This episode takes on the sensitive topic of body image and sexuality within the dialysis community. The group discusses the benefits of maintaining healthy sexual activity and the importance of promoting a positive and realistic body image.
If you have questions you would like to submit to the show, please email kickinitwithkidneys365@gmail.com
This episode takes on the sensitive topic of body image and sexuality within the dialysis community. The group discusses the benefits of maintaining healthy sexual activity and the importance of promoting a positive and realistic body image.
If you have questions you would like to submit to the show, please email kickinitwithkidneys365@gmail.com
Welcome to this week's podcast of Kicking It With Kidneys with your host Cindy Barclay. Hey, Cindy, take it away.
Cindy Barclay:And hello out there. Kickin it with Kidneys is a forum to discuss topics important to dialysis communities and to provide a legitimate platform but those voices who have been historically suppressed now doing Episode Six, which was last week, the panelists and I talked about the life altering challenges of chronic kidney disease. Specifically, that would mean the diagnosis of end stage renal disease requiring dialysis, the grieving process, the mental, physical and financial adjustments required to continue with everyday life. Listeners also learned about the interdisciplinary approach clinicians use to help the patient navigate the new normal and useful tips and how to manage financial responsibilities that affect minorities. In this episode, we're going to focus on a topic that many really aren't comfortable with, and that's discussing body image, intimacy, and sex. You know, a part of good mental and physical health management is to have a positive attitude that includes becoming comfortable with the changes in your body that are, are the result of having chronic illness. The group will also answer questions submitted from our audience at the end of the show. Hey, BJ, what is the word on the street?
BJ Simone:Thanks, Cindy. Each week, our word on the street gives us an inside look at the personal and sometimes complex world of a dialysis patient. But today, they've got some very interesting comments. So let's listen.
Word on the Street:Word on the street with Simone. Hey, Simone. We are here today talking to dialysis patients. And we ask them since being on dialysis, has it had any impact on your body image and how you see yourself? And since becoming a dialysis patient, have you found it to affect your intimacy with you? Or your significant other or your spouse in any way? Here's what they say. That's a hard, hard one to answer and several different things. But of course, you know, I mean, now, you know, now it feels different in this type of thing. But I do pretty well, I don't feel a big difference before dialysis or after dialysis. So in fact, to a certain degree, since I had low kidney functioning for a long time, and we treated it with medicine after on dialysis. I think things got actually a little bit better physically, according to the numbers, and yeah, I made it up a little bit better. So maybe improved. No. pretty old, you'd also open a lot there to begin with. So we're still still fine. No big change? Well, no, I can tell you that. I've been really fortunate with dialysis. Now, I haven't been on it extremely long. I've only been on it since August. So it hadn't been a full year. But for me, the only thing that that really bothers me is that on treatment days, I'm get a little tired. But other than that, you know, the other days is just like normal, you know? I don't I don't have any differences with, you know, affectionate to my husband, or, you know, spending time together. You know, I haven't had that. Not really, because I always try to keep a positive mental attitude, you know, about myself. And so, I just looked at things like this and life. This is just another situation in my life to you know, make me stronger. So no I don't, I don't look at because since I've had been on dialysis, I've even had to have due to an accident had to have my leg amputated. So you know, I, you know, is just another one of those life lessons that you just learned to deal with and just keep on moving. Again, that is one of those areas that where some areas of that may have been diminished and other area is it becomes even more profound. So it's like, how will you overcompensate in one area because you don't have it? So, for me, I've always been on the romantic, so you know, when because of dialysis, it does demand some capabilities. You just learn to do process in a different manner. And you just like, Hey, you know, so now it's, it's even better than ever, because, you know, whereas if something was taken away, but then it enhanced to love. And we've been together for 39 years. So yeah, it's on. well, I've been on hemodialysis and peritoneal, and both of them have their advantages. As far as body images, though, the hemo takes off more weight, you don't have to carry around the water, you know, the fluid, but I'm pretty happy with who I am. I'm not overweight or anything. And so there's no major effect. But he does have the advantage of removing the water weight. And so I'm normally a pound or two lighter when I'm doing chemo, sometimes four or five pounds lighter. But when you look good, you look good. We're senior citizens, and the intimacy, you know, changes with time anyway. But and no, it really doesn't have an impact on on anything. Bottom line is, you know, when you're hot, you're hot. And you're not, you're not.
Cindy Barclay:Alright, BJ, What say you?
BJ Simone:Well, I think it's great that most of our respondents have a good handle on maintaining a positive self image. And some obviously have found a way to maintain a level of intimacy with their partners, but not everyone may have that experience. And that's what makes this a good topic to talk about.
Cindy Barclay:All right, well, let's come up tune in on Marian and Maria, you guys are both nurses. Can you explain some of the physical changes a person experiences after starting dialysis and explain the ways that might affect a person's appearance? Okay, they also have physical limitations. Can you guys talk about that, you know, like examples of limitations when sports and sexual activity?
Marion:Well, to start with most patients have to have some type of access. So the temporary dialysis catheter is placed in
Cindy Barclay:I'm sorry, when you say access, what do you mean the upper by that?
Marion:the temporary catheter which is a plastic tube, that is placed in the for most people is placed in the upper chest area. And so, you will have this device that exits through the skin. So for some people, they have some concern about that being visible. And that can have some impact on the degree of intimacy that that one would be able to experience there are different items that can be used to provide protection for the temporary dialysis catheter. For those patients that are to receive their dialysis through a parent to kneel catheter, that plastic tube is placed in the lower part of the stomach area. More quote, closer to your, your intimate parts, if you will. And so yes, some people do share concern about the degree of intimacy that they experience would have in these visible devices, prison, Maria,
Maria Hemenez:okay, coming into expound on you know, the access because you have scarring to from not only the dialysis catheter being placed, sometimes you have to exchange it put on the other side. You know, as well with the fistula and the graph, that's literally they're putting, you know, the access under the arm, you will have scarring there. A lot of times I educate my patients when it's time for permanent accesses, that they you know, talk to their surgeon about their physical appearance. You know, some people don't care. You can get them placed in the upper arms, we can cover them, you know, with short sleeve shirts, or if they're going to be in the lower parsh portion of your arm. You'd have to wear you know, long sleeve all the time. But not only just with accesses, I mean your skin changes you have to realize that there's deficiencies in certain minerals and calcium and phosphorus in your body. You know, your skin can get darker your darker skin, people get darker. The fair skinned people get like a yellowish kind of grayish color changes with your skin as far as itching and things like that, you know, remember, these are the things that your kidneys do and your kidneys regulate these things for your hair. Some of you might start losing hair. But you know, with supplements and things of that nature talking to your doctor, there's things that can help with that. And it gets better over time as you're doing dialysis. It does get better.
Cindy Barclay:I guess, what I would like to know, and I think what some of the patients would like to know, and other people as well. Is that okay, so I'm feeling like we need to be together tonight, if you guys know what I mean. And my hormones are raging, is that catheter in my chest gonna get in the way of anything that needs to go on under the sheets?
Maria Hemenez:Well, what I like to say about that is just a reminder that you know, sex is a good thing.
Cindy Barclay:It releases is it pheromones or hormones? Or what does it release? It releases something? Well, it's
Maria Hemenez:Well, it's good for your immune system. It is good for burning calories. Let me see what else lowering your blood pressure, relaxation, relieving pain. So there's good things associated. You know, with sex, I think we need to keep that at the forefront.
Cindy Barclay:So are those is that catheter the one that you're talking about? in the in the neck or the shoulder? That's what haemodialysis right? Correct. Okay, so is that going to interfere with me getting nibbled on the neck? And you know, if I'm a female, I'm gonna need you to talk to the two little breasteses that I have. Okay? Is that gonna be a problem with that? I mean, I need you to get intimate with,
Maria Hemenez:you know, just moving on out the way it is what it is your dialysis is not the way you can make the catheter you can put the way the catheter is situated. Whenever your dialysis nurse dresses it, it is stabilized. It's not getting in the way of anything?
Cindy Barclay:Okay. Okay.
Maria Hemenez:You have total, you know, access to the breast area, peritoneal dialysis, you can literally sling the catheter to the side. It's it's not it has to be there. So you have to work with it, but it's not going to impede anything.
Cindy Barclay:But you're saying that my partner and I can work around it? You can, you can. Okay. Well, I guess that sounds okay. But I'm Rita, I need you to kind of give me your take on this. And working with the patients that are experiences do you work with patients are? Have you seen any patients that have negative body image and poor self esteem?
Rita Williams:Definitely that dialysis does a trick on your mind, seeing things that are really not there. You know, you think you look horrible, but in reality, your partner sees the same person you've always been. They see the beautiful person you are inside when you can't see that. And like Maria says, you know, sex is normal. You know, people want to be normal. Nobody wants to be a dialysis patients. We're just, they're just normal people. Just it's important to remember that people with kidney failure, have healthy marriages, they have meaningful relationships. They can fall in love, have families, be sexual. Staying intimate with those you love is very important. Everyone needs some kind of love. So yeah, I have conversations with our patients. So yes, Maria, you're right, sex is good for you. It is it, um, it lets off the hormones, oxytocin, which improves your mood. Sex can improve your heart health, it reduces stress, depression, anxiety, and it proves your self esteem. One of the things that I've had to you I talk with the patients about is really communicating with your partner, you know, things don't work the same, like you said, you have that catheter, so you you have to kind of move it out of the way. So talk about things that you can do together. You know, health is a is part of a healthy relationship. Try different things, you know, spice up your love life, you know, stretch those boundaries as a couple play around. You may need more foreplay than you did before. because your body is changing. You know, men may have problems with erections, men, women may have problems with vaginal dryness.
Cindy Barclay:Okay, well, you know, erectile dysfunction is a major problem with right men,
Rita Williams:Right because of medication and stress and anxiety.
Cindy Barclay:Right. And African American men I know primarily as far as medications are concerned. Some of them that's how they got in the situation that they're in because they did not take their blood pressure medicine. Okay? So by it because the blood pressure, what does the blood pressure medicine do to you, Maria Marion? Why is it that these men are reluctant to take the blood pressure medications?
Maria Hemenez:Well, it affects blood flow to the penis. And you have to blood flow to the penis to have an erection.
Cindy Barclay:Okay, well, are there. Are there any type of drugs that are out there?
Maria Hemenez:There are! Viagra, Cialis. I mean, the point of this is like to add to what Rita said, talk to your partner, but also talk to your healthcare provider,
Cindy Barclay:They're reluctant to ask their physicians, they're embarrassed, you know.
Rita Williams:And there's no need for that, there's no need for embarrassment, because this is part of your life. I mean, it's not like something you can just put down and say, I'm done with sex. You know, that's not something a person wants to do.
Maria Hemenez:That's great. But it's also, you know, those people you're talking about with marriages, and you're going into renal failure, you have that partner already. But there are some people that are single, they're young, they're still trying to be out there, you have to be comfortable with you first, before you can, you know, have that relationship with someone else. So that's also something to remember the whole mental health and the physiological changes that come with dialysis. You have to, you know, become one with that.
Cindy Barclay:BJ, I need for you to basically provide some insight regarding how body image relates to social interactions with others, and how can they improve that intimacy with others?
BJ Simone:Well, one of the things that Rita pointed out is that it's how that person sees themselves. body image is subjective. It's what that person feels about their body. And we all have a mental image of what we think we look like and who we are. And we tend to project that image into our demeanor, and our interaction with other people. It shows in how we talk, how we walk, how we dress, our facial expressions, and we tend to look for cues from people around us to either reinforce or reject that image that we have of ourselves. So when we think we look good, we expect people to admire us or at least not react in a negative way. Um, and when you have a special condition that requires attention, it's natural that it would have an effect on how you view yourself and how you interact with other people. What we hear from our people on the street is that they have adopted this understanding that being on dialysis is not the core part of who they are. It's not their central identity. And so it doesn't have a negative effect on on how they save themselves. As for intimacy, we have to keep in mind that something that has already been stated intimacy is developed from communication, understanding and acceptance of a partner's needs. And while intimacy may not involve well may involve a physical component that doesn't always have to be sexual. The most important aspect of intimacy is trust. And that's something people tend to develop over time. In intimate relationships. As Maria said, a lot of people are married, so they go into dialysis already having a partner, but even if it's not a if it's a new partner, when you are intimate in that relationship, you should feel free to express your fears and, and what desires you may have, and then develop this sense of being comfortable with being vulnerable and honest. And so there are a couple of tips that I'd like to share. First of all, don't underplay the benefit of touching and kissing and hugging. There's nothing wrong with their dialysis patient, telling their partner after dialysis. I'm tired. So this is a time for us to be close, but not necessarily sexual. But associated with that is scheduled time for physical intimacy. The key here is to make this time a priority. Kind of like what Rita said, if this is your time, you know I love you, but I don't have time to sit and chitchat and Smile, I got other things to do. Um, there's also another point that sometimes we get hung up on thinking that romance we heard one of our respondents say, I'm a romantic guy, we can hang up on this idea that romance is spontaneous. I want people to not forget that. anticipation is also very exciting. So schedule that time and look forward to it. And then the last thing we've already stated is communicating with the partner, it's alright for you to let your your partner know that you need affirmation, and that you're still desirable and attractive. Because while it's important that we have self confidence, we are social creatures. And we need to have support from people that are around us. So lastly, as our respondents did indicate, dialysis doesn't have to diminish a person's ability to feel good about themselves, and to maintain a sexy attitude.
Cindy Barclay:So let's go to the three I've got three definitions of love. Here I have Eros is defined as a romantic kind of love, you know, that's the kind of love that makes you want to say I do. And then you have Thanatos, okay, it's more of a self serving, self absorbed, self indulging type love, you know, these folks have their own agenda, okay. And then you have Philo, this type of love, it develops from a common bond, sort of like a brotherly love. What I'm concerned about is the Eros love, because in relationship, you know, marriages and relationships are kind of complicated. You know, if you had problems with him before you got ill, you probably don't have problems with him or her. Right? So What do y'all recommend for those population of individuals that basically have to deal with? I mean, they weren't right before. Okay. And now, they haven't all kinds of problems with it. Yes. And your breath has changed, your body looks different. You know, they don't want to touch certain areas, you know, but there were problems before. How do these type patients deal with that? That type of beloved one? Well,
BJ Simone:Well, I think one of the things that we've talked about is having communication, if you communication is the foundation of any relationship, then if you don't have community, if you didn't have communication before, then you're probably going to have problems. I mean, it's not, I would say, it's worth to try, you can try to say, Okay, well, now we've entered into another stage, there's another situation that we're dealing with. And I think it will be a decisive point for that couple, or are those people involved?
Cindy Barclay:Okay, well, what about after we've talked about it? And there's still problems? Do I continue to talk about? Or do I become interested in me, and what's going to get me healthy and make me feel better?
Rita Williams:I think one of the things is, maybe you do need to look at yourself, if you're trying all this stuff with your partner, and it's not working, and maybe that you need to do some self reflecting, and make some corrections in yourself find that help that you need. I mean, you can't love if you want, if you don't love yourself,
Cindy Barclay:Exactly. Those type of relationships are basically like a, I mean, it just kind of drain you, you know, and you need all that energy to get healthy, you know, as healthy as you can be. Serena, are you there?
Sarita Scarbrough:I am here, my mind is just boggled and confused.
Cindy Barclay:What are you confused about Sarita?
Sarita Scarbrough:I listen to all this medical terminology and conversation and, you know, I, you know, I keep a list of everything that I want in a man when I get married, I'm gonna have to write my own wedding vows because now I'm rethinking in sickness and in health. That may be some money to go back and revisit before I commit.
Cindy Barclay:I agree. I agree. I agree. So tell me Sarita let's talk about the income of the average dialysis patient and, and basically, most of these patients are disabled. Okay, yes, it costs they have to go on disability and they're at home a lot, you know, on average income, that these dialysis patients, you know, when the people on disability what is their average income? You know, that's
Sarita Scarbrough:That's a real interesting question when I researched that what I got was a in 2020. This is from the Social Security Administration $1,259 per month. Now there are a lot of caveats and Rita may be able to speak to a little bit better. But before I get to that, the average household, not talking of the individual kids about$2,224.40. Key takeaways because you know, there's a period of coordination of benefits. And you also have to work and pay into Social Security is specifically the FICA within the last 10 years of your illness. And that brought a little concern for me as an entrepreneur. Now, I do pay into the FICA system, but there are a lot of entrepreneurs that do not. And if they're not, and they became ill, then that disability money, and I guess I'm asking Rita would would that be there for them? In the same way? Yeah,
Rita Williams:If you don't pay in, you can't receive if you're not paying your stuff, there's no way you're gonna get anything, or it may be very diminished.
Sarita Scarbrough:So what happens with the lower income individuals that is on I guess, food stamps and child support and stuff like that? Are they paying into the system? Or do they are they just go Medicaid, all the way?
Rita Williams:To qualify for Medicaid, we know you have to be under a certain amount of income. So yeah, you have to be under a certain amount of income. Now, when a patient goes on dialysis, and they want to qualify for disability, they have to have paid into the system. If it's a person that's married, they may be able to claim under their spouse, if it's a child, they may be able to claim under their parent. But, if I've never paid into the system, I won't be able to get a disability check. If I've never paid into the system, or somebody paid into the system on my behalf.
Cindy Barclay:That sounds a little devastating. So Rita, so I guess there's plenty of time to renew your vows at home. But that limited amount of money that you're living on, you got plenty of time, but come up with some creative, creative ideas. Shall we recommend any sex toys to Sarita?
Sarita Scarbrough:I have been looking so forward to this topic. And you know, I was just like, Yeah, I thought we were gonna talk about Hugh Hefner and the porn industry. And we're
Cindy Barclay:No we're not talking about you and the porn industry, but we go into the sex toys, because I think that it's an enhancement device. What do you mean, if I was getting, you know what, oh, my groove on? I might need a little stimulation. I mean, well, you know,
Sarita Scarbrough:I understand and I'm not quite sure but but let me explain something to you.
Cindy Barclay:Let me just say this right, quick. Have you gone and price those sex toys? That's what I want to know. I asked you to go. I asked you that before the show. I said, Sarita, can you go and find a place and price to sex toys? Have you done that?
Sarita Scarbrough:Well, Ms. Barclay, I might have passed by there. But I have to explain something to you. In fact, I had this conversation with BJ and I was telling her in my undergraduate studies. My degree specialization was deviant behavior and social control. So, BJ, I want you to know if you told me what you did with your students, and how you took them out on excursions to experience things. I was so disappointed. I sat down and wrote a letter to my undergraduate college and said, I need all my people's money back for sending me to school because I got cheated in that class. Actually in some of my work related experiences, I was a part of putting together the city ordinance on sexually oriented businesses. So I had the opportunity to go into a number of unique places. And so I've been by to see them. And just depending on what you're purchasing or anything of that nature, you're looking at some devices at $100. Some devices, maybe five to 10. So they have an enormous range of pricing, so it should be able to fit anybody's budget.
Rita Williams:Sarita, I'll help you out a little bit. During my research as well, I did see that Walmart does sell adult toys and you can buy them online.
Maria Hemenez:What? Walmart?
Rita Williams:At a reasonable price. Price. I am looking right now. Because it's research. A silicone vibrating personal massage wand for $20.49.
Cindy Barclay:Okay, I haven't had a massage in a long time, I'm not gonna use that.
Rita Williams:This at an economical price. So apparently everyone can afford it.
Sarita Scarbrough:We're gonna need to read the specs on that, because, you know, they're people like different things. And so they maybe your basic.
Rita Williams:During my research, I was not able to get that information, but I'll get back to you on that. Okay.
Cindy Barclay:So what if some of our patients have limitations Sarita? I mean, I'm trying to get a device as affordable. Anybody can chime in at any time., you're better than that
Maria Hemenez:You're not going to get better than that Walmart Walmart for that $20. Because if you o to Carmen's and all the chain
Cindy Barclay:You knew the name of the place, did you say and stuff, you're not gon a be Walmart on that price. mo ale Carmen's?
BJ Simone:On the the team, we talked about there being a team, an interdisciplinary team last week, so who on the team is in charge of helping patients with their research?
Cindy Barclay:Okay, so we were talking about intimacy and touching and loving. And, you know, some of these partnerships are long term, and some are not. When a patient is diagnosed with any type of chronic illness, then there's a new revelation for everyone. How do I deal with the spouse or the significant other, that no longer sees me as valuable? I mean, I've tried everything, I went to the stores and got the sex toys, I've tried every form of intimacy. That's that I feel comfortable with, let's put it like that, that I feel comfortable with, because there's some things that folks ask you to do that's not very inviting. Okay. So I've tried everything, and it's still not working, he or she still does not perceive me as being home. With recommendations for those type situations,
Rita Williams:I think, like you said, as you mentioned, that you as a person, as a couple have tried everything, and exhausted all you know, things to do. Sometimes you may look at that, like you said, it was a season for that love. Maybe that person is being honest and saying, This is not something I can handle, you know, I thought I could handle it. And it may not be something I mean, sometimes you just have to love someone and let them go as well. I mean, you can't leaving yourself, because you're not what that person wants you to be. Because you can't be that person, you've done everything to improve yourself physically, emotionally, you know, all of that. And there's no you cannot improve, you are who you are. Sometimes you have to put that person down. And hopefully you'll find someone else they'll love you for who you are, where
BJ Simone:And I think that's important Rita because if you you're at don't, that relationship can turn abusive, you know, mentally as well as physically abusive. So, it is much better if this person cannot realistically uphold that commitment. Right? Let them go.
Rita Williams:Yeah, and it's true. I mean, sometimes you just have to let it go and continue your life on on your journey.
Maria Hemenez:Um, I wanted to put this in there. I had a patient the other day expressed to her nurse has not you know, expressing to the rest of the team that she may be pregnant, she is a dialysis patient. So it is possible, you know, for you to still, you know, be fertile and have children. It does change the process of dialysis a little bit more, you may have to do more frequent dialysis, you know, and that but it is possible for women to still carry healthy full term children.
Cindy Barclay:Okay, so I guess the analogy is, is that our health is sexy it releases is the pheromones. Okay? Sex is healthy. Okay, so I guess that's the analysis. The analogy and basically basically should follow up with your doctor. Okay, so what we're going to do right now is that there are some questions that we need to answer that was sent in on our Facebook. Okay, the first question is this. Are there resources specifically designated for family members or caregivers of dialysis patients? Can someone answer that question?
Rita Williams:And are you resources say that? Yes,
Cindy Barclay:It could mean financially as well as support groups, Rita, okay.
Rita Williams:And like you said, there's lots of support groups out there for dialysis patients as well. Let's go to the money like always, say your parent, say both of your parents are on disability. If you have children under the age of 18, those children can also get a disability check because of their parents, because they're not able to financially support them. I mean, they're not working. Say you are a single mother and you are diagnosed with kidney disease and you go on disability, you have children under the age of 18, you could, they could possibly qualify for disability as well, getting a disability check for those children that financially support them. There's five food stamps out there for our families, that's for working families. I mean, they need to eat, if they qualify for it, definitely I always encourage our patients, well, I may not qualify, but it doesn't hurt to, you know, apply for food stamps, or any resource out there, it doesn't hurt to do it. If you know there's a program program that can help you with your electricity or anything. Well Rita I may not qualify, but it doesn't hurt to, you know, to apply. So yes, there's lots of programs out there. It's just really getting to the point, either talking with your social worker getting her to help you or him that help you are really taking it on upon yourself as a patient and filling out those applications.
Cindy Barclay:Okay, this question is from Paul, it says, in a previous episode, you talked about needing a partner for home dialysis, and to be trained but you also said that a home health care aide, it has to be specialized so that she would not qualify, or he would not qualify to assist me. What's the difference in the training between family and friends, and a semi professional individual? Maria, Marion?
Maria Hemenez:Well, with training, if I understand the question correctly, if you have someone that's just a, your partner, husband, daughter, or whoever, there, they have not been medically trained versus someone that does have medical experience, if they do not have dialysis specific training and experience, the training should be the same. You're looking for infection control that the person has to learn, emergency procedures, and you know, general connect and disconnect procedures. So regardless of you if you have medical training, if you do not have dialysis specific training, that medical and caregiver, they need to undergo the same training for dialysis if I'm explaining that.
Cindy Barclay:Right. So Marian, with their I think what Maria is saying is that you can train a family and a friend as long as you're supported by a dialysis facility or dialysis nurse, is that what she's saying? Right?
Marion:Yes, I also want to add to what Maria was saying, the importance of of your selection. When you're considering your support system for the dialysis treatments, you want and someone one who can respond, identify and respond to emergency situations, someone who can remain calm and can be reassuring to you as well.
Maria Hemenez:And someone reliable, because you've got to get on that machine. Yes. So they're not going to be there. You know, you're in trouble. So make sure that person is reliable as well. Okay, well
Cindy Barclay:Okay, well, Sarita. This is from Joanne. Okay. I think Joanne wrote in last week as well. And she wants to know, are there particular types of employment, you would recommend for dialysis patient now? I guess we're looking at the blue collar worker versus the white collar worker, and basically the availability of jobs. Can you touch on that?
Sarita Scarbrough:Well, I would just say to Joanne, it depends on what her physical limitations are. I mean, I think a job is a job and a person is not a company is not allowed to discriminate on the basis of you being on dialysis. But sometimes, and I'm not sure not being a medical professional, whether their are limitations. On the placement of the catheter or what have you. So, um, it could be a work from home setting. If he feels more comfortable in that, it could also be something in the administrative arena, I probably would think that you would stay away from anything that requires heavy lifting of any sort. So I think I'd have to have a little more information from Joanne. And hopefully, she's listening so she can write back to me, and let me know a little more about her circumstances, and then I may be able to offer her some more detailed information.
Cindy Barclay:Our next question is from Keisha. And she has this question for your Rita. She says, as a dialysis patient, am I covered under the Disabilities Act? I guess he's talking about the Disabilities Act of 1972, where they made that amendment that allow for benefits for dialysis patients. And she says, can I apply for SSI benefits?
Rita Williams:She can. She is covered under that. Renal disease is under that umbrella. It is an automatic qualifier. But back to what Scarborough was saying, if they haven't paid in, then there may be an issue, but she may have her husband that could help her with that, because remember, it's all about who has paid in to disability, because that all falls under the umbrella for Social Security. But yes, she can. She can apply for assistance, she can apply for her disability, they'll take her application, they'll evaluate it and let her know if she qualifies or not. Yes.
Sarita Scarbrough:Just to follow up on what Rita said, you can also calculate your potential disability online through the Social Security Administration. And if it's an individual that is not tech savvy, they may want to write this number down 1-800-772-1213. And that's the number to the Social Security Administration, they'll be able to help her in in getting that application started and calculating the benefits and working through the process with them.
Cindy Barclay:Okay, and we're going to start with BJ. And your final thoughts need to be focused primarily regarding intimacy, and any advice you have for folks when they're having challenges or difficulties with intimacy?
BJ Simone:Well, with intimacy again, the the foundation of that is communication. One of the things we've said before is that partners have to understand that dialysis means life. And so being alive is sexy, people are alive, and they're sexy and, and supporting their loved one and let them know that you know, no matter what, you're still, I'm still attracted to you. And as our respondent said, sometimes you have to find different ways. This is a time to be creative.
Cindy Barclay:All right, Maria.
Maria Hemenez:All right. I just think it's again, important to remember sex is natural sex is normal, sex is good. And make sure that you are talking to your healthcare team. There are resources out there for men and women undergoing dialysis at this time and just be real, just be vocal, and there are solutions.
Cindy Barclay:All right. Marion.
Marion:And be open, be open. That's what I would say. This is not the time to be reserved. This is a time to explore and be open.
Cindy Barclay:Okay, and you can just verbalize what you need. You know, maybe you may have to do something that you've never done before, you know, so I like that. Sarita, what do you have to say?
Sarita Scarbrough:I'll keep it real simple Ms. Barclay. Have more sex. It sounds like everybody is talking about the benefits of it. So you know, maybe this needs to become a new law. But speaking of which, oh, you know that by Viagra is paid for by the insurance company, right?
Cindy Barclay:Oh, no you didn't.
Sarita Scarbrough:So, men, if you're having a particular problem, So let's get with the insurance company. Let's get some buy Viagra. Let's start exploring some different options. And write me about that. Let me know about creativity because I hear all these words, but I you know, what is creativity now? Come on.
Cindy Barclay:Okay, what do you say about the women? Should they talk with their gynecologist?
Rita Williams:They might get a little dry down there. Don't worry, there's some help. There's no need to have any pain during intercourse or sex. Okay, so go out, talk to your gynecologist and get that cream. Yes, ma'am.
Sarita Scarbrough:Is that available at Walmart to?
Rita Williams:You can get it filled at Walmart but there's over the counter lubricants. Just going there.
Cindy Barclay:Okay and what are your final thoughts?
Rita Williams:Well, just chronic kidney disease brings about certain physical changes we know that and there's many of them but at the core like BJ say, you are still you. Reclaim your identity and redefine yourself and be a person with kidney disease and share your life fully live your life to your fullest. Don't let kidney disease define you.
Cindy Barclay:Alright, so that sounds to me like quality without quantity. How do they put that?Quantity without quality is unsatisfactory and nobody wants to be dissatisfied. Alright, so next week topics we're going to be talking about"Now that I started dialysis, where do I go from here? We hope that you've enjoyed the show. And we look forward to you joining us next week on Kickin it with Kidneys.
Intro/Outro:Well, that's it for today. Thank you for listening to Kickin it with Kidneys with your host, Cindy Barclay. See you next week. The views expressed on this podcast are educational and opinion based. These are not medical doctors.
Maria Hemenez:Be sure to catch us on social media on our website, kickinitwithkidneys.com and also on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube.