Back again to chat about Hurry Sicknesss - and how it effects your results….
We are often in such a rush to get from point A…to point B…to point Z....
because of how we THINK it will make us FEEL when we get to point Z, to the finish line.
We think there is something better at point Z…but what we end up finding when we get there, is just another mountain to climb, another thing we desire and things we need to have in order to "feel better"…
The problem is this equation is…you.
The answer to feeling better is never at point Z...the answers has always been inside of you.
Just like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz..."You've Always Had the Power."
On this episode you will learn:
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Hi, y'all so glad you're here this week. I'm on here discussing one of the number one problems I see with people trying to make changes in their life. So glad you're here to join me. And I'm just gonna share art with you without further ado. The number one problem, or one of the number one problems I see is that people are trying to get there too fast. They're trying to get the results. They want way too fast. You know, the brain is a very, very fast moving machine.<laugh> right. We can imagine worlds beyond ourselves, but our body is a little bit more of a, a slow mover and it is not capable of moving as fast as your brain, nor would you probably want it to think about how many times you have changed your mind about something. How many times you liked something one day and then you didn't like it the next right? If, if the brain was constantly in charge of your life, you would be flip flopping all over the place. I always say, thank goodness we have our body to root and ground us into this earth and into slow change or in gradual change or change. That feels right. It doesn't mean that I haven't had personal change that happened like on a dime sometimes, but that's often the exception. And I think sometimes in that, it's our, body's okay with it. Like maybe we've actually secretly been preparing for it for months and we just didn't see it. And that it's just meant we're meant to quantum there, but most of the time our bodies are just designed to be a little slower. And it's, I think that's really done intentionally to make sure that we're not just like signing up for crazy things that aren't in our highest good because our brain had a win about them. And that's why on average, I tell my clients like, and why I coach with my clients for a minimum of 12 weeks. It takes on average 66 days to form a new habit, right? A habit's like the, a habit is the embodiment of your mindset work. It's getting it lodged in your body. So you don't sabotage yourself with it. It's learning how to brush your teeth at every day, without like, having to think about it. It's how you, you drive your car, right. It just kind of, you can just do it and there isn't this resistance to it and you don't have to think that much about it. And that's how we create, take the mindset, the changes that you want in your life. And we get them into embodiment that we get them into our bodies. So they just run on auto pilot. Super cool. But so many people I see are trying to read all the books as soon as possible, they are signing up for all the courses. And they're like watching those courses in like a weekend<laugh> or like in a day, or just like even in a week. Right. And they're just, they're so desperate to feel better they're so, or not to feel the way they do. And my heart goes out to you. I have been there too. I have been in some really icky situations where I just felt horrible inside and all I wanted to do was feel better. And I could be, you know, uh, scrolling inspirational posts or watching little YouTube videos and being like super inspired by it and being like, oh yes, this feels so good. I can totally do this. Like, yum, yum, yum. Right. All of this stuff. And then a few days later, I'm back exactly where I am. I might even like buy a course or, you know, do something like that where I'm like, oh yeah, I'm totally gonna do this. This is gonna change my life. And then, you know, I either watch the entire course way too fast and don't digest the information in my body. Right. My brain digest it. But my brain digests so much stuff all the time. It's constantly, I can't remember everything. Right. Our brains aren't designed to be memory keepers, the pro susing machines. They let go of things all the time. The body is more of the memory storage base. And so we have to slow down. We have to learn things slowly. We can't learn too much at a time and retain it. It will just go in one ear and out the next. So you might feel really good about it for a short period of time, but then especially like if you've ever looked at any of those charts of how humans make like new cha make changes in their life or make growth, you always start out with like a lot of early wins. And then you actually drop down below where you even started.<laugh> and there's a lot of hard work and opposition. That's why I think it's so important to have a coach to help you because most of Michael lines are gonna experience where they feel. They're like making all this progress at some point. And then they're up against a wall, you know, on, on it later on, there's always like a complete rejection of it. And sometimes I think that happens, cuz we're moving too fast. And other times it's just the natural way that we're designed. I think the body like wants to definitely make sure that you definitely wanna do this because if you make this change, it's gonna be hard to undo harder to undo. Because again, it takes 66 days on average to, to form a new habit. So I almost feel like it's like the body's way of being like, are you absolutely sure you want this? I really wanna make sure you wanna make this change. And again, thank goodness that we can't be brainwashed on a daily basis by selves, into doing all sorts of crazy that we might regret the next day. Um<laugh> so I feel like the, the body just wants to make sure. And when you and you, when you're like, yep, I'm in then, then that's kind of like the final thing and you can, you start to see a way forward and then you end up with success and then you're kind of there. You get to enjoy having that habit for the rest of your life. But consuming a ton of information really quickly is not gonna make a change. It's just gonna leave your brain with learning a few cool things. Maybe you'll have like one or two antidotes from it, but it won't be anything that's really gonna create a lasting change. And again, why it's so important. What, what I recommend people do as antidote to this is slow. The F down, people just slow down. So many of us are stuck in hurry sickness. And if you haven't listened to my podcast on that, um, I think it's like episode 22 or 23, but it talks about how this culture really, um, wants us to be super productive and is constantly got us like kind of in a mindset trap about having to hurry everywhere. Like we're so busy. There's so many things to do when we do that. When we're always in hurry, we're actually pretty disconnected from our body. We're all up in our head. We're like, go, go, go. And we lose so much potential, uh, really important information for intuition and feelings and guidance to actually help us shortcut where we're going when we're hurrying around a bunch and we're disced from our body. I personally think it takes you longer for you to get from point a to point B to point C cuz you're not pairing attention to the natural information and cues inside of your body, your own intuition. You're actually by not paying attention to that stuff. You're like losing the ability to what I call quantum to move from blank point a to point M because your body has so much guidance and shortcuts in it. So that's one of the huge benefits to slowing down. When you're in a lot of discomfort, let's say you wanna make a big change in your life or like you're shaming yourself or not like do well in your business or you're freaking out about money or you don't like your partner or you can't find a partner. There's so many things that our brains are gonna keep us in discomfort around. Like we can be really hard on ourselves and self-judgment, and we're so desperate to get out of those negative emotions that we over and we're, we're stuck in hurry sickness. Like we just wanna get out of it now<laugh> we consume a lot of stuff and actually that stuff doesn't actually move us forward very far. So the way to help yourself actually get a lot of growth and move forward on your negative emotions is learning how to be okay with negative emotions. Learning that negative emotions are part of life. And the most growth I see in my clients is not necessarily always into having more positive emotions it's into not learning how not to resist your negative emotions and not making a big deal about your negative emotions. Seeing them as just part of the normal human experience and learning how to not let them control your day or cause you to move into hurry sickness or spin out or any of the other things that sometimes we freak out when we're, we're just like feeling negative for a day, that there must be something wrong with us. And how can I fix that? And I don't wanna feel this way, right? Yeah. There's nothing wrong with having some negative emotions throughout your day. Now, if you're having a, you know, serious bouts of depression or anxiety of any of that stuff absolutely goes to the, a therapist or a psychologist. But for the people I work with, like we just have fluctuations of emotions throughout the day. Sometimes I feel sad. Sometimes I feel happy. Sometimes I feel joyful. Sometimes I feel inspired like that is a normal day in my life. And if I'm not feeling all my emotions, I might be like, what am I resisting here? But I'm not attached to it. I don't think that just cuz I'm like upset about something I might have had something like actually like really negative happen. And so I might be more sad for a month. I might be grieving more for a month, but I'm wanting to become aware of, am I choosing to grieve? Is this how I wanna feel about this? And if it is, how can I create space in my day for grieving? So it doesn't overtake my entire day. Do I set an hour aside for it? And I have like a journaling practice I'm gonna do. We wanna make sure we give these emotions that we're trying to resist some space and we can create a sacred container for it. Some sort a container where it doesn't feel like it's gonna overwhelm your entire day. You can just say like during this time I'm going to honor this part of me. And I also will have this practice that if it comes up other parts of my day, if you're dealing with something, some emotion that is very repetitive like that because of something big, negative happened in your life. We've, you know, I have been there before and these practices have helped me stay grounded and to make sure that that emotion had space to be heard in seed and was able to clear outta my body. Let me just tell you about how I take an online course with I'm gonna take one or how I read a book. I read it really, really slow because I want an I'm I'm really discretionary about what I'm doing. You know, I'm, I'm going to really make sure with my intuition, this is the right book for me. This feels right. And I am going to reread sometimes the chapters, I'm gonna read a chapter a week and I am going to potentially reread it. I'm actually reading the artist way for a second time. The first time I read it like three or four years ago and I'm just doing it. You know, that book is a chapter a week, the way it's designed, but I am redoing the second week. So you're the first week for two weeks. I'm now doing the second week for two weeks.<laugh> and I am very slowly weaving it into me because I want to weave in the good stuff from that book into what I call my matrix into my body. I really wanna embody the practices of doing it. You know, I wanna really make sure I'm sitting with the stuff. I don't wanna move too quickly. I'm also taking a course right now, like an online course and yeah, I am was slow with taking it. And part of me inside's like, hurry up. I wanna take it faster. I wanna know the answers. Like I have that part in me too. That's just like, oh, I want the answer so I can feel better.<laugh> but I know I won't hold on to the answer. If I do that, I know I'll have to start back at the beginning. So it's actually not faster, right? That's an illusion slowing down, actually gets you further ahead and it's just better for your body, but it gives your body time to catch up to your brain and it feels good. It's like self care slowing down. It feels good to figure out what you like and what you don't like. Instead of reading a ton of books, limit it, be be discretionary, be discriminatory when you're picking out things that you wanna spend your time on. Don't just let anything in. And when you're taking a course, slow the F down, people<laugh> slow down, let it sink in, let it reside in your body. I just don't think anything really great comes from Hering around working in it with an integrated system between your brain and your body together in a unified way, I believe is just gonna get you so much further ahead in life and this a, a trait, this hurry sickness, this, hurry, hurry, hurry, gotta get the answer. Gotta feel better. You know, we think we're gonna feel better when we get to the other side. But do you actually, have you ever actually felt better when you got into the other side? Has anyone ever read like a self-help book or taken a self-help course? My goodness. I'm sure one of you guys have, right. But, and you've taken it and, and maybe you felt better for a bit and maybe you took one or two things away from it, but a lot of it was just kind of lost to you. And I, I, I really do believe that's because we're hurrying through it too much cuz we're so just wanting to get to the other side and there's really no place to be. You're always just gonna be with yourself. You can't run away from your, we think our, we think we can get all up in our heads and run away from our, our body and somehow disconnect from it. And we simply can't. We have to take things integrative. So the two parts of us are processing stuff and really weaving it into who we are. So with that permanent lasting change, I'm gonna read a little poem at, at the end and just make a few comments about it because this is a poem I read, Ooh, probably I wanna say like eight or nine years ago. And it really impacted me. I was deep in her culture and you know, I thought it was like a good thing to be constantly busy and doing things and producing and achieving and be yet, I never felt satisfied. I always just felt like I was running off after the next thing. And the next thing, as soon as I finished one thing, what was the next thing that had to be done on the list? There was no sense of like celebration, peace achievement. And uh, I read this poem and it really highlighted to me that I don't want this for my daughter. I don't want this for my kids. I mean, having kids has been such a game changer for me because it has opened me up to all the things that, you know, I don't want them to be in me<laugh> and that's at a love and compassion for myself, of course. Right. But qualities, I don't wanna pass along, especially things I know I picked up for of my parents that I saw that were not good for them, that I also catch myself doing. And so, you know, it's having kids is not something that you have to do of course like, oh my gosh, always a choice. Doesn't make you better person for having kids ever. But it has been an amazing tool for me to recognize how I can be a better person, not just a better parent, but just like a better person in this world. So the poems called a hurry from Marie, how we stop at the dry cleaners and the grocery store and the gas station and the green market.Speaker 2:
And hurry up, honey. I say, hurry, hurry. As she runs along two or three steps behind me, her blue jacket unzipped and her socks rolled down. Where do I want her to hurry to, to her grave, to mine? Where one day she might stand all grown today. When all the errands are finally done, I say to her honey, I'm sorry. I kept saying, hurry you walk ahead of me. You be the mother and hurry up. She says over her shoulder, looking back at me, laughing, hurry up now, darling. She says, hurry, hurry. Taking the house keys from my hands.