Ep:7 Are you ready for the love you say you want?

Who says your love story has to mimic a Hollywood blockbuster, or that marriage should be the ultimate end goal? What if we've been looking at love all wrong? This episode of Perfectly Chaotic with Just Mellie is all about debunking myths and misconceptions around love and relationships fed to us by societal norms and media. We dissect the stark difference between the romanticized version of love we see on our screens and the real, attainable love in our lives. We discuss the importance of self-love as the backbone of any healthy relationship and challenge the widely held notion that marriage is the zenith of success.

Imagine being locked in an unhealthy relationship because of our comfort zones. How do past traumas and experiences shape our understanding of love? We bravely dive into these often overlooked aspects of love, tackling vulnerability, the fear of intimacy, and the impact of our past on our perception of love. This journey takes us through the crucial role of self-love within a relationship, setting boundaries, and communicating expectations clearly. You'll find that the key to a healthy relationship often lies within, buried under layers of denial and fear.

Ever underestimated the power of self-care and boundaries in relationships? Picture the transformation you can experience through simple, affordable, and effective self-care activities that can dramatically boost your overall well-being. Ever thought therapy can do wonders in cultivating a positive mindset? Together, we delve into the world of daily visualizations and affirmations, focusing on their ability to enhance your self-confidence. The message here is clear - never settle for less than you deserve. You are entitled to a loving and respectful relationship, and the journey begins with self-love. Embark on this journey with us, redefine love, and change your world.

Transcript

Unrealistic Expectations of Love

Speaker 1 0:00

Welcome to Perfectly Chaotic with Just Melly , the show that brings you the chaos of being an adult , but the calm of it being perfectly okay . If you're a woman , man , hell , a human , you're in the right place . Just can't wait to share the tips and tricks she's acquired over the course of two decades of learning , adulting , parenting , traveling and working in corporate America . Stick around to learn how to turn something chaotic into something beautiful .

Speaker 3 0:43

Hey , chaos Crew , this week's episode . I told you in our last episode that we were going to get into some things that I thought were definitely relevant as we dwindle down on the remaining days of the year we're in our last quarter , as you know it's very important that we start our reflection . Who wants to wait to January for all of that ? So we're going to discuss today being ready for the love you say that you want . There's a lot of things that you know we're going to touch on in this topic . We're going to talk about the difference between the love that we see on TV and the love that we say that we're ready for and the love that is actually attainable . We're going to introduce the importance of self-love as a foundation of a healthy relationship , just ensuring that that is there first . But obviously we're going to talk about these ridiculous expectations on society that the goal or the end goal for every single person is marriage too . And in my opinion , you know , getting married is not necessarily the goal for everyone . You know , some people are just happy within themselves and they just want companionship . So we're going to dig deeper into all of those areas . But , most importantly , we're going to talk about love in its entirety and making sure that we're ready for the love that we say that we're ready for . Because you will see all day long great quote , unquote relationships on the internet , on Instagram , on all social media platforms . You know you'll say you'll see people that say , oh , that couple is relationship goals , et cetera , this and that , but you never know what's behind the picture at the end of the day . And you also , you know you hear people say , oh , what's the prayer that Sierra did to get Russell Wilson , et cetera , blah , blah , blah . And Semar Walker even did a whole song , or not necessarily a song , but like an intro or outro for Sierra's prayer as well . You know that's the individual person's , you know guiding light regarding what they're looking for specifically for them . So you know we're going to talk about how we make it your personal journey , on what it is that you're looking for and being ready for the love that you say that you want .

Speaker 3 2:54

So , first and foremost , let's talk about love on TV versus reality . So there are a couple of , you know , popular romance narratives on TV and in movies . So the first one is like love at first sight . How many movies have you seen where you know they'll depict the character falling deeply in love the moment their eyes meet and there's this false reality that you know they fall in love and they live happily ever after . This gives an impression that true love is instantaneous , and we know that that's not the case , because how many people have you talked to where they say , like when they first met their significant other or their spouse of you know , maybe 20 or 30 years , they couldn't stand them . They were the complete opposites . So we know for a fact that that's a narrative that's shown on TV . The other is like the grand gesture . So you know whether it's holding a boombox , as we all heard , outside of someone's window , a surprise trip to an exotic location , or like an elaborate proposal in front of a crowd .

Speaker 3 3:55

Tv movies often portray love as requiring big , dramatic displays of affection . We know everybody's budget is not the same and you know there are small things that you know matter to you , and I think knowing your love language is really important in that aspect , because you want your partner , obviously , to be their true , authentic selves , but you also want people to love you the way that you need to be loved too , and it's not that you're forcing them to , but it's a conversation that you have , something else is the perfect partner . So characters often have the ideal job . You know , the looks , personality , their flaws , if any at all , are endearing rather than problematic . And you know , I think the more and more that we see this , the more and more our expectations are unrealistic . Obviously , there's been a lot of , you know , discussion of Tyler Perry and how he wants us to set the bar low , or some successful women to set the bar low when it comes to their expectations in a man . But this is the opposite of that . This is , like you know , us wanting the quote unquote tall , dark and handsome , and understanding that those people come with the flaws too and personality traits that we don't necessarily like . Another one is overcoming obstacles . So that narrative that true love can conquer all , even the most ridiculous challenges , is a common theme , and we know that at times that's not the case .

Speaker 3 5:22

In my opinion personally , the only unconditional love is the love between a parent and child , because we all know that all other love comes with conditions , regardless of whether people want to admit it or not . You know , all of the love comes with conditions . Whatever your condition is is going to depend on the individual . Obviously , people put up with physical and mental abuse . People put up with cheating , whatever it is that they put up with , but some people don't . And love comes with conditions between a man and a woman . That's not a parental relationship . The other is a transformation . This is the idea that love can transform a bad boy or a wild girl into a committed partner . Now , not saying that this isn't true , but you know , this is a narrative in TV or a movie that you know you can do this and you can love someone so much that they're going to change and you'll see countless stories from men and women that they love someone . The individual change , they help them become a better person and they dipped out on them and they became this person for somebody else , and then destiny and soulmates . So the concept that there's only one perfect person for everyone and fate will bring them together .

Speaker 3 6:32

Me personally , I don't necessarily believe that . I believe that you know there are people that you should be with within your lifetime and you'll come across them and that person will feel like you've known them forever . But at the same time , I also believe that you're meant to be with people for seasons and at some point in time you'll find your lifetime person . But that's just my thought process . So then we talk about like unrealistic expectations of these portrayals , like one is like an instant connection , the belief that if it's true love you'll know right away to measure the value of slow develop connections . You know , when you meet someone and you have a couple of things in common and you sort of kind of build off of that like that person . You might not even have a romantic interest in this individual , but as you start to talk more frequently and you learn about the individual and you know their qualities and their values etc . It sort of kind of changes the narrative and your thought process about them .

Speaker 3 7:36

The other one is perfection . So assuming that a partner will be flawless or expecting oneself to be perfect , that is just , you know . I've come to a point where when people ask me like hey , you know , what is it that you're looking for ? Or what are some of the things that you expect , you know from a partner , what are some things that you don't like , I never answer that question . Why ? Because I'm not about to give you the cheat sheet . Like , I want you to be who you are and if that meshes with me , great . And if it doesn't , then it doesn't . So , yeah , I don't answer that question . I'm just like , hey , let's just see how things flow and then we go from there , because what I'm not about to do is provide you a step by step book on how to win me over , and then that's not even who you are . You should always want someone to want to be with you for who you are , and not what you know they think that they can be or who they think that you can be .

Speaker 3 8:33

Another one is dramatic display . So believing that love is only real or sincere when it's accompanied by grand gestures , like we just discussed that . Like it's not . It is not always . You know perfect , and you know rainbows and flowers and this and that Like there's going to be ups and downs and there's going to be disappointments , and if anyone tells you that , okay , well , if someone loves you , they'll never disappoint you , that's not accurate . Like that is not an accurate depiction , because we're people , at the end of the day , and people make decisions based off of their previous experiences and at times , those previous experiences might not be in line with what your expectation was . So , that being said , you cannot , you know , expect these dramatic displays , because you know expectations is definitely the killer of happiness . I can tell you that from my own personal experience . Persistence pays off .

Speaker 3 9:29

The idea that relentlessly pursuing someone will eventually make them fall in love with you . Bye , you see it all the time in shows and movies that , okay , well , if I stay at it , if I stay that person's friend , eventually they'll know that I'm the one for them , or they'll fall in love with me , et cetera . What that is is a thief of time , like I'm a strong believer of go ahead and shoot your shot . Worst case scenario you get a no , why not ? Because you sitting there wasting all of this time . You're missing out on someone that is interested in you and you can build with and there's just no need for you to consistently do that . I know it might have worked for some people , but most of the time that's just a storyline .

Speaker 3 10:07

And then changing for love , believing that someone will change your fundamental nature or habits just because they're in love I mean people need to change for themselves , not for someone else , because that's not gonna be sustainable and this gonna lead to resentment . So you know , if someone wants to change , that's great . If you wanna be along someone as they're wanting to change for themselves , that's great . But believing that someone's gonna change your fundamental habits or just nature because they're in love ? Most of the time that's not the case . So what impact does that have on our lives ? Right ? So the impact on that is at times you can rush into relationships . So with the portrayal of instant connections , many feel that they might need to rush into a relationship without truly getting to know the other person . And you know how that is . It's like , you know , you go on a couple of dates and then it's like okay , what are we ? That dreaded question that people have .

Speaker 3 10:58

Idealizing partners , so expecting partners to live up to an unrealistic standard set by movie characters . It can lead to disappointment , even when the show they're human flaws . So you know , just thinking that , okay , well , this person is this way , now I can fix them . I can fix them to the problem there to be this way and that's not realistic at all . Expecting grand gestures so you know thinking that love must always be proved with a big gesture and that leads to inadequacy , doubt . When a relationship , progress is not normal and it goes through its everyday interaction . So only when things are good is when you're happy . But when everyday life happens and all of a sudden you know you're not happy with that individual . Fomo oh my gosh .

Speaker 3 11:45

I think that we live in the day of FOMO , which is fear of missing out . So believing in the perfect partner narrative can make us think that continuously searching for the next best thing is the best option for us , because we're always gonna find a flaw in someone . So that totally prevents commitment . And then you have unhealthy persistence , so misunderstanding the difference between romantic persistence in a movie and real life boundaries , it can lead to uncomfortable and unhealthy relationship dynamics . Then you have overlooking reality . So you get so caught up in the idea of a fairy tale romance that you can make one overlook or excuse to red flags and relationships . And I think that this happens often because either it happens because of our unexpected expectations and relationships , or it happens when we are clouded because with lust , essentially Because we've moved too fast for quote unquote intimacy , which really is not intimacy , it's the physical aspect of the relationship . We moved too fast . And then you're caught up in that and you're missing out on huge red flags because you have your goggles on . So the narratives are entertaining and they're heartwarming and at times you just get that warm and fuzzy .

Speaker 3 13:04

But it's essential to differentiate between the cinematic romance and real life relationships , because real love is often quieter , is filled with everyday moments , understanding , patience and mutual growth . So let's talk about the disconnect In this area . We're gonna talk about what we truly want in love and then also we're gonna discuss , you know , vulnerability , past traumas and challenges . So , in the quest for love , there's a truth that many of us , despite yearning for intimacy and connection , we often find ourselves unprepared when genuine love comes knocking . So let's talk about the intricacies of this phenomenon and what

Understanding Love, Vulnerability, and Self-Worth

Speaker 3 13:49

it looks like .

Speaker 3 13:49

So , first off , we fear being vulnerable . You know , people always say I'm not gonna let you play in my face . You know they're just not ready to be vulnerable . But at the heart of intimacy lies vulnerability , and to be truly seen , understood and accepted , it requires us to let us put our guards down and setting the armor that we've built over the years . Now , granted , you know you might be taking off piece by piece like the strip tease , but at the end of the day , you know it's still required .

Speaker 3 14:20

Genuine love demands openness , but this openness can be frightening for people . It makes us vulnerable to pain , rejection and disappointment . The fear can be so overwhelming that it's easier to keep love at arm's length or to only acknowledge or participate in different areas of love rather than embracing it wholeheartedly . And then obviously our past plays a role in that . So our histories play a profound role in shaping our perception of love and intimacy . So any type of past trauma if it's a heartbreak , a betrayal or any deep foundational childhood wounds they can all leave scars . These scars manifest as defense mechanisms and subconscious patterns designed to protect us from perceived threats . So while they may have once served a purpose and you know we were able to put those things into place to protect us they become barriers in relationships and they often do not guide us to connections in the present .

Speaker 3 15:19

And then , unfortunately , there's like a conundrum of being in the comfort zone . So we are definitely creatures of habit and over time we become accustomed to certain patterns and even if they're not ideal , this is like our comfort zone . So we can be riddled with loneliness or dysfunctional relationships and we feel a lot safer than uncertainty of a genuine new love . That is healthy . But stepping out of this comfort zone and embracing the unknown can be daunting . It's a leap of faith , and it's not just that we have to trust people , but we also have to trust ourself .

Speaker 3 15:54

But one thing that I've learned over these past couple of years is that you know the worst case scenario is is that you've experienced a genuine love and , yes , you might be hurt or you know it might not last forever , but at the end of the day you know there's love out there . But what's the worst case scenario ? You try and it doesn't work . You're not gonna die from it . You've experienced it , you've tried it out , so why not ? And then there's a cognitive dissonance of desire versus fear . So longing for a profound connection while simultaneously fearing true intimacy is definitely a thing , and this cognitive dissonance can be perplexing and taxing at the same time .

Speaker 3 16:39

But deep down , we believe we're deserving or undeserving of love , or we worry that genuine intimacy will unveil aspects of ourselves that we're not proud of . And this internal conflict can create resistance , causing us to push love away even when we desire it most . So at times we feel that we don't want to show our true , authentic selves . Because who's going to love that ? And really the reality of it is is that someone will . I mean because everyone has gone through something or going through something . So I say all that to say that there's an understanding that love is complicated and but it's an ongoing journey . So recognizing our fears , confronting past traumas and challenging our comfort zone , our essential steps in preparing ourselves for the love we truly deserve . So , as we navigate these intricacies , it's crucial to be compassionate with ourselves , remembering that love , and its truest form , is both a journey but also a destination . So that leads to the foundation of self love and why it is so important .

Speaker 3 17:43

Self love and the concept of it is not just something that we have on our vision board . It's not something that we affirm every morning without any true knowledge on what it is . Self love refers to the appreciation and affection that we hold towards our self . So it stems from actions that support our physical , psychological and spiritual growth . And remember , in a previous episode I talked about how you can invest in yourself physically , you know , mentally , emotionally and spiritually . But it's also about understanding our strengths and weaknesses , accepting them I'm going to say that again accepting them and taking care of our own well-being and happiness . It means that we're setting boundaries to maintain our self-respect and not settling for less than what we deserve . Maintaining boundaries all of that is self love . So , in a context of a romantic relationship , self love is crucial because one it's a foundation for a healthy relationship . You can't pour from an empty cup . When individuals love themselves and they respect themselves , they can offer genuine love and respect to their partners .

Speaker 3 18:54

A lot of times when we don't have that , you know , a lot of our insecurities show up in a relationship . We set expectations , so people who understand their value are more likely to establish boundaries , ensuring that they're treated with respect and consideration that they deserve . The thing about setting expectations is having clear communication about that expectation . Right ? Remember I said that expectations is the killer of happiness . But those are expectations that we maintain in our head , an expectation of , oh , I'm going to receive this gift , or oh , he's going to do this , or she's going to do this , or they're going to do this on this date , without having communication with your partner about it . And then , when it doesn't happen , now you're unhappy , but that's because you set an expectation in your head that wasn't a reality . So , setting expectations and having communication about it , emotional stability goodness . This is definitely a journey , especially for , you know , for me , because I like to keep things within myself .

Speaker 3 20:01

Those who practice self-love tend to be more emotionally balanced and resilient , making them better partners during ups and downs of relationships . You know , for me one of my biggest , I guess , weaknesses , I'll say or opportunities from a business perspective is that when I am disappointed or an expectation wasn't met , I am really like bothered by it . It's a letdown , it's a disappointment . To me , it seems like , okay , well , the other individual doesn't care , but you have to take a step back and think about your emotional stability and how you respond to it . So , instead of getting upset and having a knee-jerk reaction , taking a step back and thinking about why you truly feel that way is really important .

Speaker 3 20:46

Self-worth and the recognition of you know , your value to yourself and your worthiness is like a filter through which we view potential partners and relationships . So when we have a strong sense of self-worth , we make better choices . So we're likely to choose partners that respect and value us . We avoid toxic relationships because they're less prone to remain in or return to unhealthy relationships . So we're not , you know , circling back . We recognize when we deserve better and then we set healthy boundaries so we're able to set and maintain boundaries that protect our emotional and mental well-being . So one self-worth dictates the minimum standard of treatment they're willing to accept . It's the backbone that helps us stand firm in demanding the respect and love that we deserve .

Speaker 3 21:35

So I'm going to give some examples of how you can , of people , have transformed self-worth so you can see it in like in real time or real thought process that you've probably come across . So let's say someone is a serial dator and willing for more relationship to another , seeking validation from their partners . So after a particularly painful breakup , you know you could take a year off from dating to focus on yourself . You know you go to therapy , maybe you meditate , you find or start doing your hobbies again and then when you start dating again , you feel renewed because you have a sense of self-worth . So you're no longer seeking validation from others and , as a result , you attract partners who value you for who you are . So that's a great way to step into a healthy relationship and it credits the happiness that's created in that downtime because you had self-reflection and self-love .

Speaker 3 22:31

Another example is , let's say you are dubbed . You're like the nice girl , the nice guy and you're always putting others' needs before your own , to the point of self-sacrifice , which is just absolutely . You know it's not , you don't have to fall on the sword at the end of the day . But you know , this may be how you feel like you're going to be loved the most , because people are going to realize that . But after time after time , after time after time , if you realize this pattern , you feel unfulfilled , you feel taken for granted and you're not left with that feeling of love and self-worth . So what you end up doing is , in that place , setting boundaries , understanding your worth . And as you start to implement this into your life , you'll notice that one relationships are going to change , they're going to improve , or you're going to realize that this individual is a taker and it's not reciprocal , and then you also start attracting people that generally care about your well-being . So these are just a couple of examples of how you can transform this power of self-love into genuine relationships and additional self-love for yourself , because when you prioritize your well-being and understand the value it paves into a healthier life and more fulfilling relationships . So what does that look like ? Okay , yes , mellie , you've given me all this information , you've told me the ups and downs . What does it look like actually ? Okay , well , we're going to go into that .

Speaker 3 24:02

First , self-reflection You're going to take time to introspectively examine how you feel , your beliefs , your values around love . So , for example , if you feel lost after a breakup , instead of jumping into another relationship , maybe you start journaling . You ask yourself like what does love mean to me ? What do I want in a partner ? Like true , you know your true thought process . Because now , after you've been in a relationship one time , two times or quite a few times , you know what you like and what you don't like . And then , as you're doing this , you're going to start clarifying your vision of love and it also helps to align , as far as your next relationship , with your desires . So what you can do on a daily basis maybe take about 10 minutes each night and write in a journal and start with prompts like today I felt loved when , or my ideal relationship looks like . Take that time to do that so that you can start feeling that and understanding .

Speaker 3 24:58

Then start with affirmations . So obviously those are positive statements that can help to challenge and control any self-sabotaging thoughts , which we know consistently come throughout our head on a daily basis . So , for example , if you struggle with self-esteem , you can start your morning by looking in the mirror and affirming I am worthy of love and respect , and then just start doing that every day and this small practice transforms your self-perception . Something else that I've learned I listened to Mel Robbins consistently and is the high five method . When you're in there brushing your teeth and you're getting ready in the morning , high five yourself , like literally in the mirror . High five yourself and say you got this and see how it changes . But create a list of five affirmations , repeat them out each morning and evening , evening in front of a mirror and look at how that changes your life .

Speaker 3 25:51

Self-care I am the self-care queen . Okay , because when I feel like I need a break or I feel like life isn't going the way that I wanted to , it's always about self-care for me and I do that one on a daily basis and it's not like , okay , I'm going out to go get a mani , a mani pedi , a massage . No , self-care is taking time to yourself , taking a couple of minutes to do what you like to do , maybe a half an hour Just . There's a variety of ways , but self-care are activities and practices that you do for your wellbeing and your happiness . So let's say you're a busy mom , you feel like you have no time for yourself . You start setting aside like one evening a week for a bubble bath and a good book . That's your me time recharge and you make yourself feel valued during that time because you set your making yourself a priority .

Self-Care and Boundaries in Relationships

Speaker 3 26:40

So how can you do that ? Schedule at least one self-care activity per week just to start off with it . Because if you're at zero right now , like I told you before , you cannot fill someone else's glass if you have nothing to fill it with . So if you're at zero right now , schedule at least one self-care activity per week . It could be taking a walk , reading or pampering yourself , and pampering yourself does not have to be costly . It could be buying a nice little mani kit and doing it yourself and lighting a candle . It could be listening to a song or music that you like to listen to . It could be listening to a podcast while you're just relaxing . It could be meditation . It does not have to be pricey . So all of my suggestions are , for all different demographics , setting boundaries .

Speaker 3 27:26

So setting boundaries is defining what you find acceptable and unacceptable and how others treat you . Okay , so let's say you have a friend that consistently like , makes little jokes . You know how people are like oh , you went on your little trip . Oh , you started your little business . You know those things impact your self-worth and if you communicate this behavior as unacceptable . You have a choice . If the person continues to do it , then obviously they don't respect you and you've had that conversation and so and at that point you had to decide whether that relationship is important to you or not . How do you implement it ? Well , you're going to reflect on past situations where you felt uncomfortable or disrespected and you're going to determine what the actual boundary that was crossed and you're going to communicate clearly with them about the future interactions .

Speaker 3 28:14

Therapy is also great . So what you're going to do is find a consistent therapist , and obviously sometimes it takes a couple of therapists for you to find one that you're comfortable with . But you're going to seek a therapist or a counselor , and if your company has an EAP program , you have at least three to six of them for free for you to try out . So I strongly suggest that . But self-care takes practice , so it's not going to happen overnight , especially if you have been neglecting that , but you're going to have to have continual efforts . So , for example , let's say you start journaling and you don't see immediate changes . Let's say , after a week you just keep at it and after several months you'll notice that there's a change in your mindset . But you cannot just give up . So building self-love is like building a muscle . It takes time , patience and practice , and we're going to celebrate the small victories along the way , so I would definitely encourage you to do that .

Speaker 3 29:14

Now we're going to talk about recognizing your worth , love's true foundation at its core , every genuine and lasting romantic relationship is built on mutual respect . So for someone to respect and love you in the way that you deserve , you have to first believe that you are worthy of such love . If you find undervalue in yourself , at that point you give permission for others to do the same . So think about that . If you're not valuing yourself , that's how you're going to interact with other people and they're going to see that Something else is avoiding the quicksand of settling . Sending for less than what we deserve is akin to quicksand . It might seem okay at first , even comforting , but over time it drags us down . It makes us feel trapped and undervalued . And remember that the love you accept reflects the value you believe you have . So demand the love that you truly deserve , not just the love you think is available . And that's the key thing . Like you know how people say , you know if you're not attracted , you have to like whatever likes you . No , you don't have to accept that . No , you don't have to accept that at all .

Speaker 3 30:22

Daily visualization and affirmations is very important when it comes to this journey here , because there's a power in visualizing the love and the life that you want . So picture it in vivid detail a relationship where you're valued , respected and cherished . This isn't wishful thinking . It's an exercise that sets standards . So pair this visualization with daily affirmations . So stand before a mirror , look into your own beautiful eyes and remind yourself that I am deserving of true love , respect and kindness . Over the time , this becomes internalized and it strengthens your sense of self-worth . And you want to know the universal truth .

Speaker 3 31:02

Every individual , regardless of their past flaws , their past or their insecurities , is deserving of a wholesome , respectful and loving relationship , regardless of what has happened in the past . Love is not a privilege reserved for a select few at all , or the perfection that you see on social media . It's a universal right . Remember that you are not an exception to this rule . You're imperfections . Your journey , your story make you unique , but they don't diminish your worth or your right to be loved in the grandest , purest form . So the thought process is to embrace the truth of your worth . Let it be the beacon that guides your journey and love . The moment you fully recognize and embrace your worth , you set the stage for genuine love to enter and flourish . Stand tall in your value and never let anyone or any experience make you believe otherwise .

Speaker 3 31:54

So , to recap the episode , what we discussed today was a lot . We discussed the variety of ways that the media discusses and portrays love and how it highlights unrealistic expectations that it often sets for us in our own relationships . And from fairy tale endings to grand romantic gestures , the media often paints an incomplete picture of love because it never goes over the hard times to be honest with you and how you have to grow into it . We talked about the reality checks , the impact of these portrayals that they can sometimes have and lead us to rush into relationships , idealize partners or expect grand gestures constantly . It's essential to differentiate between fiction and real , sustainable love

Self Love in Relationships

Speaker 3 32:43

.

Speaker 3 32:43

At the end of the day , we dove into the importance of self love as a cornerstone of fulfilling romantic relationships , and how we perceive our own worth greatly determines the quality of relationships we attract to entertain . So it's really important to have that self love there in order for you to start the process of being ready for the love that you say that you want , and then the practical steps so what it actually looks like instead of me giving you a very high level overview of what self love looks like . So we talked about daily reflection , positive affirmations , setting boundaries and even seeking professional guidance , and we shared actionable items that anyone can implement to nurture self love and the power of self worth . We emphasized that everyone , without a single exception , is deserving of a healthy , respectful , loving relationship . It's crucial to feel worthy of such a love and not settle for anything less .

Speaker 3 33:39

So , as we close out this episode , I urge each of you to embark on your personal journey to self love , take the steps , do the work and prepare yourself to welcome the love you genuinely deserve . And I love that you keep saying that you want . And , in the words of my favorite female R&B artist , mary J Blige , from Real Love , I'm searching for a real love , someone to set my heart free . But let's set our heart free first by recognizing the real love within ourselves . Thank you for joining me on this journey today , and remember love starts from within . Embrace it , nurture it and watch it transform your world . So , chaos Crew , i'ma leave you with this great quote love yourself first and everything else falls into line . You really have to love yourself to get anything done in this world . So Chaos Crew . Until the next episode , keep it perfectly chaotic .