E39: It's Not Fair! - Maccabi Series

It's Not Fair! - Maccabi Series

Transcript

Episode 3 of series

I don't know why I got put on this team, I should be on the other team. IT’S NOT FAIR! I don’t want to play this position.  I should be getting more playing time. IT’S NOT FAIR! Coach doesn't like me. Coach likes that other player a lot better. IT’S NOT FAIR! I KNOW coach already has the team set, I don’t know why I even came to tryouts.  I don't see why I have to do that. IT’S NOT FAIR!

As athletes, or individuals that play sports, most of us have had at least one of these thoughts at one point in time or another during our career. What do all of these have in common? A negative mindset. What is a negative mindset?  How do we change negative mindset to positive mindset?  In Episode 3, we talked about self-talk and changing negative self-talk to positive self-talk.  Today we are going to focus on Mindset in a bigger picture kind of way.  We will also address some common situations that bring about negative mindset and tools for how to change how we look at and respond to the situation. 

What is a negative mindset?  A negative mindset, also known as cognitive distortion, is a type of thinking where we focus on the negative or exaggerate the situation and thoughts in an overly negative way.  Here are some examples of different types of negative mindsets (or cognitive distortions).

1. All or Nothing - This happens when you view things as either perfect or a failure.  I didn’t play defense well that one play, my entire tryout is ruined.  I’ll never make the team!
2. Overgeneralization - taking a situation that happens and believing that that will always happen to you. For example, coach did not start me this game, I am NEVER going to play.
3. Mental Filter - picking one negative detail and focusing all your attention on that
   1. For example, the coach gives you feedback ten times during the practice, nine of them were positive and one was negative.  You focus on the one negative thing and use that to decide that you are bad at your sport.
4. Jumping to conclusions
   1. Are you a Mind reader? - Coach isn’t giving me feedback, that means coach must not like me.  Or “John is the only person on the team that didn’t say hi or talk to me before practice.  He must not think I should be on the team.”
5. “Should” statements - I should be getting more playing time!

What are some things that you can do to have a positive mindset? First, look for and focus on the best in a situation. This does not mean that you ignore negative things, instead you want to approach these challenges with a positive outlook. It is also important to view yourself and your abilities in a positive way. This goes along with a growth mindset as well which is one that you believe that you can improve and make the changes necessary to be successful.

How do we change negative mindset to positive mindset?  That is a great question!  The first thing you want to do is:

1. Identify when you are having negative thoughts.  Are there any specific situations when this happens?  THEN
2. Evaluate the situation - Are my thoughts accurate?  Are they based in facts? Is there another way that I could look at this situation? After you evaluate the situation you want to focus on your self-talk and 
3. Change Self-Talk from negative to positive (see episode 3) and finally
4. Evaluate the outcome of your current thoughts about the situation

• What if I stay with my perspective and what I am thinking?  What are the positive or negative outcomes?  Is it worth it?  Is there a better option?

Putting it all together.  Let's go back to some of our situation and put these tools to work.

Situation 1: Lack of playing time

Negative Mindset:  Coach didn’t start me.  I am NEVER going to play.  I should be getting more playing time.

Rewriting the script:  I am going to ask coach after practice what some things are that I can work on.  I am going to cheer on my teammates when I am not playing and be a good teammate.  

One of the things that you can do when you are not playing is to learn by observing. This is true in both practices and in-game situations. Listen to what the coach is telling other people. Odds are it is information that you can take advantage of as well. It's also good to ask the coach what you can do to improve on your own outside of practice.

Situation 2:  Interacting with your coach

Negative Mindset: Coach doesn’t like me.  Coach isn’t giving me feedback, that means coach must not think I’m a good player.  Coach is always pointing out the things that I am doing wrong!

First, identify when you are having negative thoughts.  Second, evaluate the situation.  What situation makes you think that the coach doesn't like you? Is it the way that he or she talks to you? Or doesn't talk to you? Is it something that they do, or is it how they act toward you? Take a moment and think about what it is that makes you think that the coach doesn't like you. Then go to the coach and ask if you can speak to them after practice. Sometimes the hardest thing to do is talk to the coach about situations like this, but coaches will not know what you're thinking unless you talk to them. Perhaps you and the coach have different communication styles (see episode 13, and 33-36 for more information on Communication). Notice how many episodes we have discussed communication.  It comes up a LOT with my clients

The primary goal of College and Professional coaches is to WIN!  The focus and goals of coaches in high school, Club, middle school and in events such as these Maccabi games can be different and have multiple components. The goal that I have for all of my teams no matter what level I coach is that they have a good experience and grow not only as athletes but as people as well. It has been my experience that coaches coach because they want to make a difference in athletes' lives. Sometimes if you think the coach doesn't like you it's just one big misunderstanding that can be fixed if you bring it up to them in a one-on-one setting. The other thing to remember is to focus on what you can control. The only thing you have control over…….. your own thoughts and actions (see episode four on concentration and focus for more information). 

Situation 3 :  Tryouts when you think coach already has the team set

For many of you playing fall Sports tryouts for the high school fall season, as well as for the Club season have started or are about to begin so what do you do when you are going to a tryout for a coach that you think I already has a team set? Check out episode 10 mental preparation for tryouts. This is a situation that is very difficult for the athlete and unfortunately is sometimes the case. Here are four quick things that you can focus on when you're in this situation. Number one focus on the things that you can control specifically your own actions number to have a plan of attack such as improved performance routine for handling stressful situations I remember that anxiety happens and how you respond to what is important number 3 be an athlete that brings positive energy to the program. This can be done through communication leading by example following directions hustle and having a positive attitude. Number for you cells talk to help you go outside your comfort zone and don't be afraid to take risks and grow as an athlete.

To Review, The Focus four for changing from a negative to a positive mindset:

1. Identify when you are having negative thoughts.  Are there any specific situations when this happens?  
2. Evaluate the situation - Are my thoughts accurate?  Are they based in facts? Is there another way that I could look at this situation?
3. Change Self-Talk from negative to positive
4. Evaluate the outcome of your current thoughts about the situation and rewrite the script

Try incorporating one of the focus four this week and see what happens to your focus and mindset! For assistance with practice or additional tools to help you working with athletes of mixed skill levels, contact me at RattoConsulting.com.  If you or your organization are interested in hosting a workshop or virtual seminar on this or any other sports psychology or performance optimizing topic, please email me at Laura@RattoConsulting.com. 

The Maccabi games are an annual International Event where jewish athletes from all over the world come to compete in these games. This olympic-style competition include Sports such as baseball, basketball, flag football, ice hockey, soccer, volleyball, dance, Esports, golf, tennis and swimming just to name a few. This event also includes community service and brings together players from all over the world for a week.  For more information visit jccmaccabisd.org.

"accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative, latch on to the affirmative, don't mess with mr. in between" Bing Crosby