Ep. 56: Yin Dream Home Makeover (for all you “Yang”-ers)

Ever wake up in the middle of the night anxious about a relationship, money, work or your own repetitive negative patterns?

Struggling with figuring out what to do to find clarity, peace so you can stop being woken up each night and feeling like shit about it and so you problem can finally be solved.

Tired of wondering why the pattern just keeps repeating even though you keep trying new things?

Been there…listen in to see if a little Yin Home Renovation is what you need to start sleeping soundly through the night & taking new actions that actually get you the results you want. 

Follow me on Instagram @katweissner and check out my website at www.klwcoaching.com

By listening to this podcast you agree to the following Disclaimer: https://klwcoaching.com/disclaimer/

The Wildly Confident Podcast, LLC is a wholly owned subsidiary of KLW Coaching, LLC, all rights reserved. 

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:25

Hey y'all, I am excited to be back here this week and I am gonna continue talking a little bit about what I talked about last week, which is yin. I think this culture is very yin depleted, and I think there that's a lot of r the reason why we see so many negative things happening. Now, don't get me wrong, there's plenty of positive things, but there's also a ton of negative things from global warming to people starving, right? Murder, just, just horrific things going on in this world. Child exploitation. There's so many things that if we sat there, homelessness, the denial of, or the denial of really the , the proper care of people who have , uh, mental illness, right? It's like, it's all roots from society. It's not that individual's faults. All of the problems we have in this wor world are societal problems. We weren't born this way, but we can become this way because our structures are being de deleted , depleted, and destroyed in this culture. And this all comes back to what I talked about in last week's podcast, which has to do with yin yin yang. And I , if you haven't listened to that, I highly suggest you go back and listen to it. But I'll just give you like a really quick little snapshot. Yin for me is the structure. It's the functional piece. It's the receptive magnetic piece. So within us, our structure, our is typically like our beliefs and our thoughts. And we have different beliefs and thoughts for different areas in our life. And it can also be our body, literally the physical structure of our body. And yang energy is literally just like energy running through the world. And , uh, it's seeking, it's seeking a structure to run through. And as it runs through that structure, obviously the structure affects the energy and that's gonna then affect what you're gonna create. Yin are is like thoughts and beliefs. And yang is like , uh, the force driving the action that creates in this world. It's how we create, it's how we even create. We create everything like physical things, but also how we create relationship. And having a good balance between yin and yang is really important, except this culture is so yang focused . It's like produce, produce, produce, action, action, action. And if you listen to Las week's episode, you know, I have been advocating a long time , um, you know, I've been advocating a long time in my own life to have more yen . I fought it cuz I didn't really understand yian . And that's why I think it's so important, important to talk to you about this today. Cuz yen isn't about sitting around and just waiting for something to happen to you. It is about structure. It's about the, the thoughts and the beliefs inside you, the structures inside you, and how those are magnetizing certain experiences in your life. So if you have experiences in your life, if you have repetitive conflict where

Speaker 2: 3:23

You are dissatisfied, you want something else in your life and you keep taking different actions and you're like, why do I keep getting the same thing? Or sometimes, why do I keep doing the same action? Right? It's, it is a structural issue. A structural meaning. It's a belief system issue. And you know, I some ways to think about this, like in terms of analogies, cuz a brain just loves an analogy, right? <laugh> is, yin is like a car, okay? It's literally the physical structure of a car. And yang is like a person driving it. Like it is, it is an energy coming into it and propelling it forward without the car the person wouldn't get very far, right? It needs the yin, it needs the structure of the car. Without the person, the structure would just be sitting there empty, right? It wouldn't be going anywhere. And so you see the importance of these two were these two elements, these two parts of nature, structure and energy working together. Everything in life is created through structure and energy. Everything around us was created that way. Everything, because there was a structure, right? Some sort of product and someone put energy into making it. And that's what creates the physical things around us. And it also creates our relationship and how we create, how our structure in us is existing is gonna have, you know, our thoughts and our beliefs being that structure, right? And also, like I said, our physical body, if we're not getting enough sleep, if we're not eating the way our body wants us to eat, all of those things are gonna have some repercu repercussions on what we're manifesting with the energy running through us. And so it's really important to focus on yin, and I just don't think we, we spend enough time doing that, at least my, my clients and me. Historically, I have been super yager for so long in my life, I have been so focused on production because that is what is valued in this society more than anything. We are constantly fed images and stories , um, and , and belief systems that have to do with being productive and what that means about who we are, that we're worthy, that we are, we, you know, are part of this society in a worthy way. And if we're not, then we should be ashamed of ourselves, right? That there's something wrong with us if, and we can have this shame all over the place, right? It could be in relationships, it could be with money, it could be with your friend, your friend group, community group. There's so many places that this sort of not fitting into society's standards comes , comes into play. And so many of us move to like an action stance where like, how can I yang my way out of this? How can I take action outta my to , to get out of this state? And yeah , some, some people do need some more yang energy. I'm not denying that. But a lot , lot of people are just operating from society , uh, structures, internal belief systems that are just covered in society's shame , uh, internalized shame they've taken in, right? Society has shamed us in certain ways or wanted to produce shame in us in certain ways so it can get what it wants from us. I e more productivity, more capital. All of these things that, you know, I'm not trying to say they're not awesome. There's so many good things about capitalism. What I'm advocating for is a balance. And actually when we actually sit in our more thoughtful about the structure about the yin, that capitalism could be so much more than it is, it's just so heavily focused on the yang right now. And that , that there's just eventually you're gonna get depleted, right? Let's say your structure, your yin your car is like not a very healthy car, okay? It's kind of like falling apart, okay? Um, the belief systems around it are not belief systems that are gonna live, like, create beautiful things and wonderful things. The belief systems maybe are like, some people deserve things, other people can starve. You know, I feel like , um, and capitalist society, like we all live with the fact, we all know that there are people literally starving, and yet we have a surplus of food. Now, sure, we don't know how to fix that problem, but if we were spending some more time, I think in structure and really, I mean, I'm talking about spending like half of your time working on structural things, beliefs, thoughts like that to type of thing, right? And you might be like, that's way too much, Catherine , so don't worry. Take a deep breath, okay, <laugh>. But if we were spending more time and , and figuring out the structure, those problems could be solved. I feel so strongly about this. There's just not enough time, there's not enough thought put into structure. And, and structure of course includes like procedures at companies, right? It includes looking at things and a like a larger sense outside of yourself too. Not just like a , an know corporation is like an entity or company is like an entity that you know is bigger than just the human being. I'm talking about, you know, my work, I work one-on-one with people. But if we're working with like a huge organization, that structure affects a huge community in a way that they need to be thinking about how their choices, their structure is affecting the community around them and making choices from that place. And I firmly believe when you're doing that, it is going to benefit everyone involved. You're not going to make any less money in terms of happiness. Yeah, you might make like $500 million less this year, but you're still really happy with like the $50 billion you made <laugh> , right? Like when we, when we start to put things like in that light and you realize I helped feed, you know,

Speaker 3: 9:18

500,000 people because of this. Like, was it really a big deal? And I just don't think it is, I think, but we need to slow down enough to look at the structure. Anyway, I'm, I'm going off on like how I think corporate corporations need to reform themselves. <laugh> . But back to the personal level, right ? This goes right down to the personal, you know, and if you're not o like , I'm not saying like, Hey, let's spend 50% of our time here. Now I'm saying like, let's just spend like 10% of your time there. Let's spend like 15% of your time there, okay? Um, in yen , in looking at the structure of our lives. If we are , if the structure in a certain area of your life , so let's just take an example, it can be, oh my gosh, there two of the main things I hear from women. You know, they're either, they're dissatisfied in their relationship, meaning there's something in their relationship that just A, isn't working, or B, they're out of a relationship and they're feeling like there's no one out there. They're constantly dating, right? This is like one sec. It's , it's your relationship house. We're gonna start thinking of this as your, as your house of relationship and kind of like we're gonna be , um, creating it in our mind's eye. The last podcast I asked you guys to draw some art and we're gonna elaborate on that a little bit more today. The other, another area that's very common, I said there was two, but I'm gonna bring up three now, is money stuff. Okay ? Money. Um , people have like their house of money and they have all these stories around, all these beliefs around it. And then the fir third one is the house of time. So productivity , um, how you use your time. Are you overwhelmed? Do you feel like you don't use your time well? Do you not have enough time? Like all of the things, do you feel like you're hurrying around? How does, what is your relationship with time? So pick if you have a , a repetitive conflict or something that just feels icky inside your body of these three or maybe even a different one, right? Pick that out for the practice we're gonna be doing today. And I want you to go ahead and connect with that part of you. That structure. I , cuz I talk about structure. I'm literally like, I want you to think of like a structure, like a house, like a building. And I want you to think about what that building might look like. Okay? As you are looking at this, this beautiful structure inside of you, what does your structure of time look like? What does your structure of relationships look like? What does your structure of money look like? And uh , the last episode, if you didn't, didn't do this, you know, or actually just start doing it now. Draw out what it looks like. You know, you might, even if you're not driving, if you're in a safe place, close your eyes. Pull up what that building is in your head. And I want you to , to just draw out that structure. Describe it. Is it big? Is it small? Does it have doors, windows? What color is it? Can you hear any, sounds like all of this stuff. And if you want to right now, you can pause this podcast and draw out your building and

Speaker 4: 12:18

Um, come back to it. Okay? Now, what I want you to do now that you have the outside of your building, is I want you to walk through the door. If there is a door, right? Some of these buildings, people have have like no doors and like a moat and that you can't even get in. Yikes. Like that's the structure you're running energy through for your relationship. No. Like you're , and you wanna be in one, like that's not gonna work, right? <laugh> , I mean, so much love to you again. Big hug. Um, I use humor in my podcast. I think if we can, you know, laugh, learning to laugh at ourselves provides a doorway to deal with some, some parts of shame and judgment in ourselves or just the reality of where our life is right now and know that we can always change. That's the beauty in it. There's infinite possibilities to change. And this is an infinite time right now to start a fresh start, right? Ta-da . Doesn't that feel great? So let's go ahead and walk in into the building you have, and you can write out, you can describe it or you can draw it. You know, what is it like inside? Does it have lots of rooms? Is it light? Is there, is it cozy? Is it cold? Do you see anything in there? Okay, are there, are there scary corners? And is there like someone like, kind of creepy in the corner, like lurking, like what is going on with this structure? What do you see? Go ahead and write out some notes. Okay? And you can write out some notes or you can draw it, it doesn't matter either of those is gonna work, but I want you to get it outta your head. I do not want you just to think about this. When we keep things in our head, it's like it stays there for forever. I don't know how to describe it. When you get it out, you're allowed to reflect on it. And so drawing it out or um, writing it out's really helpful. And likewise, it's really helpful to share it with somebody as well. Now a lot of people, this is, this might be too private for them to share with some people. So don't share it with someone if it feels like not comfortable. But you also could, after you do this, share what you drew with somebody else. Um, but just preface to them that you don't want them to help you, right? You don't need them to offer advice like that. You just need them to witness you or presence you. Not that like I'm against advice or anything cuz I clearly have this podcast, which <laugh> it would seem like I'm giving advice to everyone. But I, I just wanna make clear, I'm just sharing with you guys what I'm getting guidance to share. And often when I, I have a huge list of podcasts I wanna do. And , but when I sit down here, I have very few notes about what I'm gonna talk about. I just have to be in the right state of mood to kind of like channel things through me and then I just share them as they come out. Which you guys can probably tell because <laugh> , I have lots of like little comments I make that, you know, maybe wouldn't have been in a scripted podcast, but it's important for me to have fun on these podcasts and flow. You get to choose what you want from this podcast. What resonates always, of course cuz you're in charge of your life and you know what's best for you. And I , I just wanna reiterate that again, that you are creating your life. And this podcast is not advice, it is just me saying words. And then you, there's like a chemical reaction, you listening to it. And I should do a whole podcast on points of attraction and chemical reactions between people. Cuz this is absolutely fan , uh, fantastic. And it has to tie into these structures with yen as well and what you're attracting in. So I will do that. But what you are , why you're here is there is a reaction, there's a reason you want to be here. There's almost like a chemical reaction, there's an attraction point. And it doesn't mean that you want me like in an , in like a intimate way. It just means there's something interesting here that you , that is holding your focal attention. And 95% of the things I say you're not gonna listen to, that's not on your attraction list, but like 5% are, and that's what I'm saying is like, I'm not telling you what to do, you're simply listening and taking with you the things that you need. Okay? You're just looking at a piece of art and you're like, I like that color, or that makes me feel this way, right? You're taking it and you're digesting in your own system. So when people try to help us, like their immediate response is to help us or give , uh, give advice to us. Like it's coming from like a good place. It's coming from a place where they want the world to be a certain way, but it can stop us from accessing our own guidance and , uh, trusting what's best for us. And so I always, I like to suggest that when you're sharing with other people, that you kind of preface it and you say it from a place of love, of course that you love them. And if they, if you want advice, you'll ask them , right? Because sometimes you want advice, but a lot of times we just wanna be heard. We wanna know that we matter enough for someone else to listen to us and for us to hear our words said out loud, you know, I'm not like a particularly religious person, but I once heard that words spoken out loud or like they're like a prayer. And again, why I'm not like super religious or anything. I think there's something in that words said , said out loud is like, it's like a , a prayer heard by somebody else. And it's important that we say our words out loud. It's important that we say our stories out loud. Otherwise we'll just be always taking in other people's stories and we won't be living our own life to some extent. I mean, you still will be, but your beliefs will get covered up. Your thoughts will get covered up by other people's thoughts and beliefs. And it's important that we say who we are. It's important that we speak it out loud and it's important that we're witnessed by someone else who loves us, that believes we matter. That just lets us be in that space and be who we are without

Speaker 3: 18:13

Trying to fix us, without trying to tell us anything's wrong. That just says, thanks for sharing, okay? Try it out. It's super fun. Okay? So that's one thing you can do too if you feel comfortable enough, share, share your stuff with somebody else. And what we're , what we're gonna do here is just some, some fun stuff, right? Because if you have like your structure, if you find your structure, you know, I've been using the car analogy, but you know, we can use a house analogy here too cuz that's, that's visually what we're doing. If you're , if your structure is , uh, pretty rundown inside, there's like a table with the chairs knocked over, there's like flowers spilt on the floor, there's like a ghost creature in the corner. Um, there's also an area where there's some beautiful flowers and a spring and a meadow and there's like animals that talk or whatever, whatever came up in your structure, <laugh> , right? Because here's the deal, like no one's structure is completely dark. You know, we , because structures are born like you're born whole, perfect and complete. There's at the core of everything, you are good, you are love that is in the structure no matter what. And because we're humans and we're multi-layered, like we have all these experiences, nothing, no ex like your experience of money isn't all bad. It isn't all gonna be like super dark in there and fear-based. It isn't gonna be full of like nothing but trauma. There will be some experiences in there that are positive, okay? Um, and the same. So we're gonna , the house is gonna have the structure's gonna have all sorts of stuff in it, okay ? And that's super fun. What we're looking to do is intentionally create a structure that supports what we want to call into our life. So if we're wanting to attract in more money, if we are wanting to attract in a specific relationship that we desire, if we're wanting to a , to attract in a better use of our time, for lack of better words, <laugh> , uh, situation where we're like enjoying our life more, we're not overwhelmed, we're like, everything we're doing is things we wanna be doing. You know, we're making choices. We feel empowered and free, right? That time can be an incredibly free way to get more free in your life. Um, as you work through your, your relationship with time. If we wanna attract in more of what we want in our life, what kind of structure do we need? And it's important that we, you know, of course with loving kindness, talk to these, this parts of the house that are a little, little dark, maybe not structured very well. Maybe like the roof's caving in someplace. Okay? So if , if the energy is running through this structure with a caved in roof, what's, what are you gonna be creating? You gonna be creating a solid relationship? Probably not. Okay . Um, just like with the car, just like, you know, just like with society, you know, like, you know, if, if we have kind of a rundown structure, one that hasn't been thoughtfully put together over and over again because we're constantly changing, so we're taking enough time to think about the structure we need to create the things we want in our life, and, but we keep throwing tons of energy through it, we keep expecting it to work. What do you think's eventually gonna happen? Car's gonna start falling apart, right? Car's gonna eventually break down and then where's the yang gonna go then? Right? It's just yang without a structure is just random, incoherent energy going everywhere. It's like you can't manifest whatever you want, like anything. It's just blah . So this intentional structure creation is so important. Like a manifesting board's kind of like an in intentional structure creation. And so maybe if you wanna maybe be helpful to create a manifesting board just for this one area of your life, you wanna focus on shifting, there's a lot of different things you can do here, but I would, I would start with just inviting in some elements to your structure that are gonna , um, make it more inviting to get what you want. A big thing that I find comes up here for my clients is that they haven't really invited themselves into the structure. Like them as like a whole person. Like they are, they , they matter in this structure. There's no, it's like they might not even feel like they can live in this structure. It's like someplace they wouldn't wanna live someplace. They're not welcome to come to and there's no place that makes it feel like a home to them where they can matter. So I wanna ask you, I mean, if that's where you're coming from, and if you're not, that's fine, you can still answer this question. What could you do in the structure to make it more loving to you, to welcome you into the structure more? That's what I want you to think about this week and how you can add that to your, to this structure. The structure is just a belief system. So what we're doing right now is we're making space for you to exist as a person in the structure. And this is why boundaries work is absolutely critical to the work I do. Um, boundaries work always comes from for a , from a place of love for yourself. And we do it because we love ourselves. We don't do it to control other people. We don't do it necessarily to protect ourselves from a place of fear, right? We do it to protect ourselves from a place of love because someone else is trampling on who we are. They're saying, you don't matter. I don't wanna listen to you, you need to change in order for me to like you. So they're trying to control us. We have to have boundaries around that place because we love ourselves, right? When a boundary comes from love, it sticks really well. So often these things that are in our house that are kind of decaying the house or not helping the structure, they all come from society. They don't come from you. They come from experiences in life where you were taught that something in you is quote unquote bad wrong. You should be ashamed. You can't be who you are. If you're that way, I won't love you. And we told ourselves like, we can't fully be here. We're not allowed to be here. We have to shame ourselves and say that's wrong. And there's nothing wrong with who you authentically are. And part of why you're not able to manifest what you want is part of that structure is deeply shamed by society. And part of what I help clients with is des shaming, right? Des shaming those parts, noticing with a good boundary. That's mine. That's not mine. That's society, right? That, that's not me. That's society. Society wants to say I don't matter, I do matter, right? And that can be easier said than done. That's part of why I do. I work with clients for six a full six months. It's a process to learn the mindset work I do. And then we also do , uh, energy work and we do some somatic work, right? Because these structures are in the body, they're energetic and they also have to do with our thoughts and belief systems . So I just, I always suggest like, let's invite ourselves back in because the, the darker places in our structures are all society shaming factors. What we wanna do is we wanna invite ourselves , create a space where we want our authentic self might wanna be. And even if that's in a tiny corner of the room, right? What might you want there? Is it a playful space? Is it a beautiful playground, right? Where you can swing and eat your favorite Mexican chili con queso, <laugh>. Oh my gosh, that, that might be my spot. Also, it would have like a hot spring there and a cloud you could ride on. Anyway, all of these things matter. All of these things matter. And I just want you to create that space for yourself. And what I'd like you to do is to have a few of those images maybe on your, you know, you can put it on your screen, on your iPhone, you could put it on your manifesting board. If you end up doing that, you can put it on your, like tape it to your computer. If you work it at a computer, like put it in your car. Like for me, like just hearing this, I'm like, oh, a cloud, I could like float on and drive. Like I'm going to find a little cloud. I'm going to print it up and I'm going to put it on my car and then I'm gonna share it with people, right? Because I just think it's delightful to share the different aspects of our unconscious kind of mind that floats the top. It just reminds me that I'm allowed to have space here. I'm allowed to be, I'm allowed to have my cloud, okay? That's part of my structure is fun, windy, and I'm gonna start bringing that forward. Anyway, I hope you enjoy this episode. Some of the work I do dealing with society's , uh, shame that are living in our structure, right? That's some deeper work and I might do a podcast on some ideas on working with that, but that's really the work I do one-on-one with clients more than, you know, most of the most of the time is working through these things. Um, but the, a great way to get started on any of this is just inviting more of your authentic, joyful self into the space to take up space. For gosh sakes, you matter. This is your house, gosh darn it, <laugh> . And put some of yourself, whatever it is, into that space and enjoy it. Have a great week. Bye.