Know Dumb Questions
Know Dumb Questions
KNOW DUMB QUESTIONS: Where Are They Now? FT David Vincent Sr. and Jr from Iyanla Fix My Life
Ever faced the humbling reality of parenting struggles, even when you're successful in other aspects of life? You're not alone. In a raw, heart-to-heart conversation, we reconvene with David Vincent Sr and David Vincent Jr to further explore their transformative father-son journey. We delve into their trials and tribulations, providing a thought-provoking perspective on the challenges of parenting and the joy of overcoming them.
Having witnessed the powerful transformation of David Jr, from being jobless post-graduation to serving in the Army, we dive into the topic of parental intervention. David Sr's strategic moves and involvement in his son's life led to an inspiring turnaround, demonstrating the positive impact of fatherly guidance. We discuss the influence of community and brotherhood and the role they play in personal growth and development.
Wrapping up the discussion, we share invaluable advice from both David Sr and Jr about parenting. We touch upon the significance of allowing children to learn from their mistakes and the challenge of striking an appropriate balance as a parent. Tune in to this special edition of 'No Dumb Questions' to reflect on your parenting journey and gain insights on nurturing successful paths for your children. Join us as we dissect the power of parental intervention and the ripple effects it can have on the road to success.
We are live, what's happening, beautiful people I am very excited about tonight. Tonight is a conversation continued. I'm an educator, an author, but my biggest job is to be the father to these two young men behind me that's Walker, my youngest and that's Mason, my oldest and I understand that. No matter how successful we are in our lives, we are judged by our children. We are seen as successful or unsuccessful based upon the paths that our children choose. Yet there are many people who most of us would consider to be successful, who struggle with their children, who are challenged by their children, and these, you or I would believe, would prepare them to be effective parents. We're talking about educators and attorneys, doctors, some pastors and imams, successful business women and men, each of them doing what it is that they thought was necessary to make their children successful. They have coached, team-mommed, boosted their way through their children's upbringing. They saved money for the children even before they knew they were having children. They bought books for their children's library in their home, they were participants in their children's education. They are, by all intents, good parents. Yet, and still, these folks who we admire as professionals, as friends, as partners, still can struggle to be effective parents, meaning the challenge exists for all of us that we try to figure out how to get our children to make what we know to be the right decisions. And I have seen firsthand parents who many of you know many of you know because they're famous, in some cases famous, for helping other people with their kids. I've seen them struggle with their own children and grandchildren. I know community volunteers and activists who are well known to world over or just in their community. They're the go-to person when you want help with your children and still they struggle with their own. Being a parent is humbling, not just to you but to me. Being a parent is humbling. If ever you want to know if a person is a good parent, ask them, and if they say that they are, chances are they are not. The telltale side of someone who is a good parent is they don't think that they are. They doubt themselves often. So I have been called on many an occasion to participate in the parenting of children, both in my job as an educator or in some of the things I get to do on television, and a very good friend of mine, sister Yala Van Zandt, has asked me on a number of occasions to participate, especially when it had to do with fathers and sons in the work that she was doing on Yala's Fix, my Life On Own, always honored when I got the call, always looking forward to being part of a conversation, but always coming with a humble heart Because after I work with you guys, I got to come home and work with my own. So tonight I am very excited because we get to follow up on a conversation that began almost three years ago when I met a father and son in Atlanta, david Vincent Sr and David Vincent Jr to help them through the challenges of being a father and a son. Join us tonight as we meet them and hear their story. Here's where they are and learn together how we might be better parents ourselves. So, without further ado, I'd like to go to a video from the piece that we did on a Yala's Fix my Life Work towards correction.
Speaker 1:I can't have you making yourself in a worse situation by beating yourself up. What else could you do but beat yourself up? I mean you're on worse creed. You can see there's an opportunity To correct some of those wrongness. It is what it is right I'm sharing with you about your son, about David, because what I want you to understand is all is not lost. I don't want you to think that that's what we are. We're a lot closer than you think to getting what it is that you want it, but we can't get there if you impact your own capacity by beating yourself up. The world's going to do that for you.
Speaker 1:So I can't have you doing that. I need your 100% focus. It would disavain your father. I mean y'all going to mess around and kill that dude if you don't stop. Seriously, you just got to stop. I understand disagreements, but you got to stop. You know he needs your help. He's not the kind of man he's never going to get up in your grill like yo you need to be. That's not who he is. You just got to do it. You got to manage yourself. You know you got to clean your room. You got to get yourself together. You know you got to do those things. This is the problem right here.
Speaker 3:I got to worry about that. I'm always going to rip my dad home Somewhere. I was going to be Okay, we're going to be okay. You know what I'm saying. It ain't never going to change. I'm not saying. I'm saying I'm trying to be throwing out colors. No, I'm not. I just had a lot of partners who died behind that stuff. You know what I'm saying. Like, even though I'm not in that stuff it's. You know life's lives are still lost.
Speaker 1:You can rep brothers who somehow passed away. You can best rep them by making sure you're not going to be the next one, and when you're rolling in that lifestyle, it's an inevitability. The streets are undefeated, son. They don't lose. They don't lose. There's no 401k or retirement plan from the hood. It just isn't one. It just isn't. It may not seem like it, but a hundred years ago, when I was younger, you know, my friends were involved in things, and it doesn't mean that I didn't care about them, I just couldn't be where they were. Tell me why this is important.
Speaker 3:It's the cause of all this stuff. You know, I wouldn't even say gang. I'm doing my brothers man, but if I was going to be wrong, I ain't in no gang, I ain't got no set to throw up from suburb. You feel me, I completely feel you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, like I don't even understand why this is a conversation how you get to be a son of a preacher and a nurse and we having this conversation. This is crazy to me. You know what I'm? Saying Like, even though it ain't no colors and it's still a brotherhood that we got, Brotherhood is there's nothing wrong with a brotherhood, as long as the brotherhood is not committing crimes and making life uncomfortable for the rest of the community.
Speaker 3:You ain't got to worry about that. I'll take the G-A-N-G word and make it something better.
Speaker 1:What would you make it?
Speaker 3:Say like me, us living on her, say me and my homeboys, we took over half the street with these big houses.
Speaker 1:Okay, so you give me a word on that. So I am. I can't wait much longer. I would like to bring in our guests David Jr and David Sr. Look at that guy and look at that guy, dad, I want to start with you First of all. Thank you so much, brother, for really being who you are. What's it been like since Ionis fixed my life? I Know, can you hear me? Davis senior.
Speaker 2:David, david, senior okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah. So what's it? What have things been like? How's the relationship between between you and your son since fix my life?
Speaker 2:It's been progressive. It started to improve once we got back. I mean, things didn't just become Wonderful, you know. It's filled with some challenges that occurred. You know some things that happened in a curve but as progress and time went on, david made some better decision Decisions and it's been a lot better. I For it.
Speaker 2:But I really thank them for the progress of my son. They both are turning to a very intelligent man and responsible. They begin to do the things that they need to do to be able to stand on their own two feet, which is a blessing for me, you know, as well as themselves. So it's been wonderful, wonderful thing just watching them, you know, grow up. And to me, you know, I Thank God, like I say, for the changes and the challenges that we did go through, because I believe it's made them stronger and better and it's also helped me to understand what I had to do as a parent in order to get them on the right track. So I just thank God for everything. Man and I'm just proud of both my sons and, they know, especially proud of David and his service to our country, and they're going to prove themselves as well. So, yeah, it's been great.
Speaker 1:We gonna jump on that. I see that big army across your chest. Yeah, yeah, I see that big army across your chest, junior, it's a new gang. This is a new gang. He talked. I'm super proud of you, son. Can you talk about that? Like first talk about the the time from fix my life and then how you ended up where you are, which is a new lifestyle. I'm super proud of you, son, I really am the third.
Speaker 3:So I'm sorry, I'm sorry, yeah, the the fire long is going off and I'm trying to figure out what's going on here, but not so. You know, we, when we got back from the soul, I'm gonna be honest with you, I it didn't click just yet what I received doing it. So it didn't click just yet. Like you know, I I even got into, you know, some more trouble and I did finish up my school, may try, graduated, but still like I was still like you know just, it really didn't hit until I graduated without a job, living in my father house, without a car, and you know just like that's when they really hit me.
Speaker 3:Like I said, I still got into some stuff, oh, you know, got it for some he goes, but at the end of the day, like just being a graduate, you know, and Just just, basically just just mooch and just sitting on his couch, watch him work hard every day, what's gonna take care of me and my brother. You know it's just, it was just like nah, I can't do this. You know Like now I can't do this, like I was always getting on him about how my brother is like 23, 22, graduated for years now and haven't, he hasn't did anything and my dad just went like, well, you neither, like I, was in the same position. So after that moment I was like, okay, you know Something, something got to change. And what's funny is when I was at school, I saw a recruiter talking to one of my friends and I just went over there to see what he was talking about and next thing, you know, like for months and months and months, I stayed in contact with that recruiter and he got my weight down.
Speaker 3:He Helped me stop my bad habits and he just got me ready to, you know, and he just made sure that I was ready to actually go. So, you know, it was just time to make a change and you know the basically, what he offered me was You're gonna be living on your own, you're gonna be doing all thing. You get the suit, weapons and Okay, is it in here.
Speaker 1:Okay, no.
Speaker 2:I don't.
Speaker 1:Totally fine. We want you to be safe.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think he burnt the hot pocket or something. No, so, like I was saying, basically, he just Just kept me on my, keep me on track. And you know, I just knew like I had to do something. What he offered me was You're gonna be living on your own, you're gonna get paid, basically to Shoot guns and do fun stuff, ain't gonna be traveling what more kind of a Won't even say a while 18 year old. I was just say like a hyper 18 year old, with nothing to do and no money asked for, you know. So that's basically like what he said, like it is a lot that come with it. But he said, hey, I'm gonna get in shape too. So I was just like you know what this might be, the the um, the path that I'm gonna take in two years later I'm here now and you know, I'm just, I'm just just. Every every year I'm getting more and more progress, just reaching every goal that I never thought that I would be able to make.
Speaker 1:So so pop with that. When you hear your son talking about Going from being a wild 18 year old to a young man that he is today, what does that do to you and your spirit?
Speaker 2:In my spirit. First, I feel that give me joy, but secondly, it lets me understand and know that life is about phases and and people go Through transitions in life and you have to make it through the various transitions in order to get to a positive out. And whatever that transition may be, all we could do as parents is to help them through that process. David went through some changes in the process and he came to himself.
Speaker 2:Some people come to themselves early as far as making Productive and positive change and some people come through it later in life. So we, as parents, all we could do is support and encourage and let them know that we got they back, at same time, trying to guide these steps and help them to make the positive and productive decisions are like. But it's really on them and that's what I really like got out of it Is that, no matter how much we do, how much we give, how much we say, the choice is theirs and they have to make that choice. We could try to, you know, navigate and get them to go a certain direction, but it has to be on that individual, whether they're our own child or whether it's another child. They have to make the choice and that's what I learned from this is that, no matter how bad I wanted it, it had to be their choice, and I'm talking about releasing that because of the fact that, as he made this decision.
Speaker 2:Because of the fact that, as he may destroy, Well, talk about releasing that.
Speaker 1:Because you talk about releasing that? Because I didn't hear the last, like I'm a pop, I said talk about releasing that. I'm a father too and I, like you, want my sons to do what it is that I know they need to do in order for them to live right. But you said that you had to pull back. What? What do you mean by that?
Speaker 2:I was trying not to allow them to make those choices by making those choices for them and that was causing me anxiety and stress and put me in a bad place. But I, like you just said, I said back and begin to allow them to go ahead and make those stupid mistakes or hit, make those choices. And you know it, through my hands up, it is. It's on you, young man, that you know you have to suffer the consequences for your actions, whether it's good or bad. You know, and me, like you said, they began to make good choices because they saw me step back. They saw me not be as over protective as I was and putting all of it into them. I left them on account. So David Jr was not this daddy that he left me, you know.
Speaker 1:So, david Jr, what was it that clicked? You said you were sitting on the couch looking at your brother and and you talked about seeing your father work hard. But talk us through what changed. Was it a moment? Was it a conversation? Did somebody say what happened?
Speaker 3:That was the conversation. It was when I told him, you know, because we have certain situations where he was like taking care of us so much to the point where, like he had to take care of something for Lawrence, and when it's time for me to like need help with something, I was like, hey, I ain't, I ain't gotta already have the help. And I'm like dad, like he's 22, don't, ain't doing nothing with his life, like, and my dad just looked at me and said you need him. And from that from like from that point on, I was just like all right, you know. Like I just wasn't doing that, like I didn't really have nothing to do, like I was out of school, I didn't have a job, no car either. You know, most of my friends dead jail college, whatever, you know. So at this point I'm just like all right, I'm just on my butt every day.
Speaker 3:And from that moment, from him just telling me that, it was like all right, you know. So I said I just kept hitting the recruiter up like look, that's, that's a good deal. Like I'm down, I want to work with you, I want to get out of here, and it ain't that I wanted to get away from my brother and my dad or whatever. It's just that I wanted to. I just wanted to just get out because the city that we live in the area is just everything that goes on. It's depressing, it kind of. You know it's depressing and you know it's not really much motivation around there.
Speaker 3:Well, it is motivation, how depressing it is, but at the same time it's not really much that you can see. It was like all right, this, I want to do that, I want to do this. It's just, it's mainly just depressing. So I just had to get out and, you know, I knew it was. It was just so much more for me. So, yeah, it was that moment, right there, it was that moment.
Speaker 1:David Jr. Talk to us. Like I want you to talk to David Jr, I want you to talk to that young dude that I met, the one with the Braids, the one who was, you know, repping his not his set. But you know, some is there like who was just making bad decisions. Like let's just, let's just call it what it is. I want you to talk us through how to talk to him. What could we have said differently?
Speaker 3:So the way I would talk to him is not that you know, I've been through that the way, the way I would say to him just saying like what he was doing and everything. What I would say to him is you know, you know, don't, just don't give up on yourself. You know, yeah, you, you out here making bad decisions, but you still got a conscious on you.
Speaker 3:You always, and nobody can doubt that. Because even though you know you are her doing this man another, you still got your mind right and you still know what's wrong and what's right. So just don't give up on yourself and when those opportunities open up, take, take D.
Speaker 2:D.
Speaker 3:D, d D.
Speaker 1:D, d, d, d, d, d D D.
Speaker 2:D, d, d, d, d D, to assess and examine myself to see what could I be doing better to help them make better choices. It was a roller coaster ride up and down. As I reflect back on it, the main thing that kind of got me is almost like what you're saying here. I am an educator. I've always encouraged, enlightened and educated other people children. What is it about my own children that I can't get through to them? And what I discovered and found again, as I said earlier, it was the fact that people, regardless to who they are, have to only make their own decisions, you know, and their own choices. No matter how we as parents attempt to try to do it, no matter how we attempt to try to, no matter how we attempt to try to do it, children have to make their own choices and decisions in life and all we could do is pray and hope for the best and try to guide them as much as we possibly can Somebody asked did we seek mental health?
Speaker 3:Did I seek mental health counseling or you? No, I didn't.
Speaker 2:Maybe that I do. Do you feel that you needed that type of assistance?
Speaker 3:No Cause that was like the show was kind of, you know, the biggest type of mental health counseling there was. So you know, it ain't that, it ain't that I needed counseling, cause I already always knew. It's just that it was just on me to, you know, make my own decisions, like once, once I got tired of you know, when all that stuff gets old, just everything that I was doing. It just gets old after a while and you just want to switch it up, and not even just so much switch it up. Just people know like there's much more, much more out there and it wasn't even. I wouldn't even say I had mental health problems, I wouldn't even mental health problems. See, I got an anger issue but I don't got mental health problems and I'm like that. I just, you know, it was just my decision making.
Speaker 2:That was it. Well, I don't know if the audience knew that a lot of, and I don't know if the audience knew that a lot of the challenges that we occurred, that occurred with us, is because of the loss of your mother, right, yeah, because of the loss of my wife, joanne, and I don't know if Dr Perry had brought that out. One of the questions that the audience had was there's one reason why we had some challenges, and that's Hold on a sec it's saying what advice can either of you give parents that are going through the process of guiding young adults?
Speaker 2:Well, the advice I can give as a parent the advice I can give as a parent is again to love your children, to try to keep them involved in as many positive and productive activities as possible and to try to share with them wisdom, knowledge and advice to help them make the choice and the good decisions. Also, don't be afraid to say no. I think that was one of my issues, that I was afraid to say no to my child or to them, simply because of what we were and the loss of the wife. You know, it was just easier for me to say yeah, get on our mom's face, as opposed to saying no, you ain't going nowhere, no, you can't do this, or no, you can't do that. It was easier for me to say yeah, so I can get rid of y'all. So to me, that that's one of the advices I could share with parents no, don't be afraid to say no, yeah and up.
Speaker 2:But that was part of my grieving at the time, that I just wanted them to, when they was bothering me or being annoying, to get out of my face. So I would always, you know, when they asked me something that I knew may be questionable, I would just say go on and go. You know, just get out my face when I knew I possibly should have inquired more about what it was going on or not, what they was doing, and maybe even said no to what they was doing or where they was going. But it was just a more of a matter of you know, just get away from me, leave me alone, because I was tired of whatever the case may be. So that's, that's a. That's one of the ways, you know, I kind of dealt with it, and then my vice-president is just, you know, don't be afraid to say no sometimes.
Speaker 1:Well, I think it's a great idea to try answering questions, because clearly you've done a better job at this than I have. So I think I could turn to some questions over to you. David, you about to answer a question for me. I have my internet, just like your. Your file arm was going off, my internet was acting full, and now it's got the nerve to come back on on my computer. Now my computer is actually working now.
Speaker 2:So I'm on the phone at all right. But go ahead, david y'all answering questions.
Speaker 1:Forgive me again, the internet gremlins were not on our side.
Speaker 3:So, on top of what you were saying, the advice that I can give parents from your children's perspective well, from somebody who's been through it just don't give up on them. Also, like you know, for me, me being so, you know my parents being so, all right, we're going to church Wednesday, thursday, sunday. You gonna make sure you did that. Another stay in the house, this now and another. All it did when it made me grow up was wanted to get away. I just wanted to, you know, break from those rules all the time. So I'm not saying don't give you know your children rules, cause I can't tell nobody how to raise their children, but at the same time, if you put so much on them and wear helmets, that's what we do it. If you put so much on somebody or like locked them up, all we're going to think about is just getting away, whether it's getting away from rules, getting away from our parents, getting away from whatever is going on, Even if life is great, we just don't. I don't know how to explain it, but, like I said, like for me it was church, church, church, school, school, school. Staying in the house, just staying in the house there, tv off at this time, no games, like just as a child, like it's 10 and under. So like when I got about 15, 16, 17, I'm like, oh okay, like I'm a little older now, like I'm just trying to, I'm just trying to get out of that.
Speaker 3:So I'm not saying don't, I'm not saying don't give them no rules or anything or don't, I'm just saying like just kind of don't even ease up, but like kind of ease up, but just never give up on them, always make sure that they're safe. And sometimes you just have to let the kids experience it on their own, just like just find out on their own. Cause my dad would tell me things all the time, but until I actually went out and saw it happen, I went through it myself. I never really understood what he was talking about, or I wasn't trying to hear what he was talking about until it happened. Cause like, for example, I was speeding one time and my dad always just and I'm not saying, let them find out the hard way, and then like that. But like one time I was speeding and my dad will always be like slow down, slow down, slow down, slow down, slow down. So one time I was just, I was some friends and I'm speeding down the highway.
Speaker 3:speeding down the highway, I ended up going under an 18 wheeler and, like getting dragged full of it and like I spent that and you know, and after that day, like I ain't never drove fast, ever again. Like you know, it's just, it's just different. It's a different kind of like letting somebody know when they actually, when it actually happens to them.
Speaker 1:It's David. You said a couple of times, and I really appreciate it don't give up on them. How would you know father gave up on you versus not giving up on you?
Speaker 3:Just not Cameron, or supporting at all, just like, all right, all right, dad, I'm finna go, I'm finna go hurt, whatever, whatever, like blocking the door at night, or just even like some situations to where, like he just don't care, you know, don't even ask you about the grades, don't even ask like have you filled out these job applications? Don't even ask what you wanna do, just don't care, like at all, just don't care. But you know, one, two off the house pretty soon, like, just totally, like I'm talking about. Just like, just totally give up on them. You know, always, always, like you decided to have that child. So it's your job to always support them, even when they're ordered. Like just support at all times, even if you know, if you know it's a bad decision to support them, get out of that bad decision. But if you know it's a good decision, support them through that good decision the whole way through. Don't let them get a few steps into that good decision Like, all right, you got it on your own.
Speaker 3:No, because till this day I still, like pretty, I've been living on my own for two years now. I still ask my dad small questions like that. Can I put this piece of laundry in with this, like I still ask them stuff like that. So just never give up on them at all, but keep them safe Also. Keep them safe Also. I'm not saying like let them find out. I've said keep them safe as in oh, let them go and find out on their own. And you know, no, let them know like all right, you definitely not going hurt, but let me just, you know, show you what's gonna happen. Let me just give you an example. And, like I said, I don't know how to parent, I don't have any kids, but at the same time, this is what my dad basically did for me towards the end. It was like some places his is like no, you know, sometimes his is like no, not at all, but sometimes he will let me go out on my own and I come home and look at him like never again, dad, you know.
Speaker 1:So, david Jr, I want to ask you a question First of all. Again, I know folks who are just joining us. You may recognize David Sr and David Jr from a Yonlas Fix my Life. We shot an episode of a Yonlas Fix my Life on own approximately two and a half, almost three years ago, and during that time, david Sr came to Sister Yonla and asked for help with his two sons. We haven't talked about your other son and I want to in a moment, but so those who were seeing them, you may recognize them and you may recognize a leaner, less mean David Jr, cause he is now serving our country, which we are so proud of. Son, I just can't even tell you that, dad, I'm gonna take a little bit of your shine. I'm just so proud of your son. Man, you know, smile big, smile real big. But, david Jr, I have a question.
Speaker 1:What did your dad do? Right, cause you were in the middle of I mean, you were in the middle of a crisis, like, let's call it what it is. You were in the middle of a crisis and things could have gone really, really, really bad. You mentioned that you live in a community where there are a lot of things that ain't right. And you know people who are dead. You know people who died long before they were supposed to Long 30, 40, 50, 60, 70 years before they were supposed to, 80 years, some case before they were supposed to. But you made it out Now in the military serving our country. What did your dad do, right?
Speaker 3:Well, when my dad did right, he didn't do it towards the end, he made sure he did it in the beginning. So, like I said, with the whole church, school and everything like that, basically what I found out being an older now is they made sure that I had a good mental on me. They made sure I just always knew like all right, that ain't right, like nah, I ain't nah. Nope, you know, like sometimes I'm like nah, nah, and that's what you know. My father and my mom, and even after my mom passed my father, he made sure that I had that. He just made sure that I had that. He made sure that I knew at the high school, if I'm just sitting on my butt making no money and just not doing nothing with my life, then that ain't what I should be doing. That's not. You know, I should be out there.
Speaker 3:Actually, you know, and he didn't even give it to me in a oh, you gotta go in. No, he told me, told it to me how it is. Oh, you want this girl, you want that girl. They not gonna mess with you if you broke. You want this car. You not want that car. You ain't gonna get it if you broke. You want to know this stuff and you want to know this stuff.
Speaker 3:You ain't gonna get it if you don't get no education. So he basically, like he just always made sure that I had a good mental on me. That's what he did, right.
Speaker 1:That's dope. That's dope. Dad, I didn't ask you about your other son, but how is he doing?
Speaker 2:Well, let me take it back on what David was saying and I'll share with you how long it's going. The two things that came to mind as David was talking is the things I think I did. Right was a foundation and an example. I gave him a foundation to stand on and I gave him an example of what a real man's supposed to do, which is just get up every morning, go on to work and make him money and doing things that's positive and productive. So those are the things I really believe I imparted into David. To help David make good choices and good decisions. I gave him a foundation up education and spiritual religion, you know, but he'll make the choice for himself. But also I gave him example of what a real man should be doing, which is get up everyone to make a living for himself, take care of his family, and I think he's held that in me which helped motivate him to want to, you know, not necessarily duplicate, but do it for himself.
Speaker 2:And as far as my oldest son, he's doing well. He's working at Amazon. He's doing well. He's still got some some growing to do, but as far as being challenging and causing me issues, you know, that's pretty much the thing of the past. So he's doing well. Let's say he's working at Amazon. He's still living with trying to get in my mind, but he's doing well. He's making his own money and he's out of pockets. That's at least a good thing. You know he's out of my pocket making his own money. What are you doing at that?
Speaker 1:moment. I am super proud of you, gentlemen. So that's what I was just going to say. Well, I'm super proud of you, gentlemen. You are truly an inspiration. I'll say this you know I see the challenges of parenting young men. It ain't easy at all.
Speaker 2:Right and David Jr.
Speaker 1:No, no, it's not. And, david Jr, when the time comes and you and your partner take the time to come together and raise a family together, you'll remember these times. And one of the hardest parts about being a father is trying to convince your child that you have a sense of what they're dealing with and that you know how the story ends. And they didn't invent being a young man, they just experiencing it for the first time. So I am glad that you know we always want to give props to Sister Yanla, for bringing us together.
Speaker 1:And because it is she who made this happen, she I'll prosper. Be to her on that one, and then I'll praise the God on the fact that things are going the way that they're going. David Jr, I want you to close us out If you were to decide to whatever. I'm not sure what your job in the Army is going to be, but I see a future in which you could work with young people. I see that you have a knack for it, a real knack for it. I guess your testimony makes you an asset to the work. If you were to work with young people and there's a David out there, a young man who's bucking his father, pushing back on the system, so to speak, what would you say to him?
Speaker 3:Well, I would say to him you know, put yourself in his shoes. Say like you know, do you really know how hard it is? It's harder for you to say no and say I ain't gonna do this than to say I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna work hard because it's the right thing to do. It's easier to say I ain't gonna do it, Like I'm not doing that. It's easier to do that to actually work hard.
Speaker 3:And you walking around like you tough, don't make you a man, don't at all. So you know, I just tell him, like I came from running from the police and seeing a disappointment on my father's face and telling my father that I only want my mom and, like you know, telling him stuff like that and just being broke and just coming from a real bad place to two years in the army at 20 years old, jumping out of planes and helping my, being able to help my father out. It's just changed it up. You ain't even gotta go to the army. But at the same time it's much more. It's much more to do and always, always, always, take those opportunities. Make sure you shut up.
Speaker 1:What was that David senior? What was that David senior? What was that Did you say? I didn't hear what you said.
Speaker 2:Dr Perry. I also wanna make sure we recognize the fact that he is getting a promotion. I said I want to recognize that David is getting a promotion. I don't know exactly what day he's been promoted. Shut up with him, Dave.
Speaker 3:So two years in the Army. You hit specialists. You hit specialists from October 21st to now. I don't went through three, four ranks. I don't went through four ranks in the Army. I will come as specialist tomorrow and, yeah, I promote tomorrow.
Speaker 1:So for my 52 years I have 15 jumps and yeah, so you do my jumping out of airplanes 15 times. I'm a pro at triple Wow. That is so dope man. Yes, sir, that is so fantastic. Son, I can't tell you how proud I am of you and how much hope you give all of us.
Speaker 3:That doesn't hurt.
Speaker 1:It ain't fun man totally with bad knees, but it's definitely fun, though I'm so proud of you, man, I can't tell you how much it means to me. You've spoken to my spirit, both of you, gentlemen. You continue to give us hope and share your story, please, as many times as your mouth will carry it. I saw somebody ask where did the anger come from? Another says David Junior, did you have to change your friend group? If so, how do you make the change and what advice would you give others wanting to make some of the change? So let's first go to where the anger come from. I know folks have got these questions and go ahead.
Speaker 3:The anger came from it. It really came from the anger. Like I knew people loved me but I felt like at the moment I felt like I lost the only one Because, as said in the show, my dad tended more to my brother and I was a mama's boy. So losing her, I was mad at the world for losing her. I was mad at everybody, mad at everything and everybody, because I don't have my mom. So I did things to show my anger and I disrespected people because of my anger. And that's basically where it came from and I always had a temper when I was young. But that happened to me. It took it to a max. It took it to another level, to where I was just angry at everybody. And it wasn't everybody fault, it wasn't nobody fault, it's just the way life goes.
Speaker 1:So wise and so young. And then, David, another question came in and asked did you have to change your friend group to make some of the different changes, and what advice would you give to others wanting to make a similar change in their friend group?
Speaker 3:So I know a lot of people thinking that I probably cut my friends off and I had to leave them behind. So no, not at all. I decided that I was going to be the one to show them, to show them that there's more. I was going to be the one to show them, like, look man, look what I got, look what I'm doing, come with me. Like, come on, come up here. I want to fly you out. I want you to hang out with me. I'm going to take care of you while you're out here.
Speaker 3:I'm going to show you what life could be like. I'm going to show you I want to be that leader instead of that follower that I was, because, like you said in the show, the streets is a million to zero. So I just want to show them. And the only changes I had really had to make was me telling them like no, I ain't going to her. I got to meet him with this recruiter, or I can't kick it tonight. I got to work out because I'm trying to go her. So just showing them that it's possible, that's just the big change and showing them that it's more to it than just doing what we was doing.
Speaker 1:So Gentlemen, I could talk to you all for days. I mean, I really am so proud of the work that you put in and the impact that you're making. I am, and I'm also David's senior dad. I'm also happy for you because you poured so much into the community and we hear about the preacher's kids often and your children are making you proud and I deeply appreciate, david Jr, what you're saying. Go ahead, david senior. Go ahead. You want to say something.
Speaker 2:No, I was just a grandwit. I was a grandwit how they give that label on the preacher's kid and everything. But again, if you put it in God's hands, as a minister, you got to understand I'm leaning in the pen and in trusting in God. And I put it in God's hand and I was led by the, his Holy Spirit as to the choices and the decisions that I was making towards my sons, especially during those challenging times. That's when I prayed the hardest. So again, it was just nothing but God that helped me through it.
Speaker 2:The boy's made the choices themselves to become productive and positive, as you were just saying. I see the potential and David, almost what was passed down from my father to me is being passed down to him, and that's the urgency and the sense of wanting to give back, to want to make a change, to want to make a difference in somebody's life, not to turn their back on them, but to help them in a system. And that's what David just got through. Sharing is that he didn't turn his back on his friend, but he began to display positive and productive behavior in their presence, to let them know hey, if I can do it, you can do it too, and that's why I'm most proud of him. It wasn't that he just turned his back on people. He let them know that.
Speaker 1:Go ahead. Well, I'll say this as we close David Jr did what David Sr did. David Jr didn't give up on his friends, like David Sr didn't give up on his son, and, as a result, david Sr was able to show David Jr how great he can become, and now David Jr is paying it forward among the brothers who he is growing up with. So I want to thank you both for being two beautiful young men. I really sincerely mean that and thank you for being an inspiration from one father to another to see just how it can get rough sometimes, but if you stay with it and, as to David Jr points, you don't give up on your child, great things are happening. So thank you both for joining me on no Dumb Questions. I'm super excited that we had this opportunity and I look forward to having you again. David Jr, where are you stationed?
Speaker 3:Fort Liberty, North Carolina.
Speaker 1:My man, my man, stay safe. Son, you too Can't wait to see you. Y'all take it easy.
Speaker 2:Okay.
Speaker 1:Hey, thank you so much for joining us for no Dumb Questions. Tonight was a special treat because you got to experience the outcomes of what happens when you put the work in. David Jr and David Sr came to us on Eonless Fixed my Life almost three years ago. They were dealing with a myriad of issues, many of them, if you have sons and daughters who are in their 20s and late teens you probably are familiar with, and our challenge was to help them to uncover what it was that they had as a family, the strength that they had as a family to make it through the tough spot. So we saw the success. This was truly a success story and it still is. It's a success story that continues to grow.
Speaker 1:So this was a special edition of no Dumb Questions. Hopefully you enjoyed it. If you enjoyed this format, please let us know. Share this video with your friends, because I think that there's something powerful about it, especially those who are parenting right now. But if this is the format that works best for you, let us know, because we're trying to find the best way to bring you no Dumb Questions. I had a lot of fun with this one, except for the fact that my internet didn't want us to win, but we'll see you next week on no Dumb Questions, where we continue to reach deep into our community and uncover what it is that makes us beautiful. Yeah, take it easy.