Resonance Episode: Rosedale (Steve's song and the lessons learned)

In this episode of the Resonance Podcast, Randy, Steve, and Mike delve into the song 'Rosedale' by Steve Azar, exploring its themes of struggle, temptation, and commitment. The conversation highlights the inspiration behind the song, the significance of relationships, and the importance of character in leadership. Through personal anecdotes and reflections, the hosts discuss how commitment shapes our actions and decisions, ultimately leading to a deeper understanding of oneself and one's relationships.

Takeaways

The song 'Rosedale' represents a journey of struggle and temptation.

Inspiration for songwriting can come from personal experiences and memories.

Commitment is essential in relationships and helps resist temptation.

Character is defined by exercising virtue and making conscious choices.

The longer you are in a committed relationship, the less temptation matters.

Understanding one's character strengths is crucial for personal growth.

Temptation is a matter of degrees and can be influenced by one's environment.

The importance of self-denial in maintaining commitment and integrity.

Relationships require nurturing and mutual commitment to thrive.

Music can encapsulate complex emotions and experiences, resonating with listeners. 

Chapters

00:00 Introduction to Rosedale and Its Significance

02:50 The Inspiration Behind Rosedale

06:11 Exploring Temptation and Commitment

09:00 The Role of Relationships in Temptation

11:50 Character and Leadership

14:56 The Science of Temptation

17:49 The Importance of Commitment

20:49 The Essence of Rosedale

23:42 The Nature of Relationships

26:33 Conclusion and Reflections

Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

This is Resonance, the podcast for leaders that unpacks the power of song, silence, and strategy.

SPEAKER_03 0:13

We believe the great leadership begins with deep listening, not just to others, but to the still small voice within.

SPEAKER_00 0:21

It's not just about being a successful leader, it's about being soulfully aligned as well.

SPEAKER_03 0:27

In a world moving fast, resonance invites you to pause and reconnect with purpose, people, and possibilities.

SPEAKER_01 0:33

We'll dive into some cool stories, celebrate with friends, and dig deep into the music too. Cause song has a way of saying what words cannot alone.

SPEAKER_03 0:44

So whether you're leading a business, a team, or just trying to lead your own life with more meaning, this is Resonance. Resonance, resonance.

SPEAKER_00 0:53

Welcome to the Resonance Podcast. My name's Randy Harrington. With me, Steve Azar, Mike, the monk guy Farrell, and we are talking about really diving into the deep world of music, possibilities, stillness, soulfulness, mojo. We're talking about it all, and we're going to talk about it directly today because we're going to be pulling out, we're reaching into the set to the bag, and we're going to pull out a song. Mike, you picked this song out. I couldn't have picked a better one. You grabbed the song Rose, Rosedale. And for those of you, maybe if you haven't heard Steve's music at all, go listen to Rosedale, and you will hear a guitar lick that is like all Azar all day long. You're going to hear his voice. It is like, to me, the definitive Azar song. It's got all these allegorical illusions in there. The song opens up 40 days and 40 nights or whatever it was. I mean, it's just you're right in you from the very get-go. This is a song about struggle, and it is absolutely fantastic. I'm going to shut up now. Speak to me, Azar. How did Rosedale come to be?

SPEAKER_01 2:01

We have our ashes still. We got our just started our 40 days and 40 nights. People are going to be sorry hearing about it. Yeah, that's right. We just started it. We've had a conversation about 40 days and 40 nights in Lent and the songs that have that. And here's one of mine. I guess it starts, it does start second line. I've been on the road for 40 days. First line, right? You know, I when I I've always seen town signs in Mississippi, sometimes more than others, as, well, that's romantic and that's says something to me. Or I have a memory attached to it, or it just sounds like a song title, right? So there's Coldwater, I did with Cedric Burnside. There's Rena Laura. There is uh there's uh Greenville, there's Indianola, there's many more. But my daughter was running track going to Clarksdale, and we decided to take Highway One there from Greenville. And when we were just passing through Rosedale, she said, Dad, when I have my first baby girl, I'm gonna name her Rosedale. And she goes, she looked at me and she goes, You've been writing songs about all these cities. You'd write Rosedale for me. So during that whole track meet, obviously Gwen goes, You can't ever say that it was inspired by your baby girl because I go in a different direction. You know, it's uh a totally another world. But when she said that, I saw Rosedale as what I wrote about. And uh there's something about that place that I have memories attached to it. And a lot of good ones, a lot of haunting ones, some bad got got I quit football because I got hit so hard in ninth grade or tenth grade, whatever, I think ninth grade. And I'd never been hit like that by a running back, and I was playing defensive back and never had trouble bringing somebody down at that point in my life, but he hit me so hard like it was a train. And I think that he passed me because I was the last hope. And then I think he came back and stepped on me a couple of times and then went to seed in school. It hurt so bad. But that was just a physical thing that happened. But Rosedale's always been sort of a beautiful just to look at the street sign, you know, when when in the town sign when you're coming into it, the city limit sign. So by the time I got home, uh, I said, I think I have it, Cecilia. You know, it's one of those things where I, while she was running track, a track's a long day, by the way, right? Yeah. I got home. I had it sort of visually figured out the next cover over the next day and a half, I had written. It wrote is one of those songs that sort of took over me and it took over the pen. And it really what I didn't realize what it was saying until it was over. And then I looked back at it and I went, which happens a lot with me. Uh a lot of songs, Indianola. I didn't know I was writing myself back home. I was writing myself about leaving, but at the same time, it's impossible to really leave forever and you're gonna come back. And that was in 2002 or three, and then eight, nine years later, I would move back. But everything in Indianola that happened ended up happening. It just was, I was sort of writing myself to the future.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

And so Rosedale, I think that looking back at it, it was the temptations. It was because they happened, you know, it was just so many things to me. I guess you'd have to you'd have to look at the lyric, but the bottom line was Savannah, I recall I had had my shore of alcohol.

SPEAKER_00 5:10

That that was that one rang with me having been in Savannah.

SPEAKER_01 5:14

Well, it's Savannah and and all these places uh, you know, that represent temptation.

SPEAKER_00 5:21

The river walk in uh in San Antonio. San Antonio, yeah, there you go.

SPEAKER_01 5:25

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Uh on the on the river walk, right? Yeah. Down in San Antonio under I called the boardwalk, you know, Karine Dahlia Joe. There you go. I saw Dahlia Joe too, but I dare not, I dare not take a sip, right? You dare not take a sip, my friend. I mean, so the bottom line is the love of my life always made it easy for me to avoid temptation. And so I just but Rosedale was so beautiful, just a name. And when I was singing, I was going, that's a beautiful, beautiful name. There was just a lot of things going on, but I think it was all of us in our lives are are tempted to do something that wouldn't be right within your own self and hurt somebody else in any avenue, whether it's your wife or it's your your business partner or it's a friend or it's all these things that can cause hurt and pain and ultimately break up relationships and and uh tarnish a lot of beautiful things that needed to shine the rest of your life. And so I think that if you unpack Rosedale, I mean, I think for me you'd have to really break it down before I could tell you what was going on, but really that song took over me. And in retrospect, I was able to understand it more after I read back whatever it was that came out of me.

SPEAKER_00 6:38

Before we go too much further, I I think Rosedale, Rena Laura, and Indianola are in my top five, and they all have this kind of poignant, mournful almost quality to them that I think everybody who's had a life has had those moments where you're you're looking at something that's just happened, it's the end of something, and you can feel the bitter sweetness of it. And uh, you know, you just to me, you just really captured my heart with those songs.

SPEAKER_01 7:08

Well, Rosedale and Raina Laura, obviously I turned them into a f uh, you know, to a female. Right. Uh town becomes that, and you know, in context with the song, uh, you know, a lot of things you can do that, you know, when you're writing. But they were the the names are so beautiful to me. Yes, exactly. I've seen them so long. You know, uh I had friends, I think my mom back in the t day uh used to talk about they'd go to Rena Laura, which was sort of at the at the point toward Memphis, which is like the furthest little point jet that jets out in the route than anywhere else, you know, heading north between Greenville and there. And they ch they acted like they were like in Florida somewhere. You know what I mean? Like it was like this ultimate getaway, you know. But Rena Laura has a lot of the same thing that that in my mind you looking back as well, but I've been in search of Rena Laura my whole life. You know, Rosedale's the one that you can't do wrong, you know, and and uh Indianola is actually a place that didn't take on a any other persona but the Indiana, but she was at the Indy of Indianola, you know. And the thing that you were doing. Right. So all of that is uh it rings true. And then then Cecilia, well, I know we were talking about Rosedale, but we were going to get her a dress for something in Jackson, and we passed the sign that said midnight and Louise. And Cecilia goes, she goes, Dad, what's midnight? And I said, Oh, that's a town. I know all about midnight because we used to cruise it, you know, head head that way. And she goes, Will you write me midnight? And I wrote that while she was she was trying dresses on. And when I got called, I played it for her, and she goes, you know, I said, Cecilia, there's a lot going on in my mind about midnight. You just had to make me aware to do it, you know. But midnight was not, I passed that sign a zillion times, never saw a song. Passed Rosedale's sign a million times, never saw a song. It took her to go, you know, say, Hey dad. And I went, oh, you know, so it's uh it's interesting. Cecilia's been a big, you know, I all of my kids have been a strach and Adrian have been a big part of me writing things that I would have never written uh if they didn't bring it up.

SPEAKER_00 9:11

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:13

So I always attach myself. I think of them when I'm playing the songs, you know. It's always uh as far away as most of a couple of them are, it's uh it's it makes me feel like they're right with me.

SPEAKER_00 9:22

Well, there's some uh there's some interesting neural complexity in Rena Laura here and uh excuse me, in Rosedale here that we can uh unplug just a little bit. So this is a song about temptation. And each each of the verses, we we meet uh uh a person who is uh that flirtatious moment that the each of these are just little wispy little moments of memory. You can sort of see them, this sort of something sort of flitting by, and you can feel the tension in the singer saying, you know, wow, you know, there wow, that was something, you know, she was something else. But at the same time, the singer is absolutely resolute that there is no chance in a million years that there will ever be any kind of straying because this this woman, this person in your life is so magical and wonderful.

SPEAKER_01 10:14

Well, Rosedale's the one you just can't do wrong.

SPEAKER_00 10:16

You just can't do wrong. Can't do it.

SPEAKER_03 10:18

You just can't do it. Well, go ahead, Brandon. Mike, go ahead. So I find this really interesting because you've been on the road for 40 days. Jesus went into the desert for 40 days. Jesus was tempted by all kinds of temptations from the devil. You know, the devil promised him anything and everything. And so all of those temptations, and yet he maintained his ground and he knew that he had come had to come back to his father. He couldn't be temptation. His father was Rosedale. It was really that that overcoming those temptations. And I think, you know, as as we transition into, you know, the bigger picture that we talk about all the time in leaders and that kind of thing, how many times do we know? And Randy, I know you've worked with them, and I certainly have, how many times do you know that a leader will be overcome by a temptation? And it could be a project, it could be a person, it could be uh uh a shiny object, whatever the case may be, they get tempted and they don't come back to Rosedale, and now the train goes off the tracks, you know. I mean, I you know, you can even look at it in the news today, you know, all of the news that that that's out there today with the Epstein files, you know, how many of those people that are connected back to that, how many of those weren't able to overcome the temptation and wound up getting involved when they should have should have gone home to Rosedale.

SPEAKER_00 11:43

You know, I think that this what's what's interesting about this conversation is you see that temptation is a matter of degrees, right? That there's there's all kinds of layers in there in terms of your cognition and awareness. And I'll I'll lay a little bit of science on you here real quick, just because I think it's absolutely fascinating. So they've done brain studies, and one of the more interesting studies is one where the participant in the study is given the rules of the study, and if you do certain things in a certain way, you're gonna get a reward at the end or whatever. And then they figure out very quickly that you can cheat, that there's a way to cheat the system. And so the participant in the study doesn't know that the study is about the fact that they can cheat the system. So the brain scan is measuring, they're seeing the person sees that they can cheat. And so the brain kind of goes, oh, well, there it was. And sure enough, people cheat. Okay, so there it was. Well, then there's a bunch of people where they they see that they could cheat, but they don't cheat. And then they see that they can cheat on the next turn, but they don't cheat. And then maybe they finally do cheat. And then there's people who never they're all stuck, it's triggering every time, but they never cheat. What's going on with them? Well, then there's another group of people where it never even triggers. Wow. In other words, wouldn't even occur to them. There is there's no turmoil. And all these other people are like, oh, I should I cheat or should I not cheat or what if I get caught or what if I don't get caught? No, there's a group of people, small group of people, would never occur to them to ever do it. They waste zero calories on the decision of to cheat or not to cheat. It's not who they are, and so they're getting this benefit of extra energy, they're not wasting energy, they're not struggling over this temptation, this need, this desire that's driving them. And to me, that is spiritual bliss. That's to be at that place where it's not even doesn't even cross the mind.

SPEAKER_01 13:46

So in my mind, that's so interesting. And I know you've been in this whole neural thing lately, and you're making a lot of sense. And that makes all the sense in the world to make. But to me, you it's so funny. In my my mind, before you just said that and you proved it, you have proof behind it. You put anybody in a situation, the the problem is putting yourself in the spot that that can be damaging. So how do you not put yourself in that situation? But you just said you could put somebody in the fire and they're not gonna feel it. I mean, that's another trip to me. I've never thought about it that way. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 14:19

Never. I mean, and this is I mean, you know, you look at you look at Tony Robbins' exercise that he does with the firewalk with people. I mean, that's what he does. He puts them into that mental place that says they can do this firewalk and they're not gonna feel anything on the bottom of their feet. And it is that that you know, neurotraining that that putting yourself in that point. I think from a from a from the other side of it is as I look at it from the Benedictine side of it, we look at Benedict's ladder of humility, and there's 12 steps to that ladder of humility. Well, the second step is self-denial. The second step is you you can't get to the 12th step unless you start with that idea of the first one is is is just the fear of God, the second one is self-denial. And you can't get beyond those if you can't can't exercise those two steps on the letter of life.

SPEAKER_00 15:12

I have to be forego exactly the the pleasures of the world, as it were.

SPEAKER_03 15:17

Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Or the tempt the temptations as we're talking about. It really and and understanding that first step, I call it awe. It's the awe of something greater than than we are. In this case, it's the awe of God. And then the second thing is that self-denial, the only way I can have that self-denial is if I maintain that awe, if I maintain that fear of God, understanding there is something greater than myself. And so as a leader, and that's you know, I talk to talk to companies and organizations all the time about this idea of a higher purpose vision. And when we began to focus on something that's greater than ourselves, and here, and I think the brain study would be an interesting thing, Randy, because I would bet that if they went back and really studied those people that just didn't let it bother them at all, they would have a great sense of purpose. Yes. They would have a they would have a great sense that there is something higher, there is something greater than they are, and in order for them to resist that temptation and not even consider it, they have to have an amazing clarity of purpose.

SPEAKER_01 16:27

Okay, so I also think I would like to know where these people were in their lives, what who was attached to their lives. So the the longer you're with that someone or or a friend, or you know, your best friend that you grow up with, or you know, this and that. The longer you are around those significant people in your life, the more that it doesn't even become a thought because you never do it. You know, you never so I understand that. But I think for me, I'm wondering, Randy, was that at them at 19? Was that at them at 29? Was that at them at 59 or 69? How long did they have? I mean, I just feel like there's something going on in their life, someone, others or whatever, that has given them the opportunity to just be so dedicated to that person because their friendship is so deep that nothing becomes a thought. I I'm definitely that way with my wife now, now. I mean my wife, but the further, the further you go, my friends, sure, it becomes not even a, you know what I mean? Like, oh, there's, you know, you're 20 years old and she's pretty. Or, you know, my wife, I'm sure we've seen a guy that he's pretty, he's a good-looking guy. Sure. Or whatever. But that didn't even cross my mind now. You know, like it's nothing. I I feel like we need to erase this part because I'm getting myself in trouble. But no, but not. What I'm saying is the longer you're together and the longer you have time to get to know and love each other, then those things just don't add up. They don't, they don't even enter your mind. Not a thought. You don't even see it. You don't see it. So I'm just curious when they did these tests, where these people were in their life with the competence they had toward their friends and loved ones.

SPEAKER_00 18:03

And and just like all good science, it it begs more questions, right? I mean, that's the thing, is it you the the the data just makes you ask even more and more questions, right? More questions. But I think that the key here is that when, you know, it was one one of the things I liked in the song, you you use kind of I I describe it as Yoda phrasing in the chorus where you say something to the effect of asking forgiveness is something I will never do or have to do. So it's kind of like backwards. Ask forgiveness. Well, I'm never gonna have to do that because I would never ever do wrong Rosedale, right? And and so this normally in the song, and you sing it so beautifully, I'm going to ask forgiveness because that's what we all expect. Oh, well, yes, honey, I went and screwed up, and so, but uh, please forgive me, I'm never gonna do this again. And it was a great forgiveness song, and it's all Valentine's enjoy. But that's not the song. The song is I don't have to ask forgiveness. I'll never have to ask forgiveness because that's something I'll never do. And so you you kind of claimed, you put a flag in the ground, what I think is one of the the highest levels of fiduciary relationship with an idea or with another person. That's as it doesn't get any better than that, right? As far as I'm concerned. And so I think that's uh it's just an interesting twist and concept in the song. And I think the last thing on the song is is that you've in the third, I think third verse, you you actually describe her. She's so pretty, Mississippi pretty, and she wakes up singing and she sings along with the birds, and she's just amazing, and she apparently smells wonderful because the aroma fills my bed. I mean, if you've if if friends, if you have not listened to this song, you need to go listen to this song because it's a it's a sexy song. I'm gonna just go ahead and say it. It's it's uh it's a romantic, loving, passionate song that lands at the highest possible level of fidelity you could have.

SPEAKER_01 19:57

Well, I do I do introduce her at the at the at the third verse, and uh there's a lot of fun, so she sort of get her the vibe of her uh personality. Yeah. And uh and how she sees life and uh how she thinks she is good enough to sing with those mocking birds. You know what I mean? Like she's part of the man, right? That's what I said, because it's to me it's so uh it's so her. And um, I think that could be anybody's her.

SPEAKER_00 20:21

You know, and I don't know about it. Yeah, I mean, I I I certainly was interested in her in that she she suddenly became dimensional. She became a real person.

SPEAKER_01 20:31

I won't back up. Uh, you know, I talk about Gwen being the love of my life. I have friends who are the loves of my life as well that I've known forever. They're my best friends in the world. And we've gone through fighting each other when we were younger and doing things that we'd never do, and trying to steal each other's girl when we were 13, you know what I mean, like that. But we would never do it now. But I guess what I'm saying is I never I just saw Rosedale as, like I said, the one that you can't do wrong, that you wouldn't do wrong, that you never think about doing wrong. And it's interesting you brought that up, but I never was thinking personally about Gwen. I I don't ever really think about her much in song, and she knows it. I feel like that, and I probably am um there in my head, but it's not like I have to go, okay, here I'm gonna do this. It's sort of, I think because of the experiences I've had, just they just sort of decide to do it. And but I in my mind I'm not there when I not even a thought. But looking back at it, I can go, oh, that definitely had something to do with it. You know. Um but as a songwriter, you have to I wish I could explain what goes on in my mind. And when you let it happen, it's the best thing in the world when you don't have to think it. And um there's not no thought process at all in Rosedale except for seeing that that that sign and seeing it as so romantic in the town name, and my daughter saying, I'm gonna name my baby girl Rosedale, you know. And I thought, man, that what does that say?

SPEAKER_00 21:53

Another way to to think about this is just the simple act of how do you act when nobody's Watching. Right. When, you know, in this world where everybody is videotaping, everybody doing everything all the time, videotaping each other, videotaping. And you know, we get to see all these kind of Karen videos and stuff for because now all that stuff always happened, but now we actually have a video of the jackass doing whatever it is they're doing. Right. So my my big question is, and I I really think a lot about character, is what do you do? Do you clean up the kitchen when nobody's there? Do you take out the garbage because that's the right thing to do? And do you not make it, you know, to what degree can you do all of these things and lay no claim to them in terms of my own personal face, my own personal uh uh credibility in the household or whatever? And we all know those people who will do something nice and will remind you that they did something nice.

SPEAKER_01 22:49

But they did it, right? I'm a little I'm a little guilty in terms of that.

SPEAKER_03 22:55

Although I think the the the interesting thing about this is is as we think about this from a standpoint of leadership, you don't get to that point unless you're truly grounded on who you are and and what you believe and how you've been brought up, how you act. I think that that, you know, it's this Benedictine idea of stability. It's that rootedness, that groundedness that allows us to overcome the temptation, to not even think about the temptation. If we don't have faith, if we don't have those people in our lives that we believe in that way, then I think things kind of get blown in the wind and anything can happen at that point. So I think it's so important that the idea of who you are, what you believe in, what you believe your purpose is, those are so important from a standpoint of leadership, because if we don't have those, then it's very easy to get buffeted in every direction from every time the wind blows. And so I I and and certainly I've worked with, and I know Randy, you have too, worked with a lot of folks that they didn't have that groundedness. They didn't have those roots that said, This is who I am, this is what I believe, uh, these are the people in my life that I care for. Uh, and because I don't have that, I'm just gonna kind of let the wind blow me wherever I'm gonna, it's gonna blow me.

SPEAKER_01 24:21

Yeah. Yeah. A lot of things here, guys. I mean, like, uh, I do think that your goal is to become a better person as you, as you grow. And uh as you love and you realize the people that in your are you in your life that are worthy of your love and you're worthy of theirs, temptation becomes not even a it's just not even a word that that you even say. You know, it's not it's not there. So I love hearing you talk about that, Randy. That's still sticking with me. Uh but I think that takes I think it all takes time. I think it takes maturity. And um, I don't know if you're just born with it, you know?

SPEAKER_00 24:51

Yeah, it's a discipline thing, isn't it? I mean, it's about about having, you know, I I've been interested in this whole stoic thing that has emerged.

SPEAKER_03 25:00

Marcus Aurelius and all it hasn't emerged, it's been around for thousands of years.

SPEAKER_01 25:05

It's come back around. It's like yeah. I'm between y'all, I'm breaking y'all up right now.

SPEAKER_00 25:10

I know to me it's like it's like flared pants. You know, it's kind of come back around, right?

SPEAKER_01 25:16

I still like them.

SPEAKER_00 25:17

They never leave from the trust me. I miss the flares, I really do. Man, I still got bow bottoms.

SPEAKER_01 25:25

Hey, you can wear them on stage and still get away.

SPEAKER_00 25:27

Okay, well, yeah. And you know you're old when anyway, we'll we'll forget all that. Okay, but anyway, there is a sense of discipline though. I mean, I mean, this is this is the thing where do you have this sense of internal discipline where you can manage, for example, if you're on a restricted diet or something like that, or can you can you follow those instructions and can you do that thing? Does it just really is it a struggle for you to do that? So so one of the things I would say is if you want to understand how you're doing in terms of your own sense of presence and balance and awareness of ground, really just start monitoring your behavior in terms of what you do when you are truly alone, when you are by yourself. What are you doing for the betterment of the house or for your own wealth being and health or so forth? Or are you using that opportunity to sneak the cookies or you know, yeah, eat the thing that you shouldn't be eating or do the thing that you should be doing? Another thing that I'd help you do is think about to what degree are you looking at your relationships as some kind of transaction, as some kind of give and take. And I'm gonna open up a small little subtopic here. We had a wonderful experience over the holidays where I think, Farrell, you started it. You send out Christmas gifts. And so then it wasn't, it was like an hour later, and Azar is now sending out Christmas gifts. And so then I'm talking to Patty, and I said, Well, well, we gotta do something. We got we gotta send out some Christmas gifts. So, and it was delightful. It was all it was a lot of fun and it was and it was enjoyable. But if if we go to Japan, there is a term they use, and I'm gonna probably mispronounce it, but the term is giddy, g-i-r-i, giddy. And giddy is a culture of gift giving. And so if I go and I have a teacher who's very good at the end of my class, it is an expectation that I'm going to give a gift to the teacher. But the gift has to be very specific because what I can't do is give her a gift or him a gift that would then obligate them to give me something. Right. And so when you go into uh the train stations in Japan, you'll often see deli counters and stuff, and they'll have a whole area of very well packaged, beautifully wrapped pears. Or an apple. It's the most beautiful apple you've ever seen, and it's gonna cost you sixteen dollars, by the way, to buy that apple. But that would be an acceptable thing for the teacher, right? That's these are gifts that have been sort of they've passed the giddy test. But so what happens though with with people uh in Japan is if I give you a gift, then I have obligated you. So there's a certain uh curse that goes along with the gift, and they know it, right? So this this gamesmanship begins. Who's giving who what gift? How am I showing you this respect? How deeply am I bowing versus your bow to me? All these little subtle dance steps that are going on that create the economy of the relationship and ultimately get to the place where the person doesn't feel like they're obligated.

SPEAKER_03 28:44

And little did you know that bacon has the same effect.

SPEAKER_01 28:50

I mean, bacon, bacon's my comfort food. Also, enough said there, we all agree about that. It's funny that you talk about the apple, it's so cliche, but it but a$16 cliche, interesting. Yeah. Yeah. With the teacher, you know, it's that's right.

SPEAKER_00 29:05

But I mean, so when you think about it though, here, I mean, one of the things that drives me crazy about just communication around relationship is when somebody thinks that you're in a close relationship with them and they say, Hey, what are you doing on Tuesday? I'm like, well, why do you want to know what I'm doing on Tuesday? And normally, if you were a really good friend, like Azar, if you ask me what are you doing on Tuesday, I'd tell you, well, Tuesday I'm doing this, I'm doing that, I'm doing this. It would be a measure of our friendship. But obviously, if you're asking me what I'm doing on Tuesday, it's because you want me to do something on Tuesday, right? Yeah. And so I always drives me crazy, though, when people that I don't know very well say, Hey, what do you what do you got going on tomorrow night?

SPEAKER_01 29:46

Yeah. We'll be home. Uh let me look at my schedule. Come down south.

SPEAKER_00 29:53

I got a thing. It's called a thing. It's called a thing. I got a thing. So my first suggestion is don't do that to people because what you've done, whether you know it or not, is you've kind of insulted them. You have put a burden on them that now they have to sort of lie. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 30:13

Yeah, right, right, exactly.

SPEAKER_01 30:15

And that's not good for a limb. Right now, this is starting candy right now again. Hey, can I jump something real quick? Everything that I'm hearing you guys say, and I think about the song as well. Commitment. Why about commitment? I mean, like, how about being all in on that? And I think commitment is one of those things people earn and and and over time, like I keep talking about. But when you're committed to something, I mean, that's hard to make hard to screw it up, you know, because you just you can't go there. Because it's just it becomes in your DNA, it becomes part of who you are. And I think that when that test you're talking about, I think that that that became part of their DNA where it wasn't even a thought.

SPEAKER_03 30:54

And I and I would say that in and jumping back to Randy and the Stoics, you know, if you go back and and look at Aristotle and some of the ancient Greek philosophers, you know, Aristotle, of course, talked a lot about virtue. And the whole idea of character is that character is exercising virtue. Virtue doesn't happen without practice, without doing it. And I think one of the things that's the challenge is that sometimes we as individuals never truly define our character. And I see that a lot with people that I work with, that the character isn't truly defined or they don't understand what their character strengths are. They don't understand how to exercise their character strengths. So, you know, and and I've talked about this tool before, the values in action inventory is a tool that you can use to identify what your character strengths are. But the thing about it is, just because you know what your character strengths are, you still have to do them in balance. And so you can do them too much or you can do them too little, you know. And so that exercise of character, when we see people, and and you know, you look at this brain exercise, Randy, uh, and Steve getting to your commitment commit commitment piece, those people that are committed, first and foremost, are committed to their character. They're committed to doing the things that they need to do or that they are are good at that allows them to exercise virtue. Yep. Because none of the the this temptation is always going to win if we don't exercise virtue. And understanding that, and there's no way to make a commitment if we're not exercising that virtue. And and that's where we begin to build relationships. That's where we begin to understand our faith. All of those things are the bedrocks, the foundation uh that allows us to make those commitments so that we don't waver, we don't even think about it, we're not even registering on the brain machine.

SPEAKER_01 32:51

Well, commitment's a two-way street too, though. If the other person is not committed to you, then it's gonna be easier for you to screw up because you're just gonna be ticked off or you're gonna be like, I'm done with that, or they're not giving back to me what I'm trying to give to you and that loyalty thing. Well, so I think it's a two-way street. So if you have it in your life and you develop that further and further and further as you go, then then you're then it becomes a no-brainer and you it's easy. But when you when it's not working on both ways, it's not coming that that love's not coming back and that friendship and that the relation rate or the relationship's not working both ways, then uh obviously there's a chink in the armor, right?

SPEAKER_03 33:27

And I think you have to foster it. You you have to foster an environment that encourages it. You know, if you've got the right relationship, if you've got the right person, if you're managing the right people, and you're creating that environment where the commitment is too is a two-way street, that's the ultimate place that you want to be.

SPEAKER_01 33:46

And that's the most important thing that's been said in the last five minutes to me. You just said it. I mean, that's that's imperative. It's just imperative. Yep.

SPEAKER_00 33:55

Yeah, there's that there's that environment that says, this is the way we do and don't do things here. This is this is just the way it is.

SPEAKER_01 34:04

Right. Right, right, right, right, right, right. Yeah, you gotta be really in sync with your relationships. You gotta like do the same a lot of the same things. You gotta want to um do them at the same time. Uh there's just a lot of things in a day that goes on where uh where if you're both working or you're you're coming back home or you spend the day at home working and then you don't see each other, in my case with with Gwen and I. I mean, the bottom line is we we we both want to do the same things at the in the morning when we're together, and we when we separate in the house or wherever we are, I'll go on the road or whatever. And then when we get back, we want to do the same things together. Right. We were pretty much saying sometimes she has to convince me to do some things. I'm like, oh no, I don't want to do that. But she's you she's right, usually and I end up having a great time. But I'm a little bit more that's where you fostered the commitment environment because she's cost you know, sometimes for me I get I get a little bit uh quick to say no uh because I just like to be at home when I've been gone so much of my life. So home is you know, and but I have to realize she's been home most of her life, and sometimes she needs to, you know, her friend she needs other friends and and things going on about and I I gotta be better at that. I try to get better all the time at that.

SPEAKER_00 35:12

I feel there, yeah. I I am uh the worst for wanting to be a hermit.

SPEAKER_01 35:16

Yeah. I just yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:18

I just I could do it. I think I could do it. Yeah, yeah, and I'm just the opposite. I want to be out out with people. I want to be, you know, and's the hermit.

SPEAKER_01 35:27

I'm the I'm the one that wants to be out and and you know but but but my I keep saying I'm gonna defend myself here a little bit and just go, it's because I'm out with so many people. Oh, yeah, right, right. And I'm grateful and I love it. I love it. But it's almost like I have to recharge that I'm I'm a little exhausted, I guess, is the best way to do that.

SPEAKER_03 35:47

And I I get that way too. Yeah, absolutely. I need it for my throat surgery. That's why I go on silent retreat.

SPEAKER_01 35:51

Yeah. After having throat surgery in 2005, I learned from my my my physical, my vocal coach, physical therapist, who said, here's what you've been doing wrong all this time. You just don't stop. And you gotta stop. You gotta take a break. You gotta give your vocal cords time off for all the time you put on. You gotta get, you know, if you're 90 minutes on, you gotta stop for 20 minutes and do nothing, say nothing. Um and she also taught me how to talk and use my breath. I think my producer on my other radio show uh in a Mississippi minute that you guys have been on, he he says, God, you got a lot of breath in your between your, you know, between your voice. Well, I'm having to take a breath because I used to hold my breath and talk. You know, and so you have to. And so I take such a breath that you hear it. And I think that he was clipping them out or uh, and I started to clip them out, and I was like, what am I? I can't clip all these. I'm just breathing in oxygen so I can talk. So I won't I won't let what happened to me back in 2005, I want to go back, I don't want to go back under the knife again on my throat. Oh, yeah, and I work out this time. So anyway, I do think that's important.

SPEAKER_03 36:52

But I'm gonna bring him home. Yeah, take us home. We've had a we've had a wonderful show today talking about Steve's amazing song Rosedale and all of the intricacies that uh that happened with that, and understanding this idea of temptation and coming back to the one that we love, coming back to the the one that we're committed to, coming back to whatever it is that that we really truly ground ourselves in and believe in, that we find that stability to come back and do that. And so that's what we've really talked about it, whether it's in your relationships, whether it's in your work, whether it's the people that you lead, understanding that the way that we maintain that solid line in Randy's famous brain machine, the way that we maintain that solid line and don't even think about temptation is that we have that groundedness, that rootedness, and that faith that says we're where we need to be, we're who with who we need to be with, and this is good, and I don't even need to think about the other stuff. Again, I think that's what we've kind of kind of talked about on this show. So, Steve, wrap us up. Well, I think that's it.

SPEAKER_01 37:59

As y'all analyze and dissect and and surgically remove parts of Rosedale, it made me realize even more so the one you can't do wrong, never even a thought, with all the temptation to staring at you, coming at you, and you're you're thousand a thousand miles from home that you don't even think about it. And I think the song says that every inch of the way. And uh it's interesting that y'all have made me realize some things that I that I don't think about it when I write my songs. So I'm glad that from y'all's perspective, that that gave me a whole nother uh viewpoint of Rosedale, and I appreciate y'all liking it. I mean, it's I have a feel, you know, one of the special ones for me, no doubt in my mind, top 10 for sure that I've written, and for a lot of reasons, but I feel like that uh it also is Mississippi to me. And you know how I am about writing my Mississippi songs, it's uh it's who I am now. It's just become me. It's always been me, but now I really get to the last 20 years of my life, I've gotten to pour myself into that. And I've gotten a lot of love back from my home state. So the other thing uh is we are residenceleader.com. ResidenceLeader.com, we can come see you live. Uh we'll put on a show for you, uh, like these conferences that you guys are used to doing. And I've done one with you, Randy, but I've done a lot of situation scheme gigs and all that for a lot of big companies that brought me in to do sort of a combination of what I'll do with you guys and what you guys will do with me. Uh bring us, bring, check, go to the website, and uh you can figure out how to do that. And uh check us out on YouTube and all the streaming platforms. Resonanceleader.com will lead you to the water.

SPEAKER_02 39:30

All right. All right, fellas, with that, let's wrap it up. We will see you on the next episode, and uh, we'll be back later on. All right.

SPEAKER_01 39:42

Thanks for listening to Resonance. Find us at resonanceleader.com.