#163 From Hiding to Healing and Wholeness

Today, I interview Elisa Negroni, who grew up silenced—not just by family secrets and trauma, but by a culture that told her to stay small, stay quiet, and never question authority.

Raised in Puerto Rico and Jamaica, Elisa learned early that speaking up came with consequences. A teacher once told her she wasn’t “college material,” and a cruel stepmother punished her for simply existing.

The silence followed her into adulthood. For years, Elisa avoided the spotlight, convinced she had nothing to say. But deep down, she longed to be seen. Everything changed when she discovered Speaking Circles and began her journey inward—toward healing, self-trust, and the voice she thought she’d lost forever.

Today, Elisa is a coach who helps others drop their masks, rewrite old stories, and reclaim their power to speak. In this powerful episode, she shares what it really takes to break free from silence and stand in your truth.

Her story is a testament to what’s possible when you stop hiding and start honoring who you are.

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Elisa Negroni is a certified coach, facilitator, and storyteller who helps people break free from silence and reconnect with their true voice. Trained by Radiant Coaches Academy, Speaking Circles International, and in the Peace Circle process, she brings both deep training and lived experience to every session.

With 30+ years in community relations, personal development, and transformational coaching, Elisa blends professional insight with her own powerful journey—from growing up silenced to guiding others through their healing.

She helps clients uncover the stories that have kept them hidden and speak from a place of truth, presence, and self-compassion.
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Find Elisa here:
https://www.elisanegroni.com/

https://relationalpresence.com/

Free Gift: https://power2speak.myflodesk.com/d7gv7aoohe

Transcript

Transcript of Interview

Find Your Voice, Change Your Life Podcast

Podcast Host: Dr. Doreen Downing

Free Guide to Fearless Speaking: Doreen7steps.com

Episode # 163 Elisa Negroni

“From Hiding to Healing and Wholeness”

(00:00) Doreen Downing: Hi, this is Dr. Doreen Downing. I'm host of the Find Your Voice, Change Your Life podcast. I'm thinking about that title today. I've been doing the podcast for about four years with 160 guests, and I think the truth is that people, especially nowadays, need to be hearing these stories about how people have struggled and how they somehow woke up and decided to take the journey—the inner journey—to tap into who they truly are and find the voice.

The voice isn't just something that's hanging out in the air. The voice comes from inside of you, who you truly are. And sometimes, early in life, we don’t get the chance to figure that out. Those early life experiences can stop you from realizing that you are already brilliant.

So, today I get to introduce a friend of mine, Elisa Negroni. Hi.

(01:21) Elisa Negroni: Hi Doreen. Nice to be here. Thanks for having me.

(01:26) Doreen Downing: Sure, I'm going to read a little bio so people get to know you right away. Elisa Negroni has been certified by Radiant Coaches Academy and Speaking Circles International and has trained in the Peace Circle process. She holds a degree in social services.

She is also a speaker and writer, with over 30 years of experience in community relations, personal development training, relationship and transformational coaching. Elisa's personal history makes her particularly compassionate and uniquely qualified to help her clients.

She guides them to release the old stories that keep them stuck, remove the masks that keep them hidden, empowering them to trust and share the deeper truth of who they truly are.

Well, all of that sounds like a perfect blend of what I’m doing and why the podcast exists, and why you do what you do. This is wonderful—that people get to go on this journey with you and know that if they’re here because they’re attracted to my work, they’ll be attracted to yours also. Thank you.

So, big breath, which is always a good way to open up the space for conversation. I’m curious. I always like to invite my guests to uncover and dive down deep into your personal history—where you grew up, where you were in the family.

I know you mentioned secrets. You may not want to start with that, but you’ve written about yourself, so it’s not anything that feels off limits. Someone told me this: the more you get to the truth, the more you reach people.

 (03:41) Elisa Negroni: True. I agree with that a hundred percent.

(03:44) Doreen Downing: There you go. That's the intro.

(03:50) Elisa Negroni: Hmm. Well, I grew up in, initially, Puerto Rico, and then at age seven, I went to Jamaica, where I lived ‘till I was about eighteen.

I guess I found out where I lost my voice, where I started to hide. Some of it comes from early childhood. I grew up with my grandfather and uncle, so there was a big generation gap. My grandfather was old school—you don’t talk about things. That was the first thing.

Then I went to a school that was an all-girls private British Presbyterian school. Sounds oppressive? Exactly. You listen, you regurgitate, and you don’t ask questions.

Then I had a teacher—the first person I’d say really shut me down. When I talked about going to college and wanting to be a psychologist, she suggested I should perhaps consider trade school. Said I wasn’t really college material.

I also had another teacher we all avoided. No one wanted to raise their hand, because if you got the answer wrong, she’d come right up to you, wag her finger in your face, and say, “No, no, no! New donkey, donkey, donkey. Goaty, goaty, goaty.”

It’s kind of funny today, but it was very traumatic for me. Not everybody was as affected, but that cut deep. And through life, because I didn’t speak—if there was more than one person in the room—I had nothing to say. So, a lot of people assumed I didn’t have anything to say.

(06:42) Doreen Downing: Yes. From the belief to the actual experience of attempting to say something, when there's been so much shutting down.

Well, I have a question, because it’s very uncommon—nowadays or even when we were growing up—to be raised by a grandfather and an uncle. There’s got to be a story there.

(07:09) Elisa Negroni: Yes. We moved to Seattle—my dad, my mom, and me—when I was three. Around October, she contracted polio and passed away.

The backstory is that my grandfather was really upset at her for leaving and going off to the U.S. He was deadly against it. His words to her were, “If anything happens to you, don’t come running to me.” And then she passed.

My father was very deeply affected by that. And in the process of taking care of everything, he sent me to stay with my grandfather until he settled things in Seattle. Then he went back to Puerto Rico, and I joined him there.

I lived in Puerto Rico with him and his second wife. That wasn’t the greatest experience.

(08:42) Doreen Downing: You mean the stepmother?

(08:43) Elisa Negroni: Yes. I'll tell you why. My dad had a—what do you call it—he liked women.

(09:01) Doreen Downing: He had a taste.

(09:02) Elisa Negroni: That’s a good word. Yes. So, he started an affair while he was married to the stepmother, and he left her to look after me while he was off. I think she took it out on me, which took me years to realize. She resented it.

Years later, when I wrote about my life, I realized I didn’t condone her actions, but I had a lot of compassion and understanding for why she did what she did.

(09:57) Doreen Downing: What did she do?

(10:00) Elisa Negroni: Tie me to a chair or force feed me stuff, and if I threw up, she made me eat it. My brothers and sisters don’t know that story.

It was so bad that I started begging them to let me go back to my grandfather and uncle’s. Because the time I stayed there, I really loved them.

They finally agreed and I went to stay with them. They divorced and he remarried.

(10:41) Doreen Downing: Your grandfather?

(10:42) Elisa Negroni: No, my dad divorced.

(10:44) Doreen Downing: Divorced the—

(10:45) Elisa Negroni: The married woman he was having—

(10:47) Doreen Downing: Yes. Oh, so you had a third—you had a second stepmother.

(10:51) Elisa Negroni: Correct.

(10:52) Doreen Downing: Did your father and the first stepmother have kids? Because you said your brothers and sisters.

(10:58) Elisa Negroni: Yes. She was pregnant during the period that he was running around.

(11:05) Elisa Negroni: He was born after I left.

(11:13) Doreen Downing: Okay.

(11:14) Elisa Negroni: Alright.

(11:14) Doreen Downing: But it was, nevertheless, a stepbrother.

(11:17) Elisa Negroni: Yes. A half-brother.

(11:19) Doreen Downing: A half-brother. And then, when your father married the third person, did they have kids also?

Elisa Negroni: Yes. Four.

Doreen Downing: No wonder you’ve got brothers and sisters. Because you started out, like you said, three years old, and it sounded like you were the only one when your mom passed.

(11:39) Elisa Negroni: Yes. And I was the only one throughout. I didn’t ever live with—well, I did live with my cruel stepmother. She came to visit with my little brother, and she was really nice. I started questioning my memories.

She showed me how to paint my fingernails. I was young, and these were neat things. Eventually, my grandfather asked her to live with us, with my brother, because he felt I needed a mother.

Because in my buried mind, I was raised by the head housekeeper, Anna Cook. Those were the women in my life.

She came with my brother, and it was fine for a while, and then things got not so nice.

(12:49) Doreen Downing: Yes, you already gave us a sense of what “not so nice” with that woman was like for you. I'm so sorry to hear that you, as a child, had abuse in such a way.

But I’m also glad to hear that, with distance, you found—and this is part of the message I think I’d like listeners to hear—that even with struggle, or even with abuse, or even with the horrible stuff that happens to us, there is a way for us to come back to ourselves. To have deeper understanding. Perspective. Even, as you said, compassion.

(13:30) Elisa Negroni: Yes.

(13:30) Doreen Downing: Huge.

(13:34) Elisa Negroni: Because there were good times too, and I have to remember there is a part of her that was good.

(13:43) Doreen Downing: Yes.

(13:43) Elisa Negroni: And the circumstances brought out another part, which we’re all capable of.

Doreen Downing: There’s a certain pocket of humanity that we like to keep zipped up and not let out. So, thank you very much for giving me these details and letting me do a little fine-tooth combing here.

So, with your dad who married the third person and had kids, did you ever live with him again?

(14:17) Elisa Negroni: No. They did come through Jamaica, moving to Miami, and he did try to get me—he did want me to go and live with them. My grandfather—and a lot of this story I didn’t know at the time, not until years later—my grandfather would not send me.

He didn’t feel I would be in an environment of love, and something just felt like it wasn’t right.

(14:59) Doreen Downing: Oh, he was intuitive.

(15:00) Elisa Negroni: Yes. He was. Now, his third wife and I—we got along when we finally met and had a pretty good relationship for a long, long time.

But what happened was, I thought that my father had abandoned me because I didn’t know that he had been trying. So, I grew up thinking he didn’t care.

She was pregnant when they came to visit, so that also gave me a feeling of not being lovable. I mean, I had so much love from my grandfather and uncle, but it’s funny how that other thing—when people abandon you or treat you badly—seems to be the thing that sticks.

(15:58) Doreen Downing: Isn’t that amazing? I know neuroscientists talk about that. Rick Hanson is someone who’s written about the neuroscience of how we are hardwired—and that's negative, right?

Because we’re animals, and we’re kind of needing to figure out where it’s safe to be and where it’s not so safe. That stronger signal—the negative—lives inside our brain, apparently.

I need to take some breaths here. This is very, very beautifully raw and very revealing. Thank you so much. Before I move on, I’d just like to hear a little more from you. You did refer to secrets. Is that later or is this part of this area?

(16:55) Elisa Negroni: Well, no, the secrets were—oh, the major secret was about my first stepmother.

(17:04) Doreen Downing: Yes.

(17:05) Elisa Negroni: I never, ever told anybody. The first time I revealed it was in the story I wrote for my son. I’ve never revealed it publicly, because my brother—her son—does not know this about her. She was a fabulous mother to my brother.

(17:34) Doreen Downing: I think you’re saying the resentment she had toward your father because you were a part of him. She carried that anger.

(17:38) Elisa Negroni: Yes. Absolutely.

(17:39) Doreen Downing: And that you, with perspective, now understand that.

Well, you’re moving along in life, and thank goodness somehow your grandfather provided a safe haven for you. That’s very, very positive—to feel like there was love in your environment. Some kindness, at least.

It does sound like you felt loved. What happened next then?

 (18:19) Elisa Negroni: After I graduated high school, I went to New York.

Why? My uncle used to go every year for vacation and come back with these wonderful stories of what he had done. I decided to give it a try.

There was also something inside me. I had been very overprotected growing up. My grandfather was so afraid something would happen to me. He wasn't happy about my decision to go, but I felt the need to spread my wings. To get out of that cocooned life.

I lasted a year, then I went back and met my ex-husband. We moved to Florida, got a divorce, and I had a son.

(19:22) Doreen Downing: Wait, probably the other way around.

(19:24) Elisa Negroni: Yes, that's right. We had a son, then we got divorced. After that, I moved to Canada.

But all the while, I was silent. For years and years, silence was always a part of my life.

Several years ago, I remarried. I had my second what I would call really dark place experience—like a nervous breakdown. All I did was lie down and sleep. I had no interest in anything.

At one point, as I mentioned in my story, I really gave thought to the question, "What's the point of living?"

Then I came across Be Heard Now—the book. I had gone to a Unity church and saw something about Speaking Circles. They had the book there, so I bought it and went home and read it.

Eventually, I went to a Speaking Circle. This was around 2004—I got certified that year. The first time I went, they had a stage and a microphone. I remember thinking, "Please open up and take me away." I didn’t go back for a while.

But something kept pulling me. I’d keep reading the book, and it pulled me back. I returned and stayed with it. That was the start. A huge start for me coming out of the shell.

I hated being the center of attention. Hated it. But at the same time, I longed to be seen. Slowly, I started to feel at ease with it.

After going for a while, reading the book, and doing circles, I called Lee and said, “I’m really interested in being able to do this.” I think you know the rest. That’s when I met you, in 2004.

(22:21) Doreen Downing: I'm going to ask you some more questions about this introduction to a new way of not just speaking.

Even though it's called Speaking Circles, it's about being—being who you are. You weren't being who you truly are or were meant to be.

I'm going to take a quick break, and I'll be right back.

Hi, we're back on the Find Your Voice, Change Your Life podcast with Elisa Negroni, who's telling us a beautifully raw and tender story about her early life and how she was mistreated.

Yet, there was also a very positive force in her life—a grandfather who gave her a sense of belonging, a sense of being loved.

Those early impediments to our growth sometimes show up in adulthood as patterns. It sounds like Elisa was talking about how she became very quiet. She said she hated—she used that word five times—being the center of attention.

What changed everything was this book by one of my mentors, Lee Glickstein. I also took that first step Elisa's talking about—going to a Speaking Circle where they had a microphone and a stage.

It was about breaking through fear. It wasn’t about doing a speech like Toastmasters or performing. It was just about being raw in yourself, in front of people.

Finding breath. Finding grounding. Finding the ability to allow yourself to be seen and heard.

That’s the title of Lee’s first book: Be Heard Now. And you went to your first Speaking Circle and thought, “Yikes, let me out of here. I’m not coming back.” But you went back. What drew you back?

(24:34) Elisa Negroni: I don't know how to explain it. There was just something that said, this is it. I need to be here. I need to give myself this opportunity. It may or may not work, but I was so tired of holding back. I was so tired of shutting people out.

Don't ask me a question, because no matter how mundane it is, I'm not going to answer. I’ll turn it back to a question about you. I just had this isolated, lonely feeling. I was looking for a way out of this prison.

(25:32) Doreen Downing: Alright, I got it. It’s interesting that earlier we talked about the love of your grandfather being like a cocoon. Now you’re talking about this other kind of sense of imprisonment.

Both times, what I notice is that you—and this goes back to the first story where you were in that abusive situation—you said, “I want out of here. I want to go to Grandpa. I want to go live there.”

To me, Elisa, it feels like there’s a pattern in you. Whether you’re in something positive or negative, if it’s not right for you, you find a way out.

You left the safe cocoon to go to New York. Now you're talking about being in a sense of emotional imprisonment, and again—you move. I think this says something about you.

(26:38) Elisa Negroni: Yes.

(26:39) Doreen Downing: About your true nature.

(26:40) Elisa Negroni: You've hit it on the nail. Same with my ex. I knew that was it, and I was finding a way out of this.

(26:53) Doreen Downing: This is so exciting—to feel this and get to know you in a deeper way. I think it’s also inspiring for my listeners. Even if they feel trapped—it doesn’t always have to be something negative.

One of the traps I hear about often on this show is working in corporations. It’s positive on the outside. People have everything they thought they wanted, but they don’t feel fulfilled. They feel isolated—just like the word you used.

Back to you—when we talk about you having the courage to move yourself out of a situation into something more unknown, that’s scary. Putting yourself in front of a group, holding a microphone... what are you doing there? You're trying to find yourself. It wasn’t therapy, but it feels therapeutic.

Is there anything more you want to say about that journey of finding yourself, finding your voice? Because I know you’re now a coach, and you’ve done quite a few certifications.

You’re a Speaking Circle certified facilitator. You now lead Speaking Circles. You hated being the center of attention, but now you know what it’s like for people to come in with that same fear.

(28:44) Elisa Negroni: There have been some who did run away, but came back as well.

(28:48) Doreen Downing: Good. Say more about how you moved into coaching and what you're doing nowadays.

(28:59) Elisa Negroni: Several years after I got certified, my son asked me to write my life story. He wanted a better understanding of who he was and where he came from. That was terrifying for me. Saying yes meant I’d have to reveal my secrets. But I said yes.

I started writing, and I was blown away by all the words that came pouring out—the memories, the realizations, the insights. That’s when I truly gained compassion for my ex-stepmother. It happened through writing.

That was the second phase for me—first Speaking Circles, then writing. Putting it all into a story for my son.

I shared it with a friend, then another. Over the years, I began to realize I had something to offer—to help others come out of their own hiding, their fears, their negative stories.

Because I had to do a lot of rewriting of my own stories.

(30:42) Elisa Negroni: I am my own client. I feel that the journey I took—the tools, the insights—I can now use to help others through their journey.

(31:00) Doreen Downing: Wow. Bold. Brave. Beautiful.

Thank you so much for coming to that life moment where you used yourself—where you said, “I am my own client.” You valued your own life experience enough to see how it could bring healing to others.

(31:31) Elisa Negroni: Yes. It’s a major passion of mine. I really believe everyone has a right, and should feel comfortable enough, to be who they are, to share their voice, and to love all parts of themselves. Even the messy, imperfect, quirky parts.

(31:54) Doreen Downing: Yes. That’s part of the message I think we’re offering today—that there is a full self, and it doesn’t have to be all tied up in a bow and pretty. The messy is also valuable.

Tell us a little more. How do people find you? What kind of coaching are you doing nowadays? Do you have programs?

(32:21) Elisa Negroni: I do one-on-one coaching, and people can reach me through my website or by email. My website is powertospeak.com.

I don’t have a formal program right now because it’s all custom, but I am putting together a four- to six-week offering called Circle of Being.

(32:48) Doreen Downing: Beautiful.

(32:49) Elisa Negroni: That should be coming out in mid- to late April.

(33:00) Doreen Downing: And you have a freebie?

(33:02) Elisa Negroni: Yes, I have a freebie. It’s a self-assessment called Are You Hiding Yourself?

It helps people get an idea of where and why they may be hiding. Because sometimes we hide in one area of our lives, but not in others. And sometimes we hide everything.

(33:28) Doreen Downing: Well, here you are today—fully exposed and fully radiating. Thank you for taking the time to share deep, meaningful life moments and for being the kind of coach you are.

Before we leave, I’d like to open up just a moment of silence together. We can take a breath and see what arises in this shared listening space. How would you like to close? What would you like to leave us with?

(34:06) Elisa Negroni: I want to say: know and love the magnificence of who you are, and cherish that self.

(34:20) Doreen Downing: I love the idea of cherishing. I was going to say it’s a sweet word, but it’s actually a very powerful word. It’s a way we can come to ourselves—and embrace.

Thank you.

(34:35) Elisa Negroni: Thank you. Thank you very much.