#180 When “You Can’t” Becomes “Watch Me”

Today, I interview Mikki St. Germain who grew up being told to “keep your mouth shut” and made to feel like her voice didn’t matter. At 14, her mother left, and she stepped into adult responsibility, working, caring for her siblings, and eventually becoming an emancipated minor at 16.

When a guidance counselor told her, “Girls like you don’t go to schools like this,” something inside her woke up. With $263 in her pocket, she drove to Florida after graduation and decided she would figure life out on her own.

That decision marked a shift from living in desperation to choosing inspiration. She stopped allowing other people’s opinions to become her reality and began building courage from the inside out.

Today, Mikki is a high school football coach with 17 years of experience, one of the rare female head coaches to win a divisional league and championship. She also coaches people off the field, helping them move from setback to comeback. Her message is clear: only you can tell your story, and when you choose to step up and use your voice, it can change everything.

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Coach Mikki St. Germain is an international speaker, published author, and one of the rare female football coaches leading in a male-dominated sport. With over 17 years of coaching experience from Pop Warner to high school head coach, she has won a divisional league and championship while building teams that succeed both on and off the field. As the founder of The 4th and 1 Mindset, Mikki helps individuals turn setbacks into comebacks by choosing inspiration over desperation and refusing to let other people’s opinions define their reality.

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Find Mikki here:
Website: http://www.4thand1mindset.com

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@HailMaryInHeels

Transcript

Transcript of Interview

Find Your Voice, Change Your Life Podcast

Podcast Host: Dr. Doreen Downing

Free Guide to Fearless Speaking: Doreen7steps.com

Episode #180 Mikki St. Germain

When “You Can’t” Becomes “Watch Me”

(00:00) Doreen Downing: Hi, this is Dr. Doreen Downing. I'm host of the Find Your Voice Change Your Life Podcast, and I'd like to welcome you today. Very special guest. She's a football coach, and notice she and football coach. We'll learn more about that today. Speaking of somebody finding her voice surrounded by a male dominated profession. Hello, I just want to say hello, Mikki.

(00:37) Mikki St. Germain: Thank you so much for having me and asking me to join you.

(00:40) Doreen Downing: Yes. Well, you sent me a bio and I'm going to just pull that up and read it so people can get to know you right away. Coach Mikki St. Germaine is an international speaker, published author, and one of the rare female football coaches breaking barriers in a male dominated sport.

With over 17 years of hands-on coaching experience from Pop Warner to the college level, she's mastered the art of building winning teams, both on and off the field. Her coaching style blends strategy, leadership, and inspiration, all anchored in one thing, authenticity. She doesn't just talk about mental toughness, she lives it.

As the founder of the Fourth and One Mindset, Coach Mikki is dedicated to helping people turn setbacks into comebacks. I just love that. I read that to myself before and I just said, oh, I can't wait to read it. I just love it.

What goes with finding your voice is authenticity. That's a whole journey too. What does authentic mean anyway, and how does it feel, and how does it sound, and how do people respond to that? We'll have a good conversation today. Thank you, Mikki.

(02:10) Mikki St. Germain: Thank you.

(02:12) Doreen Downing: As I mentioned, as a psychologist, people that I work with get real curious about those who have found their voice, who have some success nowadays, but it didn't always start that way. I imagine. Maybe it did. For some people it does.

Somewhere along the line maybe they got into a corporate environment and they had to shut up or lose their job. Usually there's some indication early on in people's lives that influences their ability to be more of who they can be. Did you pin down anything like that?

(02:51) Mikki St. Germain: Yes, I did. I was thinking about it. No, I've not always been this way. I would say it's probably been the past five years that I really have stood strong with conviction and being able to even do something like this or stand up and speak in front of a crowd or say something that I really wanted to share with someone.

Growing up, I was told, keep your mouth shut. Don't say anything. No, this is not the time. I wouldn't say something that I knew, even in the corporate world when I was working there. I would come up with an idea and I'd be afraid to say something. Then someone would say the exact same thing and it would be this brilliant idea. Or I would present something and it'd be pushed off, and then someone else would bring it.

I learned to stifle my feelings and who I was because I felt as though it wasn't going to be used, or it wasn't enough, or whatever I had to say wasn't that important.

(04:00) Doreen Downing: What's interesting is that the corporate environment was like how you described your family. You can't say it. If you do, you've got to push it aside or it's not really going to be accepted and welcomed. I think that's the bottom line. Before I leave the family, where were you in the birth order?

(04:25) Mikki St. Germain: Oh. I was the oldest.

(04:29) Doreen Downing: You were the oldest?

(04:30) Mikki St. Germain: Yes, I was the oldest.

(04:31) Doreen Downing: How many siblings?

(04:33) Mikki St. Germain: Well, let's see. I had a brother and sister that I lived with, and then I had half brothers and sisters. My brothers and sisters that I lived with, I was the oldest. Just to give you a little insight, I lived with my stepdad. My mother left us by the time I was 14, so I took on the responsibility of taking care of both my siblings and stepping into roles. I was working at age 14 to help make things work. I kind of grew up really fast.

It was such a weird situation because I had to grow up really fast, but there was a part that still kept me stifled as a kid. Even though I was put into that role, I still wasn't able to present things in the way I should have been able to because I was still seen as a kid. I guess that's the word to put it.

(05:24) Doreen Downing: Fourteen. I mean, that's just hardly into, well, it's a little past preteen, but I do understand. I had an aunt who came to live with us when I was 14, and she had cancer. I had to take turns with my mom to go in the middle of the night and give her shots.

I totally understand the thrust into an adult role when we're 14 years old and taking on responsibility. In both of our cases, it kind of feels like life and death. We have a lot of responsibility.

(06:02) Mikki St. Germain: Yes, it was. Looking back on it now, there are a lot of things that maybe shaped the person I am, but there were also a lot of things that I needed to overcome and deal with to bring me to where I needed to be.

I've been very fortunate to take the time to address that. I think if anybody's dealing with that, that's something that's so important. Even though you don't think it's in the back of your mind or it's not presenting forward, it is until you bring it forward and deal with it.

(06:34) Doreen Downing: Thanks for pointing to that. What would be some of the ways in which you got that aha, I need to work on something here?

(06:43) Mikki St. Germain: I think as I was doing the same thing over and over again, it was the same outcome, same people, same things. I started realizing this is just a vicious cycle and it can't be just everybody that's around me. When I started looking back, I knew that the things that I had been through were affecting me personally, my family, and other things in my life. I said, I've got to do something about this. There has to be change. I need to work on this and change.

I still see other people that are surrounded in that environment, from that environment, who still struggle with a lot of things that I used to. When you see it, I think there's a time where you recognize it. That's when you really need to work on it so you can get past it.

(07:33) Doreen Downing: Yes, and what I just heard you say is that because you were in that situation, you might have more ability to recognize it and relate to it, and then mirror back and support whoever might not be quite as awake yet to their own situation, kind of still stuck.

Stop me here if it's a little too tender, but I don't think I've ever talked to anybody who said their mother left at 14. Is there anything you might say about that?

(08:06) Mikki St. Germain: Yes, sure, I can. I'm willing to share. I'm pretty open and transparent. I can tell you pretty much everything. My mother made it crystal clear that I was not wanted. She said to me, you were a mistake. Flat out, I was told that.

When she left, she ended up joining the military. She had remarried at the time and was married to a wonderful man. He's still the dad I consider my dad. He's who I grew up with. Matter of fact, that's probably why I coach football and why I do a lot of things. It was all because of him.

She decided to physically leave, and I say physically because she was always emotionally gone, but she physically left by the time I was 14. The dad I was left with was struggling financially. I was the oldest. I looked older. I lived in New York, and at the time you could get working papers. I was going to school, taking care of siblings, and working at 14.

There reached a point where my dad was really struggling financially. I became an emancipated minor by the age of 16 and graduated my junior and senior year of high school while working a full time job.

(09:17) Doreen Downing: What a story. Thank you. Oh my gosh. That took my breath away. It's amazing. I am linking what you said a few minutes ago about the things that, in some ways, life gives you challenges and you learn from them. If you learn from it, then it's something you get to carry on.

I'm thinking about you being the coach, and we'll talk about that in a little bit here, but the ability to lead, I guess. To take charge and to see things. I'm kind of riffing off what gets learned out of that situation where you're left figuring out life on your own two feet just like that. Wow.

(10:08) Mikki St. Germain: I think it became something I live by. I learned this a long time ago. It was inspiration or desperation. I was already living in desperation, and I was like, I don't want to do that anymore. I want to live by inspiration.

I started surrounding myself with things I really loved and enjoyed. There was no doubt in my mind. I was going to make it. I was not going to be one of those people that just falls apart. I was so convicted.

I'll never forget, and by the way, my dad passed away about 3 years ago, and that is still a heartbreak for me because we were so close. I'll never forget the day I left and moved out. He said, kid, if you fall flat on your face, you can always come back. I said, I'll be fine, Dad. I'll be fine. I never moved back home. I've been gone since 16.

I think when you choose, and I say that word very strongly, you have to choose. You have got to decide. Is this something you're going to allow to keep you down? Are you going to allow it to control you? Or are you going to take control?

I always say the past doesn't control me. I control my past. I've lived by that in everything I've done. I think that has been everything that has gotten me through some of the situations and transitions and the turmoil that I've had to deal with in my life.

(11:33) Doreen Downing: You're so articulate. There was kind of a Freudian slip when you said the emancipation happened at 14, and then you said, no, it was really 16. I can see that at 14 something was already stirring and that by 16 you made the decision.

The decision wasn't yet made, but there were decisions already brewing and then they finally took hold. I need to have freedom. I need to get out of here. I need to get on a path and go forward.

We're going to take a break quickly and be right back because I have some questions about what you just put out in front of us. What we're beginning to explore is the waking up and then the taking charge and how, even at late teen years, that can be quite challenging. I'll be right back.

Hi, we're back. This is Dr. Doreen Downing. I've been having a conversation and it's really moved me. It touched me. If you listened, go back to the beginning because you'll hear her talk about a situation that most people don't find themselves in at 14, being left by their mom and then having to figure life out and then get emancipated at 16. Wow.

But here she is, a successful coach nowadays, and there's a journey. What was it that woke her up? Part of what Mikki said was, it was either inspiration or desperation. That still rings to me when I say it out loud. When you first said it, it was like, yes.

Listeners, inspiration. If you're feeling that today, I am right with you. I think Mikki is very inspiring in the way that she speaks. Let's get back to you and your story about moving into more of, like you said, surrounding yourself with people that probably inspired you.

(13:44) Mikki St. Germain: Yes, I made a goal. I knew what I wanted. At the time, going back to high school, I had decided I wanted to be a marine biologist. I lived in upstate New York, so that's probably a very difficult field to pick when there's no ocean unless I went down to Montauk or into the city, right?

I really wanted to do that. I love working with animals. That's always been something very dear to my heart.

Here's another story. When I went to my guidance counselor, they said, okay, what do you want to do as they're going through things to get you started? They knew my situation.

At that time, you had to order information from colleges. You didn't just go on the internet and apply. I had all these pamphlets and information. One was in San Diego, which was Scripps, and the other was down in Florida.

Being in New York, going to California was going to be expensive, but either way, I said, this is what I want to do. I will never forget this. I can still see his face. I handed him the information. He picked it up, sat back on his desk, looked at it, looked at me, threw the pamphlets down and said, girls like you don't go to schools like this.

I was so taken back. I thought, what girls? Brunettes? Short girls? Happy girls? Lonely girls? Which girls are you talking about? At the time I didn't say anything, but that's what was ringing through my head.

I grabbed the pamphlets and walked out. I never said another word. As I got out, the more angry I got. I said, you know what, forget it. The day after I graduated high school, I had $263 in my pocket. I got in my car and drove to Florida. I said, I will do this on my own. I don't care how I'm going to do it. I don't know how this is going to work. I'm just going to figure it out.

I got down to Florida and landed in a place called Lantana, which is next to Boynton Beach. I found a little place I could rent for the week. Then I went out job hunting.

After interviewing in six or seven gyms, I finally got a job that day in a gym because that's what I had done before, so I was familiar with it. I ended up working there. Then I moved into the corporate world. I was going to school at night. Things just transpired.

If I could tell you anything, when someone said, you can't do this, my answer has always been, really, watch me. I didn't allow their opinions to become my reality. I can't honestly tell you where that came from or how it transpired. I just know that's always been my makeup.

Maybe my dad said to me at some point that I could do anything. We watched football together. I worked construction with him. I watched my brothers and sisters on the weekends. There were so many things I did that were outside the norm as a female right from the beginning that nothing said to me would allow me to shrink down and not do something. It was always, really? Watch me.

(17:10) Doreen Downing: Yes. All right, fabulous. I love the way you keep bringing more gold nuggets to inspire us today. You said something about not letting their reality become your reality. What was that phrase?

(17:25) Mikki St. Germain: I said, I don't allow other opinions to become my reality.

(17:29) Doreen Downing: Yes. That was the one I wanted to highlight. The outside the box experience helped you not be bound so much. We're talking about voice today. How does voice fit into all of what you've been talking about?

(17:47) Mikki St. Germain: Even though I said I didn't say anything and it was keep my mouth shut, I think a lot of times being put into those sink or swim situations, you have to be able to express yourself and tell people what you want or what you're going to do and then have the actions to back it up.

It doesn't have to be loud. It could be something as simple as hearing yourself say something and then going forward. I think that compounds and builds your courage. It also builds the fact that what you are doing and who you are is important because you start to see it yourself. As you start to see it in real time, you start to see the things you've been looking to accomplish happening because you were able to do that.

Having your voice outside to other people evolves, but I think that inner work within myself was probably the foundation that brought me to where I am now.

(18:46) Doreen Downing: Yes, I heard that in the story with the guidance counselor. You didn't speak up, but you heard something inside, a voice inside of you that put you on the road to Florida and put you on the road to the life that you have now.

Speaking of now, let's talk about what you're doing as a coach, what your work is, anything you want to share so we can invite people to look you up. What are you doing?

(19:17) Mikki St. Germain: I am currently a high school football coach. I've been coaching for 17 years. I started at Pop Warner and worked my way up into high school. I am one of, or maybe the only female coach that has ever won a divisional league and a championship with a team as a head coach. I was a head coach at the time.

I was invited to be on a high school field, and I've been a special teams coordinator. I've done D line. I've been a head coach. I've done everything. I love it. The reason I love it as much as I do is because I get an opportunity to work with these kids and not only teach them things on the field but help them with life skills off the field too.

(20:08) Doreen Downing: My husband's a track coach, so I know exactly what you mean. At the end of the year when they talk about him at events and how important a role he's played in their life, not just to win a championship but to actually grow as humans.

I'm so glad you're infusing these young people with belief. I think that would be one thing you give them. This comes over to your coaching though. You have an actual coaching business, not just your work on the field. You are a personal life coach, is that right?

(21:00) Mikki St. Germain: Yes, I have done that. I have worked as a life coach and as a health coach. I've been coaching all my life regardless of what it is. Prior to football, I started as a martial artist. I'm a second degree black belt. I've been in martial arts teaching women, men, and children for 25 years. I've been coaching my whole life.

I think anything that anyone needs at any capacity, I would like to be able to offer them something in whatever direction they're trying to go, just to help them excel or work through whatever they need to. We get stuck. Now I'm not at anything like you are. What you do is so amazing and meticulous. For me, I would just like to help people and lead them into something different when they're stuck and help them move forward.

(21:56) Doreen Downing: I love it. That goes along with the very first line about turning setbacks into comebacks. I would say your ability to strategize is something you bring to people who feel stuck. That plays into the football idea. You know how to get to a goal. You know what forces are around somebody as they're trying to get from here to there.

I see lots of analogies between football coaching and life coaching. It has been a pleasure to get to know you more fully today. I really appreciate your vulnerability and opening up deeper aspects that most people probably don't want to dive into. I think my listeners today are just going, wow.

At the end here, I always like to open up and have you listen into our time together and see how you might want to end it in a spontaneous way.

(23:16) Mikki St. Germain: Thank you. I really love being here, and thank you for allowing me to share my story. I always think if I can say something that even just one person hears, then it's worth it because you never know where people are. You try to meet them where they are and give them what they need at that time and allow them to take it and either run with it or put it away until they're ready to accept it and move forward.

If I could say to anyone about finding your voice or stepping up or saying what you need to do to be your authentic self, know with every fiber of your being that there's only one you. Only you can present what you've got to say more than anyone else. I couldn't share it. Your friends couldn't share it. Your family can't share it. Only you can tell your story. Only you can present the things that make you unique.

It makes you a unicorn. Everybody is. If you take that and understand it and realize it, so many more things are going to open up for you. It's always a little difficult getting out of your comfort zone, but I promise you when you step up and do it, it is going to be the most rewarding and amazing thing you'll ever do for yourself.

Start strong and finish strong and dominate everything in between.

(24:46) Doreen Downing: Thank you, Mikki. I feel so inspired. You have such a positive presence. It's pure positivity with so much yes inside of you. Thank you very much for sharing your big yes today.

(25:06) Mikki St. Germain: Thank you for having me.