It Might Be You- Healing Vs. Coping

In this episode I discuss the difference between coping with trauma and healing from trauma, elucidating the need for true healing and modalities that help with the process.

 Episode Key points:

[01:07] Why Leah hasn't posted any episode for a while

[03:25] The difference between healing and coping with trauma

[10:25] Trauma also affects the physical aspects of your life.

[13:55] The process to true healing

[15:36] Reiki, a healing modality.

[20:45] Moving forward with the podcast

 Resources Mentioned:

Connect: 

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Transcript

Leah McIntosh: 0:03

Welcome to it might be you podcast. I'm your host, Leah McIntosh. I'm here to help you learn that on the other side of that pain and trauma is your transformation. There may be some limiting beliefs, negative emotions, and private struggles that have led you to having your it might be me moment, I'm here to help you learn to adapt, because we were created to be limitless. My hope is with each episode you feel more understood and willing to accept that although some of our past decisions landed us in a place of uncertainty, we're only one decision away from living our best lives. Now. Let's heal. Hey, Hey, everyone, welcome to another episode of it might be you know, I have been Mia and haven't released some episodes for a while. And for that, I apologize. And I'll go into kind of why that was. And yeah, and kind of tell you what I'm envisioning for this podcast moving forward. So first off, one of the biggest reasons why I've been Ma Ma is I had this perpetual cycle that would occur in the month of January or not January, Lord September, where I would feel just in a funk. And I started feeling that again. And I just couldn't get myself to do what I needed to do. It was just, it was hard for me to kind of dig myself out of that. And you know what, it's okay. To sometimes feel off, but what's not okay is staying in that state. So I really set down the last two weeks of September and just try to pinpoint what in the world could this be? Is this really me? Or am I taking on other people's junk, because there was a lot going on in September for me. And as far as other people that I was working with, and in the house, having someone that's very emotional, and not able to tell me what's going on, it was just a lot. And I came to the realization that around that time, you know, it's the season change. And that's a big thing. And I was also taking on other people's stuff, because when I really sat down and thought about it and thought about who had I been surrounding myself with and had I've been protecting my energy? And the answer was no. And I always know when I overdo it, because my body tells me that I'm overdoing it. In September, I had several breakouts as far as like hives, and that let me know I'm not taking care of me, I'm taking care of everybody else. But I forgot to protect myself as far as my energy, I was just giving so much of myself away to other people and not recharge my batteries the correct way. And so with that this kind of leads into a topic that I think is really important for us to discuss, which is the difference between heal healing and coping with trauma. One of the biggest reasons why I want to talk about this is because as I was sitting there doing the work, I had to think back, was there anything dramatic that happened over the course of my life in that month of September? And I couldn't pinpoint anything. So that let me know, okay, I need to really focus on what exactly I'm allowing to be near me, you know, in that in that space. And so I know that the latter part of the year for me as hard because there was a lot of loss in trauma from other people, or for me losing people. But this was just, I just had to accept the fact that, hey, I think I have some seasonal blues from time to time, and that's fine. And it was huge for me to finally come to that realization. Because in the past before I started down these journey or this journey to heal from my trauma I would sit there and allow myself to get caught up for months. And I would look up and from September, to sometimes February, I would be in a funk. And everything would just kind of go to hell, honestly. And so I would get caught up in old traumas that I never healed from during that time. Just, it was just not a good thing. And so, with that, I used to not necessarily be braggadocious, but like in the black community, especially with black women, you know, we are kind of taught, just deal with it. Just just deal with it, you know, whatever it is deal with it. And we became very, very good at coping, which is a great skill to have, but it's not the most healthy. And so with that, I realized, I cope with a lot of stuff, I'm really good at coping, but I'm not, I hadn't become good at sitting there with things and feeling the feelings, doing the work that needed to be done to actually move past it. And most of us have endured some type of trauma in our lives, and there's always going to be those reminders. And it doesn't really matter what the trauma is, could have been a death of a loved one, a sexual assault, whatever. Once something like that happens in your life, you're always going to remember it. And, you know, for me, like I know, I'm someone that's diagnosed with PTSD from, you know, my childhood traumas. And, you know, I found treatment and use other methods to heal from that. But I really want to talk about the distinction between healing and coping with trauma, because they can help you move and resolve from that place in your life. Okay. So first off, coping is different than healing. And that is different. in the, in the fact that when you cope with a wound, you're only putting a band aid over it. You don't take the time to clean the wound and apply the antibacterial ointment beforehand, you just slap a bandaid on it, and you keep it moving. And eventually what's going to happen is that wound is never healed, it's gonna fester. And it's going to become infected. And in what happens is in your life, because you you're choosing not to do and heal from that other parts of your life are going to be affected. And so with that, when you allow and you're just walking around with all these open wounds, you know, let's just agree they're just not a good thing. You know, when you're when you're just you're, you're allowing suffering, okay. And most of us are a lot of us don't even realize that that's what's happening. coping is an important skill set, like I said before, and it will help you through it. And it usually consists of, you know, thinking good that trying to be positive, practicing mindfulness. And it does help recover from the trauma, but they don't actually help you move forward and to complete the healing. So how do you move past coping into true healing? Well, honestly, it doesn't matter how good at coping you are. And I can tell you that from experience. If you're someone that struggle from PTSD like Mi true trauma healing can only take place when you're really ready to do the deep work. And some of those things, I'm going to list a few different modalities you can use. But one thing that people don't talk about is how trauma also affects not just your emotional as, or not the emotional and intellectual aspects of your life, but physical. So we tend to leave the physical alone, we don't even think about that. And we can sit up there, and we live in experience in the memory of trauma, over and over and over, because it becomes stored in your nervous system. And then your muscles. And your, may not even be aware of it. Like for me, I had no clue about these things. I had no idea that the trauma that I entered as a child could stay stuck for that long. But I know I've mentioned in the past that I always felt this heaviness that I couldn't let go, you know, it was just this heaviness in the middle of my chest. And it wasn't until I was able to dissociate and really look at the situation from a different vantage point, was able to really, truly start healing from it. And also, another big thing for me during that process was actually getting out and moving my body. Whenever I'm in a funk, like all September for the most part, I didn't feel normal unless I was out moving my body walking, doing something like that. And one of the big things that I take part in now is somatic therapies. And there's so many different things you can do. But it's what is the Matic therapy is a body based therapy basically. So what they do is that it offers you a way to recognize and understand the way that trauma is stored in your body. We don't think about this stuff, like we really do. I know I didn't, I was just thinking I was coping so well. I didn't even care. Like I didn't realize that I was hurting myself, you know more. Just letting that wound stay open and faster than I was to just deal with it. So one of the big things for me is finding a modality or it was finding modality that felt good for me, that made me feel safe, where I could release different things. And I know I've I've had several different people on the podcast, but one was when she was talking about the the yoga, the Kundalini Yoga, that's a great option for those of you that need to do some type of released. So the process of doing this is first recognizing that, oh, I have trauma stored in my body. I don't know how to release this. So I'm gonna have to find something that works for me that makes me feel safe, that's accessible so that I can really do this recovery and understand that it may take a little bit more time for you than others. But one thing that I always say is there's no one size fits all to healing so that's okay. Okay. So, a few things. A few questions I want you to ask yourself are just one of the last time that you truly felt safe and can you describe that feeling and or describe that place and then What in your body told you that you felt safe? Write those things down. Okay? And if you can give, give examples. And as you're thinking about those things, how did you feel? Those are huge questions to ask yourself, because when I had to ask myself that it was kind of eye opening for me. So right now, one of my go two modalities that I'm working with clients on is Reiki. And if you're not familiar with what Reiki is, it's a ancient Japanese healing modality where it's a gentle laying, laying on of the hands. And we're really focusing on your chakras and, and doing healing that way your healing your energy centers. And so my first experience with it, I guess the best word for me to describe it was miraculous. I'm someone who is very skeptical. I mean, very, it doesn't matter. If I see other people do it, I have to experience it to believe it. And so I had heard about Reiki from several different people. I'd even had this lady tell me that she did Reiki on me. And my friends who knew what Reiki were was like, that was not Reiki. I don't know what she was doing. But that wasn't it. Well, whatever she did, it felt good. But it was not Reiki. So I decided I'm going to get certified in Reiki myself, I bought a book and I read it. And I was really interested to learn all the ins and outs, and I went to the class. And even sitting in the class, I was skeptical. Because in the book I heard or I read that, you know, you'll feel the energy in your hands activate, and you'll feel heat and all this stuff. And I was like, Okay, yeah, sure. And I sat there. And when I experienced it, I was like, Oh, okay. But even then, I was skeptical. And it wasn't until I actually started working on clients that I believed it that I had completely and it was within that same. It was the next day when I was working on somebody. And I felt this overwhelming. Just pure, clean, loving energy. And heat. It was such a world was hot. It was such a hot eat. Not to the point where was burning, but just like, I can't even explain it, that. I verbalize like, Oh my gosh, you know, and I didn't know my client that was laying on the table. If she was feeling what I was feeling. And when she got up and she told me she was like, yeah, girl was so hot. I started sweating. And I was like, Oh my gosh, what's up with that? You know, it was it was pretty intense. And moving forward with that. It has been just kind of a life changing thing. Because I do Reiki on myself daily, and I do it for people physically and in the distance. And so with that, I actually am opening up some spots. For my new Reiki and hypnotherapy fusion, I'm actually fusing fusing that thing together. So it's a program where you'll get Reiki, hypnotherapy and coaching. And it's called renew with Reiki. And I have nine spots available. Still, I've filled up quite a few of them, so I only have nine left. It's 12 weeks. And so if you're interested in learning more you check out the show notes at the end of this podcast. For those of you that really want to stop coping and start healing. To me, this is just more tools for you to use to help You down that journey and down that path, I needed these tools. And with that, when you get coaching with me, you know, being that I am certified and several different modalities, I use everything that I know just depends on what, what you come to me with. But Reiki is so gentle. And it the energy flows where it needs to. But like I said, you can learn more about it in the links in the show notes. But I really wanted to touch base about moving forward with the podcast, of course, I'm still going to keep the format and allow other people to come on and share their stories. And I'm also going to be touching more on parenting, as far as the difficulties and the joys of parenting individuals that have different needs than our own, and the traumas that are associated with that. So if you are someone that you know, has a child or adult that is a special needs person, then definitely share the podcast. Because a lot of those parents and the individuals don't understand don't realize the amount of trauma that they have in that they deal with on a regular basis. And so I do want to start incorporating that part of my life into the podcast, because it's not something that I have talked about in the past. And I'm also going to have my husband Come on. And we're going to talk about kind of our choice on why we chose to kind of be really on traditional, when we first got married, decided, instead of having kids right away, let's open our home to differently abled individuals, and why we've kind of chosen to stay kind of on that course over the last one on six years of doing this. So anyhow, anyway, that's that's kind of some changes coming forward, you're really gonna get to know me a little bit better, and get to hear from my husband, which is going to be interesting, interesting experience to have him on. But yeah, I'm excited to really share a little bit more about, you know, me, what kind of makes me tick, the joy I get from doing what I do. And, you know, and helping those of you that are really ready to take this journey and and start the healing process for real. So with that, I'm going to end the podcast on that note. And I hope that you do the work that you really start doing the work that you really sit down. And you think about those two questions that I asked and realize that you have to stop coping, it's time to start cleaning up those wounds, so that you could be the best version of yourself. So I hope you all have an amazing day, and I will talk to you on the next episode. Thanks. Thank you for listening to another episode of it might be you. Please tune in each Thursday for new releases. And make sure to subscribe, share and review. If you enjoyed this episode. You can find me on Instagram at Pier thinker Inc. and as always remember to allow yourself the space for grace and give yourself the gift of self forgiveness.