Navigating feedback can be daunting. In this episode, we dive into the skills of asking for and receiving feedback with intention and grace. Learn the art of crafting your asks to elicit constructive insights and how to gracefully accept the advice given, filter through biases, and grow from the experience. Whether it's refining your creative process or enhancing your professional journey, we share actionable tips on making feedback work for you.
Listen now to learn the strategies that will help you embrace feedback not as criticism, but as a valuable tool for personal and professional growth.
Perfect for creators, innovators, and anyone looking to level up their feedback game. And stay tuned for the upcoming episode on giving feedback!
Good Business is hosted by Illana Burk, CEO of Your Life's Workshop llc and strategic coach to entrepreneurs, creative leaders, and industry disruptors the world over.
Navigating feedback can be daunting. In this episode, we dive into the skills of asking for and receiving feedback with intention and grace. Learn the art of crafting your asks to elicit constructive insights and how to gracefully accept the advice given, filter through biases, and grow from the experience. Whether it's refining your creative process or enhancing your professional journey, we share actionable tips on making feedback work for you.
Listen now to learn the strategies that will help you embrace feedback not as criticism, but as a valuable tool for personal and professional growth.
Perfect for creators, innovators, and anyone looking to level up their feedback game. And stay tuned for the upcoming episode on giving feedback!
Good Business is hosted by Illana Burk, CEO of Your Life's Workshop llc and strategic coach to entrepreneurs, creative leaders, and industry disruptors the world over.
Welcome back, everyone. Today's topic is one that is near and dear to me, mostly because it's a frequent topic of like, oh my god, why can't people get out of their own way type conversations that I have at dinner with my husband and I. So this comes up a lot. Today we are talking about how to ask for and take feedback, and on the next episode we're going to talk about how to give it. Feedback is like one of those topics that everybody thinks they fully understand and are excellent at, and very few people actually do it really well on either side of the conversation, getting or giving, right? And the internet has just completely fucked the whole process. People ask for feedback as a way of marketing themselves. I mean, people give abusive feedback just because they're lonely and miserable. And existing biases towards negative critique has been turned up to absolutely 11 by the perpetual Prevalence of five star rating systems and I are total and utter like reliance like religion level reliance on them. I mean Can you like remember when we used to be human beings who were capable of buying a toaster without asking 25 total strangers what they thought of 14 toasters before we bought the toaster only to come back and Tell a bunch more total strangers why I said Toaster wasn't all that great. Remember those times? Yeah. Me neither. I joke, like, I wish I was not one of these people that could not stop reading these fucking reviews, but I do, and for some reason that still influences my buying decisions. That is one form of feedback, and because we're doing it all the time, we all think we understand how to do it. Uh, and we don't. I mean, just ask, you know, Lisa47435 from Sheboygan, who leaves a review that says, I haven't used it yet, but it looks good out of the package. There are so many people who think that's actual useful feedback. This is something that people need to get better at, right? Just at a base level. So, because feedback is like, it's everything, right? It's what challenges us to grow and be better and be different than we are. And especially when we think about creative outputs, it's, it really is everything. So asking for it and receiving it is an absolute art. It is not an algorithm or a rating system, and not everyone is well suited to give it. So, learning how and who to ask for, it is, it's just as important as learning to take it well. So, we're going to go through all the parts of how to ask for and take feedback. First, we're going to talk about how to ask for it like a pro, and there's five parts in this bit, and I'm going to go through each one piece by piece. Part one is be discerning in where and who you ask. Be sure that the people that you're asking are capable of evaluating your request and the context around it. That means ask the right people the right questions, right? Don't ask Joe Schmo from Nowheresville, like, where you should move because you like Sun, right? Understand where your request is landing and who specifically you're asking it of instead of just taking the shotgun approach of like, I will just ask all the people and then I will make big life decisions based on their answers. So part two is be specific. Explain everything someone needs to know to actually give you a thoughtful and relevant answer. That means you add a little backstory, a little bit about your goals, a little bit about your resources, and a clear request of the type of feedback that you want and the types of feedback that you don't want. And that last bit is really important. Telling people, that I am asking for this and not that. This and not that is absolutely just as important. Otherwise you are not just getting advice or input that's not useful to you. You're also wasting people's time by, asking for something and then investing time and energy and giving something back to you that you didn't want and don't need. So you have to be really cognizant of being respectful of being and of being discerning in exactly what you're asking for and what you're not. Part three is if your request is in writing on the internet, break up the text, for the love of God, break up the text so people can and will actually read it. A mile long story of words is really hard on the eyes and will people, will make people way less likely to answer what you're actually asking. Because when people see more than three or four sentences stacked together in a paragraph on the internet, they jump to the last line. And they will, their brains, they don't even do it on purpose. This is just like a psychological thing. Like we're moving so fast that we read the first couple of lines and then we read the last couple of lines. So if that first couple of lines is, You guys, I have a really big request. And the last line is, And I really don't know what to do. They might fill in a few words in the middle, and they'll think that they got it, and then they'll answer whatever they think you were asking, and not what you were actually asking. So this is, format is actually really, really important. It's a way of showing consideration for the people that are gonna offer you advice, and also it's a way of breaking up your thoughts, and being thoughtful about how you are asking, and like really taking the time to lay it out, so that it's a reciprocal exchange. So part four is State your attachment level or biases to what you're talking about. If you love the idea, but you are testing it for validity, name that. Explain it. Let people know how much work you've already invested and how emotionally attached you are or aren't to it, right? Tell people if you're feeling tender about something. Tell people that you've worked on it for a year and you're really, you're finally ready to show it off. Or, hey, I just had an idea. I've worked on it for five minutes and I'm sort of just seeing what people think of it, those are two very different things and you'll get two very different responses. You know, if you tell people that you are sensitive, most often people will soften the blow, right? Like for me, I'm somebody who doesn't, I don't need a soft blow when it comes to feedback. Just tell me the thing I'd in fact rather have you just cut to the chase than give me all the like, it's not you, you're wonderful, it's great, this is just my opinion. I don't want any of that. I just want you to tell me if. Like what, how it works for you or not and why. Right. But a lot of people are not that way. I'm only that way because I had to get so much feedback in grad school. It like beat the candy coating out of me, but, or the need for candy coating out of me. But most people are not that way. Most people have a lot of attachment to their stuff. So it's important to be, honest about how sensitive you feel about the feedback that you're getting. Okay, now those are the five parts of how to ask for good feedback. Now there's lots more to it, right? But that's the kind of baseline of like how to think about and structure what you're asking for and start to hone that as a skill. Now, how to take feedback. So, now let's say people have actually given it. Part one is understand the biases. And make sure that the people offering it are relevant to your request. And this kind of dovetails on part one of how to ask for it, of asking the right people, being discerning about who and how you're asking. So for example, your spouse might be absolutely lovely and supportive, but they may have no fucking clue how to evaluate your website from the perspective of a potential client. Right? They're not in on all the gold conversations. They're not, they're not looking at it from, you know, let's say your spouse is a construction worker and your target market is people who buy fine jewelry. Probably not gonna have the best opinion because they're not schooled and practiced at being able to put themselves in somebody else's shoes in that way. And you shouldn't expect them to be. They're going to look at your work. from their perspective of what, of how they think it is best representing you. That doesn't take into consideration your goals, your wants, your dreams, your aspirations, your, you know, what you're trying to grow into, right? So they may be well meaning, but can offer you really, really confusing feedback. So make sure that when you're asking for things, it's from a relevant audience. Likewise, let's say you're an amateur photographer and you just asked for feedback on what camera you should buy in a camera forum on Reddit or something, right? A professional photographer of 30 years who has used the same equipment since 1995 might have absolutely zero realistic perspective on what the right camera for a beginner in today's market actually might be. Right? That's one of the reasons why the previous steps are so important, is like, you have to be clear about what you're asking for and who you're asking it of. Ignoring someone's feedback because their perspective is irrelevant to your request is not being defensive or stubborn or resistant. They'll tell you that it is, but it's not. It's being discerning and clear in what you need. Now the flip side is also true. If they are the perfect person to ask and they're telling you everything is wrong, you have to listen. If you don't, then you're being defensive and stubborn, right? So you have to like, if you've done it right and you've done it all the right ways and you're still getting negative feedback, that's when you gotta listen. It sucks and it stings, but that's what you gotta do, right? So part two is do your best to separate the person you are from the request you're making. This is especially hard when it comes to creative or personal work or those of us who are solopreneurs. Our work is us, right? It feels synonymous. It feels so connected. We pour our heart and soul into what we do. It matters so deeply. So it's very hard not to take it personally when you get, constructive, negative, or critical feedback, right? Asking for feedback on something that you work on. That can feel like just a crushing, honestly. But you have to remember that this, that it is a mark of strength to be able to recognize when you still have more to learn and more work to do. When you look at people who are more experienced, they are practiced, At taking feedback, they know how to discern helpful feedback from unhelpful feedback. And that's the skill that we're talking about. This is not just about feedback. This is about helping you level up into being a more emotionally relevant and mature business owner, because a lot of us just don't know how to do this very well. And it's not Your fault, right? Nobody teaches you how to do this. You know, those, uh, a few of us might have had a class in college somewhere along the way where they really talked to you through this stuff, but it's not a given, you know, we don't just naturally know how to do this well. So learning now will help you become a stronger business owner because you'll be able to look at your own stuff through the eyes of other people when you can separate yourself from it. So you'll need feedback less because you'll be able to be more objective and discerning about your stuff all by yourself. So part three is do everything in your power to answer your own questions, create your own best work, and do your own research before asking anyone for their thoughts on anything. Outsourcing critical thinking and research time and calling it a feedback request is just selfish and shitty and is filling up the internet with garbage and making humanity seem really obtuse. I mean, how many times have you seen feedback requests, I put that in air quotes that you can't see right now, that are actually just, um, can someone please Google this for me? Like the time it takes to Google the answer to something takes less time than it took them to write the post asking for help, you know, it's, um, and I don't fully understand the psychology of why people do this, but there's like, there's definitely a particular subset of humanity that's just like, please rescue me, do it for me, help me. And I doubt that most of you listening are going to be in that category, but. The more the deeper piece of this of figuring out how to do your very best work before you ask for feedback, that's more the vein of this that I think is more relevant to my listeners, to all of you, because sometimes we ask for feedback way before we're ready to get it, or way before something is really the best that it can be. Where we're not putting our best foot forward. We're trying to test a concept way before that concept is fully baked. And we don't even really have our arms around it. Personally, this is where I'm guilty. Where I fall down, that's it. Like, I'm like, hey people, what do you think of this idea? And I get people really excited about something and then I lose interest. That might be the ADHD talking, but it totally happens. This is the one where I, that I work on in myself, of okay, I'm waiting until I put my very best foot forward so that I am getting really relevant help on something that I have done my, I've taken my best crack at. So the feedback that I get will help me make it even better. It'll help me grow into something that I had, I couldn't get to on my own. So part four is be gracious and grateful when people offer their time and energy to your request. Engage with them. Say more than thanks, even if you disagree with them. Ask relevant follow up questions. Circle back. Finish the story with what you did with their feedback, especially in open forum spaces. Remember that your exchanges have longevity. You have a responsibility as the person who started that conversation to leave helpful breadcrumbs for future Googlers. Most of us don't think of it that way, right? We ask something and it's just, we assume it just like burns into the ether. But this is especially true on Reddit and more searchable platforms like that, where when you're Googling and looking for an answer to something, those results come up years later. We've all experienced that, we're looking at the dates on things, but sometimes that stuff's still relevant. And there's nothing worse than getting half a story. You're like really into something and you're like, wow, this is really great advice. This is so cool. I wonder if they took it. Crickets. There's, and there's no finish. It's a book that you never get the ending to. It's awful. And it feels, frankly, it feels disrespectful to the time that people invested and spent on your, on helping you. So take the time to circle back. It's meaningful and it's not pointless. It really does. Help the conversation overall, in my opinion. So that is all the parts. So overall, when you ask for feedback, try to see yourself in the context of your request as you, as much as you can. That means asking yourself how your work looks and compares to the work of others in the market. It means actually hearing people when many are saying the same things. We all have blind spots. Feedback gathering, when well done, should help to illuminate those blind spots. But you have to go in knowing that they're there. You can't ask for feedback thinking you don't have any. If you start off by saying things like, I've done everything right and nothing is working, you're never going to get helpful feedback because you've shut down before you have even started hearing it. It happens I get that all the time in my business as a business coach. I get the, um, you know, or I see these in forums a lot, uh, especially from newer business owners. I've put so much work in, I've done so many things, I've tried everything and nobody's buying my stuff and I can look at it and go, Well, your photography is garbage. I can't read your navigation bar. Your text is too small. Everything looks DIY ed, which makes me think you just don't know what you're doing. Your products are all over the place. Like all of those things are adding up to a confusing experience for a customer. If I take the time to say all of those things to somebody who says I'm doing everything right, I don't know what's wrong. It's just humanity that won't buy my stuff or pay attention to me. I 100 percent of the time am wasting my energy by offering my expertise. Because they will just snap back with all of the reasons why I'm wrong. And it's actually just that they're invisible to the internet, apparently, right? Or they were using it as a sideways way to get promotion, you know, to get more people's eyes on their stuff, which is a terrible, terrible strategy. So don't ever do that. It's not a good strategy at all. But when somebody says, I have put in a mountain of work and I'm feeling really depleted and I am clearly missing some major stuff and I'm so close to it. I'm not sure what I'm missing. Can somebody help me with my blind spots? I will absolutely invest the time and energy in bullet pointing carefully and gently exactly what I see so that they can understand how to improve in a step by step way. But that is so rare. Be the rare ones and you'll get free advice from experienced people. Be the rare ones who do it carefully and give me all the information I need, and then I will offer it freely. So plant your feet, do the hard things, and recognize that we all have room to grow. That is it for me today, everybody. And like I said, our next episode will be all about giving feedback like a rock star, because people suck at that too. So, we're gonna teach that coming up next. Alright everyone, have a really wonderful spring and I will see you in a couple weeks. Bye.