#223: How to Let Go of the Past in a Relationship (Even When It Still Hurts)

Have you ever had that moment in the kitchen?

You’re just standing there, maybe making dinner, maybe scrolling your phone, and the weight of everything unsaid between you and your partner fills the room like smoke.

You want to say something.

You really do.

But the words feel like landmines.

“I’m still hurt.”

“I don’t know how to forgive you.”

“I hate that I can’t let this go.”

So, once again… you say nothing.

And in that silence, something unspoken begins to slowly unravel what once felt unbreakable.

If this sounds like your relationship lately, you’re not alone. And you’re in the right place.

Welcome to Love Shack Live, a podcast for couples standing at a relationship crossroads. For those feeling the strain of daily conflict or emotional distance… but who still believe that love is worth fighting for.

In this most-loved rebroadcast, we’re revisiting a conversation that struck such a deep chord with our community, we had to bring it back:

How do you move forward after the past has hurt you both?

Is it even possible to rebuild trust, connection, and momentum, especially when the wounds are still raw?

Inside, we’ll unpack:

• Why most couples get stuck using the past as a weapon (even when they don’t mean to)
• How shame, not the mistake itself, keeps us emotionally paralyzed
• A radically compassionate way to stop reliving the same pain—without pretending it never happened
• And practical steps to finally begin healing

Whether this is your first listen or your fifth, this episode will meet you in a new way. Because you’re not the same person you were last time you heard it. Growth is sneaky like that.

So… can you really let go of the past without losing yourself or your love?

Press play, and find out.

Timestamps:
02:18 Navigating Relationship Challenges
07:14 The Illusion of a Perfect Relationship
08:51 The Emotional Toll of Reliving the Past
10:09 The Journey of Healing and Forgiveness
19:41 The Role of Shame in Relationships
29:48 Practical Steps for Moving Forward
32:30 Understanding Regret in Relationships
33:11 Minimizing Emotional Pain
33:40 Avoiding Regret by Showing Up
34:57 The Boomerang Effect of Negative Behavior
37:30 The Importance of Affirming a Vision
43:40 Radical Acceptance and Moving Forward
53:22 Turning Negative Thoughts into Positive Actions
58:00 Celebrating Dreams and Creating New Ones
01:01:23 Final Thoughts and Resources

👉 Ready to stop making things worse during space and finally understand what’s actually going on?

Get the Space & Separation Communication Playbook for just $9 and discover which of the 3 emotional survival patterns: The Controller, The Collapser, or The Drifter, is quietly hijacking your connection.

This isn’t just a quiz. It’s your roadmap out of confusion and into clarity, with real scripts and next steps to help you reconnect without pushing them away.

🎯 Don’t wait. Most couples spend years stuck in the same painful loop. Let’s break yours today.

Grab your copy here → stacibartley.com/separation-survival-kit/space-communication-playbook