ReThinking Caregiving

When The One You Are Caring For, Pulls Away.....

February 07, 2022 Esther Mbabazi Episode 67
ReThinking Caregiving
When The One You Are Caring For, Pulls Away.....
Show Notes

 Your loved one is withdrawn, they won’t respond to your communication. This is coming out of the blue, since you two had a solid relationship prior to the diagnosis. 

You feel devastated and hopeless because you are probably thinking that he shouldn’t be doing this. He should be opening up to you, because you want to be there for him/her during this challenging time. 

You can see that when you believe the that he should not be excluding me, there is an uneasy feeling, devastation discomfort, fear or panic. All these emotions take you further away from connecting with your loved one. 

We all have different ways of navigating challenging situations, maybe this is his way of doing that. Who says it is wrong? Perhaps he is figuring it out, he is coming to terms with the news of the diagnosis. 

Of course, he is withdrawn, his life was turned upside down in a blink of an eye. 

You could be hopeful that he will open the lines of communication when he is ready. 

Be compassionate with yourself, you are a human being, your life was turned upside down as well. 

Be compassionate for yourself, you are going through a tough time right now. You are just human, you want the best for your loved one. Even though the lines may get blurred sometimes. Especially for us who are control enthusiasts. 

Meet him where he is at, instead of trying to bring him where you are. Not the way you want him to figure it out. Let him handle things his way, not the way you want him to do it. 

It is okay to be uncomfortable when the people we care about aren’t doing well or when they aren’t doing things the way we want them to.

We can learn to make ourselves feel good, instead of relying on circumstances outside our control to make us feel good. I.e. Coercing your loved one to open up, is meant to make you feel better about your self, by trying to manipulate the situation. 

We can learn to be uncomfortable, when the people we care about aren’t doing things the way we would otherwise want them to.  What is the worst that can happen? It is just a feeling. Anger, anxious, sadness, frustration etc… it is a sad time. 

Feeling devastated is normal. It is okay, nothing has gone wrong. It is okay to be devastated.  When we judge a situation, we add layers of stress to the situation. 

Resources:

Download our FREE GUIDE on how to care for yourself first, so you can help care for your spouse. 


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