Dayna Owen and Kelsey Golz take advantage of a free counseling session with FHS Student Support and Social-Emotional Learning Counselor Abygail Kinard. Listen and learn about Casel 5 SEL Competencies, what is happening in FISD for Mental Health Month, and get some free potentially life-changing parental advice.
Dayna Owen and Kelsey Golz take advantage of a free counseling session with FHS Student Support and Social-Emotional Learning Counselor Abygail Kinard. Listen and learn about Casel 5 SEL Competencies, what is happening in FISD for Mental Health Month, and get some free potentially life-changing parental advice.
Speaker 1 They came in their own containers by setting them in other containers. Speaker 2 She said. You know, if it came in box. Yes. Yes, I see. That was a guy. The woman was unpacking. Unknown All the stuff coming in and she just taking it and just thinking you could do what He came in the container to hear a. Speaker 2 Man talk through. That is probably so typical. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Um. Speaker 4 But today we're going to be talking about a central part of education and really an essential part of human development that has become more and more talked about in education than when I was in school, most certainly. And that is social emotional learning, not only the importance of how do we build these skills like awareness, resilience, persistence, empathy to our students, but how can we integrate them into our relationships with our students and frankly, just kind of everyone that we live life with. Speaker 4 So welcome. Speaker 2 Abby. Speaker 1 Great to be here. Speaker 4 Abby Kinard Welcome here. Speaker 2 And so glad. Yes, that's your first sound. At my class, we learned that we have sound effects on our podcast, so we're very excited about the class. We just let one know the. Speaker 4 Clapping and the crickets. I think they're my favorite. After I say something funny, I. Speaker 1 Like that it's actually my wake up alarm because I can't have a jarring one. Good way to ease me into wake up. Speaker 4 And is a good one is so funny when other people like I have a standard alarm sound and when some people use that as like a ring or something, it just brings up instantly this, Oh, it's time to get up. But you know, Marty, it's I'm in the middle of my day. Speaker 1 But yesterday that is a reading. Speaker 4 And it's just like you develop this cringe ness to your alarm. Oh, naturally, no matter what the sound is, I think. Speaker 5 In high school I would have like a song. Speaker 2 Play. Oh, I remember. I hate the song, right? Yes. Well, so many songs to this day. You cannot listen to some of the songs that I used to have in my life. Exactly. Speaker 4 So, Abby, I'm just going to let you start us out by unpacking social emotional learning and just kind of explaining to our listeners, to us, like what that is and what that means. Speaker 1 So social emotional. Speaker 6 Learning is. Speaker 1 Sort of this broad term. Speaker 6 For what you could. Speaker 1 Also consider soft skills, social skills, relationship. Speaker 6 Building, decision making. It's a. Speaker 1 Lot of that character. Speaker 6 Development. It really is sort of all encompassing and things that we would refer to as feelings or emotions or personal growth. Speaker 1 All of that can sort of. Speaker 6 Fall under the umbrella and it's becoming more and more important because. Speaker 1 Those soft skills with. Speaker 6 The invention of technology and cell phones and Internet, that one on one sort of interaction, it has. Speaker 1 Become less. Speaker 6 And our social. Speaker 1 Skills have sort. Speaker 6 Of lessened until, you know, with that removal of the intimate interaction. And so it's that I think there's been a big push of it because of that and because there's been more conflict in various reasons now and things like that. Speaker 4 Friendship with ASD is kind of always been known to teach character, right? And some of these fall into those character skills, wouldn't you. Speaker 1 Say? Speaker 4 Slightly, but it's just the it's the social emotional characteristics that you're kind of focusing on, like being aware and persistence. And we use the word grit a long time, you know, so like forever. But yes, so all of those are kind of interwoven into our character traits already for District. Speaker 1 Yeah. And I think there were sort of a generational. Speaker 6 Thing too, where like, you know, joking with my mom because my sister and I are always reading. Speaker 1 These books. And we used to. Speaker 6 Tease my mom for what. Speaker 1 Used to be called like self-help books. Speaker 6 And now we're like. Speaker 1 But that's the thing. Speaker 6 Is that apparently, you know, she was on the cutting edge back then that you do need to learn these. Speaker 1 Skills, You do need to. Speaker 6 Learn, and everyone could grow and be better and learn better skills with all this different stuff. And and yeah. Speaker 1 So. Speaker 6 I think that everybody's just sort of on that train now and realize the importance of personal growth being continuous and starting when you're young and learning how to solve. Speaker 1 Those problems. Speaker 6 And how it can affect your marriage and your job and everything, ultimately. Speaker 4 Relationships with exactly like people. Yes. Did your if your mom was big into that, did how to win friends and influence people, was that big up on the list? Speaker 1 Oh, absolutely. And then there's like the Starbucks leadership. Speaker 6 Yes. You know, all of those. Speaker 1 Absolutely. Speaker 4 Yep. I still am amazed. I mean, I'm not amazed. But it is interesting to me that, you know, that book was written so long ago, I think in the 1950s, maybe a little later. But how relevant it still is today. You know, in general, people enjoy talking about themselves. So if you don't have, you know, so many people are afraid to walk into a room, so like, oh, I don't know what to say. Speaker 4 And if you just learn the skill of how to ask people questions about themselves, I mean, that's a that's a skill right there that, you know, could get you through a lot of circumstances and situations. Speaker 1 Yeah. I'm trying to think of the other book. What's the other. Speaker 6 One? Seven Habits of Highly Effective CEOs. Speaker 1 Yes. Yeah. I think every country. Yes. Yeah, that's a good one. Speaker 4 So let's so on the resources page on our website, if you go under parents and students, you'll see social emotional learning. Click on that. Then you'll go to resources. And in those resources, this is the castle. And the castle has five competencies for social emotional learning. And we're just going to break those down today in the podcast and kind of talk to those talks to as parents, how we can help support that as teachers, how can we help support these competencies and make sure that they're going on in our classrooms and really just kind of take us into life with if you're a student listening, how can you use these just in daily life and Speaker 4 with your parents and with your peers and all that sort of stuff? So the five of them are social awareness, relationship skills, responsible decision making that are. Ms. one What and. Speaker 1 Social awareness initiative. Speaker 4 What in self. Speaker 5 Awareness? Speaker 1 Oh, I. Speaker 4 Didn't go down for a self-awareness, sorry, self-management, social awareness, relationship skills, responsible decision making. Those are the five. And so tell us about let's start with the very first one, just being socially aware. Speaker 1 Okay. Well, a little bit about Castle. Is there sort of the. Speaker 6 Framework for like the national framework for SEO? Speaker 1 So the. Speaker 6 U.S. government sort of said, yes. Speaker 1 This is what were the building blocks of Seattle. Speaker 6 This sort of encompasses everything. And so they're the beginning and end of all education, portions of that. And so in there we'll like they describe it as a wheel, but it also in their trainings, they'll say it adds on each other. So you start with that self-awareness. And that self-awareness. Speaker 1 Is for littles. Speaker 6 It'll be being aware of their feelings, like I am feeling angry, and that's how it starts when they're little and just that emotional awareness of and empathy, like, I think a skill that they do is they'll show them pictures of different faces and then what is this emotion? What is this person feeling? And so that is the beginning of empathy and the beginning of self-awareness. Speaker 6 And then, too, when they're older and maybe in high school where we're more like working on. Speaker 1 Well, why do you think you're so. Speaker 6 Upset by the situation and is there anything else going on with you right now and realizing sort of what dictates that their behavior and how their feelings affect them and how to use that in positive or negative ways and things like. Speaker 1 That? Speaker 4 So and it's and it basically says being self-aware, we hear about those. They're always, you know, when we think about people who aren't self-aware, we hear about or think about those that are always talking or their story toppers, or they'll say something that, you know, kind of make you cringe. But one of the things I was thinking about is another form of not really being self-aware is those who don't contribute to a conversation at all. Speaker 4 It's like quite the opposite, you know, It's like they almost are uninterested in the conversation and they don't know how to build those social skills with other people not having anything to say or not making any effort like they may just be on their phone. You know, if a topic gets strange or if they don't know how to contribute, contribute, they'll pull out that phone and just, you know, kind of look at their phone and not contribute. Speaker 4 So what all of those things would you say that's pretty right on with being kind of self-aware? Speaker 1 Oh, yes. Speaker 6 Realizing and realizing your mannerisms like, you know, something that may be perceived as sort of a different trait that people might find offputting and that you've always done and didn't realize. Speaker 1 I think a good example is until. Speaker 6 College, I didn't realize that my friends from California, I'll just preface that and certain. Speaker 1 Social rules are a. Speaker 6 Little bit different. Speaker 4 And so you mean like from being in Texas? Is that what you mean by be a little different? Speaker 6 Okay, So then I moved in with my roommate who's, you know, Texan. Gotcha. And there were certain rules that I didn't know, and she thought I was very, like, almost rude in certain ways. And so it's. Speaker 1 Just that sort of social. Speaker 6 Or self awareness to her until she is like. Speaker 1 Hey. Speaker 6 You know, you're supposed. Speaker 1 To hold these doors. Speaker 6 Open for a longer time and you should do this. Speaker 1 And sometimes you do this. And I was like, Oh, what? And like, she's like, Oh, huh. And there are several different examples of that where she was like, Hmm, I don't think you mean it this way. But so. Speaker 6 Again, constantly growing and you don't realize cultural differences and you might think something's very. Speaker 1 Polite and it's not actually very polite. Speaker 6 Or you might consider something intrusive. Speaker 1 Or overly friendly. Speaker 6 And so just being able to read your environment and be. Speaker 1 Self aware of if you're different than maybe these other people that are around too. Speaker 5 So I remember whenever I went to Germany, so we had a foreign exchange student when I was in high school and I had gone to visit her for three weeks. It was amazing. And I remember a smiley person and so and I wave and say hi to a lot of people. Like if I'm passing them on the street, like, I that's just what I do. Speaker 5 And I would get the strangest looks back. And she finally said to me, she's like, You've got to stop doing that. They think you want something from them. Speaker 2 Like you need to stop. Speaker 5 Being overly friendly. Like they're they're immediately questioning like you're going to pull them and want something from them. Speaker 4 Like you're like, you're a salesman. Speaker 2 I guess So it was so funny. Speaker 5 But anyway, and and when you had said about the storage hoppers, have you all seen it was like a SNL skit? Speaker 2 I don't remember. Speaker 4 What it was. Kristen Wiig Yes, it was. Kristen Wiig. Speaker 2 Yes. Speaker 5 She's like, Oh, that's great. I actually went to climb Mount Everest. Speaker 2 That's like, It's funny. It does. I have whatever one cat and she's like, Oh, yeah, I have to go. Yeah, I have to actually. I actually don't kind of talk like that. Speaker 5 Actually, I'm sort of me. I don't I. Speaker 2 Don't think we always do that. We know those people down. You just kind of think about those kids and go, okay. Speaker 5 Well, that's what you've said before. As you look at people. Speaker 2 They're all part of it. And I do. Speaker 4 That's why I like most people. I just think we're so quirky in our own. Speaker 2 Yes. Speaker 4 And somebody oh, he annoys me the way he and I'm just like. Speaker 2 He's just like a little. Speaker 4 Kid. Like, if you see him as a little kid, yes, he is a grown adult. But if you just see him as a little kid. Speaker 2 Then you just kind of giggle at it instead. Speaker 4 Of let it upset you or not you, you know, sort of thing. We all our Saturday Night Live skit in our own way. Speaker 1 Well, I think that's what makes it funny, right, is that it's relatable. Speaker 6 And, you. Speaker 1 Know, like the story toppers and things like that. And then, you know, to realize that when it comes to self-awareness, that that's a skill, that it's a skill or that you either didn't learn or you missed or. Speaker 6 You just haven't been. Speaker 1 Calibrated by an external force yet. Yeah. Which, you know, thank goodness we have people who will calibrate. Speaker 6 Us when we've been ridiculous. And, you know. Speaker 1 One of the best collaborators is the kids, right? Because they're going to tell you if you look like a hot mess at work that day and be relentless like, you know, and they'll let you know. And so I think that it's important for us to be self aware and with our students. Speaker 6 Because, you know, they'll let you know and. Speaker 5 They will humble you. Speaker 2 Real quick. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know. Speaker 4 You know what behavior has come to light that would fall under this are Karens I can not get over the number of videos of women my age that feel the need to boss people into doing things that like it's like stay in your lane. Like that's none of your business. Yes, I'm really shocked at the number of videos that I see of typically white women who are in their forties or fifties. Speaker 4 Yeah. Who are like, knock on people's windows and have them roll down the windows and say, Do you live in this neighborhood your car's been outside for? And they're like, maybe a plumber or like they're waiting for the person to get home. And I'm like, Who would do that? It just, I mean, we could. Speaker 1 Cause a lot of examples overboard people who are bored. Well, and that falls under. Speaker 6 You know, that falls under the next one, which is like self management and being able to regulate your emotions and regulate your emotions towards. Speaker 1 People. So just because that's. Speaker 6 Irritating to you and it doesn't fall under your. Speaker 1 List of rules for social interaction doesn't mean that it's up to you to make that correction. Yes. Speaker 2 So how do you. Okay, so society's. Speaker 4 In the way of I love the way you just worded that. So guidance in the way of let's say I have some caring behaviors now. Speaker 2 How would you. Speaker 4 Like what what do I need to hear in my head that would stop me from correcting behavior? Like, for instance, I work with someone that stirs his tea over and over and over and over and over. Hold on. I'm going to take you through my pain. And over and over and over and over. Noted that I think, think, think, think, think, think, think. Speaker 4 Because he says that melts the sugar when you start like that. And it's everything I can do to not grab the glass and just like. Speaker 2 Throw it I could just all oh I've actually heard about this concern many times. So it's quite a sorry, it just struck me first. Speaker 4 So tell me, tell me I need help. Abby, How can I see a red flag in my head and go, Dana, that is not something you need to try to stay in your own life. Speaker 1 So you could start by asking your self the question, like, Is it really hurting me even if it feels like it is right? It seems like it is like, okay. And then what can I do to make this less painful for myself? Speaker 6 So maybe as headphones, maybe you take a. Speaker 1 Walk during peak time. Speaker 4 Right now it might be actually getting up on the table. Speaker 1 You know, you could buy. Speaker 6 Him a baby spoon that doesn't clank. Speaker 1 That's rubber, you know, I think so. You could give him new. Speaker 6 Spoons and be like. Speaker 1 I just thought you'd really like these. Speaker 2 Spoons. Speaker 1 And, you know, it's sort of a nicer gesture, you know, It's sort of. Speaker 6 Like, you know. Speaker 1 If you buy someone cologne because maybe they should wear cologne. It's like a nicer thing then like, you smell foul, you know. Speaker 2 Like it's so so those would all be, you know, steps. Speaker 1 To take. And you could ask, you know, like, oh, okay. Have you ever noticed that that's sort of a loud sound and see if it makes them more self-aware of their habit because maybe they don't want to annoy you. Right. And we don't make them self-conscious either. Speaker 6 But maybe, you know, that. Speaker 1 That a teaspoon. Speaker 6 Mixer. Speaker 1 Makes a clink. Speaker 4 That's a good point. And sometimes we need to presume positive intent. Speaker 1 Presume positive. There we go. Absolutely. Speaker 4 Yeah. That they're not against me and they're wanting to hurt me. I don't. Speaker 5 Know. That Spoon woke up and chose violence. Speaker 2 Based on this story. You know. Speaker 4 I'm telling you so hard. But that's good. It's it's just important to not always feel like you always have to share your opinion and everything that you think we we do seem to be a society and social media that people seem to think that their opinion and I'm one because I always have an opinion on things. You don't always have to share it. Speaker 2 Exactly. Speaker 6 Boredom and apathy are still. Speaker 1 Options like. Speaker 6 This, and they might even be good for you to be bored occasionally and just sit in your boredom occasionally. And you know, apathy is a harder. Speaker 1 Word for it. But there can just be things you don't have an opinion on, and it's. Speaker 6 Also not good to have an opinion on everything because then you're elevating your basal state of arousal all of the time, because then it's. Speaker 1 Like, Oh my gosh, I'm missing the wheels. Oh my gosh, they harmed the whales. And then. Speaker 6 You know, it's the next thing and be like, I cannot believe that lady did not. Speaker 1 Return her car at Target, which is a pet peeve of mine. Speaker 6 In the cars. Speaker 4 Yes. Return the to use a cart. Return the cart. It's really not a long walk from your car. It may seem like a long walk, but it's not a long walk. Just take the car back where it belongs. Speaker 6 So we can just say that in the podcast here. But I didn't have to go up to her and say, You didn't put. Speaker 1 Your card back right? I could have just put the cart back for. Speaker 6 Her and then we can talk about it here and remind people that. Speaker 1 Your cards. Speaker 2 Back. You know. Speaker 5 I've actually had this. That's a big pet peeve of mine, too, especially I have literally seen people where the cart return is right next to where they are parked. And there was see, this may not have been maybe I needed some more self management on this incident, but I was waiting for my sister in the car and someone did that like someone just threw his cart, whatever and did not put it up. Speaker 5 And so while he was still there, I got out of the car and I grabbed his cart and looked at him the whole time. Speaker 2 While I put it back. That's another thing. As you did it, you did it. Speaker 1 Maybe he learned his lesson. Speaker 2 You know. I showed him, right? Speaker 1 You provided him with a learning experience. There's a teachable. Speaker 2 Moment. I'll just throw these like this. Where? Yeah, exactly. Yep. Speaker 4 Saturate this podcast with a bunch of. Yeah. And I also think it's good I need to get off this topic. But as you're walking into the store, if you see someone done with their cart, just say, Can I take that for you? Will you not amazed by the people that'll just walk by who are going to the store. Speaker 4 I get it now with Kobe, they might not want to touch what you just touched, but. Speaker 2 Yeah, that's also. Speaker 4 A nice little thing to. Speaker 1 Do. I love it when people do that. Speaker 6 To me and they're like. Speaker 1 I'll take your cart and Yeah. Speaker 2 Oh, nice. Yes. Speaker 4 So you have recently taken Abbey Resilience Training now, are you done? You said it was like 16 hours, right? Speaker 1 Yes, it was two full days. Speaker 4 It was two full days. Okay. So it's not like you have more resilience training to go through now. Speaker 1 I'm sure before the day before things are done. But yes, this particular one was only two days. Speaker 4 Yeah. So tell us about the resilience training. Speaker 6 Oh, my. Speaker 1 Gosh. Speaker 6 So it's Dr. Carolyn Schiraldi and we did it through the Crisis Incident Management System. Speaker 1 And he. Speaker 6 Did a two day training and he is a resiliency expert and consultant for the Pentagon. He himself graduated from West Point and he just talked about how the government's putting all of this money in to helping prevent PTSD and soldiers and I say prevent loosely meaning giving it. Speaker 1 Skills for. Speaker 6 Those immediate traumatic incidents that you could overcome with time. And this isn't like an instance where you can teach techniques that prevent trauma from. Speaker 1 Death or torture. Speaker 6 Or something like. Speaker 1 That, but that. Speaker 6 You can prepare yourself in the middle of those really abrupt events and have those skills like training for anything, right? Training the same way that they would train them to shoot. They're training them to be able to adapt to that sort of abrupt emotional trauma. And it just it was fascinating. All that was fascinating. And I was just talking about this in the counselor meeting. Speaker 6 They called different things like tactical breathing, you know, very military terms, which. Speaker 1 I thought were very. Speaker 6 Interesting. Speaker 1 And, you know, your loved ones are resources. And those things. Speaker 4 Still make you feel like a man, but you're still growing at the same time. Oh, yeah. Reaching for those soft skills. Speaker 1 Yes, it was it was a very structured, you know, considering most of it was skills based. Speaker 6 And these meditations and these different techniques. And it was really just fantastic. And they talked about just different things in your how you can have a quality life and there's this inventory on things you need to do for yourself to help really manage your emotions. And if you, you know, Jim Carey actually said that and he's the one I always remember this and I quote him to kids all the time is he says depression is real. Speaker 6 It's a very, very real thing. But you need to ask yourself, did you get enough sunlight? Have you interacted with loved ones? Did you eat a healthy meal? Did you get enough. Speaker 1 Rest. Speaker 6 And have you drink enough water today? If you haven't done any of those things or you're missing one, you're not setting yourself. Speaker 1 Up. Speaker 6 To answer the question Are you depressed. Speaker 2 Or not? Mm. Mm hmm. Speaker 4 That's good. Those are good. Those are in sleep. You know, that's one of the ones that I feel like maybe adults also, but I feel like kids are missing out on that a little bit. Like, I don't know that they because they're sleep deprived, but they still get up, they still go to school. They may feel down or sad, but they're still going to all their classes and they're still making decent grades, like how do you, you know, kind of talk through somewhat. Speaker 4 But they may feel sad or depressed or really stressed or anxious. MM It's it's, you know, how do you convince a kid that sleep and not just 5 hours of sleep, but there's actually a certain amount of sleep. Speaker 1 That you're required. Right. Right. Speaker 6 Absolutely. And in the resiliency training he was talking about that that that's something that they feel that over and over is they were taking the average amount of time that the soldier slept and it's like five and a half hours. And then they were measuring their performance and their brainwaves and stuff. And your brain functions like 50% less on six. Speaker 1 Or less hours of sleep. Speaker 4 Wow. Speaker 6 Even if you feel like you've mastered it, as most people do, right, I can function fine. Speaker 1 I'll 5 hours of sleep. I will. Speaker 6 Not. You can function fine, but maybe you are functioning so much higher than everybody else. And it brought you down to, you know, and so to you it feels fine. But as far as like a measure of your capacity, it's not. And so I think that there's a lot of that. And I, I feel for kids and they feel like they hear, oh, you're young, it's fine. Speaker 6 Like you can make it. Speaker 1 You're not. Speaker 6 But their brain hasn't grown yet. Like it's still growing, their muscles are growing. And so they do actually very much need that sleep and and it was it was interesting to hear him really emphasizing sleep and sort of how the military's taking that. Speaker 1 Because haven't we all watched. Speaker 6 Those military movies where they're like, oh, my gosh, you stay up for three days and you're drilling and blah, blah, and then they're finding out that that actually makes their soldiers far less resilient. Speaker 1 So sleep is is definitely important. Speaker 6 Probably one of the keystones. Speaker 4 In self management is, you know, and you were saying these build on each other. So being self-aware and then being able to manage your life as far as setting goals, managing your stress and demonstrating kind of resilience, those are the those are the the characteristics of that self-management. Speaker 6 Well, yes. And self-management is so difficult, you know, considering it's it does build and it's sort of that second one we do. But how hard is it to build when you're really, really angry and you want to like, manage that? And so when you're managing those really intense emotions or when you're really upset, or if your kids, if they're going through. Speaker 1 That first breakup, how do. Speaker 6 They manage this entirely new, very like, intense feeling. And I think that a lot of the verbiage around mental health lately has been very intense and like, traumatic, like it's you have anxiety. So everyone's self diagnosing with the anxiety disorder is a diagnosis, right? I have anxiety not I'm I'm anxious about this or I'm experiencing anxiety. And lots of people do have anxiety. Speaker 1 But. Speaker 6 You know, everybody self diagnosing in that way and going to that extreme, you know, can be harmful. And and so we see that. And I was saying that I had done that. I caught myself doing that. And the I had been very upset about something. And it was something that was a normal human reaction to be upset. And I cried about it. Speaker 6 And then I went on with my day, you know, when after I got home and I, I explained it to my husband was like, oh, you know, I had a breakdown today. And he raised an eyebrow and was like, Oh, you want to want. Speaker 1 Like a breakdown? I was like, Oh my gosh, I had just heard that. Speaker 6 Come out of my mouth. No, I had a very normal human reaction to something that made me upset and now I'm fine. Speaker 1 But thank you for calling and so. Speaker 6 I think we get tempted to say that like I had a nervous breakdown or I had an anxiety attack or a panic attack or whatever, and sometimes it is, but we've now normalized those words in everyday conversation and we're using them as exaggeration. Speaker 2 Mm hmm. Speaker 6 And so intern the student like you, a lot of the kids. Speaker 1 Are as well. And so there is a TED talk where the guy talked about that. He's like, let's just be less. Speaker 2 Mm hmm. Speaker 6 And I thought that was fascinating. Speaker 1 Because he just said, be be less. Speaker 6 You know, it doesn't have to be the end of the world. It doesn't have to be a breakdown. You don't have to be burnt out. You could just not like your job right? Speaker 2 But you can be sad. Speaker 4 You could be sad, but not maybe depressed. Speaker 1 Yeah, right. Speaker 4 Or you could be anxious, but not necessarily having anxiety. Speaker 5 Yeah. And I remember like because anxiety is a big thing in my my family and something I've dealt with. And I remember like really one of my first major experiences with it and my dad kind of talking me through and he said, you know, there's there's things it's like, I don't know if this is the right, you're probably going to correct all this, but basically there's normal anxiety things that it's normal to be anxious about. Speaker 5 And then there's things that are without reason and the things that are without reason to feel anxious over. Pretty much that's when, you know, it's like, which is what I had started to experience. And so that's when, you know, okay, I may need to go in and and talk to somebody. And I think that's a huge like even like with myself knowing that I have those unreasonable moments, but like also being able to distinguish the moments that are like, Oh, no, this is like, this is normal. Speaker 5 This is a normal thing that anybody else would get anxious over. Speaker 2 Absolutely. And then I. Speaker 5 Think to it, when people start to label things like you're talking about these extremes is. Speaker 1 You work. Speaker 5 Yourself up. Even more in doing that. Speaker 1 Absolutely. Absolutely. Speaker 5 Yeah. Speaker 6 And there is this lady and I can't remember her name at the moment, but she has a YouTube video series where she just does like quick therapy blurbs and they're brilliant. And she did one where she says, you know, with the absence of actual lethal threats in our lives, what. Speaker 1 What is. Speaker 6 The most lethal thing to us right now, to. Speaker 1 Our career or whatever? Speaker 6 And it made me think of testing society in a totally different way, like, what is the worst thing that that. Speaker 1 Child could probably. Speaker 6 Experience as far as like a threat to. Speaker 1 Their life. Speaker 6 Right? Is it your S.A.T.? Is it all of these things? And when you freeze it, like. Speaker 1 That's like, oh, okay. Speaker 6 And then things. So their brain is developed to see threats as tigers or lions or something that's going to kill them. So their body is reacting as if that test is a lethal threat. Speaker 2 Yep. Speaker 6 And really, the number one way to get over that is to keep doing it until your brain realizes the test won't kill them, you know, and and so like and that's part of what we talk to kids about sometimes is saying like, hey, they like it because they really can grasp on to that. Like, hey, your brain has decided that this is a tiger that's going to maul you and you're trying to run away from it or fight it as. Speaker 1 Much as possible. Yes. Speaker 6 So it's not a tiger, but it is a threat. So let's adjust that. And that's a very helpful technique, is validating that the kid feels like this is very extreme. Right. And and then sort of coaching them through it and helping them expose and be like, hey, it's going to be really uncomfortable for the next few times, but we're going to make it through it and it'll. Speaker 1 Become a little less uncomfortable. Speaker 6 You know, hopefully over time. And I think one of the things that we've realized in that vein, just with self management and different things, is I was listening to elementary. Speaker 1 Or two parents with little kids. Speaker 6 And they were talking about the littles and they were saying, well, you know, they just they're having those big feelings and they're having these tantrums and it's the first time. Right. And that's something we say about. Speaker 1 Toddlers. Speaker 6 While tantrums, temper tantrums or them having those big feelings. And I feel partial because I work with teenagers. And so. Speaker 1 I have absorbed. Speaker 6 That term and I'm just like. Speaker 1 But this is. Speaker 6 The first time they felt heartbreak. So they're experiencing those big feelings and and they don't know what to do with them. You know, they're experiencing, you know, maybe intimate love, different things like that. I was like, this is very traumatic and new and we have to pad them sort of the same way we would a toddler or not pad them, but give them grace. Speaker 2 Yes. Speaker 4 You I had heard you talk about previously that you cannot have. Was it anxiety and gratitude? What was the what was the word that you cannot have both in the same space? Speaker 6 You can't your brain cannot process gratitude and anxiety at the same time. Speaker 4 Okay. So then one of those one of those strategies, when you're becoming anxious or overwhelmed in this situation, you would say, is to is so what? What do you do with that gratitude? Speaker 6 You practice it about anything. So say you're worried about bills or you just got like it was something you really don't want to pay and it's stressing you out and you know, then you think, okay, I've prepared for this or you know, I'm grateful that we thought about this and we have this support. Speaker 1 Or during. Speaker 6 COVID, you know, when it was stressful, we were thinking, well, we have each other and we're in our home and we are very fortunate to be in this home together and just sort of whatever it applies to thinking about how fortunate you are in your moment. And something has everybody has something to be grateful for. And even in your worst moment, it's like, okay, but I've got you or I, but I'm still healthy and I've got air in my lungs and that, okay? Speaker 6 And it comes you down pretty much immediately. If you can. Speaker 1 Pick out those things that really you feel grateful. Speaker 6 About and reminding yourself that you do have more than you're anxious, mind is telling you. Speaker 2 You do. Speaker 4 So there are students that struggle with, you know, one of the things that we know as educators is they don't want to go to school, so then they will somehow convince themselves and their parents that they don't they don't have to go to school today. And then, you know, I kind of like hear your thought or talk about exposure or continuing to do it, even though it's stressful or upsetting it. Speaker 4 That kind of lends itself to the same thing. So if I get up in the morning and I have anxiety or if I just I'm stressed about something, I don't want to go to school, then if you don't go to school, then that can build. You know, it's like, where does that end? Speaker 6 Yes. The more you you know, I tell a story about my AP used to work for and she said that, you know, that she had gone through a traumatic thing and gone through some depression. She's like, But, you know, there's a difference between giving yourself a one day, but then if you let it keep going, then it just builds and then you make up excuses for why you're giving yourself another break and why you're giving yourself another break. Speaker 6 And you know that all of that makes sense for someone who's pretty like neurotypical, meaning your average Joe, who experiences anxiety or grief and a way to prevent them from going down, you know, a further path. Speaker 1 Or your. Speaker 6 Average student who is wanting to. Speaker 1 Refuse school. Speaker 6 Right. You know that. So I don't want to intervene with necessarily a student who has been very clinically like diagnosed with something. This is advice for those students that are starting to refuse, and it's important to push them those first few days and let us know like we will, you know, if your kids are refusing and you're going to pull them out and bring them in their pajamas, like let the counselor know, let the administration staff know and we will compassionately help them. Speaker 1 With that process. Speaker 6 But the students that really buckle down and go through some gradual exposure, they they do way better. And it doesn't mean it's going to be comfortable. It doesn't mean they won't kick and scream. It doesn't mean anything. And maybe it's just one period that first day. You know, it is gradual, but and helping them feel safe in that moment. Speaker 6 So once they cross the threshold and then just helping them feel safe and gradually it does get better, pretty much always, if it's really done. Has it should be. Speaker 2 Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Speaker 4 I do like that idea, if you would, that I don't know that I would have necessarily thought about that. That I'm having a hard time getting my kid up out of bed and into the school. You know, I've read that One way to break that habit is you literally. Then you bring them in their pajamas, and it may be embarrassing for them. Speaker 4 And but just like there has to be consequences to, you know, their decision. But I loved what you said. Okay. Call the counselor. Make sure the counselor is aware that this is your plan. Talk it through, you know, kind of as a team. And then counselors would be there to support that. You know, we have to be in school. Speaker 4 And these are the consequences if you, you know, oversleep or you stay up too late and then you're really tired in the morning. But I love that. Reach out to your counselor and kind of make a plan with your counselor. So then they'll be supported at school. Speaker 1 Oh, absolutely. Speaker 6 We we need to be a team, you know, And I think that there's been a huge push with ACL for. Speaker 1 All school. Speaker 6 Personnel to be a team. So the teacher, the AP, the SRO. Speaker 1 We're all. Speaker 6 A team and we're all working for this student. And so having parents be such an active part of that team and having us communicate in them, say, Hey, they're struggling with anxiety and we learned these skills. Could you help us reinforce this with them? Speaker 1 Well, of course. And of course, that's the most beneficial practice because they're with us for 8 hours a day. Yeah. Speaker 6 So we don't want them to lose these skills. We want to be able to enforce that and make sure that the student, you know, makes progress sooner rather than later. Right. And as best we can. Speaker 4 That's that's one of the things that I love about a standard based teaching and learning that they're doing right now at such an early age in grade, is having kids walk through what their goals are. They're choosing their goals and their setting. Oh, this week I need to learn more about this and I don't feel like I've grasp that yet, so I'm going to continue to work on that or I think I earned a two and I really need more work to be a three. Speaker 4 And the teacher could say I agree. Or Wow, I have to tell you, I thought you were a three and you were giving yourself a two. Maybe you're being too hard on yourself. It's just I love that kids, we're starting kids at a really young age to see that it's so much more about the grade. It's talking yourself through your goals and. Speaker 5 And it's self-awareness. Speaker 1 Right? Yes, Right. Speaker 5 That self-awareness. And like, we met with kids and it was I mean, I was blown away by some of those conversations that we had with second graders. Yeah. Wow. And they are able to explain each little, I guess, like metric but. Speaker 1 Like a goal, right? Speaker 5 Goals and they would call them glows in. Speaker 1 GROSS Yes. Oh, these are. Speaker 5 The things that I'm glowing with that I feel like I'm I've mastered or I know a lot about and I've demonstrated I know a lot about this. And these are my grows, the things that I can continue working on. Speaker 2 And I. Speaker 5 Left those conversations, like those kids. Speaker 2 Are more. Speaker 5 Self-aware than a lot of adults. I mean, seriously, just in that practice like it was, it was amazing to watch. Speaker 6 Now, that sounds phenomenal because then they'll only grow in their self awareness. Then that will make an adult who is going to say, Hey, I don't understand the expectation on this project. I feel like I need more support. And, you know, that's what we ultimately want from contributing adults as well. Speaker 1 Or Hey. Speaker 6 This is my strength, but I need someone, a team member who has the strength in this. Speaker 1 Area or what have you. Speaker 4 And we do see I mean, the fact that they can see growth as a positive and not a she gave me a two hold on you. They walked through that. I earned the two. Yes. And I need to grow a little bit more in this. It's like. Speaker 2 Oh, it's amazing. Speaker 4 It's like it's like if the kid said, I got a two and I need some growth, they would hear. Unknown That's what they need to hear in their. Speaker 4 Head. Like, yes, I just grew know. Speaker 2 You know. Speaker 1 Yeah, yeah. Instead of I failed, I got place for failure. Speaker 6 I did poorly here. She gave me this grade. Right. That total mindset shift mindset. Speaker 1 Shift. Speaker 6 Of taking ownership of your own learning. Speaker 2 Yes, I love that. Speaker 5 I think that's really why, like, they've they've been calling us. This is taking ownership of your own learning. And then I think like just something I think is just amazing thing is because I was that perfectionist kid to. Speaker 2 A tee. Speaker 5 And I think later on, like if I if I had more struggles, like it was like the first time I was experiencing that in school and so it was harder to handle. But then I really grew to a point where it's like, no, it's okay to admit, like whenever you're not understanding something fully, because if you ask a question, because I would never I would have never asked a question, never would have raised my hand in high school and asked the question if I didn't understand something. Speaker 5 I think a lot of times it was that fear of people are going to think I'm dumb, especially being like dumb blind, you know? And when I got to college, it was just kind of finding that confidence of like, okay, you know, you're not dumb. So wouldn't you rather leave here because you're going to be pursuing this field as a career, understanding the material. Speaker 2 So you can apply it. Speaker 5 And even like in like when Dana and I partner on things like their stuff, I mean, I will I will say she is so much stronger in certain fields. And so being able to say, hey, like Photoshop, we took a Photoshop class because I would say design is not my is not my natural strength, but it's like, okay, even if it's not something that comes naturally, how can I learn from her? Speaker 5 How can I learn from these other people who do this on a daily to be able to grow that? And it may still not be easy, but it's gotten easier. It's gotten better since pursuing that. So I think it's like as an adult, you've got to constantly be evaluating yourself, too. And especially in a field like ours, which is constant changing with the changing of technology, it's like you've got to be willing to admit when you're maybe not fully equipped at a moment to tackle something, but also be willing to humble yourself and and learn. Speaker 6 You know, that reminds me of a story. We were just out of town and we had an Uber driver and he was talking to us about how he was a lawyer. But now that he's older, he doesn't understand computers and he doesn't want to be a he stopped being a lawyer like five or six years ago. Speaker 1 Because of all. Speaker 6 The computer demands. And my husband asked, he's like, Well, why wouldn't he? Speaker 1 He asked for help with the computers or. Speaker 6 Take a computer. Speaker 1 Class. Yeah, well, that that's that's what we're talking. Speaker 6 About then, right? That there are some adults that, you know, when they get to a certain point are like, okay, I don't know this. Speaker 1 Yeah, I don't have this. Speaker 6 And that's where it stops. Speaker 1 Yeah. Speaker 6 And so this sort of learning is so exciting because it does it eliminates that fixed mindset of what you're capable of. Speaker 5 Yes. Speaker 4 Right. And thank goodness education is moving a lot more towards, you know, working in teams and groups. And you you're not going to be especially an expert in every field. You will have strengths that other people in your group may not have. And it's knowing those strengths and weaknesses to say, hey, I need someone that can help me in this because I struggle with this and they're strong in that, you know? Speaker 4 Yeah, that's what that's what work is, you know. Speaker 1 That's what you do. Speaker 5 An awareness like, I mean, we were both athletes too, and like, I had this experience in college. I know I've talked to Dana about it several times, but it was the most baffling thing to me watching of my teammates who came in and immediately thought, oh, well, I was the best of my high school. So I'm I'm I don't have to earn a spot. Speaker 5 I should just have the spot. And they would get mad when they wouldn't play or they would get pulled after hitting the ball in the net five times in a row. And I'm thinking you should run board three times back. But just that lack of awareness of like you're you not being aware of your situation is ultimately hurting our entire team because now then you get frustrated and you sit on the sideline and criticize the people who are stronger or performing better, at least in that moment. Speaker 5 And it was just it was mind boggling to me that people in college behaved like that. But really, there's so many adults who behave like that. Speaker 6 Right. And that's you know, that sort of ties in to that sort of like social awareness. Speaker 1 Part. Speaker 6 Where it's being able to understand your role in relation to other people and see their strengths and empathize, empathize with what they can do and what you can contribute. And that. So once you've hit that self awareness and once you've managed your emotions, then sort of what does that mean when you're contributing to the team and are you able to assess yourself in relation to others and respected their strength as being more than your strength without seeing it as a threat to your own? Speaker 1 Yes. Self-perception. Right, Right. So that's that's a real tough one. Speaker 4 Um, and which really leads us into the next one, which is social awareness, including the ability to influence, empathize and take the perspective of others from similar and diverse backgrounds. Mhm. So what are some examples of do you see of that as being socially aware. Like what are some things that we need to know, to build that skill or that competency? Speaker 6 So that's when we have those, those that teamwork with the team building with the students and to build that it's giving them social situations and letting them sort it out. You know, if you see your child in a conflict, a reasonable conflict with another child, letting them sort. Speaker 1 It out. Speaker 6 And then coming in after the fact, like if you don't think it went in a way that was beneficial. Speaker 1 Or whatever. Speaker 6 And talking to your student or your child and saying, hey, you know, I noticed this, why did this happen? And can you explain to me the conversation you had? My mom did it recently with my niece, like she saw them get in a conflict at a library play day. And he kept taking her thing and they were resolving it. Speaker 6 And I don't remember the ending of it, but I remember she told me she's like, we took her aside and said, Why did you let him take it? And because they may have a. Speaker 1 Perfectly logical, very. Speaker 6 Compassionate reason and it may look like a more. Speaker 1 Right. Speaker 6 Conflict based thing than you think it is. And so it's just letting them explore those interactions instead of coming to the rescue all the time. Because we can. Right. And maybe your student or child will stand up for themselves. Maybe they will tell them no. Maybe they'll stand up for the other student, you know, and sort of letting them experience that. Speaker 6 And if they do it poorly, gently correcting and showing them what a good environment can look like. And we we interact with that a lot at the high school in the sense of helping them be. Speaker 1 Aware of what. Speaker 6 They did to maybe make a friend group upset. Speaker 1 Or how. Speaker 6 The friend may have perceived something. And that. Speaker 1 Becomes. Speaker 6 More complex when you enter in certain certain different diagnoses. Speaker 1 As well. Speaker 6 And so like we see that a lot with when we're helping autistic children and sort of helping them with the social awareness, that's a big piece. And so when we're teaching social skills, they'll see something very literally. And it's. Speaker 1 Beautiful to. Speaker 6 Explain to an autistic student or someone who has autism spectrum disorder and then them realizing like. Speaker 1 Oh. Speaker 6 I thought about it this way, and then they can articulate that. And it's really, really nice to see the other kids be able to empathize and be compassionate back. And because the student will say, Hey, you said this. And I thought it meant this, I don't understand why you added this extra context. Speaker 1 And then they're like, Oh. Speaker 6 And they realize they transferred all. Speaker 1 Of their own. Speaker 6 Like double meanings to. Speaker 1 Things. Speaker 4 And I think it's one of the things that we see more and more with with kids students today is the inability to hear things that may upset them and have a conversation about it. I know one of the the things that strategies that Cory Truman and Melissa Stephenson teach in their class is they pick a subject matter that they believe in and they have to argue the opposite of that. Speaker 4 And they're like, Whoa, I thought I chose this because I believe this side. But then when they say, well, argue the opposite of what you believe in, it's that hearing other people's perspectives and being empathetic towards another towards another side of what you believe and kind of listening to. Speaker 1 Both Oh, that classes is. Speaker 6 Excellent. And that's a great example. Speaker 1 Of. Speaker 6 Social awareness. And they even have their end of the year one. Speaker 5 Changed my mind. Speaker 6 Oh my gosh, I'm so nervous about it, to be honest, because. Speaker 1 I'm like, Oh, okay. And but it's a good example. Speaker 6 Of us not intervening until absolutely needed and sort of letting them work. Speaker 1 It out. Speaker 6 And it's a pretty bold thing, I think, to have happen at school. And I mean, one of the best educational experiences that's authentic, right? But it is it's an interesting thing to watch them if they feel very passionately one way or the other and get to. Speaker 1 Express that and sort of argue it out. Yeah. Speaker 6 And attempt to change someone's mind. Speaker 4 Yes. But but yet at the same time being respectful of what someone else thinks and believes and able to hear each other's opposite opinions and then you don't have to agree with everyone. But it's being nice to, you know, civil and respect. Speaker 5 Yeah. And I think kind of maybe some of the stuff they do in that class is also evaluating why do I believe this? And then when they have those conversations with the students who sit down at their table on that on that day of, okay, now this student is giving an explanation as to why they believe this. I think it just creates more of that, like that empathy for somebody else's life experience being different than your own. Speaker 5 And that has shaped their beliefs into being what they are. Speaker 1 Well, and a lot of the most acceptable. Speaker 6 Correct or. Speaker 1 Like most that Western best received correction. Speaker 6 Is from peers. And so again, it's hard for us to like stand off when maybe it's like started to cross that line, but watching their friend next to them say, hey, John, you know, calm down. Speaker 2 Mm hmm. Speaker 1 Like that wasn't very polite. Speaker 6 Yeah. Letting that interaction happen and. Speaker 1 Correct itself is very hard. Speaker 6 To do. But so important to their growth because it's as needed for the kid who did the correcting. Right. As the kid who's being corrected. Speaker 2 Hmm. Mm hmm. Speaker 6 And so, yes, those experiences really authentically. Speaker 1 Grow that social awareness. Speaker 4 And that's that class. They're juniors in that class, right? And that happens, I think, in May. I think it happens. Speaker 2 Going a year and. Speaker 1 Yes. Speaker 4 And we'll capture that at some point and push that out because it's one of our favorite things to kind of be a part of are all right. Speaker 5 And we just encourage to, you know, because there obviously are very controversial subjects. Yeah. So we post pictures and you can see what their subject was of just also the adults in our in our comments to be respectful of our students and in their projects and their opinions, too, and just being able to learn from them. On having a respectful conversation about things. Speaker 1 Right. Speaker 6 And realizing, I think it's important to know that there are some things that we're very gentle with high school kids on, and then there's other things where they're about to be adults, and we really need them to have this skill that might feel like it's a riskier skill, but it's very important to them. Speaker 4 So the fourth competency is relationship skills, including establishing and maintaining healthy relationships and collaboratively finding solutions to challenges. Speaker 1 So this is. Speaker 6 One that we'll be hitting really hard with the new Senate Bill nine curriculum that we're writing and pushing through right now, which. Speaker 5 I would just like to while you're mentioning that I just received information from Stacy Quezada yesterday. So Senate Bill nine information and what we will be teaching is now live on our website. Okay. Yeah, so it's on that school page. There is a button on the left side that says SB nine. So in case anybody is interested in, you know, look at that. Speaker 5 Yeah. Speaker 1 Yeah. We'll send the. Speaker 6 Formal letter out in June once the curriculum has had its full. Speaker 1 Approval by the. Speaker 6 School board and everything, but just those important healthy relationships things. And when we were writing the specifically healthy Relationships curriculum. Speaker 1 We got learn some new terms. Speaker 6 And so that was kind of fun. And the new term for us that the kids apparently all know is love bombing. Have you heard of love bombing? Speaker 1 No. No. So love. Speaker 6 Bombing. Speaker 4 Sounds dangerous. Speaker 6 Is when you're experiencing again, those love emotions for the first time maybe. Speaker 1 Or. Speaker 6 You're surprised by them. And it's. Speaker 1 Just so much so. Speaker 6 It's like students enter a relationship and then they're in love and they're getting married like two days in. Speaker 1 Right? And or. Speaker 6 Maybe there's an inequity in that relationship where one person's like, Oh my gosh, I. Speaker 1 Love you. Here's this jewelry, here's this teddy bear, here's this one. Speaker 6 And they just like, bomb. Speaker 1 Them with love. Speaker 6 And what seems. Speaker 1 Like very positive emotions, but it's just so much. Speaker 4 Right. Speaker 1 So fast. Speaker 6 And that's sort of an example of an unhealthy relationship that it shouldn't be that intense that quickly. And so that was an interesting one that were like, oh, yeah, I can, you know, and so. Speaker 1 The that's all about those. Speaker 6 Healthy boundaries because I think that they get like it's so confusing even for I would say that it's just the students because it's that's confusing. What are healthy boundaries right? Speaker 1 Yeah. Speaker 6 And you don't think of your relationships with friends as being as important to your relationship with your significant other. So encouraging your person to have their own life outside of your house. Speaker 2 Yes Yes. Speaker 1 It is a. Speaker 4 Red flag is you are just together. You are codependent on each other like a. Speaker 5 Consuming, all. Speaker 4 Consuming. It's okay for both of you to have your own lives and then decide you want to be together, right? Yes. That's very that's a very much a unhealthy thing. If you are excluding all of the friends that you've ever had just for this one relationship. Speaker 5 Oh, yeah. Well, it's like because that's I feel like that's it's really easy for control factors to be introduced to exert isolated. Speaker 2 So yeah, not good So. Speaker 6 Teaching them those early signs and what's healthy like hey, if your boyfriend says you shouldn't go to the mall with your girlfriends, maybe that's something to reevaluate, you know, things like that. So that's a big part of the curriculum is really what's healthy and what's unhealthy. And with things innocent kind of like love bombing to the things that are a little bit less and innocent when it gets into terms of like that relationship abuse and things like that. Speaker 4 And just some of the things I have down there, just questions that I think about, you know, my kids are at this age where I think, oh, it's so important to make sure you're dating someone who's healthy. It's really important at any age. It's not just as you get in your twenties and I feel like it gets closer to marriage, it's really you've you're establishing those throughout your life. Speaker 4 Yeah. But, you know, just knowing, being able to talk to someone and determining what's healthy and what's unhealthy, there's so much information out there on the Internet right now about what what signs to look for. You know, what are some parameters that you can set for yourself? Does this person make you a better person? Are they like your biggest fan? Speaker 4 Like, do they cheer you on or are they constantly it's this constant pull to keep you from growing as a person. I just think they're all so important. Speaker 6 Right? And like the thing that we see with anyone that's a part of like that relationship skill too, is just like personal growth is personal growth. And I mean that in the sense that sometimes we feel like we need to take ownership of someone else's. Speaker 1 Growth or help. Speaker 6 Them in a way that can be harmful, can turn into enabling behavior, it can turn into controlling or where you're sort of entering into a more parental role than you want to as a partner. Speaker 1 And so the. Speaker 6 Teaching kids and just anyone in general that, hey, in that situation you need to enter a supportive role in supporting them, exploring their. Speaker 1 Own growth. Speaker 6 Instead of trying to grow them. Speaker 1 Selves, grow for them. Now, I guess I would. Speaker 5 Be interested to just because of some conversations I've had with high school since and also going through it myself of being an absolute disaster. Speaker 2 Of a heartbroken individual. And yeah, well. Speaker 5 After the first little break out. But, you know, I think sometimes or a lot of times kids can identify like this is not what's best for me. Like, this is not making me feel good, but it's so hard for them to walk away from it. Or like you were talking about getting parents involved in things, but you may not even be telling your parents because you're trying to almost protect that other person. Speaker 5 So how how can they maybe get more comfortable? The idea of. Speaker 2 Of. Speaker 5 It's okay for me to walk away from it, Like, I know this is not good and here's a here's how I can actually remove myself from it. Speaker 1 Well, also making up. Speaker 6 The difference, I think that there's like especially when you're growing and you're learning those emotions, right, Doesn't it that. Speaker 1 I see this a lot with girls. Speaker 6 And maybe you can identify with this too, that telling someone no or that you don't want to give them their number like you think you hurt their feelings and you think you've been unkind and know that's your boundary. But showing that there's a difference and ending a relationship is not unkind. You can do it in a way. Speaker 1 That's respectful. Speaker 6 And showing that there's a difference. Because I think that, you know, in shows and whatever. Speaker 1 Break ups always. Speaker 6 Are so dramatic and so angry, you can be heartbroken and feel a certain way, but you don't. Speaker 1 Have to act poorly. Speaker 6 So heartbreak like and you may feel like you've done something bad because the outcome is so emotional. But you didn't it wasn't a breakup, wasn't unkind, you know, and. Speaker 1 Just the right those. Speaker 6 Those gray areas, those nuances, but coaching them through it and especially as a parent when they're feeling that. But those early warning signs for them, too, if they're feeling so strongly and it's only been 24 hours. Speaker 1 Yeah. Speaker 6 I know my dad like my first crush, too. He did the same thing. He was like. Speaker 1 So. Speaker 6 Abby Link. Speaker 1 This is too much like you're being really, you know, he she would have said extra if that was where it existed then and so and him coaching. Speaker 6 Me gently like this is not a normal amount of excitement for you know even a crush like and sort of coaching them that way on hey maybe some space. Speaker 1 Is good and. Speaker 6 You know. Speaker 1 You. Speaker 6 Know, don't cancel plans with your friends for this. You should keep your plans with your friends. You made a commitment to your friends. Speaker 2 They all. Speaker 6 You know, you want to keep all. Speaker 1 Of your relationships so. Speaker 6 There's gentle ways to coach and help support them in that learning. Speaker 4 Yeah, and there's nothing wrong with thinking. You know, a lot of times when I look back on if I had to break up with a boyfriend or something like that, you kind of forget I was going to crack a joke, but. Speaker 2 I'll just stay serious. I just see it. I see it. Speaker 4 You know, it's your life and you feel like you owe them. You don't want to hurt their feelings, but you owe yourself a good, healthy relationship. And if it isn't that, then you know, if you're having to ask the person that broke up. But. But why? What if I did this? It's just let it let it go. You know, it's I that line from that movie a long time ago. Speaker 4 He's just not that into you. Yes. Great movie, because we can see it as adults watching kids go through this struggle. But, man, sometimes when you're fighting that hard, it's just not Mitt. It's not working. Speaker 5 Yeah. And I remember like my mom saying that in college to me, like, it should not be this difficult. Not even married. Speaker 2 Yes, right. Speaker 5 Like it should not be. This should be the fun time. This should be the good time. And it should not be this hard. Speaker 1 Yeah, right. Speaker 4 You should literally almost be thinking this person. Oh, they're perfect. Like, we're never going to fight. Speaker 1 Yes. Speaker 4 You know, like we are This is going to be euphoria, living, you know, being with this person or it's it should not be a daily battle of not getting along and and arguing. And it just I mean, just right there. Well, time out or you're really not maybe you're not mature enough at that point. Your life where you still need to work on some skills to be healthy for someone else to be in a relationship. Speaker 4 You know, if if there are always if you're always insecure, always scared of where they are or I don't know, whatever the situations are. Speaker 6 Well, you know, and I think we remember, too, at that time where everything's so new and you're still you haven't really settled into yourself and so you're self-conscious about yourself to begin with. So if someone doesn't like that they don't like you or they don't want to be in a relationship with you, it's so personal then, right? Because you can't fall back on like. Speaker 1 Hey, I'm great. Somebody else is going to like me, you know? Speaker 6 And right when I feel like as you get. Speaker 1 Older, hopefully for most people you're like, No, I'm pretty awesome. So yeah, someone. Speaker 6 Else is going to want to be with me and it's going to be. Speaker 1 Fine, you know? Speaker 6 But when they're going through that, helping them feel. Speaker 1 That way, hey. Speaker 6 It's not that you. Speaker 1 Were a bad. Speaker 6 Person or that you were lacking in any way, you just weren't a good. Speaker 1 Fit. Yep. Yep. And that's hurtful. And it hurts really bad. Speaker 4 Yeah, and it sounds, but yes. Yeah. Speaker 6 Validating the pain is very important. Speaker 1 Because it does hurt and they'll grow from that. Speaker 5 Yeah. And I remember saying some of those conversations I've had with high school girls over the last couple of years of like if you. Speaker 2 If you. Speaker 5 Think you love him like this much, just imagine how much you're going to love the right person for you. Like if you think you like love the wrong person this much, like you can't even begin to understand how much you're going to love them. The right one. Speaker 2 Yeah. Speaker 1 And the right. Speaker 6 Person, you know. And I guess we're getting into some of that, I guess, but always that you should feel the. Speaker 1 Most to yourself. Speaker 6 With that person. Not that you're giving of yourself to be with them. You should feel like the best version of you is. Speaker 1 The most comfortable. Speaker 6 Version. Speaker 1 Of you. Speaker 4 Absolute. Absolutely. Speaker 6 If you feel like you've had to change and modify and you're on edge, then that's not that's not what's. Speaker 1 Going to work. Speaker 2 Good point. Speaker 4 If only everybody could listen to all the things that we have done. Speaker 2 So much for this advice. Speaker 4 And so the last competency is responsible decision making. So including analyzing situations, solving problems, making decisions that promote collective well-being. Speaker 6 So this one, like is is a lot of things. So it kind of goes back to social awareness. I want to talk. Speaker 1 About that collective well-being first, because. Speaker 6 A sense of community. Speaker 1 Has sort of. Speaker 6 Been more. Speaker 1 Difficult. Speaker 6 You know, and in all of like the suicide awareness stuff that we go to in that training, there's this huge community piece and how it's so important to be involved and engaged in the bigger community and the larger you and all of that. And I think that we do a good job here, really like asking the like the service day we. Speaker 1 Just said, My gosh, so great having kids give back because it. Speaker 6 Also makes you feel good to give. Speaker 1 Back. Speaker 6 And just realizing that when you feel the most plugged in and have the most resources. Speaker 1 You're less. Speaker 6 Likely to feel that depression and that suicidality. And that not only is it friends and family in school, but it is it is the network, it is the community. It is like weaving yourself into the fiber. And so that that's a really good. Speaker 1 They call it a protective factor. Speaker 6 And so I guess that falls into a responsible decision making. But I just saw that phrasing on here and I was like, Oh, we didn't talk about collective well-being and community is just it's such an important part. Speaker 1 But with responsible. Speaker 6 Decision making, that's. Speaker 1 Difficult. Speaker 6 For anyone, right? Speaker 1 And so. Speaker 6 Nothing that I feel like is easy, Like some of it's very. Speaker 1 Straightforward. Speaker 6 But it's an ongoing educational experience. So responsible decision making is no different. Right? We struggle with responsible decisions every day. Like, do I really want that second. Speaker 1 Cup of coffee? Or I would probably be. Speaker 6 Fine. Speaker 1 With just. Speaker 6 The one, right? Am I going to swipe left on this Amazon? I really just want this new. Speaker 1 Hat. Speaker 6 Right? Which is the most responsible decision when to give yourself a break and let yourself make, you know, a decision that it's maybe not. Speaker 1 The most responsible. Speaker 6 Decision and helping kids be able to make those decisions on their own. Right. Like, are you going to do your. Speaker 1 Homework. Speaker 6 Or are you going to go do this? And a way that parents can encourage that, too, is to prompt them to make that decision and give them the opportunity to fail at it occasionally. I mean, not all the time, because they're never going to choose to do homework for the most part, a lot of them. Right. Speaker 1 But some will. Speaker 6 And giving them an opportunity like hey, or giving them a choice to make. So it might be more difficult if you do your homework later and it'll make you tired. Do you feel like it's the wisest choice to go with your friends now instead of doing your homework? You know, offering them a choice occasionally and the chance to make the wrong one and then suffer the consequences of the wrong decision. Speaker 6 Well, you've got an early morning, and regardless of if you do this, I will be waking you up or you'll be getting up at 6 a.m. regardless. And so having them sort of sit in the consequence of that wrong decision sometimes can be very beneficial and helps them grow. Like, okay, next time I'm not going to wait till the last minute because it was stressful. Speaker 6 And that comes in with like the not bailing out, which my mom bailed me out, right. You know, sometimes. But she also didn't sometimes like. Speaker 1 Mom, I've got this project is due tomorrow, right? Yes. Run to Wal mart or Hobby Lobby for a project. Supplies. Right. And so there's. Speaker 6 You know, of course, helping them out. But then they're sometimes. Speaker 1 With. Speaker 6 Hey, you know what? We can't tonight. You'll have to be creative. Speaker 2 Mm hmm. Speaker 4 Yeah. And that's such a hard one, you know? And Kelsey, we had talked about this earlier, about your mom had asked, you know, what was one thing that about your childhood that you can go ahead and take it? Yeah. Speaker 5 When I was in college, she had asked what was something that she felt like or that I felt like maybe could have been better with our child and that we had a very, I would say, a very happy childhood. But one thing I said was, I almost wish you would have allowed me to fail more. And I knew it was done out of love. Speaker 5 But just the example I go back to in my my mind was I was very forgetful with my lunch every day. And so I would bring my lunch. I brought my lunch tender through senior year of high school, same thing pretty much every day too. And when I was little, I would just leave it at home all the time and she would bring it up to the school for me. Speaker 5 And I just think back, like even if she just let me go without my lunch one day or be forced to get in the the school lunch line, that I was so uncomfortable getting in for some reason that maybe it would have allowed me to to handle failures later in life a little more gracefully at first, because I think I had a really hard time handling them, like when I got to college and really felt like I failed for the first time, like really big. Speaker 5 It was like I'd never really done that or experienced that. So yeah. Speaker 6 It's definitely surprising. And, you know, I've been to couple of trainings where they talk about enabling behavior and how it can be dangerous and you know, how there's definitely like the innocence, like, Right, We're going to do it as parents regardless and in certain ways. But that, you know, a memory that sticks out to me was and it ties in with the more adult training was I think it was fifth grade. Speaker 6 And my friend's mom did not bring her homework. She forgot on the table the girl had like stayed up all night doing it. And it it sounds very harsh, but I remember it. And she was like straight-A student and it meant that she might. Speaker 1 Lose her a fifth. Speaker 6 Grade. It's a good time to learn at. Speaker 1 The farm, to learn it. Speaker 6 And the mom said no, like you forgot it. You'll learn to be more responsible. And I felt so bad. My friend cried for a long time as big deal. And when I was in this enabling training it remember, it reminded me of that because they said, You've got. Speaker 1 To let. Speaker 6 Someone fail even when it's something you know, you can prevent and even when it's something that. Speaker 1 You. Speaker 6 Won't like the outcome. Speaker 1 Of. Yeah. Speaker 6 So right, Like as a parent, oh, my student needs this day because it means more scholarships. I need to make sure they don't mess up in a way that will. Speaker 1 Impact their. Speaker 6 Future. Right. And so. Speaker 1 There's some. Speaker 6 Part of parenting that's you shield from some of that. But then there's also. Speaker 1 Those teachable moments where they've where. Speaker 6 You make the call that this is the right time to teach this lesson. And they've got to sit in it. Speaker 1 And as hard. Speaker 5 Experiencing consequences are allowing someone to experience the consequences of their choices, their actions is actually a much more difficult thing to do. And it's a lot of times a very loving thing to do, even if. Speaker 1 It's not seen as that it is. Speaker 6 It's because it's so much harder than giving in sometimes, like, you know, and let because they're going to be mad at you. Yeah, they're going to resent you for that in the moment. And being able to bear those negative feelings when you know you could have prevented the negative feeling. Speaker 1 Or. Speaker 6 And we say negative but overall constructive. Speaker 1 Yeah. Process. So that's why this is one of those. Speaker 6 Really complex ones and it's a really hard one to teach and help the kids grow. But it's very, very essential because then they know they can survive failure when it happens later when they get fired, when they don't turn their project in on time, like they know how to come in and apologize and own up and do all those things. Speaker 1 So well. Speaker 4 Hearing you all talk through it, I realize it's a very early form of teaching boundaries. If you think about it, it healthy boundaries. Yes. This was your work this was your responsibility. Why would I come in just like you don't want me to come in and take ownership of it when things are great? Speaker 1 Yes. Speaker 4 Why do you want me to come in and save you when things are? It's a it's a boundary. I mean, it's a very important. Speaker 5 Ownership, like you saying that ownership. And I think that's something people can struggle with now, like, I have so much more respect when someone messes up and and owns up to that mistake and doesn't make excuses. And if you're not really practicing that, like your first instinct might be to blame anything and everything else for that mistake instead of actually like owning it and learning from it so that it doesn't happen again. Speaker 1 Yes. And I think it helps you respect. Speaker 6 Other people when they go through it, too. Yes. And so it ends with more empathy because someone comes to you and they say, hey, I had the worst this happened. And you're like, oh, been there, you know, okay, we're going to adapt together. Let me help you now and we're going. Speaker 1 To. Speaker 6 Come through this together. And I think it helps you in all. Speaker 1 Aspects of life. Speaker 5 And you were saying because that just kind of ties it together, that really all of these skills build on each other right. Absolutely. So you start with the self-awareness. And that, you said, is the easiest to kind of master. And then you move on to to each thing, right? Speaker 1 Yeah. Speaker 4 To self-management, then social awareness, then relationships, then responsible decision making, which is the last one. Speaker 6 Yes, absolutely. You become aware of yourself, then you're able to manage the emotions you've now identified and then that apply. Speaker 1 That to a social. Speaker 6 Setting and then apply that to a relationship which is more intimate, the broad social, and then eventually. Speaker 1 Those hard. Speaker 6 Decisions. Speaker 4 Have you seen COVID affect this? And when I say COVID, I mean, the lockdown of being socially isolated, what what are some side effects that we're starting to see in schools today with social emotional learning and the side effects of really being isolated from other people? Speaker 6 So one of the greatest and training that I went to, one of the greatest barriers to resiliency is fear for your life. Speaker 1 Or fear of fear for the life of others. Speaker 6 And so it sort of inhibits. Speaker 1 Growth because. Speaker 6 You're living in a part of your brain that's different. You're not engaging your frontal. Speaker 1 Cortex. Speaker 6 Or your hippocampus. You're just sort of living in that fight or flight area for a while. And so if you were at home and maybe your parents were also living in that state where your grandparents got ill or, you know, just you experienced a lot of trauma, a lot of families experienced lot. Speaker 1 You know. Speaker 6 They were very touched by it. In other families, less so. But we all have that basal. Speaker 1 Level or. Speaker 6 Not basal, but we all have that of trauma. Like it's a now logged into all. Speaker 1 Of us. Speaker 6 As a trauma on a level one level or another. And so realizing that they're all more at risk for that trauma now. And so what they we can assess part of that with like aces. Have you heard of aces? Aces is referred to as adverse childhood experiences and there's like a quiz that you can do for yourself or for your child and see and it can predict the struggles that they might have. Speaker 6 And it's a. Speaker 1 Very accurate predictor. Speaker 6 If you have three or more, you're more likely to have certain adverse health effects and emotional difficulties and things like that. And certain aces that you could experience in childhood would be, you know, COVID could be considered that, you know, it's like a death of a parent or. Speaker 1 A death of a relative. Speaker 6 A parent who is struggling with mental disorder, a parent who's struggling with physical disorder, living in fear for a certain amount of time. There's there's so many things. And so realizing that this event could have added one to all the kids, but to some it added three or four. Speaker 1 Right. Speaker 6 Traumatic experiences, Right. We saw an increase in child abuse. Speaker 1 Go up, right? Speaker 4 Increase in addiction of alcohol, drugs, divorce up. Speaker 2 I mean. Speaker 4 Those are all things. Think about that. It's not just COVID, but those things are repercussions of of what happened. And then yeah. Speaker 6 And I say we as in the United. Speaker 1 States, just for clarification. Yeah, right. Speaker 6 But yes, all of those things went up because everyone was stressed and struggling with regulation need to regulate being. I know that there were certain times where, you know, I have immune compromised. So I was very panicky at first and learning how to regulate that. And that of course, seeped in, you know, and you don't realize and I feel like we're all human, but like even my nephew, who was around me a lot at the time, now he's like, can you go in groups? Speaker 1 And I was like, It's been like a year and a half. Speaker 6 But it's it's in his brain now. And he's very much like, you know, we had a Protect Abby six months where everybody was like on eggshells around me and now he thinks that. Speaker 1 We are that way, like, forever. And he's 13, right? Speaker 6 So it's just realizing what shifts in their brain then went and what they felt is very dramatic and just compassionately helping them get over that hump and get back to what sort of a normal way of thinking. Like, no, you know, normally it's not like this. Like, normally you aren't in fear for your health all the time. And you know, you should and you shouldn't be. Speaker 1 You shouldn't be in that state of fear all the. Speaker 6 Time and helping them sort of get over that. I think it's going to take a lot of compassion. And I mean, again, my hope is that it's going to be not I mean, some of the articles are very doomsday in that we're. Speaker 1 Going to feel this. Speaker 6 Forever and ever feel it. But me hopefully not in the way that they're saying, you know, like the Greatest Generation came out of a lot of conflict and strife, and I'm hoping that we can channel this into a lot of resiliency training and, you know, growth as a society. So hopefully it's. Speaker 1 Helpful. Speaker 6 But we have seen an increase in suicidality and mental health. You know what I. Speaker 1 Will say, though. Speaker 6 And this was the only I went to one suicide training and it showed different statistics. And they said that when the students were home, that suicide risk went down. Speaker 4 Why? Why is that? Speaker 6 I don't know that when they came back, it was different like that. And so there's so many reasons. The answer is we don't know. But when they were home and they got a break and they were, they. Speaker 1 Regrouped for. Speaker 6 The ones that were only home a short amount of time, you know, like we weren't home very long. I think they regrouped and. Then we saw a lot and we came back. And so for us, like as our district, you know, in our numbers and I think our numbers are actually reflective of the nation, is our students struggled not that fall they came back. Speaker 6 They were so excited. Speaker 1 We had some struggle but it was the spring. Speaker 6 It was when things went back to normal and they were very confused and it was when like. Speaker 1 Things were okay, well, all of these other problems still exist. Speaker 6 And all of this and sort of reconciling what they thought and what is. And so that's kind of what's what we're sitting in now. And and we had a rise of mental health issues before as a nation. Suicidality was up as a nation before issues of social media like we were already addressing all of this ACL before COVID came into play. Speaker 6 So that that all of this was on the rise and very rampant prior. And that, of course, it's going to have an effect on things, but it might not be as negative as we're thinking. Speaker 2 Hmm. Speaker 4 Okay. So I do know that May is Mental Health Awareness Month. So what's coming what's coming up for FSD or what are some things that are going on that now's the time to promote and kind of talk about, Oh yeah. Speaker 1 So May six, we do. Speaker 6 We're doing our mental health fair, which we do every May now. So our annual Mental Health Awareness Month fair and the kids have booths and we invite some other people to come in. And I don't know if anybody knows about Rio. Speaker 1 Our dog at high school, Miss Naylor's dog. And so that so hopefully he'll be. Speaker 6 Able to make an appearance. And you know, he's quite popular. Speaker 1 Yes. Speaker 6 And just like we do a celebration of mental health and we have different techniques that they can learn in different booths and it's a really good time. Speaker 4 I really didn't choose is that in the cafeteria? Okay. So it's out in the mall area. Speaker 1 Yes. Speaker 6 You know, at the high school, they've got so much stuff going on. So we do it during lunches. So it's easy for them to go in and out and the teachers allow them to usually be like a couple of minutes late as if they're gathering things. And some teachers will even let. Speaker 1 Their class go for a little bit. Speaker 6 And it's just a really, really fun time and we enjoy it. And it's so rare that all the counseling stuff gets to be like out with the kids. And so we we look forward to it that we get to go be with them. And Bay Area Alliance comes and they bring all sorts of goodies for the kids and they teach strategies and yeah, it's just a. Speaker 1 Really nice time. Speaker 5 I wanted to give a shout out to Area Alliance right now. We actually started today open today there is voting. We are up for a $25,000 grant for Feisty Cares through State Farm so we have a link on our website went all day today. I have a pop up that's going to show up where you can click on the link. Speaker 5 You can vote up ten times a day. I believe voting closes May six. Speaker 4 I think that's right. Speaker 5 Okay. And it's on our slider too. So and that's across every campus. Web pages also just to be able to support that so that we can help more families in need. And exactly what you're talking about with some of this ACL, I'm like, we've got to give a little shout out to that right now. Speaker 4 Yeah, it's very important. Speaker 1 Oh, there. Speaker 6 They're fantastic. And if you can support anything really, I it's yes, everybody cares. We they. Speaker 1 Help. Speaker 6 So many students. We we have students in need and they're able to really make a difference this year. So so many kids, you know, when we give them the bags at Christmas, it. Speaker 1 Would just. Speaker 6 Warm your heart that they they're just really in need. And the more help we can get, the better. And even the things like they give us a pantry. And so we have like pantry cabinets in our in our counseling offices. And it's so nice because they're they're so responsive. And so they'll be like, you know, Abby, what do you need? Speaker 6 And I told them I was like, Well, when the girls cry, I don't have makeup wipes. And, you know, like that day. Okay, here we've got makeup wipes. Speaker 1 Oh, well, we have a. Speaker 6 Lot of kids who forget breakfast and, you know, like or have you know, I can't tell you the comfort that a fruit roll. Speaker 1 Up will give a child. Speaker 6 You know, they just come in and. Speaker 1 You know, kind of had a bad day. Can I have a Pop-Tart or. Speaker 6 You know, and like, it just instantly. Speaker 1 Feel better. Speaker 6 So they help make all of that possible. And that is something that kids feel every day, that deodorant, the toothbrush. Speaker 1 Everything. Speaker 4 Those essential needs that maybe they are getting at home or don't have the money for, but they are alliance is kind of coming through and helping. Speaker 1 Yeah. Yeah. Speaker 6 And I think you know I know we did drive last year but just a reminder to we have those boxes at all the campuses where people can drop off things in our donation crate. Yep. And we definitely check those all the time. It all gets used. The families and the students really appreciate all of that. Speaker 4 Yeah. And it's also on our website under community and yeah. Speaker 5 Angie put out a social media post I know today, so they should be able to see that too. And I actually went on and did my voting this morning and there's actually a way you can get text reminders every day while voting is open so that you can use your ten votes. And that would be great because I need reminders for for everything. Speaker 5 So it literally like shot me a text message saying I was subscribed. And then I guess tomorrow I'll receive one like don't forget to vote today. Speaker 1 So yeah. Speaker 4 And along with Bay Area Alliance, Lauren Ambo is chosen to be the next Dancing with the Stars representative for Fiesta. Speaker 1 Yeah. Speaker 4 So in I think it's in September when the Dancing with the Stars banquet is and the challenge and you know yeah they compete so. Speaker 5 So cool it will. Speaker 1 Be awesome She'll do great. Speaker 4 She'll do great. Well so in wrap up typically I just end every with some random questions and I'm kind of switched around a little bit just to get something a little different. But so earlier we were talking about relationships. What is one deal breaker, Abby, that you would say, What's one deal breaker for you? Think back to when you went on a first date with what would be what would have been one deal breaker for me? Speaker 6 It's not so much not having it as having it and being like, you've got to have a sense of humor. Like, I want to laugh. I wanted to feel easy, you know, I wanted to be comfortable and less stiff and just, you know, my sense of humor is is is the most important for me. Speaker 4 It is. And it's a good one for sure. If you could tell your 18 year old self three words. Speaker 1 What would they be? Speaker 6 Oh, calm down. Speaker 1 I was so hyper. Definitely calm. Speaker 6 Down. It's more phrases. Calm down. Your Mom knows what she's talking about. Yes. Speaker 2 Oh, that's a gay man. Listen to our mom. Speaker 5 My gosh. Every day I feel like I learn. Like, first of all, I feel like I'm my father and I'm becoming my mother. That's what I realize on a daily basis. Speaker 2 But she was right about everything. Speaker 4 That's I have a digital that says that, oh, my gosh, I just realized Mom was right about everything. Speaker 2 Yes. Yes. It's crazy. Speaker 5 You get so mad at them in the moment. You're like like I remember my mom, like when I was in Junior high. That's too much eyeliner and me, like. Speaker 2 She's just jealous, you know, like she does. Speaker 5 So. Yeah, it looks so good. I don't know what she's talking about. I look back and I'm like. Speaker 2 Oh, my God. It's just, like. Speaker 6 So embarrassing to hang with me as low rise jeans. And I remember her saying, Abby. Speaker 1 These are the worst. Speaker 6 Like, they can't look flattering on. They cut at the wrong place, and these are awful. You know. Speaker 1 Like you're. Speaker 6 Behind is sticking out when you sit. Speaker 1 Down, like, Oh, my gosh, you just you and your mom jeans and all action are like, don't take that waste away. Don't say that. Speaker 2 I feel that. That's right. Speaker 4 That's the take away out there. Kids, listen to your mom and. Speaker 1 That rest is powerful. Speaker 6 Because I couldn't be made to take a. Speaker 1 Rest. Speaker 2 Would. Speaker 1 Be the last one is that rest is actually. Speaker 6 Beneficial. Speaker 1 To do that right. Speaker 2 Still still learning that one over here. Yeah. Speaker 4 How do you make the world a better place, Abby? Speaker 6 I think it's. Speaker 1 Through. Through this job, through. Speaker 6 The work that I do. You know. Speaker 1 I that was always the. Speaker 6 Goal. And when I went into teaching, I had a really good instructor and he said, Yeah. Speaker 1 Because I was a little. Speaker 6 Bit more introverted and nervous to teach. And he was like, So I'm in a classroom. He's like, This is where you'll a difference, like, And he's like, I didn't think so before. Speaker 1 Like, I wasn't sure because you were so quiet in class. Speaker 6 And then I taught and like. Speaker 1 With the kids and he's like, Yeah, you're going to, you'll be, you'll be good with the kids. And I was like, I took that to heart. Speaker 5 And I think. Speaker 6 That happens. Speaker 5 Like when I when a professor gives up because I had I had a similar experience, like I had never I had never edited a video before I got to college. I never dealt with a camera in my major. We had to take classes in all the fields of communication before we picked a minor, and I didn't think like I was like anything special. Speaker 5 I really thought, like my professor really liked a different type of personality in a student than than mine. And I will never forget having a summer like the end of my summer class with him, him pulling me to the side and telling me what a talent he thought I had for it, and just the confidence that that instilled that I like carried with me into my job. Speaker 5 Like, I just think it's so powerful to have professors and teachers just give that validation to their students because it really can make such a difference in how you pursue. Speaker 2 Your career in life. Speaker 1 Oh, absolutely. Speaker 4 Definitely. Speaker 4 What is the weirdest combination you enjoy? Speaker 2 Mm. Speaker 6 I guess I like. Speaker 1 Like the the frosty. Speaker 6 Or the chicken nuggets. Speaker 1 Or the fries. Speaker 6 With the chicken nuggets dipped in Frosty. Speaker 1 Oh, I. Speaker 4 Did the fries dipped in Frosty growing up. Yeah. It's that sweet and salty, right? Speaker 1 Yes, that's, that's sweet and salty. Delicious. Speaker 2 Weird taste. So good. Speaker 4 So and then the last question. I always like to end the podcast with finish since it's one thing I know for sure is. Speaker 1 That it's very powerful to have hope. Speaker 2 Mm. Speaker 5 Well, that. Speaker 4 I love that too. Well, I will tell you one thing, Abby, I'm going to press you right now before we end everything. I'm looking for you on a regular basis next year to either have a podcast or a Facebook or sharing some kind of tips for parents dealing with SCA. Not with ACL, just life in general. You have so much wisdom and so many great things to share, and we appreciate you and love everything that you do. Speaker 5 Really can. I can just come by your office, our in-house station. Speaker 1 So thank you so much for having me. It was awesome. Speaker 2 Great. I'd like to thank you.