The Wildly Confident Podcast

Ep. 38: Fail-Proofing your Big Goals

April 07, 2022 Kathrine Weissner Season 2 Episode 38
The Wildly Confident Podcast
Ep. 38: Fail-Proofing your Big Goals
Show Notes Transcript

Trying to get something done that you desire...but your brain is sabotaging you and giving you a hundred reasons not to be consistent..does any of this sound familiar?

"I'll get back to it next week"
"I've had a hard day/week, so I'm going to skip today/this week."
"I need to listen to one more podcast (read blog, ask for advice...)before I make a decision."
"I don't have this "thing"... (aka...a website, a freebie, email marketing, X number of followers, a device, tool or piece of equipment) so I will wait to really start until I get that "thing."

These thoughts lead to.....failed goals, failed new habits, self frustration & self - judgment (that just feel like shit). 

THE PROBLEM is that  people set up their goals wrong - and from there it is almost inevitable that the goal will ultimately fail or if you "succeed" it will be way more painful than it needs to be and will leave you emotionally exhausted. 

Listen in to learn how to actually do the FIRST step of goal setting correctly so you can have a good foundation (and inevitable) success. 

Most people don't even realize this FIRST step exists.

On this podcast you will learn: 

  • The difference between "rainbow goals" and "pot of gold" goals
  • How to re-write your goals so you can get results without the exhaustion & resistance
  • What the real prize is when you succeed at your big goals & new habits


Follow me on Instagram @katweissner and check out my website at www.klwcoaching.com

By listening to this podcast you agree to the following Disclaimer: https://klwcoaching.com/disclaimer/

The Wildly Confident Podcast, LLC is a wholly owned subsidiary of KLW Coaching, LLC, all rights reserved. 

Speaker 1:

Hey, Y welcome back to another week of the wildly competent podcast. Today. I'm going to be sharing with you one of my favorite goal setting tools. So if you are trying to get something really big done, and you are struggling with it, you are in spin out. You might have a few weeks where you're on it and you're doing great. And then you spin out and quit or you stop doing it consistently. There's a few reasons why that might be happening. One of them has to do with procrastination and how our brains are wired. I did a great episode on this. I think it's episode number 25 on understanding procrastination. So please all. So go listen to that one when you're done with this episode, but this one specifically actually has to do with how to set better goals. Sometimes the way we set our goals actually are our problem. They're actually setting us up for failure before we've even started. So I practice with my clients a wonderful goal process that really helps people actually achieve their goals. It helps you start out on solid ground and solid footing, and it's all based off of the science between process goals and outcome goals. I know two very generic business. So I'm actually going to be switching them up and doing a little visual analogy for you. So you could have more fun with this, but the goals that I am adamant with working on my clients with are known as process goals, and we're gonna also call those rainbow goals. And we also, I also always set outcome goals with clients, and we're gonna call those the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow goals. So let me<laugh> let me explain to you what these two different goal types goal setting types are. An outcome goal is an end result that you desire. So for a lot of the clients, I work with some examples of outcome goals might be 10 K months. It might be a million dollars a year in their business. It might be having a soulmate partner that they absolutely adore. That's an outcome goal. It's what you would get. If the outcome we're here right now, if we snapped our fingers, it's tangible. It's usually very measurable. You know, you either have it or you don't have it. You either are getting the$10,000 cash in your checking account each month, or you have the million dollar results from your business or you don't. I call this, this like the hot at the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. That's what an outcome goal is. Now. I definitely always set outcome goals with my clients when we first meet, because we want to know where we're going, but we don't wanna stay so fixated on the pot of gold. We actually are going to be doing for most of our time that I'm working with my clients. And especially for all of you out there who are listening to this podcast and wanting to set some of these goals on your own, we are going to be doing what I call process goals. And what's known as process goals. And a process goal is a goal that is basically bite size steps to get to the outcome goal. And it's not just bite size steps. It's almost bite size shifts in your belief system in the way that you, in your thoughts in your emotions, it's so important and shifting your emotional, your emotions y'all know I'm primarily a confidence coach and people shifting into a more confident state is actually what gets them the outcome goal. So for me, a process goal is that rainbow a process goal is the rainbow. You follow to get to the gold at the end to get to the outcome goal. And you have to follow the rainbow in the sky. You have to be on your journey in order to get to the outcome goal in order to get to of gold. At the end of the rainbow, you literally cannot get to that pot of gold unless you follow the rainbow. And if for some reason you happen to get to the pot of gold, not following the rainbow, you will lose the pot of gold. You will not be able to hold onto those outcome goals. Let me give you an example of this. And again, this is a story of why it's so important to be on the journey, to be on your rainbow goals, to be on your process goals. Same thing, right? Process is like we're doing the process of getting a goal. It's the little tiny micro habits and changes in beliefs and changes in our energy. But that actually are the things that need to change in order for you to get the outcome you desire. You can't skip the process goals. Now here's an example of, um, something that's pretty well known, where a process goal might be, um, skipped when people win the lottery. So someone's desiring a lot of money and they are going out and buying lottery tickets out of who knows what? Like they're just feeling it or they're feeling scarcity, or they just desire this money. But we, we kind of know they're also in scarcity a little bit because they don't have the money yet and they're desiring it. And so they win the lottery and they get the millions of dollars and y'all know what happens to that money. Have you guys seen the statistics on this, on somebody in this particular case that does not have a process? Gold does not have a rainbow, just gets the pot of gold. It just gets dropped off at their house. Do you know what happens? Are they any happier? No, they're not any happier. There are studies about this. So people think they're gonna be happier when the, when they win the lottery, but when they do, they're not actually happier. Now, my next question for you is do they hold onto the money? Are they able to keep the millions and millions of, of dollars they've won? Y'all it doesn't matter if they've won 500 million or 1 million, 70% of lottery winners will lose all of that money. Or I E spend all of that money within five years or less. Why, why is this the case? It's exactly the reason why I don't advocate for focusing on outcome goals for constantly focusing on the pot of gold. Because even if you get that pot of gold, if you get it too early, if you haven't been through your process goals, if you skipped process goal steps, you will not be able to retain your outcome goal. You will not be able to retain hot of gold because you have not made any shifts in your energy, in who you are. As a person, you have not up leveled your life to be able to hold that kind of money, to be able to hold those types of clients, to be able to hold those types of business. I talk about this in terms of expanding yourself, but it's certainly expanding your belief systems, expanding and understanding your business growing as, as someone in your business up leveling your business. It's all about up-leveling yourself. Because guess what guys, businesses, your business is you, your business is, or are the people who work there. And so that is why process goals are so darn important because they are the rainbow. You follow to that eternal pot of gold. When you do process goals, when you do these rainbow type goals, when you're following the rainbow,<laugh>, that's the journey. There's that cliche statement that it's always about the journey. And it is absolutely true because the journey is the result you want. When you've journeyed to building a million dollar business. When you have journey to doing those 10 K months, when you have made that journey and you've gotten that result, you know, you can repeat it again. You're not in fear or scarcity around it. You're never going back to where you came from. It's a very solid led foundation to be in. It feels safe. It feels secure, but the only way you got there was by doing the process goals by doing the micro practices day after day, week after week, month after month of changing and upleveling yourself, by changing your beliefs, changing your action, changing how you're showing up in this world, right? Upleveling ourselves. So we're the type of people. You are the type of person that has that million dollar business. You are the type of person who has the 10 K months. And so much of making that upleveling is about confidence. It's about believing in yourself. It's about having the confidence to make big decisions and having the confidence to take the actions, to make the big decisions, right? To make them happen. That's the journey. When you're following the rainbow, you will absolutely always get to the outcome. You will always get to the pot of gold. I've seen it happen over and over and over again. When you get distracted by the pot of gold and you're obsessed with the pot of gold and all you're doing is thinking about why don't I have that pot of gold? Why don't I have my 10 K month? Why don't I have that$1 million business yet? Why don't I have that? You're so frustrated. You're stuck in spin out. You're not going to make any progress and you're not gonna get any closer to the outcome goal. And even if someone waved a magic wand and suddenly gave you that outcome goal suddenly gave you that pot of gold, like a lottery winner, what do you think would happen with it? Well, the odds are not in your favor. Most people, because they haven't been on the journey to actually build that sort of business. Don't know how to maintain it. Don't know how to take care of it. It's gonna get messy. They're gonna potentially lose it. And then they're gonna be freaking out. They're losing it. And then that freak out's gonna actually cause'em to lose it even more. You have to build the confidence that you're capable of holding that kind of money, holding that type of business, having those types of clients on the journey with the rainbow goals, IE process goals. Let's talk about some really fun process goals that you might wanna work on for your business or in your personal life to help you towards your outcome goal. I'm sure you proud, probably know what your outcome goal is already. And I, and I wanna say this about process goals and outcome goals too. We don't wanna be coming from a place of fear with our goal. So we don't wanna be coming from a wound setting a goal from a wound or a trigger point for us is also a surefire way to have a goal take a lot longer. Doesn't mean you won't be able to achieve goal set from trigger points. And I'll give you some ex examples of goal set from trigger points. It doesn't mean that you won't be able to achieve those goals. It just means it's gonna be really uncomfortable and there's a bigger chance you're gonna quit, cuz it's gonna feel so. So here are some examples of goals set from wounds and it can be, and, and you'll know it because you'll feel it. And the same person could have the same goal as you, but it's not set from a trigger. We know it's set from a trigger because of our answer of why we want it. So let's say two people have the same goal of making a million dollars in their business or having those 10 K. And if I asked one person why they wanted to have that goal, like why they want that goal to come true, why they want to have that outcome goal that, that rain, that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, why they want it? One person might say, I'm just so excited about the growth I'm going to have when I get to that place. And they're gonna say that feels pretty good. When I get to that place of having these 10 K months, I'm just so excited about all the things I'm gonna learn, how I'm gonna up level my life. Just the, just so excited for that. That is a goal set from a good, a place that feels good. And those are the types of goals I want you setting. And you can take any goal. You want any like your 10 K goal and you can reframe it in a way that feels good. Sometimes it's just semantics, but it's really important to do this. And I, and I literally will spend 20 minutes with a client sometimes working through how to get the right semantics. So it feels good. That's how important I think it is. Because if you do not have a goal in the beginning, that's set up for success. You could spend weeks and weeks and weeks or months working on something. And then it's just a total du, because when you set a goal from a negative emotion or your trigger point or wound, you are going to really struggle with getting it done because you're gonna be looking for evidence all over the place of how, you know, you're not meeting your goal and how that's proof that you suck, or you're not worthy or any of the other things. So let me give you an example, same goal million dollar business,$10,000 a month, whatever, you know, you might be aiming for. And that person's belief is, you know, if I get that amount of money, then I'm good enough, or this was worth it, or it proves I'm good at what I'm doing. And when we come, I mean just feel that energy, right? It's like, we're doing it at a desperation. We're doing it to prove ourselves wrong because you already don't believe in it. And it's not exciting either. You're like desperate to get a result so you can feel better. The only way you can feel better is by working on your thought, same thoughts and beliefs inside yourself. It's by working on limiting beliefs and limiting thoughts you have about yourself, mean thoughts you have about yourself. That's how you feel better. Coach a, who is making$10,000 a month with the positive thought and coach B, who's making$10,000 a month and got there through the negative. Thought it doesn't. I wanna say this. It doesn't mean you won't still get the result. It's just gonna be a whole lot more painful and it probably will take longer. You will be hustling. You will be overworking. You will be overwhelmed. You'll be in such a rush to prove something to yourself. You'll be going too fast or you'll be going way too slow and making no progress and stuck in spin out. And you will get frustrated. You will be mean to yourself. You will be in self-judgment. I've seen this so many times. I've even that goals for myself like this, where I didn't realize I was setting it from a negative place. I didn't even know there was a difference.<laugh> I just thought like, I, I, most of the goals I made earlier in my life were always to try to fix something in me. And it doesn't mean that we don't have the same outcome goal. Okay. Doesn't mean that we still don't focus in the 10 K months, but we reframe it in a way that's super positive and empowering and motivating to us, uh, in terms of the process goals around it. And that will change everything. And that is something I do with my clients during, in the first or second session, if they are stuck on having a outcome goal, that's coming from a trigger or a wound or an order for me to feel better about myself. So here, if you are stuck and you're noticing that your goal in your business or in your life is coming from lack scarcity, feeling crappy about yourself and wanting to change because you don't like yourself. First, have some compassion for yourself, give yourself a big hug, always have kindness. And it's so good. You're aware that that's where it's coming from. This is how you're actually gonna change things for the rest of your life, becoming aware, and then making a choice to make, to engage with it differently. Not that we need to fix ourselves in order, we need this external thing. We need to fix ourselves. We need to have this money so we could feel good about ourselves. Actually, your journey here is to learn how to feel good about yourself without external things. That would be one of your process goals for this and the way we'd go up out, reframing this, uh, outcome goal for someone desiring to make the 10 K would be to say, and again, it's gonna be different for each person, cuz we all have different brains and different feelings. So this isn't a catchall, but this is just an example that I am going to be so excited to get to the pota gold because I know I'll be able to repeat this 10 K in any business I want. I'm gonna be able to repeat and have the safety and security of knowing that I can do this no matter what. And I'm so excited to learn about the growth I'm gonna have as a person on that journey on that process, goal journey. When I'm on my, on the rainbow and you see how that just so different from I'm gonna make 10 K a month to, I can't wait to know what it feels like to have the safety and security of knowing I can make 10 K consistently, no problem. And all of the personal growth I'm gonna go through on that part of the journey. The prize here is not the pot of gold. The prize is the rainbow. The prize is the process goals because those are the things. When you learn those things, those are skills. Those are habits. Those are up. Those are that's where you up level your life, where you will have those things forever. It's a, it's the feeling of confidence. It's the feeling of, of, uh, surety. It's the feeling of clarity of knowing yourself of trusting yourself. That actually is where the gold is, is in the rainbow, but not to confuse things, but it's never the thing at the end. It's never the million dollars that you desire. You desire the things you learn when you're on your journey to the pot of gold, to the money. It's always the things in the rainbow. And I'm not saying it doesn't feel great to have a lot of money. I'm just saying what feels good about having a lot of money<laugh> is knowing that you can have it no matter what, that it isn't just gonna disappear, right? It's the abundance mindset that comes with having a lot of money that feels so good is having a bunch of money and being in scarcity mindset. Does that feel good? I don't know. lottery. Winners who basically lost, you know, millions and millions of dollars within five years. No, that's not gonna feel good. We have to do the work of learning, how to up level our lives. And there's really, there's really, really, really nothing wrong with you. Now you are exactly where you need to be. You are perfect whole incomplete just as you are. And we're just going on this journey. We're just following this, us this rainbow for fun because we wanna see how we can up level in our lives. Not because there's anything wrong with us now, but just to see how, what we're capable of just to see how our life's gonna expand and how we're gonna grow. And we go on that journey. Do you see how much better that feels than I have to make 10 K? Because if I don't, I'm a loser or I'm not worthy or this business wasn't worth it, or I, you know, any of the other thoughts going through people's brains when they typically make goals. I mean, just like use the example of weight loss. If anyone has ever tried to lose weight on this podcast, we're usually making those goals out of feeling crappy about ourselves. We hate our bodies. We don't like the way we look and how often do those goals fail or, or okay. Like we end up quitting or we get to our goal and then we end up just putting the weight back on. And the reason why that ha and I'm not an advocate of weight loss or, you know, one way or the other, like, I don't think, you know, everyone has their own personal choices on what they wanna make. If they wanna do that stuff, um, and lose weight or do whatever process they want. But if we're not on the journey of losing weight from a place that feels good to us, even when we get to the pot of gold, we're like, oh, I'm finally at this weight, this feels like, yes, I did it. You'll be in scarcity and fear of gaining the weight back. Right? You won't feel confident that you know how to repeat again, how IU did this. If you just skipped to the pot of gold too fast, a lot of people can do that. Like they'll set up these ridiculous schedules on how to lose weight. They wanna do it like now because they feel so bad and they just wanna feel how they'll feel at the end, when they're at this weight, they think they're gonna feel better at, and they'll either eat a lot or work out like crazy or just be really mean to themselves. And if they end up getting to that weight, I E the pot of gold. I don't even wanna call it that in this particular case. But if they end up getting there, they're not gonna actually typically feel better. They're gonna be totally freaking out. They'll gain the weight again, cuz they didn't really go on the journey. And they made the goal from a negative place. They made the goal. They, they went through the journey way too quick. They did not follow the rainbow steps. Like they want way too quick. And again, they made the, uh, decision to lose weight from a place of not liking them themselves of being mean to themselves as a perfect example. I don't know any woman who hasn't done something like this. And it's really sad when I think about that in our culture about how much weight and our body can really hold women prisoner prisoners. And so if you are in this place around your weight, lots of love and, and compassion to you and if you've ever experienced this, it's good to recognize why maybe when you did get to the end where you lost the weight maybe, or if you never got to the end, right? If you're still struggling with it and being mean to yourself, why you might not be able to get the real success you desire in your life, which is really to love yourself, to love your body. And it's the same thing we think about our business. Our business often is a tool just to help us love ourselves. More, to feel more confident about ourselves, to trust ourselves like this business journey of making 10 K the business journey of making a million dollars in your business. However you wanna look at it. Yeah, the money's great, but the real, the, a prize here is learning to trust yourself, learning to love yourself, learning how to do hard things, learning to do the like trust your own words. So follow through on the things that you're doing, getting rid of limiting beliefs that are holding you back, inspiring yourself and inspiring other people. Those are the game changer that you are gonna learn when you are on your process, goal journey, your rainbow journey. So if your outcome goal is that powdered gold at the end, it's the million dollar business. It's the 10 K a month business, whatever level you're at right now. And you are looking to figure out what some process goals are. I will share some with you right now, so you can start brainstorming for your business. Here are some examples. One might be showing up, live on Instagram or Facebook twice a twice a a week. Another one might be going for a walk three to five times per week because that's important for my mental health. One might be journaling every morning, doing your morning pages, doing a brain dump or doing your mindset work every day. If you work with me, you will have homework. And some of the work we do is this mindset work. It's so important to start to understand how your own thoughts and beliefs are creating the results in your life. It could also be deciding that you're gonna provide the best customer service and figuring out what that's gonna look like. Like the specific things we think about what sort of business would I have. If I had a million dollar business, what would we be known for? Would we be known for providing the best customer service? Would we be known for having the coolest creative content out there? That's just so mind blowing. You have to figure out what your outcome goal would look like for your business. And then you work backwards. We figure out when I have that million dollar business, when I have that 10 K month, what would it look like? And then what, what can we add in the next 12 weeks, six months, one year to help us up level and to help us get to that place where we are just at that pot of gold, where that pot of gold is inside a buzz always. And we never have to go find it again, right? We weave it in and we incorporate our outcome goal into who we are. And we literally become that. So it's consistent and inevitable. This is how I help people get consistent income because we do the process goals. We figure out the things that need to happen. The small micro practices, including a lot of mindset and somatic and embodiment work people. And we do those things and then we just naturally become the pot of gold ourselves. So we never have to worry about lose it. We don't have to go out journeying for it again, it's just part of who we are. We are that abundance. I hope you enjoyed this podcast on process goals versus outcome goals. And I hope y'all have a nice week. Bye.