Seasons Greetings from the Fat Doctor

 In this season finale, I'm stripping away the should-dos and reminding you of what truly matters: your rest is non-negotiable, your boundaries deserve enforcement, and joy isn't something you earn—it's your birthright. I share what I've learned about unmasking, choosing authenticity over performance, and grabbing those small moments of joy even when the world feels overwhelming. This isn't about toxic positivity—it's about protecting your peace in a world that constantly demands you put yourself last. 

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Chapters

• 2:27 You Deserve to Rest and Unplug
• 8:05 It's Okay to Be Honest and Disappoint People
• 13:41 Don't Ignore Your Body's Signals
• 19:19 Living Authentically and Unmasking

Transcript

Hello, and welcome to episode 40, the final episode of Season 5 of the Fat Doctor podcast. I'm your host, Dr Asher Larmie. It has been a pleasure going through Season 5. Things have changed, I've been really trying to figure things out in Season 5, and I feel like I finally found my groove. I feel like I'm not trying to do a podcast like other people's podcasts anymore, I'm doing my podcast, what my podcast is like. So thank you for sticking with me, thank you for those of you who are new to the podcast this year. Thank you for those of you who have been hanging around since the beginning.

Thank you to all of you who, last year, shared your Spotify 10 most listened to podcasts, and I was on them, and you screenshot it, and you sent it to me. I really appreciate that if you want to do that again this year, I won't say no. I love that, that really did cheer me up last year. I'm not begging you to do it, but if I happen to come up in your Spotify 10 Most Listen To Podcasts, I am really grateful for you. Anybody else who just switches on occasionally, I'm grateful for you too.

So we're gonna be nice and chilled this week. I'm gonna end the year in a really positive way, in a really affirming way. I'm just gonna remind you of some really important things that you need to remember, especially in 2025. Always, but especially in 2025 going into 2026. Just things you need to hear.

The first is that you absolutely deserve to take some time out. To switch off, to unplug, to rest. To create little bubbles of quiet for yourself, especially if you have a few days off coming up. You are allowed to spend some of those days focusing on you and no one else. There is nothing stopping you from doing that, and in fact, I would encourage you to do it. Rest is so important. It is restorative. It is good for your body, it is good for your mind, it is good for your energy levels, it is good for your hormones.

It is really important, and I don't know, I'm not someone who rests easily. But I'm trying to be more intentional about that. Some parts of me like to have something to do, you know? Like, I don't do very well doing nothing. I'm getting better at doing nothing. One of the reasons is because I realized that oftentimes I'm busy, or making myself busy, as a means of distracting myself from the stuff that's going on on the inside. So yes, sometimes I force myself to stay still, but sometimes rest is basically doing the opposite of what you've been doing.

So if I spent a lot of time with my nose in a book, because I've been reading about something, or doing some research, rest means turning it off, and lying down, or going for a walk, being outside, whatever. It's the opposite of what I've been spending too much time doing, so I just want to remind you to rest.

I want to remind you, also, that you get to say no, that you don't always have to say yes. I know sometimes we say yes out of obligation, I know sometimes we say yes because we feel like it's the right thing to do, because we've been conditioned to put everyone else's needs above our own. Because sometimes saying yes is easier than saying no. And yeah, I get that. I totally get that, but you also have the right just to say no, thanks, no. No thanks, no thank you, works just fine.

Because, and this is really important too, you do get to prioritise yourself. I know that most of the people who are listening to this podcast don't do that naturally. It doesn't come naturally to prioritize your needs over other people's needs. I know, historically, whenever I've come into money, like say I got a tax rebate, or a bonus. Didn't happen very often, but every so often, money suddenly appears. Sometimes it's just like a £10 note in the pocket of the jeans, but sometimes it's more than that.

And whenever I sort of come into money unexpectedly, my automatic response is, who am I spending this on? So usually, I'm spending it on doing some repairs in the house that need doing, you know, a fridge that needs replacing, because it's on its last legs, or sometimes I spend it on the people that I love, buy them a gift, or whatever. I never, ever spend it on myself. Ever. I'm not very good at doing that. Automatically, I mean, I'm getting better at doing it.

But I don't know, it's not just talking about money here, but I think how we spend our money does reflect how we feel about ourselves, and how we prioritize ourselves. And how we prioritize other people, that's my belief, you know? So yeah. Prioritizing yourself oftentimes is something that you have to choose intentionally.

But that's something I've come to realize, is no one else is prioritizing me. If I don't prioritize myself, no one will prioritize me. You know? And there's that whole thing about when you're in the airplane, and they tell you the oxygen mask come down, you have to put your mask on first before you can put on other people's masks. It's always very trite, like, we've never actually, I'm assuming most people listening to this podcast have never actually been in an aeroplane where the oxygen masks have come down, and we've actually had to do that. But that's not instinctive, listen!

If I'm in a situation where we're running out of oxygen, I will choose my children over myself. Like, I would have to be very intentional about putting the oxygen mask on myself before putting it on someone else. And of course, this is an extreme situation, but actually, naturally, I've been programmed, certainly, to prioritize other people's needs above my own, and sometimes that's good. And sometimes that's right, and you know, if my kids are going hungry, I'm not gonna feed myself before feeding my kids. That goes without saying, but my kids aren't going hungry, so if I come into a bit of money, then it's okay to spend some of it, maybe not all of it, but some of it on myself.

And putting money aside, I think it's okay to just sometimes say no. And sometimes, say, I'm putting myself first. Or I'm gonna do something nice for myself. I'm gonna do something nice just for me.

I'm still afraid to do that, you know, I still struggle to do that. I desperately need a massage, and there's a place where they do really good massages just down the road, and I discovered this on Google a few weeks ago, and I was like, oh, and they're quite cheap. So I could totally go there and have a massage done, and yet I'm still afraid to book it in. So, another thing that I want to encourage everyone to remember is it's okay to tell the truth, and to be honest.

Especially at this time of the year, you know, when people are inviting you out to a party, and you just don't want to go. It's okay to just go, I really don't want to go. You don't have to have an excuse or a reason, or a justification, it's okay to just be like, oh, I really don't feel like it, or I don't have the energy, or it's not my cup of tea, sorry. Well, maybe not even sorry, maybe tone down the sorry, just that it's not for me. But thanks for the offer!

Sometimes we can be more blunt than other times. I'm very good at being blunt, but I really think it's important to learn to be more honest with people. We spend so much time, so much time and energy, trying to provide a soft landing. Especially when I'm saying no, or I'm prioritizing myself, or I'm disappointing people, or whatever. Like, I spend so much time trying to make it as nice as possible, so that the other person can tolerate it, can swallow it, like, why?

We don't need to do that. We can just be honest with people. And it's not always gonna provoke a very nice reaction. Some people will really hate us for doing that. But that doesn't mean we shouldn't do it. I think if we were all much more honest with each other, life would be a lot easier.

Is what I'm trying to say. I also think it's okay to disappoint people. I think it's okay to let people down. Especially those of us that have children, I think it's really important to disappoint our children every so often, because our children need to learn that it's okay to disappoint other people. Otherwise, we're perpetuating this cycle of perfectionism, right? Which is just not a good idea.

Perfectionism sucks, and it is a tool of capitalism, it is a tool of white supremacy, it is horrendous, and so sometimes I think we have to just practice disappointing people for the sake of disappointing people, you know? Just like, no, I'm not doing that, sorry. Or not even, sorry, like I said, just know I'm not gonna do that. I'm not going to be there. I've had a few situations recently. I'm learning this, this is stuff I'm learning.

I've had friends, you know, text me, message me. Oftentimes with medical stuff. And just be like, oh, that's a help. And it's Friday at 9pm. And I always answered that call. Always. And now I'm like, yeah, sorry, I… well, not sorry, again, like, it's a bit late. I'll talk to you on Monday.

I'm actually, every single time, the friend's like, cool, thanks. They never get upset with me, but for me, it feels like a really big thing that I'm letting someone down and disappointing them, but it's important to do that. It's important, like I said, to prioritize yourself, to enforce also your own boundaries, to have boundaries.

I have boundaries about what people can discuss, like talking about my body, no, that's a boundary. I learned about boundaries that boundaries are something that we have to enforce. Just because you have a boundary doesn't mean that another person isn't going to try and cross it. Even if you have a 10-foot fence, someone could try and climb the fence, right? Even if it's made of stone, and it has razor wire and glass, it doesn't matter. People can still attempt to climb the fence if they want to.

It's your responsibility to enforce that boundary, however you want to enforce them, and I am learning to not be too rigid about my boundaries. I think sometimes I can go one way or the other, either I don't have any boundaries, or I'm, you know, 10-foot wall, you will not cross. You know, you can find somewhere in the middle, but it's important to enforce the boundaries. And enforcing the boundaries is really difficult to begin with.

I would encourage you, if you are not already enforcing this boundary, to make it clear that people don't get to comment on your body, or on what you're eating. And there are so many different ways to do that. You don't have to be polite about it, you can be rude. You can also be polite, you can choose to be polite, you can choose to walk away, you can choose to make a joke of it, but it's, I think, the best thing to do, is just say, actually, I don't want you to comment on my body, or please do not comment on my body, or I don't accept people commenting on my body, or, you know, whatever you need to say, no. Just know.

Because you know what? Protecting your peace is more important than keeping the peace. I think I've said this a few times recently. Protecting your peace is more important than keeping the peace. Very important.

And last but not least, I want to remind everyone that no is a complete sentence. You don't need to justify your no, you don't have to explain your no, you don't have to make excuses for your no, apologize for your no. Nope. You can just say no. Complete sentence.

One thing I learned really early on in my career as a doctor was the importance of silence. Again, I think I might have said this a few times. When you say no, it's important to hold the line. Hold, say no, and then don't, because the temptation is to say no, and then to do the explaining, the apologizing, the justifying. What about if you just said no? Just went, no.

People do not know how to handle that situation, but you know what? If you stay silent, the other person will get into a bit of a tizz. They, some people will just be like, okay. And some people will get really upset about it. What do you mean, no? How can you just, you just need, you just need, don't give in at that point in time, just saying no. I said no. Just no. I don't owe you an explanation just now.

Don't ignore your own body this season, or in fact, in 2026. Don't ignore your own body ever, but definitely at the moment, please. I cannot stress this enough. I just keep meeting so many people at the moment who are just, they are so overwhelmed, and they are so sick. They're so sick, and they keep saying I was so sick, and I'm like, that is your body continuing to slow down. Like, sometimes, if you're not listening to the subtle cues, it gets very aggressive with you.

If you are feeling really exhausted, if you are feeling really sick all the time, if you're getting one sort of cold after the next after the next, and after that, there is a chance, I mean, there could be pathological reason for this, but chances are it's because you are overwhelmed. Your body has had enough. Your body is exhausted, and I know, we live in a world where sometimes we can't afford to slow down, literally we can't afford to slow down, because we have jobs, et cetera, et cetera.

And sometimes we feel like we can't afford to slow down because that's the way that society works. I get it. I get it, but your body doesn't. Your body doesn't give a shit about your reasoning. Your body doesn't care about end-stage capitalism. Like, it doesn't know what's happening, it just knows that it can't go on anymore. So if your body's telling you something, it's trying to tell you something.

And those of us who are intuitive eaters get it, right? Like, at the moment, I'm really hungry, super hungry. I went past the point of slightly hungry to the point of being really, really hungry, but I wanted to finish this podcast. And so, I'm ignoring my hunger cues, which is really hypocritical of me, but it is what I'm doing. My body is telling me I need to eat something, and I need to eat something now, and so I better get this over and done with so I can go and do that.

To the autistics, the neurodivergent people out there, hey, sensory overwhelm and social overwhelm are a thing, you don't have to expose yourself to either of those two things. You totally just get to go. Again, no, and opt out of all of this stuff.

Like, especially at this time of the year, I don't know, the bright lights, even the lights are upsetting. This year, we made a decision not to decorate the house. First year I've ever not done that. But it's been quite nice, actually. It's been quite nice, because it hasn't been a sensory overwhelm, and it hasn't been a social overwhelm. I quite like the fact that it's dark and quiet outside at the moment. I am going to make the most of this dark and quiet season.

But yeah, don't forget, can't forget about overwhelm. If you're feeling overwhelmed, again, listen to your body. Don't also pretend to be happy when you're not happy, that's the other thing that I've learnt this year, is that I've always put on a happy face for other people, because I didn't want to make other people uncomfortable.

I stopped doing that. I want to give a big shout out to my amazing community of friends. I have a wonderful group of friends around me. I have not chosen my friends well in the past. I'm just gonna say it. There have been some hideous friend choices out there. I look back and I'm like, what was I thinking?

I always chose poorly. I have been friends with a lot of bullies in the past, people who really made me feel uncomfortable, really made me feel quite scared, and not able to be myself. And those were the people I chose to spend my time and energy on. There's lots of reasons for that. Goes back to my childhood. I've been in therapy for a few years. I understand what was going on, but I finally have a group of people around me that make me feel like I can be myself.

That I don't have to hide, and I don't have to pretend to be happy. And they always ask me how I'm doing, not in a, like, how are you kind of way, because they know that that's a very difficult question to answer, but I can say to them, I'm actually not doing great. And they are okay with that. And they will hold that space for me and go, I'm sorry to hear that, Asher. Do you want to talk about it? What do you need? Like, they are amazing. So I want to give a big shout out to them. They know who they are.

I love you all so much, you mean so much to me, and I'm so grateful for you, and I thank you for teaching me the importance of not saying I'm fine when I'm not fine, of teaching me that it's okay to not be okay. I'm super grateful for you.

And yes. I just want to encourage you all listening today, but you don't have to be fine, you don't have to be okay, you don't have to pretend to be happy if you're not happy, and if you're feeling shit, you're allowed to feel shit. And you're allowed to say that you feel shit. You don't have to, you don't owe anybody happiness, right? You don't owe anybody joy.

Especially this time of the year. I don't care if it's supposed to be the most wonderful time of the year. For a lot of us it's not. For a lot of us, it's actually a very painful time of the year. For a lot of us, it's a reminder of people who are absent. Of traumatic events, it's a reminder of, you know, people start commenting on our bodies, and food choices, et cetera, et cetera. For a lot of people, it's not fun.

And so it's okay to not be okay, is what I'm trying to say. And in that vein, so you shouldn't pretend to be happy when you're not, and you shouldn't pretend to be someone that you're not, either. Because I've been unmasking this year, folks. I don't know if you've noticed, but I've been unmasking.

Now, my whole life, I believed that I was too much. Or I wasn't enough. It was a combination of both. There was too much in some respects, not enough in some respects, that something was desperately wrong with me. That I wasn't good enough just me, being me, so I had to be someone else.

I tried to shrink myself, I tried to conform to society's standards, I tried to hide literally behind a mask. Masking. You've heard of this. That's fucking exhausting. It is also unsustainable. It is both exhausting and unsustainable in equal measure.

And being authentic has meant that being my authentic self has meant, like I said, a lot of people in my life over the last couple of years have done some really shitty things to me. Shit-posted about me on social media, and all sorts. Good luck to them, is what my grandmother would say. But people didn't like me unmasking. They really didn't. They did not enjoy the authentic version of Asher.

And to them, I say goodbye and good luck. I wish you all the best, but I'm very glad you're no longer part of my life. Because if you don't like the authentic version of me, then you don't like me, and you don't need to be in my life. Like, that doesn't make you a bad person, or wrong, it just means you don't like me. And I don't want to be around you.

So yes, living authentically and unmasking has not been easy. But it has taken me to a place where I am feeling at least a bit more like myself.

I put at the end, joy is your birthright. Once upon a time, many years ago, I used to write Christmas cards. I haven't done that for years. But I used to really like the ones that had words like joy and peace and, like, you know, those words that evoke such, I don't know, such positive kind of connotations. But they always felt a bit false at the same time. Like, it was like we were performing joy and peace, but we weren't actually experiencing it for ourselves. Joy is your motherfucking birthright.

It is the food for your spirit. It is the antidote to all of the crap that we're living through right now. It is a powerful life force, right, that kind of helps us to get through the challenging times. And nobody has the right to steal that from you. Nobody has the right to steal your joy.

And so, I want to end today by saying, to grab those moments of joy, whenever and wherever you can. I recently was, I was talking about joy about 3 months ago with my wonderful group of friends. And I was saying, I don't feel like I feel joy, and I'm not sure I even know what joy is. What even is joy? It was like this weird idea, like this concept, joy.

But I don't know if I really experienced it, maybe there's something wrong with me, you know, maybe I don't feel real emotions, maybe I'm a robot. That went down the neurodivergent rabbit hole that people go down. And I learned from my amazing group of friends about, kind of, the little moments. Like, it doesn't have to be the big, kind of, Disney movie, Hallmark movie moment.

It can actually be something very small. And my group of friends did this really lovely thing where we kind of all shared the moments of, like, the little moments of joy that meant, you know, and one of them was, like, you know, the view from my balcony, and, you know, sharing a glass of wine with, you know, with the love of my life. Like, just little things, you know?

Real little things, like snuggles with my dog, whatever, and I was just like, oh yeah, no, that is, I definitely feel those things. I know what those things are. And so I got really greedy about moments of joy. In the last few months, I've been like, I take it wherever I can. Anytime there's an opportunity to experience joy, I'm like, I'll have it.

If there's a food, I see it, and I'm like, yeah, I'll have that. It makes, I'm looking at it, and I'm like, that, mmm, yes. I'll have it. If there's an experience that I want, I'll take it. If it's just something as simple as me sitting down under a blanket and crocheting, I'll do that.

And I'm doing it at the expense of other things. You see, because when I'm choosing joy, what I realize is I'm letting go of other things. I'm working less. I am spending less time online. I'm actually spending very little time online. Because I'm too busy doing things that make me happy. And being online doesn't make me happy. I am, yeah, so I think I'm choosing joy at the expense of the things that I feel like I should be doing. And as a result, I'm doing less and less of those things. And it's like I'm redressing the balance in my life.

And it's hard, I mean, sometimes I'm not trying to spiritually bypass, you know, the situation that we're in. I am fully aware of what's going on in the world around me. I am fully aware of the fact that there are genocides taking place, televised for all to see, being ignored. I'm aware of how certain groups, certain marginalized groups are, you know, being treated worse and worse and worse with every week, month that goes past. I'm aware of that.

I also have been going through some really hard shit in my personal life, not that I've ever shared or will share, but I've experienced kind of loss that, you know, I didn't think I would be able to get through, and yet, in spite of all of that, in spite of all of that stuff going on, I'm still looking for moments of joy.

Because otherwise, what's the fucking point? I don't see the point. So, yeah. Joy, it's not gonna, I don't think you can, you know, experience joy all the time. I don't think it works that way. But when you can, when there is a moment to be had, grab it.

Grab it and take it. You deserve every ounce of joy that this season has to offer. Take care of yourself. If you live in the Northern Hemisphere, it's dark and cold for a reason. You're supposed to be bedding down or hibernating right now. So, you do that.

Have a lovely couple of weeks. I'll be back in January with Season 6 of the Fat Doctor podcast. I don't think that I've got anything else to say, really. I don't think that I've got any announcements to make. Like, just thank you, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for being here, and for listening. For making this podcast what it is, and this community what it is. I will see you next year.