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It's time to combine a guilty little pleasure with a new healthy habit. Kick up your feet and listen in, this is Wisdom. & Chocolate. My name is Bets Danko and you are listening to Wisdom & Chocolate. I am the creator of the "I AM Equation," and I believe celebrating, motivating, and empowering yourself is the key to leading an awesome life. And, of course, when you bring it full circle and start celebrating yourself all over again, that's where the real power comes from. I am honored to be here with you today, speaking with you about a little bit of wisdom and following that up with some really, super yummy chocolate. So, let's get to it. Today's main topic is "The World Does Not Define You." I just want to take a moment to ask you to share this podcast with a friend. Give the gift of self celebration to the people who are closest to you in your life. Go ahead and take a moment and share this podcast. As it turns out, the wisdom moment today is also the main topic. Ooh. And normally, that doesn't happen. Normally, the main topic is something that I get to in the middle of the podcast but no, I'm starting with it today, "The World Does Not Define You." And this is a big one. This is a really big one. So many people are looking for labels, so many people have decided on labels, and they're looking for the people to put those labels on. And all of a sudden you get this label somebody else has put on you and it's almost like you have to live up to that. So, you know, in this time, when we have all of this business going on, it can be really difficult to hold on to who you are. But the way the world is going right now, we take these little bits of information about people, and we decide things about them, we decide what group they are part of or what their mentality is. We decide that they must be following this ideal or that ideal without ever talking to them about where they're actually coming from. Now, you're not going to hear me go into politics very often, because I just don't see the point in it. There are all these lines, these places where people put you, if you've got, maybe you really appreciate the environment, people decide that you are one side or the other. Maybe you're somebody who owns your own business and so you're fighting for the rights of business owners, and people decide that you're in one political party or another. But, what I have found is that, if you made a political party for every individual person's point of view, there would literally be the same amount of political parties as there are people on this earth. We are that diverse. We have so many things about us individually which are different than the people around us that putting us in a box and deciding that we are one side or another makes absolutely no sense. And not just in politics. It can be, gosh, anything, the kind of food that you like, the kind of jobs that you wish to be in, which religion you're part of, whether you are going to the gym or not, you know, all of these different things, lead people to decide you're in one group or the other. And then they decide what the groups are and you don't even fit in. But then you're forced to kind of choose, "Well they say that I'm part of the Alcoholics Anonymous crowd because I like drinking wine at dinner. So I better go to meetings." Meanwhile, you're not an alcoholic at all. And then there's the whole thing of there you are in a group and people ask you something about, we'll go back to politics, they'll ask you something about politics. And you decline to answer because you recognize that if you answer one way, you're going to offend a few people over here. If you answer another way, you're going to offend a few people over there. And if you answer the way you really feel, then nobody's going to like you anymore. Yike. How do you define yourself and allow yourself to be authentically you if the world around you is defining you and then you're playing along? Oh my goodness, my love. Don't play the game. I don't fit into any category. I am an individual. I am definitely my own person. If I were to get into an actual deep conversation about, say, religion, it would shock people the things that I believe and I understand to be true. And it would shock them because they have things in their lives that they believe to be true based on their own experiences. So, my truth and your truth are very often not going to be the same. What you know, is only the stuff that you have experienced. That's where your truth lies. And of course, I'm not talking about the bigger picture like, you know, actual truth of society, like watching, I don't know, a car accident and you there are certain things that actually did happen. This is truth. And then there are opinions of what happened. That's not truth. Those are opinions, I'm not talking about that kind of situation. I am talking about you having an understanding of what truth is because of your experiences so it's your truth. It's the truth that is inside of you, because of how you experienced something. It's almost impossible to have a conversation where you see completely eye to eye with somebody, because of that difference in your truth. You can only know the things that have happened to you, everything else is belief. And once you understand that, you understand that everybody else is in the same situation so listening to people and not judging them, and allowing them to be individuals, and allowing them to be beautiful in their own right for having their own opinions based on their own life experiences...Oh my gosh, that that is what true peace is all about. Getting to the point where you recognize the world does not actually define you, they may be forcing their definition on you, but that does not define you - getting to that point is golden. It's golden. When you're there, when you finally recognize that your self awareness is where your definition lies, that's where your truth in your life is, Oh my goodness, that's when you find your happiness. That's when you find your joy, not just because you're finally owning you, but because you recognize that everyone else is in the same situation you were in when you were living by other people's definitions. And you can find compassion for them. I think that, right now in the world, one of the things that is lacking and is so devastating, is compassion and grace. So those are two things, not just one thing, compassion and grace. We there's so much pointing of fingers and blaming and putting in boxes and deciding you're in one group or the other and deciding that there are only two sides to everything. There's so much of this going on that there's no compassion any longer. Everything's about blaming and hating. Oh my goodness. For me personally, in my life, I don't actually care what what group you're in, I don't care if you are one side or the other side on a political thing, or a medical thing or, or a spiritual thing or a religious thing. I just want to hear your story. I want to hear your story. I want to understand you. I want to give you grace. I want to give you the love that is deserved from one person to another. The kind of love that is about honoring your journey. I may not agree with you, but that does not put me in a position of being allowed to put you in a box. The world does not define you. If you allow the world to define you, that's when you lose your sense of self and when you lose your sense of self, you lose your sense of humanity. When you no longer understand the brokenness of the people around you, when you no longer have compassion for that, when you're no longer lifting people up, then you are living in the definition other people have given you. Life should be about service. Life should be about compassion. And understanding. The world does not define you. You define you. You make the choice of whether or not you're going to allow these labels to be put on you and if you are going to allow yourself to live with those labels. My guess is you want to wear whatever clothes you want to wear. You want to eat whatever food you want to eat. You want to work, whatever job you want to work. My guess is that you want to do this without people pointing a finger and saying bad things about you or thinking bad things about you. If that's what you wish to have in your life, If you were doing that to other people, you may want to rethink that. You may want to stand back and go, "hmm, I better figure out who I am. Because it's time that I show compassion to the people around me." And maybe you're in this point right now in your life where you're thinking, "Why in the world would I give a bleep how other people think or feel," right? "I have a lot to worry about right now. I got to worry about me." Well, I gotta tell you something and I've mentioned this before, we are all of the same light. We are all connected. Who you are, what you do, how you feel, affects me and the same of me to you. If I walk into a party, and everything's going great and super happy, and, all the sudden, this super negative person walks in, you better believe the whole dynamic of the room is going to change. It just happened yesterday in my own house. We were having this celebration, you know, everybody came over, all the whole immediate family, it was really awesome. But one of the people who showed up was sick and he's, you know, behind in work for about five days of work and he's just, you know, super frustrated. He's got a lot to get done and, you know, all of these different things. And, so, when he came in he was just mad. He was mad, and he'd wanted a fight. If you said to him, "are you trying to fight with everybody," he would say no, but that's not what was going on. The energy in the room completely changed. The person we were honoring that day, she just closed off. Everybody in the room got silent, everything changed, the whole dynamic change, because one person out of nine showed up with a negative energy. How you present yourself to the world does matter. If you live in service to one another, that does not mean that you're just giving everything to one another, that means that you recognize that how you behave and how you're presenting yourself and how you love yourself actually affects the people around you. And when you get yourself in check, you have more energy to serve and love the people around you. Compassion is so important in this day and age. So, when that family member walked in, and he was having a horrible day and he was just angry at the world, even though I was very direct and very pointed so that I could kind of communicate with him on the same level he was at, I showed him a great deal of grace and compassion and love. And I took care of his emotions as well as his physical body. I made sure he was okay and by doing that, it changed the dynamic of the room again, and everybody ended up having a wonderful time. Do you see what I mean? Living in service to others helps with the energy of the entire world, focusing on one person and helping to lift them up, does have an effect on everyone around you. When you start by doing that with yourself, holy smokes, what an amazing change will happen in the energy of your own life. Recognize the world does not define you, you define you. Recognize that your self awareness is key to leading an awesome life. And once you get all that together, you can live in service without sacrificing yourself. And instead, you'll end up amplifying the light and the love that is lived around you. Are you enjoying Wisdom & Chocolate, then I encourage you to share this podcast with a friend. Make sure that you're sharing with them all of the love and peace and grace that you get from this podcast every single week. Reach out and share chocolate with a friend. There is one simple equation that holds the secret to an empowered life. It's called the "I AM Equation," a powerful online course at BetsDanko.Com, dedicated to creating real transformative change through self celebration. Celebrate, motivate, and empower. It's that simple. The solution to the equation is personal transformation. The I AM Equation at BetsDanko.Com. Plug your life into the equation at BetsDanko.Com. Here we are at the chocolate moment. Yay. So the chocolate moment is featuring a chocolate that I have to admit - I don't even know - is it healthy? Was it non GMO? I paid no attention. And I feel really bad about this because I try to review these things in a way that you recognize if it's going to be cool or safe for you to go try it. And, of course, I always prefer to eat things that are on the healthy side because you know my body is a temple, it's important that I keep it healthy and strong. And, so, I eat as well as I possibly can to ensure that. But I wrote nothing down about this chocolate, which leads me to believe that perhaps there were things that weren't as as good as they could have been in the world of natural health. But this is a chocolate from a company called Koppers. If you find that no, indeed, this was, you know, this is a super clean chocolate and really good for you then please just reach out and let me know. But this is what I wrote about it because I always take notes before I go into the podcast. The company's name was Koppers and these were Winter Spice Caramels In Dark Chocolate. The quote that was on the packaging said bite sized work of art and I have to admit that they were not wrong. It really, really was telling you exactly what you were in for, there was a little dash of cinnamon, that dash of cinnamon made this chocolate so good. Like really, really good. Now I am a water drinker, I really love water, I don't drink soft drinks. Maybe I'll have like a Pepsi, I know, terrible, but maybe I'll have a Pepsi once every six months. Like that's how little I drink soft drinks. And I do like tea. But not, you know, super caffeinated tea, I like the herbal stuff. So I'm pretty clean about things. But every once in a while I do want flavor, so the kind of flavor that I'll choose to put in my water is I'll get like a good 32 ounce container and then I'll put a couple drops of cinnamon essential oil from doTERRA. Inside that water, it is so good. And it just gives you just the right amount of flavor to just enjoy that water even more. And I live out in the country, so my water comes from a well, so the water is very sweet. It's so good, it's so clean, it's so absolutely yummy. So, just add a little bit of cinnamon to that. It's like it's almost heaven, it's almost heaven. I just say "almost" because when I tried this chocolate, I realized, oh my goodness, a chocolate fix with this same kind of cinnamon in it. That is absolutely golden. And the thing is, this chocolate was really super creamy so there was this, you know, kind of yumminess that came from that and the dark chocolate was so, so good. So to have that little kick of cinnamon really brought it to a whole new level.

And I chose this chocolate to be paired with this particular podcast because the chocolate moment saying is truth cannot be molded to your liking. Oh my goodness. So, so true. I use the word true in my statement of truth but it is so true. Truth can't be molded to your liking. You're either dealing with truth, or you're dealing with something which is not truth. And that can be classified a couple different ways: 17:11

maybe it's a flat out lie, or maybe it's a belief so it's not necessarily true but you believe it. There's something about it that just makes you feel like, gosh, this has to be true, right? And there are sometimes that your beliefs are so strong, that they operate within you as truth. Well, truth can't be molded to your liking. You can't decide what truth you want, and then change the truth to be what you want it to be because once you do that, it's no longer true. And I think that we see this a lot right now social media stuff, the news, different speakers and people on podcasts, snd in even in your friends and family places that you go. People just start talking about things without actually knowing the truth, yet, they state things as though they know the truth. Truth can't be molded to your liking. If you want something to be a certain way, then work toward making it that way. You can't suddenly declare that this thing which is untrue is true and make it true. That's not how it works. And I've heard people say truth is something that you can mold because if you get people to believe it enough, they start believing it to the point that it becomes true to them. And while there is some validity to that statement, that still doesn't make it true. If you know that you've got a squirrel that comes up on your front porch and leaves rocks in front of your door, if you know this because you're witnessing it, you're watching it and then go to the squirrel and you say, "yo squirrel, what's up, dude? You're, like, leaving rocks on my front porch?" And he says, "No, I'm not." No matter what he says to try to make what he's saying true. You still know that he's leaving those rocks there. You witnessed it, you saw it. So what is truth in this situation? Is what he's gone to believe about the truth, or is it what actually happened? What is the truth? The truth is, of course that the squirrel has been coming up onto your porch and leaving rocks, which is, by the way, a real phenomenon. Squirrels actually do this. And and I went online and I tried to figure this out, like, Why do squirrels do this? Because I'm out in this building out in the middle of the woods and there are days in the spring and summer and fall when I come out. And there's literally a little pile of rocks on my front step. And, at first, I had no idea what this was, it's like, do we have spirit activity out here coming and leaving me a pile of rocks, you know, but I witnessed it happening where this squirrel was coming and depositing the rocks on the step. So I look it up. And I'm like, What is this? And the only thing that I can find - and who knows if it's true, because you got to get into the mind of a squirrel and who has figured out how to do that, righ - But what is believed to be the truth is that the squirrel is trying to show other squirrels and animals who are coming into its territory that there are no good nuts here. If you're trying to get food, there's nothing here, all you're gonna find is rocks. So they pile up rocks in front of places that they don't want other animals to go to. Who knew a squirrel could be so smart, Right? But apparently, this is what everybody believes to be true. Do you catch what I'm saying? We know that the squirrel is leaving the rocks because we are witnessing it but we don't know the motivation behind it. We don't know why the squirrel is doing it, and, if you confront the squirrel, the squirrel would most likely tell you that it's not doing it. But the truth cannot be molded to that squirrels liking he's been caught. And no matter what the reason is for him bringing the rocks here, he's still doing it. That's still the truth. So the spice in this the cinnamon in this scenario is the confrontation? Do you confront people by shattering their belief system? Do you confront people by knocking them down and ripping them apart and telling them, "you're lying, I saw you, you did this," or do you sit down and have a conversation with them that helps you to get to an understanding of why they behave the way that they do? What thing is going to be more beneficial to both of you? Is it the accusatory attacking of somebody? Or is it the, "hey, have a little bit of cinnamon with this chocolate, let's sit down and have a talk, what is going to be more beneficial for the entire situation?" Well, I'll tell you rocks can be a problem. You step on the rocks, you trip on the rocks, and you've stepped on them in just the right way they kind of roll and then you can fall. So they're not necessarily a good thing. So you want the rock dropping to stop, right. But if the squirrel is arguing with you and saying they're not even doing it, then obviously saying, hear have a little bit of cinnamon with this chocolate, let's sit down and have a conversation, that's going to get you somewhere. Because you want the squirrel to get to the point of understanding you, you don't even actually need him to admit it, you just need him to stop, right? So if you just get him to the point of understanding that it's dangerous for you, maybe at the very least he'll move his pile of rocks to the side of your walkway so that you won't get injured. But in the best case scenario, he just doesn't leave the rocks at all. Or maybe that's the worst case scenario, maybe he's saving you from other vermin than it's trying to get to your house. The world does not define you, you define you and truth cannot be molded to your liking. And, honestly, it doesn't even matter if somebody admits whether or not they're lying or they're, you know, doing something that you don't care for. What does matter is that we come from a place of humanity and compassion and grace. And we allow people to understand our side and we allow ourselves to understand the sight of others so that we get to a point of compassion in action, where we're loving one another to the point that we want to protect and care for them. It doesn't matter if you admit that you've lied to me that you've done something behind my back that you know, none of these things matter. It doesn't matter if you admit it, but it does matter. If you show compassion and you change your approach. The world does not define you you do and the truth can't be molded to your liking. So bring in that chocolate. Spread on a little cinnamon. Give yourself a little bit of spice and grace and redefine yourself through self awareness. Looking for a way to help support BetsDanko.Com and Wisdom & Chocolate? Head down to the bottom of the podcast description. Click on Buy Me A Coffee. That will take you to the website, Buy Me A Coffee, where you can make a donation to help support everything that we do here. And of course we dedicate everything we do to celebrating you. So thank you for helping us do exactly that. This is the year to celebrate you. Join me in this unforgettable journey of self empowerment with an uplifting, soul quenching program that was created just for you. I call it "Celebrate You," where members access monthly content like inspirational offerings, downloadable handouts, and journaling pages, affirmations, processes, meditations both written and recorded, behind the scenes access to product launches. Plus, you are automatically subscribed to BetsDanko.Com so you can be in the loop for new blogs, retreats, courses, and products. My in-person and online courses and retreats have touched so many lives. From professionals to stay at home parents to corporate executives who, like many of us, are looking for inner peace and outward productivity. Sometimes you just need a little bit of guidance to help you achieve an empowered lifestyle. It's here. Sign up now for just $1 and for a limited time, I'll include one of my most popular courses, Meditation & Journaling, Six Weeks of Inner Peace, absolutely free. It's time to Celebrate You. Learn more at BetsDanko.Com. And now it's time for the celebration moment. And I'm wishing right now actually that I had the winter spice caramels to celebrate with because now, after talking about them, I'm thinking, "Oh, those were so good." And I think that I picked those up at a Barnes and Noble. They had a little Starbucks coffee in their little place, you can buy some coffee, and they were selling chocolates and I believe that's where I picked these up. And in this moment in the celebration moment, it would be really cool to have them. But I don't I don't have them with me. But this celebration moment comes with this statement, it's time to clear out all the irritations your mind has stored. Take a deep breath on that one, right? I think about my house, and, it's a really large house. It's a large house because we had like, you know, a million and a half children. And we needed to make room for all these children. And then my mother came to live with us and she lived in the house for a while. And so the we needed a lot of room in which people come stuff and stuff builds up over time some stuff means something to you, and you hold on to it because it's got some sentimental value. But a lot of stuff is just there, it doesn't go away. It just keeps hanging out, man. And sometimes when you're really super stressed, like I was stressed this week, no need to get into it, but there were things that really kind of got to me seemed like everything was just coming down around me and on top of that, there were some family members moving and all these different things were going on. And I was just so stressed. And the first thing I wanted to do, and this is a weird thing about my personality but I'm giving you a little window into what I'm all about. But one of the weird things that I do is it when I'm super stressed, I just want to get rid of stuff, I want to go through my closet and get rid of things and give them to Goodwill, I want to throw away papers and I want to, you know, go through stuff and only keep the things that are good and you know, pertinent and all of this kind of thing. And there's nothing wrong with any of that except when you've given something away and like six months later, you're trying to find it you realize, 'oh my gosh, I don't have it anymore," That's the only time it's a problem. But all of these things in my life become clutter, that clutter becomes irritation. And in the moments when I'm extremely stressed out, that irritation irritates me twice, or even three times as much. And I just want to get rid of it. And anyone who's been to my house can tell you that. It's not like I have a huge amount of junk, it's not like you go into rooms and it's like wall to wall and ceiling to floor junk everywhere. There's a lot of open wall space, there's a lot of open floor space. There's room like we could probably move, you know, 10 people into this house before things just get out of control as long as we all have a limited amount of stuff coming with us, right? But in those moments when I'm super stressed, it becomes overwhelming, so much stuff. Why can't I get into this closet? Why can't I just find the book that I want and, meanwhile, you know, you go to the bookshelves and all the books are just right there. I just don't know where the book is. But I start looking at it as you've got too much stuff, get rid of it. Well, the same thing is going on in your mind in these situations. It's just that you feel like you can only control the material things the stuff that you can grab and throw in a bag. There's something about that physical contact and then getting rid of it that is much more satisfying and much easier. A thing can easily be taken and put in a bag and driven to Goodwill, but a thought and a thought pattern, an emotion, belief systems, these things that reside in your mind, wow, they are hard to unload. Especially when you were born a certain person and you had all these cute little quirks, you were like the most adorable little baby ever and you just need it to be loved and nurtured and brought up as exactly who you are. But you know, society comes in and you've got different definitions and these are rules, and you must follow this. And then the world starts telling you who you are, and, you know, all of this stuff keeps building up on top of your self awareness until you don't know who you are. I sometimes see clients in person and I can't even tell you how many times I've had somebody sit across from me. And when I say to them, "what's what kind of hobbies do you do? What are you interested in?" They literally say, "I don't know." And then you can follow it up with, "Is there anything that's frustrating to you like anything that you know, you really wish to accomplish? But something standing in your way?" And they'll say, "I don't know." And it's not that they're trying to be obtuse, they're not trying to be, you know, jerks about it. They literally have no idea what they like, and what they don't. And why does this happen? It's because the world defined them and they listened. The world told them what truth was, and they listened. In the moments when they feel really stressed, they come to somebody like me, and it's time to get rid of all the irritations inside their mind, but they don't know who they are so they don't know what the irritations are. It's like, the irritations and the definitions are so squished together and molded together that they don't know how to define themselves. It's time to clear out all the irritations of your mind. It doesn't matter how small the thing is, but if there's something a thought, a thought pattern that is bothering you, like, you think that you're fat, or you're ugly, or you're stupid, or you have no purpose, these are all definitions that you have taken on that are not true about you. These are also irritations that need to go away. You need to let them go. Not so that you can then bring in another understanding of, you know, so that you can uncover the understandings of you that have always been there. I'm telling you, you know how amazing you are, you know, how gorgeous you are, how beautiful you are, you know how loving you are. It's all the other stuff that's been piled on top of you, that is cluttering your mind. You got to get rid of all of those irritations. The world does not define you, you do. Truth can't be molded to your liking. Truth is truth. And there's nothing you can do about that except to have compassion for yourself, grace for yourself, and for the people around you. It's time for you to clear out all the irritations so that you can remember who you are. Your mind is a beautiful, glorious little vault that holds on to so much information, but most of it doesn't serve you. So let it go. Let it go, my love. Bring in the spice of cinnamon, bring in the yumminess of the chocolate. Allow yourself to celebrate you. Allow yourself to find the definitions that are underneath all the stuff that people have decided about you and about what box you should be fitting in. The truth is they're in it's inside of you and you know it when you come across it. Just get rid of the irritations so that you can recognize it. The world doesn't define you, my love, you do. If you'd like me to wrap a little wisdom around your favorite chocolate, reach out and let me know. Just write a little comment. Let me know what your chocolate is and where you're writing from and I will find a way to weave it into one of my podcasts. And I'll even give you a shout out so people know that it came specially from you. Check out everything that BetsDanko.Com has to offer at BetsDanko.Com. If you're on social media, Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, Twitter, you can follow me and BetsDanko.Com and keep up to date on all the little bits of wisdom and chocolate that I post Monday through Friday. Subscribe to this podcast and start enjoying your weekly dose of celebrating you with Bets Danko, and while you're at it, if you're enjoying Wisdom & Chocolate, please take a moment and share with a friend. Go ahead. Tag a friend today with Wisdom & Chocolate and get them started on a path of self celebration. Experience the wisdom that helps to motivate and empower you in relationships, business, family, and most importantly, self celebration. Getting the picture? It's wisdom and it's all about you. Want to hear the chocolate? Tune into Wisdom & Chocolate weekly.