A Change Question - How Do I Know When I Have Outgrown This Change?

Welcome to A Change Question — a special mini-series from The Inner Game of Change.
In each short, solo episode, I bring you one question worth sitting with — the kind that can spark both personal and professional shifts.  

There are moments in life when a change that once felt right begins to feel small.
 It has shaped us, stretched us, and carried us for a while.
 Then, almost quietly, we realise we have moved beyond it.

In this short, reflective episode, Ali explores the question:
 How do I know when I have outgrown this change?

Drawing on Paulo Coelho’s The Alchemist, the words of Leonard Cohen, the insight of Toni Morrison, and examples from The Lord of the Rings and Little Women, this episode looks at the deeper layers of growth and the quiet signals that tell us we are ready for something different.

This is not advice.
 It is a gentle pause.
 A moment to think about the changes that have served us, the ones we may be carrying out of habit, and the possibilities that open when we release what no longer fits.

A short episode for anyone sensing that they have outgrown a chapter of their life, their work, or their identity.

Ali Juma
@The Inner Game of Change podcast

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Chapters

• 0:07 A Story Of Outgrowing Change
• 0:41 Clarity Is Temporary
• 1:13 Structures That Support Then Confine
• 1:59 The Inner Game Series Frame
• 2:32 When Change Starts To Pinch
• 3:15 Literary Mirrors Of Growth
• 3:46 Developmental Drift Explained
• 4:21 A Gentle Three-Part Practice
• 5:12 Growth Ripples Through Others
• 5:53 Unplugging To Notice What’s Next
• 6:13 Your Question For The Week
• 6:31 Invitation To Continue

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:07

I want to start today with a moment from one of my favorite stories of transformation, The Alchemist by Paolo Coelho. In that book, Santiago realizes that the treasure he has been chasing is not the treasure he actually needs. He has traveled far, he has learned, he has loved, he has stumbled, he has grown. And suddenly the change that once felt essential begins to feel small. It no longer fits the size of who he has become. That moment stays with me because it raises a quiet but powerful question. How do I know when I have outgrown this change? And it makes me think of something Leonard Cohen once said. This came from one of his later interviews around the time of You Want It Darker. Each time you find your clarity, it dissolves. I smile every time I read that. Clarity is temporary. We grow and what was right for us at one stage loosens its grip. And then there's Tony Morrison. In her essays, especially Source of Self-Regard. She talks about how the very structures that once support us can later confine us. That line has lived in me for many years. Change can liberate us until it does not. Coello Cohen Morrison. Three very different voices pointing to the same quiet truth. Growth does not always come from adding something. Sometimes it comes from releasing something that has already done its work. This is a short solo series inside the inner game of change, just me exploring the questions that stay with me and offering them to you in case they stay with you too. It is not therapy and it is not advice. It is simply a quiet moment to pause together and think about the changes shaping our lives. How do I know when I have outgrown this change? Here's something that I have noticed in my own life. Sometimes a change carries you for a while, it teaches you something, it strengthens you, it makes you braver or clearer or steadier. But then, almost without warning, it begins to feel restricted. Not wrong, just too small. Like shoes that helped you walk a long distance but now pinch at the edges. Stories understand this well. Think of Frodo in The Lord of the Rings by J.R. Tolkien. He begins with a task that shapes him, challenges him, and transforms him. But there is a moment at the end when the very journey that forged him is no longer the journey he can stay in. He has outgrown the world he saved. Or Jo March in Little Woman by Louisa Mayalcott. She spends years fighting for independence and purpose. Then her own change matures. What once fueled her becomes a different calling. Her relationship with change evolves as she evolves. Both stories show us the same thing. Outgrowing change is not betrayal, it is growth. Psychologists sometimes call this developmental drift, an idea that appears in adult development work by scholars like Robert Keegan in The Evolving Self. I quite like that. It reminds me that change is not a destination, it is a companion. And here's a small truth many of us discover the hard way. We cling to changes long after we have outgrown them because they feel familiar. Familiarity is warm, but it is rarely where growth lives. So maybe the real question is not should I keep going, maybe it is does this change stretch me or am I repeating it out of habit? If you want a simple way to sense whether you have outgrown something, here is a gentle practice. Look back. What did this change once give you? Strength? Structure? Hope? Has it already done its job? Look around. Does this change still open you or does it now keep you small? Does it energize you or does it drain you? And look within, is there a pull, even a quiet one, towards something larger, something more aligned with who you are now? Growth often whispers before it speaks. And here's something that I have seen again and again. When we outgrow a change, the people around us feel it too. Colleagues notice it in how we show up. Family senses the restlessness. Friends pick up the subtle shift in our own tone. Outgrowing a change is not a private moment, it ripples. A leader who outgrows a project carries new clarity into the team. A parent who outgrows an old pattern sets a new emotional tone at home. A person who outgrows an old fear becomes easier to be around. Growth leaks always. The writer Anne Lannett once said in her book Bird by Bird, almost everything will work again if you unplug it for a few minutes, including you. Sometimes outgrowing change is simply unplugging long enough to notice that you are ready for a different path. So here's my question for you this week. Where in your life do you sense you have outgrown a change? And what might open up if you gently loosen your grip? And if you want to explore more of these ideas, come over to the Inner Game of Change podcast. You might find something there that meets you exactly where you are. Until next time, stay well.