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How to P.A.R.E.N.T | Jackie Santillan | MomCave Live

• Jennifer Weedon MomCave/ Jackie Santillan

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Get ready to explore the exciting world of mnemonic-powered parenting with our special guest, Jackie Santillan, the creative mind behind 'How to Parent.' We'll uncover the ingenious acronym 'Parent,' which stands for 'Possibly Actually Remember Everything Next Time.' This unique approach not only adds a delightful twist to gentle parenting but equips you with practical tools to tackle those unforgettable family moments. Join us for an engaging journey into the world of mnemonics in parenting!

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Transcript:
Jen
Well, welcome to MomCave LIVE where we may have lost our minds, but we haven't lost our sense of humor. I'm Jen from MomCave. And our guest tonight, I'm super excited to talk to you because I follow her. I watch all her videos, they're super helpful, yet she's also funny and not condescending. And she's gonna tell us how she's gonna tell us about a book that she just put out called, how to parent, but it's not that kind of book. It's not like how to parent I'm telling you what to do. Its parent, its capital P dot a dot, it's the initials parent, which is an acronym. So I'm going to introduce Jackie, tell us why your book's title is an acronym.

Jackie Santillan
Well, hi, first of all, thanks for having me this and what a lovely introduction. Thank you so much. Well, okay, so I wrote this book, because I am, I didn't invent parenting. Obviously, I'm not the first parent. I didn't invent gentle parenting. But I've always been a big fan of mnemonics and acronyms to help me remember how to do things. And so I started doing that on my social media, and people really responded. And it's helped them to remember some of the strategies. I think, when you're in the middle of a tantrum or meltdown, or like big emotions of any kind. It's really hard to remember what you've learned either. However you learned it, you know? So it's helpful to have an acronym that you can be like, oh, yeah, I remember when my kids and my kids having a meltdown. And this is what I should do. And so it's a book called How to parent which stands for possibly actually remember everything next time. And every chapter is an acronym or a mnemonic to help you remember what to do in those big situations.

Jen
I love that you call it the stop drop and roll of parenting. We all remember to stop drop and roll, right? Yeah, I would definitely misfire prevention.

Jackie Santillan 
I believe it I would expect anything less. Anyway. Wait, you like you taught it?



Read More here: https://www.momcavetv.com/how-to-parent-jackie-santillan-momcave-live

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Well, welcome to MomCave LIVE where we may have lost our minds, but we haven't lost our sense of humor. I'm Jen from MomCave. And our guest tonight, I'm super excited to talk to you because I follow her. I watch all her videos, they're super helpful, yet she's also funny and not condescending. And she's gonna tell us how she's gonna tell us about a book that she just put out called, how to parent, but it's not that kind of book. It's not like how to parent I'm telling you what to do. Its parent, its capital P dot a dot, it's the initials parent, which is an acronym. So I'm going to introduce Jackie, tell us why your book's title is an acronym.

Jackie Santillian:

Well, hi, first of all, thanks for having me this and what a lovely introduction. Thank you so much. Well, okay, so I wrote this book, because I am, I didn't invent parenting. Obviously, I'm not the first parent. I didn't invent gentle parenting. But I've always been a big fan of mnemonics and acronyms to help me remember how to do things. And so I started doing that on my social media, and people really responded. And it's helped them to remember some of the strategies. I think, when you're in the middle of a tantrum or meltdown, or like big emotions of any kind. It's really hard to remember what you've learned either. However you learned it, you know? So it's helpful to have an acronym that you can be like, oh, yeah, I remember when my kids and my kids having a meltdown. And this is what I should do. And so it's a book called How to parent which stands for possibly actually remember everything next time. And every chapter is an acronym or a mnemonic to help you remember what to do in those big situations.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

I love that you call it the stop drop and roll of parenting. We all remember to stop drop and roll, right? Yeah, I would definitely misfire prevention.

Jackie Santillian:

I believe it I would expect anything less. Anyway. Wait, you like you taught it?

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Yes. That was that was part of the duties. You you each fire station had a misfire prevention. And you went around and taught little children how to stop drop and roll and firestation.

Jackie Santillian:

Did you have a sash?

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

I totally had a sash.

Unknown:

I love it. And I wish that that was the job that I could apply for right now.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

I know, I would like to be queen of the world. But I'm not. I'm a parent. So I feel like the opposite sometimes. Jackie. Okay. Before you became a parent, did you have any expertise in parenting? Or did you learn all or are you a teacher? Or do you have psychologist?

Jackie Santillian:

Yeah, well, okay. I'm not a psychologist. But I was a teacher for 11 years.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

That explains a lot of it? Yes.

Jackie Santillian:

It is the reason that I know anything that I know, I, if I would have become a parent before becoming a teacher, my poor child, oh my gosh. And that's another reason why I started doing all of this, because I feel like it's so unfair, that teachers are not unfair, because teachers deserve the training that they get. But teachers get so much help in the form of trainings. And parents just don't get that they don't. And they're just like, you have a baby. They're like, here, you can do it take it, you're an animal, you know. And everybody just does what their parents showed them. And so your parents weren't experts, nobody's parents were experts. So being a teacher was really helpful. I was a horrible teacher my first few years I screamed at my poor students, poor babies, and but they still remember me, they like send me messages on Instagram all the time, like the trauma wore off, I guess. But I was horrible. And then I had to go get some training, because otherwise I would have probably gotten fired. And I fell in love with learning how to connect with kids to, like, encourage good behavior without having to be like these who have a classroom full of fear, and to set an expectation, so they know what to do ahead of time. So it's like much more likely that they're going to do it. And so I just devoured all of that training. And then I went got my Master's in Counseling. So not a psychologist, but I do. I do have some extra training.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

You have some expertise there for sure.

Jackie Santillian:

A little bit. I mean, my brother would not agree with you. My brother would just say, oh my gosh, you're just my sister. But

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

sibling rivalry. They know more than we do. Yeah. So if anybody has a specific parenting question you want to learn an acronym for or something, just pop it in the comments because we're watching the comments.

Jackie Santillian:

You probably watching better than I am, but yes.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

You know, my brain is always here, there and everywhere. You mentioned that most people learn how to parent from their parents, right. But what happens when God love your parents. They weren't the kind of parent you want to be. And I struggled with that, because there was a lot of spanking my house. And so I always said, I will never spank my kids. I have not fully always lived up to that. But I try the whole like concept of gentle parenting. How do you work through like, what you were taught and learn a whole new way of being?

Jackie Santillian:

It is so hard. And I think one of the first things that you have to do is realize that you have to kind of repair it yourself through the process. Once you make the decision, it does take like time to learn what to do. And it takes time to learn what your triggers are. And once you learn your triggers, then you have to learn how to calm yourself down from those triggers. Because the first step in like dealing with any big emotion with your kid is making sure that you're calm. So not only you can help them, you are also modeling like, I can be calm in your big emotions, not too big for me. And I can be calm and help you through it. And so I have a whole chapter about emotional regulation strategies, because so many people are like, how do think I'm going to be able to teach my kids how to calm down, I can't even calm down.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

I'm having meltdowns and tantrums.

Jackie Santillian:

Same, honestly, same. And I had a big talk with my son this evening about it. Because one of my big like, activators my big triggers is that I when I'm running late, which happens a lot because ADHD and I have time blindness, when I'm running late, I get extra stress. So other things are on top of that make me like really stressed out. So I was just telling him, You know, I have this thing, and it makes me stressed out and I need to take a deep breath. And for some people, just hearing the phrase, take a deep breath is also triggering, because they're like, that doesn't help. And you're probably right, it probably doesn't right away and telling your kid to take a deep breath probably doesn't help them. But I mean, scientifically, if you do take some deep breaths, it will help but there are lots of other things you can do. If that is not the go to for you. I really like reducing any sort of stimuli. Like if I can close my eyes, if you can wear like earplugs that kind of take some of the sound out. Or if you can't do that if you can just go into a darker room for a second. That helps me running cold water on your wrist helps me repeating a mantra something like he's not giving me a hard time he's having a hard time. Something. Yeah, that can just take you out of that anger before you respond. So that's the first step. And then something's happening. Something's happening out there. I'm a real mom with real child who's

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

I know, real children at any moment. And

Jackie Santillian:

I don't know if I answered the question. I hope that I did.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Yeah, you totally do. So what is your favorite acronym of all time for parent?

Jackie Santillian:

My favorite. And probably one that I'm most well known for is the bratt method. Which I love. Although I had I known that I was going to be the acronym person, I probably would have not made it brat because I don't want people to feel like I'm calling their kids brats.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Okay, so easy to remember. And when you're frustrated, and you're thinking what a Bratt, then you can remember the mnemonic,

Jackie Santillian:

exactly, and I tried to make the mnemonic not just like a word, I tried to make it relate to the situation. So like, when your kids having a meltdown, the acronym is space, because they need space, they don't need you in the face of that time. So like, the bratt method stands for breathe, which is what I just said, calm yourself down. It doesn't have to be breathe, but calm down. Are is recognize and that is recognizing out loud what they're doing with their body. So you just threw that block across the room, your eyebrows are scrunched, your shoulders are up, you seem really mad. That's a is acknowledging the feeling so you recognize what's going on with the body and then you acknowledge what they're feeling or at least guess. And if you're wrong, they'll tell you that I'm frustrated, you know, whatever they tell you and then T is tame. So hopefully ahead of time you've had a chance to work on some calm down strategies. I'm working right now on a calm down corner digital guide because people are always asking me how to set that up and get that practice started with your kids. You got it but if you can just kind of like gesture at it like remember your calm down go down over there. Now it's not timeout. It's a place that they would like to go. Calm down. Yeah, or I just with my son he really responds well to like if I just hand him one of his stuffies he doesn't have a stuffy that's like his thing. But if if he's stressing out I can hand him one and he kind of uses it to wash his wash his boogers and just you know, that's the thing. And then the last T, it's a double T Bratt, like Benjamin. And it stands for Teach. And I added that one later. But that is something that you also add later. It's not something you do in the moment when everybody's calm. You take a moment, you're like, hey, next time you're mad, because your tower fell down. Call me, I hope Yeah, or, you know, walk away for a minute, and then come back and rebuild it. So it's just telling them what to do next time.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Yeah, that's been super important in our family. It's like the debrief later, has always been a good thing. Like, what could you have done differently? What could I have done differently? I'm also a big believer in apologizing to my kids, like, Okay, mommy was really stressed out. And I did not mean to raise my voice. I'm sorry. But when that was happening, it makes me stressed out. So let's talk about that. And yeah, like in the debrief, sometimes we have to apologize.

Jackie Santillian:

That is so powerful, and so amazing that you're doing that. That's one of the best things you can do to teach your kids how to apologize, first of all, is like, Oh, my mom apologizes when she does something wrong, right? And then to like taking that accountability makes the conversation so much easier. Like if you start a conversation with your kid after a big meltdown like that, but like, I'm sorry, I raised my voice, it disarms them. Like, they're probably like worried that you're going to come in and shout at them. But if you apologize, first thing, they're like, oh, okay, I'm not in trouble. This is okay, where we go in there ready to like, listen a little bit more. So that's a great, great thing that

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

we're in different stages of parenting you, you have a little preschool child, right?

Jackie Santillian:

He just started kindergarten this year.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

And my oldest is just turned 13. And I always say like, it's, you know, if you can't figure something out, and parenting is just No, it's a stage and that stage will pass and then you'll be the next stage and not know what to do. So I'm in the next stage of not knowing what to do have the teenager years now, I know you haven't personally gone through them yet. But do you have any acronyms that you think would be fitting? To help me because I really need some help?

Jackie Santillian:

You know, I don't know if I have anything that's specifically written for teenagers other than but that does give me somewhere to go in the future. Maybe a part two. And part two. Yeah, I do have one for teaching kids how to apologize if you Oh, that it's that one. And let me just remember what the things are. Because now I can't remember it. I get on the spot, I get a little bit nervous. And I can't remember.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

So much harder to remember things on the spot.

Jackie Santillian:

Okay, so I have oops, and then I have how which is setting expectations. I think that's helpful for everybody before you go into a new situation like, this is what I'm expecting out of you. Just think and know what to do. Right? Here, it's right here on page 67. So the first "O" is own up to it. Don't try to pin the blame on the other person. The other O, is the other person's feelings, recognize them. P is make a plan for the future. And S is sorry, say that.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

It's so important. Because I mean, I'm sure you've met adults who just don't know how to say I'm sorry. Or the idea of it, like so disarms them. So like, tears at the core of their self esteem that they can't say they're sorry. And that affects their entire lives, like your job, your your relationships, everything.

Jackie Santillian:

It's bananas. And I think in that chapter I reference because I'm a big Bronco fan. I reference the Real Housewives because none of them can apologize. It's all like, I'm sorry that you felt that way. Yeah. Or I'm sorry, but that you got upset. Sorry, you got upset? Yeah. And it's like, no, you have to own it. I'm sorry, I hurt you. I'm sorry, I broke your toy. You are probably scared when I get angry like that. In the future. I will take a deep breath before I talk to you. I'm very sorry. And that's, that's oops.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

That's right. You just went through the steps like that. Yeah. There is something else you have going on a new podcast. I know nothing about it other than "Hiding in Cars", which I assume means from your children. But what is it?

Jackie Santillian:

Yes, exactly. Well, okay, so I started it for few reasons. One is to was because I wanted to have a designated time where I'm catching up with a friend. Because I'm really bad at especially when I'm going through bad things like isolating myself and not talking to people. And so if I have it on the calendar, it's like, you can't just hide you got to go talk to a friend. Yeah. So my friend Evelyn and I are doing this. It's like a third podcast we've started together. But also, so the hiding cars part is we just, we pretend like we're with you in your car while you're hiding from your kids or like sitting in Starbucks. Some like scrolling on your phone. It's very just like you can tune in to now there's nothing too deep on the main feed of the podcast. We're just chatting. And then we have a bonus episode, which is where we will answer parenting questions, because the other reason was, a lot of people ask me questions on Tik Tok and on Instagram and on Facebook, and I can't get to all of them to make videos. And sometimes I just don't have time to make a video. But I want to address some of those questions. So it was a way to like, address it in a broader way and give people another way to reach us. So

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

that's a great idea. Yeah, thanks. Um, one of my favorite videos of yours is the one about setting expectations. And sorry, no worries. She has a frog in my throat. No, I think I have a frog in my house.

Jackie Santillian:

I'm not kidding says with frogs. We'll talk about frogs.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Yeah, we can do a whole thing on frogs. But there is a tiny little frog that was wedged between two parts of the sliding glass door a few hours ago. And and we're like, oh, we have to find a way to get it out and get it out. Somebody close the door. So now it's like in the inside part, and it's I don't know where it is. So I after this, I'm gonna go upstairs and frog hunt.

Jackie Santillian:

Yeah. Are your kids frog lovers? Are they? They're pretty.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

They're pretty cool as animals. My daughter loves every kind of animal, including snakes with me was like, what? Yeah, firstly, just fine.

Jackie Santillian:

Except for you've gotta like, you gotta know your snakes. If you want to be a snake lover, right?

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

You don't want to love on the wrong snake. All right, it's kinda like men. No, no, so man's gonna be mad at me for calling them snakes. But, um, okay. And then another thing you've got going on? Very funny. I hear you. You've invented a away. For us to continue to be the slacker moms we are and get some some love and relaxation while parenting.

Jackie Santillian:

My sister in law actually sent me a video of and I think you've experienced this of like a dad laying on the couch with a shirt with roads all over the back of it. And a kid is driving the car. She was like, you could totally make sure it's like this, I have a shirt shop already. She's like, you can make shirts like this. So people could stay part of the parenting game when they're like sick or tired or whatever, when you want to participate. But you also don't have the energy to get up off the couch. And so I have, I'm going to show you love them. This is a scavenger hunt t shirt. So it's the the name is Xhsted is short for exhausted. And then so you put this on and then its on your tummy. And then you can you can like do four corners or bingo or whatever, you know, straight line blackout. And it's like something shiny, something that smells good. Something's off, leave to go find stuff. There's what? When we'd like a blank face that they have to make face and hair and stuff out of our clothes from items that are in the house.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Oh my gosh.

Jackie Santillian:

And the last one is a Halloween one. My son and I played this yesterday, actually. It's like a guest who so you pick one? And then you're like, Is it alive? Does it have eyeballs? Can it walk and then try to get them to guess. So those are all on Etsy.

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

Feel that those are totally fun. So tell everyone where they can find you and the podcasts and the shirts, all the stuff and all the acronyms.

Jackie Santillian:

I said I had ADHD, I wasn't lying, I cannot stick to one thing. Like there's stuff everywhere. I'm at kind minds underscore smart hearts. And in my link tree, you can find all of that other stuff. My book is on Amazon, if you search

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

on the comments, Link Thank you book should be in the comments if I did this, right.

Jackie Santillian:

But it's if you search how to possibly actually it'll come up if you search for how to parent like a million books. I did not think

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

that through a million books that don't really help and at the same

Jackie Santillian:

I promise it's not judgy I promise it's really easy to read. I made it like double spaced pages so that it's like you feel like you've read 100 chapters. It's

Jennifer Weedon Palazzo:

it's an awesome, accomplished. Look, if anybody here watches your videos, they know you're not judging. You're awesome and down to earth so thanks for chatting with me. Thanks for watching everybody and I'm gonna go frog hunt.

Jackie Santillian:

Yes, good luck. I wish you good luck on that. Thank you. Thank you