As women, we’re surrounded by TV ads telling us to treat ourselves to a bubble bath, indulge in some nice chocolate, or go for a massage. This is such a huge misconception of what self-love is because these are great things for us to be doing for ourselves anyway. It’s promoting the outsourcing of our self-love and all of our self-care, when really this should be coming from within.
The concept of self-love can be uncomfortable for many women, especially if it’s associated with vanity and egotism. However, true self-love is nothing like that.
In this episode, Keri explains why self-love is essential for losing weight sustainably and reveals 5 ways you can start loving yourself today.
To read the full show notes for this episode, https://thewlcc.com/101-2/
1:37 - “It is absolutely essential to really integrate and start changing the thought patterns around how you think about yourself in order to help you lose the weight sustainably and keep it off.”
03:03 - “No matter what you've done that you perceive to be wrong or bad, you still extend that kindness out to yourself. You make yourself a priority no matter what.”
06:55 - “This is a core skill in weight loss, to really start changing your relationship with yourself, so you don't get into that state where you feel so bad that the only option for you is to emotionally eat your way through that.”
11:42 - A lot of this lack of self-love can be driven by shame, by guilt, by fear-based beliefs.
01:58 - Keri discusses what ‘self-love’ can mean to different people.
02:55 - We learn about self-love in the form of extending kindness to yourself.
03:19 - We find out how women have a tendency to focus on others and deprioritize themselves.
05:03 - How self-love comes in the form of acknowledging strengths and balancing out negativity.
07:08 - How to make the space to have your wants and needs met.
07:56 - We discover the importance of setting boundaries.
10:00 - We find out what happens when the self-love tank is running low.
13:03 - Keri shares an analogy to help us reframe our thought patterns.
13:58 - Keri gives you an exercise to raise awareness as to where you're at right now and encourages you to find a different way forward.
Hello, welcome here we are with our weekly meet up. It is so great to see you today. So we do these lives every Monday at 12 o'clock UK time now, which is 7:00 AM in Eastern standard time if you are in the States. And actually I'm starting a few minutes late today, so I'm really sorry about that. I've actually just been doing a session with one of my natural health clients and it ran over a little bit, but. Here I am. I am so excited to be here with you today. So if you're joining us live, let us know in the comments where you are joining us from and what your name is. We would love to hear where you are at in the world now. Today I wanted to talk to you all about self-love. we are having the month of self-love in the school of sustainable weight loss. So the whole of February is a focus for us on self-love, and it's actually one of the modules that is within the School of Sustainable Weight Loss. So we have been talking quite a lot about self-love, and we believe this is one of the key strategies that you actually need to implement. It's not. It's not even it's not a like, oh yeah, that'd be nice. That's a cherry on top kind of a strategy. We believe it's absolutely key. It is absolutely essential to really integrate and start changing the thought patterns around how you think about yourself in order. To really help you lose the weight sustainably and keep it off if that is your choice. So I'd love to hear from you. What do you think about self-love? What does it mean to you? I've heard some great comments before because we have been talking about it a bit within the school of sustainable weight loss community, and people have been saying things like, oh yeah. You know, it's when you talk to yourself in a nice way. It's when you treat yourself in a nice way, and I think that's absolutely correct. It really, really is. It's all about how we treat ourselves. And I do think there's a little bit of a misconception out there. Like, oh, it's, you know, we see these ads on TV as women, right? Like, you know, treat yourself to a bubble bath and relax, or you know, have some nice chocolate, go for a massage, this type of thing. And actually, I think that's a really, really big misconception because it's also outsourcing. All of our self-love and all of our self-care, these are great things to do for yourself. Like why not just do them anyway? Why does that have to be a declaration of self-love? So we look at self-love as being, you know, the kind of thing where you extend kindness to yourself no matter what is happening in your life. No matter what you've done that you perceive to be wrong or bad, you still accept or you still extend that kindness out to yourself. You make yourself a priority no matter what. As women, isn't it so common that. We prioritize other people in our lives. If you've got children, if you've got a family, it's probably, you know, something that you are possibly quite familiar with. If you are into the pattern of you know, the stereotypical woman's role, you know, we are always prioritizing other people's needs over and abo above our own. And if you're not in that stereotypical RO role, you may find that there's an urge to do that anyway, because that's just what society has told. I find this is really common in our household around eating times. I notice I deprioritize my own eating time. If, you know I'm busy, I've gotta do something for my daughter, I've gotta, you know, get stuff done. I will delay lunch even if I'm hungry. Whereas my partner, he takes exquisite care of himself. He knows when he needs to eat, and he will be like, Nope, it's lunchtime, I'm eating. And sometimes I'm, I get a little bit like, hang on a minute, You know, like, I don't. I don't get this like you know, this, this pleasure to do this, like to eat anytime I want. And then when I, when I stop being triggered and I really think it through, I'm like, actually, I get to make this decision. I could prioritize myself in those moments and not let myself get over hungry. I'm just giving you an example here of how that plays out in my life and I'm wondering if you. Identify anything like that in your life. Are there any ways that you deprioritize yourself? So as you are listening to this live as you are, whether you are catching up on it at, on the podcast, I wanna invite you to really get clear on, on that question, like whether there's anything that you are deprioritizing your own needs around so you can be really aware of how that is playing out. Self-love is also giving yourself permission to really own your strengths and your gifts. You know, to really be there and acknowledge the things that you do well. The ways which you are just by the way you are being within yourself, the way that you are. Great in all of those ways, to really acknowledge that because our brain is completely wired for negativity bias. Negativity bias is. Our brain tends to spot all the things that have gone wrong. It tends to dwell on those things and it tends to make decisions about now and the future from a very negative place. And so it's the same really when it comes to our relationship with ourself, that negativity bias is gonna highlight to you all the ways in which you are bad and wrong and things should be improved. And maybe what. we could balance that up a little bit by saying, okay, okay, brain, there might be some bits, some areas where I could improve, you know, that things could be a little bit better. but what about all these ways that I'm absolutely amazing? So can you hold that space for yourself to even recognize, you know, perhaps it's things like kindness, gentleness, that you're a good listener, that you know you are reliable, that you show up for others. Some of these amazing characteristics that we just want to give a little space too, and to really highlight that it's not all bad if your brain is used to telling you this story. That you are not a great person, and I know that a lot of us who have been on this weight loss journey for a while can get stuck in a rut with these stories because our brain gets on these habit loops and it can be a, a space where it's, it's kind of hard for us to be in that moment and lend, it lends itself to emotional eating. This is why it's so important to start talking to ourselves in a different way. Some of this might sound airy fairy, but I really do believe that this is a core. Core kind of skill, if you like, in weight loss, to really start changing your relationship with yourself so you don't get into that state where you feel so bad that the only option for you is to emotionally eat your way through that. It's also around making space to get in touch with your wants and needs as well. If your life is really full. If you are really busy creating that space where you might, you know, you know, for instance that I'll give you an example from my life. I know that I need time and space to prepare my. and when I don't give myself that time and space, then often the days don't go very well in the following days. So it's much, much better for me if I can give myself some time and space, and that is a loving act for me to do that for myself. So, you know, is there a way where you are not making space for the things that you know that you need and want in your life? Perhaps that is a way that you could be showing yourself some more self-love as well. And then it's also sometimes around relationships, setting boundaries, letting people know what's okay and what's not okay in terms of how you want to be treated. You know, if you ever experience, I mean, food pushes is a boundary issue that we talk about huge amount in the school of sustainable weight loss because so many of us find it really hard to say no. Especially if someone has cooked really lovingly for us or we've always had that pattern of saying. And eating their food, it can be a very difficult issue. That's a classic one, but I bet you if you do experience difficulty around food pushes and around saying no to food, I bet this pattern shows up for you in other ways in your life. So maybe you just wanna take a moment to consider, are there any ways in which you're not upholding your boundaries in a loving way and teaching other people in your life how you want to be treated, not just simply accepting. Whatever they think is right for you, but actually standing up for yourself in a loving way and communicating what's right for you and what's wrong for you. So just to recap on those five points, and these are the things that we believe self-love is, it's that extending kindness to yourself even when you're struggling, even when things have gone wrong, making yourself a priority, prioritizing your needs, giving yourself permission to recognize the strengths and the gifts that are inherent within you, and balancing up that story of negativity that your brain might be serving you. Making the space literally in your calendar, or perhaps even in your, your house or your car, to have your needs and your wants met, if you need to do that. And then also setting the boundaries. So I invite you to consider if any of these areas are ones which you know, that you struggle a little bit with, and maybe you could actually help yourself on your weight loss journey. Now, some other ways. that's a, a lack of self-love. I sometimes call this when your self-love tank is running low, you might find that these other patterns show up for you being perfect. Does that ever show up for you being perfect on your weight loss journey? I mean, that looks like, you know, eating. On plan a hundred percent of the time, never deviating always losing weight consistently. When you don't live up to that perfect idea or ideal of what weight loss should look like, then you can go into a very self-critical state. or is it maybe always being happy? Not allowing yourself to have the space for those negative emotions, not allowing your yourself to, you know, hold the space for, actually I feel frustrated right now and that's okay and I'm gonna process this emotion, or I'm feeling angry and I feel that that's a valid response and I am gonna process this emotion. Are there any ways in which you feel more validated by something external? If someone says something to you like, you're looking really well at the moment, wow, you've lost weight or any other ways in your life outside of your weight loss journey. W if people say to you, Hey, that's a great, you did a great job. Oh my God, your cooking was wonderful. That was incredible. Anything like that, does that validate you? Does that give you a greater sense of self-worth? Because when we actually outsource our self-worth to other people, unfortunately it, it can mean that when they are not living up to our expectations, when they're not present, to actually puff us up and make us feel worth. Then we feel deflated and it's a really disempowering place to be. So we wanna be bringing the self-worth from within. This is all really very much an inside job. We're gonna talk about that a little bit in a moment. But a lot of this lack of self-love can be driven by shame, by guilt, by fear-based beliefs. So by practicing, talking to yourself in a different way, by processing those negative emotions and finding out how you can be on your weight loss journey. Like showing up without emotionally eating in these moments, it can really, really help you in the long term to have a very different relationship with food because after all, if you start talking to yourself in a different way, if you start like actually listening to what you're saying about yourself, and it's a better conversation. Quite like, usually what happens is you're gonna start feeling better about yourself. You're gonna start feeling more worthy, you're gonna start feeling more self-confidence, and, and that will start to blossom over time. Because when you feel worthy, when you feel like actually, you know, I am worthwhile, I'm worth looking after. I am important. My needs are important. Then guess what happens? You choose the nourishing foods. You choose to go to bed maybe a little bit earlier, and you stay, you know, you, you prioritize your sleep and maybe you d decide that you wanna prioritize movement in a certain way. You know, if, if that's where you're at at the moment. So it's all of these things. We start taking care of ourselves in a very different way. Now, I wanna share this analogy with you. If if you are, you are not sure about this, Imagine someone in your life that's very, very dear to you that you love dearly. So would you ever treat them in the way that you speak to yourself in your mind? Whether it's maybe a child, your significant other, a family member? Imagine if you spoke to them in the way you did. In your mind, how would they feel? How would you feel speaking to them in that way as well? Think about what it's doing to you when you're not speaking to yourself in this way. This is why it is so important, you know, because when we actually speak to ourselves in a loving way, we are going to treat ourselves in a more loving way, and that is one of the keys to sustainable weight loss. It really is an inside job. Okay, so, How do you, how do you do all of this? I wanna share with you a little exercise just to give you a little bit of an awareness as to where you're at at the moment and encourage you to find a different way forward. So, can you think of three moments, maybe in the past week, three examples where you perhaps didn't treat yourself? With the love and respect that you would love to experience. You know, maybe, maybe when you envisage yourself in in your ideal body size, when you've got to your goal weight, you know, perhaps that image in your mind, you are treating yourself very, very differently. Ask yourself, in what ways was that absent? in the past week. What are some examples? Is it an eating example? Is it an example of overeating when you know that you were, you know, full enough? Is it an example of actually beating yourself up maybe for an eat an overeat, maybe for an unplanned eat, maybe for something else that completely. Can you think of any examples with that? Can you think of any examples where you didn't prioritize your own needs and you prioritize other people's above your own, and then perhaps you felt worse for it? So consider any of those moments. I want you to write them down in your journal if you can. And if you're listening to this on the go, just make a mental note and maybe come back to it later. And then once you have got those three examples down on a page, I want you to consider. What is another option for you going forward? Because most of these things that happen, they're habitual patterns. The way that you talk to yourself after an overeat, the way you prioritize other people's needs over and above your own. For example, the way that maybe you sleep in when you know that this is your time in the morning to go and do a workout, right? Those types of moments are usually habits, so ask yourself what you might do in future instead, for those three example, See if you can find something that you can switch to and decide that you want to practice with one of them. Take on one of them this week and see if you can start integrating and actually practicing and being an example of someone who has higher self regard. Higher sense of self-worth, someone who is absolutely loving to themselves. This is going to serve you so much more on your weight loss journey because when you feel great about yourself, you're treating yourself re really, really well. You're teaching others how you want to be treated. So perhaps your external circumstances might start changing as well because they now know. Things are gonna get easier and easier for you. Okay? So that's what I've got for you this week on self-love self-love at any weight. This is how you start to practice. This is how you start to change. So I hope you've really enjoyed this. Let me know if you've got any questions in the comments. Let me know what some of your examples were. You know, what, what have you done this week that perhaps wasn't the most loving example, and what will you do instead over the next week to practice? Okay, have a wonderful week everyone, and we will be back again next Monday with another weekly meetup and Matt Mate's gonna be back with us next week. By the way, she's got all this new stuff starting this week, so she couldn't be here today and she was really disappointed about that. But next week she's gonna be with us, so that's gonna be great. We'll see you then. Have a lovely week. Bye.