A Server's Journey

From Tragedy to Triumph: Bing Oliver on Leadership Coaching

June 13, 2018
A Server's Journey
From Tragedy to Triumph: Bing Oliver on Leadership Coaching
Chapters
A Server's Journey
From Tragedy to Triumph: Bing Oliver on Leadership Coaching
Jun 13, 2018
Rocky DeStefano
Rocky brings on friend of over thirty years to talk about how true hardship can truly define what gives you passion.
Show Notes Transcript

Special guest Bing Oliver celebrates one year as founder of Peake Coaching and Consulting and talks about how simply making yourself available to someone makes the magic he’s found as a coach and consultant. Listen for the “Four D’s” Oliver assesses in his clients and how he expertly helps to bring them to the next level. 


Speaker 1:
0:05
Welcome to this edition of a survivor's journey with rocky destefano. Rocky has been a server since its early days of working behind a counter at chick filet, the happiness on successful restaurant today, the new server himself. He loves to talk about leading yourself. A few, many, and leading an organization. Today, rocky's guest is being Oliver who has a fascinating story to share with us here on its servers. Jerk rocky introduced. I'd be happy to. So this is. I have the rail and the honor of introducing one of my longest
Speaker 2:
0:41
friends and I say longest as hillstone claim me and uh, we've been friends for over 30 years which makes us old, but it also makes them a very dear friend and a being as a very unique story. I'm going to ask them to share with us. He right now owns a company called peak consulting. I'm sorry. Wait, I got that wrong. It's coaching and consulting, peak coaching and consulting and it's a very important distinction which will have been shared with you in a moment. But what I want to do is first of all, welcome you here being. And I, I'd love for you to kind of start with your story and we go way back. I was going to say full disclosure here, you guys knew each other in college? Yes. We, uh, went to college together at a very small school in Georgia back in the late eighties and early nineties. And I looked up to being. He was the older, mature, Suave, sophisticated, a junior on campus. Did you know that? I thought that about you being on.
Speaker 3:
1:46
I'm glad you made that distinction is a minute ago. You said that makes us old. And I always correct anybody who says that we are older. Older. Yeah. Hold on guys is supposed to be here at rocky. I hadn't canceled an inaugural podcast and I thought it was interesting because for August, almost 30 years and yet I've never actually heard the whole story. And when you do that with a friend, you know when you go, when you meet somebody and start walking down the red together and a lot of sense you don't get the history. So that was super cool. And it's great to be a part of the, of the programs, but thanks for having me.
Speaker 2:
2:28
I've been looking forward to this one for awhile. So you're somebody I've looked up to for a while, but just recently you've kind of been through some stuff and I kind of wanted you to share a little bit about your recent journey.
Speaker 3:
2:40
My journey is that, gosh, over the past seven years or so, um, I've had just a lot of loss. Um, I actually listed it all out recently and there's about 30 items
Speaker 3:
2:58
and each of them, you know, ranges from, from the level of someone very close to your family are trying to take their life that, that has happened to me. Uh, my, my father passing away, who I admire greatly. I'm a divorced, lost the business community, um, a loss of friends. And um, and after all my initial losses, uh, my dad passed away more recently. Some of that stuff was years ago. Um, I had met someone very dear and we just got along fantastic. And then I lost her. She died at the six month anniversary. We're celebrating our six month anniversary. And I had just made the decision I was going to ask hearing me and I lost her as well. And, uh, and there's other things that, you know, I, I, I wouldn't, there's no benefit to listing everything on the list to kind of sum it up, my good close friend of mine, but, you know, being, I don't know anybody other job in the Bible who has lost more and um, and I don't wear that like a badge of honor.
Speaker 3:
4:04
I would wish that on my worst enemy. But as you and I chatted about their, it has somehow turned into something good. And, you know, in, in a lot of this I've had people say, well, you know, there's a purpose where there's a plan or God's scouts and he's up to something. You know, sometimes someone will say, well, you know, when, when Ruth, my fiance died, uh, you know, God wanted another, a flower in his garden. You got to be getting. But the one thing that has resonated with me, and I really want to share this is a big one for me, is, um, he makes all things beautiful in his time. So I'm a, I'm a, I'm a artist and a musician and a person who enjoys creative pursuits and loves a good damn kids maybe could easily just like you do rocky. And I would share that comment and I was like, literally right before this, I was just playing with some talking heads and some David Guitar gives me life, you know.
Speaker 3:
5:09
Um, but anyway, this, this, I think about this burst, he, he makes all things beautiful in his time that, that team is an artist way of saying it's all gonna work out because, you know, God's got a plan. Like that just doesn't register in my mind. It doesn't feel like a plant. But if you save me, okay, he can take the blue of the, of death, the purple, the White, uh, he can take the blood red blood shed and he can take the green and the blue blues. Um, and he can take those colors that are, that are full of pain and he somehow with billions of people with free will paint something beautiful out of it. And that gave me, that gave me.
Speaker 2:
5:59
Yeah. You know, it's funny because you are somebody I mentioned like up to and I do look up to you. Not that I am happy you went through this. Not that I would wish it on anybody as you said. I'm amazed that you've been able to come through it with the attitude and the, and the grace that you feel, um, for other people, you know, you mentioned job and if you remember that story and when a couple of my favorite lines is when his wife, I mean everything had happened. Of course he lost all of his money, all of his crops, all of his livestock, all of his kids were killed. Um, and at one point his wife looked at him and said, hey, why don't you curse God and die? And I, you know, that is just, I mean, okay, this is pretty low.
Speaker 2:
6:46
Now your wife is saying get it over with. But his comment to her was, who am I to expect good from God and not bad? And I think what he was trying to say is in every life there is good and bad, um, the fact that you were able to come through it and, and not only come through it, but create this, uh, organization where you're trying to impact and help others. I'm, it's truly amazing. And um, one thing that has impressed me as you ran a very successful business, you did, you were considered to be, uh, an expert in, in your, in your, in your industry, um, you were looked up to and you mentioned something to me about what you discovered about yourself and your entrepreneurship to talk to me a little bit about why you went from a successful business to a business where you're coaching and consulting.
Speaker 3:
7:44
Yeah. So, so my, my first off, I want to say a rocky super, really encouraged me when I was this past Wednesday was the one year birthday of coaching. So we celebrating. And after I decided when I decided I was going to create the company logo, you know, and that's kind of part of the way that I'm wired up. Like I'm sort of that person that's ready, fire, aim, and um, and I, I just commit and then I'm like, okay, we'll figure this out. I literally do a April 25th, 2016, 17. Yes. I decided I was going to do this. I woke up the next morning and I thought, oh my God, what have I done? I mean, I was terrified because I was like, I. because I knew I was committed and um, uh, but that, that's just the way I'm wired and, and entrepreneurial and also a coaching.
Speaker 3:
8:43
It was very, very encouraging to me when I said, hey rocky, I'm gonna do this. And he said, hey, you know what, mayor, you've been doing this for as long as I've known you, you've always been kind of interested in taking an interest in, in the development of others. I think that's very much what makes a coach and think about a successful sports figure. They get the glory. The coach sometimes nobody even knows who they are. Um, and I'm very, very comfortable and it and get excited about when people that I'm, and it's not humility, it's just who I am when people that I'm working with are, are seeing more joy in their life and more, more outcomes that they want and it's easier and they're not pulling their hair out as much. And they go, hey, this is great. I'm like, yeah, this is great.
Speaker 3:
9:28
Um, and, but I had been asked, why didn't you? A part of my losses were, um, I, I actually volunteered, stepped away, uh, for reasons that aren't worth that much getting into right now from a, a chicken restaurant franchise that I had. It was just kind of part of moving on with my, uh, my former marriage and my life. Uh, and before that I had been a business consultant with chick filet and I have, you know, a school teacher before that and just, yeah, really enjoyed a lot of success and the things that I've done and somebody asked me, hey, why don't you go back in and apply for a chick fil a franchise? And actually I did do that. Um, yeah, they were favorable for the idea, um, but I, I really, I felt to me like going backwards because I had done that and I also realized at that point in my life I needed a little bit more security of a brand and in all their aaa doesn't guarantee an income.
Speaker 3:
10:24
I mean you get a chew toy story you're going to have getting from most likely. Um, and, and so I, I realized that season of life I'm in, I'm, I'm far more interested in freedom to create and, and design and work with people that excite me, um, than I am and the insecurity and I'm far more interested in sort of a satisfaction and freedom and creativity than I am in security and a, and a predictability, if you will. So I think that, you know, if I greatly marching way operators, most of them would tell you they self report being about a six or a seven on a scale of one to 10. As an entrepreneur, I'm a nine. And so I, I kind kinda need that risk in three.
Speaker 2:
11:16
Right. So you woke up the next day after you decided to do it? Afraid beyond belief and excited about the fear.
Speaker 3:
11:25
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, it's like, it's a little bit like the fear of like as you're going up the top of a very, very high roller coaster, if you did it on purpose, you're scared, but you did it to yourself on purpose
Speaker 2:
11:40
because, uh, you, you mentioned, of course we have this long friendship and I was a kind of a freshman, sophomore trying to figure myself out at that point I was probably a lot more lost than found when you entered my life. And you mentioned we did this study together, but it wasn't just that we did a study together. It was that I remember distinctly and you might not, but we actually were doing this study and then afterwards you pulled me and another young guy named Joe aside and you said, Hey, I've noticed this about you. Am I right? And you had nailed it and I won't mention the topic, but you had nailed it and you said, let's help each other get better year. And what was amazing to me, we just had a guest on this week and she talked about the value of do I want to be nice or do I want to be kind nice means I tell people what they want to hear in kind means I tell them the truth in love.
Speaker 2:
12:43
And I remember and when she was telling me that, that statement, I thought immediately back to the story of you because you were kind to me, you saw something that maybe even I didn't want to admit and you were kind enough to share it with me. It helped. Um, so it's odd that you were concerned about being a consultant or forming this company because I actually always that this made a lot more sense to me than you even being an operator of chicken legs. Yeah. So I, I think you've found kind of a niche which is gonna really fulfill you for a long while.
Speaker 3:
13:20
It was thrilling to me. And I guess maybe another way to say this way because there's other reasons we're self interested, which is not bad by the way. I'm not selfish. Um, but in terms of other interested, I felt like I was going to be, you know, I'm 52 and, you know, I want to make a difference or at least I want to feel like I'm making a difference and this felt like an opportunity to make more of a difference. And um, and I, it's interesting, I, I don't remember that conversation rocky. I'm, I'm honored that you do tremendously. Thirty two years later, still with me.
Speaker 2:
14:05
Thirty two years later. It's still with me.
Speaker 3:
14:08
Wow. But it's another reason that I, that, that, that I sense that, you know, I'm a good sweet spot is that, that I am. One of the things that I did that led to creating a company and I wish we could show these, but we're, we're, we're, we're, we're audio, not visual website. I created these things where I put um, uh, the uh, images with, with, with scriptures are saying. And I have the one that is a black oyster, a Henderson and reaching in to grab the black, the Black Pearl with a hand reaching in to grab the Pearl. And the oyster is funny and there's dirt under the fingernails and imagined picture and I'll develop this with people and ask them what you see here. You know, it's a pearl here, but everything else around it, it's kind of dirty and climbing like, yeah, so you got tremendous value, um, in the context of and not such a great environment.
Speaker 3:
15:09
And the verse that goes along with it, I proceeded with a quote that says you are in treasure and then it says, the anxious longings of the creation await the revealing of the sons of God. And this is a foundational thing for my business is that I love. And, and I find it very natural to look at a person and see below the surface and go, hey, do you realize this about yourself? You realize there's treasure in there. And a lot of times they'll go, no, no, I didn't see that. But now that you pointed out, yeah, I can't think I kind of see it. And I go, okay, let's draw that out, but let's bring that to the surface. And that is incredibly sad.
Speaker 2:
15:53
So now I feel like I have to see that, so at the end of the show we'll get some of that artwork maybe that you want to share and we can put it on our website and we'll also be giving people a way to get ahold of, you know, the name of the program is a survivor's journey and what I'm hearing is you've been a server all this time and how do you deal with people being a servant maybe. Why do you feel compelled to. You mentioned, um, after all that you went through that your heart kind of opened up with grace. How does that lead you into being a server of other people?
Speaker 3:
16:33
I don't know. I have to, I have to be honest. When you say that I feel uncomfortable, you know, hey, I'm the most humble person you've ever met. Let me tell you, and I will say we talked about this before the show and I liked this remembering this, that it's pain, it is filling your heart and your heart is sort of feels like a balloon blowing up and getting bigger and bigger because it's full of pain. And that, that was my heart, I was desperate to the point of seeing no hope on many occasions, but somebody said to me, when your heart expands like that through pain, it also expands the capacity to love. And um, my, my life that I picked when I was grading that you rocky. Uh, I was probably 18 and I had no idea how, how this would play out in my life.
Speaker 3:
17:33
Is it John Fifteen? Five? If you abide in me and my words abide in you, uh, you'll bear much fruit for apart from me, you can do nothing. And I even then I was like, Whoa, like nothing. It's been I guess 30 something years. No, I mean, you know, when you talk about serving, like for me, I, I've got like a thumbnail, no generosity or patients or whatever. And a part of the logo of my business is a triangle. And, and, and it's kind of, whoa, that's a long story. We probably can't tell me Shit, but I'd love to come back and share this with the triangles is a visual reminder to me that instead of going across directly to a situation to try to serve or be served to go up to the foot of the cross and I hate yourself to religious. I'm not a very religious person actually, but in my relationship with God is very real and I'll just literally walk every situation and I walked into, I go, okay, I'm not going to try to do this myself, I'm just going to be available. And um, and, and you know, this past week, like I was literally just going, I've got nothing to offer here. But I said, hey, I'm available. And it will. And when those times happen, it's amazing what happens.
Speaker 2:
18:56
Do you find that most people. And we had a conversation last week where you helped me think through a four ds. Yeah. And it was impactful and I think if you had held my hand to the fire, I probably knew them. I maybe wouldn't have called them those four. Um, but, but, but I think I probably knew him, but there was such a value in you listening and you guiding me to those points. I would imagine that's a large part of what you do is take what's already in somebody. Can we know what the four ds are? Are they proprietary or can you share them with us?
Speaker 3:
19:38
Oh yeah, I'd be glad to share them. I think the development, my personal development and a, a leader, for lack of a better word. Um, and what I saw in my father, he was a chick fil a operator. Um, what I've observed in others. And now I'm, I'm working with a client who's in the flooring business. I've got someone who's a, an administrative assistant and everything in between. And I'm, I'm finding this holds true across the board so far. Uh, the model seems to work. So it's basically four things first year, which means you're kind of a, you're, you're defined by your ability to do how good you do a task. Then you become a delegator, which is quite simply taking a task and kind of showing somebody else how to do it. Asking them to do it and then literally coming back in, inspecting what you expect.
Speaker 3:
20:35
A, the next level then is developer where instead of being task specific, we're taking a, an area of the organization saying, Hey, you're responsible for the drive through or you're responsible for the office and, and, and, and letting them kind of own that in the, one of the key behaviors. There's trust and, and, and coaching. And then I, and that, that I had been aware of that this sport when really started to hit my radar screen a couple of years ago and that's this idea of being a designer. Um, and when your organization gets, were very large and complex and you get to the place where you can't develop all the people that need to be developed and there are too many departments for you to touch personally. And then I believe that your role needs to become out of being a minor. And a definer is a person who says, this is the reality here. This is acceptable, this is not acceptable. And they're, they're, they're all about inspiration, repetition of phrases, a brand, an internal brand. You know?
Speaker 2:
21:40
Yeah. And I think that was the most meaningful part to me and again, you know, a lot of it is common sense but common sense is not very common is what I'm realizing and I think that's the real role that a coach or a consultant can play is you, it's just kind of really how you streamline. Because I found that I could have a, you know, I understood do I understood, developed by and delegate, but that defining role, I know what it is, but I needed help to just understand that that's where I had to get to. And so I think that that's the real value that you offer a lot of people too, is helping to assess where they're at and maybe guiding them to the next, next level, you know?
Speaker 3:
22:24
Yeah. Well you and I went through literally give yourself and evaluate, you know, where you are and then where would you like to be six to 12 months from now. And I'm a coach and I asked up front what kind of kosher. I'm primarily an executive and leadership coach, but I can't leave out being a personal coach because no times, uh, you know, people's relationships, marriages, kids, whatever, you know, it's an important part of the equation. So we talked about that too and I have great resources on a lot of that stuff that I work with my limit on. But I liked it. I like to share with people, if you're trying to come in specialist, what a coach does, think about going to the gym and into your point, rocky, you know, you're, you're right on, like, you can do this yourself. You can be January first.
Speaker 3:
23:13
You decided you're going to lose 30 pounds this year and get cut. You know, you go online, you find yourself a couple of good plans for workout in a, in a nutrition routine, and you got to do it. But the reality is most gyms, I'm sorry to say, take most of their money off of food. People don't show up and it's the person that gets the attention. She's got a little bit of extra keys and it will further down the line. Gives them a plan. Ultimate accountability, you know, it gives them some grace but a kick in the butt when they need it. And so, you know, yes, you can do whatever you want to do without a coach. A coach helps you get from point a to point b more quickly with less frustration and they save you time and they help you be more likely to hit your goal.
Speaker 2:
24:02
Like you said, there's that accountability which so many of us need. And so this takes us to a good point. It's almost like we planned this perfect segue. Tell, tell everybody how they would get ahold of you if they're interested in your services.
Speaker 3:
24:18
Well, that's interesting. I'm, I'm a, I'm uh, um, I keep it lean and mean. I probably the best way to do it would be to email me. Can we, do we say that here?
Speaker 2:
24:31
I would say it here and then we'll also put it on our website.
Speaker 3:
24:36
Alright. So it's been all over at [inaudible] dot com. So B I n g e r p e a, k e t, h and m. I'm also have a facebook page. You can look at peak coaching and consulting, um, and you can find some resources there. And then, um, I, I have a youtube channel, I produce videos I'm on most weeks and they're just two minutes long and I love, I love do them and I get a lot of good feedback and then the youtube channel is undermining being oliver
Speaker 2:
25:12
and we're going to be putting all of these links onto our website
Speaker 1:
25:20
being. We're going to do this segment that we like and I know it's somewhat putting you on the spot, but you're a good sport. I know. So this, this, and this segment I'm going to tell, I'm going to give you two names and I want you to tell me which one you prefer and why. And it's okay. You don't want to choose, but there's nothing. Sue's endless here. We'll find out where he's at. That's right. So, so, so here's the first one to Elan Musk or Richard Branson from Virgin Atlantic
Speaker 2:
25:50
airline.
Speaker 3:
25:52
Ilan, I think I can relate to it more. Uh, he, he, he recently, we brought up this idea that I've been chewing on a lot of like, um, this, this insidious nature that we have as human beings where we can't see what we want, what we need to see because we want to see what we want to see. So for example, if you're thinking about buying a new car and you decide, you know, on, on the make and model, they like all of a sudden now the features and benefits are huge and the negative or you can, you won't look at the negative reviews and we tend to do this about anything you know at. Well, I'll just put, I'll put you on the spot. Rocky, you told me that, you know, you have some career aspirations to grow in your career and I was kinda like, Hey, be careful what you ask, where you might get it. And um, and you know, I hear people talking about, Oh man, when I get such and such, I'm really happy that you thought about this, this and that. Yeah.
Speaker 2:
26:53
Okay. Next one is would be steve jobs or Bill Gates.
Speaker 3:
26:58
Oh, clearly sees jobs. And Use apple fan and that was cool. This is cool. I have a quote to go with with each of these people. Steve Jobs. My favorite thing that he said. And I always tell people, uh, some version of a, we don't hire smart people so that we can tell them what to do. We hire smart people so they can tell us what to do.
Speaker 2:
27:20
Okay. Next one would be Steven Spielberg or Walt Disney.
Speaker 3:
27:26
I'm a huge Walt Disney fan. Uh, just kinda amazing vision. And I'm, you know, he was a practitioner is to start off with. He was a good artist themselves.
Speaker 2:
27:38
Know he gets a vote every time. Yeah, he is. He's, he's 100 percent. The only one who's 100 percent so far. Wow. Alright. Um, we also have this one that the next two are very important to very different segments of the population. The first one is star wars or Harry Potter.
Speaker 3:
27:56
I have to choose.
Speaker 2:
27:58
Yeah. Right. You don't have to. You can say I like them both.
Speaker 3:
28:02
Or you can say you don't like either one. Yes. Why? Why advantage to star wars? Only because that was my child, I was 12 years old and I sat in the theater and watched it three times straight and just changed my life, uh, in, in, in, in that summer. But Gosh, what a great story.
Speaker 2:
28:27
Harry Potter, all of us want to believe in magic, right?
Speaker 3:
28:31
Yeah. Yeah. I guess that's the thing is I just, when, when, when, when star wars came out, I still believe in magic. You still, but it's kind of magic.
Speaker 2:
28:40
Sure. So, okay, now this last one is very important in my household. I have three daughters and actually you got a chance to meet one via skype down of the day, but Broadway or rock and roll. Oh, rock and roll. I knew you were going to say that, but you know, for me it's, it's kind of amazing to admit I love rock and roll, but if I did not like Broadway, I would cease to exist in my house. They would absolutely have an insurrection and throw me out. I can tell you that right now. So I'm become broader.
Speaker 3:
29:12
I'm actually envisioning existing and then you know, that sort of thing where you just sort of diminishing to a tiny speck proof of gone. Oh yeah. Yeah. What happened? Trust me.
Speaker 1:
29:28
Well Oliver, thank you very much for being on a journey with your friend rocky. It's always great to know people that know rock. That's we're looking for dirt. I think what he's saying, we're not so we want to remind everyone to subscribe to the podcast. Go on the line on the. What's that called? The website surfers journey.com. We appreciate hearing from you at the bottom of the page. There are some ideas for you. If you would like to share these ideas with us, we would like to hear them and if you've got some questions for rocky, would certainly be glad to answer them as well and we'll be posting the image or your website from your website thing we appreciate. So know we are all on a journey and it's really how you serve in that role. That's important to me and that's why every week we love to share this on a service journey. So once again, I'm rocky, Desteffano and remembered in my pleasure to serve you.