Nicole's Heartwarming Homebirth: A First Time Mum Who Dared to Trust Her Intuition

Nicole has been passionate about women's health so when she got pregnant, she just knew that she was going to be an intentional mother. 

This looked like being intentional about her nutrition in pregnancy because preeclampsia runs in her family, it also looked like choosing a homebirth because it aligned with what she found important for her birth. 

Like many women choosing homebirth now, she knew she had to be protective of who she allowed into her space. She got herself a team that supported her and had a wonderful birth on her own terms. 

If you are about to have a baby, Nicole's birth story is a great example of a woman brave enough to trust her intuition in spite of all the external noise. 

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:03

Hello and welcome to the Back to Basics podcast. If you're joining us for the first time, this is a podcast for anyone walking the journey of birth, parenting, and supporting those who are. In each episode, we come back to what matters most: honest stories by African women, trusted guidance, and the kind of community that helps you trust yourself. I'm Nicole, and I'm so glad you're here. So take a breath because you're in the right place. Tell us a little bit about yourself and how you got to becoming a mom.

SPEAKER_00 0:35

Okay. So um my name is Nicole or Nicolette or Chola. Let me say OP. Recently OP, but I'm still adjusting to my name. Have you changed it? Not officially, but I will. I had a problem with my name. So I changed it just before I got married. So it was still a rigorous process from the Kenyan government to change my name again. Yeah, so I'm an interior architect by profession, but also very passionate about women's health. And how I became a mom is I got a honeymoon baby. Fortunately or unfortunately, um, we went for a honeymoon and uh wasn't planning to get pregnant that soon, but I guess here we are. So um that's how I became how I'm about to ask that question. Okay, that's how I became um a mom. And because I've been so passionate about women's health, I knew from the get-go that I was going to be a very intentional pregnant woman and have a very um let me say different from what people um do, but my birth was going to be a different experience from what I knew.

SPEAKER_01 1:55

Um, yeah, okay. So how did you decide to have a home birth, especially for your first? I know it's not very common. Common. Yeah, I'm sure you just faced a lot deciding that.

SPEAKER_00 2:07

Um let me say it wasn't a hard decision, but deciding to um have a home bath for me was even made before I got pregnant. Um, all the things I had watched and I had read about, I knew that modern medicine, although has its place, was not um going to help me have the type of bath I wanted. So I knew to control how I wanted my bath to go, I'd have to do it at home. And in the environment that I had control over. I knew if I went to hospital, I would be overwhelmed by the authority that was there. So I wanted a place where I had authority um to choose how I wanted things to go. And for my first, I remember I was quite nervous and my husband has had been asking me every month, especially in my third trimester, are you sure we're not crazy? And I remember even after having classes with you, I really guarded my birth space and who I told. So I knew there are people who, if I told, would really instill fear. And not that I'm um immune to fear, I also had those fears and anxieties. But I think the fact that I had researched and I had seen so many women go through it and be successful, and I went in informed that cast away a lot of the fear. So as a first-time mom, I had a lot of, you know, what is what I'm doing the right thing. Yeah. But especially interacting with you. I think that's actually was the nail that the last nail of the coffin. Like just hearing about your your story, um, watching your birth video, I was just like, you know what? Yeah, I can I can do that. Yeah, I can definitely do that.

SPEAKER_01 3:55

Yeah. Oh, yeah, and then I think a lot of women are in that place where they ignore they want maybe a home birth or what the hospital's providing is not what they want. But then there's maybe their husband or their mother or their mother-in-law that kind of I guess stops them from going the other step. Yeah. What was that? What did that look like for you? Like, did you you have to deal with a lot in terms of your husband's support?

SPEAKER_00 4:20

Yeah. Okay. Um, I think I don't know if I can say I trained my husband or educated, but I think from even when we were dating, I think he's someone who really knew where my headspace was at in that in that way. And the more I informed him, the more he got on board. So I feel like um he was very supportive as long as we were informed. Yeah. So he was not supportive blindly, but he was he was like, Okay, I understand where you're coming from, I understand why that's your thought process. And if that's what you want to do, I'm standing behind you 100% as long as it's logical and it makes sense and we all be healthy. Yeah, so um with my mom and my mother-in-law and my fa other family members, I didn't tell them. I only told them I was doing a home birth after the fact. And that was because I knew that they would not be able to get over that anxiety. Yeah, and they would I actually think it they would be following me around. And if I was going to be aware of it, yes, they would actually collect me and take me to hospital by force. Yes, even to this day, you can hear like in some of their comments, like, girl, what were you doing? You could have died, you get, yeah. So um, that's how it looked like like for me, and not telling them give me so much peace of mind. And I remember towards the end of my third trimester, and now I'm almost giving birth, I became very sparse um in the society, so that um people, you know, my mom kept asking me, Okay, so which hospital have you chosen? And I was just like, I'm still deciding, but at 39 weeks, how are you still deciding? Yeah, and especially because mom knows I'm such a planner, it was quite interesting. It's not making sense, yeah, why I hadn't uh selected a hospital yet. So I that's how it looked like for me.

SPEAKER_01 6:05

Okay, so maybe you can take us through your pregnancy because I know we connected pretty early on. Yeah, yeah. So maybe what was that like? How did you yeah, prepare yourself for the choices you were making?

unknown 6:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 6:17

So I found out I was pregnant pretty early. My cycle is very uh regular. So I found out um maybe like five or six weeks, and as soon as I found out, I remember um I had seen a friend of mine who you had supported through her birth. So I I I reached out to her, I told her, Hi, um, you ever shared about your doula, can you uh give me her number? And now that's when I called you, and I think I went through your page just to kind of see what type of vibe you are giving. And now that's now when I knew that I was possibly going to have a home birth. I wasn't sure early on. So I just said if everything goes well, because I know also having a home birth is a privilege in the sunset when you have an uncomplicated pregnancy, that's the only way it's kind of settling to have a a home birth. So um in the first trimester I was going through it and remember, even when I called you, remember I really cried. I was so emotional. And just to give context, um, I had also just lost my dad. So it was such a heavy time for me finding out I'm pregnant um unexpectedly and in a way that I hadn't planned. So I remember the day I called you and I was just explaining to you where I'm at. I was just really crying. And then when I cut the column, like I've just called a stranger. What do I look like to her? Yeah, but I don't know. I felt um even in our conversation, you're a very easy person to talk to, and I think that's when my walls came down. Um I think you're you're doing the job you were meant to do. Yeah, I think you really um the energy you gave, even without me seeing you and reading your body language, I felt safe. Yeah. So I remember after that that call I did a lot of research and I had even done research before. Um I got pregnant and I knew that I had to number one stay on top of my health. So what that looked like for me was watching my diet number one, knowing that my family has a history of preclampsia, which is high blood pressure, um, in pregnancy, I knew that that couldn't happen to me. So I found ways to make sure I was managing number one my diet so that I don't unexpectedly gain more weight than I than I needed to gain. Yeah, and I stayed active just to keep my heart healthy. So I worked out my whole pregnancy after the first trimester because I really had bad morning, all day sickness. Let me not call it morning sickness. I was sick, I was vomiting all day. Yeah, so I after that I stayed active. Um, and then as you rightfully told me in our classes, second trimester was the honeymoon phase where you're not vomiting anymore, but you're not super big, so you're not feeling the pelvic um pain and pressure. Yeah, so I really enjoyed my second trimester. I was active, I was keeping up on my nutrition, um, eating what I needed to eat, and also I was still going for my clinics just to make sure that everything was okay. And then I think our birth classes really equipped me, all the resources you gave us to share, and the fact that my husband was joining the classes with me, I felt was really a big help. Because even after we'd have the classes, we'd go back and sit and discuss more and you know, just uh kind of digest the information we were getting. Yeah, so once it reached the third trimester, um, I remember asking him how will I break up with my OB because we had had this really nice relationship. What am I going to tell us? So, anyway, bye. I'm never seeing you again. So I remember that was also I felt kind of bad. Um, but I was like, Why are you feeling bad? Uh yeah. So I remember just telling them, Can you please transform me? Uh, give me my uh what's it called? My clinic book because we the midwives told me we'd need that for his back notification. So yeah, that that was that was it. And now towards the end of my pregnancy, my pressure started acting weird. Okay. Yeah. So I remember the midwives, they would come and do for me clinic here. So they do my pressure, my BP, check the if there was protein in my urine. So apparently, if you have protein in your urine, it means you're the early stages of pre-clamps. Yeah. I remember they'd come here and she'd take my pressure. Then I think because of anxiety, my pressure would always be higher. But when she goes, my machine, it's normal. It's normal. So she tell me, girl, I have you tricked your machine to to favor what you want. But now the next time she came to clean, she actually came with the very rudimentary way of checking pressure. Then where they have a stethoscope, um, and then they listen to it on your arm. Yeah, and when she did that and found that my pressure was fine, I think that settled because now I was very fearful because I was like, if my pressure goes up, I don't think I'd have the confidence to do a home bath. Yeah, and then now they said saying things like, you know, if your pressure is high, the placenta cannot be working well, and had at this point I had even stopped going for my scans. Yeah, yeah. So I'm so glad um that uh resolved itself. And my brother-in-law is uh what what can I call him? He's a natural naturopath. Yeah, so I kind of asked him, What can I do to keep my pressure down? So um I'm also someone who uh is a person of faith. So he said, apart from just asking God to get it under control, take cayenne every morning at six. Cayenne pepper.

SPEAKER_01 11:42

Oh, that's where you got the trick from. Yes, I got it from him.

SPEAKER_00 11:44

So anytime I need like home remedies, I always call him. So he told me just take cayenne and I did that, and I don't know what she helped, but my pressure stayed down. I stay pneumonia. So that was my pregnancy. Yeah, it was not very eventful in a sense, which is what you want in a pregnancy. You want it to be very vanilla. Yeah, and towards the end, I started getting like apart from the pressure, there's just the pelvic pain and every everything that everyone um anticipates. But I remember I don't know if it's talking to you or all the research I had before, but the attitude I had towards birth was I was excited to get birth. Yeah, yeah. I don't know why I was very I was looking forward to even birth. I was not scared as most women are. I was very empowered and I was just like, wow, I can't wait to feel like a superwoman because that's how I saw you as when I when I saw you like this birthing your babies, I was like, wow, she is she's a good, yeah, she's so badass. I want I want I want to have that under my belt as well. Yeah, so I really looked forward to birth and I think that helped us have a successful home birth, that mindset.

SPEAKER_01 12:55

Yeah, awesome. Yeah, I think mindset once you've mastered that, like everything else is just yeah, by the way, yeah, exactly. So now maybe you can take us to a few weeks, or maybe the week before labor. What did it feel like? Yeah, where was your headspace? Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 13:11

Okay, so a few weeks before labor, I remember I was really, really wanting to go into labor because of my pressure. I was like, you know what? If I give birth earlier, my my body doesn't have time to have pressure. So I remember towards like 38 weeks. I remember I was telling you. You have to buy birth by 38. 38, and like four. I had like a date. I think it was like 17th or something, some random date of February. So I remember um towards those in the and I started preparing, I made food, I stored everything. I washed baby's clothes. I was like, now I need to lock in. And now I had read somewhere that working out can stress your body. Yeah, labor likes a calm body, a relaxed body. So I even stopped talking for like two weeks. I'd only do like walk, I'd only walk. Um, and you know, I was very I was relaxed. I didn't want anything to stress me. So I did that from like 36 weeks, then like at the end of 38 weeks, I was like, nothing is happening, it's just uh Braxton Hicks on end, no mucus blood, nothing. I was like, now what is this? So I remember um I don't know why the last three weeks of pregnancy feel longer than just like the 10 months in the three weeks. Three weeks, yeah. So I remember every day, imagine like every day I was waiting to feel something. I was like, is that could I be labor? Is that then you wake up and then you're like and there's a day I even had prodromal labor where my breath and hicks were painful, and I was like, maybe could this be it? And then the contraction stopped. So yeah, so that's how the few weeks towards um labor looked like, and then I was was I nesting? Not really. Really? Maybe I don't know if maybe maybe that's what you call nesting, like kind of preparing the house and mine. Yeah, yeah. So I did that, and then I stopped talking out, but then now like the day before I went into labor, I remember I even said, you know, let me trick the universe. Yeah, and I said, you know what, I'm tired, so let me trick the universe that I'm living my life, then I'll maybe labor stuff, yeah. And actually, I think it worked. It always happens like that. So I gave I gave up on all these things. I gave I even stopped eating the dates, drinking the raspberry leaf tea. So now I tell I actually told my husband, I want to go into labor this week. So this is like on Monday. Then he came, you know what? I have a deadline on Wednesday. So can you give back after Wednesday? So I told him sour, but the midwife's brew ingredients and I'll take them Wednesday night after you're done. I really, really arrange uh tried to uh plan. So that's how I went into labor on Tuesday. Oh Tuesday night, and this is 38 weeks and four days. Oh next, yes 38 weeks and four days. Actually, no, 39. I was to become 40 weeks at the end of the week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was 39 weeks and I told him, I'm not what I told him, I I what did I do? I went back to working out. I started making a blanket saying that you're making this before because you know the tricking the the I've never finished that blanket until today. Until today. Finish with him. Yes, so that's that's how I went into labor. And that morning I did a really sharp prospect workout. Like I went back to my life just to kind of forget.

SPEAKER_01 16:28

Yeah, yeah. And what are the signs now of early labor made you now realize that this is now the real deal. The real deal.

SPEAKER_00 16:36

Okay, so my early signs of labor is I remember that day my breast Braxton Hicks was slightly more and they would last a bit longer. Like you know how they say Braxton Hicks, when you adjust, they they stop. Yeah, this one, this one they were not stopping, like they take a bit of a while at um time to to to get over it, and they're not as painful. Then I remember when I came home, I was so tired. But I don't know now because that workout was quite tough. So I don't know if I was so tired from the workout, or this was actually an early sign of labor. And then now, uh, since my book my husband had the dinner on Wednesday, he was working Tuesday night, so I was keeping him company. Then I started having my contractions. Um why can't I talk comfortably through these? I actually need to uh kind of like focus and feel them, and that's how I knew. And then after like two hours of that, that was from like eight to ten, um, of like those they were slightly more painful brax and hicks, yeah. And then you know how your belly becomes square when you have bracks and hicks in a makeup box or lopsided, so now that was happening like more, and I was feeling them more, and then at 10 that started at eight, at 10, I like started losing my makeup's blood. Yeah, and now the contractions are how far apart? They were ten minutes apart, lasting about 58 seconds to one minute. Yeah, okay. That was the sign of my early labor. Yeah, yeah. So now progressed through my labor. Yeah, what did it look like? What were you and Barry up to? Yeah, so as I've told you, my husband had a deadline, a very tight deadline for Wednesday morning. So now Tuesday night, I started laboring. Now, when I knew it was labor, and everybody sent you a picture and I sent them there's a picture. Like, oh okay. Um, that could be labor. I remember you guys are using those terms for could be because maybe, yeah, maybe because it can stop, and then uh you wait another two days before getting to labor from a first-time mom. Yeah, that would really affect all that. So I was like, okay, um, so that's why even when Buddy was telling me, Are you in labor? Yeah, Mary is my husband. When he was telling me, Are you in labor? I was like, Maybe not, maybe not, actually. And I was trying to, you know, this thing for if I say it's not, it will be tricking the university. So I told him, No, no, no, no, no, it's not labor, don't worry. He told me, okay, so I stayed in the room as he was working and he was really pushing. And I remember I think I was folding launch or something, but I had to stop because that's how much discomfort and pain I was in. Then he looked at me and was like, Nicole, are you in labor? Then I said, you know what, I'm stressing this man out. Let me go sleep somewhere else. Let me go labor somewhere else because now he can't work because every time I'm feeling the the pain, I'm kind of like flinching or making that sound. Yeah. So I moved to our room. Um, but then now uh this lasted the whole night. And now as I go to the loop, I'm wiping more bloody show, more bloody show. And now uh what I realized is that was I don't know, the beginning of the bad back labor because now my my pain was in my back. And I remember I would be lying down, try at the moment I started to fall asleep, every 10 minutes I'd be up. And the pain would be on my back to a point where I couldn't keep lying down. I had to sit up and kind of rock back and forth to like relieve the pain. And on a scale of like one to ten, how would you rate the pain? That pain. Okay, that pain for that night. Can I I can see it was like a seven out of ten. It was not so bad, but it was bad enough that I couldn't ignore it. Yeah, and back labor is quite tough. I I remember now. So when I woke up at 9 a.m. I was like, wow, you're not been laboring all night, and I had prayed for a short labor. I'm sure when the midwife comes to check me, I'll be seven centimeters. So I remember the midwife came, one boy came and she checked me. She's like, Okay, you're around three centimeters. I was like, What? Only only all this work because now you know I've not slept. My husband hasn't slept because he's not even tried to he tried to massage me and I told him no, no, make it worse. So he's like, you know what? Let me let me focus on my work. So it were all of us were laboring one for money and work, one for baby. So I remember we were both in the room in the dark because I remember he just kept telling me that labor likes darkness. So I remember we're in the room, I was laboring, he's on his laptop. So that's what we did all night. So when she came and told me two centimeters, I was so defeated because I was tired and I had been diarrhearing, which he told me was a sign of labor. I just kept remembering that your body wants to focus on one thing, so it will remove everything else that's causing disturbing. Yeah. So she came and told me that at 9 a.m. And then she told me to she checked baby's heart trait, and then she told me that if I'm feeling the pain in my back, I need to have baby turn. So she gave me the peanut ball and then she told me to sit on an elevated child's pose and sway my hips every time I get a contraction so that baby can start turning. And while she was telling me that, what did I do? I started vomiting. So I think that's also another sign that we were kind of progressing. Yeah. So she left, and when she left here, um, I found out after the fact that she was not sure I was gonna give birth that day. She was like, you know, this girl could be in labor for another few hours. Yeah. So for me, I was still encouraged. So she left and she left me and Barry here. So I continued laboring, and I feel like this is why the labor was. Toughest for me between 9 a.m. to around 1 p.m. Because I was tired. I'm vomiting and so I'm getting dehydrated, but also quite nauseous. Yeah, I don't want to eat. And I remember everybody begging me, just even eat this dried fruit. We need you to be energized. And he kept telling me, you know, one boy has left and she's told me and it what transfers women to hospital is the maternal fatigue or the fetal distress distress. And you looking like you're getting into fatigue. So you need to lock in. Yeah, and I think that's also something that I really appreciated. When someone knows why you wanted to do a home birth, they'll support you even when you don't have gates. Yes. So he kind of reminded me why I needed I was doing this and why I needed to lock in to kind of have a successful home birth. Yeah, so from around nine, I remember now the pain was the worst. And the contractions are spaced how far apart now? Now they're about seven minutes apart. They moved from ten to about seven. And the pain, Nicole, I I don't even know how to explain to you. Back labor was horrible. Was it like a ten or beyond? Nine. Back labor was a nine for me. I remember I would I would feel it and I would just I'd be like, what did I get myself into? Can can I really do reverse? Can I really do this without medicine, without pain meds? That's that's I was actually um questioning my choices. And you know what kept reading in my mind? Nicole always tells you, When you think you can't do it, you're really close. Yeah. So I was like, you know what that means? That means I'm close. Yeah, I'm I'm here. So that's actually what encouraged me. That you know what? When you think you can't do this anymore, that's your you're even at the door. Yeah. So I had that back labor all the way till 1 p.m. Then I think he actually turned because the pain really reduced. Yeah. Were you doing the child's pose? I was doing the child. Anytime I have a contraction, I'd do the child's pose, I'd use the peanut ball, I'd sway my hips. And now uh the pain changed. And I was like, okay. So now it was now if if back labor is nine, normal labor is like five or six. It's not that bad. So now I was like, okay, so maybe maybe something's happening, maybe, maybe I can do this. Yeah, yeah. And I took like energy gels, Barry gave me like this energy gels we use were running to kind of like give me some energy, and I was vomiting a lot. And now whatever was coming out was like like bright red. Vomit. No, from from my okay, good. Yeah, no, but my vomit was just all the food I had eaten last night, even the gel, I vomited it. I had tried to drink like ISO tonic quarter. I vomited that out. So I was now sure I was in is it called transition? Yeah, yeah, I was in trying. Like I was now moving from uh now maybe not early labor.

SPEAKER_01 24:51

After Ali Labour is active, or there's no middle, no, active is the middle, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 24:57

Yeah, so it's early active transition, then pushing. Okay, so I think I was now in active labor going towards transition.

SPEAKER_01 25:06

Yeah, so now were you aware that you were like changing in the stages?

SPEAKER_00 25:11

Yeah, um, I think so, but only I think it was intuitive. Right now is when I can label them, but at that time I I don't think I was like, okay, now I'm in active labor. Now I'm in transition. No. I think intuitively I was like, okay, now we're moving to a different part, especially after he turned and the back labor. Because now what Wambo told me is as long as he's facing the wrong side, it'd be very hard for you to progress in labor. So once he turned, I was like, okay, I think uh we are we're now at a good at a good speed. So at around 1 p.m., I remember I was just vomiting everywhere. My husband told me, Can you stop vomiting on the carpet? Can I confine you to walk in the tiled areas? He's told me I don't mind cleaning a vomit, but not on the carpet, surely. At least because I vomited on the carpet here, I vomited on the carpet in our room. So he just he banned me and removed this carpet over here and told me, you know what, just walk. This is where you're allowed to. If you want to walk, walk here. So that's a very funny part of my labor remember. So now at one, I remember now. I think we moved from like seven minutes. I think now what five minutes and then uh Buddy called our middle and he didn't even put a text out of the group. We had a group, he was like, Um, I think now we are transitioning to a different part of the labor. Yeah, one boys to talk some of that text. How we are too chill. He's like, um, it seems uh as if we are moving. So maybe maybe you guys can consider coming if you like, if you like, maybe boy, please. So I think I don't know. I think either you really equipped us with knowing that we could do it even on our own, because I don't know why we were so chill. Yeah, make sure you want to. Yeah, you guys, you guys now maybe if you're free, you can come. So um, I remember now when Barry knew that things are going left or like we are really, really serious, is now I started bearing down, like having a very that grant yeah, thermal sounds sounds, which my sister called uh a dying iguana. Yeah, so I remember now with every contraction, I would bear down, like I would want to squat, and then I would make that noise. So he looked at me as like girl, what are you doing? Are you giving birth? Then it's like okay, so it seems like you are, and like one boy had already dropped off like the pool and everything. So I was like, you know what? Let me start filling the pool. They'll find water chapter, they'll find us in the middle of things.

SPEAKER_01 27:39

Yeah, so and had you called by this point, I might just steal the text.

SPEAKER_00 27:42

We never called, the text was all we ever did. Oh I think they're the ones who called us, or yeah, I think he just texted and said, Yeah, I think maybe you should start heading. Yeah, he never, I don't think he ever called. Wow, okay, because once he did what the reason he didn't call is when they replied on the message, like, okay, yeah, they're nowhere now, so they'll find us. So he started feeling the pool, and now I'm just walking up and down, up and down. I remember at that stage of my labor, I was this hypersensitivity you had described, now I was feeling it. Because even if you watched my video, you remember I would lift up my dress. Don't touch me, don't touch me. With every contraction, I'd lift up my my the dairy I was wearing. So um, yeah, so I continue to labor like that. I continue to make those sounds, and buddy now is uh in panic mode because, like, this baby would be born and fall on the tiles, we'll make this water to be ready. So I started filling the bathing pool, and then um Asha, one of the midwives, came and found us. Like, she found me. I had reached the other end, yeah, and then she had me and she asked, she told me, Nicole, you know you're pushing. I told her, I I'm not doing it on purpose.

unknown 28:49

It's my funny.

SPEAKER_00 28:50

So I think she realized, okay, so things are thick here. So she told me, okay, come back here. I want to check and see how far how far dilated you are. So she came, she told me to lie here, and then she checked and she's like, Wow, you're fully dilated, and like one ring is left for your stomach. So it's good time. So she it fills the water, and she's like, I don't think this water will be ready in time. And my husband was so committed. Committed. He asked, Are you sure I have this and this boiling? I can I can make it. And she was like, sir, sorry, sir. It's first it's not even warm enough. She's tall, so we need a lot of this water and yeah, together my pair because it's like she's ready to push. Yeah, yeah. So after he mourned his efforts, now we transitioned to like uh setting up the couch, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:40

And as I continue to to labor and and where's your head at now? Like once you're in transition.

SPEAKER_00 29:47

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 29:47

Are you feeling overwhelmed?

SPEAKER_00 29:48

Yeah, what no, I actually wasn't overwhelmed. I actually think the fact that you're in your comfort zone, I was actually like, wow, when she told me about stinning, I was like, wow, okay, so we are we are getting there. I was like, almost, you know, that um kind of like when you see faith running and then like she gets faster that at least 800 meters. Yeah, that's not how I was feeling. I was so psyched. I didn't I wasn't feeling weak, I was feeling energized. Yeah, and I was like, wow, let's let's get I was like, I feel like that's the exciting part of the video. Yeah, pushing so like wow. So we're getting to the end. Yeah, so that's that's where my head was that I was very, I was really excited. Um, and then I remember I really manhandled Asher. If you remember, like every time my contract contraction came and there's a push up or move up, like pull up the grab the most random part of her body. I really I really apologize to to her every time I see her. Yeah, but now we set up, she set up the area, we cover the carpet, um, and then yeah, with every contraction, now she told me to confine my if I had a con I come and push here on the chair where she wanted me to be, but so now yeah, I started pushing, she checked it to me. Wow, I can see his head. And what time is this? If you can remember, this is like 3 30, 3 45 when I started actively pushing. Okay, yeah, almost four. Yeah, so from start to end, I did like five pushes, five good pushes. I should have done six because I feel like doing five made me have my tear. Um, but I was I don't know, it's the way she was encouraging me. I felt so bad like not getting him out on that fifth push. So I pushed uh the third, the second middle came on like my third push. She came and found us really in the middle, in the thick of it. Yeah, so I pushed five times and the fifth, and how described why why I overshot, like why I pushed beyond the contraption was. I could see how I could hear how excited she was. She's like, I can see his head, he's coming out, keep going, just keep holding, hold it, hold it, hold it, you're almost there. And then for the for the fourth one, it almost like you feel, and then think of it like you're taking a damp with pee. You can feel it coming out and then it goes back in. Yeah, so it's almost like you're taking five steps forward and then three steps back. Yeah, yeah. So I was like, you know what? This last one, it's it's he's gonna come out. Yeah, so I really, really pushed, and then the way I gave back, no one caught my baby, he just fell on the couch. Yeah, so I wanted my husband to catch him, but I think also how I was caughting it was so technical. Yeah, yeah. How is he catching him? And I'm also grabbing inside him too, yeah. So he fell and then I picked him up, and I was like, Wow! I I wish I could relive that moment. I know it was so amazing. I guess I feel like as I told you, sometimes I'm not sure I'm pregnant, and like I that was the confirmation that I was actually had a human being inside my body, not the kicks, like sometimes I'm like, or am I it's gas, yeah. Am I am I gaslighting myself when I'm pregnant? And this big belly could just be assist, yeah, pseudo-pregnancy. But I think like um bathing him and him coming out of me, hearing him. I was like, Oh, there's actually a human being growing inside my belly, yeah. So that was so amazing. I remember I was in like a euphoria. I picked him up, I was and I actually always thought I'd cry when I saw my baby, but I wasn't like I was just so happy. I was so happy to kill my started having skin to skin, and yeah, I was just like, wow. I felt like the butter superwoman that you are I wanted to feel like giving birth, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 33:31

Yeah, yeah. Okay, so what did pushing feel like? Was it painful? Did you feel the ring of fire? I and then had his water broken?

SPEAKER_00 33:38

No, so my water broke on my third push, on my fourth push. Yeah, it hadn't broken by the time I was pushing. How did pushing feel? I remember feeling like a really big mass is trying to come out. Yeah, like yeah, so that's I think that was his head. And like now, pushing felt like wow, I really need to get it out. So pushing was it painful? It wasn't painful until his was crowning. Remember, I felt that ring of fire, it felt like but like burning, like actually how they describe it, it actually feels like it's burning and it's like intense stretching. Just imagine someone really, really stretching you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's that's how uh it felt for me. And uh actually once his I don't know, I don't remember pushing his shoulders. I think once the Z came out, I think it just everything just like yeah, yeah, exactly. It just slithers out and like slides out, yeah. So that was that was really uh I don't think pushing is painful, but it just feels like something needs to come out. Yeah, uncomfortable, yes, uh until now the ring of fire, that painful ring of fire. But apart from that, I was like I just try to like a really bad constipation.

SPEAKER_01 34:50

Yeah. Okay, and the after, so what did birthing the placenta look like?

SPEAKER_00 34:55

Telling your family, yeah, okay. So bathing the placenta, I feel like what what happened? They just told me I we had I had delayed cord cutting, so I waited for the all the blood to cut like for the cord to turn white. Um, and they were just like cleaning me. And then I think this is when they noticed I was bleeding uh quite a bit. So I remember they tried to distract my husband because my husband's looking at all that blood and his eyes were wide on it. They said, Okay, daddy, it's time for skin to skin. So now they took him out of um like the that side of the of the scene. Yeah, um my page. PG. Yes, the more PG side, and um they told they just told me to cough uh because they thought I was bleeding, it was placentable bleeding or a hemorrhage. So when I coughed, and I don't know, the placental feels so weird coming out, just so slimy, yeah. Such a weird feeling. So it came out, and I don't know, it was much bigger than I thought it was gonna be. Yeah, so large, yeah. So it came out, and then now I feel like the process that followed that was worse than living bath for me because I was bleeding so much they couldn't tell where the bleed was from. So they thought I was bleeding from my um uterus, but um eventually they found out that I was bleeding from a vein along my tear, so I tore along a vein. Okay, yeah, so it wasn't like the the um post-bath hemorrhage that's usually dangerous. Yeah, so they actually gave me they gave me the shots that I needed to be given to stop the bleeding, but when they saw that it's not reacting to how it's supposed to be the medicine, they were like, Okay, something else is playing here. Yeah, so can you imagine someone rummaging your vagina after you've just taken? Yeah, so I was so so. So imagine they were there, they're like opening it up. Gosh, I'm remembering it and I'm feeling it afresh in your body, yeah. That was that was worse than giving birth. Because can you imagine a very so raw wound wound? Someone like opening it up. So now they were there because now they're trying to stuff it with gauze so that it they absorb the bleeding, and then while trying to to find out where is bleeding. Oh yeah, that was so once they found out now after they find that out, they have to sew me out. So even getting the injections for numbing me was was the worst.

SPEAKER_01 37:24

Oh, on top of all the sauna, and then the stitching.

SPEAKER_00 37:29

Okay, I feel like I have a separate video just of me being stitched, and I've never come to my watch it again, I've never come to watch it again. I just it was that was the worst part for me. So just well that yeah, so once that was done, I remember they kept telling me just one more stitch. Then they look at me and we may need another one. So I remember they stitched me up and I and I tore inside my vagina. Oh nothing. Okay, so that you stitch inside the stitch inside, yeah. Most of my stitches were inside, and then only one in the perennium. So once they were done, I remember now I was just like, wow, I remember why they had told me to buy sheets that I don't care for, like really cheap secondhand sheets, so that if the blasting never comes out, I can just wear them all. Yeah, but bath is very bloody, it's messy, very messy. Yeah. So I remember now after we were done, they cleaned me up, they um put baby to lunch, um, and I think also he was so tired, he just breastfed for like five minutes and just blacked out and slept. So um, then now it got to cleaning. I remember we didn't even tell anyone that I had given birth until they left. Most people had tried my my sister had tried to call me and she had suspected because I didn't pick up. It's Barry who picked up, and now we had we are so MIA on everything, they were like, okay, make sure these guys are in labor. Yeah. So after all that, I gave birth at 4:30. After my labor from Tuesday, 8 p.m. And finally gave birth at Wednesday for 13 p.m. Yeah. Okay. Not bad. That was not bad for the first time, but under 24 hours. Yeah, that was quite good, I think. Yeah. So they cleaned up everywhere, they did the cleanup, they transferred me because now I have to move from here to my bed. They like put um these pads on the bed so that I don't mess it up with my dad at night, put me into my uh postpartum underwear, um, and just left us okay. Up and then yeah, we just recapped the bath and how crazy that was. How they almost missed it. And then uh they left. But now we had not finished deciding on the names for baby. Yeah, so we had to finish naming him before announcing his birth because we would ask him okay, what's his name? So we had his first name and his middle name, but we didn't have there's a second name we wanted to give him. So once we figured that out, we got like the announcement, hello world. Then we took a picture and told our family.

SPEAKER_01 40:12

That was the first time they they heard about him.

SPEAKER_00 40:15

Yes, so they called and they're like, Ah, so we talked to like you at uh our apartment. So I remember my mom was just like, Are you guys crazy? She said, Is this AI? Are you pranking us? He was like, Call. I knew you were crazy, but not this crazy. Um, my but my husband's parents were just like, Okay, so how did you do this? How did you do this and why did you decide to do this? Yeah, so I'm also happy it was so late. By the time we're telling them it was like 10 p.m. And so they couldn't come. We couldn't come if we were in hospital, they would have come. Yeah, but they they since it was on the like okay, so I will come tomorrow. Yeah, so we were just in our bubble in this house, and we were just looking at each other like we just do that, like that's crazy, yeah. So remember that first night, you could slept with him, but we were all we didn't even get a good night's rest, but we were also tired, yeah. The three of us, yeah. Can you remember? You must have had some babies. Yeah, but he has been uh fighting a deadline, which he actually managed to finish by 8 a.m. I have not for Wednesday, yes, Wednesday 8 a.m. finished. So I have not slept since Tuesday. Tuesday night. So all of us are are tired, even babies. I remember we took a really big family sleep that nap after you. No, it really hits, it really hits until the next day.

SPEAKER_01 41:38

Okay, nice. So now baby's here. I just want because I know I get a lot of people who they want a home birth or they want to make a different choice, but then they're scared of their family's reactions. Yeah, so yeah, so I just want to know how you navigated the aftermath of you know, everyone finding out that you're this crazy person in your family.

SPEAKER_00 41:59

I think also what helps navigate people's comments is just not caring. Yeah. Because people will say the wildest things. And I think I released myself from caring what other people would say. Granted, the most the craziest thing we'll that we're told was you're crazy. Yeah. Apart from but I don't think we got such negative feedback. I think when things go well, it's hard to like poop on on someone's decision. But I would just encourage because you know you never know the spectrum of people's um relatives. You have to be okay with being seen as a crazy person or someone who doesn't care about their health. Because you know, people can think it was a very careless decision, yeah, and and make comments like, you know, you could have died. You you could you should be okay with hearing that.

SPEAKER_01 42:48

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 42:49

I think uh very early on I just told myself I don't care what people think. The reason I've made this decision is because of A, B, and C and I'm okay with what other people see that as. Yeah, so that really helped me navigate um like those comments or anything people would say.

SPEAKER_01 43:07

Yeah, I think for anyone who's like navigating, I guess choosing what they feel is right versus what society thinks is acceptable. Yeah, it's just yeah, I think first of all, mums do so much research. So then by the time, especially if you're picking a home birth, yeah, you've gone through all the rabbit holes to see why it's a bad idea, why not a good idea, yeah. Exactly. So I think just knowing that no one cares about the baby more than you, I think that's what really helped me.

SPEAKER_03 43:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 43:35

And then even just my husband would think it was a big part of the success of that home birth. Yeah. Because everyone would come to him like, Can you talk to your wife? She's doing dangerous nene. He's like, you know, me, I've seen her research for over four years. Yeah. There's someone I trust, it's her. It's her with this decision. Yeah, and it's like she's not making this decision blindly and it's her body. Now you force her to the hospital. And then

SPEAKER_00 44:00

Maybe I'm not forcing. Are you coming to care? You're more likely to have a worse outcome, forcing someone to do something they don't want. And what I'd like to add to what you've said is be okay with a negative outcome and be okay to sit in that in that. Like I had to come to terms with things can go left. And I'm okay with them going left because when I made the choice, I didn't choose so that they could go left. I I chose what I thought was best. So even if things go off, be okay with that because you know sometimes people pretend like things can't go off even in a hospital side. Things can go off anywhere. So you have to be okay with people being more negative towards you. If things went off in the hospital, it would be different than when you choose to deliver at home. So I had to be okay with people being so uh let me say, I don't know, people can call you all manner of things when things go off in a non-conventional setup. Yeah, so I was okay with that. I was I had to be okay with the feeling I'd get if things went wrong, yeah, and how people would comment on that. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:12

I remember I was telling myself, I'm like, hey, you you've backed yourself for this home birth, things go wrong, not the beat you or they told me that I have to do it.

SPEAKER_00 45:20

Exactly, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 45:21

Yeah, but I think also just knowing that when you read, when you see that your chances of giving birth virginally at home and in the hospital are the same. Exactly. But then when you get to the hospital, now you have the pitocin, which increases your chances of yes, the cascade of intervention. Exactly. So it's kind of like by the time you're deciding to be at home, it's like I don't want your drugs, I don't want your fentanyl. Yeah, I don't I don't want the cervical exam. So I think for me, I was just like, why am I paying you all this money and I don't want you to touch me?

SPEAKER_00 45:50

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I agree, I agree. And I think just as everything in life, you have to stand on business when you make a decision. And that's why every decision you make, not even just about bath, should be backed by information. Yeah, nothing you do, um, and especially when you give when it comes to a home bath, should just be done because oh, I'm doing a home bath because Nicole did well. Yeah, what's your why? Yeah, and when you know your why, even if things go wrong, you will never regret. Yeah, because not what you're avoiding is that regret, oh, I should have just gone to hospital. Yeah, yeah. You'd you'd be sad and you'd sit in the disappointment, but you'd not regret.

SPEAKER_03 46:29

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 46:29

If things are to be um brought again, you'd make the same decision. That's where you need to be at.

SPEAKER_01 46:35

Yeah, and for me, even with my second and third, whenever I told people I was pregnant, they just played, I hope you're not doing it at home again. Again, yeah. I'm like, I want to convince you again. Yeah, I'm like, you saw it went well. Yeah, why would I go and but for them they're like that?

SPEAKER_00 46:49

Yeah, that was that was a uh uh you need the still craziness.

SPEAKER_01 46:53

Yeah, so now you need to go where things are controlled. Yeah, I think it's just really interesting just seeing the conditioning and the the brainwashing for lack of a better word, the the medical system has on just your your ability to trust your own body and your choices, yeah. And it's just infantilizing women, which is just yeah, it's the hardest part for me because like so. I grew this baby for 10 months, yeah. But I but then now on this day, yeah, I need to just give everything to you. You don't want to hear my opinion, you don't want to yeah, but if I had a fever, I go to the hospital sick, you know? You don't come, the doctor didn't come to tell me. But that you're sick, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 47:31

And I think also what helped me also bring awareness was even asking the people around me, especially the older generation, where were you born? And it really trips them up.

SPEAKER_03 47:42

Yeah, and they're like, I was born at home.

SPEAKER_00 47:45

How how many of your siblings were born in a hospital? You'll find it's like one or two out of 13 children. And I remember once you asked them that, it really shifts the perspective because they're like, Oh, yeah, my my mom bought most of her kids at home. Yeah, and my grandma was a midwife, and my mom helped her no give other women that midwifery um so she's a midwife too, basically. Exactly. Basically, yeah. So I think we are not so far from the generation of women who used to, and remember you brought that, you really brought that home to me. They're not you're not looking at it as um 50, 60, 100 years ago. It's literally the generation of our mothers, our mothers were birthed at home. Imagine. Yeah, and why why why should it be so such a difficult and weird thing?

SPEAKER_03 48:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:36

That and I think that's why Western medicine has won. And I think why I hate how some people take this is like we are usually throwing medicine. I'm like, that's not it's not an all-on-a thing. I will go if I need to do it. Exactly. I'm not going to die at home. In the name of there's a place for modern medicine, but I feel like they are overstepping their place for a profit these days. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 49:03

Yeah. And just looking at the the history behind it. Yeah. Personally, I feel like if the medical industry wanted to do right by women, they'd give us reparations. Definitely. Like all the harm that's been done to women, yeah. It's yeah, it's quite sad. Yeah, definitely. Yeah, but I think we could get into the politics for I know for another one hour, yeah. But yeah, maybe you can just tell us how you are now, how was postpartum? Yeah, where you're feeling four months now.

SPEAKER_00 49:30

Yes, almost four months, yeah. So postpartum first I feel like I was prepared, but then it still shocked me in some aspects. I remember when the midwife left, they told me, remember to empty your bladder every four hours, but they didn't tell me why. So I remember I felt that that night I slept after giving birth. I didn't wake up after four hours to go pee, of course. So I remember when I when I stood up, I couldn't hold my pee. No, no. I didn't know that um incontinence was almost something every woman woman faces after delivering. So I actually thought something was wrong. I was actually so embarrassed. I remember standing up and I'm like, I'm trying to hold my pee as I ran to the low. But by the time I got there, I wasn't getting the diapers. I was just like, is this why the diapositive diapers because they are bleeding, but not because we are pissing on ourselves. And so I was like, that, and I I feel like I sat in that like shame for like two days and asked one of my friends, did you pee on it? She's like, Oh yeah, for like two weeks. I was like, Oh, okay. Okay, so I'm not I'm not weird, yeah. So that was quite interesting, and um very early on. I feel like also my postpartum was quite easy on me. I feel like uh some women really go through it, and I think my husband was very supportive during those really early days when I'm still sore, so he would really he really kick cared for us in the home to a point where all I needed to do was feed the baby, which is just bring him to the breast. Yeah, that's all I needed to do. Yeah, and he would uh help me if I needed to shower because you know there are your and but I I feel like I was quite I recovered quite quickly. The only thing I felt the only time I felt a bit weird was my first pee, which was really bunny because of my my stitches, but apart from that I could shower myself, um, it was just thought that incontinence I was quite scary. Yeah, and then um I feel like towards like four or five weeks is when I don't know if I can say like postpartum blues kind of hit a bit because I wasn't leaving the house leaving the house is such a mental health hack. Exactly. So just like we really need to touch some grass, yeah. Literally, yeah. So I think towards at at that point I started getting in my head a lot, almost feeling like, will I ever be myself again? Like, will I ever be Nicole who before a mom? And you know, there's a way your mind just encloses you, yeah, because I was just like, Wow, I'm just here feeding, changing, I can't even move much. But I think once I left the house, I was like, Oh, what was that about?

SPEAKER_03 52:11

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 52:12

And I feel like I caught it really early. And remember even my husband telling me, just do something aside from moming and homemaking. Even if it's just I'm a I'm a designer, just design even a house that no one has a state to design. That that can make you get out of this bubble and feel like wow, okay, I'm still the Nicole before you. So that really helped me and him catching that um early on. Um, and now I feel like I'm out of the postpartum trenches in the sense that I'm still not guessing what's wrong with baby. I feel like I've learned who he is and why he's behaving the way he's behaving. And he's not so delicate. I feel like when they usually just start so delicate and tiny, you feel like you can hurt them. But yeah, I feel like um starting to enjoy um being a mom, I'm really enjoying breastfeeding, um and just seeing what our family looks like as three people. Yeah, and like now that he smiles, it's so nice, even though after a difficult moment, he just smiles at you like okay, okay. I I shouldn't have even been upset. Yeah, it's my bad, it's my bad, yeah. I'm I'm I'm the reason, yeah. So yeah, I think I'm getting back into a rhythm, I'm getting back into doing more work, um, I've gotten more help around the house. So that means I have more time to do things that for me. I went back to working out at like four months, uh, four weeks, eight weeks post-partum. I ran my first 10k, yeah, yeah, like this past Sunday. I was supposed to do a 5k. I don't even know how my sister convinced me to do 10k, yeah. But I'm happy I did it because that that um just shows that I've now fully recovered. Although I had a very slight distant pelvic discomfort, which is given my yeah, I keep remembering that my pelvis cracked open like like to let a 3.1 kilo mass out of it. And your intestines were in your in your lungs, in my throat, yeah, yeah. So my body is still adjusting and um so thankful that um my body was able to do what it was it did, and I I can't rush it to recover. Yeah, so yeah, I'm back to my my crossfit. Crossfit feels fine, it's just running when I run for long. I think that pelvic movement is what kind of makes it flare up. But apart from that, I think working out gives me a lot of fulfillment and just feeling like I'm back to myself, moving my body, leaving the house. I had this mom group I used to work with on Wednesdays. I think also being friends with people who are also in a similar stage as you really, really helps. Just talking to people, oh, are they spitting up as much or is this normal? It's 3 a.m. Yes, 3 a.m. Who else is up who wants to? That's yeah, I have a good sleeper.

SPEAKER_01 55:13

Yeah. Um, yeah, okay. Is there anything you'd like to tell someone who's maybe in the same position you are, deciding on what they want versus what is approved and socially acceptable.

SPEAKER_00 55:27

Yeah. Um, first, I would just tell you that from this other side, giving birth is such a beautiful experience. And it's as you once told me, it's a very intimate experience. So if you have the privilege to do a home birth, 10 out of 10 would recommend. Yeah, uh do it, do it, do it. And I would also say that train your mind how you want the outcome to be. And remember there's a time during one of our classes, you said visualize how you you'd want your birth to be and then align yourself to that. So I feel like we should also, aside from that, I don't know, protecting your space and and knowing who to discuss this with also plays a very big role. One person can really tear you down and and instill fear. And don't approach this from a point of fear. Your body knows what to do, and you will know what to do. I know it seems scary because you've never done it before, especially if you're a first-time male. But your body knows what to do. Even that time when I was bearing down and starting to push, no one told me to push. Yeah. But I knew I needed to push, or my body, that's the natural thing it needed to do. So just think about it like that. Um, think about the animals in just a side note. One of my sisters told us that people left Masaymara and hospitals are brought in, so that's why it's still living in the bundles and live like wild animals. But I like that analogy because wild animals don't have people helping them, but and they usually end up giving birth. Right. Yeah. So um think of it like that. If you were stuck somewhere, does it mean if you are didn't have the intervention of another medical practitioner, would it mean that your body would be like, okay, so there's no someone here we can't be a weird, definitely not. So birth is a natural process and it's a process that our bodies are designed to do. And our dis our bodies are designed to give birth naturally and um vaginally, like through the vaginal canal, unless um there's some physiological or even physical, you know that the women who your pelvis is small, so it can happen. So if if everything else checks the box, you can do it. You can do it. So I believe in all your mamas, and I feel like I don't know, I was so empowered by Nicole's birth that I'm I I'm willing to talk to anyone who's willing to listen to me. Like a Jehovah's Witness. Yeah, I'm I'm really I have a gospel and I want to preach it. Yeah, so I'm really burning with this um desire to empower women to believe in themselves and in their bodies. And as you said, we are the ones who know what we are feeling and what's best for us. And you have intuition, so lean into that.

SPEAKER_03 58:22

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 58:23

Thank you. I see uh something in maternal support in your future.

SPEAKER_00 58:29

I'm really really I'm about to come and talk to you. I'm really thinking about it all like really, like honestly. There's a friend of mine who told me, why don't you like get into it? I was like, I know I just may.

SPEAKER_01 58:40

Yeah, yeah. I see it in your future. Thank you so much for sharing. Thank you for letting me be part of such an incredible birth.

SPEAKER_00 58:48

No, no, I feel like if I hadn't met you, I feel like meeting you is the reason I had a successful birth story.

SPEAKER_01 58:54

Oh wow, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 58:56

No, I'm not going along, like honestly. I when I when I'm thanking God for people I met, you're high on that list. Especially on this list of of birthing and my pregnancy. I don't take for granted that our paths crossed.

SPEAKER_03 59:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 59:09

I don't know. I don't know if you I don't know if you I don't know, I'm not usually joking when I say you're super you're you're like Wonder Woman to me. Yeah, I'm I'm I'm I'm usually being very honest. I don't know when I'm getting teary, but like you empowered me so much, and I didn't after like interacting with you, I didn't need to interact with anyone else to know that I I was sure about my decision. Yeah, so keep doing what you're doing.

SPEAKER_01 59:32

Thank you. And I became a doula so I can help my family, so it's it works out well too.

SPEAKER_00 59:37

Yeah, we found out that we are family members questions, so it's good circle circle back. Yeah, all right, thank you. Thank you.

SPEAKER_01 59:54

And that's a wrap for today's episode. If this conversation sparks something in you, share it with someone who needs to hear it so they can feel a little more confident and a lot less alone. We would love to hear from you, so leave a comment and follow the pod so you don't miss any new episodes. We're building a community and we'd love for you to be part of it. Until next time, take care of yourself.