Ep. 70 Tori Hope Petersen - Finding Faith and Family through Foster Care

In this episode Tori Hope Petersen shares her story. Spending years in the foster care system, Tori finds a community and a God that pursued her well, gave her opportunities, and instilled hope for a different outcome. Tori shares about finding a God that loved her like a good Father and how she started identifying as a beloved child of God.

Tori is a former foster youth letting her Abba be known. After an adverse childhood, Tori has overcome the odds. Now she is a leading advocate for vulnerable youth and families, a sought out speaker, and influential social entrepreneur. In 2020, she founded the Beloved Initiative to grant people who are often unseen and unheard, opportunities to see that the worst parts of their lives can be used for Good — to glorify God. 

Tori has been featured by Child Welfare Gateway, Proverbs 31 Woman, Global Leadership Network,the National Council for Adoption and many other platforms educating the child welfare community and beyond. Tori has presented policy recommendations to White House Policy Staffers and congressmen and women on how to improve the foster care system. In August of 2022, Tori’s book “Fostered” will be published through B&H. You can pre-order it now! 

A  leading voice in child welfare, Tori is a reminder to have empathy and understanding for those who are different than us as she leads a life of genuine compassion! Her story is one of hope and points to the work of God in her life, while showing others what God can do in their lives!

Tori's book:
Fostered: One Woman's Powerful Story of Finding Faith and Family through Foster Care

Tori's recommendation:
Cold Tangerines by Shauna Niequist

Connect with Joshua: jjohnson@allnations.us

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Transcript

Joshua Johnson: 0:57

Hello and welcome to the shifting culture podcast in which we have conversations about the culture we create, and the impact we can make. We longed to see the body of Christ look like Jesus. I'm your host, Joshua Johnson. You could go to shifting culture podcast.com To interact or donate, or find us on Instagram and Facebook at shifting culture podcast. And don't forget to hit the Follow button on your favorite podcast app to be notified when new episodes come out each Tuesday, and when to leave a rating or review. It would greatly help us out so thank you. Previous guests on the show have included Shayla Visser teleserye gara and Michael carry on. You can go back listen to those episodes and more. But today's guest is Tori hope Petersen Tory is a former foster youth letting her ABA be known. After an adverse childhood Tory has overcome the odds now she is a leading advocate for vulnerable youth and families, a sought out speaker and influential social entrepreneur. On the day of this release August 30. Tory's new book foster comes out. So go get your copy. There's a link in the show notes if you want to use that. Tori and I have a great conversation around her story, the foster care system, working with marginalized and seen everyone for who they truly are, beloved sons and daughters of God. It's a great conversation. I know you're going to enjoy it. So here's Tori. Tori, welcome to the podcasts. I'm so excited for you to join us, Josh, thanks

Tori Hope Petersen: 2:34

so much for having me. Happy to be here.

Joshua Johnson: 2:36

Yeah, that's great. You know, I'd love to you know, you have a new book coming out real soon. You're right on the precipice. How are you feeling about it?

Tori Hope Petersen: 2:46

Oh, I honestly know, really excited. You know, of course you have, I have nervousness, because there are gonna be so many people that know about very intimate parts of my childhood, my adolescence, my adulthood. But at the same time, you know, there's been about 100 people who have already received the book. And, you know, some of those people are complete strangers, and just to hear their unbiased like, reviews and feedback. I'm encouraged, I believe that God is doing something through the book. And that's why I wanted to write it. So overall, I'm excited.

Joshua Johnson: 3:23

That's great. Yeah, I'm excited for it to come out for people to read it to hear your story. And that's, it seems very vulnerable to go and put your story out there. And so, you know, as you've you've walked through a lot of your life and the traumatic things you've walked through, can you just frame for us a little bit of your story so that we could have that as a starting point for for conversation?

Tori Hope Petersen: 3:48

Yeah, so I first went to the foster care system when I was three years old due to a drug bust. But the foster care system did its job, I was reunified with my mom just months later. Then as I got older, my mom's mental illness got worse, the abuse in our home got worse. And so I had to go back into the foster care system as an adolescent. This time, I went in with my sister, and I thought, Okay, this is our chance at a normal life at family I wanted to go to the second time. But that is not how this story wasn't. Me and my sister are separated within a month of being in our first home together and to go move throughout 10 More foster homes until I emancipated day turned 18.

Joshua Johnson: 4:30

Wow. And that's a that's rough, that's a lot of moving as a lot of different places. And it's separation from your sister and separation from others. And I'm sure that a lot of people in your situation would go into self preservation mode that way, you know, you need to protect yourself, because you've been hurt a lot in the past, and you probably want to protect your sister. She's hurts as well. How was that process for you? And was there and what started to break that shell that you could figure out how to trust somebody again?

Tori Hope Petersen: 5:13

You know, I think like the two edged sword, the process, it was a very good thing, but also it's something that I still struggle with. It was that I wanted to prove people wrong. There were a lot of people who said that I was going to be a statistic that said, I was going to be like my mom, and that really scared me. There was a huge part of me that believes that like I didn't know if it was possible to be any other thing, but really didn't want to be and so I was like, I gotta prove people wrong to prove people wrong. But And then that, you know, that's a double edged sword because then you revolve so much around the opinions of other people, which I think I still struggle with. Still, God is still teaching me how to work through that. And so when I think about the process of healing, you know, I used to think that like, there was going to be a moment that I was healed. But really, I'm just always healing. And I don't know, if I'll I don't think I'll be fully healed until I'm eyes to eyes with Jesus in heaven. Yeah.

Joshua Johnson: 6:15

And I think that healing process is, it's, it's long, and it's, it's arduous, you know, I, you know, I haven't been in the foster care system, but I did, my wife and I spent five years working with Syrian refugees in the Middle East. And so working with some displaced people that have lost everything and have lost their home, a lot, a lot of them lost family members, and we're looking for stability and a place. And we're really traumatized. And, you know, one of the things is, we didn't want to re traumatize people as they're, they're sharing their story. How can people in, you know, in the foster system? Together? How can you share stories or get to a place where you could walk through trauma and get healed? Without re traumatizing yourself over and over again?

Tori Hope Petersen: 7:11

Hmm, yeah, that is a really good question. You know, I think I tell people to share from a place of healing, don't share from a place of hurting, there have been times where, you know, on social media, or on a podcast, I have shared something that's kind of that I'm in the midst of Yeah. And it's hurting me then. And when we share out of a place of hurt, it usually can cause hurt to other people. Versus when you share out of a place of healing, it's gonna cause healing for other people. So just create boundaries around what you share, I encourage people to write often, because when we write, we slow down. And it kind of helps us refine the message in a way, that's not just a story that, you know, draws people in or that you know, gains attention, but a story that actually serves people.

Joshua Johnson: 8:10

And so what are you looking for, you know, to serve people with, through sharing your own story.

Tori Hope Petersen: 8:17

You know, there's so many things. And you know, at first, when I wrote the book, I was like, I want to write a book for the kid in foster care who was like me, I want them to know that their loved like that was the message, one of them out there love that there was a purpose and plan for their life that foster care was not the end of the story. And now God has shown me that the story can do so much more than that. And so, you know, people as they've read the book, they said that it's really helped them love people better. Help them love kids who have who come from hard places, it's given them a perspective of foster care and made them want to get involved in some capacity. So I just would hope that, you know, that's what my message does. It reaches people who want to serve but don't know how and equips them to reach people like on the margins and who are often left out.

Joshua Johnson: 9:15

And that's so important. I mean, if you look at who Jesus was, and even at the very beginning, when he announced his ministry, I mean, he was talking about people on the margins, from the very beginning. And that's where he went, and that's who he is for, and that's who he goes after. And if we're really following Jesus, that's what we would be doing as well as we'd be there on the margins with people and how you've been in the middle of it, right? So you've been on the margin yourself. And now you're, you're going after the marginalized and and trying to bring them into family as well and saying, Hey, what does this look like to to heal from it? Oftentimes, what I've seen in the church in the past, and I've seen in different places, we look to the margins as a project, and we don't see people. How can we shift our focus to see people instead of a project?

Tori Hope Petersen: 10:16

Okay, Josh, I'm gonna be totally honest with you. I think this is challenging even for someone who literally grew up marginalized on the margins. Like it's still hard for me like to not see like a certain situation, a mission, a ministry, yeah, as a project. And I think the thing that helps me is that I remind myself that I could have so easily ended up in that person's position. And I know that there's a lot of people can't relate to that as much, but if you really like think of it, you really could like you could have met a friend that got you involved in drugs and alcohol, you could have been in a car accident that was extremely traumatic, like we are all just like a snap away from being like the people that Jesus calls us to serve. And so that's what I try to remember, I try to remember if I was in their shoes, what would I want? How would I want to be viewed, and that really, that keeps me not perfect, in my perspective, and my mission, but I think it keeps me a little bit more focused on the person.

Joshua Johnson: 11:21

That's so good, that, you know, the, hey, let's be in their shoes a little bit. But oftentimes, because, you know, people who are hurt, they lash lash out, and they, you know, as a self protective mode, they're, you know, trying to say, Hey, I'm going to push you away to see if you're actually going to stay or if you're going to be near me, or you're gonna be like, a lot of other people that have left me, right. And so when people lash back at us, how can we continue to pursue others and love people through the mess in the hurts.

Tori Hope Petersen: 12:01

Again, not perfect at this by any means. But something that I always go back to is that you can't make everybody love you. But you can love everybody. So if you are not being supported, continue to support can like continually support that person. If someone is not being kind to you be kind in a way that's shocking, because I think when we do that, you know refines us as believers as disciples, but it also draws people into relationships. So when people lash out at us, when I've lashed out at people, you know, my track coach, he ended up taking me in and bringing me into his home. And I just remember when I lived with him, I would kind of push him away and lash out on him. But he continually pursued me. And so I think that's really, when it comes to anyone who is difficult to try and continue to love them. Love them with boundaries, be kind with boundaries, but just continue on the best way that you can.

Joshua Johnson: 13:07

They just mentioned your track coach. And so I'd love to get into coaching a little bit. I was a college basketball coach for a little while, and I love I love coaching and I think that that sports can do a lot for people to grow and to heal and to, to to move forward. What was that relationship for you and your coach? Like, and how did that that help you? How did the coach help you?

Tori Hope Petersen: 13:36

I met my track coach my sophomore year of high school because I moved homes, which caused me to move schools. And there are people that told him, you know, don't be involved with her. She's a bad kid. Don't like mentor her because he was like, I want to help her. And, um, you know, I think it really started with what I say like he he chose to see me as God saw me not as what the community saw me as this statistic or file. So we built a relationship, just through track and then between my junior and senior year, we ended up getting really close and he told me he's like Troy, I think you can go on to the state track me I think you can win state, which is pretty crazy. Because I've never even been to the state track meet individually. I've been on relay ever been individually. Um, and you know, there was there was a junior who won state. So if I was to win state, I'd be going against a defending state champion. But I was like, Okay, I'm just gonna, like, do what he says. And if nothing happens, I'm just gonna blame him. Because this was his idea anyway. And 10 when he said, I trained with them, and he just became kind of the father figure that I'd always wanted. On my senior track season, he invited me to be a part of his family. And then a few months later, I went on to win the state track meet and all four of the events that I ran. Wow. That's what got me a full ride to college, that I was able to become a part of the 3% of foster youth to graduate college.

Joshua Johnson: 15:07

Wow. And did you just say about 3% of foster youth graduate college? That is a shocking statistic. That's very, very little as you've continued to work and advocate for people within the foster system or foster system, change is there. What are some things that you think that are needed to be able to get more people to a place where they can thrive? And graduate college

Tori Hope Petersen: 15:42

opportunities I had no less opportunities. When I was in high school, I had a phenomenal church that, you know, they would ask me, Tori, do you want to share your testimony. And so I started speaking at a very young age started writing, they offered me an internship at my church, obviously, I got to go to college. And again, that was because of the opportunity of track. And then college opened, you know, a whole new door of opportunities for me, I was able to go on Capitol Hill and advocate for policy to reform the foster care system. And so in all of these different capacities, God was kind of planting seeds, right for what I'm doing now. But it was because my community that people around me were opening up all of these opportunities for me along the way.

Joshua Johnson: 16:29

Wow. And so what's what kind of a community where you live in where people are actually giving you opportunities? So not everybody gets that? So what are the things that have you saw in your community that say, okay, how can we transfer that to other communities?

Tori Hope Petersen: 16:44

Well, my church was very involved in the foster care system. So the leadership were for a lot of elite people in leadership for foster parents, and where they had foster parents is like a foster kids is nieces and nephews, or cousins. And I think that automatically, you when you are in the foster care system, you know, like knee deep, you are educated about what kids need, you're educated about the language and how to not treat those kids differently, how to give them the same opportunities as kids who don't live in the foster care have. So it's very fortunate that I feel like I was in like this perfect incubator that every foster youth should have the opportunity to be in, because of my church. And, you know, I had a lot of mentors. There was one named Tanya, she was like a mother figure to me and my track coach, and they just encouraged me and they're like, they laid out things for me, like, I think you can do this, I think you can do that. They gave me tangible goals that I could accomplish. And you know, I this is like, this is one of the best examples I think I can give is, my community, they like not everyone was certified in foster care, right. And being a foster parent, they used what they had. And they use those things to serve me. So I when I was in the foster care system didn't really know how to do my hair a lot. And there was a woman in my church who she owned a salon. So she had my foster mom, bring me to the salon, and she did my hair for free and taught me I mean, we sat there for like, two, three hours. And she was teaching me like, What conditioner to use, what brush to use, and how to take care of my hair. Um, she wasn't a foster parent, she just had a salon, and then she opened it up. If you look at my track coach, right, he did the same thing. He wasn't certified, he was just a track coach, and he loved the person in front of him.

Joshua Johnson: 18:31

Yeah. Wow. And that's, you know, something that everybody can do. And, you know, we we don't have to be, be special, to be able to love the person in front of us. Like, we just have to be who God created us to be as beloved children of him. And you know, for for a lot of people for you, I would love to hear how you found faith in the midst of this difficult situation that you found yourself in? How did how did God pursue you, and then find relationship with him.

Tori Hope Petersen: 19:09

I had a foster mom who was taking me to church. And I had another foster parent, it was actually the foster home right before hers, they were also taking me to church, they proclaim the name of Jesus, but they did abuse their kids behind closed doors. And so that was very confusing to me. And I'm not saying they weren't Christian. But I'm just saying it was confusing. Yeah. And it made me have a lot of animosity and anger towards God. And I then I told people, I was an atheist. But then I went to my last foster home. And I think what was so compelling was that my foster mom showed me the juxtaposed of that she really had a character of Jesus and sacrificed a lot for me, loved me, changed her lifestyle, so that I could run track and do post secondary. And I saw that. And I felt like God wanted to teach me that, you know, you can proclaim the name of Jesus. And you can draw people towards him by walking out his character as consistently as we can, as fallen people, or we can proclaim His name, and we can be inconsistent and have a jaded character, and that's going to pull people away from him. And he's the most healing thing that I've ever encountered. And so I was very grateful that he kind of gave me this contrast of what walking in faith could look like. And then you know, she was taking me to church. I was learning about how God was my father, I always wanted a father. I was kind of mad at God, even though I was an atheist, I was mad at him because he didn't give me a father. And I realized through sermons and worship that God was my father, he was the father that I was waiting for that filled every gap and hole that no earthly father could have. And he loves me and protected me and prepared me and no way that I could have been by anyone on Earth.

Joshua Johnson: 21:20

And so you're looking at at somebody, you know, which God is father and Father God that would say, your mind, I love you, I'm going to be with you. He's speaking life over you. And through you, if seems to be, you know, that thing, that father, heart of God, is the thing that started to put you on a different track. Is that right?

Tori Hope Petersen: 21:48

Oh, absolutely, you know, for probably two years, and I'm sorry for anyone who's a theologian and think this is really bad. But probably for two years, I didn't understand that, like, God, you know, like Christ came and saved me for my sins, like, I understood, like Christ came and saved me so that he could be my father and my friend. And, as I, you know, got older and grew in my faith. You know, I fully understand I did not fully understand the capacity of my son. But I now understand that, you know, that's a huge part of why Jesus came. But for me for so long. It was really that God was my father. And he had kind of plucked me out of this place of not belonging, and said, you know, there are people who might not want you in their home, there are people who don't text you back, or people don't want to relationship with you. But I've built a room for you in a kingdom, and that trumps anything, and everything where people don't want me.

Joshua Johnson: 22:55

Wow, that's beautiful. And that's something where, you know, a lot of times, even at the very beginning, a transactional, a Jesus came to die for my sins. A lot of it is is mental assent. Sometimes since I yeah, I actually believe that. I know that that's great. Okay. But the actually pursuing suing a child from a father's heart is actually something that's transformational, because it seems to be an encounter that God starts to encounter you and that you can encounter God, instead of you could know about God, there's that the difference between encounter and knowing, and I think that even, you know, walking with people within the in the system, you could tell them all the knowledge that they need to change, move to grow to heal. But if there's no encounter, and there's no pursuit of love with somebody, there seems to be a lack of transformation.

Tori Hope Petersen: 24:04

Yes, and I can resonate with that so much. I love that that's the way you explain it. Because I was kind of a bully, and I'm not kind of I was bullied in high school. Yeah, I was one of those hurt people who just went about her. And people, you know, just spoke mean words over people for no reason. And when I encountered Jesus and understood his love for me and his people, I was like, Oh, my gosh, I'm causing so much hurt in people's lives. And I, I remember, I put out this like, this YouTube video of flashcards, and I was telling people, I wanted to make it public. Like I wanted to proclaim that I was going to be nice, and I wanted to change like, I wanted Christ to transform.

Joshua Johnson: 24:47

Wow, that's great. And I think that what's what's transformational right there is that you've you saw yourself differently from maybe victim to Child of God, right? And so a lot of times we construct our own identity out of the lies that we believe, or from the culture around us or the enemy that speaks to us, or situation right, instead of receiving our identity from God, so that we can start to live into who we truly are, and we can live into the purpose that God has given us. Here, how do we how have you seen that you move from a constructed identity from what was around you to that received identity from God.

Tori Hope Petersen: 25:37

You know, worship was a place of just there's a lot of clarity for me in worship, and there still is, in understanding my identity. And one of my favorite worship songs that my church saying often was no longer slaves. And it said, I'm no longer a slave to fear. I'm a child of God, and another lyric, and that is you split the C, so I could walk right through it. And I really feel like that's what God did, right? Like he split a C, so I could walk right through it, I should be a statistic, I should like, I like the statistics, I should be in jail, dead. Like, my kids should be in foster care, they say all the things, yet God made a way for me to just walk right through the sea, so that I could find him. And so that I can be where I am now. And, you know, I think there are so many so much confusion around my identity when I was younger, I'm black and white people can't see me, it's, it's a podcast, but I'm a mixed person never felt like I belong to either community. And then, you know, as I got out of marginalized community, you don't really belong among the vulnerable, but you don't really belong on the privilege because you make them uncomfortable, because I came from a vulnerable background. And then just just oh, you know, always kind of having this thing of like, I don't belong in a home, but always going back to like, God welcomes me into the kingdom, and he calls me a child of God, like, it's really, I really have to practice it, I still have to practice it. But the more I practice it, the more peace I have, in the confusion of not belonging.

Joshua Johnson: 27:25

Wow. And I think that's everybody who hears that if you could practice and you could hear that you are a child of God, that he pursues you, he knows you, He loves you. He's like, the father and the prodigal son story that, you know, he sees his son far off, and he runs after him, and gives him that rope and the the ring, and he, you know, he parties, welcome some home. Right? Has Has his child no matter what. And that's so beautiful. You know, one of the things that, you know, that I've seen often is, you know, as you've said, in the past, you know, hurt people hurt people, and they're and so that's part of I think, generational trauma, is that when you know, when parents abuse, children, children, those children grow up, and they start to abuse because hurt people hurt people. And you've gotten to this, this place where you've started to form a different identity, and start to break some of that trauma. And so what is it for you, as somebody who has their own family now? What does it look like to live in a different place where the generations past don't have to define the generation that is now

Tori Hope Petersen: 28:51

well, hurt people hurt people, but heal people help heal people. And that's what I try and remember, especially as a mom, because I am a wife, because I want my family to be different than family I grew up in, I want us to walk out the character that Jesus walked out, and I want us to love others. And so I think that, you know, engaging in your own healing is really important. That's what I tried to do. Whether that's therapy or being in community, you know, there are a lot of people who are very angry at the church, the church has heard a lot of people and that is very real. But we cannot escape the goodness of the church, we can't escape the goodness of being held accountable of the checks and balances in the church, we can't escape being held to that high standard of morale. And people loving us and encouraging us. And so for me, I always want to keep me and my family in the church. I want to keep us around a community that can uplift us that can call us out and that can encourage us.

Joshua Johnson: 30:06

That's great. And you're right there within community. It's good. So what does it look like? How is your your husband dealing with all of this? And I'm sure you found a great one, to be able to walk with you in in all of this.

Tori Hope Petersen: 30:24

Yeah, he just made an amazing post today. I was blown away when I read it. But you know, I feel like I can share because he shared it so publicly. And it's not something that I've really shared anywhere because I've always felt like it's his story to tell it's his testimony. And there's so much power when we get to share our testimony. So I've always wanted to create that space for him. But he talks about how, you know, in the beginning, he wasn't really supportive of what I was doing, of kind of, you know, uplifting other people stepping into ministry, sharing my story more. And he said that because he, he felt like to be a leader, you know, a biblical what, what, what the Bible has said a leader to be, he felt like I had to follow him in his work. But he also felt confused about what his work was. And so, and just encouraging me and in my work, it's been really cool because he has found out what he loves. He loves foster care. He loves community, he's stepped into a space that he just flourishes. And he's a phenomenal dad, you know, I'm on this podcast right now. And he's with the kids. And I couldn't do anything that I do without my husband. He's my biggest support. And he's made up for you know, all the times that he was like, I don't know about this. She has just supported me really on endlessly.

Joshua Johnson: 31:57

Yeah, and I am sure that uh, that is very deep, because people haven't seen it. But you know, when I mentioned your husband, you lit up like you haven't. This whole conversation, it was a, it was a huge smile. He's looks like that you really love him. And you're very thankful to God for me, it's, I'm sure a gift. And you know, there's a lot of times when, you know, we've we've, we go through trials, and we go through difficult difficult seasons in our life. And we walk through these things, and we start so realize that we are we believe start to believe, not realize, but believe that we're not enough. And we're and that we don't deserve any gifts from God, that, but he wants to give us good things. He is a good God. And so he wants to give us those things. When did you start being able to receive good gifts from God? Hmm.

Tori Hope Petersen: 33:05

You know, that is such an interesting question. Because I feel like, for a really long time, even after I was saved, in one hand, I held on to God's grace and God's love. And I knew that I was a beloved child of God. But on the other hand, I held on to I'm not enough. God loves me, but no one on earth does so doesn't really count. And it really like Not until the last like year, I have really stopped holding on to the other hand that says I'm not enough. And again, I think that comes from being in a community that can call me out in truth that can say, give me like constructive criticism, but still love me deeply and never leaves me and had been having the same thing in a family and in a husband.

Joshua Johnson: 34:13

That's good. So how do we get that? I think that in a lot of communities, if you don't actually help people call people out in truth and love people the same time, you don't create safe spaces where people can start to be open and honest and vulnerable and real. And say, Hey, I'm not okay. And I need help. And people say, I'm gonna love you anyways, even though you're not okay. I mean, I remember I was in an a discipleship group, and I was a senior in high school. And I, I confessed some sin in my life. And the the men that were with me, were boys, I should say, because there was, they were boys. They looked at me like I was the worst person in the world. And they didn't say it, you know? So it felt like after that. I didn't want to be open, and honest and vulnerable with people. I thought I had a safe space. How do we create that community in that safe space where people can be open and honest, because if we don't, if we're not vulnerable, if we can't share our story, truthfully, we're not going to be able to move forward and heal as a community. We're going to have all of these, these lies or half truths spoken. And it's, it's going to be not whole. So how can we?

Tori Hope Petersen: 35:35

That is so real because I think that that is a problem, right? That's a problem that the church faces right now. We'd think that to be in a position of ministry, to walk with the Lord in any way, you got to be perfect and polished and poised. So people hold back and they're not truly vulnerable. And so I think that, you know, of course, there are character standards for, you know, being in leadership. But when it comes to just being a member of the church, I do think that we, we do need to walk in the idea that all are welcome, everyone is welcome in the body of Christ into the kingdom of heaven. And I think when people tell us things, we need to think about something that that I say often is, we need to practice our reactions. And I say that because my husband and I got pregnant before marriage, and we went to a very conservative college is actually coined the most conservative college in the nation. And, you know, I, I had no doubt about giving my child life. My mom gave me life in very difficult circumstances, I was conceived that of abuse, both for parents had passed away. And I'm have always been so grateful for my mom, despite all the hardship. And so I was, you know, there was no doubt that I was going to walk that out, and then to be around people who also proclaim those same beliefs, but then reacted so poorly to me, that was very difficult. And, you know, they didn't need to celebrate the sin, they didn't need to condone sin, they didn't need to celebrate the life, the very real life that was in me, there are people that literally told me not to talk about it. And so I think that it being my baby, like people told me not to talk about my movie. And so I think, you know, practice your reaction, you know, that maybe the most Christian girl whose I was the leader of Bible studies, who's the leader of your Bible study is gonna tell you something really hard. And you have to practice how are you going to walk in love with her?

Joshua Johnson: 37:45

That's good. And that's, it's so helpful to be able to practice those reactions. That means that, you know, practice actually is very helpful to practice. So if I want to do something, maybe I should have conversations with my wife and practice some reaction. So that when I do get into situations like that, I actually can react in a better way. Oftentimes, I think, we don't practice. It's just like, in sports, right? And track, you have to go and you have to practice and you have to run and you have to make sure you have proper form. And you're, you know, you're making sure that the moves are correct. And if you didn't practice, you know, when you actually had your meat, it wouldn't go so well. Right. And so I think even in this situation, I think practice is really helpful. And it's good. What's, so if you can go go back, if you can talk about the foster care system, as a system as a whole. Oftentimes, we look at, you know, the end problem and try to put a bandaid on it. But if we step back and go all the way back upstream, what are some of the things that we can do on the back end, to create some something better than what we have now?

Tori Hope Petersen: 39:12

Yes, you're so right, we do put a bandaid on things. That's how I usually word it. And I think some things that we can do first, I think the first thing that everyone can do, no matter what resources you have, no matter who you are, as we can all change the way we see, the foster care system is viewed as this big, scary thing that we can't step into. But the reality is we have the Holy Spirit that literally dwells within us, which means we can step into the most brokenness of places and bring healing to them. And we need to change the way we see foster foster youth, because people view them. You know, there's a lot of soundbites, stigma and stereotypes that go along with being a foster kid. And that affects those kids because kids are malleable, the way we see them affects the way they see themselves. And so if we just change the way we see, it's going to first push us in to into the way that we need to be involved. But it's also going to help kids see themselves more as God sees them, which again, is like the most healing thing that we can offer children in foster care. And if you want to get really, really practical, you know, caseworkers are overwhelmed, overworked. caseworkers have a very hard job. They do a second hand trauma, all the time taking children out of abusive and neglectful homes, and there really needs to be more support around around caseworker shops.

Joshua Johnson: 40:40

That's great to be able to think about that as well. You know, set Gonna have trauma and help caseworkers, when you have the experience that secondhand trauma, that probably means that the next case work that you have, or the next case that you have, you may not be responding in a, in a way that is very helpful, because you're reacting out of another trauma. And so I think, yeah, that's great to be able to heal that to be able to see if the children in the foster care system. Are there are there anything? There? I know that we probably can't correct all abuses from foster care parents. But are there some things that we could do to help eliminate some of those and actually create safer spaces for foster care children?

Tori Hope Petersen: 41:42

Yeah, you know, I think it really starts against my we'd all do is just educate ourselves on what are the signs of kids being abused and neglected, you know, often isolation, if kids aren't coming to school as much as other kids in the parent is constantly making excuses for that kid coming, not coming to school. Um, if that kid is often quote, unquote, sick, you know, we should be concerned if a kid is always sick. And we should also be concerned if that is a lie or not. And there were so many times that my mom pulled me out of school, because I was quote, unquote, sick when actually had like bruises and scratches in places that a shirt cannot cover. And so I think we really have to educate on our ourselves on the signs. And if we do see something that is suspicious, we need to really look into it. The first teacher that ever said anything, I was in the eighth grade, and there were, and that's what sent me into the foster care system that second time around. But there were many times that I remember, I would like, lift my shirt up, and you can see bruises on my ribs, because I was just hoping that someone would say something. And I know that there were people who noticed, but they chose not to say anything.

Joshua Johnson: 42:57

Yeah. And it seems scary to say something. And it's because you don't know what it is, what are some. So for somebody that wants to practice, being able to say something, how can we practice? What are some things that I could can say? That's that? I don't know, how can I practice? How can I do that? In a way? That's helpful?

Tori Hope Petersen: 43:24

Yeah, I think that asking good questions is a really good start. And so if there is a kid in your space that may have signs of abuse and neglect, just building our relationship first with them by asking questions, and then you can start to ask questions like, What is your home life? Like? What is your mommy do? What is your daddy? Do? You really questions that are pretty ordinary, but my spur and answer that tells us what the kid situation actually is. And even it's hard in that situation, because they're, you know, when I was in the foster care system, and I know there are plenty of kids that are told this now, it's, you know, don't tell anybody that we do that. There's a lot of secrets in homes that where abuse and neglect is. But I think the more questions we ask, the more the more that is revealed.

Joshua Johnson: 44:15

That's good. Yeah, there's a lot of things that come down to asking good questions. And so that's one of the things that we really need to learn. There's a couple questions that I have, as far as asking questions at the very end here. One, I usually ask if you could go back to your 21 year old self, what advice would you give, but I want you to go back a little bit further, like when you're 1718. So for you as a in the foster care system? What advice would you give yourself? Back then,

Tori Hope Petersen: 44:50

I think when I was 18, after I won state, I would say you can start proving people wrong now. Because I just have really revolved a lot of my life around that. And right now God is teaching me that he defends me, and that he proves me through his power and through his strength, not my own, and that he is glorified and my weakness. And I think that you know, proving people wrong when I was 18. And when I won state like that, that got me to that point, and I think it was a good like a good healthy thing. But I think the more that it's kind of played out in my life, it's, it hurt me because there are a lot of times you know, just being very candid and very honest that I can be doing things for myself or I can be doing things for someone else and not for the glory of God, which is really why I want to wait really what what I want to do.

Joshua Johnson: 45:53

Mm hmm. Yeah, that's so good. And I think we all have to, to do some self analysis and to be aware of where do our motivations lie and doing something out of trying to prove yourself to other people, as well can can get into unhealthy places that can have lasting hurt. That's so good. Great advice. Anything you've been reading or watching lately that you could recommend?

Tori Hope Petersen: 46:24

Yeah, I've been watching, or I've been reading Shawna Nyquist called tangerines. And she's just a very candid, fun author. She just writes little vignettes that give life lessons. And it's just kind of like, you know, like, at the end of the day, when you want to go veg out on Netflix, I've tried, I love doing that. I've tried not to do that as much. I've tried to just go to like a good fun read. And Shannon Nyquist has been my girl.

Joshua Johnson: 46:55

Nice, cold tangerines, that's good. So tell me about your book, where can people find it? And anything else? How can people connect with you? Anything else you have coming out?

Tori Hope Petersen: 47:08

Yes, you can order fostered on Amazon, Barnes and Noble Walmart, Target wherever your favorite retailer is. And, yeah, that's, that's the thing that's happening. And I would be so grateful if people supported me, and that it has been truly incredible to see the support around it already. And I'm very thankful for everyone who has yet to support me. And

Joshua Johnson: 47:34

that's good. So everybody run out and get fostered. It'd be a great read, and then be something that you can probably give to other people as well, too. So don't just buy one copy for yourself, buy multiple copies and give them away and let people to read it be inspired. And to get involved in the foster care system and help your church get involved as well so that we could actually see people for who they truly are, which are all children of God, their Beloved's their loves, and they are all uniquely made, and the God has known them since they've been together in their mother's womb. And so they are known. And so I just pray that as you go out, you read this, you start to engage and to see people for who they truly are. Satori. Thank you so much. It was a great conversation. I loved it. So I really appreciate you jumping on and doing this. And I wish you all the success with fostered and so thank you so much.

Tori Hope Petersen: 48:37

Thank you so much. God bless you.