THE MAJESTIC TALKS SHOW: SEASON 6: EPISODE 6: MIRROR, MIRROR: JUNE 25, 2026

The Majestic Talks Show | Season 6, Episode 6
MIRROR, MIRROR
When Your Reflection Doesn't Match How You Feel

Have you ever looked in the mirror and struggled to recognize your worth?

In a world filled with comparison, unrealistic expectations, social media pressure, body image struggles, and identity confusion, many people silently battle feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, and self-doubt. While others may see confidence, success, and beauty, the reflection we see often tells a very different story.

In this powerful healing-centered conversation, Latasha S. Morgan, is joined by Karlyn D. Henderson and Cendrine Hosoda to explore the connection between self-image, identity, emotional wellness, faith, and healing.

Together, we discuss:
• How life experiences shape the way we see ourselves• The hidden wounds behind comparison and insecurity• The impact of words, culture, and expectations on identity• Why confidence and self-worth are not the same thing• The role faith plays in restoring healthy identity• Practical steps for healing and moving forward

This episode is part of our Season Six theme:
Healing the Temple: A Mind–Body–Spirit Journey for a Healthier You
If you've ever struggled with confidence, self-worth, body image, comparison, or identity, this conversation is for you.

Featured Guests
Karlyn D. Henderson
Cendrine Hosoda

Host
Coach Latasha S. MorganHost & Executive ProducerThe Majestic Talks Show

Connect With Our Guests
Karlyn D. Henderson, M.A., Coach
Website: https://www.chayil.academy/karlyndhendersonma?fbclid=IwdGRjcASn-uFleHRuA2FlbQIxMQBzcnRjBmFwcF9pZAo2NjI4NTY4Mzc5AAEeO2YLrFHBjxoarLl-pKltZ82lMRp0hSDo_he5mcVEeDbWpsJEgOfSEAAikck_aem_-hSHN8Z1Aa1WR-tcz64fSw

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Cendrine Hosoda, Coach
Website: https://pursuingwholesomehealth.com
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Scripture Reflection
"“I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: Marvellous are thy works; And that my soul knoweth right well.”— Psalm 139:14, KJV

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:01

Hello there and welcome to Majestic Talk Show. I'm your host, Otasha Morgan, Certified Christian Life Coach, Certified Professional Life Coach, Board Certified Master Christian Mental Health Coach, and a whole lot of other good, good, goodies, y'all. I've had an amazing day, and I pray that you have had an amazing day as well. I also pray that every day to come is even greater and more amazing than the one before it. I'm so honored that you decided to join us today for this great conversation with some wonderful guests, okay? And just in case I get their names wrong, they'll let you make sure you know what their names are. Because I've gotten it wrong a few times already, okay? So you've joined us for another episode of season six series, The Healing the Temple, a Mind-Body Journey for a Healthier You. Tonight I want to begin with a question. Have you ever looked into the mirror and struggled to realize and recognize your worth? Not because you didn't recognize your face, but because somewhere along life's journey, the way you saw yourself began to change in a world filled with compassion, comparison, is sorry, unrealistic expectations, social media pressure, body image struggles, and identity confusion, many people silently battle feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, and self-doubt. And maybe that person is you. I know I have before. So while others may see confidence, success, and beauty, the reflection we see often tells a very different story. What if the mirror really isn't the problem? What if the real issue is the story we believe every time we looked into it? Tonight isn't just about appearance, is about identity, it's about emotional wellness, it's about faith and it's about healing. Joining me tonight are two incredible women. Like I said before, Carlen Henderson and Sadrine Hasoda, who are passionate about helping people just like you and me live authentically and walk in freedom. Together, we're going to explore how life experiences shape the way we see ourselves, the hidden wounds behind comparison and insecurity, the impact of words, culture, expectations, and social media on identity, why confidence and self-worth are not the same thing, the role faith plays in restoring a healthy identity, practical steps for healing and moving forward. Throughout tonight's conversation, we're going to use three coaching questions to guide you and to guide us. How do we get here? Where are we now? And how do we heal and move forward? Because healing begins with understanding. So let's dive into tonight's conversation. Let's welcome Carlin Henderson to the stage.

SPEAKER_02 2:56

Hi, Carlin. How are you? Hello, Latasha. I am doing well. Thank you for the invitation to share today.

SPEAKER_01 3:05

And thank you for joining us for your first time on the Majestic Talk Show. We are happy to have you here. Thank you. Good. So um tell us about your journey and what drew you to this conversation.

SPEAKER_02 3:21

Well, hello everyone. I'm Carlin Henderson. I'm the CEO and founder of Pomana Consultant and Halil Academy. I love working with women and leadership and all things leadership, truly. One of the things that has drawn me to the topic tonight, Me or Mirror, when your reflection doesn't match how you feel, is because I deal with a lot of women leaders who are confident and they're bold and they are strategic. But when I really peel, when they really peel back the layers and really deal with the challenges that they're dealing with in the workplace, a lot of the challenges that they're dealing with, it's not in the workplace, but within themselves. They don't have great esteem. They don't have confidence. They don't have um security in who they are. So that's what really draw me tonight, and just share, you know, some of the tips that I share with the women that I coach.

SPEAKER_01 4:15

All right. Thank you, Carolyn, again for being with us. Let's welcome Sidrine Husoda to the stage. Tell us your journey. Um, Sindrine and what drew you to this conversation.

SPEAKER_00 4:30

Hi, thanks for having me. I'm really excited to have this talk too, because I think it's very important. And I love the title even of the talk because the mirror mirror, you know, how we're thinking the mirror is telling us the truth. And this whole talk is going to be about how actually maybe not. Maybe it's not telling us the truth. And we're probably believing some things that are outdated, that that it's time and we have permission, and there's actually ways to change it that that doesn't seem like it seems hard at first, but it's actually easier than you think once you get that understanding that we're going to work on today is to kind of expose how we got here so that we can understand what's really going on. Because when the real clarity comes, then we can do something about it. Until we know it, there's not really much we can do.

SPEAKER_01 5:24

So tell us what you do, where are you from, what's your work.

SPEAKER_00 5:28

I am a spirit, soul, body life consultant. So I believe very, very deeply in what you're doing here that all are connected, and we can't be healthy in one area without needing to have the other places come in in unity so that we can be spirit, soul, body unified. And that's where I believe the best health state is available that God has intended for us. And I specifically work with women who come out of uh complex drama situations because um that's my own story. And so I have a lot of compassion and understanding about how hard it is when something's been so ingrained, because the complex trauma is something that gets repeat, repeat, repeat. And so it makes sense that that we end up believing things that that aren't true because they were true for at one point in our reality.

SPEAKER_01 6:23

Oh, thank you so much. And as you can see, I'm so excited about this conversation. So thank you so much again for being here and thanks for sharing that. Okay, so you're right. I always think, Sir Um, Sandrine, that um the body, mind, soul, and spirit are supposed to work together, they're supposed to function together, and of course they do because that's why God made it that way, you know. So, and in order to heal, we have to be healed in every area of our lives, right? Because the Bible does say, above all things, I wish that you prosper and be in good health, even as your soul prospers. So if you're going to prosper, and we always talk about prosperity, right? But in order to really prosper, you have to prosper in every area of your life and be healed in all of those areas. So that's good, Sindrine. Thank you. Um, Carlene, thank you so much too. See, I said your name right several times already. So let's get into section one. So we're gonna talk about how do we get here? And um, Carolyn, it's a dream. I know this isn't a coaching session or counseling session, and normally that's what you do when you're gonna counsel or coach someone, right? You want to know how they get to where they are, where they are now, and how can they heal and move forward. And so um I just hear some feedback, that's why I'm stopping. Um, but um, so that's how we're gonna start. It's not so everybody that's listening, this is not a coaching or counseling session. This is not something that's going to um tell you what you should be doing, but this is something that's going to help and benefit you and help you think, right? So, and if you need help with something, there are opportunities for you to seek the assistance that you need. I'm sure that both of these ladies will be glad to help you. And there are other resources as well. So, let's get into it. So, one of the things I appreciate about scripture is that um it often helps us understand our modern struggles through timeless stories. So, just like Adam and Eve. So, if we want to talk about how do we get here, we got to talk about Adam and Eve, right? That's where it all began. A lot of times we are so mad at them, right? Because they're the cause of all our problems. We blame them for everything because we're like, if they hadn't failed, we wouldn't be thinking about this. Like, you know, we wouldn't look at ourselves, we wouldn't even notice because the scripture says they had no idea that they were naked, right? Right, no idea at all. And there are some texts that um say that um Jewish texts that actually say that they were covered in a form of glory, but not um, but they were still naked, and that's why they never realized because they were created actually, and I did purposefully and say yesterday I went through this. They were actually created not just to teal the garden, but they were actually created so that they can um take care to keep and to guard it, and that was one of the major sins of Adam. He was told to guard the garden, to be a guardian over it. Like um the Garden of Eden was considered a like a um tabernacle, like a sanctuary, and that's where you get the sanctuary from when you go into um when the children of Israel gets um Moses come, gets the ten of meetings, and then you get the actual tabernacle that Solomon builds, and all of that comes from the Garden of Eden, because in that it says that it had all the three parts, right? The holies of holies and all of that, where you entered in. And Eden, it says that Adam and Eve was not placed automatically into the Garden of Eden, they had to wait a certain amount of days, the same amount of days that the men and women have to wait to go into the temple after a certain moment, you know, certain um, like when a woman has a child, she had to um wait a certain amount of days before she could go into the temple again. So all of that signifies everything that even that we do now. So we talk about him being naked, right? Like I said, they didn't know the Bible says that they were naked and felt no shame. Then sin entered the world, and all of that changed, right? They didn't look at each other, they looked at themselves and realized that they were naked. Then you get, and I may be going ahead of myself, you get to Noah, then you see the same thing, right? Because Noah sees the neck he's naked because he's gotten drunk on wine after the flood. Carolyn, Caroline, you didn't have Carolyn, you didn't have the laugh.

SPEAKER_02 11:37

I'm following you, I'm following, I promise.

SPEAKER_01 11:42

So, like I said, the first thing they noticed was themselves, they know um, and for the first time they felt exposed to shame, vulnerable, and the bodies hadn't changed overnight. Their identity, God's creation hadn't changed overnight either. It's just their perception had changed. We see the same thing because to me, I was thinking about that last night. The nakedness then, and the nakedness in Noah, and the nakedness now, because then after um the sin, they saw the nakedness, and then they were ashamed. When Noah was after he got drunk, and um his son saw him, and it was such an offense that he cursed his son, his grandson, rather. So it's a huge thing because it actually causes people to look at something. You're like, why are you looking at something that is not something that is good? Because then nakedness was no longer good, right? It was something that was considered a that represented the sin of Adam and Eve, right? So any comments? No, we totally agree. Okay, okay, so I'm just covering how do we get here. So um, so their response then was to cover themselves, and they cover themselves with fig leaves. Now, this tells me something profound that when same enters our lives, um, our instinct is often to hide. Um, so today we may not sew the fig leaves together, but we still create coverings. Sometimes we hide behind careers, degrees, um, success, perfection, religion, even social media, humor, business, or whatever. We hide behind those things just like um they Adam and Eve did when they had to sew the fig leaves together, and like Noah children did when they covered him, walked backwards and covered his sin, covered him because actually, to be honest, he was sinning too, right? Because he was drunk. So, okay, so we get into that now. Um, so sometimes the image we've carefully created for everyone else to see. Um, I recently came across a researcher compared identity to garments in the old testament. Every piece of the high priest clothing clothing symbolized something, it symbolized purity, faithfulness, um, service, holiness, and God's presence. And the garments weren't about fashion either. No, obviously not. They reflect the character, because I'm side note, I often wonder what possessed them to wear something like that. I mean, just think of wearing that big old thing on your chest like that. Now, no offense, but just think about carrying all of that on your chest like that, and the stuff was real, so you know it was heavy. But back to the show. They were really committed, you know, they were really committed, and I know they had to be hot because going over there to Israel is hot over there, but anyway, the garments weren't about fashion, they reflected the character God was calling the priest to embody. That made me wonder though. So, today, what are we wearing? And why are we wearing it? Are we wearing confidence or are we performing confidence? Are we wearing identity or hiding um insecurity? So, Carlin, when you hear that, what resonates with you? And why do go ahead? Two questions. What resonates with you, and why do people spend so much energy managing appearances instead of healing what's underneath?

SPEAKER_02 15:44

You know, I think and what I've learned and what I've even experienced myself, we don't know who we are, we don't have our secure identity and who we are in Christ Jesus. You know, going back to what you were sharing earlier with Eve, when the enemy came into the garden and approached her, he's like, you know, you can be like God. And so she wanted something more than what God had already prepared for her. God has given us this safety place, or given her this safety place. It's like you can have anything in the garden except that tree right over there. And she was like, But you know, I'm I'm curious, why can't we have that tree? And we cannot tap into that because the enemy piques our interest, it's like, hey, you can have more. And God is like, no, this is the area that I have for you, and we want more. Our appetite is way beyond what God has called for us to be, and we're not content, you know. We wear these designer labels, have all of these symbols all over our bodies, you know, unlike the high priest who really had that garment on or and that uh breastplate with all of the different um items or the jewels, because that is what God had ordained. But we're living in a place outside of what God has ordained, and our appetite is like Eve. We go out after everything that God has not called for us in our identity in Him. We're seeking identity outside of what He's called for us to be, and people are miserable, people are unhappy, they're angry, we're continually comparing. Well, she has this and He has that. I want that too. I want this too. Our appetite is beyond what God has called for us to be. I remember years ago, I I read this, um, had this Bible study. It's like, how much is enough? How much is enough? How much more can you have? I mean, uh, you know, there's this famous boxer, he's been all over social media and he has 15 uh watches and a hundred uh Porsches and Rolls Walls and all of the things. You can only drive one car at a time. You can, you know, you can maybe get on several watches on your arm more than one, but then what? Our appetite is beyond what God has called for us to be in this safe space where we want to fit in, we want to belong, we want to be part of whatever and that is outside in the world, and sometimes in religious sex as well. But we really have to get back to who we are in Christ, what has he called for us to do and be and live that. And there's nothing wrong with having nice things, definitely not saying that we can't have nice things, but do those nice things have us? Hi, little kitty cake.

SPEAKER_00 18:45

Told you he might come by.

SPEAKER_01 18:54

Okay, and I thought about what you said, but Carolyn, you are so correct, you are right because the thing about Eve, though, evidently she had no clue because of scripture says that they were created in the image of God. He created you them, male and female, he created you them, and so he created her in his image. So actually, she knew everything she needed to know. She had all of him in her, and that was to disconnect because she didn't realize that's how Satan knew that she didn't know that, so he played on that. He always does that because you are not, you are clueless to who you are supposed to be. And the thing is, God has already given us all of that in scripture, he's already said that we're fearfully and wonderfully made. And the thing is, fearfully can mean reverence, meaning he took so much time to create you, unlike anything else, he breathed himself into you, he breathed into man the breath of life, and man became a living soul. We cannot live except it be because of his breath. So, all of that is important. He gave you, and the fact you not knowing who you are is actually a serious problem to me. And the reason it's such a serious problem, and we off the script here a little bit, but it's a serious problem to me because every time somebody says your name, God is actually reminding you who you are. That's the actual prophetic word. Every time, people that what gets me, people that don't even like you are actually always reminding you who you are and how great God has called you to be. Nobody thinks about that. Good point, because the Bible clearly says every time you read a name in the Bible, it clearly states uh their name means whatever it is they were positioned to do. Moses to draw out is that's exactly what he did. That's his experiences that he um he experienced. He brought the he drew out the children of Israel. Well, first he was drawn out of the water, that's why he was named that first. She didn't even know God when she named him, but anyway, uh so because she was um Pharaoh's daughter, so she had no clue about that, right? So then he was drawn out of Egypt, into Midian, out of Midian, back into Egypt, and he drew out the children of Israel into the same wilderness that he was in. So, you know, so your name has a lot to do with what God has called you to do and who you are to him, and what people are to supposed to receive from you. So let's get back on script. So thank you, Carlin. Uh Sandrine. The next question is. Going to be for you. I want everybody watching to think about this question. Who taught you to see? Uh-oh, sorry. I skipped you Sidrain somewhere up here. Um, research also shows us that identity develops through relationships, experiences, culture, and even social media. What are some of the biggest influences shaping how people see themselves today?

SPEAKER_00 22:25

That's a heavy question. Um, I think that obviously our first connections with our you know parents or whoever raises us is fundamental. And if if our parents are already struggling with the same question, do I matter? Do I have value? Like when they're already not sure of that answer, or if they're already struggling with trying to earn their worth because they grew up not feeling worthy, then that's going to be imparted. And it's going to be this almost um like ripple effect of it's just gonna keep perpetuating itself. And so when when we as little kids learn that, oh, I have to be this way in order for mom to have time for me or to give me her attention um or for dad not to yell at me, then we already learn that it's not okay for us to be just who we are. We learn that we have to change our behavior in order to be accepted. And that that really um repeats that that lie that the enemy in the garden said, you know, because I'm like, Eve, who told you that you needed to know more? Who told you you weren't already made in the image of God? And so, like us as kids, like before we even get exposed to media, we're already learning. Well, mom and dad told me, and they're supposed to be God's representatives. And because we're in a fallen world, most humans aren't going to be perfect representatives. And so the kids grow up learning it's not okay to be who I am. And because they depend on connection, with that nakedness piece, to me, that's vulnerability. You need vulnerability in order to connect. And in the moment, from a neuroscience perspective, you need connection in order to survive. And when you're a little kid, like, because autonomy and authenticity is the other piece, God made us all unique. But in the moment, kids are gonna decide, well, it doesn't matter how unique I am if I'm not surviving through connection. So I'm gonna adjust who I am so that I can have the connection, even though then they're not really who they are. And then they have that that additional thing of like hiding, because like if they really knew who I was, they wouldn't actually like me or love me. So I think I I think we can stop right there. I mean, everything else is just adding to the insult, but that's really the core, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_01 24:58

Yeah, that's true. Because I I think I remember though the facts that um my parents were pretty good that they I learned through out who I am through them. But then at the same time, even having the parents that do teach you the right thing. There are people, like you said, around you though, that you associate with on a daily basis that's around your age that you try to fit in with. I used to try to dumb myself down because I didn't want to appear too smart to people because that was always I used to get bullied. So that was uh um something I used to do because I wanted to fit in sometimes until I got to a place where I'm like, oh well, forget y'all, I can be by myself, you know. So that is so true. That is so true. Thank you for that. So everyone watching, or that will watch or listen to this, I want you to think about this question. Who taught you how to see yourself? Was it a parent, a teacher, a bully, a coach, a spouse, social media, or was it God? Because whoever taught you how to see yourself has influenced how you move through the world, and that's where we'll pick up in the second part of this session when we talk about where are you now? And let's go there, okay? So we talked about our how our identity begins, right? We've talked about Adam and Eve, we've talked about um how our identity took shape, and we learned how many of us have been wearing fig wearing fig leaves for years. Have you been wearing fig leaves, Carlin? Have you ever worn?

SPEAKER_02 26:36

Yes, spiritually, spiritually, all of the above. Absolutely, and I think all of us have, you know, yeah. Sindrine explained it wonderfully. It's you know, those informative years that make a difference in how we move throughout the world. We don't have a great foundation, and if my parents, parents, and parents, and on the uh uh, if they don't have those foundations, then what they their insecurities fall upon us, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 27:03

They didn't look too good though. I wore them, they they were just scratchy and just awful looking. Left a whole lot of problems scratches that I man are still hell in the day, you know. So they were awful when I wore them. I don't know about User Dream, but they weren't good for me. They didn't they didn't work for my figure or anything, they didn't get good at all. I'm with you, yeah. So we've created those coverings to protect ourselves from rejection, disappointment, or shame. But let's bring this conversation into today. So the garden may seem like it's so far away, but the struggle is still here. Today is very much alive, and the difference between today's fig leaves and yesterday's kitty cat, you have anything to say? He doesn't care what everyone thinks he just is that today's fig leaves often come with Wi-Fi. So think about it. We live in a world where we're constantly being told who we should be, what we should weigh. Oh, yeah, that's often, yeah. What we should weigh is all the time, and what we should look like, how we should dress, how we should behave, and whether we're successful or not, what we should wear, and all of that. How many followers we have, and then how many followers we have tend to bother us as it relates to um our self-worth because we think people aren't following us where they don't like us. Well, maybe I need to change something, you know. So, and I think that even happens to us as um creators, people that have Facebook accounts and stuff, even as a business. Sometimes that affects us, even as um coaches, and if you're a counselor, whatever it is, um, I think it affects us as well. Um, because it really determines how successful we are in this space sometimes. It looks that way, actually. And that's the numbers of what people look at when they actually come to your um page. They're looking, I so how many followers do they have? And that really determines if I may follow you or not, maybe um how their hair is looking, because I um that's something that I pay attention to with myself. So um, how is she presenting herself, you know, and that's why a lot of people want to use AI as well, because it actually, okay, so I know me, I like things to be perfect. So if I feel as if the lighting is not correct, hey, I wonder if old Higgsville can handle this, you know. If I can put this, I hadn't tried it yet, but if I I've seen it work, if I put my video in here, then I can have these images that's gonna, you know, make it better. And so it affects everybody regardless. So um, so I've already talked about how many followers, how many of the lights determines whether something is valuable, and that's true because sometimes I used to wonder um, is what are people really listening to what I'm saying? Is it really interesting to them? And do should I continue doing it? Because I've heard a lot of different people say that as well. So we're constantly comparing our real lives to someone else's highlight reel. Recent and actually, most of the time, their highlight reel really isn't a highlight of their lives either. Most of the time, and just be truthful. A lot of us are using AI now, and it's a good thing, it's a real good thing because I love it. Um, but um oftentimes we can't just assume what we see is real because it's being shown to us. So research tells us that social media has become one of the most influential environments for identity development, especially among young adults. One study found that people who spend more time on social media tend to explore more versions of themselves, but they also spend more time questioning themselves. Think about it. More connection, more confusion, more visibility. Yet you get more security. So the more you get, the less you really get, right? So the more you get, the less um, the um less secure you feel about yourself. So more followers, yeah, often more loneliness. That's the paradox. Because all of those people on social media may be following you, but they don't follow you home. They don't follow you and talk to you on the phone. So you're still lonely regardless. So technology gives us more opportunities to present ourselves, it doesn't always help us discover ourselves, and it goes along, Sidrine, what you were saying earlier about um we were made for connection, and that's true because God created a community so that we can be a community and fellowship with one another. Because back then it was very family-oriented, right? They lived around each other, they stayed with each other and they commune commune with each other, no matter even Judah went off from his family, but he still came back. He got in a whole lot of foolishness. He came back. So they were they um built um around community. So I want to ask a question to um both of you can answer this question. Um, where do you see people struggling the most today? Is it comparison, people pleasing, um, perfection, performance, or something even deeper?

SPEAKER_00 33:09

Sandrine, you would like to go first? I have two, two. I mean, I think uh can we say all of the above? Sure. But um actually the main two that are jumping right out at me is the people pleasing and the performance. I think I think it's it's very much attached to fear as an umbrella term. Fear of, it could be fear of rejection, it could be fear of being ridiculed, it could be fear of not getting what you need, fear of all of like just whatever fear is your fear, and you can have more than one. And and I think it's connected to the shame too, of of just like, um, how how do I make sure they don't find out? Like, because if they see me the way I really am, is that gonna make or break things? So, so that's how we get into these behaviors of performance, trying to just like make sure we're perfect, we do all the right things, uh, that fear of failure. Because what does that mean? If I fail, does that mean I'm gonna be abandoned, you know, or or the people pleasings? Like I have to make sure everyone's happy with me because that's the only way I'm gonna be able to be okay if anyone else is okay with me. And so you can see it's that it's it's all the same thing, really. It's just manifesting differently about um fearing that that just being true, like actually real, um, that that could be enough. Because that's what God was saying in the garden is you're very good. That's enough. Like he didn't he didn't expect them to be more than he made them to be. And and so he like when they started hiding, it's like, well, who told you you need it to be different, right? It's that whole thing on repeat that we all have to settle for ourselves is like, do I actually believe that I am enough as I am because God's love is enough and his acceptance is enough.

SPEAKER_02 35:11

Yeah. Um to compliment what she was sharing, I totally agree. And I think what happens, at least what I've experienced in the past, is that that perfectionism or that that mask that we wear, we bring it before God. And so we project, like, okay, well, if I have to be perfect for them, I have to be perfect for God. If I put on a mask for them, I have to put on a mask for God. And that mask is keeping us from an intimate relationship with Christmas, you know, it's a barrier, and it took me a while to really figure that out. I've I've worked in corporate America, I've worked in the Fortune 100 company, and so performance was huge. And being a woman of color, that was more huge back in the 90s, telling my age, but you know, it was really huge. We had to perform. You did not get a good review, and then, of course, you didn't get a review, you can be put on probation, it can impact your finances, increasing every year, and so I carried that into my relationship with Christ. Served in ministry and church, and that was another level of performance. And so I had this mask on for years, and I woke up and you know, it's like, okay, God, where are you? And he's like, Where are you? I've been here all the time. I'm like, okay, well, what is this barrier? He's like, You've been living in this place of perfection, you've been living in this place of performance. You don't have to perform for me, you just need to accept. And it took me a while to really, you know, peel off that mask as we see in the movies, you know, they they rip it off, and you see the real you, and it's like, yeah, there's some blemishes there, and um, this part over here doesn't look great, and you know, all of those things it's like, yeah, okay, you need to go back to what you had naked but unashamed. God Sindrine said it best. She's like, Yeah, God, he knew how he made us. He knew he didn't make us perfect. He's the only one who is perfect in his son, Christ Jesus. So it's like, yeah, I'm okay with that. You're good. You're good. And so we hadn't accepted. Oh, I'm good. This this this hair, this complexion, these teeth. I'm good. You're good. You don't have to wear this mask, not with me. Okay, so it took me a while to completely now don't put on the mask. Okay, let's be real. I don't have to wear that mask anymore. I can be me and I'm loving and liking me. And I can go before the father and say, I'm a father, I don't have it together. I'm not gonna put up the mask. I'm hurting here, I'm tired here. And it's like finally, I can rest in him, I don't have to be perfect with him, I don't have to conform with him, and learning to still learning to take that mask off in social media, in my family, in my relationships. He's like, this is me. He's still conforming to the image of his soul and in his way.

SPEAKER_01 38:41

As you can tell, I'd be excited about certain things, but anyway. One thing that stood out to me though, when I was um doing some research, it was Eric Ariston's theory, and it's about identity. He said he believed that the greatest developmental changes, um, challenges, I'm sorry, that we face is answering one question. Who am I? Like you said earlier. That's a question that every person asks, whether they're 16 or 60, or whether they're 80 or 90. But here's what concerns me though. Many people spend more time asking, what do people think about me, as I said before, instead of who has God created me to be? Those are two completely different questions. So, Carolyn, again, how do you help someone separate their identity from their accomplishments? Because many people believe I if I succeed, and we all believe that most of us I'm valuable, and if I fail, then I'm a failure. And how do we break that cycle?

SPEAKER_02 39:45

You know, one of the things that came to my mind is uh Joshua 1 and 8, when God told Joshua, meditate on his word day and night, and you should have good success. When you meditate on his word, then it's good success. So I figured if there's some good success, there must be bad success. Come from meditating on his word and applying that word in your life, our identity, our purpose, our relationship ultimately is in Christ Jesus. That's first and foremost. And once we really grasp hold of that and live it every day, and it it is a process to wake up every day and live it every day. And I think that cycle breaks, but until you really start understanding your purpose, your gifts, a huge, huge teacher on spiritual gifts, understanding what your gifts are. No, my gifts are teacher and leadership, and so I can move through the world a lot easier because I don't have to compare myself to everyone else. These are my gifts, this is my calling, this is my purpose, and I'm the only one who's gonna stand before the Father on that day and give an account. He's not gonna look at like, well, so and so did this, this, this, why do you know why you didn't do what I call for you to do? So we have to understand who we are, back to the same thing, who we are in Christ Jesus, understanding how do we live out what his purpose is. And if we are to compliment others on this walk, and sometimes we walk together and sometimes we depart, it's still gonna be we're still gonna be responsible for what God called for us to do. We don't want to be like the talents where the one buried his talent, and God's like, oh, why you didn't multiply? Why didn't you increase? Well, you know, God, you know, he's not gonna accept that answer. We really have to be in a place of understanding who we are, what we're called, what God's called for us to be, and walk in our lane, not compare or look like she's much further, you know, successful, and he has the cars, whatever those cases would be. But when it comes down to it, are we where he has for us to be? Because we want to be in a place of good success.

SPEAKER_01 42:09

And that's true, because comparison has become like so normalized. We're always comparing ourselves to other people. It's just like we always say, like you just said, Carolyn, that um, well, she has this, she has the cards, and you be like it. I have said this before. Now look uh now. Um, so I don't know what the problem is, but she ain't even she just as devilish, like you just as devilish as they want to be. But our that's successful, you know. Even David said that, but then he looked at it and God said to him that just in other words, I'm gonna paraphrase it. Just because you see them doing that now doesn't mean they're gonna have it later. And you don't know what their life is like in the midst of that, and maybe they're not um the way you think they should be, but again, you don't know what their heart is like. Right, yeah, you have no idea, you don't know what the principles of God that they followed, even though they might not be may not be living the life you're living, but they probably followed the principles, and guess what? You did so you can't compare yourself to someone else, and also the same place that they are at is not the same place that you're supposed to be at. I tell my sister this all the time that whenever God has somewhere for you to be, you have to wait because He has to get other people in line and in place so that when you get there, what you need will be provided. He uses people. Do you really think he just gonna? Sit there, okay. You go on, I'm just gonna drop it from the sky. That don't always happen like that. He did that in the time of Moses. He dropped, you know, he dropped stuff down from the sky, and then so that they can eat. But then it doesn't mean that he's gonna do that now. So you have to wait so that the other people can get prepared because they're stubborn people too, that God has called to assist you. So that he has to wait for them to be obedient and to wait for their time to come for them to get in that place and your time to come as well. So any comments, Sidrine, because I think I took over your question because I asked you to start talking about it. Any comments, Sidrine?

SPEAKER_00 44:44

Yeah, I I actually think um the whole thing about success is a is an excellent question because we do need to redefine what is success, because a lot of the time we will feel like failures because we're not reaching a type of success that we actually don't have control over. Oftentimes there are things that we feel failed we're failing at because it actually required other people to make it a success. So if we redefine success into things that we actually have control over, and I would I would list that as like, I mean, you know, love God with your whole heart, mind and soul and strength, and and then love others as yourself. So it's all about learning to love yourself so you can love others. And then the question becomes, did I do this lovingly? Because then even if people hated it, I'm still successful because I I actually followed the values of God. And then and then it doesn't matter what the outcome is or how much money it put in the bank or whatever, because then the key is, did I actually follow God's spirit leading me? Not like how everybody else is doing it, not how people are even prophesying to me I should do it. I need to ask God myself, listen to him, trust that he has what I need, that I can hear him for myself, so that I don't have to go follow what other people think I should do. Because I think that's a big trap nowadays, is that we need someone else to validate and tell us what we need to do instead of getting so sure of no, I'm sensing God leading me this way. And I know that looks weird to everybody else, but I'm gonna err on the side of trusting God because he can't resist trust. You know, he loves it when we trust him, even if we might be like, you know, off a little bit, he's also happy to redirect us. And all of that, to me, that's success is to stay connected to him because that's what he always wanted, is meeting with us, walking with us. And it has it comes all the way back to you mentioning where Adam was supposed to be the guardian of the garden, right? We're supposed to be the guardian of our heart and our mind and how what we think and what we let in and what we don't. And that includes are we letting God in? Because he's a gentleman, he invites us, and then we got to decide: are we gonna let them be louder or are we gonna let him in and let him dominate like the direction our thoughts go and the things we accept and tolerate and entertain versus the things we take captive? So to me, that all of that is the success that will end up lasting into eternity. Whereas the present success, I know it's nice to have money, it's nice to have success in the world eternals, but it's it's gonna be fleeting. And then what we really care about that 100 years from now.

SPEAKER_01 47:38

Yeah, yeah, because as you grow older, the older you get, the less you care about what somebody else seems to say. Because honey, I know my mama would just say whatever she didn't care anymore. She got 60 something and 70. It was like, forget that. Look, this is what I think, and so that is so good, though. Comparison is the thief of joy, and it's also the thief of identity, and that's what we happens when we compare ourselves to someone else. Think about what if Jesus compared himself to John the Baptist, what if it could have caused him to what to move out of what God had called him to do? He might have said, Look, I want to go over here and just baptize with water instead of the uh set and um also teach my um disciples that even when I leave to just continue to do that only, but instead of baptizing not just water, but in the Holy Spirit as well after he was gone, because that's when the Holy Spirit came. What if Jesus continued on the path that um one of the priests did, right? Or one of the scribes and the Pharisees, where would we be at this moment? So the same thing is if you continue or start on the same path that somebody else is, just because it seems better, it looks good, it seems like they're successful, and it doesn't seem like you may have five followers, but they may have 3,030. That doesn't mean that you um pivot over to what they're doing because you have to stay in line and in order um in the structure that God has set for you. It's like um expecting a package to come and you're over at somebody else's house waiting on it. Now that's stupid, right? Because you know, not saying anybody's stupid, but just think about it, it's not a good decision because you know that that package requires your signature, and if you're not there, maybe they'll come one more time. But if you're not there, then the package is going to be returned to the sender. It's the same thing. If you are operating outside of what God has called you to do, and outside of what God has said you are, then you're never going to get the full experience and the blessing that comes behind what he has said for you to do. Because you wait, he ain't gonna give you somebody else's blessing, you're just over there wasting time when you could have been walking in whatever God has called you to do and doing whatever God is um doing what he told you to do, the first thing he said, instead of trying to go in somebody else's direction. So let's move on. So everyone watching, I want you to do something because see, I don't like to have a show and then you just simply listen and do absolutely nothing. That is a good you have to practice what you've been given. Okay, so everyone watching, if you're in a space, um, a um safe space, just imagine that you're standing in front of a mirror. Ask yourself these three questions. Whose voice do you hear? Is it God's voice or is it the voice of criticism, voice of rejection, the voice of your childhood, the voice of social media, failure? What is it? Because eventually the loudest voice becomes, like you say, it's the dream, the one we often believe. And the voice you need to believe, because of course he's the only one that knows better. He knows all, he sees all. He's walked through the beginning, the middle, and the end. So he knows everything. So that's the voice, the creator, the person that created you that you should be listening to. Okay, so the Bible tells us in Romans chapter 12, it says, Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove it is a good, perfect, and acceptable will of God, right? So notice something transformation doesn't begin with changing your appearance, it begins with changing your thinking, your thoughts don't change. If you're if our thoughts don't change, I'm sorry, neither will our reflection. So if I don't change how I think, I won't change what I see. Oh, I like that. Okay, we'll continue seeing ourselves through the lens of our wounds instead of through the lens of God's truth, God's word. So I'd love for each of you, and we're getting ready to go into um the next section, um, because we're down 52 minutes here, but we're getting ready to go into the next session. But I do want to ask both of you when someone is trapped in a negative self-talk, what is one practical thing that they can begin to do today to interrupt that cycle? Either one of you can answer, one of you can answer, or both of you.

SPEAKER_02 53:01

Um, I can answer. Um, and we can both answer. Um, it's the word of God. You have to, you know, combat the word, the lies of the enemy with the word of God, casting down those imaginations and everything that exhausts itself against the knowledge of God. We have to know the truth. You have to go in and study. I'm always sharing with people, it's good to know one or two scriptures, but you have to get beyond just knowing the scriptures and actually apply them, believe them. Even if when you initially start quoting the scripture and trying to memorize it, you don't believe it in your heart, keep going, keep presenting because, like you said in Romans 12 and 2, being you transform, transformation takes time. I love HGTV, you know, they have to rip down those houses because some of them are horrible, and they rip them down to the core and then they build them back up. Well, we have to rip down those lives to the core and then build back up with the word of God. Got to know the word of God, have to apply it, have to meditate on it, uh, meditate, mumble over and over and over till you start believing. It comes to my hearing and hearing by the word of God. Now I haven't heard, but hearing, hearing, hearing, hearing the word of God over and over again.

SPEAKER_00 54:19

I agree with the the word of God because of all the voices out there, including those that say they say the word of God, um, is not always reliable. So definitely going into the word of God yourself so that you read it for yourself. It's very important. But I will also, because I'm into um nervous system regulation piece of how God made us, the state of our nervous system impacts our thoughts. And sometimes it's really hard to tell our nervous system something with the English language, because the nervous system actually listens to experience sort of a show and tell. And God has given so many ways to regulate our nervous system with commands he gives, including singing. Singing activates the vagus nerve that helps regulate us. And so going into some worship songs or doing some other things that are helping the nervous system um get in the right state so that the the thoughts are then easier to actually be uh to to receive because the the emotional state has changed. So it's like when we're working with our body, not just with our mind, we can we can come at it because like renewing the mind, the mind in the Greco-Roman time involved the whole person. It didn't just involve thoughts, it involved everything. And that's why I think that it's so beautiful when we study how God made us, then we know how to best support our bodies to get along with it so that we can renew our minds in all the ways that He is telling us to.

SPEAKER_01 56:00

Okay, that's good. So now we're gonna move into the last part of this show. Um, how do we heal and move forward? We talked about how we got here and where we are now. So the real question that really matters, how do we heal and move forward? Because awareness without action is just it doesn't produce any transformation at all. And it's just useless, right? We can hear and not we can't just hear, we have to be doers of what we've heard, right? So I want to go back to the garden one last time. So Adam and Eve, we said, tried to cover themselves with fig leaves, but God didn't leave them in their own covers that they made for themselves because it wouldn't work. God knew what the what the temperature would be and how the weather would be, so the fig leaves wouldn't work, and also they wouldn't last long, right? So he the Bible tells us that God made garments for them, and that has always fascinated me because think about God making somebody garments to wear. Our first instinct is often to fit us fit ourselves, to perform better, to look better, to achieve more, to hide better. But God's response wasn't simply who exposed their shame, his response was to actually work with the restoration of it. So throughout scripture, we see that that theme was being um repeated when we look at the garments that the priest wore. Okay, so they represented holiness and service, and then Isaiah speaks of being clothed with the garments of salvation and a robe of righteousness. And in the New Testament, Paul said, encourage believers to put on compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, and ultimately put on Christ. Actually, so the message is isn't that clothing saves us, the message is that God transforms us from the inside out, and our lives begin to reflect that transformation. Healing isn't pretending that the wounds never happen, healing is refusing to actually stay in the wounds and actually let that become our identity. So, what do you think would be the way, um, Carolyn or Sandrine? Just one of you answer. Um, what are some practical habits that help people rebuild a healthy sense of self?

SPEAKER_00 58:30

I'm gonna say just stop fighting the um the shame. Like actually just just be with it. Stop fighting it. Because when you're saying the garments, you know, it's like oftentimes when people come and they they talk about how bad they feel and and and all of the things, often what other people would do to make them feel better is no, you're not that bad, or it's not, you know, all of those little placating things. And and yet what Jesus did is I I know you're in trouble. I know you need help. I know you're not enough to save yourself, but I saw the the worth in you. I was willing to pay it. I made it okay. And and so then you can come and say, Okay, God, I really do need you. It really is that bad. And you decided I'm worth saving. You decided I'm worth cleaning up and just trust that instead of running away from the shame, because that's how we stay stuck, is when we keep running away from the shame instead of saying what's true is true, and God can handle it. And if he can handle it, I can handle it.

SPEAKER_01 59:41

So, Carolyn, Carlin, I almost did it again. So, what would you say to the person right now who's like looking and they're saying, Okay, well, um I don't really believe this. I don't think that um I'm good enough, like Sedrine said. I don't really believe that I have what it takes, but that person, like I said before, over there is doing so much better than me. Wouldn't it be just better for me if I just started to be just like them? What would you say to that person in like just a few sentences?

SPEAKER_02 1:00:21

Um, first of all, you're right. You're not good enough. In ourselves, we can't be good enough. If we could have been, we wouldn't need Christ Jesus to die on the cross, be resurrected, and sit at the right hand of the Father. So, no, we're not. We have to let go of that lie. I'm trying to be good enough. We're never gonna be good enough. We have to let Jesus do his finished work and accept that for ourselves. It's a strange exchange that we give us, give him our craft and accept his glory, his peace, his joy, all of what he has done for us. Then we have to embrace. I love Psalms 139, I think it's 14. I'm fearfully and wonderfully made. This is what he said about us. Going back to our earlier conversation, we're good. We have to accept that. We're good because he made us good. Nothing of ourselves. We know all that we're filthy rags. It's his grace, his love. We have to accept that. We are fearfully and wonderfully made because he says so. And accept it.

SPEAKER_01 1:01:27

So, for those of you who are listening, if you're in a space right now, a safe space, I want you to close your eyes. Because again, we're gonna put what we've heard to action, okay? Take a deep breath. Now imagine standing in front of a mirror. Instead of focusing on what you normally criticize, ask yourself these questions. What strengths has God placed within me? What have I survived that I never thought I would? What gifts have I overlooked because I've been focused on my flaws. Sometimes we've spent so much time looking for imperfections that we've forgotten to recognize God's fingerprints on our lies. So as we close, I want to thank you, Carolyn as the Dream, for being here with us. Tell everyone before I do the last closing part, how can they get in touch with you?

SPEAKER_02 1:02:27

So again, I'm Carlin D. Henderson, the CEO of Pomena Consulting. You can contact me at pomena.com or Carlin.co for any leadership development, personal development, women in leadership intensives. Yes, I am your person.

SPEAKER_00 1:02:44

And I am at uh pursuing wholesomehealth.com is my website, also my Facebook page, and Instagram is Sundrine Hosoda, and I would love to help you with anything that that you have questions about.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:57

Okay, so as we prepare to close, like I said earlier, I want to thank both of you for being here today. I really enjoyed talking to both of you. I really have, and the cat I've enjoyed talking to you too. He's still right here. Thank you for being with us today. We really appreciate it. But I want to leave um five coaching steps as we prepare to close. I want to leave that for the audience. And these are simple steps that they can take to heal and move forward. Okay, so first recognize the story you've been believing. Every one of us has an internal narrative. Ask yourself, is it true? First, ask if it's true, because more than likely it isn't, or is it something I've learned from hurt or rejection, comparison or fear? To replace the lie with truth. Don't simply stop negative thinking, replace it instead of saying I'm not enough, begin asking, what does God say about me? So I like to say you replace the lie with the truth. So you replace whatever the devil is telling you, whatever people have been saying, and replace it with the word of God. So three, limit the mirrors that distort your identity. Pay attention to what shapes you your thinking: social media, entertainment, um, relationships, even your own inner dialogue. Not every mirror reflects the truth, and that's something that we have to learn and understand. Four, surround yourself with people who speak life. Healing rarely happens in isolation. We need people, like Sidrine said earlier. We need people who lovingly challenge us, encourage us, and remind us who we are and when we when we've actually forgot. Maybe it's by saying your name you remember who God said you are. Okay, so five, live from your identity, not your identity, not for your identity. I'm sorry. Live from your identity, not for your identity. There's a difference because many people spend their lives trying to earn worth. As believers, we live from the worth God has already given us that changes everything, doesn't it? Yeah, we're gonna we're not living from our own worth, we're living from what God has said. In other words, we're not operating in our own selves, so we're operating in the word of God. So finally, I like I said, we're closing, and I hate to close and say goodbye to y'all, but um we can't say forever. But I like for each of you to oh, finish this sentence. Healing belongs when I, Carolyn.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:53

Healing belongs when I accept who Christ says who I am.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:59

So Drine, healing um begins when I open the door to love. Okay, we're gonna end right here then. All right, thank you all for watching the Majestic Talk Show. I'm your host, Latasha Morgan, certified Christian life coach, certified professional life coach, or certified master Christian mental health coach, and a whole lot of other good, good, goodies, y'all. I enjoy talking to you again, and I hope to see you next month on the Majestic Talk Show. Good night, everybody.