Hello, welcome to our Wednesday meetup. Today we have a fascinating topic. This is one of my most favorite topics to talk about in this whole weight loss and mindset realm. And that is you are what you think you are, not what you eat, you are what you think. And. It's such a fascinating thing to discuss the way our mind creates our reality, our identity, and how that shows up in weight loss. We're gonna talk about all of that today. I'm really excited to be sharing this topic with you today. So before we kick off, wanna hear from you. Where are you joining us from and. How are you doing today? How are you feeling? Maybe you can drop an emoji into the comments, into the chat that represents how you are feeling today. So I would probably do some kind of nighttime emoji right now because it's 4:00 PM here in the UK and it's literally dark outside. I think I'm gonna see the moon soon if the cloud clears. It's ridiculous how dark it is here. So I'm feeling very wintery and very kind of like in hibernation mode at the moment. But anyway, that's where we're at. So. Let's talk about how you actually are, what you think. I know that might sound a bit weird, but your identity. Let's think about your identity. Where does your identity come from? It comes from a bunch of things that we believe to be true about ourselves. We might believe things like. I am fat. I am big boned. I am a food addict. I'm a sugar addict. I can never stop eating food. I can't stop eating sugar. Um, diets don't work for me. These types of things, any of the I am statements that you've got going on in your head. The beautiful thing about actually recognizing these is to actually see that what if they were just beliefs that you held to be true in your brain? What if it was not? The reality of the world and the universal truth because honestly, that is what's going on. I know that they feel really true, but the thing is a belief. One of the things that I learned when we were going through coaching, um, college, was that a belief is just a bunch of things that you've thought a number of times. And so the neural pathway in your mind has just become really ingrained and well worn. So you've become very used to thinking this thought. It's easy to recall. It pops up automatically. You don't really have to like think about it. Um, you don't have to do anything to kind of recall it. It almost is like an assessment of your reality. This is the world, this is the news as I'm reading it. Did you not know? I'm fat. I'm big boned. I can't lose weight, You know, all these types of things that we've said about ourselves. And I'm here to say to you today that if you're holding this belief system, it is in fact something that will be holding you back on your weight loss journey. So when we think these things about our cells, like I, I can't lose weight. I am a food addict. how do you think that plays out when you hold that belief about yourself in your life? How does it make you feel? Usually there's a real sense of being defeated, being disappointed, and that, and it kind of brings about this kind of, um, mindset of what's the point? You know, it's like, why even bother starting this is never going to work right? When we hold these beliefs about ourselves, so, Maybe you want to identify, have you got any of these beliefs going on in your mind? Have a think to yourself and if you're here live or if you're on the replay, I'd love to hear from you in the comments what kind of, um, I am statements Have you got running in your mind? Now? I can see someone saying here, I hate the food addict label. Um, and it makes me feel exactly like you said. Why bother? Absolutely. Isn't that this? Yes. And by the way, Carrie, like it, I love this comment and I love that we can pin it now, um, because it's like, it's not even, it's like in some scenarios it might be helpful, but you don't need to keep identifying with things that don't work for you. We're not saying that there might not be a struggle or whatever the case might be, but you don't have to keep identifying. Yes, absolutely. Because isn't it interesting the way you say that? It's so true. I hate the food addict label and it makes me feel exactly like you say, why bother? So if there is even a small part of you that believes somewhere deep down that maybe you are a food addict or that you have. Some kind of disordered relationship with food, you know? Then there's an opportunity here to actually say, this is a label that maybe you are even holding for yourself. You might hate that label in general for society, but if you are holding that anywhere within you, perhaps it's an opportunity to examine that and see how you can start to release that and let that go and create a whole new identity. Based on whatever you want to create it into. So someone said here easily, um, easily said so hard to do. This is a perfect segue. Yeah, because that's also a belief that it's really hard to do. Like we're not being like the police on these thoughts, but Yeah. But, but, but saying, okay, first of all, when, when you know what the belief is, and I'm wondering if anyone can, uh, pop in the comments, what are things that you believe about yourself to be true? I came up with the one I used to tell myself, and then a year or two ago, I was like, I'm not repeating this all the time, and I actually did it on the podcast. Okay. So you guys can go back and listen. I used to always say, I am someone who's always been over. I used to think that that was helpful. I realize I don't wanna keep repeating that narrative anymore. It's not helpful for me because it keeps me stuck in, well, I'm always gonna struggle with it, and then it's always gonna this and it's always gonna that, and so to me, I. Have, this is something I've have worked on and am working on. I do not wanna keep repeating the narrative of I'm someone who's always been overweight. That was something in the past. I'm working toward a different version, a different person than I am. And so it sounds factual, right? Like when you brought that up, I was like, yeah, but it, but it's been a fact, Carrie. And I'm like, but I don't wanna argue for it anymore and it's not helping me out. So that's been my own one. And I'm curious what other people, what they mm-hmm. think is a fact and what they're really holding onto what they're fighting for. Right. Totally. I know we've got another good one that I wanna talk about in a moment, but I'll just do a quick segue into one of my big ones. Um, which was I decided that my metabolism must be broken because Oh yeah. Apparently I couldn't lose weight and here we are now. I lost weight you know, and I was holding onto that belief. Oh my god. So hard. I fought for that belief. You know, I fought for my limitations. It's like, and you know, and if you are in that position at all where you are like saying things like, well, I'm big boned. Well maybe it's my thyroid. And you know, and assuming you haven't got a note from the doctor saying that, you know, my metabolism must be broken. Something like that, a little bit like I did, I started using this as a way. explain why things weren't working for me, and I think it made me feel better on some level. And then I, I guess it also explained my reality. I was like, why is it that I tried to do this and I tried to do that and nothing worked well, it must be my metabolism. And I fought so hard for that, and it wasn't until. I worked with a weight loss coach, and literally it was like the universe brought her to me because I was actually doing, um, I used to help therapists with their website and she had a page on her website for what, uh, weight loss coaching. And I was like, this sounds really interesting actually, but I don't believe it will work for me. So, you know, like I'll just, you know, help you with this page and then we'll move on. and, uh, she, she really saw where I was at and she was like, Nope. She showed me all the data, all the evidence for this program. And you know what, lo and behold, I lost six kilos, 12 pounds on that program, you know, so yeah, it proved me wrong. My metabolism was not broken. you know, so this is the thing. Sometimes we fight for our limitations and we don't realize how damaging and limiting that. No. So it's really good to see this and see that actually, what if it wasn't true? What if there was actually something else that was possible? Yeah. We have such good comments here. Such good comments. I can't follow through on a diet. Nothing is going to stick. Oh, I had very similar Oh, when you hear this, right? Yeah. Like, and it's like we're just having a human moment when we, when we see this comment. I want you to think about like what does this generate for you when you read this, right? Whether you wrote the comment or whether you're just in general listening and like for me when I read, I can't follow through on a diet, nothing's gonna stick. I feel like sad, frustration, hopeless, like those are, that's the energy that it would put me into if I think this way. Cuz I used to think this way. This is, I used to be like, well, nothing ever worked, so why, why am I gonna try something? Um, and I had to start to, like, part of my pivot was, and this is part of coaching, is asking better questions. What if it did work? What would I be doing? What if it was easy? What, what would today look like? Um, yeah, what if I tried it in a different way that I've never done before? What if it does work? Like just starting to ask different questions? Cuz I've gotta break this cement belief that I'm believing to be. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Should we have a look at another one that's, that's come through? I'll never be thin enough for me to not be fat, so why lose anything? Wow. That is a really interesting one, isn't it? Like, you know, I'm, I'm still always gonna consider myself fat, essentially. Really? It's never good enough, right? Like, so basically the benchmark is always like, I have to be this, whatever society is labeling as you've created. Uh, idealized version of what you have to get to. So for yourself, it can never measure up. It can never be enough or in a really good place, cuz I'll still have that label. Totally, totally. Um, and then someone else is just commenting on the metabolism point, you know? That's so true. Blaming it all on metabolism and such things like that. Absolutely. So wherever we can see, is there a justification? Is there like, I don't wanna say excuse as in like, you know, making it seem like a bad thing, but maybe there are some reason. that your brain is giving to you as like, oh, well it must be because of what if that wasn't true? So that's something that we can really dig into. Yeah, definitely. And here's another good one. Nothing's happening, so why bother anymore? Yes. Yes. Gosh, gosh. I think we brought up like really common ones. Cause I know me and you kind of had some of our own thoughts here, but literally everybody's kind of brought up. Like we've really covered it, right? Yeah. So I have the label of being overweight and some people use the term fat, whatever you wanna use. It's never gonna change. I can't stick with it. Um, it's not, it's not working. Why bother? What was the other one on here? I never blame that enough. Yep. Not then enough blaming metabolism. So anything. Yep. I think Keri, like if I were to define this, I think step one is you've gotta know the track that's playing 24 7. You don't even realize the music's on. But you've got to realize what it is. And for me, like this, and again, it's always evolving, but it was just always identifying with this, I am the overweight girl. I am the one that always, and it's like, I don't want this to always be a thing where this is like the thing that defines me, right? I wanna move on with my life. And so I have to stop kind of making that the main identifier, right? But like I needed to realize that I was doing that to. Totally, totally. I think it's recognizing that story, isn't it? That all of these sentences that are just floating around in our head, and if you've ever gone into a meditation or a yoga class, and you might go through that experience of being on a guided meditation and you know, it's really common thing. So maybe you've experienced this where they'll talk about. watch for that sentence in your mind, and when you see it, see if you can visualize letting it float away into the sky. That's the kind of thing that we wanna do here, because these tracks that are playing are so subconscious. You often don't even realize until you start asking these questions, what do I really believe about myself in terms of my capability to lose weight? How I am in my body? What's my relationship like with food? Until you ask those questions, you may not even realize a story that you've been telling yourself subconsciously, and so this is where. Seeing all of this come up now, aren't we? Because we've been asking questions in this live and some of the comments that have been coming through. It's like, ah, that's one of the sentences that has been floating around. And when we can capture that sentence and examine it for what it is, it's a bunch of words. It may not be true. Let's ask a question. Is that true? For example, nothing's happening, so why bother? Is it true that nothing is happening really? What are you defining as nothing? Right, right. Is it true that. your sleep is not improving at all. Is it true that the scale hasn't budged at all? You might find that there's a little bit of up and down because I'd be very surprised if it was literally a straight line. It's like, that's human You know? You never encountered anyone Right, right. Yeah, exactly. You know, so, or maybe you are, the scales have gone up a bit, but you are eating better or you are exercising more and building muscle strength or bone density. Right. So, What is nothing that your brain is telling you, so that can be a question to ask yourself. When you start to identify this track that Mateo was talking about, is there truth in that story that your brain is telling you? How can you pick that apart? Is it possible that there's anything that's untrue in that? and if you are, so what you're talking about, Carrie, I kind of call that like punching holes in the story. Right? So the way I see it, and I, I'm a very visual person. I imagine like if you had written out your story, we're just gonna literally like punch holes in the page where like that sentence has a flaw hole mm-hmm. And at the end you can't even read the story anymore because you've just kind of like gone to so many different parts and started to kind of made it not true anymore. Right. But if you are not ready for that, maybe you're someone that's like, I can't even. Separate myself from like, I'll give you an, I'm gonna do my own example, right? This, oh, I'm someone who's always been overweight. You could say, okay, that's objectively true. You could say, look, you could look at the childhood weight and you could do that. Here's the where it starts to, um, break down. If you're not able to separate yourself that this is not true, you could just start by saying things like, Interesting. This is something I'm telling myself a lot, quote mark, whatever the belief is exactly, you start to create some distance between you and the thought, so it can be interesting. I'm telling myself this a lot. This is something I'm thinking and it's a thought. It sounds so silly, but like realizing it's a thought. Not everybody would, would say this. Not everybody would believe this. I can't prove this to anyone, but again, if you're not ready to go that far, you can just start with, I'm telling myself this every single day and here's what it is. This is a, God could just start with that. Exactly. And this is where, you know, we can start to also think about how things play out in your life when you're holding onto this thought. So now that you've identified it, you've separated it, you are starting to look at it, you know you are, you are starting to see this is a thought. Is it really true? Consider, how does it make you feel when you hold onto this belief, that belief that nothing is working, that belief that you can't follow through that belief that you are never going to be thin enough. How does that make you feel that you are a food addict? what feelings come up? We've to spoken about some of them already, haven't we? Like, you know, disappointment, sadness, um, you know, defeated. Frustration. Frustration. Frustration. Yeah. Huge frustration. Absolutely. And so when you are feeling that, discuss someone in saying yes. Yep. Strong negative emotions, aren't they? Yep. What kinda things happen in your life? What things do you do? because we know that feelings motivate everything that we do. So when you're coming from such a dark and negative place, you are feeling disgusted. What do you do? Do you overeat? Do you over drink? Do you pick up your, and just scroll mindlessly. It's like, Carrie, I can tell you what you're not doing is taking the best care of yourself, Carrie. Really? There's no version where disgust is coming up and you're like, and then I went and took amazing care of myself that day. That was like, no, does not compute. Yeah, absolutely overeating. Yep. Winfield disgusted. Overeating is often one of the big ones cuz it's like that emotional ovary then, isn't it? Like, well, I feel disgusting. What's the point? Nothing is happening. Why bother? I'm just gonna go and eat. Totally. I'm just gonna eat my face off and feel temporarily better. and then we feel even worse you know? So it's just interesting to see how it plays out. And this is how it comes back to the whole title of this episode, which is You are what you think. You have created that from that thought process. And I know it's not conscious, and I'm not blaming you by saying that. Yep. I'm just offering you some empowerment and some awareness around what the story in your brain and how it's creating your reality. Totally. You know, Carrie, I'm also a fan of, I love the one thing on one side and then something on the other side. So what you just talked about, like playing that model out of, okay, when I, I'm holding onto this belief, here's what it creates for me. I feel this way, and then I do these things. And then on the other side of the paper, I would play around with what if that were not true? Maybe I would think whatever thought or whatever it might be. And then what would I feel? Then what would I do then? And then you can see these different realities. Nothing has changed except the thought. And we're not gonna like swap it out or do anything crazy, but just realizing, oh, this could potentially be optional where I'm at. I didn't even realize I got here. There's no shame in how I got here. None of that. But there are different versions that, how this plays out. you know? Yes, absolutely. I love that. Yeah. Just playing around with those powerful questions, like, what if I believed in a different way? What if I believed that the next moment could be better? What if I believed that the next decision could be a better one? What would that look like? I was thinking through, again, just like with my own scenario, cause I've worked through it a lot this year and I was thinking, okay, so the old me was like, you know, you, you've always been over. We're always overweight or something like that. And it was really like always frustration and like, look at all these things you have to do to maintain weight loss and like all this. And I was thinking about when I was doing food prepping at that time, it was very like, look at all the work you have to do. Like, that was like my thought behind it. Nowadays it's like I take really good care of myself and it's the same actions, but it's like coming from a joyful place. Like I'm so excited. I love that I, I love that it tastes this way and that things are improved and. it's the same things that are happening. Mm-hmm. I just feel like a million pounds lighter. The load is so much lighter. I know. It's so true. It's so interesting. And that just shows like how, what we are thinking really colors everything that you know is, is going on in our world. So for those of you who are here live, those of you watching the replay, I'd love to hear what do you think is possible for you if you were to think about a different reality, you know, if you were to think about those questions, like what if this wasn't true? What else is possible? What else is true? What else is real? What would be there if I didn't hold this belief about? Yeah, you might say that the answer to that question is, I don't know, but maybe you can start to open up your awareness to figuring out what's there. I, I always say, what if you did know? And you can dream a little bit here because you do not have to achieve this tomorrow, but you gotta know where you would love to go. We start with the end in mind, and then we can work our way backwards. So let us know in the comments like, what would your dream be? You end up in this place believing these kind of things for yourself. If you were to let go of whatever's there, right? Exactly, and just to, if anything is coming up within your mind, within your body at the moment, that's fear or resistance, just know that's really, really normal. Because often when we have the absence of this belief about ourself, and it's, especially if it's a belief system that's been there for a very long time, it's like our worldview is starting to get knocked off course a little bit and it's like, whoa, our whole reality is changing. Yeah. You know, our identity is essentially changing through this whole process when that's no longer there and. It can feel a little bit like too much of a leap, like, well, wouldn't it be amazing if I could be this size and I would effortlessly look after myself and I'd no longer have to worry about all of this? And then it's like, ah, fear comes up. That's not possible. You know, tried that before. So just watch how those things can come back around again. And it's okay for that to be present because we haven't reprogrammed it yet. It just needs some rewiring. It's like, we'll, We always say like, you're in here in the safety zone, which is you believing the same things. doing nothing and feeling the same way. And then growth is stepping a little bit out. Panic zone shuts you down. We're not going to panic zone, we're going to growth zone. Um, I just had a, a client earlier this morning and it's been amazing what she's achieved over the past, you know, year, year and a half. And she said, Matta, I would never have believed this was possible when we first started working together. And so what was interesting is I thought back to what was it that she had done initial. It was little self-care things like I'm talking, acknowledging if she stopped for a water break, like just acknowledging those things. That was the first step. And then now she's made all this progress, all this time in, but you've, you start at the beginning, but you still in your mind know, Hey, I don't like how things are right now and I wanna change X, Y, Z. Yes. Got someone saying here. Yeah, interesting. Panic zone shuts you down. I never realized I was in that zone. Yes. I always say it's like it's when you ask yourself to do so much that I don't know, Carrie, do you get this feeling like I can, I feel the chest pressure. I'm like, I can't do it. Like literally my body, like the nervous system's, like too much. And I would always try to like push past that. Like, well, that just means, that just means we need to like really fight harder. Instead of like, I'm gonna stop this in a day and go back to comfort food because it's too much what we're doing. Totally. I feel like that that zone is basically like fight or flight or fear or you know, or the phoning kind of response, the freeze and the foreign kind of response. You know, it's like anything in that realm where you have a real nervous system response. Mm-hmm. your mind is not quite there yet to support your nervous system to be at that level, if that makes sense. So it's like your, your glass ceiling breakout zone, you know? Yeah, yeah. Glass ceiling. Like you're just not ready to you. We have to find another way for you to reach the next level. Okay. Glass ceilings, if those of you guys are not as familiar, like. There are these invisible things where, um, they're your upper limit problems. You end up being like, I always get sick when I do too much. I always, this, I always say, it's like your body is saying we need a different way to keep going. Like, there's something else that needs to get addressed here. Yeah, absolutely. So I love this common, uh, so, um, so true. I think if I didn't think the world saw me as the fat person in the room, what would they think I was now isn't that an interesting question? A good one. If people didn't think you were the fat person in the room, what might they think? And I wonder what is the first answer that comes into your brain around that? We had a great conversation actually with one of our members on the coaching call last night that I was running, and she was talking about shifting her perspective actually a little bit. And actually, funnily enough, it kind of ties into this whole topic that we're talking about today where she had this thought in her mind. I am gross. My body is gross. And that made her feel really disgusted with herself. And yet when she shifted her perspective to think about how her grandchildren would see her, they would probably see her as the cute, warm, loving grandma. not gross, not disgusting. So it's like, you know, if you can have that perspective shift, and imagine if you looked at yourself through someone else's eyes, what might they think about you? Yeah. And then that might be a way that you can start to think about some other beliefs. Like if you're not the fat person in the room, maybe someone's looking at you thinking I'm here. If this is in a professional environment, you know, she's really capable. Um, she knows her stuff, she speaks confidently. you know, she's confident. What might they think? What do you reckon, Mateo? Yeah. I think about, um, this was me like, yes, at the beginning of my journey and thinking, oh my gosh, what do people think of me? And then I got to the place of being like, Well, what's going on that doesn't relate to food because obviously my brain is stuck in thinking, everyone thinks about me and weight. But what I really like the story I started to build out was colleagues love to talk to me. We connect every day. We, I mean, I was just like, I've got great friendships. Like I was like, what if this just like was not how like the main thing that people cared about at all? And I've really chosen to build out all those other aspects. And then lo and behold, Carrie, I have really great friendships now. Isn't that funny how that happens? Because I'm not like me, me, me. It's all about my weight. But yeah. But that's a choice to decide. You get to decide whatever you think people are thinking about you in the room and you get to keep reinforcing that cuz it's a made up story anyway when you think they're sitting there think or the fat person made up. Totally. A completely made up story cuz I bet there might be other people in the. who are thinking, oh, she's got a lovely body. You know, she's a beautiful shape. You know, look at those clothes that she's wearing, she's wearing, how great does that look? And yes, you might be right, there might be some people in the room that might be thinking, oh, she's a bit overweight. Chances are the majority of people there are not even looking at you and assessing your body size or your body shape. I bet they caught up in their own story in their head. Right? So, you know, this is where we can also start to pick holes in this story and then say, you know, The whole world doesn't see me like that. It's not a universal law and a universal truth. Yep. So what if people were not even that bothered about anything about me? Cuz they're wrapped up in their own story. Yeah. Well, what if I chose to stop caring what other people thought? Because I, I need to put so much energy into what I wanna believe and what my values are, that I'm not gonna let someone else, whatever my made up story is what they're believing. I'm not gonna let that dictate my reality anymore. Yes. here's a great comment. Why is it so important that other people, what other people think of us? I'm like that as well. Ugh. Yes. I think a lot of this is evolutionary though. We're, we're, we're, we're creatures of, um, uh, sort of one of our, uh, we need connection. We wanna be in a pack. We sort of want to fit in. We want friends. We want acceptance. That's very normal. I think we just have to remind ourselves nowadays, like, um, safety is not threatened if someone disagrees with us or someone has a negative opinion of us. Mm-hmm. it's not, it's not like suddenly we're out in the cold and we're not taken care of and a, a bear eats us. It's just not happening anymore. No, I mean, this was a survival instinct once upon a time. I mean, if you didn't have your tribe and you were left behind, you possibly couldn't survive in the world, or it would be very, very difficult, right? So we've always had this drive. I mean, it is one of the foundations, isn't it? You know, in psychology to have that connection, to have those people around, you know? So, yeah, that this is totally normal. For us to be worried about this. And we also get to see that it's optional to think that, and we can, we have a prefrontal cortex. This is a beautiful thing about the human mind. We can start to change and rewire and program our brain to think in any way we want. Yeah. So I wonder if we should start to wrap it up there, Matt Mateya, because I know that we're about to record another wonderful podcast in a moment with one of our members, which is gonna be here soon. You'll be able to listen to it shortly. It's gonna be great. I'm sure. Um, so just to wrap up, I'm just thinking, you know, maybe. You can have a think about what that more powerful question or that powerful belief is for yourself in terms of your identity. So it could be an open-ended question, like, how do I want to see myself? Or it could be I'm becoming a person who believes, you know it's possible, lose weight. It's possible to look after myself. Whatever that is, keep repeating that question or that new empowering thought and start to rewire your. Yes. Repeated often. Yes, absolutely. Alright. Right. Thank you so much for being here today. It's been wonderful chatting to you. And we will be back next week with another topic, won't we, mate? Yes. Because it's just before you'll be there next week. Yep. Okay, good. We'll see you then. Okay. Bye.