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Hello. Welcome to this Wednesday Live. Today we are talking all about the micro skills that you need for weight loss, but we're actually making it a holiday edition because we are, how many days is it until Christmas? Now I need to do my maths. 18. I think I've done that right. 18 days until Christmas. Yeah. If you're celebrating Christmas, that is, you may have some other celebration that you're doing. Or maybe it's just a time of year that you take a break and there's more parties and things like that going on. So this is the time of year when we have all sorts of temptations, all sorts of opportunities come up and many of our members are experiencing. Certain levels of anxiety and worry and concern about the upcoming holidays, and we've spoken about that a little bit on the podcast this week as well. So we really wanted to share with you our thought and our take on the micro skills that will really serve you in this period of time, and it will carry on into 2023 and beyond. When we're doing weight loss, I think it's easy to think about that, um, that end result. Like, I wanna lose 20 pounds, I wanna lose 50 pounds, whatever your goal is, and we kind of forget that there's all sorts of things that we are building up a skill set around on this journey. Like if you were thinking about taking a course and you looked at the learning outcomes, there would be a bunch of things in there that you're like, oh, I can expect to be really good at this and really good at that by the end of. I actually think the weight loss journey, especially when you take it from the mindset point of view, is exactly like that. What do you think, Mateo? Totally, and I actually love the syllabus example because whenever you go into a course, it's like, this is what you're gonna do each week. And I kind of feel like if you wanna be successful, you need to know like, this is what I'm expecting of myself this week, but here's what I'd like to have happening naturally in a year from now. So you kind of need to build out like week to week, what am I gonna do? And the micro skills are really part of it. What are you actually building out that you have when you need it? I think that's a really big thing. Totally. Totally. It's huge. And I think this is a topic that we could go a lot more into, and I think maybe we might do that next year on the podcast around like a general version of this, what are all the micro skills around weight loss? But there are some particular ones that come up along this holiday period that will really, really serve you. So Matea, I know that you've got a couple, do you wanna share your thoughts on your first one, your top. I love it because each, uh, so Carrie and I are both gonna share two, and I think these are four amazing micro skills. Okay, so here's the first one that just, and it's so funny because me and Carrie, we both had different ones and I love that our brain sync. All right, number one I put being future focused. And here's what I mean is that you might have had a. And you just totally think you're quote unquote off the rails. It really didn't go how you wanted it to. And future focus here, the micro skill, the quicker you can say, okay, five second funeral, that was done. Okay, fine. It's over. Starting like this minute I'm making a great decision. Starting at breakfast that you write away, reset that there's not, now it's days and days and it's weeks and months, and when am I gonna decide to work really hard on this again? None of that. We're all future focused, which is I actually love how I feel when I'm eating in this different way. And that actually felt really crummy. And I'm gonna learn from that. Like everything is all future focused. The micro skill is this. How quickly. Can you move on past it? I, I mean honestly Carrie, do you agree with that? Cause I see for me, like it used to be, I say in our group it was like three months, four months of being quote unquote off the wagon, and then it was like less and less and less. And now it's like within the day, we're right back at what works. Yes, a hundred percent. And I, I think it kind of comes back to, um, what, what by and Katie talks about with past focus, you know, where it's like, you know, you literally, you can't change the past, you can't undo everything that's happened. You have to move on. It's gotta be done. And I love the way you call it a five second funeral cuz it's like, yeah, if you indulge in this kind of beating yourself up for too long, you literally are taking yourself off the path. And we know what happens then you feel bad, you emotionally eat, da da da da da. Goes back on. So yeah, that hitting that reset button and just getting future focused again is like, right, that happened. So tomorrow I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do that, I'm gonna do the other thing. And that's the micro skill. It's that pivot point, you know? So as soon as you notice that, it's like that red flag that comes up in your brain, you know, I wish I didn't. Um, you know, I need to correct. I have to do this. Soon as you notice that those kinds of lines of thinking, you know, uh, taking you back into that. Then it's like, right, how do I pivot and look forward again? Right. And just move on, you know? And, and one way that I do that is sometimes, and this just works for me, but I'd like to hear on the comments, if any of you have been working on this skill or have this skill perfected what you tell yourself to me, I really like to say, just not today. Not today. I'm gonna beat myself up. I'm gonna choose today. To just move right on past to plan that next meal. Because what I remind myself is that the bloody aftermath is always worse than if I just got right back on track. That's usually not one meal a day, whatever it is, is not the problem. It's like compounding effects that lead to the problem. So I want everyone to remember it's thousands of decisions that you make to be either healthy or unhealthy. It's one decision, not gonna be the thing that determines all your results. So, okay, so that was number. Number, do you want me to do number two, or do you wanna do Yeah, yeah, let's do it. So I have here it's sort of foundations of self care, but what this really breaks down to is what is your baseline minimum? So this is regardless if you have a holiday happening or not, it's what are the things that are so baseline essential for you to take care of yourself? That, you know, when I'm doing these things, I feel amazing. So for example, for me it's water like, It's a little bit outta reach here, but I always have two water bottles. It's 64 ounces. I just know if I'm not getting my water in, like let's just have a TMI moment. It's like I might get constipated. Like it's, it's not worth any of what comes if I don't get the water in right. And it's that for me it's sleep. Um, for me it's, I make sure to get protein and veg before I eat other foods that I might think are more fun or don't, just don't serve me as much. So what are your foundations of self care your, your baseline minimums? Do, can you identify one or two of them? And if not, why not? Why do we not know what those are? That's the micro skill. Like it's gotta be front and center like. Carrie, what do you think some of yours are? Cause I feel like we talk about this a lot. Yeah, for sure. So I think for me, um, water is a really big one as well. Yeah. And on my best days I will wake up and I will have my water. I have my supplements with my breakfast. So, you know, the days that, you know, I remember to have my vitamin B and things like that, that helps to keep me going. Um, and then also like you, it's, you know, the construction of my meals. So making sure I've got protein, making sure I've got healthy fats, lots and lots of veggies in there that fuels me. I know that really helps me. That's like my baseline minimum. And when I slip away from that, I really notice the effect on my energy and I notice that I'm more sleepy or something like that. So I can really tell when I've deviated. But I think also one of them, for me more and more is yoga as well, because I get a lot of back pain. And when I don't do yoga, my parents starts to get really tight. And you know, when you're in pain you just feel a bit grumpy, a bit irritable, a bit snappy. You know, just not yourself. So yeah, your, your yoga is my walking. Like, if I'm not walking the past few days, I mean, I've been like walking at work and things, but it's not been the normal increased amount. And I notice it's like, just like you said, like back pains back. It's like, okay, because I, I didn't keep those minimums that really work for me. And something I wanna say about this is a lot of times the reason that holidays or times of year where your routine is thrown off, whether it. Holidays are the same thing as vacations. It's just that your routine is being messed with a little. It's usually because you're not still doing these basics. That's usually what it breaks down to. So again, the micro skill is what is the thing that when I do it, I feel great. You can do that in any environment, and if you can't, it's not a basic, it's not a baseline minimum. Mm-hmm. So that's what I wanna encourage you, right? Like if it's like, I've gotta be like an hour at the spin class, but then if you're outta town, you can't do. That's not a baseline minimum. That's a really nice, amazing extra that you do with exercise. Like, you know, you know what I mean when I say that? Like it's not, it's not a baseline minimum. No. It just becomes a natural part of your routine that's really easy to like, you know, incorporate into your life. Yeah, absolutely. And that could be an upgrade. You might have that later on when you know whatever's happening. You've got the energy levels, you know, and you can expire to that, but what's the step in between? Yeah, right. Definitely. I know. Yeah. This makes me think of, I had a friend that she, they would go vacation at some. Some log cabin somewhere or other that they own, and she would actually bring the Peloton with her. Like this was actually part of the routine. So that might actually be, it's become part of your baseline minimum that even when you're traveling, you're like, this thing comes with me. That's how dedicated I am, that I feel so great with it. Um, maybe there's some people. You need maybe like c a P to sleep at night or something for a medical reason. That's part of your baseline minimum that needs to come with you. Right. So anyway, I know we went a little, a little off beat path, but it's looking at what actually makes me feel good during the day and it's usually not extreme. So Carrie, what about you? What are your, the two? Microsoft? Yeah, I do have two. And before we move on that I would love to hear from the people who are watching along with us. You know, do you have a way that you do pivot your brain into FU future focus mode? You know, one of the things for me is like, well, that's nice, you know, that happened, whatever. What can I do about this now? What can I do about this tomorrow? And then also, if you don't know the answer to that one, what about what is one thing that you can use as a foundation through this holiday period? What would work for you? Is it the water? Is it the food constitution? Is it moving your body in a certain way? What would really work for you? I'd love to hear in the comments, and if you're watching the replay, do come along, drop those in the comments as well. Okay, so. My one, uh, my first one is feeling any emotion. This really is a skill to learn because when you can feel bad, when you can feel frustrated, when you can feel bored, when you can feel upset then and you don't eat, That is a humongous skill to take on board, and we are learning that over time in all sorts of different ways because sometimes, you know, you might be feeling irritated with someone and you master feeling the irritation without having to go and snack or without having to go and grab a coffee. But maybe it's boredom that comes up another time, and then you master boredom. So over time you're gonna find that this comes up in different scenarios. Being able to feel the discomfort and sit with that and not respond to that in the ways that you used to in order to feel that temporary pleasure and that temporary kind of distraction from that emotion is huge. And that's a lot of what we teach in the school of sustainable weight loss. So for our members who are listening in here around that, please if you, um, you know, think that this is one, a big one for you, go in to have a look at all of our stuff around processing emotions. Honestly, that is some of the most, um, Kind of remarkable work that you can do in this whole journey, and it will serve you in all sorts of other ways. So I can probably give an example over the holiday period, and it might not even be an emotional eating example necessarily, because this also goes into urge management. You might see treat. Over the holiday period that you don't normally get at any other time of the year. And so your brain is gonna tell you, oh, you know, you don't ever get to eat this. You know, you should have lots of it. Now, it's gonna bring back all these lovely memories. If you can sit with that desire and not respond to it in the same way that you have before, or maybe you just go, you know what, I'm gonna put it off for 10 minutes, or I'm gonna have one, and then walk away that. Will really, really serve you going forward. So that can be a way of experiencing any emotion. What do you think about the emotional side of things, Matea? I think, I think a big one that comes up around the holidays is family triggering us and meaning they say something you feel a certain way. And so the processing there and not feeling like I need to go get a cookie or go get something to instantly feel better, right? Cause you're like, well, I'm having to deal with how I'm feeling at this moment, so now I wanna just go do this to try to make myself feel better. So I think that, I know for myself, it's been so helpful to just realize like, yeah. I'm feeling this way. These things are happening. It's okay. I've got different skills now. Like I kind of need to pep talk myself Sometimes during the holidays, like a lot like when my toddler's running mad in an unbaby proof home. I need to really talk to myself and I give myself a lot of compassion for that. It's okay. It is a struggle period. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. And it's almost like we need to be our own coach at these times, don't we? You know, we've gotta be our own cheerleader and be our own coach. So if you can imagine what Matea and I, or I may say to you, if you were to bring this to us on a call, if you can do that for yourself in those moments, that will be hugely helpful. You know, it's like, I've got this, I know this is hard, I'll get through this. You know, it's, it's not gonna last forever. I won't always feel this way. All those types of ways that you can coach yourself through it are gonna be really, really helpful. Definitely. Good. So thinking about emotions as a skill, like dealing with emotions as a skill, that's a whole new way of thinking about it that many of us have not really come across before. Like before I went into the world of coaching, I never thought about emotions like this. I always just thought it was something that happened to me that they wash over me, you know, with some kind. Divine thing that happens. I have no control over it. I'm a victim to it. You know? There's nothing I can do. And yeah, it changes. It changes everything. Do you know what I always thought, Carrie, before I learned about coaching, I always thought like, oh, these are really irritating, annoying, whatever things, and then I've gotta avoid these things. Like that's the problem. These scenarios, that's the problem. And it's like, Well, you're gonna have a very narrow life. If any friend that ever says something you don't like, any family member, whatever it is, humans say things that are not always pleasing to us. And so if we, yeah, if every single scenario or person or thing like that gets us worked up, we, we end up needing to think of, you know, well, how can I navigate this world where it's a little bit easier? Yeah, absolutely. So I'd love for you to think if you are watching along, what is one way that you can deal with one of these emotional things that come up for you? What's the common one? Is it the urge that comes up, the desire to go and eat something? Is it the frustration? Is it the boredom? You know, all those types of scenarios. What can you do next time when you're feeling that emotion in order to just delay it a bit in order just to allow yourself to experience it and process it a little bit? What would feel good to you? So have a think about that, that will really serve you going through this period. Now, the second one that I wanted to talk about as well, and I think this is huge over the holiday period, is having the courage to say no. And that means having the courage to say no to those who are around you, but also to yourself sometimes as well. So that kind of comes back into what we were saying before, feeling any emotion. I think these two things are really closely tied because it can feel scary to say no to people. Like, um, I, I had a client whose mum used to cook and would give her humongous plates, and it was way more than she wanted to eat. And she had told her mom again and again and again. You know, she was watching her portion size. She didn't want desserts, you know, she didn't want as much dessert and her mom would still give her all of that food because it was like her love language. That's what she did for her. So having the courage to say no, even when someone has lovingly prepared you this food, you know, even when someone may have some more nefarious kind of emotions going on in the background, a more nefarious agenda, you know, being able to say no and stand your ground, I think is a really, really good skill to have. Definit. Carrie, I always love when you say, um, practicing the no muscle I, that always stuck with me we're the first person I heard. Say it in that way. And what I wanna bring up to people is this, the first time you're practicing using this muscle, it can feel uncomfortable because new things can feel uncomfortable. So keep in mind that doesn't mean anything has gone wrong or that it shouldn't be happening in that way. Maybe the first time you say no to yourself. I'll give my own example. Um, at Christmas time, we have so many like cookies and chocolates and all these things around. It's a loving thing because, um, uh, family members and all these people are giving stuff. And this is, we come to the home in Chicago and it's all around and so old me. Carrie wants to eat absolutely everything. Like everything I see, I wanna have no filter and just shove it in my mouth. The problem is I feel horrible doing this on, on just multiple levels. Like I physically don't feel good. So saying no to myself at first was uncomfortable. Like, well, it looks pretty and I'm only here for however many days. And you know, I had all this story, but the end of the day it was so loving for me to decide what I was gonna do there ahead of time. Which kind of makes me think here I'm looking, we got a com, we've had a few comments. Planning. I try to plan and stick with it. And then there was another planning one, um, planning ahead for work parties at a certain restaurant by planning my meals ahead of time. That's what it's about, right? Like that really helps me to kind of bring it together cuz it helps me out in those scenarios. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. And so when you know you plan, and that is one of the most powerful things that we talk about, and I think that's a skill in itself as well, using your prefrontal cortex, and then someone deviates from that plan and they offer you a glass of wine, or they offer you a dessert, or they offer you the bread basket at a restaurant, you know, whatever the situation is. What do you say in that situation? And, and yeah, the, the no muscle, I can't remember where I heard that, but I love that description of it as well. And it's like, you know, the more you practice it, the better you get at it. And it feels scary and it feels weird, but it, I think it's also a really loving thing to do, not just for yourself. but also for the people around you, because it teaches other people how you like to be treated. Yeah. You know, so you don't have to, you know, be this kind of more, less authentic version of yourself that just says yes to everything. Because quite often there's a people pleasing thing going on. You want people to like you, you don't want'em to feel bad. They've cooked, et cetera, et cetera. You don't want to. You know, have any kind of bad emotions going on in there. So we, we often, people please in these scenarios, and actually we think that we're doing something that's really loving, but ultimately it's not as loving because they don't know the real you. The real you who might not like that kind of food. That's like, right, so I always say it's when you stop. When you stop lying, you get to start living. And so what ends up happening is you think you're people pleasing in that scenario. You're saying yes to the family member that's maybe offering you dessert when you decided I've totally had enough. You've actually worked through your desire. You don't want it. But you think, oh, I don't want mom to be mad at me, or whatever your thought is. And, and here's the problem. You have weeks of mental baggage to clean up after that. They're not witnessing that. So that is why it is it. You'd need to have a moment of discomfort of saying no to learn a new way. Help them learn who you are, help yourself learn who you are and start to build that out because then you don't need this, this, this clean up backup crew constantly. And maybe that's only. Experience, but it's this like having to work through the aftermath that is just so much darn work, and I don't want that for you anymore, where you have to keep doing. No, no, absolutely. And I think as well, if you, if you think about, and it's not always this way, but if they are people who love us, if they have our best interest at heart, and most of the people in our lives will probably be like that, who are offering us these things from a loving gesture, would they actually want you to be going through all that mental kind of, You know, burden afterwards, they wouldn't. So it's, it's possibly a more loving thing to them as well, to be able to take care of yourself in that way. Yeah. So, you know, they don't feel like they've put you in a bad situation if they did witness that and know all the struggle that you go through as a result of that. And most people, again, the people around us get used to who we become, right? So we're all evolving with time. There's no one who's just like staying the same, like everyone's going through evolutions all the time. I have a client where she decided, you know, she was doing whatever for X period of time. She told her kids and then they would ask her, Hey, do you want this or not? Instead of just grabbing it automatically. They didn't care. They were like, they were happy to do whatever she said. She needed to be supported. And so it's interesting. We need to speak up a little bit for people to know. Yeah, absolutely. It's so true. Definitely there's a lot of that stuff that comes up in weight loss, I think. Um, and around food and our weight, you know, it's, it's really, really interesting. Um, you know how it's about our boundaries and it's about, you know, us being authentic. There's a huge amount in that, that, you know, food seems like such a anate thing really, but actually it's kind of like a sign as to everything that's going on in our life, you know? So it's a little bit of a window into the soul in some. Okay. So if you are listening in, um, on the replay or if you're watching live, I would love for you to take action and list one thing that you are going to take away in the comments. Now, this is gonna help you to really synthesize everything you, you've learned and think about. How does this relate to me? How can I actually make something happen from what I've just learned? Instead of being passive and thinking about this interesting topic that you might have been listening to, how do you actually apply it in your own life? So let us know in the comments how you are going to take action on this. What's one thing that you are gonna do? One thing that you are taking on board, one light bulb moment that you've had a breakthrough in the comments and. Oh, I was gonna say, while they're doing that, why don't I just summarize the four real quick, just so that every, yeah, let's do that moment. So we talked about four micro skills today, and number one, we talked about being future focused. Really that pivot point no matter what happens. You learn how to just move right on. Like, we're not letting this define us anymore. How quick can I make that happen? Just really moving. Right on. Number two, we talked about kind of these foundations of self care, this baseline minimum, and we had a great comment here. Um, someone said, I was thinking that I had no idea what my minimums are, and then you started talking about walking and I realized that. For me, getting outside improves my mood so much that this is one of my minimums. Yes. Mm-hmm. So you see, we gotta like be a little bit the investigator of what's happening in our life cuz we think, well I don't, I don't have anything that I do. I don't know, I don't take care of myself in any way. Like when women come into our program, they're like, I'm not doing anything. I'm outta control. And we start to talk and they're like, oh, I'm doing all this stuff. So like naming it. Okay. So it's a baseline minimum. Number three. Carrie talked about feeling any emotion. So processing means it goes through us, but we don't react right away. We don't respond in the same ways. So lots of tools to be able to do that. And then number four, willing to say no. Practicing the no muscle. Yeah. Brilliant. Okay, lovely. So I look forward to hearing what you have as your takeaway and how you're gonna implement this in your life. And thank you for being here today. It's been a wonderful conversation. So we will be back next week with another Wednesday. Meet up. Have a great week everyone. Bye.