{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":0.06,"endTime":3.72,"body":"The self"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":0.06,"endTime":3.72,"body":"preservation instinct that's at"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":3.72,"endTime":8.82,"body":"work in all of us says, no, no,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":3.72,"endTime":8.82,"body":"don't do it. Don't do it. And"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":8.94,"endTime":13.8,"body":"and the impulse to love says,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":8.94,"endTime":13.8,"body":"Yeah, but presence, connection,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":13.8,"endTime":18.66,"body":"belonging, this is where your"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":13.8,"endTime":18.66,"body":"most meaningful life will always"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":18.66,"endTime":20.36,"body":"be found. You. Music."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":33.14,"endTime":34.94,"body":"Hello and"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":33.14,"endTime":34.94,"body":"welcome to the shifting culture"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":34.94,"endTime":37.22,"body":"podcast in which we have"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":34.94,"endTime":37.22,"body":"conversations about the culture"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":37.22,"endTime":40.6,"body":"we create and the impact we can"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":37.22,"endTime":40.6,"body":"make. We long to see the body of"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":40.6,"endTime":45.52,"body":"Christ, look like Jesus. I'm"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":40.6,"endTime":45.52,"body":"your host. Joshua Johnson, we've"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":45.52,"endTime":48.82,"body":"all been through loss. I know"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":45.52,"endTime":48.82,"body":"I've been paralyzed to keep"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":48.82,"endTime":53.74,"body":"going, to continue to risk, to"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":48.82,"endTime":53.74,"body":"open myself up to love again. So"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":53.74,"endTime":57.64,"body":"how do we move past paralysis"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":53.74,"endTime":57.64,"body":"and risk again? Well, in this"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":57.64,"endTime":61.14,"body":"episode, Stephanie Duncan Smith"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":57.64,"endTime":61.14,"body":"takes us on a profound journey"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":61.44,"endTime":64.62,"body":"through grief, loss and the"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":61.44,"endTime":64.62,"body":"resilience required to open"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":64.62,"endTime":68.7,"body":"ourselves up to love again. She"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":64.62,"endTime":68.7,"body":"beautifully weaves together"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":68.7,"endTime":73.02,"body":"themes of time, the liturgical"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":68.7,"endTime":73.02,"body":"calendar and the radical empathy"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":73.02,"endTime":76.74,"body":"of a God who meets us in every"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":73.02,"endTime":76.74,"body":"moment, whether joyful or"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":76.74,"endTime":80.54,"body":"sorrowful. Stephanie shares her"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":76.74,"endTime":80.54,"body":"own experiences with pregnancy"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":80.54,"endTime":83.78,"body":"loss and how she grappled with"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":80.54,"endTime":83.78,"body":"the dissonance of everyday life"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":83.78,"endTime":87.44,"body":"and the world's expectations in"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":83.78,"endTime":87.44,"body":"the midst of her grief, she"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":87.44,"endTime":91.52,"body":"redefines resilience, not as"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":87.44,"endTime":91.52,"body":"overcoming, but as the ability"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":91.52,"endTime":95.18,"body":"to hold joy and sorrow together,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":91.52,"endTime":95.18,"body":"to live in the uncomfortable"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":95.18,"endTime":99.2,"body":"tension. This conversation as a"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":95.18,"endTime":99.2,"body":"master class in finding hope,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":99.38,"endTime":103.54,"body":"courage and the freedom to feel"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":99.38,"endTime":103.54,"body":"the full range of human emotion"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":103.78,"endTime":108.1,"body":"even in the darkest of times."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":103.78,"endTime":108.1,"body":"Stephanie's words offer a path"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":108.1,"endTime":111.4,"body":"forward for anyone who has"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":108.1,"endTime":111.4,"body":"experienced profound loss and a"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":111.4,"endTime":116.26,"body":"reminder that love is always"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":111.4,"endTime":116.26,"body":"worth a risk. So join us. Here"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":116.5,"endTime":119.5,"body":"is my conversation with"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":116.5,"endTime":119.5,"body":"Stephanie. Duncan Smith,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":119.68,"endTime":123.36,"body":"Stephanie, welcome to shifting"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":119.68,"endTime":123.36,"body":"culture. Excited to have you on"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":123.36,"endTime":125.22,"body":"thank you so much for joining"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":123.36,"endTime":125.22,"body":"me."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":125.64,"endTime":127.26,"body":"Excited"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":125.64,"endTime":127.26,"body":"to be here. Thank you."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":127.86,"endTime":130.74,"body":"Yeah, I'd love"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":127.86,"endTime":130.74,"body":"to know what your journey was in"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":130.74,"endTime":134.88,"body":"your own life, moving from"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":130.74,"endTime":134.88,"body":"feeling like you should feel"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":134.88,"endTime":138.54,"body":"certain things in your life into"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":134.88,"endTime":138.54,"body":"a place of giving yourself"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":138.54,"endTime":142.4,"body":"permission, or feeling like you"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":138.54,"endTime":142.4,"body":"have permission from God to feel"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":142.4,"endTime":144.62,"body":"what you actually feel. I"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":144.62,"endTime":147.02,"body":"am an"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":144.62,"endTime":147.02,"body":"Enneagram four, which, if you're"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":147.02,"endTime":152.24,"body":"an Enneagram person, you know"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":147.02,"endTime":152.24,"body":"that the four is often known as"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":152.24,"endTime":157.04,"body":"the individualist, and they're"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":152.24,"endTime":157.04,"body":"often deep feelers. So feeling"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":157.04,"endTime":163.84,"body":"has never been a problem for me."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":157.04,"endTime":163.84,"body":"Um, you know, to the contrary,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":163.84,"endTime":167.56,"body":"it's often like, okay, you can"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":163.84,"endTime":167.56,"body":"move through those emotions and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":167.56,"endTime":172.42,"body":"then maybe find a place for them"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":167.56,"endTime":172.42,"body":"to just chill for a little bit,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":173.02,"endTime":176.44,"body":"um, and come back to reality."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":173.02,"endTime":176.44,"body":"Stay tethered to reality. So,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":176.5,"endTime":182.46,"body":"but I think what you're asking"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":176.5,"endTime":182.46,"body":"is, how did I find in in myself,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":182.46,"endTime":186.3,"body":"the permission to experience the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":182.46,"endTime":186.3,"body":"fullness of those emotions,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":186.3,"endTime":192.9,"body":"maybe when they were so intense,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":186.3,"endTime":192.9,"body":"at the deepest low of my own"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":192.9,"endTime":196.08,"body":"experience, when the feelings"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":192.9,"endTime":196.08,"body":"were really intense, I don't"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":196.14,"endTime":199.74,"body":"really feel that I had a choice."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":196.14,"endTime":199.74,"body":"Denial was certainly not a"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":199.74,"endTime":205.04,"body":"choice, because that felt"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":199.74,"endTime":205.04,"body":"invalidating to me and my pain."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":205.34,"endTime":209.72,"body":"It was very painful to stay in"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":205.34,"endTime":209.72,"body":"that place of grief and sadness"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":209.72,"endTime":216.14,"body":"and sorrow, but I think I felt"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":209.72,"endTime":216.14,"body":"that the alternative of putting"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":216.14,"endTime":222.1,"body":"that all aside would be actually"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":216.14,"endTime":222.1,"body":"even more painful. So for me, I"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":222.1,"endTime":225.22,"body":"just it didn't feel like much of"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":222.1,"endTime":225.22,"body":"a choice."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":225.28,"endTime":227.62,"body":"So when you're"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":225.28,"endTime":227.62,"body":"feeling that, that deep level of"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":227.62,"endTime":231.28,"body":"pain, like the the fullness of"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":227.62,"endTime":231.28,"body":"your your feelings, where did"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":231.28,"endTime":236.62,"body":"you feel God present with you in"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":231.28,"endTime":236.62,"body":"the midst of pain and grief and"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":236.62,"endTime":237.34,"body":"struggle,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":238.0,"endTime":241.8,"body":"I felt,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":238.0,"endTime":241.8,"body":"and I had to fight to feel this,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":242.1,"endTime":247.8,"body":"but I I felt ultimately that it"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":242.1,"endTime":247.8,"body":"was just God's presence with me"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":247.8,"endTime":253.38,"body":"in the pain, and not just the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":247.8,"endTime":253.38,"body":"presence with but the actually,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":253.38,"endTime":260.22,"body":"I felt God's love through the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":253.38,"endTime":260.22,"body":"resistance to try and Explain"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":260.22,"endTime":268.1,"body":"and try and oh, well, it wasn't"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":260.22,"endTime":268.1,"body":"that bad, or somehow paper over,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":268.1,"endTime":274.16,"body":"justify, dismiss what I was"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":268.1,"endTime":274.16,"body":"going through. And I'll never"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":274.16,"endTime":280.48,"body":"forget there was a moment for"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":274.16,"endTime":280.48,"body":"me. And you know, I'm speaking"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":280.48,"endTime":284.44,"body":"from the experience of pregnancy"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":280.48,"endTime":284.44,"body":"loss, there was a moment for me"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":284.5,"endTime":291.94,"body":"when our loss was very fresh and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":284.5,"endTime":291.94,"body":"my grief was very strong, and we"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":291.94,"endTime":297.1,"body":"were at a family gathering, and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":291.94,"endTime":297.1,"body":"I just, I just could not engage"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":297.28,"endTime":302.7,"body":"the levity OF THE. Group, and I"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":297.28,"endTime":302.7,"body":"wanted to be present, and I"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":302.7,"endTime":306.06,"body":"wanted to be with family, and I,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":302.7,"endTime":306.06,"body":"you know, there were kids"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":306.06,"endTime":308.94,"body":"running around outside, and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":306.06,"endTime":308.94,"body":"there was a bonfire and s'mores,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":309.0,"endTime":313.2,"body":"and it would have been lovely,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":309.0,"endTime":313.2,"body":"and it all felt like a farce to"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":313.2,"endTime":317.94,"body":"me, because no one really knew."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":313.2,"endTime":317.94,"body":"I wasn't really talking about"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":317.94,"endTime":323.54,"body":"it, besides my immediate family."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":317.94,"endTime":323.54,"body":"And it the burden of pretense"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":323.54,"endTime":329.3,"body":"for me felt too much in that"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":323.54,"endTime":329.3,"body":"time. And I'll never forget, my"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":329.3,"endTime":334.46,"body":"mom was seeing my grief, and she"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":329.3,"endTime":334.46,"body":"said, Do you want to just sit by"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":334.46,"endTime":338.3,"body":"the fire? So we we went and sat"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":334.46,"endTime":338.3,"body":"by the fire. Nobody else was"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":338.3,"endTime":344.32,"body":"there. And instead of trying to"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":338.3,"endTime":344.32,"body":"fix instead of trying to summon"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":344.32,"endTime":349.18,"body":"up some kind of reason, instead"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":344.32,"endTime":349.18,"body":"of trying to prescribe a"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":349.18,"endTime":357.76,"body":"solution, she just listened, and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":349.18,"endTime":357.76,"body":"I could almost see the muscles"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":357.76,"endTime":362.76,"body":"at work in her restraint In not"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":357.76,"endTime":362.76,"body":"doing those things, but it meant"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":362.76,"endTime":367.5,"body":"the world to me, and I think I"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":362.76,"endTime":367.5,"body":"ultimately felt loved and cared"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":367.5,"endTime":374.88,"body":"for by God in that with this, in"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":367.5,"endTime":374.88,"body":"my pain that came without any"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":374.88,"endTime":380.66,"body":"kind of shoulding or, you know,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":374.88,"endTime":380.66,"body":"well, just try This and you'll"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":380.66,"endTime":384.2,"body":"feel better. It wasn't when I"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":380.66,"endTime":384.2,"body":"needed I just needed present."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":384.32,"endTime":386.84,"body":"My spiritual"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":384.32,"endTime":386.84,"body":"director constantly tells me he"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":386.84,"endTime":388.76,"body":"shouldn't shit on yourself,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":386.84,"endTime":388.76,"body":"right?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":390.08,"endTime":390.86,"body":"Good advice."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":391.28,"endTime":393.56,"body":"That's really"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":391.28,"endTime":393.56,"body":"good advice. You know, when we,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":393.98,"endTime":399.14,"body":"I mean, my wife and I lost a"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":393.98,"endTime":399.14,"body":"baby, and in pregnancy as well."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":399.56,"endTime":405.52,"body":"And you know, right after, like"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":399.56,"endTime":405.52,"body":"the day after it happens, we, we"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":405.52,"endTime":409.54,"body":"had to be in a wedding. We had"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":405.52,"endTime":409.54,"body":"to celebrate. You know, there's"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":409.72,"endTime":415.72,"body":"all sorts of of dissonance that"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":409.72,"endTime":415.72,"body":"you feel when there is a where's"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":415.78,"endTime":419.92,"body":"there's joy in the midst of"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":415.78,"endTime":419.92,"body":"this, what you were, you were"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":419.92,"endTime":423.06,"body":"feeling everybody, you know,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":419.92,"endTime":423.06,"body":"running around feeling this joy."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":423.12,"endTime":427.44,"body":"I was at a wedding. We were, you"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":423.12,"endTime":427.44,"body":"know, this is a joyful moment of"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":427.5,"endTime":431.34,"body":"two people coming together in"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":427.5,"endTime":431.34,"body":"love, yeah, and then on the, you"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":431.34,"endTime":434.94,"body":"know, underneath everything, you"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":431.34,"endTime":434.94,"body":"feel this grief and this loss"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":434.94,"endTime":439.92,"body":"and this pain. How do you deal"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":434.94,"endTime":439.92,"body":"with the dissonance of everyday"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":439.92,"endTime":442.46,"body":"life and the world around us,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":443.12,"endTime":445.82,"body":"yeah,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":443.12,"endTime":445.82,"body":"well, I'm so sorry for your"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":445.82,"endTime":449.54,"body":"loss. And I I think dissonance"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":445.82,"endTime":449.54,"body":"is just the word, and it's"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":449.54,"endTime":453.5,"body":"familiar to anyone who's gone"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":449.54,"endTime":453.5,"body":"through any kind of loss or"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":453.5,"endTime":457.1,"body":"grief and had to figure out how"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":453.5,"endTime":457.1,"body":"to live their Tilly life,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":457.58,"endTime":463.36,"body":"speaking from my experience of"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":457.58,"endTime":463.36,"body":"pregnancy loss. So for us, our"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":463.36,"endTime":468.1,"body":"first pregnancy we lost during"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":463.36,"endTime":468.1,"body":"Advent. It was the week before"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":468.1,"endTime":473.08,"body":"Christmas, and that added insult"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":468.1,"endTime":473.08,"body":"to injury for me personally,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":473.08,"endTime":479.62,"body":"because, of course, Advent is a"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":473.08,"endTime":479.62,"body":"preparatory season toward really"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":479.62,"endTime":484.26,"body":"the ultimate birth pregnancy and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":479.62,"endTime":484.26,"body":"birth narrative that is the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":484.26,"endTime":490.02,"body":"hinge of history. So I felt I"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":484.26,"endTime":490.02,"body":"could not participate in that"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":490.02,"endTime":494.1,"body":"celebration. I could not"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":490.02,"endTime":494.1,"body":"anticipate in that anticipation,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":494.22,"endTime":499.8,"body":"honestly and and I think what"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":494.22,"endTime":499.8,"body":"makes it especially difficult"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":500.1,"endTime":506.3,"body":"with pregnancy loss is there's a"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":500.1,"endTime":506.3,"body":"it's often shrouded in secrecy"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":506.3,"endTime":512.66,"body":"or even stigma, and I don't"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":506.3,"endTime":512.66,"body":"believe whatsoever that anyone"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":512.66,"endTime":515.6,"body":"is ever obligated to share"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":512.66,"endTime":515.6,"body":"what's going on with them"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":515.6,"endTime":518.84,"body":"personally and what burdens"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":515.6,"endTime":518.84,"body":"they're carrying. No one, no one"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":518.84,"endTime":522.04,"body":"needs share that. But what's"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":518.84,"endTime":522.04,"body":"really hard? I mean, you're"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":522.04,"endTime":525.16,"body":"welcome to if it makes you feel"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":522.04,"endTime":525.16,"body":"better, but you never have to."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":525.64,"endTime":529.06,"body":"But pregnancy loss, it's, um,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":525.64,"endTime":529.06,"body":"you know, it's, it's personal,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":529.12,"endTime":534.4,"body":"and there are good reasons not"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":529.12,"endTime":534.4,"body":"to share. But I just remember"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":534.64,"endTime":539.38,"body":"the going back to work after"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":534.64,"endTime":539.38,"body":"after Christmas, and everybody's"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":539.38,"endTime":545.4,"body":"like, how is your Christmas and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":539.38,"endTime":545.4,"body":"and it just there. I mean, what"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":545.4,"endTime":552.18,"body":"a lovely, kind question. And I"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":545.4,"endTime":552.18,"body":"was flummoxed as to how to what"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":552.18,"endTime":556.74,"body":"felt like me, pretend what what"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":552.18,"endTime":556.74,"body":"it felt like to me. So I often,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":557.28,"endTime":561.32,"body":"I think I write this in the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":557.28,"endTime":561.32,"body":"book, but to me, the loss is the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":561.32,"endTime":567.8,"body":"first grief and the pretense is"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":561.32,"endTime":567.8,"body":"the second, and that day to day,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":567.8,"endTime":572.24,"body":"how do you, yeah, just go about"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":567.8,"endTime":572.24,"body":"your life carrying such weight."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":572.66,"endTime":577.22,"body":"I think it can help to determine"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":572.66,"endTime":577.22,"body":"what's best for you. Some some"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":577.22,"endTime":581.56,"body":"of our family asked me, What"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":577.22,"endTime":581.56,"body":"would help you right now? Do you"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":581.56,"endTime":586.66,"body":"want to talk about it, or do you"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":581.56,"endTime":586.66,"body":"not? And they let me steer that"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":586.66,"endTime":591.52,"body":"and decide, and that was really"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":586.66,"endTime":591.52,"body":"valuable and meaningful. I think"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":591.52,"endTime":595.0,"body":"also, you know you don't have"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":591.52,"endTime":595.0,"body":"to. You never have to share your"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":595.0,"endTime":599.92,"body":"personal pain with anyone, but"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":595.0,"endTime":599.92,"body":"having a few safer."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":600.0,"endTime":604.8,"body":"Relationships that can hold it"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":600.0,"endTime":604.8,"body":"with you is, is really"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":605.76,"endTime":609.66,"body":"sustaining and stabilizing when"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":605.76,"endTime":609.66,"body":"you need it most, so you don't"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":609.66,"endTime":614.88,"body":"have to share with everyone, but"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":609.66,"endTime":614.88,"body":"having just a few people who see"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":614.88,"endTime":619.56,"body":"you in your pain, I think, is,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":614.88,"endTime":619.56,"body":"is really such a gift. And then"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":619.56,"endTime":622.76,"body":"I think just do what you need to"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":619.56,"endTime":622.76,"body":"do to take care of yourself. And"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":622.76,"endTime":626.0,"body":"if that means, you know what,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":622.76,"endTime":626.0,"body":"right now, you need to go see a"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":626.0,"endTime":629.78,"body":"silly movie in the theater. You"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":626.0,"endTime":629.78,"body":"need to just step out of your"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":629.78,"endTime":633.32,"body":"life for a minute. Or maybe it"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":629.78,"endTime":633.32,"body":"means, yeah, you need to go deep"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":633.32,"endTime":636.68,"body":"and journal and put on some"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":633.32,"endTime":636.68,"body":"music and kind of get in a space"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":636.68,"endTime":639.8,"body":"where you can confront what's"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":636.68,"endTime":639.8,"body":"going on. But the main thing is,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":639.86,"endTime":643.66,"body":"is a mindset, and that is that"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":639.86,"endTime":643.66,"body":"whatever, whatever pain you're"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":643.66,"endTime":649.06,"body":"experiencing, your grief, your"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":643.66,"endTime":649.06,"body":"lament, is valid and healing"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":649.06,"endTime":655.3,"body":"will never come from telling"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":649.06,"endTime":655.3,"body":"yourself I'm overreacting, or my"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":655.36,"endTime":660.72,"body":"feelings are disproportionate to"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":655.36,"endTime":660.72,"body":"what's going on, or they don't"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":660.72,"endTime":664.32,"body":"belong, or they're too much,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":660.72,"endTime":664.32,"body":"they're not too much, they're"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":664.38,"endTime":667.32,"body":"they're entirely, perfectly"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":664.38,"endTime":667.32,"body":"appropriate."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":667.5,"endTime":669.96,"body":"So as you write"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":667.5,"endTime":669.96,"body":"in your book, you use the"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":669.96,"endTime":674.1,"body":"framework of the liturgical"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":669.96,"endTime":674.1,"body":"calendar, year of the church."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":674.28,"endTime":678.84,"body":"How has that helped you, and how"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":674.28,"endTime":678.84,"body":"has that framework helped us? In"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":678.84,"endTime":679.86,"body":"the midst of this,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":680.28,"endTime":682.58,"body":"my"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":680.28,"endTime":682.58,"body":"spiritual imagination has always"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":682.58,"endTime":686.9,"body":"been most stirred by the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":682.58,"endTime":686.9,"body":"incarnation. There's nothing"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":686.9,"endTime":693.86,"body":"like this idea of God becoming"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":686.9,"endTime":693.86,"body":"human with us. I've always loved"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":693.92,"endTime":698.84,"body":"the liturgical year, which is"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":693.92,"endTime":698.84,"body":"really just a retelling of the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":698.84,"endTime":702.94,"body":"incarnation of God with us in"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":698.84,"endTime":702.94,"body":"our time. That's all it is. So"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":702.94,"endTime":708.58,"body":"if you're unfamiliar with some"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":702.94,"endTime":708.58,"body":"of the rituals, or feast days,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":708.58,"endTime":712.06,"body":"or you know, you don't lent or"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":708.58,"endTime":712.06,"body":"Ash Wednesday, you're not really"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":712.06,"endTime":715.96,"body":"in your practice that don't"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":712.06,"endTime":715.96,"body":"worry about all that. It's just"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":715.96,"endTime":721.5,"body":"a retelling of Christ with us"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":715.96,"endTime":721.5,"body":"throughout the year. And"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":721.5,"endTime":725.46,"body":"something that I I've really"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":721.5,"endTime":725.46,"body":"come to love about the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":725.46,"endTime":729.24,"body":"liturgical year is it's often"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":725.46,"endTime":729.24,"body":"visualized as a circle, almost a"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":729.24,"endTime":732.9,"body":"wheel. So it it starts at the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":729.24,"endTime":732.9,"body":"beginning of Advent, that's"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":732.9,"endTime":736.38,"body":"always the beginning of the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":732.9,"endTime":736.38,"body":"Christian year, and it cycles"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":736.38,"endTime":741.56,"body":"all the way through Advent,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":736.38,"endTime":741.56,"body":"Christmas, Lent, Easter, Easter"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":741.56,"endTime":745.94,"body":"tide. And then ordinary tide is"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":741.56,"endTime":745.94,"body":"the longest part of the year,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":746.54,"endTime":750.98,"body":"which is really designed for us"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":746.54,"endTime":750.98,"body":"to practice the resurrection in"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":750.98,"endTime":756.62,"body":"our daily lives. But what I've"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":750.98,"endTime":756.62,"body":"come to love about this image of"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":757.4,"endTime":765.16,"body":"time as a circle is God has come"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":757.4,"endTime":765.16,"body":"to be with us in every moment of"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":765.34,"endTime":772.84,"body":"a full circle. So in in a life,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":765.34,"endTime":772.84,"body":"life holds so much. It holds a"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":772.84,"endTime":778.0,"body":"vast spectrum of experiences"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":772.84,"endTime":778.0,"body":"that are high to low and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":778.0,"endTime":783.36,"body":"everything in between, beautiful"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":778.0,"endTime":783.36,"body":"and joyful and wrenching, and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":783.36,"endTime":789.78,"body":"there is no moment, there's no"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":783.36,"endTime":789.78,"body":"emotion that God does not come"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":789.78,"endTime":794.04,"body":"to meet us in. And that's what"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":789.78,"endTime":794.04,"body":"the liturgical year says to me."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":794.88,"endTime":801.08,"body":"My book is also anchored in the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":794.88,"endTime":801.08,"body":"Christian year. So every chapter"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":801.5,"endTime":806.84,"body":"engages a season, Advent,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":801.5,"endTime":806.84,"body":"Christmas and on, and then"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":806.9,"endTime":810.32,"body":"blends that with personal"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":806.9,"endTime":810.32,"body":"narrative and the design of that"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":810.32,"endTime":815.06,"body":"is to show again God meets us"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":810.32,"endTime":815.06,"body":"every personal moment, meets"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":815.12,"endTime":821.14,"body":"meets God is there to meet us in"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":815.12,"endTime":821.14,"body":"so I write in the book the range"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":821.2,"endTime":824.86,"body":"of the liturgical year becomes"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":821.2,"endTime":824.86,"body":"for us one of its greatest"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":824.86,"endTime":829.3,"body":"gifts, expressing the radical"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":824.86,"endTime":829.3,"body":"empathy of God with us in every"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":829.3,"endTime":835.78,"body":"moment the I am incarnate in our"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":829.3,"endTime":835.78,"body":"joy, fear, sorrow and surprise"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":836.32,"endTime":839.68,"body":"God in every gradient of the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":836.32,"endTime":839.68,"body":"color wheel that composes a"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":839.68,"endTime":840.9,"body":"life, it's"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":840.9,"endTime":844.5,"body":"beautiful that"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":840.9,"endTime":844.5,"body":"is there, that he's with us in"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":844.5,"endTime":848.16,"body":"the midst of every every"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":844.5,"endTime":848.16,"body":"feeling, every emotion. Time is"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":848.16,"endTime":853.62,"body":"really interesting to me. We"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":848.16,"endTime":853.62,"body":"have a time now where you have,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":853.62,"endTime":858.06,"body":"like, some anniversaries that"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":853.62,"endTime":858.06,"body":"come up, where you have a loss"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":858.66,"endTime":863.3,"body":"of pregnancy, you have a birth"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":858.66,"endTime":863.3,"body":"of a child, you have this hope"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":863.9,"endTime":866.78,"body":"and you have this joy, you have"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":863.9,"endTime":866.78,"body":"this despair and you have this"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":866.78,"endTime":872.78,"body":"grief. That feels, to me, that"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":866.78,"endTime":872.78,"body":"it's all actually compounded"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":872.78,"endTime":876.98,"body":"into the past and the present"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":872.78,"endTime":876.98,"body":"and the future, and it's all"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":876.98,"endTime":881.98,"body":"wrapped up in one. And we, all"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":876.98,"endTime":881.98,"body":"we have, is the present, but it"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":881.98,"endTime":886.18,"body":"feels like the past is with us."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":881.98,"endTime":886.18,"body":"It feels like the future is with"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":886.18,"endTime":891.16,"body":"us here. What is your"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":886.18,"endTime":891.16,"body":"relationship with this love and"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":891.16,"endTime":897.28,"body":"grief and hope and joy and time,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":891.16,"endTime":897.28,"body":"and what does that look like to"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":897.28,"endTime":901.92,"body":"have it all be present? You? Yet"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":897.28,"endTime":901.92,"body":"be in the past and the future."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":902.52,"endTime":905.4,"body":"I love"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":902.52,"endTime":905.4,"body":"this question, and I write so"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":905.4,"endTime":911.76,"body":"much into the theme of time and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":905.4,"endTime":911.76,"body":"love and loss in the book, I"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":911.76,"endTime":915.48,"body":"think anyone who's ever"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":911.76,"endTime":915.48,"body":"experienced a loss, whether it's"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":915.54,"endTime":919.8,"body":"a pregnancy a loved one, those"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":915.54,"endTime":919.8,"body":"anniversary grief, anniversary"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":919.8,"endTime":925.22,"body":"dates can be really hard, and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":919.8,"endTime":925.22,"body":"they hold memory as well as the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":925.22,"endTime":928.34,"body":"pain of the present and also the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":925.22,"endTime":928.34,"body":"loss of the future, right."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":928.34,"endTime":933.02,"body":"There's, it's, it's deeply"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":928.34,"endTime":933.02,"body":"dynamic, and something that I"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":933.02,"endTime":937.7,"body":"write about in the book is,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":933.02,"endTime":937.7,"body":"after our pregnancy loss during"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":937.7,"endTime":944.02,"body":"Advent, I I really struggled on"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":937.7,"endTime":944.02,"body":"New Year's Eve because, and this"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":944.02,"endTime":948.82,"body":"was also december 2019, so it"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":944.02,"endTime":948.82,"body":"was not just a new year. We were"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":948.82,"endTime":954.22,"body":"crossing the threshold into a"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":948.82,"endTime":954.22,"body":"new decade. And I was, I was"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":954.4,"endTime":958.66,"body":"keenly aware in the festivities"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":954.4,"endTime":958.66,"body":"of that evening. And again, I"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":958.66,"endTime":961.74,"body":"was with family, and I kind of"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":958.66,"endTime":961.74,"body":"wanted to forget, and I kind of"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":961.74,"endTime":969.12,"body":"didn't, but I was keenly aware"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":961.74,"endTime":969.12,"body":"that I was leaving love behind,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":969.78,"endTime":974.76,"body":"and I referred to her as she she"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":969.78,"endTime":974.76,"body":"was not coming with me. She was"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":974.76,"endTime":979.14,"body":"not crossing the threshold with"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":974.76,"endTime":979.14,"body":"me. And as the countdown to"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":979.14,"endTime":984.5,"body":"midnight began, this was an"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":979.14,"endTime":984.5,"body":"ending. And I would not be"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":984.5,"endTime":989.0,"body":"sharing a 2020, with this little"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":984.5,"endTime":989.0,"body":"one. Sola, this would not be a"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":989.0,"endTime":991.88,"body":"birth year that, you know, there"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":989.0,"endTime":991.88,"body":"would not be a birthday that"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":991.88,"endTime":995.96,"body":"year. It's so hard to reckon"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":991.88,"endTime":995.96,"body":"with that and and, you know, not"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":995.96,"endTime":999.32,"body":"just New Year's Eve, but really"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":995.96,"endTime":999.32,"body":"every day. You know when, when"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":999.32,"endTime":1004.74,"body":"you're missing someone. You"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":999.32,"endTime":1004.74,"body":"think every single day is almost"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1004.92,"endTime":1009.48,"body":"shifting us further apart from"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1004.92,"endTime":1009.48,"body":"that, that present when we were"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1009.54,"endTime":1013.56,"body":"together. And you know, the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1009.54,"endTime":1013.56,"body":"Christian hope also assures us"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1013.62,"endTime":1017.28,"body":"that every day is getting us"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1013.62,"endTime":1017.28,"body":"closer to that, that"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1017.28,"endTime":1021.44,"body":"togetherness again. So there's,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1017.28,"endTime":1021.44,"body":"there's some hope in that as"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1021.44,"endTime":1026.6,"body":"well, but something that in"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1021.44,"endTime":1026.6,"body":"grief, there's such a you're"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1026.6,"endTime":1029.54,"body":"very aware of your loss of"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1026.6,"endTime":1029.54,"body":"control, you know there's"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1029.54,"endTime":1035.3,"body":"nothing you can do to change the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1029.54,"endTime":1035.3,"body":"circumstances. And where I found"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1035.36,"endTime":1042.82,"body":"some shred of agency for myself"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1035.36,"endTime":1042.82,"body":"is in considering the way that"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1042.82,"endTime":1048.82,"body":"love actually makes time"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1042.82,"endTime":1048.82,"body":"travelers of us. And I think"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1049.06,"endTime":1053.68,"body":"this is true of human love and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1049.06,"endTime":1053.68,"body":"divine love. For divine love, we"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1053.68,"endTime":1057.16,"body":"are God's beloved, and God will"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1053.68,"endTime":1057.16,"body":"do anything. Love will do"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1057.28,"endTime":1061.74,"body":"anything to be near the beloved,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1057.28,"endTime":1061.74,"body":"and that's why we have the story"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1061.74,"endTime":1066.12,"body":"of the incarnation to begin"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1061.74,"endTime":1066.12,"body":"with. And then when the lover"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1066.12,"endTime":1070.2,"body":"and the beloved can't be"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1066.12,"endTime":1070.2,"body":"together in in the present, love"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1070.2,"endTime":1073.8,"body":"has such an imagination that it"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1070.2,"endTime":1073.8,"body":"will find a way, whether that's"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1073.8,"endTime":1078.96,"body":"the memory of keeping someone"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1073.8,"endTime":1078.96,"body":"alive or it's the sort of"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1078.96,"endTime":1083.72,"body":"imagining of, yeah, you know,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1078.96,"endTime":1083.72,"body":"right now I would have a five"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1083.72,"endTime":1088.7,"body":"year old, and what would that be"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1083.72,"endTime":1088.7,"body":"like? Or can you imagine your"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1088.76,"endTime":1091.7,"body":"great grandmother getting to"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1088.76,"endTime":1091.7,"body":"meet your first child for the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1091.7,"endTime":1095.0,"body":"first time? Like, what would she"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1091.7,"endTime":1095.0,"body":"say? What would that be like?"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1095.3,"endTime":1099.62,"body":"These are not things that maybe"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1095.3,"endTime":1099.62,"body":"will happen or have happened,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1099.62,"endTime":1103.54,"body":"but, but there is an imagination"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1099.62,"endTime":1103.54,"body":"there, and I think that's a"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1103.54,"endTime":1107.74,"body":"beautiful thing to exercise, and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1103.54,"endTime":1107.74,"body":"also a practice of hope"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1108.1,"endTime":1110.86,"body":"it's good. Have"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1108.1,"endTime":1110.86,"body":"you seen a rival the movie"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1110.86,"endTime":1112.54,"body":"arrival? Yes,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1113.32,"endTime":1115.18,"body":"yeah,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1113.32,"endTime":1115.18,"body":"such a good movie. Yeah."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1115.24,"endTime":1118.12,"body":"I think it's I"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1115.24,"endTime":1118.12,"body":"it is my favorite movie. And I"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1118.12,"endTime":1122.64,"body":"think it's partly because of of"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1118.12,"endTime":1122.64,"body":"this. I mean, I love, I love the"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1122.64,"endTime":1126.84,"body":"fact that we have a linguist"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1122.64,"endTime":1126.84,"body":"trying to decipher the language"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1126.84,"endTime":1131.76,"body":"of aliens. But we also have"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1126.84,"endTime":1131.76,"body":"this, this piece of grief and"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1131.76,"endTime":1136.14,"body":"loss and yearning for the love"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1131.76,"endTime":1136.14,"body":"that she can't have at the"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1136.14,"endTime":1140.04,"body":"moment, and then just realizing"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1136.14,"endTime":1140.04,"body":"and opening up her mind to be"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1140.04,"endTime":1144.44,"body":"able to actually time travel, to"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1140.04,"endTime":1144.44,"body":"be able to feel and be present"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1144.44,"endTime":1148.04,"body":"with the love that she has lost,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1144.44,"endTime":1148.04,"body":"and the love is is actually"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1148.28,"endTime":1152.24,"body":"present with us. It's a"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1148.28,"endTime":1152.24,"body":"beautiful, beautiful movie."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1152.54,"endTime":1156.92,"body":"Reading your book made me want"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1152.54,"endTime":1156.92,"body":"to re watch a rival and like be"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1156.92,"endTime":1160.6,"body":"present in that and and look at"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1156.92,"endTime":1160.6,"body":"it through the lens that you're"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1160.6,"endTime":1165.52,"body":"talking about of of time travel"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1160.6,"endTime":1165.52,"body":"and love and presence in the"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1165.52,"endTime":1170.08,"body":"midst of grief and and loss, but"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1165.52,"endTime":1170.08,"body":"also, like when we're in that"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1170.08,"endTime":1174.64,"body":"space and it's it's difficult,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1170.08,"endTime":1174.64,"body":"and we're in this loss, and"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1174.64,"endTime":1181.26,"body":"we're, we've lost some hope. We"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1174.64,"endTime":1181.26,"body":"often get paralyzed and we're I"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1181.26,"endTime":1186.12,"body":"don't know if I want to do this"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1181.26,"endTime":1186.12,"body":"again. I don't know if I want to"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1186.36,"endTime":1191.76,"body":"open myself up to love again. I"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1186.36,"endTime":1191.76,"body":"don't know it seems too risky."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1191.76,"endTime":1195.78,"body":"It seems like I'm going to"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1191.76,"endTime":1195.78,"body":"experience this deep loss one"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1195.78,"endTime":1199.26,"body":"more time, and I don't want to"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1195.78,"endTime":1199.26,"body":"experience this again, because"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1199.26,"endTime":1205.82,"body":"it's painful. And how, how did"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1199.26,"endTime":1205.82,"body":"you figure out how to move from"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1206.48,"endTime":1211.76,"body":"a paralyzation in that way, into"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1206.48,"endTime":1211.76,"body":"a space of I'm going to risk, to"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1211.76,"endTime":1215.54,"body":"open myself up to love again?"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1211.76,"endTime":1215.54,"body":"Yeah, this"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1215.54,"endTime":1218.0,"body":"really"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1215.54,"endTime":1218.0,"body":"is the central question of the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1218.0,"endTime":1225.1,"body":"book, and the this is the the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1218.0,"endTime":1225.1,"body":"reckoning realm. Exactly. I'm"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1225.28,"endTime":1228.52,"body":"fortunate enough to have a three"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1225.28,"endTime":1228.52,"body":"year old and a one year old"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1228.52,"endTime":1234.22,"body":"right now, and both of them were"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1228.52,"endTime":1234.22,"body":"born after losses. I really only"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1234.22,"endTime":1237.16,"body":"tell the story of the first loss"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1234.22,"endTime":1237.16,"body":"in the book, but actually, while"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1237.16,"endTime":1241.14,"body":"I was editing the book, we"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1237.16,"endTime":1241.14,"body":"experienced the second loss, and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1241.8,"endTime":1247.38,"body":"part of the story there is, I'm"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1241.8,"endTime":1247.38,"body":"writing this book about this"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1247.38,"endTime":1253.74,"body":"question, right, of how do you"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1247.38,"endTime":1253.74,"body":"reckon with the way that love"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1253.74,"endTime":1261.44,"body":"compels us toward relationship"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1253.74,"endTime":1261.44,"body":"and the way that risk really"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1261.44,"endTime":1266.12,"body":"repels us to run the other"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1261.44,"endTime":1266.12,"body":"direction, because relationships"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1266.12,"endTime":1269.42,"body":"are where you get hurt, whether"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1266.12,"endTime":1269.42,"body":"you're rejected, whether you"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1269.42,"endTime":1274.22,"body":"lose, whether it it gets tricky"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1269.42,"endTime":1274.22,"body":"and complicated, and there gets"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1274.22,"endTime":1280.24,"body":"baggage, and that's where life"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1274.22,"endTime":1280.24,"body":"gets really messy. So the self"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1280.24,"endTime":1284.68,"body":"preservation instinct that's at"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1280.24,"endTime":1284.68,"body":"work in all of us says, no, no,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1284.68,"endTime":1289.6,"body":"no, don't do it. Don't do it."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1284.68,"endTime":1289.6,"body":"And and the impulse to love"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1289.6,"endTime":1294.4,"body":"says, Yeah, but presence,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1289.6,"endTime":1294.4,"body":"connection, belonging, this is"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1294.4,"endTime":1299.98,"body":"where your most meaningful life"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1294.4,"endTime":1299.98,"body":"will always be found. And what I"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1299.98,"endTime":1306.9,"body":"came to realize is that none of"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1299.98,"endTime":1306.9,"body":"that presence, connection,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1306.9,"endTime":1310.44,"body":"belonging, all the things that"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1306.9,"endTime":1310.44,"body":"make life most meaningful, that"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1310.44,"endTime":1315.6,"body":"can only be accessed on the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1310.44,"endTime":1315.6,"body":"other side of risk. The catch is"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1316.08,"endTime":1320.84,"body":"we get to choose. You don't have"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1316.08,"endTime":1320.84,"body":"to go for it when you've been"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1320.84,"endTime":1326.48,"body":"hurt, it can be so hard to make"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1320.84,"endTime":1326.48,"body":"the choice to love again or try"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1326.48,"endTime":1332.12,"body":"again, and you don't have to,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1326.48,"endTime":1332.12,"body":"but if you don't, you are also"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1332.12,"endTime":1336.32,"body":"making the choice to live a"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1332.12,"endTime":1336.32,"body":"small life. And I've I've"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1336.32,"endTime":1340.72,"body":"learned that the hard way in"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1336.32,"endTime":1340.72,"body":"many different avenues of my"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1340.72,"endTime":1346.24,"body":"life after our second loss and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1340.72,"endTime":1346.24,"body":"again, this is outside the book,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1346.24,"endTime":1351.34,"body":"but after our second loss, I had"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1346.24,"endTime":1351.34,"body":"to, had have my own reckoning"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1351.34,"endTime":1357.28,"body":"moment and say, Look, do I want"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1351.34,"endTime":1357.28,"body":"this enough to try again,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1357.82,"endTime":1361.44,"body":"knowing what can happen, because"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1357.82,"endTime":1361.44,"body":"the worst has happened to me"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1361.44,"endTime":1366.36,"body":"again and again now. So do I"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1361.44,"endTime":1366.36,"body":"want this enough to try again"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1366.72,"endTime":1371.28,"body":"and take on that risk? And, you"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1366.72,"endTime":1371.28,"body":"know, searching within myself?"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1371.28,"endTime":1377.82,"body":"The answer was yes, and I also"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1371.28,"endTime":1377.82,"body":"had to come up with the self"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1377.82,"endTime":1382.94,"body":"awareness to and maybe the self"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1377.82,"endTime":1382.94,"body":"correction to say I was not a"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1382.94,"endTime":1389.18,"body":"fool for wanting something"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1382.94,"endTime":1389.18,"body":"beautiful, it doesn't make me a"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1389.18,"endTime":1392.72,"body":"fool just because it happened"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1389.18,"endTime":1392.72,"body":"again. Because I think the cynic"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1392.72,"endTime":1395.96,"body":"in all of us wants to say, See,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1392.72,"endTime":1395.96,"body":"I told you this was going to"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1395.96,"endTime":1399.68,"body":"happen. I told I told you this"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1395.96,"endTime":1399.68,"body":"terrible thing was going to"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1399.68,"endTime":1404.32,"body":"happen, and it did, and that's a"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1399.68,"endTime":1404.32,"body":"terrible way to live. It's just"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1404.32,"endTime":1407.98,"body":"it's a miserable way to live."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1404.32,"endTime":1407.98,"body":"And I've, I've lived it too"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1407.98,"endTime":1413.62,"body":"long, and my husband and I had"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1407.98,"endTime":1413.62,"body":"to, had to decide we were not"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1413.62,"endTime":1418.6,"body":"fools for hoping for good,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1413.62,"endTime":1418.6,"body":"knowing the risks, but hoping"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1418.6,"endTime":1422.7,"body":"for the best. We are not. We"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1418.6,"endTime":1422.7,"body":"were not that would be the wrong"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1422.7,"endTime":1426.0,"body":"lesson to learn, and we didn't"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1422.7,"endTime":1426.0,"body":"want to learn that lesson. So I"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1426.0,"endTime":1432.96,"body":"think really screening those"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1426.0,"endTime":1432.96,"body":"thoughts and bringing them back"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1432.96,"endTime":1439.56,"body":"to a place of groundedness and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1432.96,"endTime":1439.56,"body":"wisdom and what matters in life,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1439.62,"endTime":1444.26,"body":"you know, can be it's not easy"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1439.62,"endTime":1444.26,"body":"work. There's no shortcuts. But"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1444.26,"endTime":1447.14,"body":"I think for me, it comes down to"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1444.26,"endTime":1447.14,"body":"that choice of what kind of life"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1447.14,"endTime":1447.8,"body":"you want to live."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1448.22,"endTime":1451.28,"body":"I think part of"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1448.22,"endTime":1451.28,"body":"that and part of risk is is"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1451.28,"endTime":1456.02,"body":"being resilient and resilience,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1451.28,"endTime":1456.02,"body":"what are some some"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1456.02,"endTime":1461.38,"body":"misperceptions that we have of"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1456.02,"endTime":1461.38,"body":"what resilience is and what is"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1461.38,"endTime":1462.52,"body":"resilience for you?"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1462.76,"endTime":1465.04,"body":"I have a"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1462.76,"endTime":1465.04,"body":"whole chapter in the book called"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1465.1,"endTime":1469.6,"body":"redefining resilience, because I"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1465.1,"endTime":1469.6,"body":"have so much to say on this very"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1469.72,"endTime":1474.82,"body":"point. I you know, I think too"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1469.72,"endTime":1474.82,"body":"often resilience is made out to"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1474.82,"endTime":1482.46,"body":"be a mandate, and it's made out"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1474.82,"endTime":1482.46,"body":"to be almost a a showboating of"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1483.3,"endTime":1489.06,"body":"overcoming, and I have a strong"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1483.3,"endTime":1489.06,"body":"allergic reaction to the word"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1489.06,"endTime":1493.32,"body":"overcoming, because to me, it"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1489.06,"endTime":1493.32,"body":"implies that you're over the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1493.32,"endTime":1500.12,"body":"past, and I don't put a lot of"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1493.32,"endTime":1500.12,"body":"stock in that concept. And. I'm"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1500.12,"endTime":1505.16,"body":"just gonna read a small bit of"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1500.12,"endTime":1505.16,"body":"where I say this, yeah, I write"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1505.16,"endTime":1508.88,"body":"in the book over it, what an"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1505.16,"endTime":1508.88,"body":"empty place to be where nothing"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1508.88,"endTime":1512.6,"body":"can touch you. I hope I'm never"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1508.88,"endTime":1512.6,"body":"over the realness of loving"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1512.6,"endTime":1516.74,"body":"another, even if this means"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1512.6,"endTime":1516.74,"body":"enduring loss. I hope I'm never"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1516.74,"endTime":1520.1,"body":"over the depths and empathy that"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1516.74,"endTime":1520.1,"body":"love through loss has awakened"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1520.1,"endTime":1524.5,"body":"in me. I hope I'm never over it,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1520.1,"endTime":1524.5,"body":"because if you dim one set of"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1524.5,"endTime":1527.92,"body":"colors in the Color Wheel of"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1524.5,"endTime":1527.92,"body":"human experience, you will"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1527.92,"endTime":1532.36,"body":"desaturate them all on the whole"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1527.92,"endTime":1532.36,"body":"I'd rather stay in it. I'd"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1532.36,"endTime":1536.08,"body":"rather live in color with the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1532.36,"endTime":1536.08,"body":"fullness of my humanity and the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1536.08,"endTime":1543.48,"body":"life cycle itself. And I think"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1536.08,"endTime":1543.48,"body":"anytime you try to get over"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1543.48,"endTime":1547.74,"body":"something I think of like"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1543.48,"endTime":1547.74,"body":"clearing a track hurdle. I It"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1547.74,"endTime":1552.24,"body":"seems to me like a shortcut for"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1547.74,"endTime":1552.24,"body":"not doing the processing that"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1552.24,"endTime":1558.66,"body":"can make us whole and ultimately"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1552.24,"endTime":1558.66,"body":"heal us. So if I had to propose"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1558.66,"endTime":1562.7,"body":"an alternative definition of"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1558.66,"endTime":1562.7,"body":"resilience. I think true,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1562.7,"endTime":1567.98,"body":"authentic resilience is learning"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1562.7,"endTime":1567.98,"body":"how to hold joy in one hand and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1567.98,"endTime":1573.8,"body":"sorrow in the other, and get"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1567.98,"endTime":1573.8,"body":"comfortable in the uncomfortable"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1573.8,"endTime":1578.18,"body":"tension between the two, because"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1573.8,"endTime":1578.18,"body":"we're always trying to solve for"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1578.18,"endTime":1584.26,"body":"x and x is always the good life"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1578.18,"endTime":1584.26,"body":"where we're happy and successful"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1584.26,"endTime":1592.12,"body":"and everything's going our way,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1584.26,"endTime":1592.12,"body":"and you just, you know, haha, I"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1592.12,"endTime":1595.84,"body":"think it's, it's learning to get"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1592.12,"endTime":1595.84,"body":"comfortable in that tension and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1595.84,"endTime":1600.9,"body":"accept it and Find your"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1595.84,"endTime":1600.9,"body":"stability in that space in"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1600.9,"endTime":1602.7,"body":"between happiness"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1602.7,"endTime":1607.62,"body":"is something as"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1602.7,"endTime":1607.62,"body":"As Americans, we I mean, but it"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1607.62,"endTime":1611.16,"body":"says in our constitution that"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1607.62,"endTime":1611.16,"body":"we, we have the right to the"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1611.16,"endTime":1615.24,"body":"pursuit of happiness. I actually"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1611.16,"endTime":1615.24,"body":"think that we've probably done a"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1615.24,"endTime":1621.02,"body":"disservice to our country to say"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1615.24,"endTime":1621.02,"body":"that pursuing happiness is a as"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1621.02,"endTime":1625.52,"body":"a lofty goal, we constantly,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1621.02,"endTime":1625.52,"body":"every year, get a list of the"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1625.52,"endTime":1628.88,"body":"happiest places to live on"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1625.52,"endTime":1628.88,"body":"Earth, right? You go to"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1628.88,"endTime":1632.24,"body":"Disneyland, it's the happiest"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1628.88,"endTime":1632.24,"body":"place on Earth. You have"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1632.6,"endTime":1637.76,"body":"happiness. Then what, as you"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1632.6,"endTime":1637.76,"body":"said, to hold joy and grief."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1638.18,"endTime":1641.08,"body":"Then is there a difference"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1638.18,"endTime":1641.08,"body":"between the happiness that we're"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1641.08,"endTime":1645.16,"body":"trying to pursue that actually"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1641.08,"endTime":1645.16,"body":"doesn't bring us the deep"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1645.16,"endTime":1654.46,"body":"satisfaction of life and joy"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1645.16,"endTime":1654.46,"body":"that maybe I can actually have"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1654.46,"endTime":1660.42,"body":"that and whole grief at the same"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1654.46,"endTime":1660.42,"body":"time. Is there a difference"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1660.42,"endTime":1665.7,"body":"between the two, and why would"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1660.42,"endTime":1665.7,"body":"joy and grief satisfy me? As"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1665.7,"endTime":1669.96,"body":"somebody who wants to live a"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1665.7,"endTime":1669.96,"body":"life of color, write"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1726.48,"endTime":1729.0,"body":"a lot"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1726.48,"endTime":1729.0,"body":"about in the book is the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1729.0,"endTime":1735.12,"body":"experience of mistrusting joy or"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1729.0,"endTime":1735.12,"body":"happiness. So it's that feeling"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1735.12,"endTime":1739.82,"body":"of actually things are going"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1735.12,"endTime":1739.82,"body":"great, but you can't enjoy it"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1739.8799999999999,"endTime":1744.26,"body":"because you know that the other"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1739.8799999999999,"endTime":1744.26,"body":"shoe is about to drop, so you're"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1744.26,"endTime":1748.58,"body":"suspicious when things start to"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1744.26,"endTime":1748.58,"body":"go your way and again, miserable"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1748.58,"endTime":1753.3799999999999,"body":"way to live. Ticket, Sprint,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1748.58,"endTime":1753.3799999999999,"body":"solar, nose. The Surface"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1753.3799999999999,"endTime":1757.72,"body":"perception of happiness is a"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1753.3799999999999,"endTime":1757.72,"body":"little more one dimensional than"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1757.72,"endTime":1762.22,"body":"joy. And in joy, there's, I"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1757.72,"endTime":1762.22,"body":"think the difference is, Joy"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1762.8799999999999,"endTime":1768.58,"body":"never downplays or dismisses"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1762.8799999999999,"endTime":1768.58,"body":"sorrow where it's found. But"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1768.58,"endTime":1777.18,"body":"also true, Joy refuses to"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1768.58,"endTime":1777.18,"body":"downplay actual Joy where it's"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1777.18,"endTime":1781.26,"body":"found. And I think we all have a"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1777.18,"endTime":1781.26,"body":"slant towards one or the other."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1781.26,"endTime":1785.28,"body":"Some of us are a little more"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1781.26,"endTime":1785.28,"body":"willing to sort of shove"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1785.34,"endTime":1788.8799999999999,"body":"unpleasant things under the rug"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1785.34,"endTime":1788.8799999999999,"body":"and just stick to what's happy,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1789.3,"endTime":1793.8,"body":"and some of us are a lot more"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1789.3,"endTime":1793.8,"body":"willing to just give in, to fall"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1793.8,"endTime":1799.7,"body":"into cynicism and be like, this"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1793.8,"endTime":1799.7,"body":"is all going to end badly, so it"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1799.7,"endTime":1804.1399999999999,"body":"can be good to recognize your"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1799.7,"endTime":1804.1399999999999,"body":"slant. One memory that rises for"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1804.1399999999999,"endTime":1811.82,"body":"me is when our daughter was"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1804.1399999999999,"endTime":1811.82,"body":"baptized. And I, you know,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1811.8799999999999,"endTime":1816.62,"body":"everybody was so happy for us."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1811.8799999999999,"endTime":1816.62,"body":"It was a beautiful day, and in"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1816.62,"endTime":1822.52,"body":"all the well wishing, I found"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1816.62,"endTime":1822.52,"body":"myself thinking every parent"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1822.7,"endTime":1825.82,"body":"just wants their kid to be"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1822.7,"endTime":1825.82,"body":"happy, right? Like we all want"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1825.82,"endTime":1831.58,"body":"that, and I do want that for my"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1825.82,"endTime":1831.58,"body":"children. Of course I do, but I"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1831.58,"endTime":1835.72,"body":"came to realize that wanting"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1831.58,"endTime":1835.72,"body":"someone you love to be happy is"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1835.72,"endTime":1841.74,"body":"actually too small of a walk,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1835.72,"endTime":1841.74,"body":"and what I really want for her"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1842.76,"endTime":1848.22,"body":"is to feel the freedom, to feel"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1842.76,"endTime":1848.22,"body":"the full range of her one"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1848.22,"endTime":1852.72,"body":"wildlife, as Mary Oliver says, I"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1848.22,"endTime":1852.72,"body":"want her to know that it's okay"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1853.26,"endTime":1857.36,"body":"to be sad. It's okay to be"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1853.26,"endTime":1857.36,"body":"unsure. Yeah, and you know,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1857.36,"endTime":1863.3,"body":"she's three and a half now, and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1857.36,"endTime":1863.3,"body":"she's almost four, and we're"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1863.3,"endTime":1867.92,"body":"coaching already, and it's"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1863.3,"endTime":1867.92,"body":"amazing to me how quickly kids"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1867.92,"endTime":1872.18,"body":"pick up social cues, like some"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1867.92,"endTime":1872.18,"body":"emotions are good and others are"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1872.18,"endTime":1876.3799999999999,"body":"not good, and she, for better"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1872.18,"endTime":1876.3799999999999,"body":"and for worse, is a deep feeler"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1876.3799999999999,"endTime":1880.9,"body":"like me. So you know when, when"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1876.3799999999999,"endTime":1880.9,"body":"she was kind of early toddler"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1880.9,"endTime":1884.56,"body":"and the Tantrums were starting,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1880.9,"endTime":1884.56,"body":"I would, it was very funny. I"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1884.56,"endTime":1891.7,"body":"would try to express empathy"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1884.56,"endTime":1891.7,"body":"with her, and her seeing my sort"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1891.7,"endTime":1895.3,"body":"of empathetic sadness in"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1891.7,"endTime":1895.3,"body":"response to hers actually"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1895.3,"endTime":1899.52,"body":"freaked her out. And she's like"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1895.3,"endTime":1899.52,"body":"two and a half, and she's"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1899.52,"endTime":1900.18,"body":"yelling at me,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1900.18,"endTime":1905.76,"body":"mommy, be happy. Be"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1900.18,"endTime":1905.76,"body":"happy, Mommy. And and I thought,"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":1905.76,"endTime":1905.8799999999999,"body":"oh"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1905.8799999999999,"endTime":1907.56,"body":"my"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1905.8799999999999,"endTime":1907.56,"body":"goodness, okay, you're allowed"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1907.56,"endTime":1911.76,"body":"to be sad. And I am too. We have"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1907.56,"endTime":1911.76,"body":"to start practicing this early,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1914.16,"endTime":1918.02,"body":"but I do, but I want, I want her"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1914.16,"endTime":1918.02,"body":"to know that that is hers."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1918.2,"endTime":1920.78,"body":"There's no should. There's no"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1918.2,"endTime":1920.78,"body":"should. Over how you feel. You"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1920.78,"endTime":1924.1399999999999,"body":"got to learn how to, how to keep"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1920.78,"endTime":1924.1399999999999,"body":"moving and keep living your"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1924.1399999999999,"endTime":1928.58,"body":"life. But you feel what you"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1924.1399999999999,"endTime":1928.58,"body":"feel, and there's no judgment."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1928.94,"endTime":1929.18,"body":"Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1929.18,"endTime":1932.06,"body":"and I think kids"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1929.18,"endTime":1932.06,"body":"feel that already. I mean, this"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1932.06,"endTime":1935.42,"body":"is what happened to my son"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1932.06,"endTime":1935.42,"body":"today. He there's some things he"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1935.42,"endTime":1938.86,"body":"has to do at school. He doesn't"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1935.42,"endTime":1938.86,"body":"really want to, so he cried for"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1938.86,"endTime":1942.04,"body":"like, 15 minutes, and it like I"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1938.86,"endTime":1942.04,"body":"was trying to get him out the"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1942.04,"endTime":1946.06,"body":"door. And he was like, No, and"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1942.04,"endTime":1946.06,"body":"he's crying. And then he's like,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1946.06,"endTime":1949.9,"body":"Oh, my eyes look like I'm"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1946.06,"endTime":1949.9,"body":"crying, and my friends will see"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1949.9,"endTime":1954.1,"body":"that. Oh, I've been crying, you"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1949.9,"endTime":1954.1,"body":"know? And so he's like, I can't"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1954.1,"endTime":1957.9,"body":"go to school like this. I have"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1954.1,"endTime":1957.9,"body":"to, like, make sure that my eyes"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1957.9,"endTime":1961.92,"body":"don't look like this, and so I"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1957.9,"endTime":1961.92,"body":"mean, you're he's already saying"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1962.34,"endTime":1966.3,"body":"and I don't know if I can feel"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1962.34,"endTime":1966.3,"body":"what I'm feeling, because I"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1966.3,"endTime":1971.16,"body":"don't want to other people to"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1966.3,"endTime":1971.16,"body":"see me and the fullness of what"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1971.7,"endTime":1977.48,"body":"I feel. I don't want other"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1971.7,"endTime":1977.48,"body":"people to see my grief and fear"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1977.9,"endTime":1981.86,"body":"and anxiety that I'm feeling at"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1977.9,"endTime":1981.86,"body":"this moment. You talked about"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1981.86,"endTime":1985.46,"body":"baptism in the time of baptism,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1981.86,"endTime":1985.46,"body":"and one of my favorite things"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1985.58,"endTime":1990.26,"body":"you write about is on baptism."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1985.58,"endTime":1990.26,"body":"And Brooke, you talked about"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1990.26,"endTime":1996.44,"body":"baptism is a tesser? What is"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1990.26,"endTime":1996.44,"body":"tessering? And what is a tesser?"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1996.86,"endTime":1997.24,"body":"This"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1997.24,"endTime":1999.8799999999999,"body":"is one"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1997.24,"endTime":1999.8799999999999,"body":"of the several metal and Lengel"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1999.8799999999999,"endTime":2003.48,"body":"references in the book, who's"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":1999.8799999999999,"endTime":2003.48,"body":"one of my just beloved favorite"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2003.48,"endTime":2008.58,"body":"authors. Tessering is from her"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2003.48,"endTime":2008.58,"body":"series, and the book"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2008.94,"endTime":2012.12,"body":"particularly of wrinkle and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2008.94,"endTime":2012.12,"body":"time. So it's a way of time"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2012.12,"endTime":2016.82,"body":"travel, and she describes it as,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2012.12,"endTime":2016.82,"body":"you know, an ant is crossing a"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2016.82,"endTime":2021.62,"body":"skirt, and you wrinkle the skirt"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2016.82,"endTime":2021.62,"body":"so that they can get from one"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2021.62,"endTime":2025.1,"body":"spot to another sooner, faster."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2021.62,"endTime":2025.1,"body":"That is my favorite metaphor for"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2025.1,"endTime":2028.1,"body":"baptism as as weird and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2025.1,"endTime":2028.1,"body":"wonderful as that is."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2029.9,"endTime":2032.54,"body":"Yeah, that's"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2029.9,"endTime":2032.54,"body":"great. Can you read from your"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2032.54,"endTime":2033.8,"body":"book about baptism?"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2034.22,"endTime":2035.96,"body":"Okay,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2034.22,"endTime":2035.96,"body":"I'll start. I'll start with this"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2036.2,"endTime":2038.62,"body":"one. All right, of course, I"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2036.2,"endTime":2038.62,"body":"want my daughter to be happy,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2038.98,"endTime":2042.82,"body":"but I also want her to be free"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2038.98,"endTime":2042.82,"body":"to feel the full range of her"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2042.82,"endTime":2047.2,"body":"wide and wild life. I don't want"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2042.82,"endTime":2047.2,"body":"her to live bracing suspicious"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2047.2,"endTime":2050.62,"body":"of joy, a posture her parents"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2047.2,"endTime":2050.62,"body":"are continually unlearning."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2051.34,"endTime":2054.52,"body":"Neither do I want her to live"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2051.34,"endTime":2054.52,"body":"shrouded in denial, in the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2054.52,"endTime":2057.78,"body":"fixation of happiness at the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2054.52,"endTime":2057.78,"body":"expense of what is honest and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2057.78,"endTime":2062.28,"body":"true. Rather, I want her to feel"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2057.78,"endTime":2062.28,"body":"the freedom of feeling it all"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2062.64,"endTime":2066.7200000000003,"body":"and knowing that she is not"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2062.64,"endTime":2066.7200000000003,"body":"alone in any of it. Baptism is a"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2066.7200000000003,"endTime":2070.38,"body":"tester, if there ever were one,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2066.7200000000003,"endTime":2070.38,"body":"and the waters of the sacrament"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2070.6800000000003,"endTime":2073.7400000000002,"body":"past and future come rushing"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2070.6800000000003,"endTime":2073.7400000000002,"body":"together into the present,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2074.1,"endTime":2078.14,"body":"pouring an ocean of meaning into"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2074.1,"endTime":2078.14,"body":"the little bottle of now, as NT"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2078.14,"endTime":2082.76,"body":"Wright says, baptism is the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2078.14,"endTime":2082.76,"body":"nexus of dimensions, past,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2082.82,"endTime":2088.04,"body":"present, future, life, death and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2082.82,"endTime":2088.04,"body":"resurrection. As we the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2088.04,"endTime":2091.76,"body":"baptized, are initiated into the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2088.04,"endTime":2091.76,"body":"great belonging of the life of"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2091.76,"endTime":2096.62,"body":"Christ. The water seals us into"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2091.76,"endTime":2096.62,"body":"the sacred belonging, signing"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2096.62,"endTime":2099.82,"body":"the promise that God is with us"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2096.62,"endTime":2099.82,"body":"in all our travels and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2099.82,"endTime":2103.1800000000003,"body":"timelines, through all living"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2099.82,"endTime":2103.1800000000003,"body":"dying and rising."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2103.9,"endTime":2107.08,"body":"I think that's"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2103.9,"endTime":2107.08,"body":"so beautiful as a description of"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2107.08,"endTime":2112.06,"body":"baptism. Baptism is a tester"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2107.08,"endTime":2112.06,"body":"that it is like God is with us"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2112.06,"endTime":2116.44,"body":"in all of our time and all of"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2112.06,"endTime":2116.44,"body":"our grief and sorrow and loss"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2116.44,"endTime":2121.5,"body":"and our joy and and everything"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2116.44,"endTime":2121.5,"body":"that God is with us. It's a it's"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2121.5,"endTime":2127.08,"body":"a beautiful description. How has"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2121.5,"endTime":2127.08,"body":"that brought you some some hope"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2127.32,"endTime":2131.16,"body":"in your life? And how has"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2127.32,"endTime":2131.16,"body":"baptism like been something that"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2131.16,"endTime":2132.72,"body":"you could hold on to you? The"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2132.72,"endTime":2135.9,"body":"incarnation"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2132.72,"endTime":2135.9,"body":"is the story of Christ coming"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2135.9,"endTime":2140.72,"body":"into our time, and I think"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2135.9,"endTime":2140.72,"body":"baptism is the symbol of us"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2140.72,"endTime":2147.56,"body":"being raised up into God time."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2140.72,"endTime":2147.56,"body":"So there's a real reciprocity"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2147.56,"endTime":2153.2,"body":"there that interests me and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2147.56,"endTime":2153.2,"body":"helps me locate some courage."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2154.22,"endTime":2158.5,"body":"Because if, if Jesus is true. Be"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2154.22,"endTime":2158.5,"body":"with us in our life and our"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2158.5,"endTime":2163.0,"body":"death, then we are with Him in"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2158.5,"endTime":2163.0,"body":"His resurrection. And that's"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2163.06,"endTime":2167.92,"body":"that's what baptism has come to"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2163.06,"endTime":2167.92,"body":"mean to me. It really is a"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2167.92,"endTime":2174.16,"body":"promise, and it is that promise"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2167.92,"endTime":2174.16,"body":"of presence and union with"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2174.16,"endTime":2179.94,"body":"Christ and my favorite way, you"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2174.16,"endTime":2179.94,"body":"know, to express the hope is"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2179.94,"endTime":2184.32,"body":"just the future of all things"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2179.94,"endTime":2184.32,"body":"new, and we get to be"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2184.32,"endTime":2188.46,"body":"participants in that. It starts"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2184.32,"endTime":2188.46,"body":"now. It'll be finished later,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2188.94,"endTime":2195.42,"body":"but that's so beautiful. And I'm"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2188.94,"endTime":2195.42,"body":"I have a very low tolerance for"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2196.32,"endTime":2203.12,"body":"over promising. And I see this"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2196.32,"endTime":2203.12,"body":"as a this is a pervasive problem"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2203.66,"endTime":2209.48,"body":"in Christianity, especially"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2203.66,"endTime":2209.48,"body":"because there are many promises"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2209.66,"endTime":2215.0,"body":"that many Christians bank on"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2209.66,"endTime":2215.0,"body":"that God never makes. It's not"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2215.0,"endTime":2220.0,"body":"only dishonest, it also casts a"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2215.0,"endTime":2220.0,"body":"vision for a God who can't be"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2220.0,"endTime":2226.42,"body":"trusted, and I find that deeply"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2220.0,"endTime":2226.42,"body":"problematic. So the way my brain"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2226.42,"endTime":2230.98,"body":"works is to forage and search"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2226.42,"endTime":2230.98,"body":"for any kind of promise that"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2291.96,"endTime":2297.36,"body":"actually can hold up. And I find"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2291.96,"endTime":2297.36,"body":"it here in I'm not guaranteed"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2297.36,"endTime":2304.16,"body":"any kind of outcome whatsoever."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2297.36,"endTime":2304.16,"body":"But because I am baptized, I"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2304.16,"endTime":2308.36,"body":"know that God is with me and I"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2304.16,"endTime":2308.36,"body":"am with God in whatever happens."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2308.72,"endTime":2312.92,"body":"You know, there's so many"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2308.72,"endTime":2312.92,"body":"metaphors that can be made from"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2313.16,"endTime":2317.72,"body":"baptism, tethering is one, birth"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2313.16,"endTime":2317.72,"body":"is another, death is another,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2318.14,"endTime":2325.06,"body":"and I found it so, so meaningful"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2318.14,"endTime":2325.06,"body":"to baptize my children into this"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2325.06,"endTime":2329.26,"body":"promise that God is with them,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2325.06,"endTime":2329.26,"body":"and that's, you know, an act of"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2329.26,"endTime":2334.18,"body":"faith. They'll make their own"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2329.26,"endTime":2334.18,"body":"choices in time. But it was a"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2334.18,"endTime":2337.98,"body":"way of expressing, you know, God"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2334.18,"endTime":2337.98,"body":"is with her, my daughter, God is"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2337.98,"endTime":2343.08,"body":"with him, my son and their"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2337.98,"endTime":2343.08,"body":"belonging is spoken for, no"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2343.08,"endTime":2343.98,"body":"matter the rest."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2344.46,"endTime":2346.74,"body":"So if you're"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2344.46,"endTime":2346.74,"body":"talking about some over"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2346.74,"endTime":2350.22,"body":"promising, and you're talking"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2346.74,"endTime":2350.22,"body":"about living into other things"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2350.22,"endTime":2354.96,"body":"that maybe God didn't promise,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2350.22,"endTime":2354.96,"body":"as you go into ordinary time in"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2354.96,"endTime":2360.14,"body":"the liturgical ear, you're"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2354.96,"endTime":2360.14,"body":"you're trying to find out, how"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2360.14,"endTime":2363.14,"body":"are we living into this"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2360.14,"endTime":2363.14,"body":"resurrection and this"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2363.14,"endTime":2368.0,"body":"resurrection life that we get to"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2363.14,"endTime":2368.0,"body":"participate in as well. So then,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2368.0,"endTime":2371.12,"body":"what is our relationship to"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2368.0,"endTime":2371.12,"body":"that, and what does it look like"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2371.12,"endTime":2374.6,"body":"to live in in the time of"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2371.12,"endTime":2374.6,"body":"resurrection?"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2375.14,"endTime":2379.0,"body":"I think"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2375.14,"endTime":2379.0,"body":"this speaks back to what true"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2379.0,"endTime":2384.76,"body":"resilience is, for me, because"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2379.0,"endTime":2384.76,"body":"another widespread myth about"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2384.76,"endTime":2388.72,"body":"resilience that many of us"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2384.76,"endTime":2388.72,"body":"believe is that it's all on us."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2389.26,"endTime":2393.04,"body":"And I don't believe that that"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2389.26,"endTime":2393.04,"body":"feels like pressure, that does"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2393.04,"endTime":2396.88,"body":"not feel life giving, that does"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2393.04,"endTime":2396.88,"body":"not feel healing to practice"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2396.88,"endTime":2401.88,"body":"true resilience. I think we we"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2396.88,"endTime":2401.88,"body":"lean into the resurrection of"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2401.88,"endTime":2406.32,"body":"God. This is something that it's"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2401.88,"endTime":2406.32,"body":"not all on us. It's already been"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2406.56,"endTime":2410.94,"body":"done. All we have to do is be"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2406.56,"endTime":2410.94,"body":"present and connected and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2410.94,"endTime":2417.0,"body":"engaged with the reality that's"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2410.94,"endTime":2417.0,"body":"already been sealed. And again,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2417.0,"endTime":2420.8,"body":"that is a practice, and that is"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2417.0,"endTime":2420.8,"body":"ours, the strength, the courage,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2420.86,"endTime":2425.6,"body":"that it's not all on us, and I"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2420.86,"endTime":2425.6,"body":"will find I have a brief excerpt"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2425.6,"endTime":2432.98,"body":"on that. So in one chapter, I'm"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2425.6,"endTime":2432.98,"body":"writing through my physical"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2433.04,"endTime":2438.52,"body":"birth prep for labor, and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2433.04,"endTime":2438.52,"body":"considering the parallels"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2438.52,"endTime":2443.38,"body":"between preparing, you know your"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2438.52,"endTime":2443.38,"body":"body for such a major event and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2444.88,"endTime":2449.38,"body":"living your life. So I say just"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2444.88,"endTime":2449.38,"body":"as a woman in labor is called to"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2449.38,"endTime":2453.04,"body":"stay with her breath to bring"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2449.38,"endTime":2453.04,"body":"forth new life, the liturgical"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2453.04,"endTime":2456.94,"body":"year calls us to stay with the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2453.04,"endTime":2456.94,"body":"story that leads to new life,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2457.18,"endTime":2459.72,"body":"and that really is ordinary"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2457.18,"endTime":2459.72,"body":"time. You know, there's nothing"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2459.72,"endTime":2463.68,"body":"major happening in the church"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2459.72,"endTime":2463.68,"body":"calendar. It's just a Tuesday,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2463.68,"endTime":2469.08,"body":"it's just a Sunday, it's just"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2463.68,"endTime":2469.08,"body":"life. And then I write this kind"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2469.08,"endTime":2473.52,"body":"of hope is not wispy wishful"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2469.08,"endTime":2473.52,"body":"thinking. It is a deadlift from"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2473.52,"endTime":2477.24,"body":"one's core. It takes a certain"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2473.52,"endTime":2477.24,"body":"strength to keep your hopes up,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2477.6,"endTime":2481.94,"body":"to engage the muscles of your"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2477.6,"endTime":2481.94,"body":"core and list, list, list,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2482.48,"endTime":2485.84,"body":"against the entropy of"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2482.48,"endTime":2485.84,"body":"everything, against the gravity"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2485.84,"endTime":2490.58,"body":"of death itself. To keep such a"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2485.84,"endTime":2490.58,"body":"hope up is to set the total"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2490.58,"endTime":2494.72,"body":"weight of your being against the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2490.58,"endTime":2494.72,"body":"full catastrophe of living. And"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2494.72,"endTime":2499.24,"body":"in doing so, grit your teeth,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2494.72,"endTime":2499.24,"body":"fire every muscle you have and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2499.24,"endTime":2503.44,"body":"feel the burn of the sweat"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2499.24,"endTime":2503.44,"body":"beaded push. Yet this is no"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2503.44,"endTime":2507.22,"body":"bootstrap endeavor. We are not"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2503.44,"endTime":2507.22,"body":"tasked to do any of this in our"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2507.22,"endTime":2509.98,"body":"own strength, but in the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2507.22,"endTime":2509.98,"body":"borrowed strength of Christ's"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2509.98,"endTime":2515.14,"body":"resurrection power. And I think"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2509.98,"endTime":2515.14,"body":"that's, that's what makes all"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2515.14,"endTime":2519.3,"body":"the difference. Um, you know."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2515.14,"endTime":2519.3,"body":"Practicing resurrection. It's"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2519.6,"endTime":2522.72,"body":"it's a call, it's an invitation,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2519.6,"endTime":2522.72,"body":"but we never do it in our own"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2522.72,"endTime":2524.34,"body":"strength. That's"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2524.34,"endTime":2526.02,"body":"hopeful, that"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2524.34,"endTime":2526.02,"body":"it's not in our own strength,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2526.02,"endTime":2531.6,"body":"that it is Jesus with us doing"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2526.02,"endTime":2531.6,"body":"it. He's the one that his"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2531.6,"endTime":2537.56,"body":"resurrection is the one that"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2531.6,"endTime":2537.56,"body":"that helps us. So if you had a"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2537.56,"endTime":2541.88,"body":"conversation with your readers,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2537.56,"endTime":2541.88,"body":"people who pick up even after"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2541.88,"endTime":2546.56,"body":"everything which is a beautiful"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2541.88,"endTime":2546.56,"body":"book. What would your hope be"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2546.56,"endTime":2547.52,"body":"for your readers?"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2548.12,"endTime":2552.08,"body":"First, I"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2548.12,"endTime":2552.08,"body":"hope that they I hope that you"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2552.26,"endTime":2559.36,"body":"receive the gift of feeling seen"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2552.26,"endTime":2559.36,"body":"in what hurts and you experience"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2559.36,"endTime":2565.66,"body":"the presence of a God with you,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2559.36,"endTime":2565.66,"body":"witnessing you in your pain, as"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2565.66,"endTime":2570.16,"body":"well as maybe the liminal in"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2565.66,"endTime":2570.16,"body":"between spaces and the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2570.16,"endTime":2576.7,"body":"uncertainties. And then I also"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2570.16,"endTime":2576.7,"body":"hope that you find your courage"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2576.7,"endTime":2584.34,"body":"renewed to take risks in the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2576.7,"endTime":2584.34,"body":"name of love, and to find the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2584.34,"endTime":2588.78,"body":"courage that you need, to take"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2584.34,"endTime":2588.78,"body":"the courage that you need to"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2588.9,"endTime":2594.18,"body":"love again after being hurt, to"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2588.9,"endTime":2594.18,"body":"try again after things have not"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2594.18,"endTime":2601.58,"body":"gone as planned, and to live"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2594.18,"endTime":2601.58,"body":"that courageous life of loving"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2601.58,"endTime":2607.1,"body":"anyway, I will say too, I it was"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2601.58,"endTime":2607.1,"body":"very important to me from the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2607.1,"endTime":2612.68,"body":"outset of the book that this"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2607.1,"endTime":2612.68,"body":"actually not be a grief book. I"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2612.68,"endTime":2617.36,"body":"hope that it speaks to people in"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2612.68,"endTime":2617.36,"body":"hard places, but also to me, the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2617.36,"endTime":2622.3,"body":"book was not written to stay in"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2617.36,"endTime":2622.3,"body":"a place of grief. And in fact,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2622.3,"endTime":2627.28,"body":"if pregnancy loss is a sensitive"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2622.3,"endTime":2627.28,"body":"and personal topic for you, and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2627.28,"endTime":2633.34,"body":"that would be difficult reading,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2627.28,"endTime":2633.34,"body":"I wrote it in a way that you can"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2633.34,"endTime":2637.54,"body":"just skip chapter four. That's"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2633.34,"endTime":2637.54,"body":"the hard chapter. So if that's"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2637.54,"endTime":2641.16,"body":"too hard to skip chapter four"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2637.54,"endTime":2641.16,"body":"and keep going, but I really"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2641.16,"endTime":2645.54,"body":"wrote it to narrate not not the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2641.16,"endTime":2645.54,"body":"grief of what happened, but what"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2645.54,"endTime":2653.58,"body":"happened after, and how to"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2645.54,"endTime":2653.58,"body":"sustainably and believably Find"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2653.58,"endTime":2657.62,"body":"your footing and your courage"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2653.58,"endTime":2657.62,"body":"again when The joy and sorrow of"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2657.62,"endTime":2659.06,"body":"life feel too much."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2659.6,"endTime":2661.82,"body":"Stephanie, if"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2659.6,"endTime":2661.82,"body":"you could go back to your 21"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2662.0,"endTime":2663.92,"body":"year old self, what advice would"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2662.0,"endTime":2663.92,"body":"you give?"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2666.56,"endTime":2669.08,"body":"Oh, wow."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2666.56,"endTime":2669.08,"body":"Well, let's see. Let's set the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2669.08,"endTime":2676.16,"body":"scene 21 I was newly married,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2669.08,"endTime":2676.16,"body":"just figuring life out. And I"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2676.16,"endTime":2680.56,"body":"think I would say, I think I"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2676.16,"endTime":2680.56,"body":"would say, keep reading, keep"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2680.56,"endTime":2684.4,"body":"writing. It's a practice, and"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2680.56,"endTime":2684.4,"body":"there's no deadline, so just"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2684.4,"endTime":2685.78,"body":"keep leaning into what you love."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2686.62,"endTime":2689.86,"body":"That's great"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2686.62,"endTime":2689.86,"body":"advice. Really good anything"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2689.86,"endTime":2692.14,"body":"that you've been reading or"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2689.86,"endTime":2692.14,"body":"watching lately you could"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2692.14,"endTime":2692.62,"body":"recommend."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2694.42,"endTime":2696.04,"body":"Well,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2694.42,"endTime":2696.04,"body":"I'm really looking forward to"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2696.04,"endTime":2700.44,"body":"one of these days finishing the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2696.04,"endTime":2700.44,"body":"bear, because I have, I've,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2701.1,"endTime":2704.46,"body":"there's not a lot of margin or"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2701.1,"endTime":2704.46,"body":"TV time in my life right now,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2704.7,"endTime":2710.76,"body":"but with with kiddos and book"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2704.7,"endTime":2710.76,"body":"launch, but I have really loved"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2710.82,"endTime":2715.32,"body":"that show, and I'll tell you"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2710.82,"endTime":2715.32,"body":"why. One of the things that it"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2715.32,"endTime":2721.58,"body":"does so well is it's, it's"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2715.32,"endTime":2721.58,"body":"really a show about, it's about,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2722.18,"endTime":2726.44,"body":"it doesn't center romantic"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2722.18,"endTime":2726.44,"body":"relationships. Um, you know,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2726.44,"endTime":2729.32,"body":"there's, there's a couple"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2726.44,"endTime":2729.32,"body":"flashes, but there's but, but"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2729.32,"endTime":2733.64,"body":"they're side plots. And I, I"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2729.32,"endTime":2733.64,"body":"love that they're, they're"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2733.7,"endTime":2737.86,"body":"demonstrating in real time that"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2733.7,"endTime":2737.86,"body":"romantic relationships are not"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2737.86,"endTime":2741.4,"body":"the only interesting"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2737.86,"endTime":2741.4,"body":"relationships, and there are"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2741.88,"endTime":2746.74,"body":"some meaningful and deep,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2741.88,"endTime":2746.74,"body":"profound dynamics in sibling"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2746.74,"endTime":2749.86,"body":"relationships and parent to"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2746.74,"endTime":2749.86,"body":"child relationships, colleague"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2749.86,"endTime":2754.6,"body":"relationships, competition, so"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2749.86,"endTime":2754.6,"body":"that one's been fun and food is"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2754.6,"endTime":2757.42,"body":"always fun. So that's on the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2754.6,"endTime":2757.42,"body":"watch list."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2758.62,"endTime":2761.4,"body":"Awesome, the"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2758.62,"endTime":2761.4,"body":"bear selling watch list. Go put"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2761.4,"endTime":2766.86,"body":"it on yours and yeah, get over."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2761.4,"endTime":2766.86,"body":"Yeah, some of that anxiety"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2766.86,"endTime":2772.86,"body":"inducing scenes in, yeah, but"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2766.86,"endTime":2772.86,"body":"it's, it's all right, my wife"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2773.1,"endTime":2776.46,"body":"won't watch it with me because"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2773.1,"endTime":2776.46,"body":"it's too anxiety inducing for"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2776.46,"endTime":2777.42,"body":"her. My husband"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2777.42,"endTime":2780.68,"body":"feels"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2777.42,"endTime":2780.68,"body":"the same exact way. I guess it"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2780.68,"endTime":2782.36,"body":"doesn't bother in any grim for"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2784.28,"endTime":2787.04,"body":"that's good. How"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2784.28,"endTime":2787.04,"body":"can people go out and get your"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2787.04,"endTime":2789.74,"body":"book, even after everything? And"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2787.04,"endTime":2789.74,"body":"where would you like to point"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2789.74,"endTime":2791.66,"body":"people to? How can they connect"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2789.74,"endTime":2791.66,"body":"with you?"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2792.62,"endTime":2795.08,"body":"Thank"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2792.62,"endTime":2795.08,"body":"you. It's available anywhere"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2795.08,"endTime":2798.22,"body":"books are sold. And if anything"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2795.08,"endTime":2798.22,"body":"spoke to you in this"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2798.22,"endTime":2803.08,"body":"conversation, I would humbly"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2798.22,"endTime":2803.08,"body":"invite you to join me for a"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2803.08,"endTime":2807.28,"body":"deeper conversation in the book"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2803.08,"endTime":2807.28,"body":"itself, you can find"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2807.28,"endTime":2813.1,"body":"me@slantletter.com or Stephanie"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2807.28,"endTime":2813.1,"body":"Duncan Smith or slant letter on"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2813.16,"endTime":2818.4,"body":"sub stack. I have a weekly sub"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2813.16,"endTime":2818.4,"body":"stack newsletter that is. Really"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2818.88,"endTime":2823.08,"body":"designed for writers who are"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2818.88,"endTime":2823.08,"body":"interested in the writing craft"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2823.08,"endTime":2827.34,"body":"and also the writing process as"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2823.08,"endTime":2827.34,"body":"spiritual practice."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2828.42,"endTime":2830.76,"body":"That's great. I"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2828.42,"endTime":2830.76,"body":"have one quick little bonus"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2830.76,"endTime":2834.12,"body":"question that I thought as an"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2830.76,"endTime":2834.12,"body":"editor, what's your biggest pet"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2834.12,"endTime":2835.98,"body":"peeve that you see in writing?"},{"speaker":"Unknown","startTime":2836.4,"endTime":2837.24,"body":"Oh, man, you're"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2837.24,"endTime":2839.42,"body":"gonna"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2837.24,"endTime":2839.42,"body":"make a sound so cranky,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2839.72,"endTime":2842.42,"body":"but you're not."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2839.72,"endTime":2842.42,"body":"I understand that. But one of"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2842.42,"endTime":2845.48,"body":"the things that guy, ah, I can't"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2842.42,"endTime":2845.48,"body":"believe that this is here again."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2848.06,"endTime":2852.26,"body":"Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2848.06,"endTime":2852.26,"body":"biggest pet peeve, I think the"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2852.26,"endTime":2856.82,"body":"biggest thing is, is a classic"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2852.26,"endTime":2856.82,"body":"writing one, but show, don't"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2856.82,"endTime":2862.6,"body":"tell. I don't want to hear how"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2856.82,"endTime":2862.6,"body":"your book is going to"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2862.6,"endTime":2867.52,"body":"revolutionize its genre. I want"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2862.6,"endTime":2867.52,"body":"you to show me on the page so"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2867.52,"endTime":2872.8,"body":"that I say, Wow, this is going"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2867.52,"endTime":2872.8,"body":"to revolutionize its genre. So,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2873.64,"endTime":2877.06,"body":"yeah, you know, stories details"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2873.64,"endTime":2877.06,"body":"that tell that's what I want to"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2877.06,"endTime":2881.04,"body":"see. I don't. I don't want to"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2877.06,"endTime":2881.04,"body":"hear about, you know, the time"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2881.04,"endTime":2885.12,"body":"you went to your dentist or,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2881.04,"endTime":2885.12,"body":"like, I want you to show me,"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2885.66,"endTime":2890.88,"body":"Wow, the I want you to make me"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2885.66,"endTime":2890.88,"body":"feel something connect. So"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2890.88,"endTime":2893.58,"body":"that's what I'm looking for."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2890.88,"endTime":2893.58,"body":"Excellent."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2893.58,"endTime":2895.08,"body":"That's good."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2893.58,"endTime":2895.08,"body":"Well, Stephanie, thank you for"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2895.08,"endTime":2898.46,"body":"this conversation. Thank You"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2895.08,"endTime":2898.46,"body":"that we could go on some, some"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2898.46,"endTime":2903.14,"body":"time traveling and go into the"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2898.46,"endTime":2903.14,"body":"space of grief and loss, but"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2903.14,"endTime":2908.12,"body":"with and also hope and joy and"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2903.14,"endTime":2908.12,"body":"resilience and resurrection and"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2908.12,"endTime":2912.92,"body":"ordinary time and baptism, and"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2908.12,"endTime":2912.92,"body":"all of the life that we get to"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2912.92,"endTime":2916.52,"body":"live and enjoy that we could"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2912.92,"endTime":2916.52,"body":"actually step out and risk to"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2916.52,"endTime":2920.32,"body":"love again. So thank you. I love"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2916.52,"endTime":2920.32,"body":"this conversation. I love your"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2920.32,"endTime":2924.82,"body":"book. It is fantastic. Really"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2920.32,"endTime":2924.82,"body":"recommend people go out and get"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2924.82,"endTime":2929.14,"body":"it and just go marinate in the"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2924.82,"endTime":2929.14,"body":"words of Stephanie, because"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2929.2,"endTime":2934.24,"body":"these words are incredible, as"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2929.2,"endTime":2934.24,"body":"you heard on this conversation"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2934.3,"endTime":2937.74,"body":"as well. So Stephanie, thank you"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2934.3,"endTime":2937.74,"body":"for this conversation, and have"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2937.74,"endTime":2939.3,"body":"a wonderful, wonderful day."},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2940.56,"endTime":2941.64,"body":"Thank"},{"speaker":"Stephanie Duncan Smith","startTime":2940.56,"endTime":2941.64,"body":"you for having me. You."}]}