{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":0.0,"endTime":2.76,"body":"Don't waste that"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":0.0,"endTime":2.76,"body":"call. Get up, get healthy, be"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2.82,"endTime":7.5,"body":"honest. Do the hard work. It's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2.82,"endTime":7.5,"body":"hard, and it's gonna build"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":7.5,"endTime":10.56,"body":"resilience in you, and you're"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":7.5,"endTime":10.56,"body":"going to be able to one day look"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":10.56,"endTime":13.08,"body":"someone in the eye and say, You"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":10.56,"endTime":13.08,"body":"know what God's coming for you."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":13.08,"endTime":16.02,"body":"You know how I know it, because"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":13.08,"endTime":16.02,"body":"he came for me. And that's been"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":16.02,"endTime":20.18,"body":"the greatest part of my"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":16.02,"endTime":20.18,"body":"honestly, of everything, is that"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":20.54,"endTime":23.12,"body":"I was weak enough to be"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":20.54,"endTime":23.12,"body":"comforted so that I know how to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":23.12,"endTime":24.02,"body":"comfort others."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":37.4,"endTime":39.08,"body":"Hello and"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":37.4,"endTime":39.08,"body":"welcome to the shifting culture"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":39.08,"endTime":41.38,"body":"podcast in which we have"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":39.08,"endTime":41.38,"body":"conversations about the culture"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":41.38,"endTime":44.68,"body":"we create and the impact we can"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":41.38,"endTime":44.68,"body":"make. We long to see the body of"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":44.68,"endTime":48.52,"body":"Christ look like Jesus. I'm your"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":44.68,"endTime":48.52,"body":"host. Joshua Johnson, our"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":48.52,"endTime":51.64,"body":"culture tells us to go it alone,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":48.52,"endTime":51.64,"body":"that strength is independence,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":51.64,"endTime":54.64,"body":"that resilience is self"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":51.64,"endTime":54.64,"body":"sufficiency. But what if it's"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":54.64,"endTime":58.12,"body":"wrong? What if healing real?"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":54.64,"endTime":58.12,"body":"Healing doesn't happen in"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":58.12,"endTime":61.8,"body":"isolation, but only in the"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":58.12,"endTime":61.8,"body":"presence of others that's at the"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":61.8,"endTime":65.4,"body":"heart of my conversation today"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":61.8,"endTime":65.4,"body":"with Tony Collier. Tony's story"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":65.4,"endTime":68.34,"body":"is raw, marked by brokenness,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":65.4,"endTime":68.34,"body":"betrayal and the kind of pain"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":68.34,"endTime":71.88,"body":"most of us would rather hide."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":68.34,"endTime":71.88,"body":"But it's also a story about the"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":71.88,"endTime":75.48,"body":"radical possibility of healing"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":71.88,"endTime":75.48,"body":"in community, about how"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":75.48,"endTime":79.2,"body":"vulnerability and confession,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":75.48,"endTime":79.2,"body":"when practiced with others, can"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":79.2,"endTime":81.98,"body":"become a pathway not just to"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":79.2,"endTime":81.98,"body":"personal wholeness, but to"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":81.98,"endTime":84.92,"body":"reshaping the church into"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":81.98,"endTime":84.92,"body":"something more honest, more"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":84.92,"endTime":89.3,"body":"human and maybe even more"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":84.92,"endTime":89.3,"body":"faithful. This isn't just about"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":89.3,"endTime":92.54,"body":"Tony's journey. It's about ours."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":89.3,"endTime":92.54,"body":"What does it mean to stop trying"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":92.54,"endTime":95.18,"body":"to muscle through life on our"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":92.54,"endTime":95.18,"body":"own? What does it look like to"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":95.18,"endTime":98.06,"body":"borrow hope from someone else"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":95.18,"endTime":98.06,"body":"when we don't have enough for"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":98.06,"endTime":101.86,"body":"ourselves? And how do we begin"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":98.06,"endTime":101.86,"body":"to imagine a community where"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":101.86,"endTime":105.82,"body":"weakness isn't a liability for"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":101.86,"endTime":105.82,"body":"the very place where God shows"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":105.82,"endTime":110.26,"body":"up. That's the conversation"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":105.82,"endTime":110.26,"body":"ahead. I think you'll find it a"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":110.26,"endTime":115.12,"body":"beautiful, raw and challenging"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":110.26,"endTime":115.12,"body":"conversation. So join us as we"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":115.12,"endTime":119.74,"body":"learn to not go it alone. Here"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":115.12,"endTime":119.74,"body":"is my conversation with Tony"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":120.04,"endTime":123.84,"body":"Collier. Tony, welcome to"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":120.04,"endTime":123.84,"body":"shifting culture. So excited to"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":123.84,"endTime":125.16,"body":"have you on. Thanks for joining"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":123.84,"endTime":125.16,"body":"me."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":125.34,"endTime":128.1,"body":"Yeah, let's do it."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":125.34,"endTime":128.1,"body":"I'm so excited and grateful to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":128.1,"endTime":130.08,"body":"be on, and I think it's gonna be"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":128.1,"endTime":130.08,"body":"great."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":130.5,"endTime":133.62,"body":"Okay, let's dive"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":130.5,"endTime":133.62,"body":"deep. Right away. Are you ready"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":133.62,"endTime":133.98,"body":"to dive"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":133.98,"endTime":136.74,"body":"deep? I have a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":133.98,"endTime":136.74,"body":"motto on my podcast, go deeper."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":136.74,"endTime":138.96,"body":"Go home. Okay, ready? All"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":138.96,"endTime":141.02,"body":"right, so we're"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":138.96,"endTime":141.02,"body":"talking about Don't try this"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":141.02,"endTime":144.56,"body":"alone. So your your new book"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":141.02,"endTime":144.56,"body":"that's out, want to make sure"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":144.56,"endTime":146.84,"body":"that we could heal in community,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":144.56,"endTime":146.84,"body":"that we can't do this by"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":146.84,"endTime":151.22,"body":"ourselves. We live in a crazy,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":146.84,"endTime":151.22,"body":"individualistic society and a"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":151.22,"endTime":154.22,"body":"culture where we think that we"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":151.22,"endTime":154.22,"body":"have to do everything by"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":154.22,"endTime":157.22,"body":"ourselves. I want to know some"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":154.22,"endTime":157.22,"body":"of your story, so just bring me"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":157.22,"endTime":162.7,"body":"into some of the the brokenness"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":157.22,"endTime":162.7,"body":"of Tony and then, and then,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":162.76,"endTime":167.74,"body":"where did you find places where"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":162.76,"endTime":167.74,"body":"you tried to isolate or do it on"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":167.74,"endTime":170.32,"body":"your own? And then, How'd you"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":167.74,"endTime":170.32,"body":"make your way to community?"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":170.8,"endTime":172.72,"body":"Okay, I do. I'm"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":170.8,"endTime":172.72,"body":"gonna be honest with you. I love"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":172.72,"endTime":175.66,"body":"this go deeper, go home thing."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":172.72,"endTime":175.66,"body":"There's been so much brokenness"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":175.66,"endTime":178.12,"body":"in my story. And you know, we"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":175.66,"endTime":178.12,"body":"don't have to fall into the pain"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":178.12,"endTime":181.08,"body":"comparison trap, because all of"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":178.12,"endTime":181.08,"body":"us have had brokenness in our"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":181.08,"endTime":184.32,"body":"life. We live in a fallen,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":181.08,"endTime":184.32,"body":"broken world. This is what we've"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":184.32,"endTime":186.72,"body":"been dealt, the cards that we've"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":184.32,"endTime":186.72,"body":"been dealt. And for me"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":186.78,"endTime":189.66,"body":"personally, there's been so"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":186.78,"endTime":189.66,"body":"much. I mean, I was exposed to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":189.66,"endTime":193.2,"body":"pornography when I was just a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":189.66,"endTime":193.2,"body":"little girl at seven, my mom was"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":193.2,"endTime":195.66,"body":"very sick growing up, my"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":193.2,"endTime":195.66,"body":"counselor would call it"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":195.66,"endTime":199.2,"body":"parentification, this idea of"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":195.66,"endTime":199.2,"body":"like you becoming a parent too"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":199.2,"endTime":202.28,"body":"soon, but just had to take care"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":199.2,"endTime":202.28,"body":"of my mom out of a place of"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":202.28,"endTime":208.22,"body":"survival. And really, I would"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":202.28,"endTime":208.22,"body":"say that a lot of my story and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":208.22,"endTime":211.34,"body":"the brokenness that's in it"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":208.22,"endTime":211.34,"body":"happened because of that. I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":211.34,"endTime":214.82,"body":"didn't have a mom that was able,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":211.34,"endTime":214.82,"body":"physically able to protect me. I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":214.82,"endTime":218.78,"body":"was exposed to so much. I lost"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":214.82,"endTime":218.78,"body":"my virginity at 13. I started"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":218.78,"endTime":221.8,"body":"drinking and smoking, doing"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":218.78,"endTime":221.8,"body":"alcohol, drugs, partying, all"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":221.8,"endTime":226.96,"body":"the things, okay at 14 and 15"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":221.8,"endTime":226.96,"body":"and 16 and so promiscuity and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":227.44,"endTime":230.56,"body":"wild partying, all those things"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":227.44,"endTime":230.56,"body":"are part of my story. When I was"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":230.56,"endTime":234.1,"body":"just 19, I graduated college. I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":230.56,"endTime":234.1,"body":"graduated high school in three"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":234.1,"endTime":236.32,"body":"years in college, in three"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":234.1,"endTime":236.32,"body":"years. I was a little bit of a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":236.32,"endTime":238.78,"body":"nerd, but I kind of lived this"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":236.32,"endTime":238.78,"body":"double life where it was like"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":238.78,"endTime":241.5,"body":"nerd in school, but then like"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":238.78,"endTime":241.5,"body":"crazy party girl, for real, for"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":241.5,"endTime":244.86,"body":"real, and ended up getting with"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":241.5,"endTime":244.86,"body":"a guy that I knew for like,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":244.86,"endTime":247.44,"body":"three months, and moving from"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":244.86,"endTime":247.44,"body":"Texas, where I'm originally"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":247.44,"endTime":250.14,"body":"from, to Georgia. And I was"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":247.44,"endTime":250.14,"body":"like, let's go. Let's get"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":250.14,"endTime":253.74,"body":"married. Let's do the thing so"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":250.14,"endTime":253.74,"body":"bad. It was so so bad, so fast."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":253.74,"endTime":257.28,"body":"Okay, a lot of verbal abuse"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":253.74,"endTime":257.28,"body":"started off as verbal abuse"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":257.28,"endTime":260.1,"body":"turned into physical I ended up"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":257.28,"endTime":260.1,"body":"having a daughter in that"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":260.1,"endTime":263.84,"body":"marriage and getting a divorce"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":260.1,"endTime":263.84,"body":"when she was just one, I wanted"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":263.84,"endTime":267.8,"body":"to create more safety for her,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":263.84,"endTime":267.8,"body":"and ended up getting saved at 21"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":267.98,"endTime":271.22,"body":"and got into church ministry,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":267.98,"endTime":271.22,"body":"which is still crazy to me."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":271.22,"endTime":273.56,"body":"Every day I wake up, I'm like,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":271.22,"endTime":273.56,"body":"Lord, are you sure? Because I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":273.56,"endTime":276.02,"body":"don't really know what's going"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":273.56,"endTime":276.02,"body":"on here. Are you sure you want"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":276.02,"endTime":278.66,"body":"to use the crazy, wild party"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":276.02,"endTime":278.66,"body":"girl? He's like, yep, bring"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":278.66,"endTime":283.6,"body":"yourself on. And after I got a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":278.66,"endTime":283.6,"body":"divorce, I honestly thought that"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":283.6,"endTime":286.84,"body":"ministry was over for me. I had"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":283.6,"endTime":286.84,"body":"a lot of church hurt from my"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":286.84,"endTime":290.92,"body":"first church, and I thought my"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":286.84,"endTime":290.92,"body":"redemption story was starting"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":290.92,"endTime":293.98,"body":"because I got remarried to a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":290.92,"endTime":293.98,"body":"pastor, and I was like, This is"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":293.98,"endTime":298.6,"body":"it, baby, I have arrived. Okay."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":293.98,"endTime":298.6,"body":"This is it. It's gonna be great."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":298.72,"endTime":301.92,"body":"We were married for eight years."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":298.72,"endTime":301.92,"body":"He had a son, and the truth is,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":301.92,"endTime":305.88,"body":"I was hiding in the marriage."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":301.92,"endTime":305.88,"body":"Year two, I found out about"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":305.88,"endTime":309.66,"body":"infidelity, and there were just"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":305.88,"endTime":309.66,"body":"repeated acts of infidelity over"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":309.66,"endTime":313.14,"body":"and over again, sex addiction,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":309.66,"endTime":313.14,"body":"and it got to the point about"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":313.14,"endTime":317.52,"body":"two years ago where my ex"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":313.14,"endTime":317.52,"body":"husband called me and confessed"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":317.52,"endTime":320.96,"body":"that he'd been extorted, and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":317.52,"endTime":320.96,"body":"there was a video, and there's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":320.96,"endTime":323.78,"body":"just so much more infidelity"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":320.96,"endTime":323.78,"body":"that I did not know about. I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":323.78,"endTime":326.72,"body":"honestly thought that we were"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":323.78,"endTime":326.72,"body":"healing and growing and our"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":326.72,"endTime":330.26,"body":"marriage was taking a turn, and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":326.72,"endTime":330.26,"body":"it just wasn't, it just wasn't"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":330.26,"endTime":334.58,"body":"at all. And that was the moment"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":330.26,"endTime":334.58,"body":"where I think I probably felt"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":334.58,"endTime":337.88,"body":"hopelessness for the first time"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":334.58,"endTime":337.88,"body":"in my whole life. Even with all"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":337.88,"endTime":340.9,"body":"that trauma and brokenness and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":337.88,"endTime":340.9,"body":"all the things there, was still"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":340.9,"endTime":343.72,"body":"just like this Teletubby spirit"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":340.9,"endTime":343.72,"body":"that I've got in me that's like,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":343.96,"endTime":347.98,"body":"everything's great. Life is"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":343.96,"endTime":347.98,"body":"good, frolicking around. And"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":347.98,"endTime":349.9,"body":"what happens, I think,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":347.98,"endTime":349.9,"body":"naturally, when we get on a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":349.9,"endTime":352.78,"body":"healing journey, is that we kind"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":349.9,"endTime":352.78,"body":"of start ripping those band aids"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":352.78,"endTime":356.02,"body":"off, and we see that it really,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":352.78,"endTime":356.02,"body":"there's some wounds there that"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":356.02,"endTime":359.14,"body":"need surgery, and there was a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":356.02,"endTime":359.14,"body":"lot of wounds that needed"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":359.14,"endTime":363.12,"body":"surgery. And as a public figure,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":359.14,"endTime":363.12,"body":"you know divorce is hard."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":363.12,"endTime":366.36,"body":"Divorce in public is even"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":363.12,"endTime":366.36,"body":"harder. And there was just a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":366.36,"endTime":369.66,"body":"point where I knew that I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":366.36,"endTime":369.66,"body":"couldn't do it alone, and that"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":369.66,"endTime":373.32,"body":"was the point where I reached"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":369.66,"endTime":373.32,"body":"out to friends my community, and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":373.32,"endTime":376.92,"body":"I realized, maybe for the first"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":373.32,"endTime":376.92,"body":"time in my life, how desperately"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":376.98,"endTime":380.84,"body":"we need people, how desperately"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":376.98,"endTime":380.84,"body":"we need them, and that's why I'm"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":380.84,"endTime":383.9,"body":"here talking about this book."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":380.84,"endTime":383.9,"body":"Don't try this alone, telling"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":383.9,"endTime":388.16,"body":"people not from a place of pride"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":383.9,"endTime":388.16,"body":"or even leadership honestly,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":388.28,"endTime":392.36,"body":"from a place of personal"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":388.28,"endTime":392.36,"body":"conviction and doing it wrong a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":392.36,"endTime":396.44,"body":"few times, that truly, we should"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":392.36,"endTime":396.44,"body":"not be trying to live this life"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":396.44,"endTime":400.3,"body":"alone, especially trying to heal"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":396.44,"endTime":400.3,"body":"alone. And so there's a little"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":400.3,"endTime":401.98,"body":"bit of a go deeper. Go home for"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":400.3,"endTime":401.98,"body":"you."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":402.82,"endTime":405.28,"body":"Thanks for going"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":402.82,"endTime":405.28,"body":"deep. Thanks for going deep."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":405.28,"endTime":409.3,"body":"Yeah, when you said you finally"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":405.28,"endTime":409.3,"body":"hit this place of hopelessness,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":409.36,"endTime":412.66,"body":"you just, you're you're done,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":409.36,"endTime":412.66,"body":"you're hope like you don't have"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":412.66,"endTime":416.92,"body":"hope anymore. Some people think"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":412.66,"endTime":416.92,"body":"that hope means maybe if I"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":416.92,"endTime":421.38,"body":"change the morality of the"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":416.92,"endTime":421.38,"body":"story, like there's some hope,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":421.62,"endTime":426.3,"body":"or if I, you know, do something"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":421.62,"endTime":426.3,"body":"different, that's going to be my"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":426.3,"endTime":430.86,"body":"hope, yep. But so then, once you"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":426.3,"endTime":430.86,"body":"hit hopelessness, even when"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":430.86,"endTime":436.38,"body":"you're trying to do the right"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":430.86,"endTime":436.38,"body":"things, what was true hope for"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":436.38,"endTime":440.16,"body":"you? Where did you have you"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":436.38,"endTime":440.16,"body":"found true hope? Yet? Have you"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":440.16,"endTime":443.78,"body":"gotten there, if not, that's"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":440.16,"endTime":443.78,"body":"okay, but we can get there"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":443.78,"endTime":444.38,"body":"together."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":444.62,"endTime":446.84,"body":"Have we really"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":444.62,"endTime":446.84,"body":"arrived at all"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":446.84,"endTime":449.0,"body":"anyway? We'll"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":446.84,"endTime":449.0,"body":"never we'll never arrive."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":449.06,"endTime":454.28,"body":"But what I say"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":449.06,"endTime":454.28,"body":"now, I run some women's course"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":454.28,"endTime":456.98,"body":"groups on healing. We do like,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":454.28,"endTime":456.98,"body":"eight weeks once or twice a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":456.98,"endTime":459.86,"body":"year, and one of the things I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":456.98,"endTime":459.86,"body":"tell these women at the very"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":459.86,"endTime":463.42,"body":"beginning now is that hope"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":459.86,"endTime":463.42,"body":"really is just a belief that"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":463.42,"endTime":467.44,"body":"things can get better when we"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":463.42,"endTime":467.44,"body":"get to a point where we actually"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":467.44,"endTime":470.56,"body":"don't believe that there's more"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":467.44,"endTime":470.56,"body":"for us, that God is doing a good"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":470.56,"endTime":473.56,"body":"work in us, that actually the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":470.56,"endTime":473.56,"body":"pain is not worth it, but it's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":473.56,"endTime":478.96,"body":"100% not wasted, that anything"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":473.56,"endTime":478.96,"body":"and everyone can be redeemed,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":478.96,"endTime":482.28,"body":"which is kind of Hard to say,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":478.96,"endTime":482.28,"body":"especially in a situation like"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":482.28,"endTime":485.28,"body":"mine, where I had a whole"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":482.28,"endTime":485.28,"body":"marriage end an unwanted"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":485.28,"endTime":488.82,"body":"divorce, because someone"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":485.28,"endTime":488.82,"body":"wouldn't change, right? I still"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":488.82,"endTime":491.4,"body":"do deeply believe it, because"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":488.82,"endTime":491.4,"body":"I've seen it, and I've witnessed"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":491.4,"endTime":495.78,"body":"it, and the truth is, we have a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":491.4,"endTime":495.78,"body":"hope. It's anchored in Jesus,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":495.96,"endTime":499.62,"body":"and also it's anchored in the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":495.96,"endTime":499.62,"body":"way that we show up, right, the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":499.62,"endTime":503.9,"body":"way that we believe about this"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":499.62,"endTime":503.9,"body":"world and what we can offer, and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":504.32,"endTime":507.14,"body":"that's where the hope is coming"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":504.32,"endTime":507.14,"body":"from. Me, it's like no, no, no,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":507.5,"endTime":510.5,"body":"I've bounced back before. I've"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":507.5,"endTime":510.5,"body":"seen the goodness of the Lord in"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":510.5,"endTime":513.86,"body":"the land of the living before."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":510.5,"endTime":513.86,"body":"It's okay, like I can get back"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":513.86,"endTime":517.1,"body":"up again. And I think for many"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":513.86,"endTime":517.1,"body":"people, it's just hard to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":517.1,"endTime":520.24,"body":"believe that for themselves, and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":517.1,"endTime":520.24,"body":"so that may just mean that, like"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":520.24,"endTime":524.02,"body":"me, in a moment of hopelessness,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":520.24,"endTime":524.02,"body":"you need other people to give"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":524.02,"endTime":527.08,"body":"you hope, to let you borrow hope"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":524.02,"endTime":527.08,"body":"until you can hope for yourself"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":527.08,"endTime":529.36,"body":"again. We're in"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":527.08,"endTime":529.36,"body":"a day and age, though, where"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":529.42,"endTime":535.12,"body":"community has let us down. We"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":529.42,"endTime":535.12,"body":"are in places where we've looked"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":535.12,"endTime":539.38,"body":"up to to leaders and they're not"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":535.12,"endTime":539.38,"body":"the people we thought they were."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":539.44,"endTime":543.0,"body":"Yeah, there is different types"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":539.44,"endTime":543.0,"body":"of abuse. There's there's other"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":543.0,"endTime":547.08,"body":"things that community is like,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":543.0,"endTime":547.08,"body":"Man, I don't want it anymore. I"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":547.08,"endTime":553.08,"body":"want Jesus. I don't want his"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":547.08,"endTime":553.08,"body":"body. I where people are at,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":553.32,"endTime":558.84,"body":"yeah, for some strange reason,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":553.32,"endTime":558.84,"body":"Jesus decided to use humans,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":559.08,"endTime":562.52,"body":"yeah, his hands and feet to be"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":559.08,"endTime":562.52,"body":"the embodiment of him, to"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":562.64,"endTime":566.48,"body":"absolutely that we need one"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":562.64,"endTime":566.48,"body":"another. How do we continue"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":566.48,"endTime":569.6,"body":"like? What does healthy"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":566.48,"endTime":569.6,"body":"community look like? How do we"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":569.6,"endTime":574.34,"body":"build some of that health? Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":569.6,"endTime":574.34,"body":"air that it actually reflects"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":574.4,"endTime":579.2,"body":"more of Jesus than it does our"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":574.4,"endTime":579.2,"body":"broken humanity."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":636.26,"endTime":637.9,"body":"Well, I think one"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":636.26,"endTime":637.9,"body":"of the things that you first"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":637.96,"endTime":641.1999999999999,"body":"said touches on one of my"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":637.96,"endTime":641.1999999999999,"body":"points, and it's we've really"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":641.1999999999999,"endTime":646.48,"body":"put a lot of eggs in the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":641.1999999999999,"endTime":646.48,"body":"pastoral leadership basket. We"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":646.54,"endTime":650.0799999999999,"body":"are quite literally putting"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":646.54,"endTime":650.0799999999999,"body":"people on pedestals that we want"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":650.0799999999999,"endTime":653.4399999999999,"body":"to rip them off of when we"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":650.0799999999999,"endTime":653.4399999999999,"body":"realize that they're human and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":653.4399999999999,"endTime":657.36,"body":"our tension is that, you know,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":653.4399999999999,"endTime":657.36,"body":"Jesus came. To level the playing"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":657.36,"endTime":661.0799999999999,"body":"field like I don't know what"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":657.36,"endTime":661.0799999999999,"body":"happened somewhere along the way"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":661.0799999999999,"endTime":664.74,"body":"with the church, but somebody"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":661.0799999999999,"endTime":664.74,"body":"convinced somebody, and a whole"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":664.74,"endTime":668.28,"body":"generation of people, that Jesus"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":664.74,"endTime":668.28,"body":"did not level the playing field,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":668.4,"endTime":671.22,"body":"that actually pastors and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":668.4,"endTime":671.22,"body":"leaders and your favorite Bible"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":671.22,"endTime":673.74,"body":"teacher and your favorite"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":671.22,"endTime":673.74,"body":"worship leader have somewhat"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":674.4,"endTime":677.66,"body":"developed this access to God"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":674.4,"endTime":677.66,"body":"that everyone doesn't have and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":677.66,"endTime":682.34,"body":"that's just not true. And and so"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":677.66,"endTime":682.34,"body":"I think we start there. It's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":682.34,"endTime":685.8199999999999,"body":"that we are all human, and we"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":682.34,"endTime":685.8199999999999,"body":"cannot make pastors and leaders"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":685.8199999999999,"endTime":689.24,"body":"our Savior. We actually have to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":685.8199999999999,"endTime":689.24,"body":"let Jesus be our Savior, and we"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":689.24,"endTime":692.54,"body":"have to stop putting people on"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":689.24,"endTime":692.54,"body":"pedestals. And it's it's our"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":692.54,"endTime":696.14,"body":"responsibility as leaders as"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":692.54,"endTime":696.14,"body":"well. I am very like anti"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":696.14,"endTime":699.4,"body":"celebrity culture in the church,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":696.14,"endTime":699.4,"body":"I'm just not in for it. And the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":699.4,"endTime":704.92,"body":"truth is, yes, consumers,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":699.4,"endTime":704.92,"body":"members, followers, whatever you"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":704.92,"endTime":709.36,"body":"got to control your desire to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":704.92,"endTime":709.36,"body":"idolize people. But as leaders,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":709.36,"endTime":712.18,"body":"we also have to push back on it."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":709.36,"endTime":712.18,"body":"Oh, wait, no, that's weird."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":712.18,"endTime":715.36,"body":"Don't do that like I'm"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":712.18,"endTime":715.36,"body":"imperfect, I'm flawed. We also"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":715.36,"endTime":718.26,"body":"have to practice being"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":715.36,"endTime":718.26,"body":"vulnerable and honest about our"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":718.26,"endTime":721.38,"body":"flaws. I think nine times out of"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":718.26,"endTime":721.38,"body":"10 you get into a relationship"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":721.38,"endTime":724.14,"body":"with someone and you get hurt"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":721.38,"endTime":724.14,"body":"because your expectations aren't"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":724.14,"endTime":726.78,"body":"met, because you've had"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":724.14,"endTime":726.78,"body":"expectations that don't align"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":726.78,"endTime":730.1999999999999,"body":"with their abilities. And so"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":726.78,"endTime":730.1999999999999,"body":"what happens naturally is that"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":730.1999999999999,"endTime":733.92,"body":"people start exposing their"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":730.1999999999999,"endTime":733.92,"body":"addictions, not you know, all"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":733.92,"endTime":736.1999999999999,"body":"these different things in a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":733.92,"endTime":736.1999999999999,"body":"relationship, and you're shocked"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":736.1999999999999,"endTime":738.5,"body":"and disappointed, but it's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":736.1999999999999,"endTime":738.5,"body":"because there was a lack of"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":738.5,"endTime":741.68,"body":"vulnerability and honesty. If"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":738.5,"endTime":741.68,"body":"you get into a relationship with"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":741.68,"endTime":745.8199999999999,"body":"me, you will know very quickly I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":741.68,"endTime":745.8199999999999,"body":"have ADHD, okay, blame it on my"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":745.8199999999999,"endTime":749.06,"body":"mind, not my heart. I may forget"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":745.8199999999999,"endTime":749.06,"body":"things. I may forget to call you"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":749.06,"endTime":752.66,"body":"back like I struggle with this,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":749.06,"endTime":752.66,"body":"you'll know these things about"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":752.66,"endTime":755.06,"body":"me on the front end, because I'm"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":752.66,"endTime":755.06,"body":"not afraid to be vulnerable"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":755.06,"endTime":758.56,"body":"about who I am and my"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":755.06,"endTime":758.56,"body":"weaknesses. I'm not afraid to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":758.56,"endTime":761.86,"body":"talk about my past addictions"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":758.56,"endTime":761.86,"body":"and the things that have really"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":761.86,"endTime":766.06,"body":"held me up. I'm not afraid to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":761.86,"endTime":766.06,"body":"say I had to stop with alcohol"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":766.06,"endTime":769.78,"body":"completely because I don't have"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":766.06,"endTime":769.78,"body":"self control in that area. It is"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":769.78,"endTime":772.6,"body":"what it is. And the Bible, and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":769.78,"endTime":772.6,"body":"my knowledge of the Bible, does"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":772.6,"endTime":776.14,"body":"not change that weakness, but it"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":772.6,"endTime":776.14,"body":"gives me the ability to say,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":776.1999999999999,"endTime":780.6,"body":"here is a weakness. This is"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":776.1999999999999,"endTime":780.6,"body":"where I may fall short. This is"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":780.6,"endTime":785.9399999999999,"body":"what you can expect. And now you"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":780.6,"endTime":785.9399999999999,"body":"get to actually see that God is"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":785.9399999999999,"endTime":790.62,"body":"big. Because if God would still"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":785.9399999999999,"endTime":790.62,"body":"use me a crazy, flawed ex"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":790.74,"endTime":795.3,"body":"addict, crazy party girl, then"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":790.74,"endTime":795.3,"body":"he can use anyone. And I think"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":795.3,"endTime":798.68,"body":"that's the tension in us trying"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":795.3,"endTime":798.68,"body":"to build community. The last"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":798.68,"endTime":801.3199999999999,"body":"thing I'll say about this is"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":798.68,"endTime":801.3199999999999,"body":"actually not my words at all. I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":801.3199999999999,"endTime":805.1,"body":"was just filming with um, two"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":801.3199999999999,"endTime":805.1,"body":"incredible leaders, Crystal"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":805.28,"endTime":809.0,"body":"Evans Hurst and Sheila Walsh,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":805.28,"endTime":809.0,"body":"and they said something so"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":809.0,"endTime":812.0,"body":"profound that changed the game"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":809.0,"endTime":812.0,"body":"for me when it comes to betrayal"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":812.0,"endTime":815.0,"body":"and building community and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":812.0,"endTime":815.0,"body":"trusting again. Sheila Walsh"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":815.0,"endTime":819.9399999999999,"body":"said the beauty of the 11"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":815.0,"endTime":819.9399999999999,"body":"outweighs the betrayal of the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":820.06,"endTime":824.26,"body":"one. And she was talking about"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":820.06,"endTime":824.26,"body":"the disciples and Judas. Come"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":824.26,"endTime":828.16,"body":"on. The truth is Jesus knew"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":824.26,"endTime":828.16,"body":"Judas would betray him, and he"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":828.16,"endTime":831.6999999999999,"body":"allowed the other disciples to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":828.16,"endTime":831.6999999999999,"body":"see it happen. He also knew that"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":831.6999999999999,"endTime":833.98,"body":"Peter would betray him. Let's be"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":831.6999999999999,"endTime":833.98,"body":"honest. There was a couple"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":833.98,"endTime":838.02,"body":"betrayers in the group. Okay."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":833.98,"endTime":838.02,"body":"Peter would deny even knowing"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":838.02,"endTime":842.76,"body":"him, which is such a crazy form"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":838.02,"endTime":842.76,"body":"of betrayal, and he would show"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":842.76,"endTime":846.6,"body":"us what it looks like to go"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":842.76,"endTime":846.6,"body":"after Peter again, to believe in"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":846.6,"endTime":850.3199999999999,"body":"Him again, to love him again, to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":846.6,"endTime":850.3199999999999,"body":"put boundaries around him,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":850.3199999999999,"endTime":852.72,"body":"healthy boundaries, because"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":850.3199999999999,"endTime":852.72,"body":"boundaries are biblical, which"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":852.72,"endTime":856.26,"body":"maybe is another conversation."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":852.72,"endTime":856.26,"body":"But Jesus taught us that we can"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":856.26,"endTime":859.1,"body":"have these friendship circles,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":856.26,"endTime":859.1,"body":"and we can trust in people again"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":859.1,"endTime":862.52,"body":"and believe in people again and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":859.1,"endTime":862.52,"body":"rebuild everything again,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":862.88,"endTime":866.12,"body":"vulnerability"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":862.88,"endTime":866.12,"body":"and weakness. Of Paul's boasting"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":866.12,"endTime":869.78,"body":"in his weakness and saying, you"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":866.12,"endTime":869.78,"body":"know, the power of Christ will"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":869.78,"endTime":873.38,"body":"come through me like so that"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":869.78,"endTime":873.38,"body":"Christ could be lifted up. How"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":873.38,"endTime":877.84,"body":"do we do that? Well, when we"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":873.38,"endTime":877.84,"body":"think like, Hey, I'm just gonna"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":877.84,"endTime":881.5,"body":"dump, like, trauma dump on on"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":877.84,"endTime":881.5,"body":"people. Like, that's gonna be"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":881.5,"endTime":885.1,"body":"weakness. And so Jesus is"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":881.5,"endTime":885.1,"body":"actually working in here, but"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":885.1,"endTime":888.88,"body":"that's not actually healthy and"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":885.1,"endTime":888.88,"body":"good if we trauma dump. So what"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":888.88,"endTime":892.72,"body":"does it look like to to really,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":888.88,"endTime":892.72,"body":"truly be weak so that Christ can"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":892.72,"endTime":893.4399999999999,"body":"work through us?"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":893.4399999999999,"endTime":896.1999999999999,"body":"Yeah, I think it's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":893.4399999999999,"endTime":896.1999999999999,"body":"actually two things. I think the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":896.1999999999999,"endTime":898.4399999999999,"body":"first thing, and I've always"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":896.1999999999999,"endTime":898.4399999999999,"body":"said this, people are like,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":898.4399999999999,"endTime":900.42,"body":"whoa, Tony. You're so"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":898.4399999999999,"endTime":900.42,"body":"vulnerable. You're so honest"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":900.42,"endTime":903.18,"body":"about your story, like we know"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":900.42,"endTime":903.18,"body":"everything about you. And the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":903.18,"endTime":906.12,"body":"truth is, people may know"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":903.18,"endTime":906.12,"body":"everything about me, but"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":906.18,"endTime":909.0,"body":"actually you know everything"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":906.18,"endTime":909.0,"body":"about me in certain seasons and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":909.0,"endTime":912.72,"body":"certain timing. Because I think"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":909.0,"endTime":912.72,"body":"the litmus test for us, the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":912.72,"endTime":916.26,"body":"filter that we have to put our"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":912.72,"endTime":916.26,"body":"vulnerability through, is, am I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":916.26,"endTime":919.9399999999999,"body":"bitter about this or hopeful"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":916.26,"endTime":919.9399999999999,"body":"about this. The truth is, when I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":919.9399999999999,"endTime":923.3,"body":"first found out that my ex"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":919.9399999999999,"endTime":923.3,"body":"husband was still cheating and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":923.3,"endTime":925.88,"body":"was being extorted and had,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":923.3,"endTime":925.88,"body":"like, sent all this money to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":925.88,"endTime":929.42,"body":"this person, it was crazy. I did"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":925.88,"endTime":929.42,"body":"not process it well, on social"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":929.42,"endTime":933.1999999999999,"body":"media, I actually started being"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":929.42,"endTime":933.1999999999999,"body":"a little feisty, a little"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":933.1999999999999,"endTime":937.42,"body":"subliminal. I went on Facebook,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":933.1999999999999,"endTime":937.42,"body":"took my marriage relationship"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":937.42,"endTime":940.3,"body":"status down. Changed it to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":937.42,"endTime":940.3,"body":"single out, because I got some"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":940.3,"endTime":945.88,"body":"spice in me. Okay, the spice is"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":940.3,"endTime":945.88,"body":"there, honey. And then I had a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":945.88,"endTime":948.5799999999999,"body":"leader, friend, two leaders,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":945.88,"endTime":948.5799999999999,"body":"Gerald and Reed, and they text"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":948.5799999999999,"endTime":951.4,"body":"me, and they were like, hey,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":948.5799999999999,"endTime":951.4,"body":"this doesn't look great. You"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":951.4,"endTime":953.86,"body":"don't need to do this publicly."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":951.4,"endTime":953.86,"body":"You got to figure out another"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":953.86,"endTime":956.88,"body":"way to do this. I ended up"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":953.86,"endTime":956.88,"body":"putting an advisory. Board in"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":956.88,"endTime":960.3,"body":"place to kind of protect me in"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":956.88,"endTime":960.3,"body":"some of my weakest moments, and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":960.42,"endTime":964.02,"body":"steward me and lead me to better"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":960.42,"endTime":964.02,"body":"decisions online. Because I've"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":964.0799999999999,"endTime":967.1999999999999,"body":"always filtered leadership and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":964.0799999999999,"endTime":967.1999999999999,"body":"vulnerability through this"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":967.1999999999999,"endTime":969.78,"body":"filter. And the filter is, Are"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":967.1999999999999,"endTime":969.78,"body":"you hopeful about it, or are you"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":969.78,"endTime":975.18,"body":"bitter? And I was bitter, and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":969.78,"endTime":975.18,"body":"time needed to pass for me to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":975.18,"endTime":978.26,"body":"heal so that I could get to a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":975.18,"endTime":978.26,"body":"hopeful place and talk about it"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":978.26,"endTime":980.96,"body":"from that place. And the truth"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":978.26,"endTime":980.96,"body":"is we know that. We know the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":980.96,"endTime":984.68,"body":"difference of somebody posting a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":980.96,"endTime":984.68,"body":"status on Facebook, looking"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":984.68,"endTime":987.62,"body":"crazy, telling all their"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":984.68,"endTime":987.62,"body":"business about to lose their"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":987.62,"endTime":990.3199999999999,"body":"job, okay, because they didn't"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":987.62,"endTime":990.3199999999999,"body":"put all their business out"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":990.3199999999999,"endTime":996.3199999999999,"body":"there. And we know when someone"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":990.3199999999999,"endTime":996.3199999999999,"body":"has healed enough to be hopeful"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":996.3199999999999,"endTime":1000.12,"body":"about the pain, and that's the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":996.3199999999999,"endTime":1000.12,"body":"litmus test. The second thing is"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1000.12,"endTime":1004.8,"body":"that we have to form friendship"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1000.12,"endTime":1004.8,"body":"circles. I talk about this in my"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1004.8,"endTime":1008.28,"body":"new book. Even Jesus had"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1004.8,"endTime":1008.28,"body":"circles, and we see them so"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1008.28,"endTime":1011.9399999999999,"body":"clearly outlined. If we were to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1008.28,"endTime":1011.9399999999999,"body":"crack open our Bibles, the truth"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1011.9399999999999,"endTime":1016.4399999999999,"body":"is his most intimate circle was"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1011.9399999999999,"endTime":1016.4399999999999,"body":"him and God. There were moments"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1016.4399999999999,"endTime":1019.46,"body":"where no one else was around,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1016.4399999999999,"endTime":1019.46,"body":"except for him and the Lord, his"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1019.46,"endTime":1022.88,"body":"most intimate, vulnerable"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1019.46,"endTime":1022.88,"body":"moments outside of that circle,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1022.88,"endTime":1026.0,"body":"the next circle was just three"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1022.88,"endTime":1026.0,"body":"disciples, actually, not all 12."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1026.3,"endTime":1029.48,"body":"We see that in the Garden of"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1026.3,"endTime":1029.48,"body":"Gethsemane, when he only brought"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1029.48,"endTime":1032.24,"body":"three clothes, Peter, James and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1029.48,"endTime":1032.24,"body":"John and them suckers, still"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1032.24,"endTime":1035.96,"body":"fell asleep. Let's talk about"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1032.24,"endTime":1035.96,"body":"that. Okay, they did but, but"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1036.08,"endTime":1038.8,"body":"the other disciples, for some"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1036.08,"endTime":1038.8,"body":"odd reason, we're not invited"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1038.8,"endTime":1041.8600000000001,"body":"into that vulnerable space. He"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1038.8,"endTime":1041.8600000000001,"body":"only chose three, and we see the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1041.8600000000001,"endTime":1045.4,"body":"through line of Jesus's trust"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1041.8600000000001,"endTime":1045.4,"body":"with Peter, James and John, post"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1045.76,"endTime":1050.68,"body":"crucifixion. Then we see the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1045.76,"endTime":1050.68,"body":"other disciples. We have to get"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1050.68,"endTime":1056.44,"body":"good at creating circles that"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1050.68,"endTime":1056.44,"body":"can be shields for us to share"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1056.44,"endTime":1060.0,"body":"our vulnerability until we can"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1056.44,"endTime":1060.0,"body":"share it with others. There has"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1060.0,"endTime":1062.76,"body":"to be your three. There has to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1060.0,"endTime":1062.76,"body":"be God. First, take a pit stop"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1062.76,"endTime":1065.82,"body":"at the feet of Jesus and be"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1062.76,"endTime":1065.82,"body":"vulnerable and honest. That's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1065.82,"endTime":1069.54,"body":"your practice ground. And then"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1065.82,"endTime":1069.54,"body":"who are your like close people?"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1069.96,"endTime":1072.9,"body":"Who are your people that are"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1069.96,"endTime":1072.9,"body":"safe, that you can trust and be"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1072.96,"endTime":1077.96,"body":"honest with, and that, I think,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1072.96,"endTime":1077.96,"body":"shields us from being all up on"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1077.96,"endTime":1080.42,"body":"social media, looking crazy like"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1077.96,"endTime":1080.42,"body":"I was,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1081.08,"endTime":1083.84,"body":"when people have"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1081.08,"endTime":1083.84,"body":"betrayal after betrayal and get"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1083.84,"endTime":1087.98,"body":"hurt and say, I'm gonna open"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1083.84,"endTime":1087.98,"body":"myself up and I'm going to then"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1088.16,"endTime":1091.76,"body":"try to actually cultivate these"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1088.16,"endTime":1091.76,"body":"close friendships so that I"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1091.76,"endTime":1095.42,"body":"could be okay I get another"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1091.76,"endTime":1095.42,"body":"betrayal. How do we continue to"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1095.42,"endTime":1100.12,"body":"foster community so that we can"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1095.42,"endTime":1100.12,"body":"continue to heal, even though we"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1100.18,"endTime":1104.68,"body":"know that, hey, Judas is there"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1100.18,"endTime":1104.68,"body":"in the room. We have our"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1104.68,"endTime":1109.06,"body":"betrayers. It's happening, yeah?"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1104.68,"endTime":1109.06,"body":"How do we continue in it? Like,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1109.06,"endTime":1113.74,"body":"it makes me want to give up at"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1109.06,"endTime":1113.74,"body":"times. Like, okay, here it goes"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1113.74,"endTime":1116.56,"body":"again. Yeah? Like, so what's"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1113.74,"endTime":1116.56,"body":"what"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1116.56,"endTime":1119.1,"body":"do we do? What do"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1116.56,"endTime":1119.1,"body":"we do? I'm gonna be honest. This"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1119.1,"endTime":1123.3,"body":"is a spicy answer, but I had to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1119.1,"endTime":1123.3,"body":"do it myself. We have to look"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1123.3,"endTime":1127.08,"body":"inward. Oftentimes, some of the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1123.3,"endTime":1127.08,"body":"reasons why we end up in"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1127.08,"endTime":1130.44,"body":"repeated situations where we've"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1127.08,"endTime":1130.44,"body":"been betrayed is because we"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1130.5,"endTime":1138.8,"body":"attract it. Oh, jeez. The truth"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1130.5,"endTime":1138.8,"body":"is, I attracted unhealthy men in"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1138.8,"endTime":1142.7,"body":"my life because I was unhealthy"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1138.8,"endTime":1142.7,"body":"and I wasn't unhealthy by"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1142.7,"endTime":1146.0,"body":"choice. I had a dad who's an"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1142.7,"endTime":1146.0,"body":"alcoholic, very verbally abusive"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1146.0,"endTime":1148.8799999999999,"body":"in so many ways, we have since"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1146.0,"endTime":1148.8799999999999,"body":"redeemed our whole relationship."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1148.8799999999999,"endTime":1151.82,"body":"That's another conversation."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1148.8799999999999,"endTime":1151.82,"body":"It's beautiful. I'm grateful for"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1151.82,"endTime":1155.12,"body":"it. But the truth is our most"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1151.82,"endTime":1155.12,"body":"formative years in the way that"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1155.12,"endTime":1160.54,"body":"our neuro pathways form is from"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1155.12,"endTime":1160.54,"body":"zero to 13, we are learning how"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1160.54,"endTime":1164.3799999999999,"body":"to be treated and how to treat"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1160.54,"endTime":1164.3799999999999,"body":"others during those years. So"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1164.3799999999999,"endTime":1168.04,"body":"whatever that cultivated in you,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1164.3799999999999,"endTime":1168.04,"body":"you carry that into all your"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1168.04,"endTime":1171.8799999999999,"body":"relationships. And that's what I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1168.04,"endTime":1171.8799999999999,"body":"did. I attracted men who were"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1171.94,"endTime":1175.06,"body":"aggressive, yelling, screaming,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1171.94,"endTime":1175.06,"body":"and thought that was love,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1175.06,"endTime":1179.7,"body":"because that's what I saw in my"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1175.06,"endTime":1179.7,"body":"dad. I made men my savior"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1179.76,"endTime":1184.26,"body":"instead of my partner, because I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1179.76,"endTime":1184.26,"body":"didn't have a Savior. I didn't"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1184.26,"endTime":1188.1,"body":"get saved until I was 21 I was,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1184.26,"endTime":1188.1,"body":"you know, deep in the trenches"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1188.1,"endTime":1193.32,"body":"of all kinds of sin, and at the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1188.1,"endTime":1193.32,"body":"end of the day, we as humans, we"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1193.56,"endTime":1196.94,"body":"we have this thing in us that"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1193.56,"endTime":1196.94,"body":"the Lord, I think, has put in us"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1196.94,"endTime":1200.6,"body":"that we crave for something and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1196.94,"endTime":1200.6,"body":"someone to follow. And the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1200.6,"endTime":1205.04,"body":"problem is we exchange God for"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1200.6,"endTime":1205.04,"body":"everything else that's easy, my"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1205.04,"endTime":1208.1,"body":"boyfriend, my girlfriend,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1205.04,"endTime":1208.1,"body":"addictions. I mean, for me,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1208.22,"endTime":1211.94,"body":"alcohol, we drugs, all kind of"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1208.22,"endTime":1211.94,"body":"x, all that stuff, because we,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1212.06,"endTime":1215.18,"body":"our bodies, are longing to be"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1212.06,"endTime":1215.18,"body":"deeply connected to someone"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1215.18,"endTime":1218.86,"body":"who's trustworthy. And that's in"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1215.18,"endTime":1218.86,"body":"Jesus. And so I definitely think"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1218.86,"endTime":1222.22,"body":"the first thing that we have to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1218.86,"endTime":1222.22,"body":"do is look inward heal some of"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1222.22,"endTime":1227.5,"body":"the things that we have. I know"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1222.22,"endTime":1227.5,"body":"that the future of relationships"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1227.5,"endTime":1231.6399999999999,"body":"for me will be healthier because"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1227.5,"endTime":1231.6399999999999,"body":"I can see things now that I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1231.6399999999999,"endTime":1233.2,"body":"didn't see before my unhealth."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1233.44,"endTime":1235.66,"body":"I mean growing"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1233.44,"endTime":1235.66,"body":"up, if you have these disordered"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1235.66,"endTime":1239.22,"body":"attachments that you know, hey,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1235.66,"endTime":1239.22,"body":"this is what you were given."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1239.34,"endTime":1246.72,"body":"Attachment to love is not safe,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1239.34,"endTime":1246.72,"body":"and to others. How did you start"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1246.72,"endTime":1250.1399999999999,"body":"to form a healthy attachment to"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1246.72,"endTime":1250.1399999999999,"body":"God so that you could actually"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1250.1399999999999,"endTime":1254.4,"body":"see that he's the the one, he's"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1250.1399999999999,"endTime":1254.4,"body":"the savior, he's the one that is"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1254.4,"endTime":1257.24,"body":"trustworthy, that you could go"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1254.4,"endTime":1257.24,"body":"to, that you. He will not"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1257.24,"endTime":1258.44,"body":"forsake you in the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1258.44,"endTime":1261.68,"body":"middle of things,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1258.44,"endTime":1261.68,"body":"well, there's two things. Number"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1261.86,"endTime":1265.34,"body":"one, I had to develop a faith of"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1261.86,"endTime":1265.34,"body":"my very own. I had a very"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1265.34,"endTime":1268.6399999999999,"body":"fragile faith at first. At 21 I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1265.34,"endTime":1268.6399999999999,"body":"got saved. I hopped into a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1268.6399999999999,"endTime":1271.76,"body":"church that didn't really have a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1268.6399999999999,"endTime":1271.76,"body":"good discipleship model. So it"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1271.76,"endTime":1275.54,"body":"was like the pastor, the pastor,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1271.76,"endTime":1275.54,"body":"the pastor, the pastor, and his"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1275.54,"endTime":1278.86,"body":"depiction of God was, God's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1275.54,"endTime":1278.86,"body":"going to be mad at you if you"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1278.86,"endTime":1282.58,"body":"don't do what he says that if"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1278.86,"endTime":1282.58,"body":"you don't tithe enough, do"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1282.6399999999999,"endTime":1286.72,"body":"enough, serve enough, like very"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1282.6399999999999,"endTime":1286.72,"body":"performative, very prosperity"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1286.72,"endTime":1291.46,"body":"gospel, that's what my faith was"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1286.72,"endTime":1291.46,"body":"formed in, right? So then, when"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1291.46,"endTime":1294.4,"body":"I started to get mentors in my"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1291.46,"endTime":1294.4,"body":"life who were a little bit"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1294.4,"endTime":1297.78,"body":"healthier, who had a little a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1294.4,"endTime":1297.78,"body":"better view of God and who he"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1297.78,"endTime":1302.46,"body":"was, they started to say, you"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1297.78,"endTime":1302.46,"body":"know, that's not true. The Bible"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1302.46,"endTime":1305.22,"body":"actually says this, right? Which"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1302.46,"endTime":1305.22,"body":"is honestly the tension with"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1305.22,"endTime":1308.58,"body":"prosperity gospel, because ain't"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1305.22,"endTime":1308.58,"body":"barely no scriptures being used"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1308.58,"endTime":1312.0,"body":"at all, okay? Or they're being"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1308.58,"endTime":1312.0,"body":"thwarted with no context."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1312.18,"endTime":1315.24,"body":"They're dry and they're skinny"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1312.18,"endTime":1315.24,"body":"and they are used to prove a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1315.24,"endTime":1318.92,"body":"point versus proving a Savior."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1315.24,"endTime":1318.92,"body":"You know, it's crazy, but"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1318.92,"endTime":1325.1,"body":"anyways, so at first, I had to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1318.92,"endTime":1325.1,"body":"develop enough fortitude. And"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1325.1,"endTime":1328.58,"body":"also, again, this goes back to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1325.1,"endTime":1328.58,"body":"community, enough trusted people"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1328.58,"endTime":1333.74,"body":"around me to help me reshape my"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1328.58,"endTime":1333.74,"body":"faith in God. I went to a new"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1333.74,"endTime":1336.08,"body":"church, North Point, ministries"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1333.74,"endTime":1336.08,"body":"under the leadership of Andy"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1336.08,"endTime":1339.82,"body":"Stanley for almost eight years,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1336.08,"endTime":1339.82,"body":"and it totally changed the way I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1339.82,"endTime":1345.94,"body":"see I saw God, because at that"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1339.82,"endTime":1345.94,"body":"church, a healthy God was rooted"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1345.94,"endTime":1349.0,"body":"out of a healthy church"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1345.94,"endTime":1349.0,"body":"environment, the people were"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1349.0,"endTime":1353.44,"body":"healthy, and so they pointed to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1349.0,"endTime":1353.44,"body":"a version of God that was true"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1353.68,"endTime":1357.3,"body":"and pure and healthy. No, God is"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1353.68,"endTime":1357.3,"body":"not turning his back on you"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1357.3,"endTime":1361.44,"body":"because you didn't give the $100"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1357.3,"endTime":1361.44,"body":"in the tithe. Call, okay, no, he"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1361.44,"endTime":1364.98,"body":"is longing for presence and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1361.44,"endTime":1364.98,"body":"witness with you. He wants to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1364.98,"endTime":1368.7,"body":"equip you, show you, talk to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1364.98,"endTime":1368.7,"body":"you, comfort you. All these"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1368.7,"endTime":1372.78,"body":"things that I just did not"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1368.7,"endTime":1372.78,"body":"believe God could do. I mean, I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1372.78,"endTime":1375.3,"body":"was just like, shocked. I was"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1372.78,"endTime":1375.3,"body":"like, well, he's so nice. What"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1375.3,"endTime":1379.1,"body":"happened? It's like, Well, duh,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1375.3,"endTime":1379.1,"body":"you know. And and I think that"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1379.1,"endTime":1385.4,"body":"starts with us choosing again,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1379.1,"endTime":1385.4,"body":"counseling community and a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1385.4,"endTime":1390.5,"body":"healthy church really help it"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1385.4,"endTime":1390.5,"body":"matters. But the truth is, our"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1390.5,"endTime":1395.3,"body":"faith starts and ends with us,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1390.5,"endTime":1395.3,"body":"and so we have to develop a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1395.3,"endTime":1398.62,"body":"personal relationship with the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1395.3,"endTime":1398.62,"body":"God of the universe enough to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1398.62,"endTime":1402.34,"body":"know His voice that when you go"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1398.62,"endTime":1402.34,"body":"into a church that pretends that"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1402.34,"endTime":1404.86,"body":"it's his voice and it's not"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1402.34,"endTime":1404.86,"body":"really you know it for yourself."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1405.04,"endTime":1408.16,"body":"We also live in"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1405.04,"endTime":1408.16,"body":"a culture where some pockets of"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1408.16,"endTime":1413.92,"body":"Christianity worship a idealized"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1408.16,"endTime":1413.92,"body":"version of family with mom and"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1413.92,"endTime":1419.16,"body":"dad, two kids, yep, my picket"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1413.92,"endTime":1419.16,"body":"fence, and this is what God's"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1419.22,"endTime":1424.02,"body":"intention is for family. Jesus"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1419.22,"endTime":1424.02,"body":"said some crazy things, like,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1424.02,"endTime":1428.52,"body":"hey, unless you hate your mother"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1424.02,"endTime":1428.52,"body":"and father, brother, sister, you"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1428.52,"endTime":1431.82,"body":"can't follow me. And he says"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1428.52,"endTime":1431.82,"body":"you're going to form a new"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1431.82,"endTime":1436.44,"body":"family. Like this is we have a"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1431.82,"endTime":1436.44,"body":"new family now, when we're with"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1436.44,"endTime":1441.5,"body":"God, how do we navigate"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1436.44,"endTime":1441.5,"body":"singleness and marriage that's"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1441.5,"endTime":1447.68,"body":"good and a new family and we're"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1441.5,"endTime":1447.68,"body":"looking for places of healing"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1447.68,"endTime":1451.46,"body":"and growth, and what it looks"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1447.68,"endTime":1451.46,"body":"like for us as believers, I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1451.7,"endTime":1453.56,"body":"love that you"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1451.7,"endTime":1453.56,"body":"asked that question because it"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1453.56,"endTime":1456.7,"body":"gives me the opportunity to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1453.56,"endTime":1456.7,"body":"offer up the reality that I Have"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1456.7,"endTime":1459.8799999999999,"body":"a weird family dynamic to some"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1456.7,"endTime":1459.8799999999999,"body":"people, right? Like, I'm a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1459.8799999999999,"endTime":1463.54,"body":"single mama. I've got a 10 year"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1459.8799999999999,"endTime":1463.54,"body":"old strong will blessing who is"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1463.54,"endTime":1466.18,"body":"just giving us a run for our"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1463.54,"endTime":1466.18,"body":"money right now, my sweet"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1466.18,"endTime":1469.6,"body":"daughter, Dylan, I've got a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1466.18,"endTime":1469.6,"body":"three year old boy, Sammy, who"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1469.66,"endTime":1472.48,"body":"is he just runs. He just runs,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1469.66,"endTime":1472.48,"body":"and he jumps off of things, and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1472.48,"endTime":1475.12,"body":"it's crazy work. And then I have"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1472.48,"endTime":1475.12,"body":"an au pair that lives with me, a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1475.24,"endTime":1478.32,"body":"living nanny from Brazil. It is"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1475.24,"endTime":1478.32,"body":"just like people are like, What"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1478.32,"endTime":1481.8,"body":"is even happening right now?"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1478.32,"endTime":1481.8,"body":"Very interesting family dynamic."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1482.6399999999999,"endTime":1486.72,"body":"For a long time, I felt like if"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1482.6399999999999,"endTime":1486.72,"body":"I wasn't married, I would be"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1486.72,"endTime":1490.56,"body":"discounted from doing ministry."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1486.72,"endTime":1490.56,"body":"And the truth is that wasn't"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1490.56,"endTime":1493.62,"body":"just a belief that lived on the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1490.56,"endTime":1493.62,"body":"inside of me. It's the reality"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1493.62,"endTime":1497.42,"body":"of so many things that have been"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1493.62,"endTime":1497.42,"body":"insinuated about marriage. I was"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1497.42,"endTime":1500.3,"body":"sitting in church the other"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1497.42,"endTime":1500.3,"body":"week, and you know, I do love my"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1500.3,"endTime":1502.16,"body":"church. I think they're doing"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1500.3,"endTime":1502.16,"body":"the best they can, but they"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1502.16,"endTime":1505.16,"body":"handed out these little flyers,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1502.16,"endTime":1505.16,"body":"and it was for a parent's night,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1505.16,"endTime":1508.1,"body":"if you want to get better with"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1505.16,"endTime":1508.1,"body":"parenting. I turned the flyer"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1508.1,"endTime":1512.84,"body":"over, and it was like, moms and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1508.1,"endTime":1512.84,"body":"dads, husbands and wives, we"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1512.9,"endTime":1517.96,"body":"can't wait to see you as we all"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1512.9,"endTime":1517.96,"body":"learn how to parent better. And"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1517.96,"endTime":1523.36,"body":"it just is like, Oh, well, is"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1517.96,"endTime":1523.36,"body":"this just only for like,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1523.42,"endTime":1527.2,"body":"husbands and wives? Because I'm"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1523.42,"endTime":1527.2,"body":"a parent, and why wouldn't they"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1527.2,"endTime":1532.42,"body":"say husbands, wives, single"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1527.2,"endTime":1532.42,"body":"parents? Like, why not? And I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1532.9,"endTime":1535.36,"body":"think it's because of what"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1532.9,"endTime":1535.36,"body":"you're talking about, society"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1535.36,"endTime":1539.4,"body":"has painted this picture that"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1535.36,"endTime":1539.4,"body":"the abundant life only comes in"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1539.4,"endTime":1543.18,"body":"a certain package, and what a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1539.4,"endTime":1543.18,"body":"belittling way to view God."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1543.9,"endTime":1547.26,"body":"What? What? What a prime"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1543.9,"endTime":1547.26,"body":"opportunity to put our God in a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1547.26,"endTime":1552.24,"body":"box to somehow make people feel"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1547.26,"endTime":1552.24,"body":"like again, the the playing"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1552.24,"endTime":1556.08,"body":"field is not leveled, and he can"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1552.24,"endTime":1556.08,"body":"only bless certain people in"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1556.08,"endTime":1559.28,"body":"certain. Situations that just"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1556.08,"endTime":1559.28,"body":"makes him small. And I don't"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1559.28,"endTime":1562.7,"body":"know about you, Josh, but I want"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1559.28,"endTime":1562.7,"body":"a big God. I want a God that can"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1562.7,"endTime":1566.24,"body":"defy all of my norms. I want a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1562.7,"endTime":1566.24,"body":"God that can show me that it"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1566.24,"endTime":1569.24,"body":"doesn't matter if I'm single,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1566.24,"endTime":1569.24,"body":"married, divorced, one time, two"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1569.24,"endTime":1572.54,"body":"times, that he still has"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1569.24,"endTime":1572.54,"body":"goodness on the way for me. And"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1572.54,"endTime":1574.82,"body":"that's what we should be telling"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1572.54,"endTime":1574.82,"body":"people, that goodness is on the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1574.82,"endTime":1577.22,"body":"way. My friend, any of downs,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1574.82,"endTime":1577.22,"body":"she's been single for years and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1577.22,"endTime":1580.06,"body":"years and years and years, never"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1577.22,"endTime":1580.06,"body":"been married, doing ministry,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1580.18,"endTime":1584.02,"body":"crushing it. She goes. We need"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1580.18,"endTime":1584.02,"body":"to make sure that every single"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1584.02,"endTime":1587.26,"body":"human on this earth knows that"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1584.02,"endTime":1587.26,"body":"the abundant life is possible"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1587.26,"endTime":1591.04,"body":"for anyone. If the path looks"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1587.26,"endTime":1591.04,"body":"different, great, but the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1591.04,"endTime":1596.3799999999999,"body":"abundant life is available for"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1591.04,"endTime":1596.3799999999999,"body":"all sons and daughters, single"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1596.3799999999999,"endTime":1599.8799999999999,"body":"or not. And I'm hopeful, though,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1596.3799999999999,"endTime":1599.8799999999999,"body":"truly, I feel like there's a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1599.8799999999999,"endTime":1604.26,"body":"wave coming that's getting used"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1599.8799999999999,"endTime":1604.26,"body":"to that in ways, but we've got"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1665.24,"endTime":1668.96,"body":"to reiterate it, because we're"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1665.24,"endTime":1668.96,"body":"kind of like reworking a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1668.96,"endTime":1672.32,"body":"theology that got thwarted. So"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1668.96,"endTime":1672.32,"body":"we're really going to have to be"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1672.32,"endTime":1674.06,"body":"intentional about talking about"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1672.32,"endTime":1674.06,"body":"it."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1674.06,"endTime":1675.8,"body":"If you're"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1674.06,"endTime":1675.8,"body":"saying, you've said over and"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1675.8,"endTime":1678.46,"body":"over already, that God has"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1675.8,"endTime":1678.46,"body":"leveled the playing fields like,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1678.58,"endTime":1682.0,"body":"Okay, we all play our part. We"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1678.58,"endTime":1682.0,"body":"all have responsibility in it."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1682.0,"endTime":1685.9,"body":"Then, then I have to show up for"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1682.0,"endTime":1685.9,"body":"other people. I can't just say,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1686.08,"endTime":1689.86,"body":"hey, somebody else is going to"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1686.08,"endTime":1689.86,"body":"do the work it now is on all of"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1689.86,"endTime":1695.2,"body":"us. Yeah, and so. So how do we"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1689.86,"endTime":1695.2,"body":"shift that mindset? How do we"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1695.2,"endTime":1698.94,"body":"move into a place where I"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1695.2,"endTime":1698.94,"body":"actually have a role and a"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1698.94,"endTime":1702.84,"body":"responsibility to the community"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1698.94,"endTime":1702.84,"body":"around me. It's not all about"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1702.84,"endTime":1706.62,"body":"me. I'm not a consumer. People"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1702.84,"endTime":1706.62,"body":"are not just going to feed me"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1706.62,"endTime":1709.86,"body":"and feed me and feed me. This"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1706.62,"endTime":1709.86,"body":"isn't just about my healing and"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1709.86,"endTime":1713.22,"body":"grow. It's for the healing of"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1709.86,"endTime":1713.22,"body":"our community. Yeah, I have to"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1713.22,"endTime":1717.98,"body":"do the work and show up and take"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1713.22,"endTime":1717.98,"body":"responsibility for what my role"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1717.98,"endTime":1718.94,"body":"in community is,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1719.6,"endTime":1722.3,"body":"you know, it's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1719.6,"endTime":1722.3,"body":"interesting because I did a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1722.3,"endTime":1725.0,"body":"podcast season and I talked"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1722.3,"endTime":1725.0,"body":"about this concept of being the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1725.24,"endTime":1731.12,"body":"one or the 99 and I did it"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1725.24,"endTime":1731.12,"body":"because I felt like we do exist"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1731.12,"endTime":1735.2,"body":"in a generation of, honestly, if"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1731.12,"endTime":1735.2,"body":"we're just gonna be 100% of weak"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1735.2,"endTime":1738.94,"body":"Christians, okay, and not in the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1735.2,"endTime":1738.94,"body":"way that it's like I'm going to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1738.94,"endTime":1741.52,"body":"submit my weakness, but in the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1738.94,"endTime":1741.52,"body":"way that says I'm not going to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1741.58,"endTime":1744.46,"body":"get back up again, because I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1741.58,"endTime":1744.46,"body":"actually enjoy being a victim. I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1744.46,"endTime":1749.32,"body":"want to be, you know, in a place"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1744.46,"endTime":1749.32,"body":"where people are serving me, and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1749.32,"endTime":1752.62,"body":"I get to serve at a women's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1749.32,"endTime":1752.62,"body":"shelter here in Atlanta, once a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1752.62,"endTime":1756.52,"body":"month, I teach a healing class,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1752.62,"endTime":1756.52,"body":"and I can tell you know these"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1756.52,"endTime":1760.32,"body":"women, they have been abused and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1756.52,"endTime":1760.32,"body":"trafficked and prostituted, and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1760.38,"endTime":1764.1,"body":"all these in jail, in and out of"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1760.38,"endTime":1764.1,"body":"jail, losing their kids. And for"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1764.1,"endTime":1768.72,"body":"many of them, they are fighting"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1764.1,"endTime":1768.72,"body":"to not be a victim, because"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1768.72,"endTime":1772.68,"body":"that's all that they've known."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1768.72,"endTime":1772.68,"body":"And I just feel like they"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1772.68,"endTime":1776.16,"body":"inspire me so much because they"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1772.68,"endTime":1776.16,"body":"are living out what it looks"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1776.16,"endTime":1780.8,"body":"like to be the one right to be"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1776.16,"endTime":1780.8,"body":"the one sheep that's lost and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1780.86,"endTime":1784.34,"body":"abused and hurt and broken and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1780.86,"endTime":1784.34,"body":"all the things and for God to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1784.34,"endTime":1787.52,"body":"come after you and comfort you"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1784.34,"endTime":1787.52,"body":"in that place, but not to stay"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1787.52,"endTime":1791.84,"body":"there. God did not leave the 99"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1787.52,"endTime":1791.84,"body":"to go with the one and stay in"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1791.84,"endTime":1796.1,"body":"pain, stay feeling lost in the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1791.84,"endTime":1796.1,"body":"wilderness. No, he goes to get"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1796.1,"endTime":1798.58,"body":"the one, to bring them back so"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1796.1,"endTime":1798.58,"body":"they can be a part of the 99"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1799.54,"endTime":1803.86,"body":"again, the truth is the 99 being"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1799.54,"endTime":1803.86,"body":"the 99 is hard. It means you"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1803.86,"endTime":1806.62,"body":"have to stand in the trenches."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1803.86,"endTime":1806.62,"body":"It means that you're going to be"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1806.62,"endTime":1808.66,"body":"offended and you're going to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1806.62,"endTime":1808.66,"body":"have to turn the other cheek."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1808.84,"endTime":1812.98,"body":"Being the 99 is a narrow road."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1808.84,"endTime":1812.98,"body":"This is not wide. And I also"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1812.98,"endTime":1815.5,"body":"think we have convinced a whole"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1812.98,"endTime":1815.5,"body":"generation of Christians that"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1815.56,"endTime":1819.12,"body":"when you say yes to Jesus, all"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1815.56,"endTime":1819.12,"body":"the things get good. And I said,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1819.12,"endTime":1822.84,"body":"Well, actually, y'all lied."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1819.12,"endTime":1822.84,"body":"Okay, all of y'all suckers"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1822.84,"endTime":1825.84,"body":"didn't lie. Because it actually"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1822.84,"endTime":1825.84,"body":"got harder. Because while"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1825.84,"endTime":1828.78,"body":"there's a target on my back from"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1825.84,"endTime":1828.78,"body":"the enemy of our souls that's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1828.78,"endTime":1831.42,"body":"trying, with everything in him"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1828.78,"endTime":1831.42,"body":"to get me to sin and be"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1831.42,"endTime":1836.4,"body":"separated from God, I want to be"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1831.42,"endTime":1836.4,"body":"the 99 and I'm okay. Let me say"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1836.4,"endTime":1838.82,"body":"this. I'm okay with being the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1836.4,"endTime":1838.82,"body":"one, and we have to be okay with"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1838.82,"endTime":1842.0,"body":"being the one that needs"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1838.82,"endTime":1842.0,"body":"rescued, sure that needs rescue."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1843.26,"endTime":1848.84,"body":"But I also thoroughly feel like"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1843.26,"endTime":1848.84,"body":"it's a privilege to be the 99 to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1848.84,"endTime":1852.08,"body":"stand strong with Jesus and to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1848.84,"endTime":1852.08,"body":"go rescue others. What are you"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1852.08,"endTime":1856.34,"body":"freaking kidding me? It's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1852.08,"endTime":1856.34,"body":"beautiful. And the truth is we"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1856.34,"endTime":1860.68,"body":"have to do our work to get to a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1856.34,"endTime":1860.68,"body":"place where we are rescuers,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1860.92,"endTime":1864.22,"body":"where we can go back and grab"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1860.92,"endTime":1864.22,"body":"people with God who doesn't even"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1864.22,"endTime":1866.86,"body":"really need our help, but has"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1864.22,"endTime":1866.86,"body":"just somewhat decided that we"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1866.86,"endTime":1871.54,"body":"get to be a part of this thing,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1866.86,"endTime":1871.54,"body":"which is amazing, but don't I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1871.54,"endTime":1874.84,"body":"mean, don't waste that, don't"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1871.54,"endTime":1874.84,"body":"waste that. Call. Get up, get"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1874.84,"endTime":1880.08,"body":"healthy, be honest. Do the hard"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1874.84,"endTime":1880.08,"body":"work. It's hard, and it's going"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1880.08,"endTime":1883.2,"body":"to build resilience in you, and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1880.08,"endTime":1883.2,"body":"you're going to be able to one"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1883.2,"endTime":1885.72,"body":"day look someone in the eye and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1883.2,"endTime":1885.72,"body":"say, You know what God's coming"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1885.72,"endTime":1888.54,"body":"for you. You know how I know it,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1885.72,"endTime":1888.54,"body":"because he came for me. And"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1888.54,"endTime":1892.8,"body":"that's been the greatest part of"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1888.54,"endTime":1892.8,"body":"my honestly, of everything, is"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1892.8,"endTime":1896.1,"body":"that I was weak enough to be"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1892.8,"endTime":1896.1,"body":"comforted, so that I know how to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1896.1,"endTime":1897.0,"body":"comfort others."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1897.12,"endTime":1899.6,"body":"So good. What"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1897.12,"endTime":1899.6,"body":"else do we feel good? You know?"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1899.6,"endTime":1903.44,"body":"Yeah, yeah. A lot of people say,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1899.6,"endTime":1903.44,"body":"Hey, you're just a sheep. You're"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1903.44,"endTime":1906.86,"body":"dumb. You just need to be fed"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1903.44,"endTime":1906.86,"body":"and fed. But if you look at"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1907.04,"endTime":1912.08,"body":"sheep in a pen, they won't be"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1907.04,"endTime":1912.08,"body":"pent up like they will scream"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1912.08,"endTime":1913.52,"body":"and yell to be let out"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1913.58,"endTime":1916.04,"body":"floors and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1913.58,"endTime":1916.04,"body":"sisters, yes, they're yeah,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1916.1,"endTime":1916.52,"body":"there's"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1916.58,"endTime":1919.78,"body":"their. Whole"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1916.58,"endTime":1919.78,"body":"life needs to be in the pasture,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1919.78,"endTime":1924.16,"body":"on the hills, out of the pen."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1919.78,"endTime":1924.16,"body":"And what we have done in the"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1924.16,"endTime":1929.02,"body":"church is we have said, Here you"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1924.16,"endTime":1929.02,"body":"sheep, stay in the pen. We'll"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1929.02,"endTime":1934.12,"body":"feed you. That's good. What"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1929.02,"endTime":1934.12,"body":"you're calling us to is being"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1934.12,"endTime":1938.4,"body":"part of a 99 that goes out of"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1934.12,"endTime":1938.4,"body":"the pen and goes with the"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1938.4,"endTime":1942.9,"body":"shepherd to rescue the one to be"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1938.4,"endTime":1942.9,"body":"that part of healing. It's"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1942.9,"endTime":1943.44,"body":"beautiful,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1943.5,"endTime":1945.96,"body":"good. Well, I like"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1943.5,"endTime":1945.96,"body":"how you put that. I'ma steal"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1945.96,"endTime":1948.72,"body":"that one. I will reference you."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1945.96,"endTime":1948.72,"body":"I do want you to know"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1950.16,"endTime":1951.84,"body":"you could have"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1950.16,"endTime":1951.84,"body":"it. You don't even need to"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1951.84,"endTime":1957.74,"body":"reference me. I'm sure I stole"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1951.84,"endTime":1957.74,"body":"it from somebody else. That's"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1957.74,"endTime":1962.0,"body":"what we all borrow from each"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1957.74,"endTime":1962.0,"body":"other. That's good. What does"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1962.0,"endTime":1965.96,"body":"then healing start to look like"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1962.0,"endTime":1965.96,"body":"in community? How do we grow"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1965.96,"endTime":1971.6,"body":"into a better place? What is,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1965.96,"endTime":1971.6,"body":"what is the healing journey with"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1971.6,"endTime":1973.76,"body":"Jesus and community starts"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":1971.6,"endTime":1973.76,"body":"actually look"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1974.72,"endTime":1976.88,"body":"well, I only know"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1974.72,"endTime":1976.88,"body":"this, and only have the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1976.88,"endTime":1979.48,"body":"authority to say this because"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1976.88,"endTime":1979.48,"body":"I've done it wrong, and over the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1979.48,"endTime":1983.08,"body":"past two years, I have"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1979.48,"endTime":1983.08,"body":"fortunately been able to do it"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1983.08,"endTime":1986.26,"body":"right. The day that my ex"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1983.08,"endTime":1986.26,"body":"husband called me to tell me"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1986.44,"endTime":1989.98,"body":"about this infidelity, he was"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1986.44,"endTime":1989.98,"body":"being extorted. He had to tell"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1989.98,"endTime":1992.44,"body":"me there was a video. It was"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1989.98,"endTime":1992.44,"body":"crazy. It was interesting,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1992.44,"endTime":1995.2,"body":"because I was actually not home."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1992.44,"endTime":1995.2,"body":"I live in Atlanta, Georgia, but"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1995.2,"endTime":1998.4,"body":"I was in Nashville, Tennessee,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1995.2,"endTime":1998.4,"body":"and I was filming a show with a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1998.4,"endTime":2001.1,"body":"Christian Network, and the next"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":1998.4,"endTime":2001.1,"body":"day, I got this call from my ex"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2001.1,"endTime":2006.62,"body":"husband. I get off the phone,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2001.1,"endTime":2006.62,"body":"and I was like, Lord, what do I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2006.62,"endTime":2010.28,"body":"do? And I just felt an"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2006.62,"endTime":2010.28,"body":"impression on my heart to call"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2010.28,"endTime":2014.06,"body":"my friends. Now, lucky for me, I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2010.28,"endTime":2014.06,"body":"have been in what's called a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2014.06,"endTime":2017.06,"body":"confessional community for"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2014.06,"endTime":2017.06,"body":"almost four years. It's seven of"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2017.06,"endTime":2020.98,"body":"us. We have all come together"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2017.06,"endTime":2020.98,"body":"and committed to doing a life of"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2020.98,"endTime":2024.4,"body":"very deep vulnerability, and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2020.98,"endTime":2024.4,"body":"every month we get together on a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2024.4,"endTime":2027.94,"body":"three hour zoom call and we"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2024.4,"endTime":2027.94,"body":"confess, which is just as scary"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2027.94,"endTime":2032.14,"body":"as it sounds. Okay. Never gets"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2027.94,"endTime":2032.14,"body":"better, but what? But what we're"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2032.14,"endTime":2035.62,"body":"trying to do is build the muscle"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2032.14,"endTime":2035.62,"body":"of confession that we can get to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2035.62,"endTime":2038.52,"body":"a point where we're so"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2035.62,"endTime":2038.52,"body":"comfortable with our flaws and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2038.52,"endTime":2042.18,"body":"mistakes and our imperfections"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2038.52,"endTime":2042.18,"body":"as humans that we share them in"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2042.18,"endTime":2047.46,"body":"community, and then we're met"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2042.18,"endTime":2047.46,"body":"with the power of witness. It's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2047.46,"endTime":2051.48,"body":"crazy that the day that I got"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2047.46,"endTime":2051.48,"body":"the call from my ex husband, two"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2051.48,"endTime":2054.6,"body":"of the women in my confessional"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2051.48,"endTime":2054.6,"body":"community, two of my closest"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2054.6,"endTime":2057.6,"body":"friends, were in the same hotel"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2054.6,"endTime":2057.6,"body":"because they were also filming"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2057.6,"endTime":2060.3199999999997,"body":"with this Christian Network. Now"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2057.6,"endTime":2060.3199999999997,"body":"we live in two different states"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2060.38,"endTime":2064.7,"body":"and cities, and they were there,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2060.38,"endTime":2064.7,"body":"and I just felt the Lord impress"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2064.7,"endTime":2068.3599999999997,"body":"on my heart to call my people."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2064.7,"endTime":2068.3599999999997,"body":"And thankfully for me, we have a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2068.3599999999997,"endTime":2072.44,"body":"God that plans for our pain. And"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2068.3599999999997,"endTime":2072.44,"body":"I called my friends, and they"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2072.44,"endTime":2076.16,"body":"were right there, and I told"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2072.44,"endTime":2076.16,"body":"them everything. What's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2076.16,"endTime":2078.44,"body":"interesting is that I had"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2076.16,"endTime":2078.44,"body":"confessed a lot of things in"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2078.44,"endTime":2081.3399999999997,"body":"this confessional community, but"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2078.44,"endTime":2081.3399999999997,"body":"I never talked about all the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2081.4,"endTime":2084.22,"body":"infidelity we had been through,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2081.4,"endTime":2084.22,"body":"because I thought, oh, that's in"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2084.22,"endTime":2088.12,"body":"the past. Like, that's not going"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2084.22,"endTime":2088.12,"body":"to happen again. And so I was"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2088.18,"endTime":2091.9,"body":"able to share everything with"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2088.18,"endTime":2091.9,"body":"them year two, finding out about"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2091.9,"endTime":2095.68,"body":"infidelity, finding discovering"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2091.9,"endTime":2095.68,"body":"videos between my ex husband and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2095.68,"endTime":2099.54,"body":"assistants, like, nasty, I mean,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2095.68,"endTime":2099.54,"body":"just stuff, like really, really"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2099.54,"endTime":2102.66,"body":"horrific things that I got to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2099.54,"endTime":2102.66,"body":"share with my people. And you"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2102.66,"endTime":2106.2599999999998,"body":"know what they did? One of them"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2102.66,"endTime":2106.2599999999998,"body":"ordered me room service because"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2106.2599999999998,"endTime":2108.96,"body":"she knew already that when I get"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2106.2599999999998,"endTime":2108.96,"body":"really anxious and I'm under"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2108.96,"endTime":2111.9,"body":"stress, I don't eat, she quite"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2108.96,"endTime":2111.9,"body":"literally, was like the hands"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2111.9,"endTime":2116.1,"body":"and feet of Jesus. The other one"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2111.9,"endTime":2116.1,"body":"text me this long prayer that I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2116.1,"endTime":2119.54,"body":"still have to this day. And she"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2116.1,"endTime":2119.54,"body":"said, From this day on, I want"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2119.54,"endTime":2123.02,"body":"you to create a little note of"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2119.54,"endTime":2123.02,"body":"all the god wings that God will"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2123.02,"endTime":2126.02,"body":"do for you in this season. Now I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2123.02,"endTime":2126.02,"body":"am fresh in the trauma. I'm"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2126.02,"endTime":2129.8,"body":"like, I don't know what you're"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2126.02,"endTime":2129.8,"body":"talking about, but she she knew"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2129.8,"endTime":2132.8,"body":"because she wasn't in trauma."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2129.8,"endTime":2132.8,"body":"This is the power of community"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2132.8,"endTime":2135.7400000000002,"body":"that can quite literally be our"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2132.8,"endTime":2135.7400000000002,"body":"strength when we don't have our"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2135.7400000000002,"endTime":2139.06,"body":"hands, when we don't when we our"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2135.7400000000002,"endTime":2139.06,"body":"arms are too weak, our legs when"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2139.06,"endTime":2141.4,"body":"it feels like we're going to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2139.06,"endTime":2141.4,"body":"give out and fall to the ground,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2141.4,"endTime":2144.4,"body":"like they get to be this. This"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2141.4,"endTime":2144.4,"body":"is why it's so passionate for me"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2144.46,"endTime":2147.46,"body":"right now. Is because I've"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2144.46,"endTime":2147.46,"body":"walked through what it looks"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2147.46,"endTime":2151.1800000000003,"body":"like to live on the offense and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2147.46,"endTime":2151.1800000000003,"body":"not the defense, to have a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2151.1800000000003,"endTime":2154.48,"body":"reserve of people that that"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2151.1800000000003,"endTime":2154.48,"body":"caught me when I fell, that"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2154.7200000000003,"endTime":2157.54,"body":"didn't have to pick me up off"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2154.7200000000003,"endTime":2157.54,"body":"the ground because they caught"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2157.54,"endTime":2162.3,"body":"me when I was falling because"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2157.54,"endTime":2162.3,"body":"they were already there. That's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2162.3,"endTime":2165.36,"body":"what it looks like. And you"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2162.3,"endTime":2165.36,"body":"trust them, and you share with"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2165.36,"endTime":2167.76,"body":"them, and you allow them to help"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2165.36,"endTime":2167.76,"body":"you. My friends created an"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2167.76,"endTime":2171.3,"body":"Amazon wish list for me, my kids"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2167.76,"endTime":2171.3,"body":"in our new house, like I can't"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2171.3,"endTime":2173.82,"body":"even tell. I mean the countless"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2171.3,"endTime":2173.82,"body":"things my friends financially"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2173.82,"endTime":2178.34,"body":"support, prayer, everything they"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2173.82,"endTime":2178.34,"body":"were everything to me,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2179.84,"endTime":2184.16,"body":"everything, that's how you do"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2179.84,"endTime":2184.16,"body":"it. Folks show up, sell all your"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2184.16,"endTime":2186.92,"body":"business again and again and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2184.16,"endTime":2186.92,"body":"again, until you close people"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2187.7,"endTime":2188.36,"body":"you know"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2188.84,"endTime":2191.84,"body":"share your"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2188.84,"endTime":2191.84,"body":"business as a confession"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2191.9,"endTime":2197.18,"body":"community. I think confession is"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2191.9,"endTime":2197.18,"body":"so key to our healing, we often"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2197.24,"endTime":2200.5,"body":"think, you know the sin is too"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2197.24,"endTime":2200.5,"body":"much, or this, this thing that"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2200.5,"endTime":2204.04,"body":"has been done, we've done is way"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2200.5,"endTime":2204.04,"body":"too much. We want to hide it."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2204.4,"endTime":2207.46,"body":"One of the things you write is"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2204.4,"endTime":2207.46,"body":"being found out. Is not a"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2207.46,"endTime":2214.06,"body":"punishment. Surprise. Why is the"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2207.46,"endTime":2214.06,"body":"exposure of sin? Why is the"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2214.12,"endTime":2219.3,"body":"confession so important to our"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2214.12,"endTime":2219.3,"body":"he. Process. What does that do"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2219.3,"endTime":2220.14,"body":"for us?"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2220.32,"endTime":2222.78,"body":"Brene Brown has"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2220.32,"endTime":2222.78,"body":"this quote. She says, We are"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2222.78,"endTime":2225.96,"body":"imperfect and we are wired for"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2222.78,"endTime":2225.96,"body":"struggle, but we are still"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2225.96,"endTime":2229.14,"body":"worthy of love and belonging."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2225.96,"endTime":2229.14,"body":"And the truth is, this makes me"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2229.14,"endTime":2234.12,"body":"want to cry. How much more does"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2229.14,"endTime":2234.12,"body":"it mean to be worthy of love and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2234.12,"endTime":2236.94,"body":"belonging when someone can look"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2234.12,"endTime":2236.94,"body":"you in the face and say, I know"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2236.94,"endTime":2239.9,"body":"everything you've done. I know"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2236.94,"endTime":2239.9,"body":"the nasty, dirty stuff that you"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2239.9,"endTime":2242.72,"body":"don't want to tell nobody, and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2239.9,"endTime":2242.72,"body":"you barely was honest about it"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2242.72,"endTime":2246.8,"body":"with yourself. Okay? I know"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2242.72,"endTime":2246.8,"body":"everything, and I love you the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2246.8,"endTime":2253.88,"body":"same that changes you. It"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2246.8,"endTime":2253.88,"body":"changes you. We can all love the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2253.88,"endTime":2257.0,"body":"perfect patty, the righteous"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2253.88,"endTime":2257.0,"body":"Ryan. It's easy. We all have"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2257.0,"endTime":2259.72,"body":"that one friend that one friend"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2257.0,"endTime":2259.72,"body":"that just doesn't stop smiling."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2259.72,"endTime":2262.06,"body":"You know what I'm saying? Like,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2259.72,"endTime":2262.06,"body":"it's like, you kind of want to,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2262.06,"endTime":2264.28,"body":"like, hit them, just to see what"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2262.06,"endTime":2264.28,"body":"they would do. You know, those"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2264.28,"endTime":2266.44,"body":"people are so easy to love"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2264.28,"endTime":2266.44,"body":"because they're showing up with"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2266.44,"endTime":2268.96,"body":"the charcuterie, they've got the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2266.44,"endTime":2268.96,"body":"golf clubs, they're bringing"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2268.96,"endTime":2271.42,"body":"water and Gatorades for"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2268.96,"endTime":2271.42,"body":"everybody. That's easy stuff."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2272.14,"endTime":2276.16,"body":"The friend that you know that"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2272.14,"endTime":2276.16,"body":"you barely want to invite, when"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2276.16,"endTime":2282.84,"body":"you invite them, it changes"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2276.16,"endTime":2282.84,"body":"them, because it shows us a love"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2282.96,"endTime":2287.28,"body":"on the earth that only comes"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2282.96,"endTime":2287.28,"body":"from heaven, a love that says,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2287.28,"endTime":2292.98,"body":"while you were still in sin, I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2287.28,"endTime":2292.98,"body":"loved you and I sacrificed"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2292.98,"endTime":2296.46,"body":"everything for you. And when we"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2292.98,"endTime":2296.46,"body":"get to be my friend, Anne"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2296.46,"endTime":2300.14,"body":"Voskamp says, when we get to be"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2296.46,"endTime":2300.14,"body":"Jesus with skin on. When we get"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2300.14,"endTime":2303.92,"body":"to live a cruciformed life for"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2300.14,"endTime":2303.92,"body":"other people, we get to remind"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2303.92,"endTime":2309.74,"body":"people that there is a Jesus who"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2303.92,"endTime":2309.74,"body":"loves them like this. I'm not"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2309.74,"endTime":2315.68,"body":"leaving the room. I'm right"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2309.74,"endTime":2315.68,"body":"here. And the next time you have"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2315.68,"endTime":2318.46,"body":"something that you need to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2315.68,"endTime":2318.46,"body":"confess, it's way easier,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2318.88,"endTime":2321.76,"body":"because, you know, these people"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2318.88,"endTime":2321.76,"body":"aren't leaving, and it changes"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2321.76,"endTime":2321.94,"body":"you"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2322.3,"endTime":2324.82,"body":"that sounds like"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2322.3,"endTime":2324.82,"body":"what the church is supposed to"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2324.82,"endTime":2324.88,"body":"be."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2328.54,"endTime":2332.02,"body":"Right? They meant"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2328.54,"endTime":2332.02,"body":"by Ecclesia is this? Is this"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2332.02,"endTime":2335.14,"body":"what was happening in Acts in"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2332.02,"endTime":2335.14,"body":"the upper room, when everything"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2335.14,"endTime":2337.6,"body":"had, when everyone had"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2335.14,"endTime":2337.6,"body":"everything they need, because"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2337.6,"endTime":2341.58,"body":"everyone gave and showed up. Oh,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2341.64,"endTime":2346.26,"body":"that's what it"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2341.64,"endTime":2346.26,"body":"is. Amazing. We I know people"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2346.26,"endTime":2351.24,"body":"that have had hidden sin for 25"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2346.26,"endTime":2351.24,"body":"years, yeah, and they're forced"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2351.24,"endTime":2355.38,"body":"to confess some other time, and"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2351.24,"endTime":2355.38,"body":"it's just a confession that"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2355.38,"endTime":2360.02,"body":"doesn't mean anything. 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These are"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2388.9,"endTime":2392.26,"body":"important, like, I this is gonna"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2392.26,"endTime":2393.04,"body":"heal the church?"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2395.08,"endTime":2399.18,"body":"No, it is truly."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2395.08,"endTime":2399.18,"body":"How do we build these things?"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2399.18,"endTime":2401.46,"body":"How do we build it? Tell me. So"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2399.18,"endTime":2401.46,"body":"I actually write about this in"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2401.46,"endTime":2405.36,"body":"my new book. I have a chapter on"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2401.46,"endTime":2405.36,"body":"confessional communities. 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One of"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2451.84,"endTime":2454.0,"body":"the women from my last course"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2451.84,"endTime":2454.0,"body":"group, she called me. She was"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2454.0,"endTime":2456.22,"body":"like, Hey, we've had an"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2454.0,"endTime":2456.22,"body":"emergency in our confessional"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2456.22,"endTime":2458.16,"body":"community. I'm like, oh my"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2456.22,"endTime":2458.16,"body":"goodness, call me. What's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2458.16,"endTime":2461.04,"body":"happening? One of the women in"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2458.16,"endTime":2461.04,"body":"the conventional community that"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2461.04,"endTime":2464.64,"body":"had transitioned from the course"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2461.04,"endTime":2464.64,"body":"group passed away. She had a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2464.64,"endTime":2468.54,"body":"daughter with severe autism and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2464.64,"endTime":2468.54,"body":"cerebral palsy and just a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2468.54,"endTime":2472.32,"body":"really, really difficult"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2468.54,"endTime":2472.32,"body":"situation. And those women,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2472.44,"endTime":2476.82,"body":"strangers that had never met in"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2472.44,"endTime":2476.82,"body":"person, on met on the internets,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2476.82,"endTime":2481.22,"body":"on a zoom that Tony Collier put"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2476.82,"endTime":2481.22,"body":"together, were at that funeral"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2481.22,"endTime":2486.14,"body":"for her pulled together."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2481.22,"endTime":2486.14,"body":"Resources showed up, and this is"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2486.14,"endTime":2488.24,"body":"the thing that makes me"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2486.14,"endTime":2488.24,"body":"emotional, is that I think about"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2488.24,"endTime":2496.1,"body":"her daughter, who, I mean, gets"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2488.24,"endTime":2496.1,"body":"to see what it looks like for a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2496.1,"endTime":2501.46,"body":"group of practically strangers"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2496.1,"endTime":2501.46,"body":"to say, we will be the church"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2501.46,"endTime":2506.92,"body":"for your mama and for you. I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2501.46,"endTime":2506.92,"body":"can't even imagine the ripple"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2506.92,"endTime":2511.3,"body":"effect of generations that that"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2506.92,"endTime":2511.3,"body":"daughter will get to witness,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2511.48,"endTime":2515.92,"body":"because these women practice"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2511.48,"endTime":2515.92,"body":"witness. And the truth is, it's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2515.92,"endTime":2519.54,"body":"simple, truly. Some confessional"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2515.92,"endTime":2519.54,"body":"communities start with"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2519.54,"endTime":2524.1,"body":"strangers, complete, actual"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2519.54,"endTime":2524.1,"body":"strangers. The concept is came"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2524.1,"endTime":2527.64,"body":"from a brilliant psychiatrist"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2524.1,"endTime":2527.64,"body":"named Dr Kurt Thompson. Has"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2527.64,"endTime":2531.84,"body":"radically changed my life, and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2527.64,"endTime":2531.84,"body":"he literally will put strangers"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2531.84,"endTime":2535.26,"body":"in a room. They will commit to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2531.84,"endTime":2535.26,"body":"meeting one time a year or one"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2535.26,"endTime":2539.0,"body":"time a month for however many"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2535.26,"endTime":2539.0,"body":"hours. And within the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2539.0,"endTime":2543.02,"body":"confessional community, the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2539.0,"endTime":2543.02,"body":"template, if you will, is asking"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2543.02,"endTime":2545.54,"body":"the question, what are you"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2543.02,"endTime":2545.54,"body":"grieving and what are you"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2545.54,"endTime":2548.3,"body":"longing for? What are you"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2545.54,"endTime":2548.3,"body":"grieving and what are you"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2548.3,"endTime":2551.0,"body":"longing for? And truly, it"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2548.3,"endTime":2551.0,"body":"guides the confessional"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2551.0,"endTime":2554.3,"body":"community. We also go through"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2551.0,"endTime":2554.3,"body":"something called story, liturgy."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2554.78,"endTime":2557.6,"body":"So once you form your"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2554.78,"endTime":2557.6,"body":"confessional community, that may"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2557.6,"endTime":2560.14,"body":"be for you. If you're in a small"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2557.6,"endTime":2560.14,"body":"group and you're like, Hey,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2560.14,"endTime":2562.6,"body":"y'all like, the Bible study is"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2560.14,"endTime":2562.6,"body":"kind of cool, but like, Y'all"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2562.6,"endTime":2564.94,"body":"want to go deep about some real"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2562.6,"endTime":2564.94,"body":"stuff. You know what I'm saying?"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2565.6,"endTime":2568.72,"body":"You could start these"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2565.6,"endTime":2568.72,"body":"conversations within the context"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2568.72,"endTime":2571.3,"body":"of your small group, your sports"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2568.72,"endTime":2571.3,"body":"group, your pickleball team,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2571.66,"endTime":2575.68,"body":"your family, I mean, all these"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2571.66,"endTime":2575.68,"body":"things. And we go around the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2575.68,"endTime":2577.9,"body":"room and we talk about what"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2575.68,"endTime":2577.9,"body":"we're grieving and what we're"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2577.9,"endTime":2582.72,"body":"longing for, and no one ever"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2577.9,"endTime":2582.72,"body":"responds with a solution. This"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2582.72,"endTime":2587.94,"body":"is actually the key, instead of"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2582.72,"endTime":2587.94,"body":"solution, which is like left"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2587.94,"endTime":2591.42,"body":"brain logistics, we turn that"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2587.94,"endTime":2591.42,"body":"sucker off, we go straight up"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2591.42,"endTime":2596.58,"body":"right brain. When you said that,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2591.42,"endTime":2596.58,"body":"it made me feel this, because"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2596.58,"endTime":2600.2,"body":"oftentimes when you get in a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2596.58,"endTime":2600.2,"body":"room full of pain, when someone"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2600.2,"endTime":2603.74,"body":"says something about their pain,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2600.2,"endTime":2603.74,"body":"and it impacts you deeply, it's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2603.74,"endTime":2607.16,"body":"because it's touching up on"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2603.74,"endTime":2607.16,"body":"something in your story. When"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2607.16,"endTime":2610.82,"body":"you say something like, Oh, I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2607.16,"endTime":2610.82,"body":"got this scripture. And if you"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2610.82,"endTime":2614.42,"body":"do this, it detaches you from"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2610.82,"endTime":2614.42,"body":"their story and points them back"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2614.42,"endTime":2617.74,"body":"to another source, which is a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2614.42,"endTime":2617.74,"body":"really valid source. But when"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2617.74,"endTime":2621.28,"body":"we're in the room, we get to be"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2617.74,"endTime":2621.28,"body":"literally Jesus with skin on for"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2621.28,"endTime":2623.86,"body":"each other. We invite the Holy"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2621.28,"endTime":2623.86,"body":"Spirit into the room, and then"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2623.86,"endTime":2627.1,"body":"we stay present. We just"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2623.86,"endTime":2627.1,"body":"practice withness. I'm not here"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2627.1,"endTime":2630.58,"body":"for solutions, I'm here for"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2627.1,"endTime":2630.58,"body":"withness, and we stay"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2630.58,"endTime":2634.48,"body":"consistent. And you also need"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2630.58,"endTime":2634.48,"body":"leaders, okay, because a titanic"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2634.48,"endTime":2638.46,"body":"that's going down needs somebody"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2634.48,"endTime":2638.46,"body":"to turn the ship. Okay? So you"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2638.46,"endTime":2640.5,"body":"have a leader that's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2638.46,"endTime":2640.5,"body":"coordinating these calls every"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2640.5,"endTime":2642.96,"body":"single month that's intentional"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2640.5,"endTime":2642.96,"body":"about keeping everyone"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2642.96,"endTime":2645.66,"body":"connected, that starts the group"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2642.96,"endTime":2645.66,"body":"text so that you guys are"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2645.66,"endTime":2649.14,"body":"together and practicing withness"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2645.66,"endTime":2649.14,"body":"throughout the month, with"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2649.14,"endTime":2654.18,"body":"before the call. And that's it,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2649.14,"endTime":2654.18,"body":"meeting and dwelling together."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2654.9,"endTime":2655.44,"body":"That's it."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2656.46,"endTime":2659.3,"body":"That's good. I"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2656.46,"endTime":2659.3,"body":"think facilitation of groups is,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2659.36,"endTime":2662.54,"body":"is really important to figure"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2659.36,"endTime":2662.54,"body":"out how to do that. Well, I"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2662.54,"endTime":2665.42,"body":"mean, we you run into those"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2662.54,"endTime":2665.42,"body":"things all the time. Those"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2665.48,"endTime":2669.14,"body":"groups can go off the rails if"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2665.48,"endTime":2669.14,"body":"you don't have someone knowing"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2669.14,"endTime":2669.44,"body":"how to we"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2669.44,"endTime":2671.36,"body":"didn't have some"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2669.44,"endTime":2671.36,"body":"off moments too, you know. So we"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2671.36,"endTime":2673.82,"body":"like, Yo, When are we meeting"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2671.36,"endTime":2673.82,"body":"again? Okay, wait a minute,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2674.9,"endTime":2678.46,"body":"you know. So how"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2674.9,"endTime":2678.46,"body":"do you turn off the solution"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2678.46,"endTime":2682.6,"body":"mode. How do you turn that off?"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2678.46,"endTime":2682.6,"body":"Like we're it's ingrained in me"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2682.84,"endTime":2687.22,"body":"to be the Savior. Like I want to"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2682.84,"endTime":2687.22,"body":"be the Savior. I want to fix it."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2687.52,"endTime":2690.34,"body":"That's I'm still learning it."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2687.52,"endTime":2690.34,"body":"I'm like, I'm learning it with"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2690.34,"endTime":2693.82,"body":"my wife. I'm like, Okay, I know"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2690.34,"endTime":2693.82,"body":"you don't want me to fix it"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2693.82,"endTime":2698.52,"body":"right now, but I sure want to"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2693.82,"endTime":2698.52,"body":"fix it right now. How do you"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2698.52,"endTime":2699.06,"body":"turn that off?"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2699.12,"endTime":2701.34,"body":"You know? It's the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2699.12,"endTime":2701.34,"body":"viral video of, like the woman"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2701.34,"endTime":2705.9,"body":"with the nail in her head and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2701.34,"endTime":2705.9,"body":"and she's like, I have such a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2705.9,"endTime":2709.02,"body":"headache. And my husband is"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2705.9,"endTime":2709.02,"body":"like, well, there isn't No, no,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2709.02,"endTime":2712.2,"body":"you're not listening to me. I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2709.02,"endTime":2712.2,"body":"have such a headache. And he's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2712.2,"endTime":2715.74,"body":"like, but if you just let me"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2712.2,"endTime":2715.74,"body":"just pull it out, you know? And"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2715.98,"endTime":2720.5,"body":"the truth is, we're made in the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2715.98,"endTime":2720.5,"body":"image of God. So yeah, we want"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2720.5,"endTime":2728.36,"body":"to save. We are mirroring a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2720.5,"endTime":2728.36,"body":"savior, of course, and Jesus"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2728.42,"endTime":2733.28,"body":"showed us that sometimes weeping"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2728.42,"endTime":2733.28,"body":"is the only solution. I mean,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2733.28,"endTime":2736.76,"body":"gosh, can you just imagine when"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2733.28,"endTime":2736.76,"body":"he's in front of Mary and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2736.76,"endTime":2739.48,"body":"Martha, their brother has died,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2736.76,"endTime":2739.48,"body":"and he's been dead for four"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2739.48,"endTime":2741.88,"body":"days. And what's interesting"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2739.48,"endTime":2741.88,"body":"about that day thing, and the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2741.88,"endTime":2744.58,"body":"reason why they bring it up is"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2741.88,"endTime":2744.58,"body":"because in that context, in that"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2744.58,"endTime":2747.64,"body":"time, there was kind of like the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2744.58,"endTime":2747.64,"body":"superstitious belief that your"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2747.64,"endTime":2750.58,"body":"body hovered over you for three"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2747.64,"endTime":2750.58,"body":"days. There was a chance you"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2750.58,"endTime":2755.74,"body":"could come back to life. Lazarus"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2750.58,"endTime":2755.74,"body":"is dead for four days, and Jesus"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2755.74,"endTime":2758.26,"body":"comes back on the scene, and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2755.74,"endTime":2758.26,"body":"Martha Lokey gives him some"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2758.26,"endTime":2760.68,"body":"grace. She At first, she was"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2758.26,"endTime":2760.68,"body":"like, Hey, where were you? If"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2760.68,"endTime":2762.84,"body":"you were here, my brother"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2760.68,"endTime":2762.84,"body":"wouldn't have died. And she"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2762.84,"endTime":2766.68,"body":"gives him grace by saying, I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2762.84,"endTime":2766.68,"body":"know Lord, like I know that he's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2766.68,"endTime":2769.74,"body":"gonna, you know, rise again in"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2766.68,"endTime":2769.74,"body":"the end days when you return, I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2769.74,"endTime":2774.9,"body":"know. And then Mary comes up,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2769.74,"endTime":2774.9,"body":"and she is pissed. Okay, let's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2774.9,"endTime":2777.48,"body":"just call it for what is. She's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2774.9,"endTime":2777.48,"body":"so mad. She's hurting. She"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2777.48,"endTime":2780.74,"body":"didn't even leave the house to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2777.48,"endTime":2780.74,"body":"go see Jesus. At first he had to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2780.74,"endTime":2784.88,"body":"call her to him. She comes to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2780.74,"endTime":2784.88,"body":"him, Where were you? Why don't"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2784.88,"endTime":2790.88,"body":"you save my brother? And Jesus"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2784.88,"endTime":2790.88,"body":"looks around the room at the two"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2790.88,"endTime":2793.16,"body":"women crying, and there was"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2790.88,"endTime":2793.16,"body":"there said, there was also some"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2793.16,"endTime":2796.1,"body":"other people in the community"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2793.16,"endTime":2796.1,"body":"that was consoling Mary. He's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2796.1,"endTime":2800.74,"body":"looking at his people, and he"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2796.1,"endTime":2800.74,"body":"starts to cry. And the question"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2800.74,"endTime":2804.7,"body":"that you want to ask yourself"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2800.74,"endTime":2804.7,"body":"is, now, Jesus, you know You"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2804.7,"endTime":2809.5,"body":"about to raise this man from the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2804.7,"endTime":2809.5,"body":"dead, why wouldn't you just tell"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2809.5,"endTime":2814.24,"body":"them? Why would you just as a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2809.5,"endTime":2814.24,"body":"matter of fact, Jesus, we've"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2814.24,"endTime":2818.7,"body":"actually seen you heal someone"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2814.24,"endTime":2818.7,"body":"from a different city. Yeah, so"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2818.7,"endTime":2821.64,"body":"why don't you just speak like,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2818.7,"endTime":2821.64,"body":"why didn't you do that? And I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2821.64,"endTime":2825.78,"body":"just think that Jesus wanted to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2821.64,"endTime":2825.78,"body":"model to us that, yeah, he is"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2825.78,"endTime":2828.24,"body":"going to work all things out for"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2825.78,"endTime":2828.24,"body":"the good of those who love Him."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2828.84,"endTime":2834.78,"body":"And it's okay for us to grieve"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2828.84,"endTime":2834.78,"body":"too in the waiting. It's okay."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2834.78,"endTime":2841.82,"body":"It's actually holy. Presence is"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2834.78,"endTime":2841.82,"body":"holy. Withness is holy before"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2841.82,"endTime":2845.66,"body":"the solution comes before the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2841.82,"endTime":2845.66,"body":"cherry on top comes. Jesus"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2845.66,"endTime":2850.46,"body":"showed us that. And I just think"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2845.66,"endTime":2850.46,"body":"we get to model it. And I think"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2850.46,"endTime":2855.08,"body":"it heals us truly, truly. I've"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2850.46,"endTime":2855.08,"body":"seen it. It"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2855.08,"endTime":2860.02,"body":"does. It can,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2855.08,"endTime":2860.02,"body":"yeah, but, man, it's so hard"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2860.08,"endTime":2866.14,"body":"when, like, hey, there's it's"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2860.08,"endTime":2866.14,"body":"real, like I, I know that I just"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2866.14,"endTime":2869.8,"body":"want Jesus is going to weep with"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2866.14,"endTime":2869.8,"body":"me. He's present with me. This"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2869.8,"endTime":2873.46,"body":"person is sitting here, present"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2869.8,"endTime":2873.46,"body":"with me. That's great. But also,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2873.46,"endTime":2875.56,"body":"you want a solution? I want"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2876.1,"endTime":2878.4,"body":"it to go away. But"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2876.1,"endTime":2878.4,"body":"no, tell me, though, no, you"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2878.52,"endTime":2882.0,"body":"know, it's interesting. We have"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2878.52,"endTime":2882.0,"body":"this saying in our confessional"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2882.0,"endTime":2885.0,"body":"community, and we're a group of"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2882.0,"endTime":2885.0,"body":"seven women who, like all do the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2885.0,"endTime":2887.76,"body":"same thing. We're leaders, we're"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2885.0,"endTime":2887.76,"body":"speakers, podcasters, authors,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2887.82,"endTime":2891.72,"body":"all the things. And so we are"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2887.82,"endTime":2891.72,"body":"smart. We can come up with"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2891.72,"endTime":2894.66,"body":"solutions. And we have this"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2891.72,"endTime":2894.66,"body":"saying in our confessional"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2894.66,"endTime":2898.58,"body":"community, because, again, those"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2894.66,"endTime":2898.58,"body":"three hours are saved and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2898.58,"endTime":2903.32,"body":"separated for withness, and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2898.58,"endTime":2903.32,"body":"we're all very well connected,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2903.44,"endTime":2907.04,"body":"and we're all very smart. So we"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2903.44,"endTime":2907.04,"body":"have this saying in the group,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2907.16,"endTime":2911.0,"body":"when you're ready and not"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2907.16,"endTime":2911.0,"body":"before. We say things like, hey"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2911.0,"endTime":2915.8,"body":"when the call is over, if you'd"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2911.0,"endTime":2915.8,"body":"like, I'd love to talk through"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2915.8,"endTime":2922.18,"body":"some solutions, but when you're"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2915.8,"endTime":2922.18,"body":"ready, and not before. Because"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2922.24,"endTime":2927.22,"body":"what's easy for all of us is to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2922.24,"endTime":2927.22,"body":"rush through the pain. We want"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2927.22,"endTime":2930.82,"body":"to get out. We want to get to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2927.22,"endTime":2930.82,"body":"solution. I just kind of sort of"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2930.82,"endTime":2935.68,"body":"believe that that messy middle"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2930.82,"endTime":2935.68,"body":"is where resilience grows. It's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2935.68,"endTime":2939.24,"body":"where capacity grows. I tell my"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2935.68,"endTime":2939.24,"body":"woman, women in the healing"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2939.24,"endTime":2943.56,"body":"course, I'm like, Guys, healing"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2939.24,"endTime":2943.56,"body":"is not about somehow getting to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2943.56,"endTime":2947.58,"body":"a point where a perfect life"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2943.56,"endTime":2947.58,"body":"magically appears. It's about"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2947.58,"endTime":2952.08,"body":"creating capacity to hold the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2947.58,"endTime":2952.08,"body":"pain, and that capacity is"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2952.08,"endTime":2956.7,"body":"created in the valleys when you"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2952.08,"endTime":2956.7,"body":"let yourself feel it. And that's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2956.7,"endTime":2960.26,"body":"what we're doing. We're"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2956.7,"endTime":2960.26,"body":"fostering a separate time for us"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2960.26,"endTime":2964.1,"body":"to just be with each other, not"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2960.26,"endTime":2964.1,"body":"void, eventually, of solution,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2964.1,"endTime":2967.58,"body":"because we have to work, you"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2964.1,"endTime":2967.58,"body":"know what I'm saying. We have to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2967.58,"endTime":2969.98,"body":"get out of things that are"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2967.58,"endTime":2969.98,"body":"abusive. We have to, you know,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2970.04,"endTime":2977.66,"body":"all these things. And I think we"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2970.04,"endTime":2977.66,"body":"do surgery when we just let it"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2978.98,"endTime":2980.98,"body":"be about with this for a little"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":2978.98,"endTime":2980.98,"body":"while."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2981.1,"endTime":2983.5,"body":"Yeah, witness is"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2981.1,"endTime":2983.5,"body":"so important. We, my wife and I"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2983.5,"endTime":2985.96,"body":"worked with war refugees for a"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2983.5,"endTime":2985.96,"body":"long time in the Middle East."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2985.96,"endTime":2990.58,"body":"And like at first we we went to"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2985.96,"endTime":2990.58,"body":"the Middle East so that we could"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2990.76,"endTime":2997.0,"body":"see Jesus be known in places"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2990.76,"endTime":2997.0,"body":"he's not yet known. Wow. And we"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2997.0,"endTime":3000.56,"body":"realized working with war"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":2997.0,"endTime":3000.56,"body":"refugees like part of it is"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3000.56,"endTime":3005.66,"body":"actually being the presence of"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3000.56,"endTime":3005.66,"body":"Jesus in those places. It's not"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3005.66,"endTime":3009.5,"body":"just about telling them about"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3005.66,"endTime":3009.5,"body":"Jesus. It's actually being like"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3010.1,"endTime":3016.04,"body":"Jesus with them. I remember"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3010.1,"endTime":3016.04,"body":"someone had their four day old"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3016.1,"endTime":3020.62,"body":"daughter passed away like so"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3016.1,"endTime":3020.62,"body":"they come out there, the war"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3020.62,"endTime":3023.74,"body":"refugees coming out of the war"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3020.62,"endTime":3023.74,"body":"and, you know, and then another"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3023.74,"endTime":3028.18,"body":"tragedy happens. This four day"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3023.74,"endTime":3028.18,"body":"old daughter dies. And we come"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3028.18,"endTime":3032.8,"body":"over and like, what do you do?"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3028.18,"endTime":3032.8,"body":"What do you say? And so we're"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3032.8,"endTime":3035.98,"body":"sitting there, and all i i Just"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3032.8,"endTime":3035.98,"body":"remember, it's my wife went up"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3035.98,"endTime":3040.74,"body":"next to her, and she said, hey,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3035.98,"endTime":3040.74,"body":"when Jesus's friend died, he"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3040.74,"endTime":3044.34,"body":"wept, he cried, and he's weeping"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3040.74,"endTime":3044.34,"body":"with you, and she just put her"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3044.34,"endTime":3049.98,"body":"arm around her and just sat"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3044.34,"endTime":3049.98,"body":"there and just held her. And"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3049.98,"endTime":3053.04,"body":"sometimes that's all we could"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3049.98,"endTime":3053.04,"body":"do, but sometimes that's the"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3053.04,"endTime":3055.02,"body":"best thing, yep, that we could"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3053.04,"endTime":3055.02,"body":"do,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3055.68,"endTime":3058.64,"body":"yeah, the best"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3055.68,"endTime":3058.64,"body":"thing. I love that so much, and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3058.64,"endTime":3061.82,"body":"I love it for the person who"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3058.64,"endTime":3061.82,"body":"says, Well, I'm not a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3061.82,"endTime":3064.94,"body":"communicator, I'm not a writer,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3061.82,"endTime":3064.94,"body":"I'm not a podcaster, like, how"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3064.94,"endTime":3067.82,"body":"can I be Jesus? For people I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3064.94,"endTime":3067.82,"body":"don't have these gifts and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3067.82,"endTime":3073.94,"body":"talents. Presence is enough."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3067.82,"endTime":3073.94,"body":"It's just enough. I don't have"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3073.94,"endTime":3079.84,"body":"any other fancy thing to say."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3073.94,"endTime":3079.84,"body":"All I know is in some of the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3079.84,"endTime":3084.94,"body":"hardest moments of my whole life"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3079.84,"endTime":3084.94,"body":"these past two years, it wasn't"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3085.78,"endTime":3089.56,"body":"the donuts that my friends"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3085.78,"endTime":3089.56,"body":"brought, it wasn't the furniture"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3089.62,"endTime":3092.68,"body":"that they put in my house."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3089.62,"endTime":3092.68,"body":"Sometimes it was my friend"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3092.68,"endTime":3099.48,"body":"Aaron, just quiet on the phone"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3092.68,"endTime":3099.48,"body":"while I wept that those it's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3099.48,"endTime":3103.56,"body":"like seared into my brain that I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3099.48,"endTime":3103.56,"body":"had people that would just be"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3103.74,"endTime":3107.88,"body":"with me, that didn't expect"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3103.74,"endTime":3107.88,"body":"anything from me, I didn't have"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3107.88,"endTime":3110.34,"body":"to articulate all the things I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3107.88,"endTime":3110.34,"body":"was feeling, that they would"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3110.34,"endTime":3118.22,"body":"just let me cry. That takes a a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3110.34,"endTime":3118.22,"body":"strong, faithful friend. To say,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3118.22,"endTime":3122.42,"body":"Man, I could offer up so many"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3118.22,"endTime":3122.42,"body":"different things right now, but"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3122.42,"endTime":3127.52,"body":"presence, I know, is what you"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3122.42,"endTime":3127.52,"body":"need, and it's enough. Truly."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3128.24,"endTime":3130.16,"body":"Yeah, that's"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3128.24,"endTime":3130.16,"body":"beautiful. Yeah, that's"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3130.16,"endTime":3134.36,"body":"beautiful. So what is your hope"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3130.16,"endTime":3134.36,"body":"for your readers, the people"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3134.42,"endTime":3137.06,"body":"pick up, don't try this alone."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3134.42,"endTime":3137.06,"body":"What do you hope that we Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3137.06,"endTime":3140.02,"body":"I think the first"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3137.06,"endTime":3140.02,"body":"thing is, I really hope that the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3140.02,"endTime":3147.04,"body":"book validates pain and brings"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3140.02,"endTime":3147.04,"body":"out bravery from that place,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3147.52,"endTime":3151.96,"body":"because I do think it takes"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3147.52,"endTime":3151.96,"body":"bravery to be honest about what"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3152.02,"endTime":3156.1,"body":"you're going through. I think"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3152.02,"endTime":3156.1,"body":"from that place of being brave"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3156.1,"endTime":3160.32,"body":"enough to be honest, I deeply,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3156.1,"endTime":3160.32,"body":"deeply pray that people would"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3160.32,"endTime":3163.8,"body":"start to get bold, that they"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3160.32,"endTime":3163.8,"body":"would start to put themselves"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3163.8,"endTime":3168.18,"body":"out there. I mean, it's awkward."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3163.8,"endTime":3168.18,"body":"It's awkward as an adult, you"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3168.18,"endTime":3171.18,"body":"know, like, Hey, you're gonna be"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3168.18,"endTime":3171.18,"body":"my friend. What are you even"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3171.18,"endTime":3175.32,"body":"talking about? Like, it is just"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3171.18,"endTime":3175.32,"body":"difficult and awkward, and it"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3175.32,"endTime":3179.54,"body":"takes a boldness that says, I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3175.32,"endTime":3179.54,"body":"know that I can't do this life"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3179.54,"endTime":3182.6,"body":"alone, and so I'm going to fight"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3179.54,"endTime":3182.6,"body":"for it. I'm gonna get back up"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3182.6,"endTime":3185.48,"body":"again. I'm gonna trust again."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3182.6,"endTime":3185.48,"body":"I'm gonna believe that there are"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3185.48,"endTime":3188.06,"body":"11 out there that I can trust,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3185.48,"endTime":3188.06,"body":"even though that one betrayed"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3188.06,"endTime":3194.06,"body":"me. I'm not gonna let anyone"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3188.06,"endTime":3194.06,"body":"take away my opportunity to have"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3194.06,"endTime":3197.24,"body":"people that see me and know me"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3194.06,"endTime":3197.24,"body":"and soothe me and create safety"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3197.24,"endTime":3201.52,"body":"for me and secure attachment. I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3197.24,"endTime":3201.52,"body":"just I pray that bravery comes."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3201.7,"endTime":3206.32,"body":"I pray that a boldness comes,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3201.7,"endTime":3206.32,"body":"and then when you have built a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3206.32,"endTime":3211.84,"body":"solid community, my prayer is"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3206.32,"endTime":3211.84,"body":"that you would be a good friend."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3212.2,"endTime":3215.44,"body":"That's been the awesome thing"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3212.2,"endTime":3215.44,"body":"about my story is that I've seen"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3215.44,"endTime":3219.36,"body":"so much pain and I needed to be"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3215.44,"endTime":3219.36,"body":"rescued from so many things that"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3219.36,"endTime":3223.14,"body":"now I know how to rescue I know"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3219.36,"endTime":3223.14,"body":"what people need, because I've"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3223.14,"endTime":3227.58,"body":"been shown such a grace and a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3223.14,"endTime":3227.58,"body":"love and just I just have the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3227.58,"endTime":3230.46,"body":"best people in my life. I have"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3227.58,"endTime":3230.46,"body":"prayed for them. I've had hard"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3230.46,"endTime":3233.88,"body":"conversations with them, like we"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3230.46,"endTime":3233.88,"body":"have had ruptures, is what we"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3233.88,"endTime":3237.3,"body":"call them, and we have repaired"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3233.88,"endTime":3237.3,"body":"them. But now I can like because"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3237.42,"endTime":3240.56,"body":"I've experienced what it feels"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3237.42,"endTime":3240.56,"body":"like to have good friends. I can"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3240.56,"endTime":3243.8,"body":"be that to other people. I can"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3240.56,"endTime":3243.8,"body":"be that to my children."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3244.04,"endTime":3246.38,"body":"So good. If you"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3244.04,"endTime":3246.38,"body":"go back to your 21 year old"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3246.38,"endTime":3247.58,"body":"self, what advice would you"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3246.38,"endTime":3247.58,"body":"give?"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3247.88,"endTime":3251.42,"body":"Hey, close your"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3247.88,"endTime":3251.42,"body":"legs. Okay. Uh, I'm sorry that"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3251.42,"endTime":3254.3,"body":"one just came out of me. It's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3251.42,"endTime":3254.3,"body":"true. Um, maybe it's something"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3254.3,"endTime":3257.0,"body":"more profound that's going to"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3254.3,"endTime":3257.0,"body":"come here in a second, but that"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3257.0,"endTime":3262.9,"body":"was the first thing that can"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3257.0,"endTime":3262.9,"body":"Okay, um, no, but I, I was, um,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3262.9,"endTime":3265.54,"body":"I've been a performer my whole"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3262.9,"endTime":3265.54,"body":"life. I've been on stages. I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3265.54,"endTime":3269.14,"body":"graduated high school at 16,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3265.54,"endTime":3269.14,"body":"college at 19, like, I mean,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3269.14,"endTime":3271.78,"body":"just run, run, run, run, run,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3269.14,"endTime":3271.78,"body":"check off the to do list all the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3271.78,"endTime":3275.14,"body":"things like it was about doing."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3271.78,"endTime":3275.14,"body":"And truly, I wish I could look"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3275.14,"endTime":3279.48,"body":"at 21 year old Tony and say the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3275.14,"endTime":3279.48,"body":"greatest thing you'll ever do is"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3279.48,"endTime":3283.8,"body":"be a daughter of God, like not"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3279.48,"endTime":3283.8,"body":"do anything. It's like the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3283.8,"endTime":3288.78,"body":"greatest thing you'll ever do is"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3283.8,"endTime":3288.78,"body":"be like you will just learn how"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3288.78,"endTime":3293.46,"body":"to just be, and I'm still"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3288.78,"endTime":3293.46,"body":"learning that. But that piece of"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3293.46,"endTime":3295.98,"body":"advice, I think, would have"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3293.46,"endTime":3295.98,"body":"helped me invite people in"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3295.98,"endTime":3299.42,"body":"sooner. I don't think I would"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3295.98,"endTime":3299.42,"body":"have been in pain alone for so"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3299.42,"endTime":3302.78,"body":"long if I would have known that"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3299.42,"endTime":3302.78,"body":"I didn't even have to do"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3302.78,"endTime":3307.58,"body":"anything to be loved. Okay, so"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3302.78,"endTime":3307.58,"body":"that's my second answer, but"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3307.58,"endTime":3310.88,"body":"that first one remains true,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3307.58,"endTime":3310.88,"body":"dang it. Okay. You're loved."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3311.6,"endTime":3314.9,"body":"You're loved so"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3311.6,"endTime":3314.9,"body":"deeply loved. Yes, anything"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3314.9,"endTime":3317.12,"body":"you've been reading or watching"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3314.9,"endTime":3317.12,"body":"lately you could recommend,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3318.02,"endTime":3322.24,"body":"ooh, that's a hard"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3318.02,"endTime":3322.24,"body":"okay, so I read good boundaries"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3322.24,"endTime":3326.32,"body":"and goodbyes by Lisa Turkers."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3322.24,"endTime":3326.32,"body":"Game Changer. I am clawing. I'm"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3326.32,"endTime":3329.8,"body":"talking about clawing because I"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3326.32,"endTime":3329.8,"body":"don't want to read it forgiving"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3329.8,"endTime":3333.1,"body":"what you can't forget. It's like"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3329.8,"endTime":3333.1,"body":"the prelude to my book. It's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3333.1,"endTime":3335.44,"body":"like, if you're having a"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3333.1,"endTime":3335.44,"body":"difficult time trusting people,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3335.5,"endTime":3337.96,"body":"that's where you start, and then"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3335.5,"endTime":3337.96,"body":"you'll come on over to my book."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3337.96,"endTime":3341.04,"body":"You know what I'm saying? Yeah,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3337.96,"endTime":3341.04,"body":"but, my goodness, it is. It's"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3341.04,"endTime":3345.06,"body":"just been like the hardest thing"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3341.04,"endTime":3345.06,"body":"for me to forgive, you know, and"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3345.06,"endTime":3348.0,"body":"I just don't want that to hold"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3345.06,"endTime":3348.0,"body":"me back from a really fruitful"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3348.0,"endTime":3352.86,"body":"life of community and withness."},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3348.0,"endTime":3352.86,"body":"But those are the two."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3353.1,"endTime":3355.2,"body":"Well, that's"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3353.1,"endTime":3355.2,"body":"good, because you know what"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3355.2,"endTime":3358.58,"body":"forgiveness does? It releases"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3355.2,"endTime":3358.58,"body":"you from the chains that you're"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3358.58,"endTime":3362.84,"body":"carrying, not from what someone"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3358.58,"endTime":3362.84,"body":"did to you or anything else."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3363.2,"endTime":3366.98,"body":"That's it. It is, it is a"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3363.2,"endTime":3366.98,"body":"beautiful thing. It's so good."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3367.34,"endTime":3372.68,"body":"And it's Yeah, it doesn't give"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3367.34,"endTime":3372.68,"body":"people excuses at all, but it"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3372.68,"endTime":3375.14,"body":"releases you from the chains"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3372.68,"endTime":3375.14,"body":"that you've been carrying. So,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3375.5,"endTime":3382.0,"body":"yeah, forgiveness. It's want it,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3375.5,"endTime":3382.0,"body":"but the secret sauce. It is the"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3382.0,"endTime":3386.56,"body":"secret sauce. Is the secret"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3382.0,"endTime":3386.56,"body":"sauce. Tony, this book,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3386.56,"endTime":3390.46,"body":"fantastic. I really want people"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3386.56,"endTime":3390.46,"body":"to go and get this book, learn"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3390.46,"endTime":3394.54,"body":"how to actually do it with a"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3390.46,"endTime":3394.54,"body":"community, to heal, to come"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3394.54,"endTime":3397.3,"body":"together, start these"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3394.54,"endTime":3397.3,"body":"confessional communities,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3397.3,"endTime":3399.9,"body":"because these confessional"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3397.3,"endTime":3399.9,"body":"communities will heal the"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3399.9,"endTime":3404.7,"body":"church. We've come up with a"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3399.9,"endTime":3404.7,"body":"solution. We know it to consult"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3404.7,"endTime":3408.48,"body":"your church. That's right. And"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3404.7,"endTime":3408.48,"body":"so Tony, this has been"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3408.48,"endTime":3412.26,"body":"fantastic. Is where can people"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3408.48,"endTime":3412.26,"body":"connect with you? Where would"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3412.26,"endTime":3414.9,"body":"you like to point people to? Is"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3412.26,"endTime":3414.9,"body":"there anywhere specific you'd"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3414.9,"endTime":3416.52,"body":"like to get have people get the"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3414.9,"endTime":3416.52,"body":"book?"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3417.12,"endTime":3419.18,"body":"Yes. You can head"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3417.12,"endTime":3419.18,"body":"to my website. It's tonyj"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3419.18,"endTime":3423.38,"body":"collier.com, T, o, n, i, j, c,"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3419.18,"endTime":3423.38,"body":"O, L, L, I, E, R, everything is"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3423.38,"endTime":3426.62,"body":"there that you need. I hope you"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3423.38,"endTime":3426.62,"body":"dive in. I hope you grab some of"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3426.62,"endTime":3429.32,"body":"the freebies that's on the"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3426.62,"endTime":3429.32,"body":"website too. Those are super"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3429.32,"endTime":3432.08,"body":"helpful and useful. And I hope"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3429.32,"endTime":3432.08,"body":"you grab the book. Don't try"},{"speaker":"Toni Collier","startTime":3432.08,"endTime":3432.74,"body":"this alone."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3433.46,"endTime":3435.08,"body":"Perfect. Well,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3433.46,"endTime":3435.08,"body":"Tony, thank you for this"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3435.08,"endTime":3438.04,"body":"conversation. It was fantastic."},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3435.08,"endTime":3438.04,"body":"I really enjoyed talking to you,"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3438.34,"endTime":3442.24,"body":"thank you for going deep right"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3438.34,"endTime":3442.24,"body":"away, and it was fantastic. So"},{"speaker":"Joshua Johnson","startTime":3442.24,"endTime":3443.38,"body":"thank you. Thank you."}]}