A Very New Me: Self-Acceptance through IFS, Reiki, and Shamanism

Coming out later in life can feel like the moment everything finally makes sense, until you realize freedom also brings you face-to-face with the pain you’ve been carrying for decades. I’m joined by Peter Kahn, a Reiki practitioner, reclaiming witch, and Soul Rising graduate, for a candid conversation about growing up bullied, hiding a trans identity for survival, and what it’s like to finally say “I’m not just an ally, I’m a member” out loud.

We dig into Internal Family Systems (IFS) parts work and why “there are no bad parts” is more than a nice idea. Peter shares how shifting from fixing himself to holding space for himself softened defensiveness, changed his relationship with work, and made self-worth feel less like homework and more like coming home. We also talk nervous system regulation in everyday life, including how to notice your warning lights before you explode, and why curiosity beats post-mortem analysis every time.

The conversation widens into culture and community: microaggressions, othering, and the responsibility of people who still “code” as the dominant group to show up as real allies. We explore the practice of calling people in instead of calling people out, without giving anyone a pass for harm. Then we bring it back to spiritual healing, with Reiki, shamanism, journeying, guides, power animals, earthing, animism, and the relief of feeling connected to something larger than the isolated self.

If you’re navigating gender identity, rebuilding self-esteem, healing trauma, or searching for grounded spiritual tools that work in real life, this one is for you. Subscribe, share with someone who needs to hear “you’re not broken,” and leave a review so more listeners can find Wisdom Rising.

Connect with Peter here: https://bsky.app/profile/citizenkahn.bsky.social

Books mentioned: 

• The Others Within Us by Robert Falconer
• The Flowering Wand: Rewilding the Sacred Masculine by Sophie Strand

Join Christine Renee for She Who Rises: https://moonrisinginstitute.circle.so/c/she-who-rises/

And Learn more about Soul Rising, next cohort starts September 2026: https://moonrisinginstitute.com/soul-rising/

Moon Rising Shamanic Institute Links:
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Subscribe to the Newsletter: https://moonrisinginstitute.kit.com/spiritguide

Book a session with Christine: https://calendly.com/christinerenee/90-minutes-intensive

Book a FREE 10 minute connect call with Christine: https://calendly.com/christinerenee/10-minute-connect-call-srpt

Transcript

Welcome And Guest Introduction

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to Wisdom Rising, the podcast of Moonrising Shamanic Institute. Join shamanic Reiki practitioners Christine Rene and Chantel Ochoa as we dance between worlds of shamanism, mysticism, and energy healing. Each week we illuminate your path to self-sourced wisdom and attune you to the whispers of wisdom rising from within. Welcome back to Wisdom Rising. I'm your host, Christine Renee, and today I'm joined with Peter Kahn, who I'm super excited to have with us. Um, they are a Reiki practitioner, a reclaiming witch, a curious nerd, and a soul rising graduate. I'm so glad to have you on because I love your story. When I heard that you were like, my life has kind of been rebirthed in a new way. I'm reclaiming new, my new shape, my new form, my new identity. I was really resonant with the expanded energy that you were like bringing forward. Like you could feel it and through your text, through your messaging. And I was just like, I want to have you on the podcast because I want to hear the whole thing. I want to hear the details of the story rather than four or five paragraphs. I'm really excited to have you on today, Peter. Thanks for being here.

Hiding Identity And Losing Self-Worth

SPEAKER_01 1:21

Oh, great. Thanks, Christine. It's awesome to be here. Yeah. Um, you know, I've sort of had a perfect storm. Uh, when I was a kid, I was bullied a lot. And I figured out I was trans, uh, between 10 and 12, and also figured out I'd better hide it because it will destroy me. Um, and you know, thought of myself as a freak and a whole bunch of negative things. Um, I married, I met my wife in my late 20s. We got married. She was loving the whole me and didn't think I was a freak, just thought that's an aspect of me. Um, I didn't crack my transgender egg until 2021 when I was like 54. Um, and I thought, haha, now I will be happy because I get to be myself. And it didn't play out that well. Uh, it got kind of rough. I was still like identifying myself with my job and not being enough, and trying to figure out like, how the hell does somebody think that they're worthy in the first place? Um, and uh yeah, a little bit of suicidal ideation. I got into some therapy. Uh, my therapist finally moved to internal family systems where you break up the psyche into little chunks, parts, and there's no bad part, there are misunderstood parts, and so you start talking with them. And I was doing that, and then soul rising hit. And, you know, when you start talking about shamanism and journeying, you're dealing with sort of parts that aren't me. And I did some reading about the idea and like enlightenment we come up with the citadel self. So your mind is, you know, hard walls, and shamanism and all the earlier earth-based approaches are kind of like, nah, no, no, no. There's this fluid stuff, and there's some stuff that isn't me that is interacting, and all this kind of came together. And one day I I realized um I don't have to work at self-worth. I'm not doing homework. It's like slipping into a hot bath, you know. And when I recognized that I had self-worth, I I then recognized that I'm I'm actually a gift as opposed to a problem. Uh, I'm I'm enough and I'm not too much. It doesn't mean that I'm perfect. I still can be a crusty jerk, but uh, you know, it's um it's it's it's really great. And like I'm at work and people are challenging me, and I'm not getting defensive because I'm not my job. I wrote a design. They were like, look at all these holes and gaps. I'm like, oh, okay. I wish I didn't have holes and gaps, but let's fix them. Um, you know, so whereas even four years ago, I would have been, you know, going shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, shit, and scurrying and um uh trying to make sure that I fixed everything and oh my god, this document is me. It's not me.

SPEAKER_00 4:22

Um, you know, I love that this is a beautiful summary of all of the different avenues I really want to explore deeper because that really was it. Like, I love the way you broke that up and like really gave me a summary of all these different ways you have personally and spiritually developed over the last handful of years, but that the story began at the very beginning as a child, and that so many of us have the bullying experiences, the shameful experiences, the things that kind of set us up to shrink us down and make us feel small. And then we spend so much of our adulthood trying to reclaim aspects of ourselves or loving the parts of ourselves. And I'm I love that you brought up the internal family systems with your therapist because I've been thinking about this a lot. Like I love IFS and I feel like it's something that um if people don't know about it, they shouldn't know about it. Right, right. Like it's there's so many of these new pieces that are coming forward. IFS, the somatic healing, the really understanding how that I am already whole. There's nothing that needs to be fixed. It's more about self-acceptance of all of my all of my parts and really understanding what's mine and what's external. And so you you definitely hit on a lot of those pieces, a lot of those flavors. And so I'm curious if you want to give us a more deeper snapshot of where, when, how did you decide like to come out as trans? Like, and what was can you give me a uh a snapshot of what that time period looked like and then the steps of like because it really was more of like a reclaim a reclaiming of who you are, right?

Coming Out During COVID And Rebuilding Identity

SPEAKER_01 6:18

Right, sure. So um, you know, uh I wish I had had the courage to come out when my parents were alive. Um, you know, after my mom passed, I think that that was is um I didn't have to trust that it would be okay. Um now uh so that's a key thing. She passed in 2018 or 2019. Um but you know, so I had started like altering um my dress and that sort of stuff, but I hadn't really come out. Um uh what what had happened was I don't know if I was coloring my hair yet. I don't think I was, but I started painting my nails and I was in a uh affinity group in uh for for uh LGTBQ folks as an ally, and so we're planning on Zoom some kind of event, and you know, I was like, you know, my nails are painting all that. I'm like, oh, by the way, um I'm not just an ally, I'm a member, and that felt so powerful and affirming. I mean, there was also a sense, you know, this is 2021, COVID is still raging. Um, we've had Trump, Trump won. And I was kind of like, there's no way in hell I'm gonna die without being me. So, you know, if this stupid disease gets me or something else happens, I'm going to be me. I'm gonna live as me during this. Um, you know, and I I went a little overboard, like everyone who cracks their egg does. It was like all trans all the time. This is the the only aspect of my identity. Um, you know, and it took me like three years and some deep conversations with my wife to, you know, understand yes, I'm trans, but I'm a grandfather, I'm a father, I'm you know, a worker, I'm a Jew, I'm a bit of an anarchist, I'm a this, some of that, I'm a you know, so it's like there is no all the identities are this overlapped, really messy Venn diagram, as opposed to I'm this one thing. And so that that was sort of helpful. Um, and the challenges in our relationship as we worked through me being out and uh also I got a really interesting view of bigotry. Um, you know, as as white looking and male, um I really I understood that there was a thing, but I really didn't understand it. I said things like, Well, how bad can microaggressions be? And then I I faced them, or I faced othering, and I was like, Oh, oh, I was really wrong. I did not understand. I mean, I read the books, um, but I didn't understand the visceral impact and the the the load of constantly wondering, is this just someone being rude or is this fuckery? Um and I I get now that I will never understand uh uh indigenous people of color, black people, their experience. I want to understand your experience as a woman, um, but I can try and I can be open. And when you tell me things, I can listen and I can believe. Um and uh that's really powerful. I mean, also I get to understand um my internalized racism, ableism, misogyny, because I'm an old man who grew up in our lovely little society, so I have them. And sometimes they color my views and my actions, and I don't see them. So I'm continually working at sort of trying to unlearn that crap and get back to a place where I understand how to support other people, how to hold space for them, and how to be in the world aligned with my values. Um, you know, so um I really appreciate that, you know.

SPEAKER_00 10:27

Like I think that's something that we need to hear more of all over the place. Of like I I grew up as a white middle class person, and I'm born into a culture that is inherently racist, and I'm gonna and I'm not going to be able to identify and see things because I'm not on the other side of the table. I don't live in um a body that is what has brown skin. I don't I'm perfectly abled and can do things, right? So that that whole idea of like you change your identity and now are getting a dose of these microaggressions and this behavior from the culture, like I want to almost put it as like the culture is right, and recognizing wow, I was really I didn't understand the depth of which this is happening all over, all the time. And if this is just this the the sliver that I'm getting, how how is it affecting all these other minority groups?

SPEAKER_01 11:38

Right. And and because each because the dominant group is white and male, and I still code as that, that means I I view that I have a responsibility to really help to be to be an ally, to be a collaborator, because you know the 19th Amendment didn't pass just because of what women did, because they couldn't vote for it. The people who could vote for it were all male. So each one of these groups needs people who code as the group in the in the higher up in the in the hierarchy, and hierarchies are bad, but we have one. So we need more allies, we need more collaborators, otherwise, we're not gonna move forward. And so I, you know, uh when when I when I am asked about transgender stuff, and people are like, I don't know if I can ask this, you know. I'm like, you can ask me anything, and I'm not gonna ding you for it. If you are deliberately a prick, ooh, I'll ding you for that. But you know, if you screw up, I'm fine with that. And and the other thing I'll say is, you know, my transgender experience is not anybody else's, right? I I I have no real medical transition. I'm coming from assigned male at birth, I'm not coming from assigned female at birth. Uh, I'm not calling myself a trans woman. Um, you know, I'm sort of non non-binary or gender fluid. Um, so I don't necessarily understand their experience, but I can give people resources, I can explain some of the nuances, you know, uh, so that they're more likely to be able to engage with others. I mean, if we just have the conversations, if we have the courage to have the conversations and call people in, as opposed to calling people out and to um uh own when we've screwed up, you know, not the sorry, but thank you. I will do better, or you know, and uh then I think we have a chance at building a real loving community.

SPEAKER_00 13:45

Um I love that piece of calling people in instead of calling people out. Like I haven't heard that phrase before, and it is such a pivot, right? Right, that's such a pivot into I I hear you and I I see where you're coming from. Can you hear me where I'm coming from? And can we can you come into the conversation rather than continue separation?

SPEAKER_01 14:10

Right, right. The Lewis Way Raven Wallace wrote this book, Radical Unlearning, and I'm in the middle of it, and it's a beautiful book. Um, and it talks about this uh a lot because you know, so often we say they must unlearn, but I don't have to. And it's like, no, no, no. We all thought he's got something. Um, and if using shame doesn't work, uh, I everybody's throwing a lot of shame at uh Trump, and he's never going to uh change. And if we treat every single MAGA person as an outcast, um there's still a lot of them. We're stuck in a boat with them, which means I'm not saying we give people a pass for racism or any of that, but you know, we have to engage, and I know it's hard, and I'm not saying people who are injured should engage, but I should you know, I shouldn't just cast people off, which I really desperately want to do. Want to say, I don't want to deal with you, you are out of my life, but um that doesn't help, it doesn't help me, it doesn't help them, it doesn't help the broader cause. So I have to do the hard thing that I really don't want to do, which is try to figure out so how did you get there? How did you come up with that way of seeing? Why is that person evil to you? And what is your experience? And to then try to understand and build something together, that's the only way I'm gonna shift someone. Um, and there have been a couple people who have been like right-wing white nationalist poster boys or um uh radical Christian identity people who have switched because people have done that. It wasn't quick, it wasn't easy, but the fact that they did it means it's better for our side because we have advocates who understand and are trying to pull more people out of that stuff. So, you know, it seems important.

SPEAKER_00 16:21

Well, I want to talk a little bit about like our internal self-worth, our internal energy fields, and how this really relates to this external reality of when you have separation inside when you deny different parts of yourself, right? Then externally we're doing the same and we're mirroring that in our realities. And so I want to know more about your journey of this internal self-love journey that you went on to get to this point of now. I can I I I know who I am, I know where my struggles are, where my self-love is, where my like I can hold myself in such an esteem of like I can handle this type of conversation without tapping into overt anger or rage or sadness or shame or whatever emotions arise. So tell me a little bit more about the interpersonal journey that you were on to bringing to this place.

SPEAKER_01 17:19

Sure. So, you know, if we roll back to when I'm like 10 or or 11, uh, I've got an alcoholic father uh who is a happy drunk. So he's mostly easy, but he's a big guy and he's a little scary, and he gets angry and crusty and yells. Um uh everyone in my in my household is, since I'm from Boston, wicked smart. And um I am not. Um, you know, I've got some ADHD that I don't know until many decades, and so you know, I'm kind of struggling. How do I keep up? So this is creating like all this not enough energy, and keep my damn head down, try to be invisible, and it also spawns some very high reactivity. So I'm a very easy target for bullies, and they figure this out very quickly, and you know, I I lose it, I cry, and uh at the bottom of every pile of kids beating on each other is me. Um, and at a certain point, I learned that if I clamp down on all of my emotions and deny them and deny my needs, I can keep it together and I can win in a fight with a bully, and then they will never screw with me again. So um I learned that at I don't know, 12 or 13, and I'm like, this is how I'm gonna be forever. So there are a lot of problems with that, right? Um, if I'm denying my emotions and needs, they're coming out sideways like leech eight running off of a waste dump. Um, and also I'm really defensive. So when I get challenged, either wrongly or rightly, because I've screwed up, I am adding aggression and I'm not gonna hear holding space. Nope. And I'm not gonna hold space for me either, because these little parts are constantly popping up, and I'm playing whack-a-mole, trying to knock them down or put them in a cell. Um, so it's not until like the last 10 10 years that I really start to get a handle on this, um, because I've got a war going on inside, and my self-talk is I would not want to say this to anyone ever. Um well, there's some I would, but uh I I'm starting to like take individual parts, take like stop saying to my 10-year-old, 12-year-old, 16-year-old self, you screwed me, you came up with a strategy, it sucks, and now uh uh my entire life is a mess because of you, and say, you know, you did the best you could. And that and that worked then, but it doesn't have to work now. I need you to see who I am, and I need to see who you are. There's this core self that if you come on in, you can hang out by it. I'm not gonna try to fix you. And this is really hard because I also want to fix everybody else, and it's like that's not holding space. In order to hold space, I need to sit there and to a certain extent do nothing. Uh, and I didn't figure that out until um my my wife's sister uh went from being healthy to having like stage four multi-organ cancer like that. And she spent the last like month of her life in our our our house, and it was hard. Uh, and since she was on heavy pain meds, and heavy pain meds tend to make people difficult. Um, there there were some points where there were real conflicts, and I had to be there for for my wife, but there was nothing I could do to fix. I can't fix Elise, I can't fix Bina. I just had to sit there and be there, and it's damn hard. But it was like the first time I've really held space without trying to alter other people so I feel more comfortable. I was like, this is going to be very uncomfortable because it is talking about death, and death is not it's not pleasant, and also we're talking about sister to sister relationships over like 60 plus years, so there are issues because they're people, so you know, just being there and not trying to to to to fix was really hard and Important. And when I carry that inward, it's like I'm not fixing the part of me that has problems with authority or the part of me that was abused at camp or whatever, uh abused as and bullied. Um but uh it's it's about being with it, hearing it, and uh just just sitting it. And and if that part wants to release its burden to the earth, great. If it doesn't, uh okay, you know, if it if it wants a new role, good for it. If it doesn't, we're fine. We don't, and also patience to not say, I will solve all the problems right now, because that's not the way it works, right? Things have to percolate it.

SPEAKER_00 22:47

So yeah, I I love that. I just want to touch on a few points there of like death is such a great teacher because it forces you to slow down. Like there's nothing to do. You have to learn this patience and just be in the room. And um, I have attended um being bedside with dying people, but what it really resonates with me is the birth work I did for so many years. So I I've attended a hundred births, and this was that's the job, right? So it's you can't fix them. You're waiting for a natural process to occur. These are all natural childbirths primarily. And how do I just hold space for whatever emotion needs to come up and process and move out so that they can feel their the safety of what their body is doing, trust the process of what their body is doing. And so there's there, there was, I was um at a birth center training in Reiki at 22. Or 20, yeah, I was 20, we I was 20 years old. I was 20 years old. And so between you know, 20 and probably somewhere between 20 and 30, I've attended 100 births, and you learn this skill of just like, I'm just gonna sit with it. There's no fixing, there's observing, there's energetically supporting, but there's nothing to fix. And that's huge when you can learn that lesson however it comes to you, going just being present is enough. I am enough because I'm here. My presence allows this part of me to feel safer once, right? So you have this external learning how to hold space and the internal learning of how to hold space because there is this piece of ourselves that I think for years, like you can even if you go back to our original wisdom rising, which was Reiki Cafe Radio, there's there was an emphasis on healing. How do we fix this parts of ourselves? And you can tell through Wisdom Rising how there's been this shift, right? Right. Of what if we're all whole and we have these different aspects, and how do we just nourish and nurture and honor their story, their their whatever they're bringing forward, and going, you did a fantastic job creating a way for my nervous system to respond to the situation to help me survive whatever was going on. Well done. Right. And just like you said, and that isn't needed any longer. I now have the self-awareness and I can sit with that part of myself and say, what do you need now? What's going to support you now? And this inner child reparenting of going, is there an aspect of you that wants to mature? And if not, that's okay. We're just gonna sit here, we're gonna be here, we're gonna be fine.

Nervous System Signals And Real Curiosity

SPEAKER_01 25:45

Right, right. And and I'm I'm guessing like uh Bina talks about her her birth, where you know, she's uh she just describes herself as a control freak sometimes, but uh when she gave birth to to Alisa, she was like, Nothing tells you you're not in control like childbirth, because it is a process and you're going along with it. Um, you know, and and and it's important to understand that controlling everything isn't the goal, right? It's it's it's the desire, but um letting go and being okay, uh, you know, birth, death, major processes, you know, it's just going to uh flow. And yeah, there's um there's nothing to fix, right? It's it's about learning to be. So, you know, um uh I've got ADHD, and it's like, okay, I can focus on that as a problem, but what it really is it right, it's uh like greatest strength is greatest weakness. It's a superpower, it's a pain in the ass. And it's about learning how to work with it and give it space. Same thing with all the like somatic like upregulation and down regulation, you know, uh getting uh the vagus nerves sort of sort of going. Yeah, we can do some things, but it's about okay, first I have to understand where I'm at, and then I can intervene a little bit, but um it's about being comfortable with sometimes not being comfortable.

SPEAKER_00 27:20

Yeah, and I think there's there's so much area of self-awareness in this, of when you can recognize, okay, I'm in a hypo state, a hypo aroused state. Maybe I'm feeling a little stuck or frozen in it. And how what is this trying to tell me? I feel like when I get into either super hyper aroused or super hope like hopo hypo aroused, it's kind of like, what do I need to learn here? Because maybe this is a situation that isn't safe for my nervous system. It's trying to teach me something about me and also tell me where my growth edges are. So, whatever I'm in, if I'm deep in it, this was too much.

SPEAKER_01 28:05

Right, right.

SPEAKER_00 28:07

And if I truly love, honor, and respect myself, how can I take baby steps towards this without jumping in a deep end and drowning in it?

SPEAKER_01 28:18

Right, right. I I I can't force it. I need to be uh, or I have an opportunity to be curious. Yes, more curious I am, um the the better that that experience can can can be. Maybe I blow up, but I what I what what what I don't want to be do, and I've done in the in the past is I blow up and then like a day later, I'm like, so why did I blow up? Let's try and analyze it. And it's like it's too late, right? It's gone. So as I'm starting to uh go up the sort of roller roller coaster of the emotion before we go and we and all over the place, um I want to engage that curiosity, feel it in my body so that I can start to understand, you know, if this is a gauge, what is the yellow? What is the red? What are the indicators? And and what does all this mean? Um, so I can start to get underneath. Because for for for so long, you know, being being male means uh the one emotion I'm allowed to be is angry. So if I'm afraid or sad, uh we're gonna pile that that down and just have rage and you know, punch a wall, break a filing cabinet, etc. Um, and you know, it's like so I condense myself into this one-dimensional view so I don't have to look at all that stuff. And it's like being curious and actually opening the box and looking is yeah, it's been better for me.

SPEAKER_00 29:51

Um, yeah, it's it's interesting. Like, um, I'm so glad you had the opportunity to open the box yourself and be like, oh, I'm curious about what's in here, and what are those things that felt supportive so that you could get curious inside of the box?

SPEAKER_01 30:09

Right. Yeah, well, you you know, it's like one of the things I started doing in 2002 was uh I did some men's work, it was shadow work, uh, you know, it was pretty pretty much trying to understand all of this sort of phases of the inner child so that my history stops driving me. You know, it's a bunch of guys and I in in like my basement or a church basement going through it. I always said it was like AA without the alcohol addiction. Um, and uh, you know, I got a lot out of that through doing my own work and facilitating others. And one of the sorts, some of the basic kind of approaches in facilitation is ask open-ended questions. Try and stay away from why, because it can be shaming. Um, and I as a facilitator, I may get a uh hit, but if it doesn't resonate with the guy, it's his story, it's his journey, it's not about me. So I have to be careful about my projection. So when I take that inward, um, you know, a part kind of locks up, or I start get getting energized. I can create a story. I can create a whole bunch of stories about that that make me feel good, or I can run away with something, but I can also like notice that and say, huh, okay. I I don't need to imagine myself as a superhero now to try and feel powerful in a moment where I don't. I can like start to just sit and not try to not interrogate a part, you know, turn on the light and say, Why are you the way you are? And and actually just say, Okay, you know, say what you want to say. I'm listening. Um, and that's really powerful. It feels like I'm not working, um, which is true. I'm being, and you know, maybe this is like a core aspect of our society, right? From the ancient Greeks and the Romans and all that, it's all about do-do do, versus a whole bunch of indigenous uh cultures are like, no, you know, like in uh braiding sweetgrass when she's like the lake is being a lake, it's laking, so I'm petering, and um, you know, then I I don't have to act, I can just be and be with it and let it flow over me and feel the feelings in my body as opposed to trying to ignore them.

SPEAKER_00 32:36

I love that, I love that. Just um, I love even putting the ing on the end of it. Peter is Petering, Christine is Christine, like because I think that's so true because it then it helps us come to a point of accepting all of ourselves. So, like if I'm in a real high anxious state, which I can be, of coming to it as I'm this is just an aspect of me. I'm just christining right now, just as much as calm Christine comes out when I'm facilitating, or the mom Christine comes out when I'm parenting, or whatever it may be. Like there's this, I love the language of it of going, none of my parts are are need to be shamed as part of who I am. All of the emotions are valid. And at some point, we can get curious about what those are and why they're arising in this moment, and how do we need to communicate and co-regulate and all of the things?

SPEAKER_01 33:29

Right. Yeah. So, like one one one example is forever. Uh, TSA lines have made me um nutty. Um, and and and the reason isn't I'm I'm fearful of what they're gonna find or how they're gonna pat me down or whatever, and especially once I became trans, they started patting me down much more intimately. Um, I I've always wanted wanted to say, hey buddy, next time buy me dinner first. But I figure making jokes with TSA is a bad idea. Um, so at any rate, I I would be like upset and anxious because we're gonna miss the flight, we're not gonna make make this line fast enough. And so, you know, my old strategy was okay, take that part and let's deny it. Let's pretend it isn't there, you know, stick my fingers in my ear, nah, nah. I'm not listening. Um, and uh I actually heard it and I was like, oh, okay, how can I work with you? How can I bring other parts of me online to help? And I I found out, you know, I can stick an earbud in, find some catchy tune, take the earbud out because they aren't big on having you go go through scanners with those things on. And now I have this little earworm kind of going in my head, and I I might even dance, which is uh something I never would have done in public. Uh, but you know, I'm just kind of like thinking of that song, and the line ceases to be as anxious for me. Yeah, uh, it's a better experience, and that means that when I get to the TSA people, I'm not a jerk to them, which is like super unwise and also unfair, right? It's a horrible job that probably doesn't pay well, uh, because they basically have to say the same thing over and over again all day, and nobody wants to deal with them. So, you know, I'm not saying that they're they're always wonderful people, but you know, I don't want to treat them poorly, I don't want to treat other people poorly, so I can go through this experience better. And maybe me being in a better mood, I interact with people around me as well in the line, and maybe I have an upward spiral effect. It's certainly better than me being pissed and having a downward spiral effect.

SPEAKER_00 35:48

So yeah, it's kind of like that, it it moves out into your auric field. People see you dancing, they're gonna be less intimidated by you or less fearful, or whatever it is. Oh, there's someone happy in the line. I can take a breath myself, you know. Like I think that's so true when we can recognize our own internal state, has it's that Venn diagram when it pushes up other people's auric fields.

Reiki And Shamanism Become Daily Tools

SPEAKER_01 36:14

Right, right. Because there there is a connection. I mean, we're not just cut off from each other. And you know, it it it definitely that whole co co-regulation thing, which could be an energetic sort of ethereal thing, it could be a mirror neuron thing. It really doesn't matter, right? But it's a thing. It's it's it's it's much like when when I practice Reiki, you know, uh there are there there are those who are like Reiki works exactly this way. And I'm like, I don't know how Reiki works, but I know it does because I've seen it. I've seen it when I've been on the table, I've seen it when I've had someone on a uh table, you know. So I I know it's a thing. And um, that's also really helped me let go of skepticism. Um, because sometimes skepticism is warranted, other times it's a weird defensive mechanism, you know, about like trying to make me feel important or um uh protect my beliefs. And if I kind of can let go of that, then again, I'm more connected to other people, to the environment. Um, you know, and uh it's it's just better for me and hopefully everybody else.

SPEAKER_00 37:27

So, Peter, since you brought up Reiki, I would really be curious where does Reiki and shamanism fit in your story?

SPEAKER_01 37:35

Sure. Um, so uh I took a bunch of Reiki classes because my wife is a Reiki master and a teacher. So she needed a guinea pig and she needed someone to fill out classes sometimes. So I've been through all of them multiple times. Um, and you know, I I was like, Bina's a Reiki person, I'm not. It's all kind of woo-woo, and I probably don't believe it. Then we start going to Reiki conferences, and I'm like, well, if it's woo-woo, all these people are really nice. And so there's something about this, and then I started playing with it. I used Reiki GPS once when I had to get from point A to point B, and I couldn't turn on the real GPS because Bina was dealing with a client in the uh car, and I just like let the tingles guide me. I had been to this place once before, and when I turned the uh corner and there it is, I'm like, oh damn, this worked. Um so those kind of events make make me more of a believer. But um then I I did some reclaiming witchcraft stuff and I'd started like blending Reiki with that, and it it was um, I did a uh Reiki healing, I did a one-day Reiki class with Izzy, who used to be a part of this uh group, and then uh I fell asleep during the our little journey, and I was really pissed. I always fall asleep during this kind of thing. So I I had a healing with her, and it was the most profound healing I had ever had. You know, she did uh soul, soul retrieval and cord cutting, and it felt amazing. Oh, yeah, it was I I sobbed like a baby um on that floor for like 20 minutes and like got in touch with parts of myself that I I had lost. Um and uh so after that, I was like, okay, I'm all in. Uh and I signed up for for for Soul Rising, and I was pleasantly surprised that Bina was into it as well. And the thing I really liked about Soul Soul Rising was the blending of various techniques with core shamanism, so it made it like it it it uh greased the glide path, so it made it easy and accessible as we got into some things, you know, not ordinary reality is kind of out there, but it made it easier to to go out there, and um so the combination of Reiki and guides and power animals, like really being a part of my day-to-day existence, means that I I have all these tools, I've had lots of tools, I've read shitloads of self-help books, and I put them in my little basket and never use them because I don't have time for that crap. I'm not worth using that, and it got to a point where you know, um the the that whole view sort of vanished. It was kind of like, well, these are my favorite tools, and you know, if I'm starting to get get anxious, I know that uh uh my dragon is there, I know that my um higher self is there for me, and I I can journey and interact with these and get a better sense, and it isn't like I get something concrete most of the uh times. This is what eroded these sort of walls and views that um I'm not enough. Um, and I don't quite know how it happened. It was sort of magical, because of course it's magical, it's shamanism. Um and uh, but it's just like it's it's it's a thing for me now. And it also enabled me. I did a rites of passage class, um, my second reclaiming witchcraft class. Um, and I didn't really consider myself a witch. Uh I had taken elements of magic like two years ago, and I loved the chants and little songs, they were fun. Um, but I felt silly. And it was in this class where it just went, oh no, I'm actually a witch. And I am bound to the to the earth. I am connected to it. Um, because um you and Chantel did that segment on earthing, you know, I'm walking around barefoot when I walk the dog. When I go, uh I'm like, shoes are optional outside. Um uh even when it's cold, and it's like because I want to be connected. Um, the other thing I noticed is uh if I'm wearing shoes and they're just like sandals, so they're not making a lot of noise, um, I will not surprise animals in my backyard. If I'm barefoot, uh many times I'm ready to dump stuff in our compost heap, and and the possum's like, uh, oh, um I'm busy now. Put that over there. Um, you know, so it's it's it's it's interesting, and there there's a an interesting connection. Um, but uh did I come close to answering that?

SPEAKER_00 42:46

Yes, I love it. I love it. It actually made me think of this type of what I feel like is a very shamanic, witchy meditation that I absolutely love called um it's it's a sit spot. You find a sit spot and you you walk to your sit spot every day, and usually very close to your house because and you do it in whatever weather for at least 10 minutes, and you just sit in the spot and you become one with nature. It's not a meditation where you're losing your thoughts, you just are one with nature. So you're feeling that earthed connection, and this is what happens the possum doesn't realize that you're a threat because you're in the energy of the earth. The deer shows up, the the squirrel comes out. You know, all of these things just happen before you because you're at one with the energy of the earth, and you're you have this neutral energy field now, right? And so it's kind of like this thing with the shoes, right? The shoes is a piece of plastic that makes the vibration on the earth different to perk all of those animals in that nature and wildlife. Go, who the fuck is that? And so I love that this is kind of like a core piece of who you are. Like I can be one in the earth's energy, and this is part of who I am and how I want to live my life.

SPEAKER_01 44:09

Right. And and and the you know, the aspect of shamanism uh tying into sort of animism where it's all alive. I can talk to to trees, I can talk to uh rocks, everything is alive. And and you know, maybe it ties into the the whole kind of gaya Gaia thing of the earth as an organism. And when you think about things like you know, the Paul Stamets, uh, mycelium networks and how they communicate between trees and everything thrives and how they're tied to us, uh, is like oh, you know, it it feels like I'm one of the blue people out of uh out of Avatar for to a certain extent, and that feels really damn good. And it also means the I, the me, is less I don't want to say important, but I'm less focused on it. So if um I'm dysregulated and I'm I'm worried about mortgages or jobs or whatever, it's like, well, I'm also one with the tree and I'm connected to the earth, and we're going to be okay. Um, you know, uh it it it may suck for me, um, but I'm going to be okay. Um, and uh I it allows me to let go so I I cling less.

SPEAKER_00 45:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:38

I'm connected to something much larger. Um, and and and I'm I'm not just connected, I'm a part of it.

SPEAKER_00 45:45

Right. Well, it's it always fascinates me speaking with soul rising graduates because we really hyper focus on the first four chakras, root through heart chakra. And then we hear stories like this where I'm connected with nature, I'm connected with all that is, and it's a very crown chakra statement, right? Like I feel like it's naturally occurring to energetically uh continue up the chakras when you do the lower work, the lower chakra work, right? Right. And I I feel like this has been a beautiful example of that, like really working with the inner child, really working with self-esteem and self-worth, really looking at the heart speed of like how am I connecting and interacting with my community and those outside of it? How am I showing up and speaking and being open and available to dialoguing with people who have different opinions than I do and being open-minded enough to step into those places and spaces and knowing that we all are actually part of this earth community and that there isn't this dress separation that the world is telling us that it actually exists, that it doesn't, that we're all actually earthlings on this earth connected and coming, coming home to this full fullness of who we are. I love it. It's just a such a beautiful example, right?

Boundaries, Partnership, And Final Wisdom

SPEAKER_01 47:07

Well, and you know, I uh prior to uh soul soul rising, I understood root chakra, I kind of understood heart, but sacral and solar plexus, I was like, well, I I I know they're a thing, and I saw people talk on them and I was like, ah, and then I totally forgot. But you know, the the visceral spending, what was it like four four weeks on sacral and solar plexus? I'm like, ah, okay. I I maybe I could not explain it now, but I feel it, you know, and and I and it also it seemed to clear like blockages in them. So the energy is flowing. So by the time we get to the uh heart, it's there's a lot of energy kind of bubbling up that's gonna just sort of go through the others. I mean, for a long time, um my throat chakra was really closed off, and I usually felt that where I would get triggered and my I would feel it like the place I felt in my body was my was my throat. And there was there was a lot of defensiveness on my part coming there, you know, and um I I would get uh when I allowed myself to actually experience emotions, um, the throat is where it hung out, and it it it it was very much you're not honoring my existence. You're not you're this is you know, you're not treating me as a partner, you're not doing this, you're not doing doing doing that. And that and that was where kind of the combination of disappointment, sadness, and and fight was. And um it's like as we did all the work or the and the the play, because it really did feel like like play, um, like that eased, and I got to to a point where where it's like I can have the the conversation about my relationships with other other people, and and if they're out of balance or they're in balance, and those conversations are not gonna be easy all the time, but I can set boundaries which are you know, this is how I'm gonna show up, this is what I'm going to do, uh, without like slam making the boundary, this wall that I slam down, which ends with uh, and screw you if you cross it, you know. Um, it's just like, no, this is who I am, this is where I'm at, and it's fine. Um, so that uh with without like sometimes the my my idea of a boundary was my my uh boundary is you do what I want, which is not really your boundary. No, no, you know, it it it it took a while to be like that's how I show up, that that's what I do. Um, you're gonna do what you're going to to do, and I can start to get curious about it. I mean, being married for the 26 years, um, you know, there are conflicts. Um, and I moved from, oh, I'm triggered, oh, I have to defend, to I'm triggered, let me feel this. And now you said this thing I didn't like. Let me try to figure out where you could have been coming from. So, as opposed to going on the attack or something, I can not ask questions like a lawyer trying to trip you up, but ask questions like a person who loves you trying to understand where you're coming from and why that's important. And I can also hear you when you say things to me. So now I understand, oh, this is your fear about losing me to, I don't know, a disease or violence or something. Okay, now I understand what's on the line for you. I don't have to defend against that. That's not what you you don't need someone saying, no, you don't get to set rules for me. But oh, you have some fear here. How do I support you? Because you know, uh partners supporting each other is a hell of a lot better than intransigent fighting, you know.

SPEAKER_00 51:22

Yes, um, I love that summary. I do. I think that's so um so key and important as we do this self-realization work of understanding where we come from, is then to extend that to others to go, where are you coming from? What are your desires, fears, and boundaries? And what where is that driving your behavior? And how can I meet you and say I see you, I understand you, I respect you. And where do the boundaries meet up? Right. And so I think that is uh I'm so happy, I'm so happy for you and Bina. I love seeing you guys together because it's been a journey.

SPEAKER_01 52:01

Oh, yeah. And uh, I mean, after soul so so rising, especially because we took it together, you know, it's our first couple, yeah. Well, so our our relationship is so much stronger. Uh, I mean, Bina's a force of nature, she's she's a from like age three or four till till till till now. Bina is this passionate, loving person who is moving through the uh world and knocking down obstacles and setting boundaries really well. And she was very powerful, and I um resented that at certain points in our in our relationship. Um, and I'm at a point where this is like the partnership I I never knew that could exist. Um, you know, we're we're we're loving, we're supporting each other. When we have disagreements, we're treating each other with kindness and understanding. And, you know, um sometimes I don't get what I want, and that's okay. Sometimes I'm flat out wrong. Um, you know, uh, but it's it's really, really good. I don't think either of us could screw this relationship up at this point. I think we'd have to work really hard to do so.

SPEAKER_00 53:21

I love that for you guys.

SPEAKER_01 53:23

There's like a level of security of that I've just never like really felt um uh in any other relationship. And it's just it's it's wonderful, it's delicious.

SPEAKER_00 53:37

Um, you know, so I'm so happy for you. And I feel like people need to hear that story too. This this idea that I've been in a relationship for a long time, and doing my inner work and my personal growth journey and sharing that with a partner can equate to we're both in a better relationship for one another. We both can continue to work together to to have growth for us, you know? And so, and I see a lot of people where they go on their spiritual journey and they're like, oh, and my partner is out and left field, and now I'm just gonna be done. Right. And I I definitely see you guys meeting each other's energy with curiosity and understanding and continuously moving forward together on the path. And so I just I just I love I love I'm so glad that this is gonna be out on Wisdom Rising because I think people need to hear that too.

SPEAKER_01 54:32

Yeah, yeah. And it and it's it's it's not like we're on the same journey, but we're both on journeys.

SPEAKER_00 54:38

Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 54:39

They're they're reasonably close together-ish. Um, but uh it it's it's like everybody has has to, well, I nobody well uh let me try to say neither she nor I is stagnating. We are both growing, and you know, uh we're both older, so um our path is going to lead to you know some physical difficulties in the uh future, but we're ready for it. You know, uh we're ready to be there for each other as we face what because there have to be major health challenges as you age. Um, you know, that's the way it goes. So uh and I no longer have fear about that. I'm not saying I'm looking forward to them, but I'm like, I can be there for for for her, and she can be there for me. And I I have trust that we will figure out our way through whatever we face up until the end, which is going to to to happen. So there's like death and dying and the road to it aren't fearful. Um, you know, uh, it's about living now and enjoying all the time that we have together. And I feel like I'm in a great spot for that.

SPEAKER_00 55:57

I love it, and I'm so grateful that you came on the show today, Peter. So thank you. Thank you for sharing your story, your wisdom with Wisdom Rising and all of our audiences. It's been a pleasure to have you on. I feel like that is the perfect spot to end our show. Do you have any um last words of wisdom? I will be putting your your link to your socials and our show notes. But is there anything else that you want to share before we conclude?

SPEAKER_01 56:26

Yeah, I'll I'll just end with with this. You're not broken. You can't be. Um you may have some work to do, you may have some figuring out to do, but you're not broken. And you're worth the understanding and and and the love.

SPEAKER_00 56:48

Absolutely. Oh, thank you so much for coming on. And um, if anyone has any questions about this episode, want resources, be sure to check the show notes or reach out to us. We'll be here for you. Thank you so much, Peter.

SPEAKER_01 57:03

Thank you so much. This was awesome. This is my first time doing it. I was a little nervous. You made it really easy. So thank you.

SPEAKER_00 57:09

I'm so glad to hear that. And it felt like that. It felt like this was just an easy-flowing conversation. I know our audience is gonna enjoy it as well. So thank you, thank you.

SPEAKER_01 57:18

Great, thank you.

SPEAKER_00 57:20

Thanks for tuning in to today's show, the Wisdom Rising Podcast is sponsored by Moonrising Shamanic Institute. If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to subscribe to the show on your favorite podcasting app and be the first to know when we release a new episode. You can find us on Instagram, Facebook, and YouTube at Moonrising Institute, or visit our website, Moonrising Institute.com. Once again, thanks for sharing space with us today. And until next time, may you awaken to the whispers of wisdom rising from within.