same time, and I was like. I'm done, I'm done. I take my power back.

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Kristen Lena: I choose this life. I came to a place of like acceptance. Now have I been pissed off about things that have happened, or angry, or sad or frustrated? Yeah.

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Kristen Lena: But it's now my problem. I own it. It's now my responsibility. It's now my gift. It's now my privilege. And the thing that I got is like I am the most capable person.

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Kristen Lena: Of being my girls like. You know parent.

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Kristen Lena: And then that got me thinking. And that the premise of that.

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Kristen Lena: Was what I was thinking about this morning when this came through. And this is what I want to say.

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Kristen Lena: We're 17 min in 19 min in and. Here we are getting to the good stuff.

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Kristen Lena: But there's always a context that I feel it's important to set or establish. So.

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Kristen Lena: If you are a woman in your. Twenties kind of later end of twenties.

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Kristen Lena: Thirties, early thirties. Let's just call it 25. To 32.

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Kristen Lena: Let's call it 2627. Because 27.

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Kristen Lena: Is knocking on thirties door. And you're really you're really present to like, Oh, fuck like thirties right around the corner. So let's just say 27 to 32. This message is for you.

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Kristen Lena: There are some things that you don't know until you go through them. There are some things that you don't expect, because you haven't been through the thing that you're.

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Kristen Lena: You know that you haven't been through. So when I. Met my ex. He and I had dated.

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Kristen Lena: 8 years prior, so I had known him from the time I was 24 we broke up at that point. 8 years went by we got back together. I was 32. The predominant question.

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Kristen Lena: Concern problem to solve. In my life at 32.

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Kristen Lena: Was what ladies. A biological clock is ticking like a motherfucker.

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Kristen Lena: I need to get on this fucking shit. And.

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Kristen Lena: The way that we got reconnected was really cool. I knew him.

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Kristen Lena: I knew he was a good guy. It was very kind of this.

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Kristen Lena: Mystical, magical, weird dream that he had about me and everything in the dream that he was telling me about. I was like. It's like my life right now, and so.

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Kristen Lena: We that happened when I was 32. 30, 32, 2,002 is 32.

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Kristen Lena: And here's the succession of events that happened. I. Unbeknownst to me.

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Kristen Lena: When at that age, at 32, what was my greatest intention? What was my ultimate goal? Having babies.

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Kristen Lena: Was it falling in love and. Was it falling in love and.

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Kristen Lena: And and just having a deep romantic relationship. Nope! It was having babies.

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Kristen Lena: Why? Well, because women have a biological clock. And there's a window, and.

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Kristen Lena: For all the reasons, biological, societal, all the things. There's pressure, and that pressure.

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Kristen Lena: Is imminent inside of relationships. Because it was for me. I mean, I was dating a guy. I was 26. He was 21.

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Kristen Lena: I dated him within full awareness that that would never work out, because in the back of my mind I'm like. You're not going to be ready to have a kid.

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Kristen Lena: Like this is not gonna go anywhere. This is not gonna. It's not going to end up with, you know. We're not going to end up together, and I assessed every single guy I dated.

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Kristen Lena: In that way. Are you viable. Are you healthy? Are you stable?

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Kristen Lena: And none of them were until I got reconnected with my ex. And it was he was right there. He was fully on board.

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Kristen Lena: And my intention. And again, this is not like I was like, Oh, yeah, this is the guy I'm gonna have babies with. But it was more like.

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Kristen Lena: He checked off all the boxes. And this is something that I'm going to tell you. This is something that I realized.

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Kristen Lena: As all of this stuff was coming in about like, oh, wow! All my thoughts go to him and all all of that I was starting. I'm sorry I was starting to. Rectify and kind of um.

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Kristen Lena: Complete and close like when I, when I did this practice of accepting. The current state of my life. The current state of my.

00:23:45.000 --> 00:23:52.000
Kristen Lena: My parenthood. The current state of my. Just the state of my life when I actually was like, Okay.

00:23:53.000 --> 00:23:58.000
Kristen Lena: Okay, I accept this. Like. There's no other way but for me to accept it.

00:23:58.000 --> 00:24:04.000
Kristen Lena: I could keep being mad about it. But that was just causing me suffering.

00:24:05.000 --> 00:24:14.000
Kristen Lena: So it kind of. Allowed me to go to go back through the relationship and have a humongous realization that I got.

00:24:15.000 --> 00:24:21.000
Kristen Lena: Exactly. Exactly what I wanted out of this relationship.

00:24:21.000 --> 00:24:28.000
Kristen Lena: Which is my 2 children, and I mean I got them. I have them. I have them full time.

00:24:28.000 --> 00:24:33.000
Kristen Lena: Bear with me 100%. So.

00:24:33.000 --> 00:24:41.000
Kristen Lena: I got my kids because my intention was to have kids. My intention was.

00:24:41.000 --> 00:24:45.000
Kristen Lena: Wasn't to. Build, a.

00:24:45.000 --> 00:24:50.000
Kristen Lena: Relationship. Like, I am like. Coming to terms with that.

00:24:50.000 --> 00:24:56.000
Kristen Lena: My focus wasn't. Him. My focus was them always.

00:24:56.000 --> 00:25:12.000
Kristen Lena: And I didn't. Obviously I didn't. I wasn't conscious. I didn't realize it. I wasn't like. I didn't walk up to him and be like, Hey, um! I'd like to place an order for 2 children. I'd like them 2 years spaced apart. Don't know if I can do it didn't happen that way, because, you know, fuck that shit.

00:25:13.000 --> 00:25:25.000
Kristen Lena: Um, that wasn't what was consciously happening, but it was operating in the background. So that isn't even the point of why I wanted to record this episode. Here's the point.

00:25:25.000 --> 00:25:30.000
Kristen Lena: The point of this episode. Is to tell the woman.

00:25:31.000 --> 00:25:36.000
Kristen Lena: Who's in her twenties. Or hers.

00:25:36.000 --> 00:25:47.000
Kristen Lena: Early thirties, and she's feeling all the pulls, the pull for kids, the pull for I'm not getting any younger. I have. I literally have a friend who.

00:25:47.000 --> 00:25:53.000
Kristen Lena: Who, whose girlfriend is. Hold on, please, for me.

00:25:54.000 --> 00:26:17.000
Kristen Lena: Ryan. And cat.

00:26:17.000 --> 00:26:22.000
Kristen Lena: 2 cats, a dog, 2 kids, me. Cat was just freaking.

00:26:22.000 --> 00:26:27.000
Kristen Lena: On my door. Loud, it's loud.

00:26:27.000 --> 00:26:34.000
Kristen Lena: So I had to yell at my kid. My kid got the cat. So I have a friend whose girlfriend.

00:26:34.000 --> 00:26:43.000
Kristen Lena: It's like, I want to get married. Why does she want to get married? Because she wants to have kids. And he's like, I don't want to get married. So they're at this crossroads.

00:26:47.000 --> 00:26:51.000
Kristen Lena: And. We're not even.

00:26:51.000 --> 00:26:57.000
Kristen Lena: What sucks about being in that place? What sucks about being in that place is that's.

00:26:57.000 --> 00:27:04.000
Kristen Lena: All we can see. Like it has nothing. I'm not gonna say it has nothing to do with the guy.

00:27:06.000 --> 00:27:12.000
Kristen Lena: Fucking kind of doesn't. And I wish there was a different way, and I know that there is but like.

00:27:13.000 --> 00:27:17.000
Kristen Lena: We are assessing. For our future.

00:27:17.000 --> 00:27:24.000
Kristen Lena: We are assessing. We're assessing viability of of the relationship.

00:27:24.000 --> 00:27:38.000
Kristen Lena: We're assessing financial stability in the future, if not in the present moment. We're assessing fatherhood material, we're assessing, are we both on the same page? Do we both want the same thing?

00:27:39.000 --> 00:27:46.000
Kristen Lena: But here's the biggest realization that I got. Not even that, not even like oh, wow! I did. I had this.

00:27:46.000 --> 00:27:55.000
Kristen Lena: I had this epiphany like, Wow, I went into this relationship wanting kids. Guess what got them. And that helped me complete.

00:27:57.000 --> 00:28:07.000
Kristen Lena: That helped me be in full acceptance of what's so, which is, I got my wish. I got my fucking wish and.

00:28:07.000 --> 00:28:13.000
Kristen Lena: I have been having the most fun with these girls. Ever since then, because.

00:28:13.000 --> 00:28:19.000
Kristen Lena: I'm like, Oh. I got I got what I said I wanted.

00:28:19.000 --> 00:28:27.000
Kristen Lena: Now I didn't want it at the cost of. The relationship. But that was the primary reason.

00:28:27.000 --> 00:28:34.000
Kristen Lena: And that is what I am left with. So I got what I intended. I got what I wanted.

00:28:34.000 --> 00:28:40.000
Kristen Lena: Here's the thing that I want to say to you which is going to sound. Motherly. It's going to sound.

00:28:41.000 --> 00:28:47.000
Kristen Lena: Possibly judgmental and. I don't. I don't care, because I know.

00:28:47.000 --> 00:28:56.000
Kristen Lena: Being on this side of it. I know. Something now that I didn't know then that I wish that I had. But some, you know I'm 1 of those people who I go through.

00:28:56.000 --> 00:29:05.000
Kristen Lena: I learn things by going through them. I learn things by experiencing them. So my experience gets to be your.

00:29:06.000 --> 00:29:10.000
Kristen Lena: Um. Maybe. Saving yourself.

00:29:12.000 --> 00:29:17.000
Kristen Lena: Not trouble, but like. I want you to know that this is this is what happens.

00:29:18.000 --> 00:29:24.000
Kristen Lena: Not like the truth. But this is what happened with me. So.

00:29:25.000 --> 00:29:33.000
Kristen Lena: I'm Um. Was I gonna say.

00:29:34.000 --> 00:29:43.000
Kristen Lena: I'm. Oh, yeah, you know, always comes back. Always comes back. I'm.

00:29:44.000 --> 00:29:50.000
Kristen Lena: Did it come back, and then go out just as fast. Fucking, did, didn't it?

00:29:51.000 --> 00:29:56.000
Kristen Lena: Mother. This is why it takes so long.

00:29:58.000 --> 00:30:03.000
Kristen Lena: Now, why it takes so long is because. I do?

00:30:05.000 --> 00:30:19.000
Kristen Lena: I said, I am. Then it left, and then it came back, and I was so excited, and me, being excited, made it go again. I am. I was a self-proclaimed. I found it.

00:30:19.000 --> 00:30:27.000
Kristen Lena: I was a self-proclaimed feminist. Like. So the work that I've been doing in the world forever.

00:30:28.000 --> 00:30:36.000
Kristen Lena: Since before my boot camp. Really I mean my boot camp and all that, but like an empower of women.

00:30:37.000 --> 00:30:43.000
Kristen Lena: Like my life path is about empowerment. And I've been empowering women, too.

00:30:43.000 --> 00:31:00.000
Kristen Lena: Speak your truth, I've been empowering women to be yourself fully. I've been empowering women to have difficult conversations. I've been empowering women to go for what you want. So I um get the body that you want, you know, get the relationship that you want.

00:31:00.000 --> 00:31:10.000
Kristen Lena: I empower people, and so it's always felt like I've had this vein of. Feminism.

00:31:10.000 --> 00:31:18.000
Kristen Lena: You know, women can do it, and I feel a lot of this like. I feel a lot of um.

00:31:18.000 --> 00:31:28.000
Kristen Lena: Anger, frustration, frustration towards, like the patriarchy and. Men being empowered. It's not. That's not something new like that's always been there.

00:31:28.000 --> 00:31:34.000
Kristen Lena: And so. Because of this kind of like.

00:31:34.000 --> 00:31:40.000
Kristen Lena: I'm not afraid of working. I love what I do. I love what I do. I'm.

00:31:41.000 --> 00:31:49.000
Kristen Lena: Good at what I do, and I really do see women. With female leadership being the thing that like, that's where we're going right like.

00:31:49.000 --> 00:32:00.000
Kristen Lena: Collaboration co-creation. So I am here on the planet to like usher in the new kind of. Dynamics of leadership which look a lot like female leadership.

00:32:02.000 --> 00:32:07.000
Kristen Lena: And so, being a feminist. And I'm using that term lightly.

00:32:07.000 --> 00:32:14.000
Kristen Lena: I really am. I'm not your typical. Feminist, but I have been like I'm pro femme.

00:32:15.000 --> 00:32:21.000
Kristen Lena: Pro femme work with women. Don't want to work with men care to empower women.

00:32:21.000 --> 00:32:29.000
Kristen Lena: And so women can do whatever they want. You can work, and you can be successful. And you can make millions of dollars. Here's the nugget.

00:32:29.000 --> 00:32:35.000
Kristen Lena: 30 min in the nugget is this. Something will happen to you.

00:32:37.000 --> 00:32:42.000
Kristen Lena: Something will happen to you when you have a child. That will shock you.

00:32:42.000 --> 00:32:48.000
Kristen Lena: And. It may shift your values. And it did with me.

00:32:49.000 --> 00:32:56.000
Kristen Lena: The thing I didn't see coming was the moment that I had that baby. That was all I wanted to do.

00:32:57.000 --> 00:33:09.000
Kristen Lena: I did not want to go back to work eventually I did, because I love what I do. And I'm really like it's it's. It's my, it's my, it's my purpose. It's my soul's work like I'm not here. I knew that I didn't want to be like a stay at home. Mom.

00:33:10.000 --> 00:33:16.000
Kristen Lena: However, I did while my babies were little. I. That's what I wanted.

00:33:16.000 --> 00:33:24.000
Kristen Lena: I didn't want to be required to go back to work. And my husband was not in a financial position for me not to.

00:33:25.000 --> 00:33:33.000
Kristen Lena: And that piece of it right there. Is the thing that I want you to consider.

00:33:33.000 --> 00:33:38.000
Kristen Lena: Before you, even. Start to talk about having kids.

00:33:38.000 --> 00:33:47.000
Kristen Lena: Is what happens after. Have that conversation I am telling you now.

00:33:47.000 --> 00:33:52.000
Kristen Lena: You are going to now. You may not be a nurturer.

00:33:52.000 --> 00:33:56.000
Kristen Lena: You may not. But biologically we are wired.

00:33:56.000 --> 00:34:03.000
Kristen Lena: I mean, we're physiologically. Whether you, whether you want to breastfeed or not.

00:34:04.000 --> 00:34:16.000
Kristen Lena: That baby is inside you. You are holding that baby you are making, that you're creating life, and when the baby comes out everything in you is about that baby. Everything.

00:34:18.000 --> 00:34:24.000
Kristen Lena: Now for me. And I'm and I'm saying this within the context of.

00:34:25.000 --> 00:34:43.000
Kristen Lena: The the dynamic that I didn't know I was creating, but was my greatest intention was I wanted a man so that it could have a baby. 2. I wanted 2 so that I could get on the biological clock thing.

00:34:43.000 --> 00:34:58.000
Kristen Lena: Like that, was it? Now, if you don't want babies, if you don't care whether or not you have them. This message is not for you. But if you're one of those women who. Who's feeling the pressure? Late twenties, early thirties. You're like.

00:34:58.000 --> 00:35:15.000
Kristen Lena: Is this? Is this guy right? Do we want the same things? I want you to really consider and have a conversation. And this is the conversation that I wish that I would have known that I needed to have. With him, 1st with myself.

00:35:15.000 --> 00:35:21.000
Kristen Lena: But obviously with him. Once that baby is born. I want to be with that baby for.

00:35:21.000 --> 00:35:31.000
Kristen Lena: 3 months, 6 months a year. I do not want to go back to work now. You're not going to think that's a big deal now, because you don't know.

00:35:31.000 --> 00:35:37.000
Kristen Lena: You don't know what happens. In in you when you have that baby.

00:35:38.000 --> 00:35:43.000
Kristen Lena: And. Bring that down. Just so. That's a little bit better.

00:35:44.000 --> 00:35:49.000
Kristen Lena: You don't know what happens. Physiologically.

00:35:52.000 --> 00:35:59.000
Kristen Lena: But I do, and I would. I wish. That I would have been able to see it.

00:35:59.000 --> 00:36:06.000
Kristen Lena: Or know that that was what was going to happen. But it didn't, and so.

00:36:07.000 --> 00:36:14.000
Kristen Lena: I, and and. I will say this. We weren't prepared.

00:36:14.000 --> 00:36:19.000
Kristen Lena: We weren't in a financial. Position for me to not work.

00:36:21.000 --> 00:36:30.000
Kristen Lena: And I resented him for it. I resented him for not being the financial provider, so that I could be home with my babies.

00:36:30.000 --> 00:36:39.000
Kristen Lena: And it. Most likely killed the relationship. Lots of things killed the relationship. I can't. I mean, you know.

00:36:39.000 --> 00:36:49.000
Kristen Lena: My intention what I actually ultimately wanted out of it. Plus some other things that were out of my control. It takes 2 always.

00:36:50.000 --> 00:36:59.000
Kristen Lena: I'll never you'll never hear me say oh, it was all him, because it's not. I'm sitting here telling you right now like. I didn't see that coming.

00:36:59.000 --> 00:37:05.000
Kristen Lena: I didn't see. Who I was going to become after that baby was born.

00:37:06.000 --> 00:37:15.000
Kristen Lena: Which was obsessed and. It's all I wanted to do, and then, if I take it one or 2 steps further, the business that I created.

00:37:15.000 --> 00:37:23.000
Kristen Lena: Was so that not so that I could make a fucking shit ton of money. I didn't become a solopreneur. I didn't start my fitness business.

00:37:23.000 --> 00:37:34.000
Kristen Lena: So that I could like build it to, you know, a thousand franchise locations and thought about it. I started down that path. Because this was all.

00:37:34.000 --> 00:37:43.000
Kristen Lena: Unbeknownst to me. This was all like in the background. But it changes you. I mean, it changes your priorities.

00:37:43.000 --> 00:37:48.000
Kristen Lena: It changes your values. It changes what you want to do now.

00:37:50.000 --> 00:37:58.000
Kristen Lena: And again, not as truth. But this was my experience. And so because you don't know.

00:37:58.000 --> 00:38:05.000
Kristen Lena: What it will be like until you actually go through it. Aha! Life. We don't know until we go through it.

00:38:06.000 --> 00:38:14.000
Kristen Lena: That was what I went through, and I wasn't. Willing to have a conversation with him.

00:38:14.000 --> 00:38:24.000
Kristen Lena: Because I was just already pissed off. I was just already pissed off, that he wasn't as ambitious as I was, never, never, never had been.

00:38:25.000 --> 00:38:34.000
Kristen Lena: Never was probably going to be. And I believe my assessment, not truth or fact. I believe.

00:38:34.000 --> 00:38:45.000
Kristen Lena: Um, he would not have been aligned with that. He's he's, you know, you know. They're just like his values are no. You know the woman works and all the things, and he just.

00:38:45.000 --> 00:38:53.000
Kristen Lena: That wasn't something that I think that I would have ever gotten from him. He wouldn't. He wasn't the person that was like Babe. I got you.

00:38:53.000 --> 00:39:03.000
Kristen Lena: He was very supportive of my business. But always supportive of my business, so that it could be successful, and I could contribute more money.

00:39:03.000 --> 00:39:10.000
Kristen Lena: There's nothing wrong with that either. But that was not looking back. That was not why I started my business.

00:39:11.000 --> 00:39:17.000
Kristen Lena: Started my business so that I could be with my kids more. And I didn't care about the success of it.

00:39:18.000 --> 00:39:23.000
Kristen Lena: I didn't, because I wanted him to provide. And that shocked the fuck out of me as e.

00:39:23.000 --> 00:39:29.000
Kristen Lena: Feminist, shocked. That I shocked me because.

00:39:29.000 --> 00:39:34.000
Kristen Lena: That's a very traditional. Mindset.

00:39:34.000 --> 00:39:44.000
Kristen Lena: That's it, like I was so. When I realized that about myself I was flabberfucking, gasted, flabbergasted because I'm like.

00:39:45.000 --> 00:39:56.000
Kristen Lena: I'm like, you know, I'm like a. You know you can do it, fucking glorious dynam. And again, this is not not saying that that I am.

00:39:56.000 --> 00:40:00.000
Kristen Lena: But it was so. Weird for me to.

00:40:01.000 --> 00:40:09.000
Kristen Lena: To consider who I had been in the world in work. What I really wanted to do, what I still want to do, what I ultimately do want to do.

00:40:10.000 --> 00:40:14.000
Kristen Lena: But during those years. I could give 2 fucks about it.

00:40:14.000 --> 00:40:18.000
Kristen Lena: And all I wanted to do was to have a provider. Have someone who could take care of all the bills.

00:40:19.000 --> 00:40:26.000
Kristen Lena: Allow me to be a mom. Allow me to experience being a mom. I talk about this with my sister, and she.

00:40:26.000 --> 00:40:32.000
Kristen Lena: She hadn't. She actually had a. Way worse dynamic than I did from that perspective.

00:40:32.000 --> 00:40:42.000
Kristen Lena: In her marriage, and she's like I see these girls. She's still mourning it. We're in our fifties. She's been divorced for almost 10 years.

00:40:43.000 --> 00:40:51.000
Kristen Lena: She's like, I see these girls and I see their partners who are so. Supportive financially.

00:40:51.000 --> 00:40:57.000
Kristen Lena: And she's like my heart breaks because I never got that. And I'm like, Yeah.

00:40:57.000 --> 00:41:09.000
Kristen Lena: And I think the younger generation. I think I don't know if you guys are getting. 1st of all, what I do know, what I do see out in the world is that there's such a.

00:41:10.000 --> 00:41:19.000
Kristen Lena: There's there's such a wave. Of young people looking at the bullshit paradigm of like work.

00:41:19.000 --> 00:41:30.000
Kristen Lena: Your ass off. Sacrifice your youth for that. Someday I'm gonna retire in my sixties. Mentality they're like y'all are like. It's the fucking, dumbest thing y'all are.

00:41:30.000 --> 00:41:36.000
Kristen Lena: You all have been Gary Vede. And thank God, like, Thank God!

00:41:36.000 --> 00:41:42.000
Kristen Lena: That's not my mentality. My mentality is has never been, and I thought I was.

00:41:42.000 --> 00:41:47.000
Kristen Lena: Fucking weird because of it. I'm going to go sit in a cubicle.

00:41:47.000 --> 00:41:51.000
Kristen Lena: I'm going to go sit at a desk. And I'm gonna just do bullshit work.

00:41:51.000 --> 00:41:57.000
Kristen Lena: But I'm going to get a really fat paycheck. And the 4 a wonk in the.

00:41:57.000 --> 00:42:04.000
Kristen Lena: The things and the the investment. What the fuck ever. Obviously I don't have those, because those were.

00:42:04.000 --> 00:42:12.000
Kristen Lena: Those were literally the opposite of my values. My values were. I'm here to make a difference. I'm here to do profound work.

00:42:12.000 --> 00:42:23.000
Kristen Lena: I don't know what that looks like in the beginning. In early early years. I don't know what that looks like, and I don't know what that means, and I don't know how to actually make a living.

00:42:23.000 --> 00:42:30.000
Kristen Lena: Doing, profound purposeful work. And that was not my priority was making money.

00:42:31.000 --> 00:42:36.000
Kristen Lena: My priority was living true. Always has been. Now both things.

00:42:36.000 --> 00:42:48.000
Kristen Lena: Are possible, especially now, especially as we're going through this transformation of how we work. Thank you, Covid. Thank you. Lockdown. Thank you. Pandemic.

00:42:50.000 --> 00:43:00.000
Kristen Lena: So my message to you, my dear, sweet, beautiful, afraid. Worried 28 to 32 year old.

00:43:00.000 --> 00:43:05.000
Kristen Lena: Mamas. Get really clear with yourself.

00:43:05.000 --> 00:43:13.000
Kristen Lena: Really clear. And you know I don't know what the answer is. I don't know if marriage is the answer.

00:43:13.000 --> 00:43:18.000
Kristen Lena: I don't know. I don't.

00:43:19.000 --> 00:43:26.000
Kristen Lena: But if that's the if that's the route, because that's the thing that we're deeply conditioned to do in order to. Procreate and have the babies.

00:43:28.000 --> 00:43:34.000
Kristen Lena: Know that you're going to not want to go back to work. At least not right away.

00:43:36.000 --> 00:43:45.000
Kristen Lena: I think it's in our in our country. We don't. You know we don't have a 1 year paid. Paternity or maternity leave, like in the European countries.

00:43:46.000 --> 00:43:52.000
Kristen Lena: In those countries who know. What's more important than money. It's just a mother being with her.

00:43:52.000 --> 00:44:00.000
Kristen Lena: Child development thing. You know that developmental 1st year. Like we have it really fucked up here.

00:44:00.000 --> 00:44:04.000
Kristen Lena: And it's changing. But I want you to just know.

00:44:05.000 --> 00:44:12.000
Kristen Lena: I want you to know that you're going to want. That, and if you've got the money in the bank.

00:44:13.000 --> 00:44:19.000
Kristen Lena: Take it, do it, or if there's someone else in your life. Who can provide that for you?

00:44:19.000 --> 00:44:25.000
Kristen Lena: Take it because you can't get it back. There's 2 things that I think are more important.

00:44:25.000 --> 00:44:32.000
Kristen Lena: Than money. We always hear people say time. You can't get back time. You can always make more money, but you can't get back time.

00:44:33.000 --> 00:44:41.000
Kristen Lena: I'll say yes, I. 100% of time is way more valuable than money. It's finite.

00:44:42.000 --> 00:44:49.000
Kristen Lena: Energy is also a really important. Commodity where you're putting your energy.

00:44:51.000 --> 00:45:03.000
Kristen Lena: Energy is not finite. However, our human capacity, physical capacity is. So I always say energy is also something that is more important than money.

00:45:04.000 --> 00:45:13.000
Kristen Lena: So I hope this serves you. If you have any questions about my journey that are specific. Yeah. But what about just comment. On the Youtube.

00:45:13.000 --> 00:45:18.000
Kristen Lena: Um, podcast. Thingamabob. Whatever the fuck it is.

00:45:19.000 --> 00:45:29.000
Kristen Lena: Or you can always send me an email. hello@kristinlena.com. Can send me a DM. On Instagram. I think I'm gonna close down my linkedin page. I'm just not. I just don't care.

00:45:30.000 --> 00:45:39.000
Kristen Lena: Facebook is like Facebook is like um. What is Facebook? I don't know what Facebook is. Facebook is like.

00:45:39.000 --> 00:45:44.000
Kristen Lena: For old ladies. Facebook is for memes.

00:45:44.000 --> 00:45:55.000
Kristen Lena: And for being connected to my family. And that's where I have the most amount of people I don't care. My goal is to get to 10 K. Instagram followers.

00:45:55.000 --> 00:46:01.000
Kristen Lena: By the end of the year. I just declared that just now. 10 KIG.

00:46:01.000 --> 00:46:14.000
Kristen Lena: By 1231, 25. Can y'all help me get there? I'm at 8, 88 today. Well, the last time I checked I checked yesterday, which is a great number, because my life path number is an 8. I'm a life path 8.

00:46:15.000 --> 00:46:21.000
Kristen Lena: So, 8, 88, thanks. Let's make it 8,888.

00:46:21.000 --> 00:46:28.000
Kristen Lena: How shall we? All right? I hope this serves. I'm sending you love. I'm sending you.

00:46:28.000 --> 00:46:34.000
Kristen Lena: Courage. If you don't know how to have a difficult conversation, please reach out to me.

00:46:34.000 --> 00:46:41.000
Kristen Lena: I have my courageous communication framework for $44. It is a. Very profound, draining.

00:46:41.000 --> 00:46:46.000
Kristen Lena: And it's at $44, because. I want more and more people, women.

00:46:47.000 --> 00:46:55.000
Kristen Lena: To have this framework to be able to like, ask for what they want, and not like. Be weird about it. Stop being weird about it.

00:46:55.000 --> 00:47:00.000
Kristen Lena: Okay, sending you all kinds of love. Have a great day wherever you are.

00:47:00.000 --> 00:47:06.000
Kristen Lena: And pass this on to someone that you think. Absolutely needs to hear this.

00:47:06.000 --> 00:47:08.000
Kristen Lena: All right. Thanks.