Journey To Self Acceptance

In today's episode, I discuss "Self-Acceptance". Highlighting the need for it, as well as signs and consequences of not having self-acceptance, I expatiate on actionable tools and practical steps that can help people grow into accepting themselves.

 Episode Key points:

[00:09] Today's topic is "Self-Acceptance"

[01:45] Why do people have negative views about themselves?

[03:08] Leah's experience with emotional trauma.

[12:25] Leah’s Self-Acceptance.  

[15:08] Signs that you're not accepting yourself and simple steps to take.

[20:07] Emotional Freedom Techniques (E.F.T) and other actionable tools for Self-Acceptance.

 

Resources Mentioned:

Connect: 

Find | IT MIGHT BE YOU

New episodes release on Thursdays!

Follow me on Instagram at @Superiorthinkerinc and keep up with all things, Leah and the podcast. 

Subscribe to the podcast on YouTube.

Thanks for listening!

Transcript

Leah McIntosh: 0:00

Welcome to it might be you podcast. I'm your host, Leah McIntosh. I'm here to help you learn that on the other side of that pain and trauma is your transformation. There may be some limiting beliefs, negative emotions, and private struggles that have led you to having your it might be me moment, I'm here to help you learn to adapt, because we were created to be limitless. My hope is with each episode you feel more understood and willing to accept that although some of our past decisions landed us in a place of uncertainty, we're only one decision away from living our best lives. Now. Let's heal. Hey, everyone, welcome to another episode. Today is a solo episode, and we're gonna be discussing self acceptance. And I know this topic is not one that is often acknowledged. But it's important because it plays a huge factor in how you treat yourself, and also how you allow other people to treat you. Let's just jump right in. And just acknowledge that sometimes we are our own worst critics most of the time. And if you are constantly having negative thoughts about yourself, talking bad about yourself, have like self deprecating humor in front of other people where you're doubting yourself. That is not a good thing. Because your subconscious mind believes everything that you say. So if you're telling yourself, you're saying out loud, I hate that I have a big nose, or I'm so ugly, or I'm bad, or whatever it is, your subconscious mind has taken that and programming that thought process. And so you can go down this rabbit hole of hell basically. And never be able to fully accept who you are, and what you have to offer. Because of those negative thoughts and things that you say, well, for a number of reasons we may feel negative about ourselves, it could be our own view on who we are, or it could be something that we adopted over time, from hearing it from other people. For example, if you grew up in a home where you were put down often and told you are stupid or dumb, or you would never amount to anything, that's kind of hard to break that cycle. And think that you're anything more than that when you are hearing that day in and day out from the person or people that were supposed to be nurturing you, and making you feel like a whole healthy human. So it's not hard to see how those generational curses as what I call them, are passed down from generation to generation until somebody decides, you know what, I'm not going to do this in my household, I'm not going to do this anymore, I'm not gonna put myself down. Personally, for me, growing up, I wasn't raised in a home where we were put down or anything like that. But I know as an adult, I haven't been the nicest to myself because I was a very athletic trim that trim, you know, nicely shaped woman and to a lot of the trauma caught up with me. And instead of processing the emotions, I ate them. I know that I put on the last 100 pounds more as protection, then anything but because of that I haven't been able to fully accept Leah, like who I am right now. Because in my mind for a long time, even when, before I got to my current weight. I did not view myself the way that I currently am and sometimes I still don't like I see myself in the mirror and I'm like, Oh my God. That's not me. You know, like I still view myself how I was. And if you can relate to that, then you know what I'm saying? Like I avoid getting in pictures. I avoid walking in the mirror. I avoid so many different things because then I have to face the fact that everything good or bad that happened to me I have to take responsibility for it. Or not necessarily for the actual act, but for how I allowed it to affect me. So the weight gain that I've, I've had, I have to take responsibility for that, I can't blame the person that caused my trauma. If that makes sense to you in person, I know this gonna be a hard pill to swallow. But instead of going to therapy, instead of figuring out a way to heal, I fed the pain with food. That's what I use as comfort. I remember coming home, when I was working outside, for other people, and I would work 12 to 16 hour shifts, I'll come home, lay in the bed, eat McDonald's and watch er for the rest of the night, for hours, and that would just be my routine, didn't want to think you know what, I can get the same comfort on some levels by going and working out or going and doing something that I found enjoyable. Instead, I just decided I don't want to be around people, I don't want to do anything that's gonna make me have to think or, you know, I just wanted mindless, quiet. Nothing. And that's, that's what I did. That's what I did. I remember I went through a whole year of that. I don't even know if I really seen any friends. And when I ended up moving out of my own apartment into an apartment with a friend of mine, and I started that cycle, she called me to the carpet her and her mother nails like a baby you you're depressed. And this is not healthy. We're asking you to go out and do stuff. And you always say no, because you want to eat McDonald's and watch er or whatever, you This is not good. It's not good at all. And at the time, I was still you know, a young, a young woman, I was not that I'm old. But you know, I was still in my 20s. And so that's when I started realizing I don't accept myself in any way right now. I didn't my self esteem was just shot, my self worth was shot. Like I just I didn't care about myself anymore. And how can you accept yourself? If you don't care about yourself? You can't? How can you care about someone else, if you don't care about you, you really can't. Okay, so not being able to accept yourself affects so many facets of your life, that, you know, you'll look up and you won't have friends anymore. Because you've spent so much time in a funk. Like I call them my folks, but really just to be real as depression phases where I would have just be in this mode. And I remember, they started when I was 16. And they would last for a long time. And I never really understood it. Because in the African American community, mental health is not really something that is stressed. We tend to pray, pray it away. And not everything can be prayed away. You know, if you don't have the tools to release some of those negative emotions that can get stuck, then that's, that's why you you get in these perpetual cycles of depression. That's why, you know, you may feel like you've been stuck in the same place, running in a circle or loop for decades. Because you literally are, you're literally stuck with that negative emotion because you have not been taught how to release it. And with the self acceptance, that's definitely not something that we're taught. We're not taught to accept yourself, to love yourself. You're not those are things that are are not talked about. Just like self love, we're not taught to love ourselves. We're taught to love others, you know, to do you turn the other cheek. That was one of the big things in my house. Don't be fickle, or don't entertain the fickle or something to that nature. My dad used to say all the time and I'm like, okay, I was always so resistant. About that mindset, that I'm like, No, it just didn't never sit right with me that I had to continuously put other people before myself. What about me? You know, what about me? What about how I feel about things? And it's not a selfish thought is not me thinking, I don't care about anybody else, it had nothing to do about with that it was? How can I fully show up for other people? If I'm not full? or? Yeah, from if I'm not fully healed? Or if I'm not fully accepting of myself? How can I really accept anyone else? how, you know, are you really truly accepting of other people? Or is that just something that you tell yourself, because I'm serious if you can accept yourself. And I'm talking about in every facet, in every stage, because it doesn't matter, you don't have to be like personally obese or anything, you could literally it could be that you just think, very low of yourself, your self esteem is so low, and you're a people pleaser, and you put other people before, before you, you're not accepting yourself, you're just you're not, you know, we have to learn how to fully accept every part of who we are, until I until you could do that, you're not going to be able to move forward. And this has been a hard lesson for me, because, you know, I've been on this weight loss journey, trying to get back some semblance of the Leah that I was used to are, you know, me used to, and it finally hit me, I'm not gonna get there until I accept who I am right now. that for some reason, myself, my subconscious mind, my mind body connection, all those things, felt like it was necessary for my survival to be in the body that I'm in currently. So I have to learn to accept that and in turn, accept myself, for where I'm at right now to be able to move forward. And to be honest, we've heard this on other episodes, about, you know, creating safety in creating trust again, in your body. I know that because of past traumas, I don't fully trust myself. You know, especially for the the date rape situation, as an adult, you know, to be an adult, you think, or for me, I just speak personally for myself, being a child that was molested. That is something that like, stuck with me. And I made promises to the little Lia that I wouldn't allow someone to come and take my take my power away from me again. And for that to happen, it completely obliterated the woman that I was becoming at that point. And so yeah, I went into a spiral. And I went into a depression. And I was in that depression for two years. And I couldn't accept I really couldn't accept myself at that point. I couldn't accept anything or anybody. I you know, any relationships that were a lot of the relationships that I had, at that point, friendships, suffered. It I mean, they suffered and I'm, I'm thankful that I still have the group of friends that I have, because I look at it and I'm like, if my friends completely shut down like that on me, how would I feel? It's not good, you know, you suffer. And so really, this episode is a note to self. And I also want to share three of the tools that I utilize now when I feel myself going into a funk, basically. And I want to also like know, some of the signs of not being able to accept yourself. So number one, is if you're constantly thinking negatively about yourself, or speaking negatively about yourself, you don't accept who you are. Whether you're doing that in front of people or just in your head, you have to remember that your subconscious mind is very powerful. And if you keep repeating the same thing over and over, is going to believe that. Okay? So check yourself, think about what you're you're saying out loud about yourself. Think about what you're thinking about yourself, if you catch yourself thinking something negative, then I want you to say this, this quick little mantra, I don't believe that about myself, I'd know that I'm worthy, and I know that I'm better, then that thought, I don't accept. That's so important, you know, to really start thinking about or not thinking about catching, what you are saying to yourself, okay, because it plays a huge part in how you're treated by others as well. You know, so, think about that. Number two, if you have a toxic environment, where you're constantly putting being put down, and you feel obligated to be in that environment, then this is your your wake up call here, no one, I don't care if your mommy or daddy, or Jesus Himself, no one has the right to belittle you, or make you feel less than at all, at any point. Okay, so being okay with setting healthy boundaries for yourself, is also a huge step towards accepting yourself, it's okay to tell people, you're not going to talk to me like that, or I don't, you know, I don't appreciate that, or whatever you have to, you have to stick up for yourself. Or, if it's a, if it's so toxic, that you don't need to be around it at all, and be okay with that. It's okay to realize that the people that you may have grew up with or that raised, you are not going to be your people throughout your life. You know, there's a saying that not everyone is meant to be with you for a lifetime, some people are just there for a season. That includes family. Okay? I know it's hard, though. So I'm not gonna sit up here and say, it's gonna be an easy transition, because it's not, but for your own mental health, and for your own growth, and be able to being able to be the best version of you, you're going to have to eliminate relationships that don't serve you and that are not going to help you becoming who you want to become. Number three is, you know, sticking to your to what you say you're gonna do that is a big part of accepting yourself is you have to create that trust. If you can't trust yourself, then it's like a fish out of water. And I know that I'm speaking from personal experience. It's hard, you know, to regain that trust, but it could start with something as simple as for the next week, I'm gonna drink you know, all my eight ounces, 64 ounces of water or whatever, I'm just, I'm gonna stick to that. It could be something that simple. But it's basically something that you told yourself and you follow through with it. So those are some tools but I really want to get into actionable things that you can do as well. Because anxiety, negativity, all those things will come up during this process. And so one of my go to Tools is EFT and that's for those of you that don't know, Emotional Freedom Techniques. And there are seven seven different locations that you tap in for those of you watching on on YouTube. There's I have YouTube videos, just showing the basics of EFT or if you want to go and go on YouTube and find videos on EFT I highly suggest it. But let's just say you know you're filled with anxiety because you're about to go in and have to confront not necessarily come from but just be in the same space with someone that makes you feel a certain type of way. It's not a good way of just negative. They're just constantly saying negative things to you. One way to kind of alleviate that anxiety about that is using EFT and doing three rounds of it before you, you go and just being on in a grounded state. My next tool besides that, if you have time, which is a little bit more time consuming is hypnotherapy. If you don't know or I've never experienced a hypnotherapy session, it is one of the most relaxed, relaxing and impactful practices that I utilize. I'm not someone that can sit around for over an hour and meditate, I just, I get bored, my mind starts racing. But with hypnotherapy, I can get down in deep, you know, deep, there's nothing running through my mind. And I'm just in the most relaxed, profound state that I can be in. And it takes about 20 minutes. So a good example of one of my last hypnotherapy sessions was I had an incident at home, which was very scary is I mean, I just call it like it is It was scary it it had me and my husband in a state of just fight or flight, and I could feel the fight or flight coursing through my body, just the adrenaline, days after this the infinite. And so I had to have a hypnotherapy session done, I was fortunate enough, because I have a lot of friends who are hypnotherapist as well as myself. And within 10 minutes, I felt I literally was like almost like a switch, I felt the switch turned off. And I was back in a grounded state. And the next tool that I use on a regular, and I've talked about this before is mirror work. So this is really for somebody that if you know that your negative self talk or self thinker, mirror work is going to be your jam, okay? Because you're going to sit in the mirror 10 to 15 minutes, it doesn't have to be long, if you can be five minutes in, you're going to say nice things to yourself. And you're going to do it every day, once or twice a day. And what's gonna happen is that there's gonna be a lot of ugly crying. And there's gonna be a lot of release of things that you may not even realize that you had picked up. But I don't want you just to talk to you, I want you to talk to the little view, I want you to talk to the little seven year old or six year old, you. And I want you to tell yourself, I love you accept you. And I forgive you. And just repeat that. When I did that, I did that for the first time. I started that practice six years ago, going on seven. And there's still emotions that come up that I'm not aware of that just you know, I look up and I'm just ugly crying for stuff that I have just held on to. One of the big things I really want you to understand is that when you hold on to the negative emotions and things that it can cause and wreak havoc in your body. But that's a whole nother topic. So we won't even go into that. But yeah, this episode was really for getting those actionable steps to start moving towards self acceptance. When you're able to accept yourself, you're able to show up, not only for yourself, but everyone else in the best possible way. So with that, I really hope that you start using these tools in the actionable steps that I gave you. I know. For some of you hypnotherapy may not be available. But the other two things are pretty easy to incorporate into your life. So anywho I'm going to end the episode on that note and I hope that you all found value in it. If you do then remember to let me know and share like and comment. Talk to you on the next one. Thank you for listening to another episode of it might be you please tune in each Thursday for new releases, then make sure to subscribe, share and review. If you enjoyed this episode, you can find me on Instagram at Perry thinker Inc. and as always remember to allow yourself the space for grace and give yourself the gift of self forgiveness.