Why It's So Hard To Just BE Fat

 We've been taught to hate and fear fat bodies in equal measure—for social reasons, moral reasons, and medicalized health reasons that justify the first two. Society tells us fat people don't belong, that we're unacceptable, abnormal, and undesirable. We're judged as lazy, undisciplined moral failures who are stealing resources from those who deserve them. And when these prejudices become too uncomfortable to defend, health concern provides the perfect cover. In this episode, I break down exactly why it's so hard to accept that it's okay to be fat, even for rational, critical-thinking people who should know better. Because when you understand why society has framed fat bodies as a problem, you can begin to resist internalizing that message. 

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Chapters

• 3:50 The Three Reasons We Fear Fat Bodies
• 6:41 Social Rejection and Taking Up Space
• 12:23 Moral Judgments and Worth
• 16:41 Health as Justification for Stigma

Transcript

Hello, and welcome to episode 35 of Season 5 of the Fat Doctor Podcast. I'm your host, Dr Asher Larmie.
And it's November. I can't quite believe we got to November. I remember starting at the beginning of the year thinking, oh, I know this year is not going to be fun. I mean, it was obvious, wasn't it? We saw the writing on the wall. And yet 2025 has exceeded my expectations when it comes to just how bad it could get. I thought it would be bad, it was worse.
And I don't say that lightly, you know, because I had some pretty bad predictions to start with, but wow, yeah. It's November, we're coming to the end of Season 5. I think when we move into 2026, I'm just gonna make it Season 6. But whew. Yeah.
I really wish I had better news for you folks. I wish I had something really positive to say, but I don't, so I'm going to say this instead. I came off the back of being invited to a conference last week, it was only a week ago at the time of recording this, but in between the conference and now, I got norovirus, which, for those who don't know, is winter vomiting and diarrhea bug, which just is horrendous, and it sweeps through the house, and it takes everyone out, and it was just it was a week from hell. So it's been a really long week, but yeah, this time last week, or just, yeah, just over a week ago, I was at the final ever QED conference. If you don't know what that is, look it up. Fantastic conference. Just a joy to be there.
Surrounded by hundreds of people who were left-leaning, critical-thinking, reasonable, rational human beings who are interested in learning about all sorts of things, it was just really, like, what a wonderful group of people to be around, and what a privilege to be able to speak. I was invited to speak at a panel all about weight stigma and weight science.
And what was really interesting was the way that it had been framed was, you know, this conference has been going on for many years. There's a group of people who really are used to you know, critical thinking, and exploring evidence, and yet still struggle to get their heads around the idea that being fat is really not as bad as you're led to believe.
It was almost like I was on the fringe of, like, the fringe, you know? This was a fringe group of people who were trying to do things differently, who were trying to think, use their, you know, use their critical and rational parts of their brain to see beyond the headlines, and to see beyond the kind of PR stunts, and to really understand and get to grips with things. So this was like a kind of like a fringe conference, really, and I was on the fringe of the fringe. That's how it felt. I was thinking to myself, wow, why is it you know, why is it so hard for people to get their heads around this stuff, you know?
You know, I can say to people, I can say it over and over again, look, weight loss is not sustainable. Plenty of evidence to support this. In fact, overwhelming evidence to support this. It's just not sustainable. And even if it was, weight loss doesn't benefit your health. Again, plenty of evidence to, you know, to support this. Weight loss is harmful. I tell people all the time, weight loss is harmful, it is bad for you, it causes all sorts of damage. Here's the evidence, again, there's just tons of it.
And yet, and yet, people still struggle. Rational, rational, rational, rational, reasonable people still struggle to get their heads around the idea that they shouldn't be losing weight, aspiring to lose weight, you know, shedding those final few pounds, like, that shouldn't be one of their main goals in life. Really struggle with this idea.
And so I really got to thinking as I was at the conference, and as I was coming back from the conference, on this journey from hell, where I no doubt picked up norovirus. Why do we struggle so much with this? And so the next couple of podcast episodes are kind of it's like a two-parter, really, but this first episode is me trying to kind of get my head around fundamentally, why people struggle so much to believe that it is okay to just be fat.
Why are we struggling? Why do we struggle to understand that it's okay to be fat? You know, because we as a society have been taught no matter where you are in the world, no matter what you're doing, you've been taught to hate and fear fat bodies in equal measure. Just hate them and fear them.
And I'm sort of trying to, like, you know, I'm really trying to, like, distill it down to the why. Why, you know, what what are the reasons for this? Why are we taught to hate and fear fat bodies in equal measure. And I believe there are three main reasons, right? And it's nice, it's always nice to have three. It could have been four, it could have been 5, it's three, right? 3 sounds good, and three is where I'm at.
I think there are social reasons. I think that there are moral reasons. And I think that there are health reasons, and I put health in inverted commas, because we'll get to that. And I often focus on the health, right? Because, you know, I'm a doctor, and it's kind of my schtick, but I'm not just going to be talking about that today. In fact, I think I want to kind of, like, dig down a little bit deeper, like, peel off the layers.
Really think about it. Like, why does everyone else think it's bad to be fat? Why do I think it's bad to be fat? Why do I still struggle, even after all this time and all this evidence, the, you know, all this research that I've done over the years? I still struggle, I'm still struggling with it, why? Why?
Those are the three reasons, I think, and the first one, the social reasons, you know, the idea that fat people don't actually belong in society, I think is kind of, like, the biggest driver for me. You know, I have been taught that fat people really just have no place in good society. Like, if we, you know, if we dream of a utopian world, you know, the perfect world, the perfect place to live. Fat people wouldn't be in it. It wouldn't be fat people. Fat people are somehow, like, a sign of how far we've fallen, you know? Like a disease. Like a pathology, almost. That's what I was raised to believe. I'm not saying it's true, it's just what I was raised to believe. It's hardwired into my into my DNA, it's, you know, it's almost on a cellular level.
You know, because society, like, there are cultural reasons, right? Like, let's face it, there are just basic sort of broad societal standards for what is acceptable, what is quote unquote, normal, and what is desirable? And those are three separate things. What is acceptable? What is normal, what is desirable. So acceptable, like, you know, that's the kind of that's where the social and the moral reasons kind of merge together a little bit. You know, like, who gets to decide what's acceptable and what's not acceptable? And I think it's been driven a lot by, you know, things like the fashion industry, social media, the media, all sorts of, like, you know, things. And I think very much also driven by the weight loss industry. Like, in fact, I would argue that the fashion industry and the weight loss industry kind of got together 150 years ago, or 100 years ago, got married, had some babies, and as a result, like, we, you know, we've, like, been infiltrated.
Our society's been infiltrated. This is what is acceptable, this is what is desirable, you know? This is what a beautiful body looks like, and this is what an ugly body looks like. And even if you don't care about, like, what other people think about what you look like, even if you're just like, I don't care about what their opinion of me, and I've got to that stage, kind of, you know, where I'm just like, pfft, fuck those guys, I don't care.
I still think that it runs much deeper than that. If you're being told that you are simply unacceptable, like, society rejects you wholly and completely, that when you look the way you look, you are unacceptable. You are not quote-unquote normal, which is ironic, really, because what is normal? Is it average? Is that what normal is? Is normal average? Because if normal is average, and a third of the population are quote-unquote obese, like, people need to do the math.
Stop with the whole, like, you know, what is normal? If you look at society as a whole, rather than being told, like, this is how we define normal, if we just look at society to see what is kind of average, what is common, what is like, fat bodies are very common. They're very average. Kind of boring. A lot of people are fat, you know? It's not that weird. It's not that quote-unquote deviant.
But yeah, we're being we've been dictated, we've been told what is acceptable, what is desirable, what is normal, and so when you are not any of those things, there's such a rejection, isn't there, from society. And then there's this kind of, like, I don't know, economic and political aspect to it. It's all about resources. You know, who gets access? Who gets to take up space? Who gets the power? Who gets the visibility? Who gets lifted up who gets pushed down.
Fat people are being told that we are a waste of resources, that we're a burden, you know, that we're a we are we're not allowed to take up space at all, literally, and metaphorically. Like, they try to pin us in. You sit on a bus, or a train, or a plane, or or you sit at a restaurant, or even a seat in a conference. And you're pushed in, you're hemmed in, you're squished in, you're taking up too much space, man. Stop taking up my space, get out of my space!
Some people don't have the power. We don't have the financial resources, we don't have the the the political capital, none of that, man. We are a group of people who have been rejected, as I said, by society, so we don't have any power.
And then, you know, actually, there's also this kind of almost existential thing that happens here, where, you know, we've been rejected on so many different levels, but there's kind of, like, almost that, you know, you just you simply shouldn't, like, you shouldn't exist, like, fat bodies shouldn't exist. That's the ultimate rejection.
So when I'm feeling all of this kind of societal rejection, it makes it really, really hard to accept who I am, to just exist as a human being when I'm being told that I really shouldn't literally just shouldn't exist.
So those are the social reasons, and then there are some, kind of, moral reasons as well that we're taught from birth, that fat people are inherently worth less. Or, you can put those two words together. Fat people are inherently worthless. Worth less, or worthless. Worthless. I can't even say that word now.
Because that's what we're told, right? There are these personal character judgments, these beliefs, these assumptions about fat people. We are lazy. We are undisciplined. We don't have willpower. We are greedy, and gluttonous, and sinful, and sensual, and carnal, and you know, there is an image of us, sat down a headless torso eating chips on the couch, I don't know. Something about potatoes, I don't know, they're they're the poor potato man, I don't know, poor potato, poor humble potato, minding his own business, got got such a bad rap, but like, yeah, that's the image, isn't it?
And and so these are personal judgments that people make about us. Nobody wants to be judged as lazy and undisciplined and lacking willpower and gluttonous, and selfish, and da-da-da, and nobody wants to be thought of that way. But there's almost, like, that's who you are as an individual, but also how you are impacting the world around you. Like, your kind of social responsibility, you're a burden to the healthcare system, you are taking up resources, you are costing society money, you are, you know, you're such a drain.
Dude, like, not only are you unacceptable. Undesirable. Abnormal. Not only are you worthless, but you're also just stealing from the people who deserve it, taking the things that people need. It's almost like it's almost like I have visions of, kind of, like, you know, this whole idea of, you know, stealing candy from a baby. Sorry, I said that in a slightly mean way. Candy's not a thing, American folks. Sweets, chocolate, that's what we call them. Anyway, no. But taking, like, whatever it is, something sweet from a baby. And there's a for me, there's always this image of, like, a fat person that's just so greedy, sees a little sweet, innocent baby. My kids always point out, babies shouldn't really be eating candy, like, that's not safe, you know? But whatever. And some fat person snatching it out of the hand, you know, sweet little kid, like, trying to... I don't know. I don't know that so I'm gonna stop, because it's that's just that's spiralling. But anyway, that's how I see it, that we are stealing from the innocent. That's how we're portrayed, anyway.
And there's something in there also, from that moral point of view, about whether we like what we deserve, what we as fat people deserve. Not just what we're entitled to, but what we are deserving of, what we're worthy of. You know, are we entitled to, or deserving of, or worthy of respect, or care, or love?
Or just basic human rights, like, are we? Because we're such moral failures that maybe we're not. You know, maybe we maybe we have to make a choice, like either stay fat or be loved, but not, like, stay fat and be loved at the same time, like, that's that just no. No, we've been taught we're not allowed to do that.
So there are these, like, really, sort of, important, powerful social and moral kind of reasons why we as society have been taught to hate and fear fat bodies in equal measure. And then and then comes the health. You know, this kind of medicalized justification for the other two things, like, because if we sit down as a society and we're just like, yeah, is it okay to tell certain groups of people just because of the way they look like, because of the way they look, that they're not entitled to love and respect and decency and human rights? Like, that they're a burden, that they are... But to make all sorts of kind of assumptions about them, to reject them wholly. Like, is that okay just based on what they look like? I think we as a society will go, yeah, not all of us, but many of us are going, yeah, probably not.
Like, theoretically, no, we can't do that. So then, we need some kind of justification to behave the way that we're behaving as a society. And so, along comes health. It's great. We've medicalized it now, we can pretend to be concerned, we can, you know, do all the things that we're doing, and so, because we care about your health. Hello? And again, you know, breaking it down a little bit further, it's not just health, but, like, there is this idea that there is a denial of our current health.
Like, you know, like, we're not allowed to be healthy. If you're fat, you're just not allowed to be healthy, and I'm talking about this ad nauseam, about whether it is possible to be fat and healthy, and what is health, and healthism, and all of that stuff, but but there's a real kind of, like, almost it's really hard, isn't it, that we're not allowed to be healthy, on the one hand. But we're also not allowed to be sick.
Because you're not actually allowed to be sick, you we just want to blame that on your weight. So, we can't be sick, we can't be healthy. There's a denial of our current reality, there's a prediction of our future health, like, you stay fat, not only are you unlovable and unworthy, but also you're definitely going to get sick. But also, if you get sick, well, it's because you're fat. You know, it's a catch-22.
And more importantly, there is this obligation, this idea, this obligation to pursue health, and I don't think this only applies to fat people, I think this applies to everyone. Like, we have been told, as a society that we have an individual obligation to pursue health, that we have a moral duty to make ourselves healthier. That health is a responsibility that we owe other people. And of course, if you're fat, then you know, that that means you have to lose weight. Because, like I said, you can't be fat and healthy, and you also if you are fat, you are definitely going to get sick, and we can predict that with just by looking at you. Good luck with your diabetes! That's, you know, so yeah. It's tricky, isn't it?
We live in a world where it's just almost impossible to exist as a fat person. And and I think as as the world gets harsher, as people become less and less tolerant, less and less accepting, that gets even harder and harder for us.
There are fewer resources, because billionaires are greedy and have sucked them all up. Talk about greedy. That's not fat people, it's billionaires. Those are the greedy people, but whatever. But, you know, fewer resources, so there are, you know, there are stricter kind of cultural ideas around what's acceptable and normal and desirable, and we kind of know this, that the more right of the center we are, politically, socially, the stricter those are, and the thinner those become. There's, like, thinness has been has long been associated with, with nationalism, national identity, with fascism, patriotism, you know. Be thin for your country. Be thin, you know, be a better human being, and I just I don't ever pay attention to the Trump administration, really. I genuinely try hard to kind of block all things Trump-related from my life, but I somehow managed to accidentally stumble upon a few months, weeks ago, it was something to do with the military? I don't know, it was that dickhead, whatever his name is, Pete, what shall I call it, you know who I'm talking about. Hegseth, or Heggs, whatever his name is. That that cock. Again, don't ever look at images of him. I try and stay away from him, but he was, like, so was on stage, like, he was lecturing a whole bunch of, like, military people, and they were all, from what I could tell, high up in the military, and he was just kind of lecturing them about like, just looking looking right, like, there are no fat generals, or something like that. I think he made some comment, and I just I almost laughed at the absurdity of it, because I was like.
Generals are generals. If you have made it thus far, I don't know what it takes to become a general, I imagine it's very hard. I'm not a big fan of the military, but whatever, like, you know, you've worked hard, you've got to where you are, like, fat or not, they are. Like, you can't who gets to decide? Some dickhead who, from what I understand, I don't know enough about him, but from what I understand, like, he's a nobody, like, he doesn't have I don't even think he's served in the military, and he's lecturing all of these people about this is the way you're supposed to look, you know? We gotta look a certain way. I mean, it's it's so it's so reminiscent of every other fascist regime that you've ever come across. I'm not surprised that he said all these things. This is classic fascist tactics.
But yet, like, the absurdity of it... This is what we're supposed to look like, you know, this is what our nation should aspire to. The nationalism, the kind of patriotism, like, that bullshit is it's well known that thinness is part of that, very much part of that, and has been for a very long time.
So we have all this stuff going on in the background. It was hard before. It was always been hard, it was never easy. We've always struggled. But this is not the kind of, like, the 1960s, where everyone is, like, all about free love and acceptance. I don't know if that's actually true, or whether Woodstock the Woodstock generation is more of a myth now than the actual reality. I wasn't there, I don't know enough about history, but, you know, we don't live in a kind of free, tolerant, accepting society right now. We live in a world where people are being scapegoated left, right, and center, and as a member of the trans community, and a fat person, as a disabled person, as a queer person, I am very conscious of just how, how how quick society is to scapegoat anyone who is considered to be less acceptable, less quote-unquote normal, less desirable. Yeah.
So I guess what I'm trying to say is it's hard out there, folks. Jeez, it's really hard out there right now. I want to have, like, this kind of neat little ending to this podcast. I want to, sort of, have some rousing speech, kind of Independence Day, kind of, Bill Pullman standing there talking about today will be our independence, like, the I wish I had something to say. But I don't.
I just it's hard. And for me, at least when I understand why it's hard. And when I turn this all inwards, you know, because it's happening, it's all around me, and then when I turn in on myself, when I start taking all of these things that society are saying about fat people, and turning them on, you know, and internalizing them. I need to remind myself, hang on a second, why? Why are we being told that fat bodies should be hated and feared in equal measure?
And that helps a little bit. I don't know if it helps you, but it helps me a little bit. I am here. I don't want us to be alone and struggling. If you are a member of my paid community, The Weighting Room, you'll know that every week now, I am sending a little a little voice note, a little message, a little love note, a little email, specifically for my community, where I'm sharing a little bit more about what I'm going through, as a as a person, where I'm kind of beginning to process my own trauma, a bit more publicly? I say publicly. I'm not going to put it out there for the whole internet to see. I don't trust the internet. But certainly with my paid community, I'm kind of just being a little bit more open, and we're starting up some conversations, and they're hard conversations, and, you know, it's starting off small, but it is really it's been really cathartic. I'm not trauma dumping, by the way, like, I'm not actually sharing my trauma. It's more about, this is how I'm processing my trauma, like, I'm kind of working my way through it, and kind of sharing that with other people, because I don't I don't want other people to feel like they're alone. For the longest time, I felt like I was alone, and I'm slowly learning that there's power in community, that we don't have to be alone, so yeah.
That's something that I've been doing. I'm emailing you all, trying to keep up once a week with a or, I don't know, a newsletter with some hope, I hope? I don't know, something to read, maybe. And, yeah, I've got some spaces in the next couple of months, if anybody wants a one-to-one. I enjoy them so much. So I'm always like, oh I want to do another one-to-one, but I also appreciate that that's, like, a financial investment. So, yeah, hey, if you want a 90-minute one-to-one with me, I really, really want to work with you, is what I'm trying to say, but I also understand that that's not something that everyone can do.
So yeah, that's where I'm at. I don't even know how to end this podcast, I think I just probably just need to end it. Thank you so much for listening. Next week, I'm going to kind of follow on from this. So we we've talked about why we talked about the problem this week, you know, sort of how society has framed fat people as a problem, and next week I'm going to be talking about the solution, the so-called solution. So tune in, thanks for joining me, I'll see you next week. Have a good one, stay safe, and yeah, hopefully we'll all be here next week.