Real Talk: Motherhood, Comparison & Feeling Behind

Real, honest conversation about motherhood, comparison, and finding God in the middle of a hard season. If you’ve been feeling overwhelmed or alone, this episode is for you. 

Transcript

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Hello, welcome back to the Cup of Joy podcast. This is your host, Amanda Joy. It is currently 9:34. It's Monday, February 23rd, and Tyler just took our five-month-old Juniper to the gym. So they're gonna go hang out there. I just wanted to take this opportunity to pop on, say hello, give some updates, talk about motherhood, how what a crazy, hard and rewarding season it's been, and just hang out. So I'm super excited. I don't know if we're gonna be, you know, doing a good old 20-minute episode, 45-minute episode. I'm really kind of liking the 45 minutes. Uh it's enough to well, I did a little bit more of a commute when I was living in St. Charles. So it was like I could get an episode in and out. But let's let's clean together 45 minutes to just listen in and get some cleaning done around the house. You know, make the bed, do some laundry, just, you know, take me with you on your chores, and you can get a lot done in 45 minutes. And I'm hoping that we can learn together a little bit more through just the Holy Spirit guiding us. Because again, I don't have any notes today, but I feel like there's something that we should talk about that hopefully we can again both take some things away from. But uh yes, I this morning, because again, the podcast, it's been a minute. It's I've I would say I've recorded one episode in the last year, which is absolutely insane. I have no idea where time went or how it happened. I just I don't know when a good time is to hit record and be an uninterrupted to to sit down and talk. Um, but we're here and I'm realizing that it's it's pretty easy actually if you really are intentional about it. This morning I was taking a shower and trying to figure out the plan for the day. And it's a Monday. And Mondays, I love Mondays because it's a start to the new week. So we could do the avenue of meal prepping and cleaning or getting some like admin work done, you know, taxes and maybe some social media posts, or um just hang just hanging out with Juniper, just not really doing much, and just you know, it's always really fun to just snuggle and hang out. And of course, every day involves all of the baby snuggles and playtime, but just like the intentionality of the day. And what I've learned is that nine times out of ten, when I have a plan, it always changes by the end of the like by the end of the day when I am resting my head on the pillow, the day has not at all gone the way that I thought it would. But I will tell you the days that I've surrendered it to the Lord, the interruptions have been so sweet and just bring so much more joy and so much more connection than I could have ever planned. So that's exactly what happened this morning was a surrender moment, and now I'm recording an episode. So let's just get into it. I would say because of the season that I'm in and the tenderness of just what's on my heart, I would really love to focus in on motherhood, to focus in on, you know, the person that you were before being a mom and the person that you are now. Because every mom has a different story, a different pregnancy, a different birthing story, a different baby. Regardless if you've had one child or four, I'm sure that with each child, it's just different. But one thing is the same, is that we are all different people on the other side of it. And so uh, if that's kind of where you're at in life, let's let's keep talking and keep you know conversating about that because I just think there's a lot to unpack. And there's a lot I think the enemy would love for us to stay in this space of no one else gets it, you know, I'm alone in this. I have seen so much comparison between stories and you know, looking at someone's best while experiencing your worst and comparing, you know, well, their child sleeps better, or why does their child feed better? Or why, you know, can they produce more milk? Or why can't I, you know, just like filling the blank of just like what our idea of like better is? And it's really sad because it's so true that comparison truly is like the thief of joy. And I'm seeing it in the people around me and also in my life, and not just not just social media, but just even like you know, mom hangouts, you know, when we're just like talking and conversating, sharing, you know, what our struggles have been. I can I can see through very soft language, like, oh, that must be nice, you know, my child, fill in the blank. It really hurts my heart because you're doing an amazing job. Like, seriously, you're doing an incredible job raising your child. And you need to hear that. You need to really hear these words that this is the whatever hard season that you're in right now, it's not forever. And again, the devil wants you to think it's forever. He wants you to think that this is this is like you're the only one going through this. No one else will ever understand. No child is struggling with this, you know, said thing, and that this is your forever and you're gonna mess up your kid. And it's like, really? I think we're like our parents did a great job, you know. I mean, they made their mistakes and we're we're all here doing it. Like, it's okay, it's gonna be okay. And just giving it to God, laying it at the cross and saying, Lord, help me in this, seek Him. Don't don't compare your heart to somebody else's. It's not fair to you. Everyone has a different story, everyone has different challenges, and no one, like we're all we're all doing it for the first time. Even if this is your second, third, fourth, fifth child. This is your first time with this specific child, and it's their first time living, and it's all gonna be okay. And I know that that is so much easier said than done. So let's just talk about practical things that we can do. We're all one church, we are all one body, we're all we're all doing this together. You know, it it takes and it does, it takes a community to raise a family. It truly, truly, truly does. And if you don't have community, my prayer over you right now, Lord, if this person listening right now does not have community, I just pray that you bless her. Bless her with people who love you, God. I just pray that that she can really feel saturated in love. And that is like the biggest key, I would say, with you know, where you're at right now is to seek other people. Let them help you. It is not a weakness to ask for help, it's not a weakness to accept help. People want to help you. When I go out of my way to go ask somebody, like, hey, is there anything that I can do? It's not just sincere words. I truly mean it. And I want to show up in a way that they need it, whether it's a meal or come over and just hold your baby while you shower, help with laundry. That's what I'm learning. I was like talking to a friend, I'm like, what is up with all of us saying, like, hey, let's go get coffee sometime? Like, no, come over and help me clean my junk drawer. That would be great. Please, like, I don't want to spend another$8 on a coffee. I love coffee, but like, we have to wake up and realize that it is such a scam. And we don't, I mean, yeah, let's just all decide together, get on the same page, that our get together dates are now just gonna be coming over and helping each other put away dishes and fold laundry because I think that it is so much more fun and really like motivating when someone's over at the house to help like get things done. And everything's just more fun doing it together than alone. But but also, hey, you could be doing laundry right now while you listen to this podcast, podcast. And if that's you, I'm really proud of you. So tuning back in, community is huge. Number one, just like dive in. I should say that number one was would be Jesus, um, and reading his word, you know, getting into the Bible and really, really seeking him and then community being under that. So I'll just I'll just leave that there just so yes, you guys know that Jesus is number one. What is another practical thing that we could do? Okay with community, it definitely matters who your friends are. It matters, like there is so much. I always tie and I think of community as like my community that I go to for my church, but I know that there is also community at work and community, you know, in a certain sport, like a fit, like a fitness community or a motorcycle community, all those things. Just being very selective of who you are hanging out with, knowing who you do feel safe with, that you can be vulnerable if you're starting to see a pattern with the people that you're spending time with, and if they, you know, maybe gossip a little bit, or which is we all have our things, but just be very careful who you are spending your time with, that you do feel safe and comfortable, and you know, if there's anybody that's mom shaming you or saying things that you know are really hurting and kind of going after who you are as as a mom, that doesn't equal truth. Like just because someone says something to you does not mean that it's true. That 100% can and is, you know, a lie. And so just also paying attention to who you're spending your time with. Another thing that has been really, really helpful during this time is moving my body in some capacity. I would say there are weeks where I do go to the gym three days in the week, and that's a win, and I feel really good about it, and it's amazing. And there are days where I don't go to the gym at all, but I'm still choosing 20 minutes to do some sort of pelvic floor exercise or you know, doing baby squats, holding juniper, and she loves it, like just moving intentionally your body and incorporating it into your lifestyle. You know what you can handle and you know what's too much. And right now, maybe going to the gym is too much, and that is okay. But you could do a simple routine that is very compatible with where you're at, whether it's doing some lunges, it's while your baby is on tummy time or while they're napping, and you can step outside for a minute or be in the living room and just do some like a basic exercise routine that feels good. Like if right now you're like, oh my gosh, a plank is the worst, then don't do the plank. You don't have to do the plank, just focus on moving your body, and it'll give you a lot more clarity, I think, to just kind of handle the day. What I've learned is I have more energy when I am moving my body and really focusing on steps, like your steps for the day. If you can set a goal of like eight to ten thousand steps a day, and figuring out if that's something that you can that you can accomplish. And also what you are putting into your body. If you are craving chips and sugar and processed food, then you're never gonna really crave things like vegetables and fruits and you know, good protein meals. I can tell you right now that when I was craving Doritos, I was not craving cottage cheese, anything. And once I started to eliminate all of those sugars and processed snacks, I really was down for like carrots and hummus. And like two years ago, never, never, I would have never eaten hummus. What is that? Gross. And now peppers and hummus, carrots, cucumbers, all the things. So just paying attention to what you're eating because that really is going to help fuel you and just like understanding your relationship with food and in that process, giving yourself so much grace, like it is okay. You can still have the Doritos, but like maybe not 80% of the time, just 20% of the time. So it is all a balance, but just paying attention to in this time to being intentional, giving yourself grace, and you can do again both at the same time. And so that is definitely another thing that has really helped me during this season is meal prepping. Also, I've never been one to meal prep. Like, I always when I picture meal prepping, I picture myself making a meal, having like this must just be like single Amanda when I was like super into fitness and just like on the go. I I don't know. And it's nice, I get it, but like this is not we're we're we're different, we're not single and doing our own thing and making our own meals. We now have a family, a husband, a a child to, you know, you're starting this family. I would think of meal prepping as making a meal, having it be like a you know, low carb, high protein meal, and then having these like those black little pre containers, whatever, and then putting in the main meal with a side dish and prepping like seven to ten of them and then putting them in the fridge, and then it takes up a whole bunch of your fridge space, but it looks aesthetically pleasing. And like the theory is you grab one for your lunch or for your dinner, and it's like already set and ready to go. The problem that I saw with this was that I was so sick of the meal by like day four. I was just over it, and then also you have all this, all these extra dishes and all this fridge space being taken up, and now there's two of you if you're married, or three, four of you if you have kids, and this hack that I learned. And maybe I'm late to the party, but it's just making like four to five freezer meals for dinner. Another thing during this time is my time with the Lord looks so different. At first, I thought it was wrong for how it looked. I before Juniper would clean the space, I would have a cup of coffee brewing, dim the lights, light a candle, I would go into another room, find my highlighters, a journal, my Bible, I would get the creamer and the coffee. I would probably take a picture. Take a I don't know, it's just aesthetically pleasing. I don't know. I was getting the vibe, like I love how the environment feels around me. And I would get it set up and then sit down and take a deep breath and be like, okay, like now I can take this next 90 minutes, like 60 to 90 minutes, and sit with the Lord and journal and pray and let the Holy Spirit, you know, speak to me, or just sit and just sit in that space with God. It was not every day, it was not always 60 minutes, and it was also its own struggle because while I was creating the environment, there was always distractions and I always had to reset my mind. And I always there were times where I would have the Bible in my lap and then have my phone on top of my Bible and be scrolling. So, no, before Juniper, it wasn't this perfect thing, but I would say that that was where most of my mornings were is sitting in God's word and when I was not distracted and just being intentional with that space. So I did have my own struggles, but I had the time for those distractions. Whereas now I do not have 90 minutes. I don't know if any of us will ever again in our life while having children have 90 minutes of uninterrupted time to sit in God's word. It's very rare to have 60 minutes in the morning to just sit and read God's word. It looks different. That's okay. Devotions that are, you know, we are we are in a time where we're tired, we are tending to our child's every need, and we are on their time when they are hungry, when they need a diaper change, when they just want to snuggle with you and want your attention. And that right there is spending time with the Lord 100% because you are fulfilling the calling that God has over your life. It is a calling and a ministry for you to be raising your child and to be tending to their every need. And that 100% is where God needs you. You are exactly where God has you. And while you're feeding your baby, instead of scrolling on your phone, you know, and I'm not saying that this is every time, but sometimes it is a time where you can kind of go on Amazon and do some like, you know, looking at other things or sit and scroll through Instagram reels or TikTok videos, or if you have Snapchat or whatever, whatever your thing is, replacing that time with an audio of the Bible. You know, just set your phone on audio and listen to a couple chapters of Ephesians or the book of James, like wherever you're at, and listen to it instead of reading it, or just sit and just talk to God or pray over your child. Just pray while you are breastfeeding, or if you have another another toddler and you're and you're feeding and trying to take care of your baby, and like one more thing is just more stimulating, then just just say the name Jesus. You don't have to sit either and and pray this long prayer. You can just sit and say, Jesus, I need you. I need you in this moment. Help, help me in this moment. Show me more of you. I need more of your peace. I need more of you and less of me. If you can only utter out the name Jesus, praise God. That's amazing. And I promise you, with everything in me, he will show up. I don't know how, I don't know what that looks like, but I'm telling you, he shows up, he answers prayers, and he wants to be in communion with you. He wants to spend this time with you. He doesn't want you to do it alone. He's not desiring you to be struggling in this time. There's it's not denying that it isn't hard. God sent his one and only son, who he loved with everything in him, to walk this life as fully man and fully God. His life he was sinless, did not commit one sin. And he felt every single emotion everything that you are feeling or have felt. Jesus has felt, he has felt exhausted. I mean, the amount of demands that he had from other people that were good. It wasn't, it was his his schedule was full of good things, but everyone wanted something from him. And as a mom, I'm sure that's something that you've experienced where it's like, ah, everything, like everyone needs something from me. But I don't have anything left to give. You see Jesus give time and time again in the in the Bible examples of him going off and spending time alone in prayer with God. That solitude moment where he can be filled up and have that capacity to go and pour into others. He's setting an example for us that when we are tired, when we are exhausted, Jesus being fully man and fully God, even he himself went and sat with his father. And so we can't expect to get through the full day without bringing God into it. It's not a bad thing. Again, it's not a weakness, it is a strength. It is a beautiful thing to say, I need more of Jesus. It's humble. And it's true. Like we are sinful people. Jesus is sinless and he's still spending time with the Lord because he loves his father. Right now, again, whatever you're experiencing, Jesus has felt. He's felt betrayed by his closest friends. He's felt grief from people very, very, very close to him dying. You know, it's so easy for us to say, like, how is God good when all this bad happens? It was, there was still stuff happening in Jesus' life, and he was doing everything right. And he was still experiencing so much hurt. Not to even mention the way that he surrendered his body as a sacrifice for our sins, not his. You know, that's not, you know, we talk about like life also, I'm thinking of just how easy it is for us to think, like, oh, this isn't fair that this is happening. It's not fair that, like, you know, this baby is my friend's baby is sleeping and mine isn't. It's like, why? Like, why them and not me? And it's like humbling ourselves and knowing that Jesus was perfect, is perfect, and died a very, very painful death. I can't even imagine going through labor was the closest thing I could ever think to what he experienced. It's not even close for other people's sin, for our sin, for you and I, like what we do on a daily basis of sin. It's just kind, it's just humbling. And it's not to shame, but it's to just give you a little bit more grace for yourself, knowing that you are not alone to call on Jesus because he gets you, he knows you, he knows everything that you're feeling, everything that you've experienced. He knows you better than yourself. Bring him into it, bring him in to the situation that you're in right now, and he shows up. He really, really, really does. He will not let you stay where you're at, whatever you're experiencing. He he shows up. And I also encourage you to journal, to, to journal things that are happening and are going on, because it's so easy to forget. I think about the Israel Israelites being taken out of Egypt and how they were being treated while they were living in Egypt and what God took them out of. And when they were feeling again lost or feeling like God wasn't showing up in the way that they wanted him to, they forgot the goodness that he's already shown them. They forgot what he had pulled them out of, and they wanted to go back. They wanted to go back to their old life, back to suffering that they were forgetting. Like they weren't in that space of gratitude and remembering. And when we journal, I just think it really does. Like we go back and be like, oh my gosh, I completely forgot about that. Like he's done so much, and he's the same God yesterday, today, and for forever. So if he did it then, I promise you he's gonna do it again. So surrender whatever that is, whatever that looks like in your life that you're struggling with, he'll come through. The other thing is postpartum is definitely no joke. And it's it's heavy. I really want to be tender to that. I want to actually have an entirely separate episode specifically on postpartum because it shows up and looks so different, but we all experience it in some way and some capacity. Uh, whether it shows up as the postpartum depression, postpartum anxiety, postpartum, the OCD, there's there's a lot there. Um, just to touch on that, but knowing that everyone's again going back to everyone's story looks different and that doesn't change that it's hard. I know I've kind of been all over the place, and I just appreciate you being along for the journey, listening in. It feels so good to be here. It feels good to be behind the mic. I'm learning too that we all have this lie. Either it's something that has been spoken over us from somebody else or something that you believe about yourself. The lie that I have been believing for so long is that I don't have a voice. What I have to say does not mean anything. I'm learning and recognizing and knowing that that is a lie. If you have listened to episodes in the past, I talk a lot about like persevering through that and be like, you know what? Nope, I'm ready to fight for it. I'm ready to show up. And then I get into another rut, whatever that looks like. Um, and then I will talk about like it's just kind of like this consistent cycle, but I am still gonna show up and I am still gonna speak on what I truly believe is Holy Spirit inspired. Like I really don't want to ever, whatever I'm saying, to point back to myself, but to just point back to your creator, to point back, point back to biblical truth to be credible in that way. I also want to be funny, and I'm praying. I am praying for God to make me funny. I would love, and I think in some ways he's answered that, but in other ways I'm like, that's a slow one. It's it's happening, but very slowly. I would love to make you laugh, and I think there needs to be a little bit more humor in the world. I think that we all need to laugh a little bit more. And so my prayer is that these episodes are full of Holy Spirit wisdom, that you it's relatable, that you just feel seen. That is like the biggest thing is I want you to feel seen. I want you to feel heard and to know that you're not alone. And I want there to be a whole lot of joy, no pun intended, or I should say pun very intended. I want there to be so much joy in your life, and if I can just help in any capacity, then I'm that's the biggest win to just know that even just one person, you right now listening, making it this far into the episode, if I can help you experience the joy that God has for you, that is the biggest win. And that's why I'm saying yes. That's why I'm I'm saying yes to to God today to record an episode, is for you. And I do want you to know that God sees you. I've touched on a lot random stuff. The whole mom brain thing is so real, and it's like your brain, like for me anyway, it just kind of feels like a little bit more dull. Like, I'm like, I just miss being sharp, like I miss thinking quicker and moving a little quicker, and that's okay because I hope you get my language now. We all have our own mom language, and it just comes with a little bit slower words, and that's okay. I would love to pray over you before we end our time together. Um, feel free just to keep doing what you're doing. If you're cleaning right now, if you're driving, if you are just sitting and holding your baby or hanging out with your kids. I um I'm just gonna pray. Heavenly Father, thank you for our time together. I know it's a weird concept because I'm alone in a room behind a microphone talking, and the person listening is doing whatever you have them tending to right now. I pray over a mom that's tired. I pray over a mom that's grieving who she was before. But you called her to more. You have called her to a life that is so full. I just Lord, I I pray and I ask that you remind her that there is power behind her voice. There is power behind how she speaks over her children. Lord, I I pray that she sees the love that you have for her family, the blessings that you have to pour over her, and not just the ones to come, but let her sit in a moment where she can reminisce on how you have already showed up for her, and how you are showing up for her even right now, today, God. You don't you don't leave us. Your word says you never abandon us. We're never alone. We may feel alone, but we're not. Reveal yourself today. The way that we have to parent our children differently, because they are created so different reminds me of how you speak to us differently, and uniquely and personally. To the mom that's listening right now, just speak to her the way that she knows it's you because she knows deep down her soul knows your voice. I pray restoration over her. I pray for a divine, a divine encounter, a rest that is supernatural. Even if it's a ten-minute nap, it is a suit supernatural rest. A piece of heaven. Lord, I thank you for her. I thank you for the woman that you have called her to be. The ministry that you have over her life. You are a good God. There's no denying that. There's nothing that the world can tell us to take that away, to take away that you are good. And we live in a fallen world where things happen, things hurt, there's a lot of pain, there's a lot of sorrow, but you already knew that. And your word tells us that. That we're not, just because we are believers, doesn't mean that it takes away all of the trials and tribulations that are to come. I pray over her family. I pray that she feels covered in prayers. We thank you, God, for who you are. And someday I pray that I can have coffee in heaven with the person that's listening to this. Your holy and precious name. Amen. Thank you for listening. Thank you for praying with me. I know that it's hard, but I need you to know that you are doing a good job. Please, please give yourself the same grace that our Heavenly Father gives us. We all mess up, we all say things we don't mean. I need you to forgive yourself and to keep seeking Jesus and to show your kids that it's okay to make mistakes, that we all make mistakes, and that's why we serve a perfect and good heavenly dad. I am so grateful that you are here, that you stayed along for the ride. And uh, I do have a website, Cup of Joy online. I also have an Instagram cup of it's uh, what is it now? I rechanged it. It's um cup of joy ministry. If you need your hair done and you are in the uh where do I live? I live in Rochester, like the Rochester, Minnesota area, southeast Minnesota. Um, my Instagram is LookAmazing with Amanda. As of right now, in this very moment, I'm not taking new clients, but that will change once I adjust my schedule. So um please feel free to join for that journey of doing hair. Um, I do hair out of my at-home salon. If you want to support the podcast, you can share with another mom that you think would get something out of today, or you can go ahead and like, comment, subscribe, engagement. It's great. Um, thank you again for joining me, and I cannot wait to spend some time with you again. My goal is in this season once a month, having an episode posted, and anything more than that will be a bonus. Uh, please enjoy the rest of this beautiful day that the Lord has made, and we'll talk very soon. Bye.