Living in the Compound

You know that moment when you realise parenting isn’t a “season” but a lifetime membership with no exit clause and really, really small fine print you unhelpfully only lightly skimmed? Yep, same.

This podcast ep, witnesses QuantiPapa McGill and QuantiMama Jodi diving headfirst into Compound Living—where type-A personalities, crunchy parenting, and four kids under one roof get messy together. A place where the tension of wanting to “do all the things” bumps up against also just wanting to lie down for 5 minutes or more improbably, toilet, in peace. A place where we wrestle with the guilt, the grind, and the pervasive societal expectations that tell success is demonstrated by productivity and big screen TVs.

• How do we value the invisible work of parenting when it feels so universally thankless and repetitive?
• What shifts in us and our kids when we stop trying to control our kids’ emotions and instead hold space for them?
• And how do we untangle ourselves from the need for permission to rest, reset, or simply say, “This is hard.”

This episode touches on the quiet wisdom of surrender—the kind that doesn’t mean giving up but instead choosing to be present with what truly matters; embracing our kids’ natural curiosity (even when it means pulling apart sewing machines) and why the best moments of parenting often happen when we let go of gifted societal perceptions of perfection.

For anyone feeling stretched thin, stuck in the grind, or questioning if they’re “doing enough,” Jodi & McGill offer ‘permission’ (not that you need it, but that’s a whooollllleee other conversation) to rethink it all. This parenting gig—this unwitnessed, messy, relentless, thoroughly common ‘work’ of raising conscious, thoughtful, harmonious humans—shapes the world more than we realise. And to be honest, the world desperately needs them. 

Tune in, get curious, lighten your mind, and maybe shift gifted perspectives because in the chaos of Living in the Compound, there’s plenty of room for life-changing memories, conscious connection, and at least a few ‘fark it’ moments along the way.

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Transcript

0:04

And when you think about you and I, with a lot the the stuff we've done, I mean, we've built houses, we've, we theten pull stuff apart to try and fix or to get it going or, and sometimes... You more so than me, I'm more like, oh bugger it, get me a new one. But sometimes we'll get to a point where we go, oosh, here we go, I need a bit the help with this one. But that curious mind. Yes. You need to give yourself credit because that curious mind came. Mm-hmm. from the time that you spent with our beautiful children. Yeah. You I got better the more outnumbered I got. I mean, I've said this multiple times, but the greatest gift was having four kids because, you know, even once QK3 came along and I'm like, holy crap, there's only 18 months between these newborn and, you know, number two. And then QK4 came along and I'm like, You guys are going to have to fend for yourself. I am just completely, you know, sidetracked with this kid now. So it forced surrender. I don't know that. Hello and welcome, Quantifolks, to another episode the Fark The Shoulds podcast vlog cast with moi, And the course it's Jodi from QuantiMama and It's good to be with you. And and bless McGill, he has just finished a day the work. He is looking exhausted and like the only place he wants to be is in between the sheets and nothing else going on. Maybe some dream action. That'd Yeah. Yeah. So stay stay with me. More so, McGill, not you beautiful folks listening out there, but just McGill, if we can get him through the next half an hour the staying awake, it'll be an achievement. So What am I in for today? The other side the that coin is that Jodi's also given up her normal, regular You have. You sort the, there was no way I was not showing up. I could be I would have packed my pin, my pins to be able to stick you in the side It's perfect because obviously you're at home and you're having this conversation. Today or tonight, Literally probably being stuck at home with Well, this, I mean, this is why I'm interested in this conversation about being in the compound was that, and I was reflecting on this yesterday with another beloved friend about when you're a type A personality or someone who just wants to go out there and do stuff and whether that's be creative, be productive, but be out in the world doing more than just keeping the home fires stoked. It's a big thing to then be home with the kids. And, you know, many people I think probably with children our ages would have got right back into the workforce because their kids would be at school. We have society that supports them in actually being back at work so they, you know, the kids are at school, they're back at work and so part the that type A personality gets sated because they're back being productive. But when you homeschool and when you're a bit crunchy and you, you know, do things like birth naturally or home birth and eat your placenta or whatever other wacky things apparently associated with all that stuff but are actually quite wonderful, You actually prioritize being at home. And when you're a type A personality, there's a discordance with that that comes up every so theten. Sometimes it's like this quiet voice the just feeling a little bit like your needs aren't getting met. I hear that a lot these days about needs getting met. all the way to having like essentially a psych episode where you're just feeling like you're losing your marbles because you just don't want to be in that environment. Yep. And the clients are always there. Yeah. The whinging hungry clients that, you know, incessantly argue with each other and constantly eat food that you had plans for and, oh, pick stuff up and put it down somewhere else and never bloody pick it up Well, I'm going to leave it up to our lovely listener to work out. Just making sure I wasn't in for, you know, making sure you pressed record to start with, to ensure that it wasn't just a, let's skip. We'll call it an intervention. That's a pretty big topic that you sort the brought up, escaping the compound. But then when you step in, and I was privy to a little bit the that conversation you had, the Type A personalities. It doesn't necessarily have to be a Type A personality. I mean, there is so much societal influence and expectation the having a career, whether you're male, female, that sort the stuff, having your children, then continuing your career. And if you've done something, you've been successful and you've been enjoying it and you've had that freedom the earning your own money, spending it at will, going about and doing your thing. And then all the a sudden you are faced with that whole thing the going, I've now got to be at home. And all the that to some point has to either be put on hold or And that's not just people... Or you drive yourself into Yes. And that's not just people who send their... Sorry, that also accounts for people who send their kids to school. Because even... And we've done this when our kids have been at school and one the us has worked full-time and the others work part-time. Trying to run a household when you're split going three different ways is Yeah. Well, that's where they get the rat race from, right? And it feels like a rat race. I mean, you actually do feel like you're in some vast experiment. That is, how much shit will people put up with? Which is actually self-directed and self-architected a lot the the time, this idea that you've got to keep working for your big screen TV and your next Bali holiday. It's not necessarily the richness the life, and I don't want to be prescriptive to people about what the richness the life is, but I strongly suspect the top five would be free. You know, they're out in nature and their quality time with your loved ones doing, you know, beautiful, engaging things like reading books together or playing games, which is our, you know, new favourite pastime in our household. It's not even, you know, watching a movie together. That's kind the this sort the side by side companionship. But when you play games with your kids and your partner, even. Games, baby. I'm just waking him up with a few little... I'm going to put a few little dangly carrots in there just to keep McGill awake for this sesh. But it is, it's that thing the you actually can probably drink in a lot more goodness in life without the material things. And we become aware the that in our 40s, don't we? I mean, that's sort the, you look Well, as I said, I mean, let's be honest, how many people are in their deathbed going, With my partner and my family, I'm sure there's probably some that might want to say that, but... Not many. I don't think many the them would. I think most the them would be going, looking back on their life going, yeah, I just wish I had had more time with them. That's right. Because at the end the the day, they're the legacy that we leave behind. Yes. And... That's nice. You're going to be looking at that going, have I... Yeah. Have I left some beautiful people here that are balanced and happy and going to find their own direction, their own joy in life? Or are they waiting Yeah. Well, I'm sure there are those families, but I'm sure they are few and far between. Most people are moderates and good the heart because it's the human spirit that, you know, dwells within and usually prospers certainly as we become aware the our own mortality. We've seen lots the that. I think one the the things I really was interested in talking about and certainly sharing with our beautiful Quantifolk was Because I have a strong sense that this may be certainly not the causal route, but a factor in the middle class discomfort that's out there, right? So we have all our needs really met from a point the view the shelter and food and clothing. And, you know, for the most part, we know we're going to be able to afford next week's meal and we don't think we're going to be evicted. So it's actually a pretty nice existence, but there's still this, you know, upset and dissonance with the way we live. Where does that come from? I'm really interested in where that comes from and I have a sneaking suspicion based on our experience that for some people where you have very motivated individuals that enter a partnership like you and I did. We were both working in emergency services. We were, you know, just regular superheroes or so our ego thought. And we were having a great time and we were in our late 20s and we were basically bulletprothe and we were out doing good stuff and we had this validation all the time and and then you know one thing led to another and one the us assumed the other's surname and then we went down the route the children and suddenly I found myself at home and just none the the daily stimulation that ambulance had provided me, and the socialising and the feeling the not being in a groundhog day, like I ticked off stuff. Sometimes it was really cool stuff, like saving people's lives. Sometimes it was applying a Band-Aid, but suffice to say that it still felt like an achievement. And the next thing I know, I am just at home going, WTF? I'm not meant to be here. And I remember having this conversation with you, cause I could see that it just made no sense to you because you're looking at me and I'm looking all maternal and you're looking at Quantikid 1 and he's a beautiful little baby. And you're like, that's very cool. I've got my little, you know, family here and look what I did with this one little swimmer. You know, it's a pretty good effort, right? It's a, it's a, it's a good return on the investment. Yep. And then, you're looking at that and I'm trying to say to you, I'm you, however, with a vagina and boobs. So I get stuck at home. And I remember saying that to you. I'm like, I want to go out there and do the interesting shit, but I've got boobs. So I have to be home feeding this kid and doing the nighttime feeds and doing all the washing. And so it was suddenly this job I never signed up for. And I'm curious, I mean, we're now approaching almost 18 years the parenting, right? Which is pretty wild. Yeah. So do you think that landed for you? Do you reckon you got that? Or did that not land for you until you Yeah, it probably never did. I mean, you titled So at that point in time, everything you knew and everything you did and everything you'd been going along with suddenly stopped. to a degree, because all the a sudden you had something that was solely dependent upon you. And societal expectations, yes, you've got the boobs. You're home because you're the one that's providing that nurture that I can't at that point in time. There's other ways around that, but we had made the choice that we were going to nourish our children from ourselves as best we could. Probably really didn't land for me. And there were so many times where it was easy for me, because I'm just going, yep, no worries, I've got to go to work. And I'm out the door and going, and you're still sitting there going, but that's right, I can do that. I'm more than capable. And 1,000% you are. But all the a sudden, you've got to readjust everything that's going on. And then even when you actually get the opportunity to go back to work in your case, you weren't going back full time anyway. So you were never really getting back to that life or that existence, for want the a better thing, or that apparition the you. Ever, because you always had that going on in the background. Not only, even if you're working part-time, you still had the responsibility the the child. Because all the a sudden, and with the role that I had with work, it was a pretty important role and it required a lot the extra time at short notice. Any time that I, it wasn't me taking the time off, it was always you taking the time off. And to be honest, it probably never really hit home until we had that little role swap, that period the time. And then I suddenly had that thing the having to slam the brakes on my, what I was doing and how I was operating and how I was doing it and start to think beyond Well, I just wonder if as a society, as in the middle class part the us, whether we don't support and even prepare parents in, not in a whistleblowing kind the, you know, truth teller way, but in a way the sort the saying, Something will shift. When you have your kids, you will realize, whether it's consciously or subconsciously, that you now have a 24-7 job. 24-7, 365, right? Because those charges that you bring into the world never leave your consciousness. They might sit in your subconscious if you manage to sort the detangle yourself enough, but at some point you'll think about it. And something really interesting happened today. I have complete trust in our kids, even our nine-year-old, although that sways every so theten when he drops the F-bomb. But the 13-year-old who's like a 17-year-old, just incredibly capable, just made this side comment when I was speaking to her. She was at home and I was out running errands and she just said, oh, I almost I almost found out what it was like to stab myself in the stomach today. I'm like. What? And you can imagine, obviously, having a background in a Emerge, you just think about all the jobs where people put knives into things that weren't meant to have knives in them and what the knock-on effect was. And just even in this conversation, just thinking about that incredibly deep response that I had. I mean, I didn't, you know, throw her under the bus. I literally just said, OK, tell me what happened and what would you do differently next time? Thinking about Joe Dispenza and how he pre-replays stuff in a way that changes the neurological memory the whatever happened, right? So, very important to not reaffirm the trauma that happened, but to create a new neural pathway and disconnect the emotion from that, right? Get the wisdom out the it. So, we did that, but I just was really amazed at how strong my response was because while I was talking to her, I was running a parallel thought flow the, Okay, how long did she say the knife was? Where'd she say it went to almost go into her stomach? Okay, good to know. Let me think about what's under there. And I'm not very good with organs in the body. Then I'm like, okay, what happens? And then imagine walking in and, you know, there's a pool the blood because the ambos have already been to pick her up and take her to hospital. But you come home at some point and there's a pool the blood on the ground and Oh, that will have soaked into the floorboards and gone in the cracks. And do you ever get rid the the smell the old blood? And that's literally where my mind Well, but it all happened in like rapid fire. And that was also layered along with the idea the, oh, I really don't want her putting a new hole in her stomach as well and still not hitting any organs. So it was just really interesting. As you were saying that, I was thinking, We, like, that's where the 24-7 thing comes in, is that you care passionately about a job that you Yeah, and look, to be fair, to throw the counterbalance to that, it affects me exactly the same way. There is constant thought the the children. The difference is the detail isn't there for me. You know, your constant thought the running our family, which you do so admirably, but your constant thought is not only their health and well-being and their welfare, it's their commitments, it's getting them from point A to point B, it's meeting their educational needs, meeting their emotional needs, every need the four the them, whereas I'm at work and I'm not so much worried about their emotional needs at that point in time, I'm more concerned about their welfare, but I'm relaxed because they're in your care. Yeah. So it's very easy for me not to take on that layer. Yeah. And we're lucky enough that all our kids are well balanced at this point in their lives. And so they're not bringing in extra curveballs into the equation the Yeah, that's right. So now that you've had that insight to being at So maybe we should explain that a little bit better. Yeah, OK. Why don't you do that? Yeah. So I was working full time and happily, very, very happily working full time. And the other alpha personality, or A-type personality, Jodi had an opportunity to work full time, but we'd made an agreement from the start that one the us would always be there for our children. And that was an easy agreement for me to have while you were home looking after the children full stop. Yeah. It's like being, you know, called Well, but I signed up for the fine print. Yes. So as a result the that, I moved my role to a part time role. to allow Jodi to work full time. And it's interesting because we, I just got this warp factor lesson the just how intense it is to be the parent at home and how undervalued it is. And I even went into it after years and years the having conversations with you and saying, look, Just do what you can. Yeah. Don't do anything extra. If all you do is make it out the bed today and have a shower, then that's a win. And saying those things to you and going, yep, just got to keep you focused and moving and fighting a good fight, doing things with kids. And then all the a sudden, I'm in that position, I've I went down like a lead balloon. But it's very hard to argue back against something when you already have passed on that knowledge and that answer and that support. In the past, you've got to, for want the a better description, you've got to man up, or you've got to front up, and you've got to go, you know what, this is my responsibility now, and I made a commitment, and now it's my turn to step up to that commitment. And it was a hell the a learning curve. I'll be the first to admit I'm glad it was only 18 months. It had a lot the really positive effects, but it gave me such an amazing insight into the whole parenting caper. And not just that, but also society's expectations and the lack the understanding there is the people out there who have families, but have a partner that does everything else, and they just turn up, do their thing, and yep, I'll take them to sport on the weekend, and yep, I'll be home so I can drop them off and do this, or I can pick up the extra stuff at the supermarket on the way through, and all that person sometimes needs is you to be home so that they can just go to the supermarket and walk around aimlessly for five minutes before they then go back to being And it's interesting because I think that's a cycle expectation that's then put on you to be the parent, be home. And look, it's been gender roles. And I don't mind that. I mean, I think there's a natural nurturing quality that comes out in women that's meant to be. I mean, that's supported hormonally. Men have it too, but women who sit in the divine feminine can access it Yeah, but it also allows you to look at that A-type personality the wanting to be off doing stuff, and then suddenly, well, you're not, but you're not valuing what you're actually doing. You're not valuing that you have created a life, and you're now guiding that little life into its first few years the existence, into its formative years into what's going to have an impact and an effect on that life forever. Yes. So when you're laying on your deathbed and those children are there, and possibly their grandchildren, your grandchildren or their children, you're looking up and you're going, do you see good kids? It's my life's work. Do you see good humans? I'm leaving this world with Well, I think for us, we don't see the glory until it's probably almost gone. Or we don't acknowledge it. And society doesn't want us to acknowledge that. They don't want us to go, hang on a minute, I'm best at home with these children. I'm going to force myself from what you expect me to do. And I'm going to just lavish my life on these kids. And all these things have been put in place. You talk about the holidays and this and that and doing all these sorts the things. Well, they need to be funded. That's right. And as much as I happily worked very, very hard, my role wasn't paying me half a million dollars a year to be able to go and do all that sort the stuff. Yes. And the same with the vice versa on the flip side. When you were working, when you were working, it was amazing. You were working so But it's all industry, right? It depends on where you work and how you're renumerated and Yeah. I mean, I feel like we've sthetened over time or recalibrated is probably how I'd call it. What I'm particularly interested in And it might be that you wouldn't have taken this advice anyway, but what would you have said to younger McGill before you got that, you know, experience? Or what would be your top three things for, you know, new parents? Because I think that's very poorly supported in society, particularly in our, you know, privileged white communities where we essentially silo everyone. There might be a little bit the, you know, helping each other out with a meal here, there or wherever, but mostly families are left to fend for themselves. What would you say? What would penetrate through the absolute gaslighting that's going on that you need to get back to work and hand your children over to institutions I don't like small questions. I'm interested. No, you don't. Can we What I might do before we end, give me a bit the time to process all You already know the answer, though, darling. It's somewhere within that beautiful, wise body the yours, that consciousness. Somewhere. Let's see if I can find it while the podcast is still going. What I would say to the younger McGill back then is read the signs. So, so many men and so many people and women and that sort the stuff, they see their partner when they get home from work and their partner is hanging out for contact with an adult. Hanging out for contact for time away from the child. Hanging out for Adult conversation, I think, is probably the word that a lot the people would use. You know, you've been goo-goo-ga-ga-ing all day. You've been entertaining. You've been feeding. You've been cooking. You've been entertaining again. You've been settling tears. You've been, what the hell is wrong with this child now? Da-da-da-da-da-da. And suddenly you get to a point and your partner comes home. And I know I was guilty the this. I'd come home and I'd be exhausted. And I'd have nothing. I would think I had nothing. There's always something there. Maybe that's probably the first bit the advice. When you think you've got nothing left, bullshit. There's so much more there. You just need to strap Yeah, look elsewhere for that resource. Because in fact, I would say the same thing to women in labor. Whenever you think you're spent, you're not. You've got another pocket the energy somewhere. Just go find it. I guess more and more these days, well, no, that's unfair. Some people find that, be it through, for me it was probably through pure physical training, you realise how much the body is actually capable the beyond the point where everyone says it should break. You know, that was evident with my last sort the retraining when everyone's like going, you're how old? You can't do, what are you doing? I'm like, yeah, I can do all that, no worries. The capacity is there. What limits us is the will and the mindset. Yeah, the perception. And it's a very hard thing, very hard thing for me if I had gone back to 32-year-old me and said, you've got to change your perception and change your mindset. And I think if people are awake to the fact that, oh, you're home, I just need to talk to an adult, is cry for. I've been farking stuck here all day. I've done bang my head against the wall. I can do A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J today. I've even done farking A. I am over this. What the hell? And if I had have been able to walk in, and I did a lot the good things in that time, and I know that, and I supported you very well, but if I had have been able to walk in at the end the those days and just go, hey, where are you at? What do you need? without actually having to ask you any the that. Because then that shame cycle comes into going, well, I haven't done this, I haven't done that. And then you end up beating yourself up. So that's probably not three things, but that's probably what I'm- It's a big one. That's probably what I'd be saying to people. It's your capacity is far greater than you give yourself credit for. So use it. Your connection and ability to read your partner is something where you need to have that conversation where you walk in the door. And you did this one with number two in particular. I'd come in and you'd be laying in bed and you'd feel guilty about the fact that you were laying down. And we used to say, I'm growing eyelids. And you were. And that's one I passed on to a friend recently who's freshly pregnant. And I said, how are you going? She said, I'm so tired. I said, that's OK. You're growing eyelids. And it just breaks down that barrier because she had a good giggle. And I said to her, I said, well, next time, your partner. Next time he's looking at you funny, or if you're feeling tired and you're feeling self-conscious about it, just say, hey, I'm the one growing eyelids over here. That's right. And that change in perception at that point in time, that change in mindset, all the a sudden goes from been home all day, and you're laying around on the couch, and I've been at work all day, and what are you doing, to, oh, that's right, you're doing the most important, amazing thing that can possibly be done in this world. You are creating, you are nourishing the life that we have created and started, and you are bringing that to fruition. You know what? Give me five minutes, because I'm going to give you a goddamn foot rub, and I'll make dinner. That's the sort the, That's the sort the stuff I would have loved to have been able to bring to the table back then, but I didn't know any I think you did in your own way. I mean, I reflect on that and it's funny how my memory is largely crap, but there are moments in time that stand out. And one the the things that I always remember is, and I think like we only had one, And I was in tears. Maybe he was six months old and I was like, I just can't get an effing break. I just can't. I can't win. I can't get stuff done. I just feel like an absolute failure. And you touched on it before, but you basically said if your only requirement is to make sure that both the you are fed and you are showered if you want to be showered. And that was it. And you reduce that down to just that level. And when I, I felt so raw in that, in that time that I took it completely. Usually the ego would go, oh yeah, McGill's just placating me. But I actually took it and I went, okay, that's going to be my aim is to basically just hit those two requirements. And then I felt like I was winning. But something that is even more interesting that feeds into it, and it's probably an entirely different podcast conversation, is this need for permission that we have everywhere. Like everywhere, we need permission for stuff. We need permission to feel like we're allowed to lie down, even though we're growing a human being. We need permission to say it's okay that this is overwhelming and this is a massive change and there's a complete dissonance because none the it reflects my former life where I did stuff. We need permission to, you know, be tired at the end the our day but still have to come home and show up for our new family as well. Why is there so much the that permission involved in our society? Why do we put that upon ourselves? Why That is probably another podcast. Okay. We can call it the But to a point, I mean, that's what we should be saying at that point in time. Be careful saying should. Fair enough. Yeah. But at that point in time, saying fark off to the way society is at this exact juncture is what you need to do. Yeah. But we are so conditioned to Well, I mean, there are shoulds, right? All the it's a should. You need a clean house. I mean, having a clean house with small children is the the stupidest and least congruent thing Unless it brings you peace to have a clean house and clean up after Yeah, I get that, but I suspect there's a level the repression there because it's a control thing, right? don't naturally stay neat and tidy. There might be a very few handful that have those qualities, but by and large, children are kinesthetic, empirical, experiential learners. They just want to go out and touch stuff and lick stuff and, you know, unpack it and definitely not repack it. But, you know, they're into just pulling everything apart. I mean, we just had this experience yesterday. And I'll have to share it with the beautiful community because I took some video because I couldn't believe what was happening. But QK3 went from sewing something to completely pulling apart my sewing machine, like literally unscrewing it and separating it, unplugging the motherboard, like the whole thing. I couldn't believe it. And I was like, that is kids just encapsulated in one small moment. He needed permission. So again, the permission thing's still coming through, um, which in some ways is not a bad thing because it is my sewing machine, but yeah, it was, was, that's right. But, but the thing was that I just watched how his brain was ticking over and I'm like, firstly, yay for homeschooling, sure kid, pull that thing apart. But secondly, he just has had a thirst for pulling it all apart and seeing how the different things were working and trying something and then You know, and I had to encourage him to keep screws in the right place because they were definitely going to end up on the floor and in the cracks and gone forever. But it just reminds me that kids, that's how they learn. They don't learn by putting things back together generally. They have to And just to... you know, stick out for QK3, he did nothing that broke the machine in any way, shape or form. He actually managed to get it sort the going back again. And then he pretty much isolated what the problem was. He diagnosed it and realised that he couldn't fix it and managed to put everything back together the way it was supposed to. Because you went today to the sewing machine sales and you opened it up and said, oh, this is the problem here and here. And Gus is like nodding his head. He did. He was all over it. Yep. Thought so. Yeah. It's interesting, isn't it? And when you think about you and I with a lot the the stuff we've done, I mean, we've built houses, we theten pull stuff apart to try and And sometimes- You more so than me. I'm more like, oh, bugger it, get But sometimes we'll get to a point where we go, oh, sugar, I need a bit the help with this one. But that curious mind Yes. But you need to give yourself credit because that curious mind came from the time that you spent with our beautiful children at the start. You I got better the more outnumbered I got. I mean, I've said this multiple times, but the greatest gift was having four kids because, you know, even once QK3 came along and I'm like, holy crap, there's only 18 months between these newborn and, you know, number two. And then QK4 came along and I'm like, you guys are going to have to fend for yourself. I am just completely, you know, sidetracked with this kid now. So it forced surrender. I don't know that society will ever reach that point with parents with less children, if they will reach that point the proper surrender, because they'll need permission beforehand. Were we using a community to raise, a village to raise a child? Of course. So why do we feel so strongly that that doesn't need, that that should not be the way? And I mean should not on this one, because it's a fark the should. Yes. Because society is conditioned to thrive on heroes and hero status. You must overcome stuff. You must battle your way through, you know? You must provide. But this idea the kind the surviving birth, surviving parenting, surviving the terrible twos, I mean, what the fark, man? What two-year-old is terrible? They're divine children that have massive emotions that then we don't hold space for. In fact, it's the poor kids that have to survive the parents who are trying to control emotions in the most unnatural way. When you let a child express its emotion, and I wish I did more the this when the kids were younger. I worked it out finally. They have this refractory period that gets shorter and shorter and shorter and shorter, and it's extraordinary. Like it's absolutely extraordinary in terms the what happens when a child gets to go loose on their emotions. My belief is that Most illnesses come from stress. Well, that's not my belief. That's like scientifically sound. But my belief is that those stress illnesses, whether they're cancer, whether they're autoimmune, whatever they might be, right? Neurological, psychological. are to do with trapped emotions, are to do with the fact that we don't know how to hold space for emotions. We don't know how to feel it and free it. And the fact that we continue to raise children in a way that tells them their emotions are not valid when they bloody are, Like, kids get wronged all the time. Parents talk over them. They overrule them. They very rarely let them really speak freely. It's a little bit unusual in our house that we've got a kid that calls me an effing B on a regular basis. But does he really, really think I'm an effing B in comparison to say, if you were seriously angry with me, would you call me an effing B? No, you wouldn't. But if you were ever angry enough and you called me an effing B, right? Would Yeah. So what I'm saying is it's not that what he does... is acceptable, it's that he doesn't know the potency the what he's actually saying. He just knows it's an effective showstopper. This is why I don't get offended. It's like when, oh, my beautiful boss in my other real job that pays me good money, English is not her first language, so she drops the C-bomb all the time. Now, in civilized Australian culture, the C-bomb is like the bomb in terms the But I apply the same logic as what I do for QK4 when he's swearing at me, which is that This beautiful, fiery woman knows the word is potent, but actually doesn't know how potently offensive it is because English is her second language. She just knows it's a showstopper to say it, and it feels good, right, when she's saying it because it allows her to really sum up whatever it is she's trying to express. So, do I get offended when she says it? Not in the same way. If someone called me a cactus, then in anger, then I would be offended, no doubt, right? I would probably choose to be offended. But when I hear her say it, I don't get offended because I'm like, there's no meaning behind it in that sense. It's not meant with a viciousness. And it's the same thing with QK4. When he's dropping the F-bomb at me, I'm like, okay. He's trying for the showstoppers. He wants my attention. It's time to change tact. Sometimes my Oh, McGill just shakes his head because he's just like, can you not do that? And I'm like, listen, I've been doing the strong emotional Having said that, bring it back into sort the gone off the compound. No, did we? Doesn't sound like us at all. Tonight is probably a perfect example when he started to lose his temper. And I was, funnily enough, doing what I was talking about before, about having that, yes, I've got capacity to help this, because those words do fire me up straight away. And just went over, and he had a biscuit, and I put a biscuit next to him on the couch. He didn't want to talk to me, but he looked at me and said, oh, do you want me to leave that there? and gave me a nod. And then by the time he'd come out, I think he ended up with a blood nose near as well, which is probably part the his moving without energy and out the motion. And he came back out and he, I actually, he was at that point where he was going to go one way or the other. And I just said to him, mate, I've had a really long day at work. I've really missed you. Can we reset this? And he didn't answer me at that point in time, took off and he, said a few things and he came back and he reset. And then the wonderful QK3 came back in from outside and gave him both barrels. And I just said to number four, I said, don't react mate. Do you want to get back in there with me? And that change in language and interaction, stuff like that, it gave him that refractory period, allowed him to move past it. And it's probably something that he's starting to get better and better Well, because he gets to be judicious about his reactions and And it is empowering. It is a good thing not to goad him at that I can't help it. I mean, no, I can help it, but I choose to do it because it's fun. I mean, I literally read this in this book that was recommended to me called Thick Face, Black Heart, which is a fascinating read. Highly recommend it. And it was basically talking about this idea that you don't have to accept everyone's shit all the time. Like, it's okay to sometimes turn the other cheek, and then sometimes it's completely fine to slap them back twice, I think was essentially the suggestion. Not just a single slap, it's like two to say, I'm really calculated about the fact that I'm not putting up with your ridiculousness. And what I see after reading that is essentially that being demonstrated in his choices, which is actually really powerful because he then starts knowing his voice. He starts knowing that he can trust his voice and he can speak up when he needs to. And then he can choose to, you know, be like water and let it go on other occasions, which And it's, well, I guess that's part the trying to raise rounded children with, you know, a lot the strings to their bows that can deal with any And maybe just model good behavior for their mother so she can try and emulate Maybe. And I'll be looking into the possibilities. I may So The Compound, thank you, McGill. Did very well to have a conversation. I'm still on it. Well, you've still got energy, see? I am capable. I know, you've got that little pocket the energy there, which is beautiful. Yeah. Quantifolks, just another magical conversation, but it always is with this guy because