Perspective

Alexa Loryn shares part of her testimony, the loss of her dear friend, and how it's never too late to seek God.

Download my FREE ebook "30 Days of Prayer: Bye, Bye, Anxiety" at www.imalexaloryn.com

Follow me on IG/TikTok/Facebook: @imalexaloryn

Transcript

Copy Transcript Copied

SPEAKER_00 0:00

I'm Alexa Lauren and welcome to my podcast, Heart of Seeker. Today's episode is called Perspective. If you follow me on Instagram, Facebook, or TikTok, you would have seen that one of my really close friends actually passed away this past week. And something that I did the past few days was just reflect on our friendship and what I learned from that. And this episode's gonna be a little different than some of the other ones where I'm teaching a lot more, but I really wanted to share the dynamics of the relationship I had with my friend, along with what I learned through that friendship, and also what I feel God taught me. My friend's name was Karen, and we actually met in a very strange way. And before recording this podcast, I felt like I really wanted to be transparent of just the way things went down, and really Karen was a bit a part of my testimony. So losing her was very difficult, and I'm gonna try my best not to cry during this episode talking about her. A little bit of background. I actually received Jesus as my Lord and Savior when I was about seven years old. I was not raised in church, but there were times in my life where my parents did take me to church, and then we would go years without going to a service. And I remember when I was about seven in church, I just really felt the Holy Spirit move me and I received Jesus as my Lord and Savior, which is important for the future of this podcast as we progress. When I was about 17 years old, I didn't know if I still believed in God or not. I was questioning a lot of things, I felt like things weren't going my way, and so I felt like why continue following quote unquote these rules and trying to please God when things aren't going in my favor. And like I said, I wasn't really raised in a Christian household, I wasn't really guided, and so I pretty much just had these assumptions and thoughts in my mind that the Word of God was a rule book. And I was so, because I was a people pleaser, I was so obsessed with trying to be so perfect and follow this rule book. And when I didn't see the results of my faithfulness, according to me, and following this rule book, I felt like, what was the point? I couldn't live up to it. And I started really questioning and doubting if I should continue pursuing my faith in God. Fast forward during this time, I at this point had maybe a couple of boyfriends, um, nothing too serious, but a lot of my boyfriends would break up with me because I refused to have sex with them. And so from there, I met this guy, and I was just like, you know what? I'm so tired of guys breaking up with me. I'm gonna give this guy, quote unquote, what he wants, right? I was thinking that by having sex with this guy, that I would get what I want in return, which was love. So, with that being said, I went ahead and gave in to the temptations of the world and was like, sure, let me just do it and see what happens. It was horrible, and the guy was a terrible person, and I really regret doing that in that sense, out of the, you know, compulsion of wanting to please the world and to please others to get what I wanted because I didn't feel like God was giving me what I wanted, which was a nice guy that respected me and wanted to do things the right way, right? Quote unquote the right way. So moving forward, uh, one day I receive a message from this girl. Uh, she calls me, but she hangs up. And so I text her and I'm like, hey, uh I'm in class right now. How can I help you? And she's like, I dialed a wrong number, like kind of uh a little aggressive about it because she said some other words. And I was like, Oh, it's okay, no worry, no need to be hasty. And she says to me, Do you want to talk? And I'm like, sure. And so she calls me and she's like, Um, do you know about so and so? And I'm like, Yes, I'm dating him. She goes, Well, I want to let you know that I'm also dating him. And I was like, Oh my gosh. So this guy was dating both of us at the same exact time. I had no idea. She happened to find my number in his phone and she contacted me about it. And of course, I'm like, oh my gosh, I just gave this guy quote unquote what he wanted, and here he's playing behind my back and hate hanging out and dating other girls. And I was actually just like really upset about it. And instead of being mad at her, I was actually really thankful that she called me and told me, and I actually believed her to the point that he bought us the same exact teddy bears. And I was just like, wow, I can't believe this. So, what I ended up doing was we decided to meet up, and we met up in person right before we go to this guy's apartment to confront him. And so we go ahead and he was like 19, just to give you an idea, I was 17, he was 19, and she was 19. Um, so we weren't like that far in age. And from there, we go ahead and I told her, because she had broken up with him at this point. I had just found out everything that was going on. So I went ahead and I went in first in the apartment to confront him. And I said, I know about this girl named Karen, I know that you've been also dating her and me. And so I was like confronting him, and he got really upset and mad, and she came and knocked on the door, and he's like, That better not be her. And he disappears, he comes back, and he has a gun pointing at me. In that moment, I felt this bubble of protection come around me like nothing could harm me. It was really strange, but I'll never forget the feeling that I had when I felt the Holy Spirit just like cover me. Except at the time I didn't know that was that is what was happening. So from there, I went ahead and I actually got angry and I said, Don't be stupid. What are you gonna do with that? Put it down. So he cocked the gun and he put it down on the countertop, and he was just starting to just spew rude words to me, like try and be rude, and honestly, I don't remember because I just ignored him. And all I could feel inside of my heart was, do not let her into this apartment. And so if they kept telling me, do not let her into this apartment. And so I didn't because I was actually fearful he would do something to her, because in that moment I felt like he couldn't touch me. And it was strange because he didn't do anything to me. He didn't lay a finger on me, didn't do anything to me. Now he tried to spew things at me verbally, but I again don't remember what he said because all I could think of in that moment was I needed to distract him from letting her in the apartment. Fast forward at this point, um, her and I become really good friends, and we start, you know, I eventually turn 18, we start going out, we start talking a lot more, and we just really hit it off. And it was always funny when people would ask us, how did we meet? And we'd always be like, Who wants to tell the story this time? So, with that being said, uh went ahead and um when I'm about 19 years old, God starts really working on my heart and spirit, but I still hadn't fully submitted to him because I was really falling into a deep depression by the time I was 19 years old. I really didn't know what was happening. So I decided um I needed some counseling, I needed some help because I was just really struggling emotionally with everything going on in my life. And I remember by the time I was 21, I decided, you know what, I'm so tired of living this lifestyle. I really want to try and pursue God and get to know Him. And so I went ahead and I decided to get baptized at 21. And I rededicated at 19, but I got baptized at 21 and decided to try my best to submit my life to God the best that I could. And so from there, I started my path and journey to seeking the Lord. And my friend, she at that time did not really wasn't really on the same page with me. Like she said she didn't believe in God, but that she believed there was a greater power. And so I always respected her beliefs because I believe our relationship with God should be very personal. And so I went ahead and I continued down my journey, but that never stopped us from being friends. And it was in one of those days that I was in a Bible study, and the gentleman giving the class said two scriptures, and it was actually a book on prayer. It's a book that I learned to pray with when I was in my early 20s. I was about 21 years old at this point. And this, these two scriptures really stood out in my mind, and God brought to my brought back to remembrance that moment of when this guy pulled the gun out on, you know, pulled the gun out and tried threatening us and everything. And the scriptures were Isaiah 54, 17, that says, No weapon formed against you shall prosper. And in that moment, I remember that bubble of protection I felt, and I was like, wow, this was actually a physical weapon that was formed against me, but it couldn't prosper. And this was the next like catch. When I heard this verse shortly after, it just like completely like opened my eyes to be like, wow, God was protecting me even when I was faithless. And it says in 2 Timothy 2 13, even when we are faithless, he remains faithful because he cannot disown himself. So remember, I accepted Jesus as Lord and Savior when I was seven years old. Here I am, fast forward 17 years old, not sure if I believe in God, what my belief is, what I want to do with my life. And it says, even when we are faithless, he remains faithful because he cannot disown himself. And that really got me to think in that moment that one, no weapon formed against me shall prosper. So God protected me. And two, even when I didn't know what I believed, he was still faithful and protected me because he lived in my heart already, even if I was questioning him and not sure. And so then later, when I realized that my friend, according to her, she in that moment and time, she was not saved. I felt like the reason I felt in my heart not to let her into the apartment was because I felt like she did not have the same protection and covering that I had, even in my faithlessness. And so I just sit there and I often think of that testimony of how God kept me and protected me and also the beautiful friendship that I formed with her, even if we didn't see God the same way later on in life. So throughout the years, we continued to be friends and we continued to share our lives and talk with each other. She moved to another state over time. I got married twice over the last 10 years, and so we did eventually lose touch. In the last four years, we had lost um touch. And I remember always thinking about her. I was still friends with her mom on Facebook, and I'd reach out and check how she was doing, and we would get in touch and talk here and there. But in 2017 was the last time that her and I had spoken. So I didn't really know what had gone on in the last four years of her life. I don't know if she ever came to know God. I don't know if she rekindles her relationship with God, or I don't know much of what her um faith was at that point in life. But I do know her mom is a believer, and I know that I'm hoping that she came to know God. But through all these questions in my mind, and I remember praying and praying and fasting for her salvation one day and not having an answer. I still don't have an answer, and I may never have the answer of what her um final decision was regarding her faith, because I know the last time I talked to her, she was like exploring her own relationship with God, but I don't know at what point or extent that went. And I remember feeling like grieved, like concerned and worried about her salvation when I found out she went missing on Tuesday, June 15th. And I remember I find out on Thursday, which I don't know what day it was, it must have been the 18th or something, and just feeling heartbroken and crying and really just hoping and praying to God that she would be found, praying for her, praying for her salvation, praying whatever came to my heart and mind, and that we would be able to find her. Except the outcome was not how we hoped. She had actually passed away by the time the search and rescue crew found her. She was hiking in Arizona. Um, and unfortunately, we I still don't know all the details of exactly what happened. The only thing I know is they don't suspect any foul play. But I share all this to say in that moment of grieving for my friend and remembering the beautiful friendship that we cultivated in spite of our different beliefs and respecting one another, but yet encouraging one another in different ways was our salvation. That tomorrow is not promised, and we don't know at what point our time here is going to end on earth. And really, the importance of cultivating a friendship with God and knowing God, and that it's not about rules and it's not about a rule book. And the reason I created this podcast was because I think so many, including myself, can be so religious. I I remember I struggled a lot with that. I would look at the Bible like this rule book. And if I didn't follow all these rules, like I just wasn't gonna make it to heaven, right? And I struggled with that for many years. And something I just really felt God begin to speak to me that day was He brought the book of the story in Luke 23 to me when Jesus is being crucified. But before I read that um passage to you guys, I wanted to continue sharing just what I felt God teach me through this. That it's never too late to accept the love of Jesus Christ, dying on the cross for our sins and the love of God through his son Jesus. And I also learned through all of this that life is too precious and too short to take for granted and think we're gonna live forever, or that our friends and family are gonna live forever. And I feel like the other thing God taught me is the Bible is not a rule book. It's like a good parent, a father, a mother that wants to instill values and give you advice. But at the end of the day, like we talked about incident obsession, it's up to us to make the decision of how we're gonna apply that information in our life. And as I was thinking about this, I was like, that's exactly what the Bible is. It's not a rule book, it's a guide. It's God wanting to instill and impart wisdom into our lives. And that way we can decide how we're going to process the information. And obviously, from there, we decide how we're going to apply it to our life. And so I think if we begin to see God's word that way and building that relationship with Him and allowing His wisdom to guide us, I feel like it would also save us a lot of heartache in the future. And the other thing is it's never too late, like I said, to receive Jesus as Lord and Savior. I truly believe if we confess with our mouth and believe in our hearts that Jesus died on the cross for our sins and was raised again, that we would have eternal life. I truly believe that if we just confess that, because I sometimes have people say, Well, if I don't pray and read the Bible, you know, does that make me a bad person? But they might have accepted Jesus at one point, but maybe they didn't continue with building that relationship. And I told him, I truly believe if you confess that Jesus died on the cross for your sins and that he rose again, and you believe that in your heart, and I believe that you would be saved. And I just feel like you're disservicing yourself by not reading the word of God and seeking his face because he's gonna, he wants us to have a life of abundance, but also he wants to encourage and guide us through those trials and storms because it doesn't mean just because we received Jesus, we're gonna have this perfect life. If anything, it says you will have trouble in this world, but take heart, I have overcome the world. And through God's word, he teaches us how to overcome and to trust him and rest in him, knowing that he has our best interests at heart and seeking his face. And so I want to go ahead and read the story that came to my mind when all of this was happening and I was processing all these different emotions in Luke 23. All right, in Luke chapter 23, verse 39, it reads, Then one of the criminals who hanged mocked Jesus and said, If you're the Christ, save yourself and us. But the other answering rebuked him, saying, Do you not even fear God? Seeing you are under the same condemnation, and we are indeed justly, for we receive the due reward of our deeds. But the man has done nothing wrong. Then he said to Jesus, Lord, remember me when you come into your kingdom. And Jesus said to him, Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with me in paradise. And when I read that, and I remember that actually, and then reading it again, makes me realize that it's never too late. This thief is hanging on the cross. He comes to the realization that Jesus is the Son of God, and he says, Jesus, remember me. And he tells him, Today you will be with me, meaning that he acknowledged him. It doesn't say, Read your Bible, pray to me, seek me. In that moment, this guy is on his deathbed, pretty much, and he accepts Jesus as Lord and Savior, and Jesus tells him, You will be in paradise with me. So I truly believe it's never too late to accept Jesus as Lord and Savior. And I really encourage you to seek God and to desire to know him. That it's not about religion, it's not about a rule book, it's about relationship. And like I talked about in sin obsession the last episode, you would see that it doesn't matter. We shouldn't be so focused about what sins we've committed and not committed, but instead getting into the presence of God, because in the presence of God, we it's where we're transformed. So I'm gonna go ahead and pray for us. I just want to say, Father God, thank you for today. Thank you for your love, your kindness, your mercy. May this word fall on good soil and take deep root, Lord. May you water it with your everlasting water and love, Father God. May those listening come to know your true love, Lord. That it's not about rules, it's not about trying to be perfect, but it's about knowing you, Lord, about seeking your face and allowing you to transform us by your love. Because it says it's our your kindness that leads us to repentance, Lord. In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. One little thing. If you guys want to follow me on TikTok, Instagram, or Facebook, my handle is I'm Alexa Lauren. And you can follow for weekly encouragements, videos that I post. Sometimes I try to do some lives. So if you want to stay connected, make sure to check out those links. And you can also visit my Linktree. Um, it's Linktree backslash I'm Alexa Lauren. Make sure to subscribe to my book release. I'm looking to launch my 30 day prayer book within the next couple weeks, and you will be able to get first access to the free ebook as soon as I release it. It's a 30 day prayer book on anxiety, full of scriptures and praying according to the word of God to encourage you. Take care.