Ep. 362 Glen Henry - Father Yourself First

Glen Henry, the creator of Beleaf in Fatherhood, shares his story of how resistance turned into calling - how learning to father himself helped him become the father his children needed. We talk about the inherited baggage we carry, the control we try to hold, and the grace that grows when we choose presence over perfection. Glen opens up about fatherhood as a form of cultural resistance, the power of family to heal generational wounds, and the daily work of creating a home rooted in love and faith. It’s a conversation about wholeness, Black fatherhood, and the beauty of learning to be fathered by God while raising children in a complicated world.

Glen Henry is the creative force behind the beloved YouTube channel Beleaf in Fatherhood, where he blends humor, honesty, and heart to uplift and inspire families around the world. A devoted father and visionary storyteller, Glen uses his platform to champion positive parenting and redefine what modern fatherhood looks like. Beyond
YouTube, he connects with audiences through social media, workshops, and speaking engagements — encouraging dads to show up with love, purpose, and presence. With his relatable voice and unwavering passion, Glen has become a leading advocate for strong families and meaningful father-child relationships.

Glen's Book:

Father Yourself First

Glen's Recommendation:

Successful Failure

Connect with Joshua: jjohnson@shiftingculturepodcast.com

Go to www.shiftingculturepodcast.com to interact and donate. Every donation helps to produce more podcasts for you to enjoy.

Follow on Facebook, Instagram, Twitter, Threads, Bluesky or YouTube

Consider Giving to the podcast and to the ministry that my wife and I do around the world. Just click on the support the show link below

Get the Presence over Power collection at shiftingculturepodcast.com/store

Get Your Sidekick

Transcript

Glen Henry: 0:31

I don't even know if we know exactly all the contents that we're giving the kid. We're just thinking we're giving them gift. And this right here, is boldness in defiance, and it's strong. You have grit, right? But it really is like, man, you have an unnatural desire to control everything. We got to see that as like, Hey, if you harness this, well, this can be a gift to you, or this also could be a problem.

Joshua Johnson: 1:06

Hello and welcome to the shifting culture podcast in which we have conversations about the culture we create and the impact we could make. We long to see the body of Christ look like Jesus. I'm your host. Joshua Johnson, fatherhood is one of the most sacred callings and one of the hardest to get right. Glenn Henry, known for his work with belief in fatherhood, joins me to talk about the beauty and struggle of learning to Father yourself. First, we talk about the baggage we carry the control we try to hold and the grace required to raise children with presence, patience and love. Glenn shares how fatherhood became an act of cultural resistance, a reimagining of what black family, faith and manhood could look like in a world that often tells the wrong story. This conversation is about healing what's been broken, giving our kids empty suitcases to fill with their own lives, and discovering how the father of us all continues to make us whole. So join us as we explore how to break cycles, live present and embrace fatherhood as both calling and gift. Here is my conversation with Glenn Henry Glen Welcome to shifting culture. So excited to have you on thanks for joining me. I'm

Glen Henry: 2:18

honored to be here. Thank you so much for giving me the platform and opportunity to speak with you, and hopefully we can be edifying to some some fathers and some families out there, for sure.

Joshua Johnson: 2:27

Hey, man, I hope so too, and I hope that that happens. But you know, when it comes to fatherhood and fathering, you say, and you start in the beginning of your book, you said, I never wanted to be a father. What shifted from the resistance to wanting to be a father into a place of now, it's a calling for you.

Glen Henry: 2:46

I think for me, the real thing was I didn't really know what I was missing, because I never saw proof that, like, good fathers were, like, passionate about the role. It just seemed like such a burden for so many men in my life. And not to say that they were all like, struggling, but there weren't any examples that I saw that I could have identified with so much until I was invited over to, you know? And I'm at the age where my friends are starting to have kids, and I'm like, Well, I don't think I could ever do that, you know. And then I was invited over. A youth pastor invited me over to his family. Had like, six daughters at the time, five daughters, I think. And I come over, and I'm just like watching everyone, and I, for the first time, I felt, it felt like harmony in a room. I never thought of a room having like a sound that kind of echoed off the walls. But it wasn't, it wasn't as sharp as I remember it growing up, and it was pleasant, and everyone seemed like they belonged. And there was like, there was, of course, you know, as a family. So, you know, there's all types of stuff happening in the family, but there was no one that felt like they were, seemed like they were exiled or a nuisance, and I even felt welcomed. And so I realized for the first time, I had proof of good fatherhood, and I wanted, I thought, I thought, I believed, at that moment, I can do that as well.

Joshua Johnson: 4:12

I think that's kind of interesting to think of like, oh, we actually could see a different path, a different way forward, that there's a different example in there. Oftentimes we get stuck in our dysfunctions, in the way that we were raised, the way we see our community around us, and we don't see a different path, a different way. We just perpetuate the same thing. Your book, Father yourself first. How does that start to work to shift the perspective of the dysfunctions I came from? So I don't perpetuate that as a father, but then I actually get some healing so that I can be a father.

Glen Henry: 4:54

Well, the thing is, I think when I saw proof of good fatherhood, I realized that I was whether I wanted to or not, I was already proving what I believed by how I lived, right? So you're not necessarily preaching from from a pulpit, but you are preaching with your life and how you display, or even what you choose to do. And I think that what happens is, like believers, like, we realize, Oh man, you know, we're supposed to be light in the dark world, right? And we're supposed to, like, represent well, but the only time you really see that lived out is, like evangelism. You. Worship, music or preaching now for the basic function of humanity, right? Friendship, family, that's all really good stuff, right? And so I recognize that if I was to venture into fatherhood, I wasn't I didn't want to lie and pretended like everything was amazing, or whatever. I think I was kind of a little obsessed with, like, at least doing it in a way that I didn't ruin my children. Because I haven't. I had no desire to be around my family once I grew up, you know, and I was just like, well, I don't want people to walk into this blind, because it was the greatest school I ever been to when I had my first son and my second son, and then I was a stay at home dad. I was like, Oh, no one would believe me if I told you what happened today. You know what I mean? Like, I crawled around for hours trying to find the poop in the carpet, and it was on my face. You know what I'm saying? Like, that is crazy. So I started to document it and realize like, Oh, my dad tried to teach me things, but these kids are forcing me to apply them, because I'm seeing the childish behavior in myself when they start having attention and I start having one. And so there's a level of immaturity that just exists in our in our adulthood, when we see things we don't like. When we get in road rage, you see it. You see it. Pop up little, little tantrums. And those are little gifts from our child, our inner child, saying, Hey, you really didn't grow up out of that. And so I realized what happened was that my I was experiencing the same thing for my mom, where she's a grown adult, my mother having a tantrum at a at the age of 50. I was like, Oh, I deserve better than that, you know. And so do my children. And I realized that there was a level of application I was I need to apply to myself that I was actually showing to my kids. I need to learn the lessons more than they think. And so, yeah, that's kind of where, that's kind of how it happens.

Joshua Johnson: 7:31

I think there's a tendency I know you know, for me as as a father, and for others that I've seen, there's a tendency that we want to control the outcomes of who our kids are, how they act or what they do, not just because we want the best for them, it's because we are, something's happening on the inside of ourselves. It's rubbing us to get the wrong way. We're reacting to the fear and the shame and the false narratives that we have been given, and we're putting them on our children because we haven't done the work ourselves. How do we start to recognize that these are some some fears, some things that we have to deal with and reckon with in our own lives. And it's not really just about the kids right now. Sometimes it's about us.

Glen Henry: 8:22

Well, I think it's all always, always about us. And the thing is, my kids are young, so my oldest is 12, and you know what's so beautiful? I don't have a degree or anything, but God has given me such a gift to recognize seeds. I see what happens when accountability is just kind of like, oh, he just is. That's how he is, until he's a grown adult, like, Oh, you don't understand him. I know I understand he's never had accountability, right? So we see what seeds look like, full grown. The thing is, what I realize as a as a father, is that I'm very, like, immature, right? So I get irritated easily that we call it seasoning around the house when the kids are yelling and screaming and jumping and you hear banging, kind of like, oh my gosh, what was that? But I realized that's a problem for me. It's not their problem. You know, I have a problem with wanting to control the atmosphere, so I have a peace of mind, and I can work well from home. But I realized that some of the things that I find annoying are gifts that they have. You know, like to hear your kids yelling, scream and play fight and all that stuff. And, you know, paint on the walls or whatever like, that's annoying to an adult. That's that's a that's amazing for a child. And so I think I learned this. I learned this early is that, oh, I'm going to try to control them every single chance I get, and that is only beneficial for me when I can teach them that here are the boundaries you have, and this is where, if you go outside this boundary, it's now out of it's now out of my control. I can't help you, right? So I want to help you inside all these, these guidelines, but once you get outside of that, I can't, I can't do anything for you. So, you know, you recognizing you may have a kid that has an anger problem or just kind of like, you know, lashes out and, you know, we have a kid who, who will, somebody will say something to him, and he'll respond back with physical like, you know, he'll push him. Push him, or, you know, try to him, and everyone's running around. And I say, you know, that can't, that can't exist outside the house, right? Because if you someone says something to you, hit him outside this house, like, that's now someone else's problem. And so I can, I can help you. Like. Guide that while you're here, but unfortunately, if that's how you learn to respond like someone else is going to take you away from me, and I cannot help you, right? So the control piece is really teaching the children to control themselves, right? I have another kid who goes, no one wants to play with me. And I'm like, Yeah, because every time you play and you win, you throw it in their face and call them a loser. Like, who wants to play with somebody like that? I'm like, Hey, like, if you can learn? Because I'm like, Dude, you can't keep, like, coercing people into playing games with you, and then then all of a sudden, you're mean, and you're a bully. Like, what the heck? And he's like, yeah, I get it. But then we go, are we gonna play another round? Who wants to be on his team? Now I won't be on this team. I'm like, Okay, now is everybody against you because you nobody wants to play with you? Now, you got to deal with that. This is what happens when you're a bad teammate, like so the control isn't me controlling the kids, it's you teaching them how to control themselves for what they want. Self control is the best control, right? That's what you know, fruit of spirit, right? I am not there yet, but I see the struggle of parents with adult children who are like, Man, I hate this, right? Like they won't let me take my grandkids over here. They don't want me to do this. They won't let me let them drink juice at night. They they all, you know, I'm saying, like, it's so much, and I'm realizing, Oh, that's a seed that came from your when you had them in there, in your house. And now they're grown ups. And now, now you want to control them as an adult. It don't work that way. They have the joystick. They control ON, OFF button, you can't do nothing, right? So right now, it's a stewardship opportunity that's

Joshua Johnson: 12:17

so good to reframe it as stewardship, and I think stewardship is really key. How has having multiple children helped you as a father, to see the differences within kids and what they might need?

Glen Henry: 12:31

Having multiple children. I have one wife, but it's not the same person I married. And that is weird. When you expect someone not to change, right? I'm like, Man, I have a master's degree in this woman. And it's easy to have a master's degree in someone until the curriculum changes and it's no longer even the same subject. You know, there was a point where I realized in marriage, I was marrying someone's daughter like I was with she was still acting as a child of her mother more than a wife to me. So once I realized that I have to pursue who she is at this current moment in time, not who she was 15 years ago. Like that is a lesson in itself. So when you apply that to the child, and each of these children are completely different, and I want to say that that's true privilege in a really good gift, in a good job me as a father and my wife as a mother for allowing them to be themselves and not forcing them all to be the same kid so that we can function throughout the day. But that's a place of privilege, because we are stay at home parents, and we can manage that, right? If we were working nine to five and we come home and we got three hours and everyone's trying to be themselves, we're like, look, bedtime, dinner, leave me alone, right? So I would say that, you know, it's taught me more about myself. I connect with each kid differently. I don't like to get my nails painted. I don't like what my daughter does that. It's not comfortable for me, but I will accept the invitation, because she's the only girl, and, you know, her brothers don't want to do that, and I'm Dad and I can do that, so I accept that invitation. It has also showed me, bro, why you? Are you tripping off nail polish? What's the big deal? Right? But there's something inside of me that says that's too feminine, or doesn't show masculinity or whatever. Like, that's something inside of me where I'm kind of like, Dude, it's your daughter. Like, I'm having this internal coaching for myself. Like, grow up. Like, this is an opportunity for you to accept the invitation. Your daughter wants to paint your nails. Are you going to accept it? Are you going to force her to fold into what you want it to be? I have to go. I'm accepting this invitation. What color I want? Green. You know, my son loves hockey. He's a black kid who plays hockey. I don't know nothing about hockey, you know? I'm, I'm, he's going to try outs. You know, they have, like, extra gear out of a bin. None of it fits. It's kind of like the Little Giants. Remember that movie when they all had that leftover gear and they were like, like, training in the junkyard, right? He looked like that. And I'm watching other kids tie the skates and figuring out how to, like, put all this stuff on. He's got his chest thing on backwards and his pants on backwards. It looks like so goofy. And I'm like, I don't want him to play I want him to play basketball, because I can help him with that. Now, he's so different. He's excelling in this sport. He's a good learner. He's really good, right? He plays in line. So I'm like, All right, well, I guess we're a hockey family. Now, it's taught me to accept the invitation that the child, the individual, is giving you, right, not forcing everybody to fold into this origami of a family where they can't escape, right? And that takes a lot of time and a lot of room, but it's also taught me that, you know, for the people that are important to you, you can, you can adjust. Everything doesn't have to go your way. So, you know, it's so beautiful, the grace that God has given me to see the lesson and apply to me, right? Like the lesson is like, Oh, you get to have a better relationship with your child, but you also get to be shaped more into this, like father for these specific children. But you know what's crazy? It gets even weirder when the application of fatherhood has to go outside your home, right? So then your friend comes around and they're throwing a tantrum, and you recognize that this is a tantrum, but you want to respond back with your inner child and with another tantrum. So let's have our inner child's fight and see who comes out on top. Or you could say, I understand that you're feeling a certain way. I don't really know how to serve you right now because I can't understand you. But you know, whenever you're ready, like, I'm willing to, you know, help you process this, you know, it's it allows me to say, I can't just be a patient father like that. Needs to spread out. And so Fatherhood has ministered me into that way, in that way

Joshua Johnson: 17:01

I love this, the metaphor you use as as baggage, the baggage that we carry. You said, many of the things that I carry are not there because I chose to have them, but because I didn't choose to leave them, how have you started to choose to leave things that you were carrying that did not serve you as a father?

Glen Henry: 17:21

You know, this is, this is kind of the hardest, one of the hardest things, because it's the season we're in right now. You know, I liken it to like a suitcase you get as like an heirloom, like a gift that you get from your parents and they say, Hey, we got this. Your grandpa, your grandparents had, and my their grandparents had, and this is something that we've kept in their family for years. Here you go, it'll hold everything, just don't unpack it. Okay? Here you go. And you catching this heavy. You're like, Man, this is heavy. This is, you know, but it's nice, you know. And I only need one suitcase, so I'll be fine. And you carry that thing around, and sooner or later, the weight gets easier because you've been carrying and then they say they don't unpack it, right? And you don't unpack it. But the thing is, most of us don't even look to see what's in it, right? That's their business. That was before them. But I promise you, those things in that bag will come up. You'll start to smell it, you know, it'll soil your stuff, and it'll, it'll become the smell of your home. And so what I, what I like to challenge people to do is What's in that bag, what's in there. Let's look at and see if that's gonna be useful for you. And a lot of times, what happens, unfortunately, is we assess the contents of what's in the bag, and we recognize it's not good for us, and then we have to let the other people know that they're not carrying this. We're not carrying this into our next season. And sometimes that comes with a lot of drama and sometimes ending of relationships, because some of that is, like, you know, like, with something, right? So isn't, is a general, like, idea, like, you know, tolerance, right? Like, so I tolerate how my parent will speak to me in a way that is, you know, they may call me on my name, right? Call me a curse word, and that's just a part of our culture, right? I'm not saying black culture, but the culture of our family. And so I'll go, Yeah, I don't want you to talk to me like that. No more, especially you're from front of my kids, and matter of fact, you can't do that. Well, you know, I'm your mother, I can do whatever I want. Oh, that that doesn't work for me. So it's either you stop or you won't have access to me, because love doesn't mean access. True true story, true conversation. Oh, you'll get over it. No, no, the bag is being unpacked. We no longer live in this so you take it back and deal with it so that you can exist in this room, right? Because I don't even want my children to see it, smell it, hear it, nothing. It stops here, right? And so that's easier to do in your own family if you have the courage to stand up to your parents. It's harder to do in your spouse's family, because they're like, this is how we are. This is, you know, say it's even crazy. So my wife and I, for the past two or three years, we've been unpacking bags, looking at the contents, and giving them back to the original owners. The problem is, though we never should have had that stuff in our bag in the first place. We should have had an empty have had an empty suitcase that we can fill with whatever we need. I would

Joshua Johnson: 21:03

love to give my son an empty suitcase to fill with what he needs in life, like it's such a desire in my heart, but I know that I'm gonna give him something. I know that I'm gonna give. Of them, things that he has to carry that I didn't intend to give to him, but I did anyways. What does that look like to give kids empty suitcases?

Glen Henry: 21:27

Well, so here's the thing. Is, like, I don't even know if we know exactly all the contents that we're giving the kid. We're just thinking we're giving them gift, right? And this right here is boldness, right? In defiance, and it's strong. You have grit, right? But it really is like, man, you have an un you have a unnatural desire to control everything. You know what I mean? So we got to see that as like, Hey, if you harness this, well, this can be a gift to you, or this also could be a problem. And so when your kid goes, you know, I don't know how old your kid is, but let me just imagine, not to get specific, because it can be for anybody. So say your kid's 16, and they go, dad, you know, I really wished, you know, we would have spent more time, like, just you and me without mom, like, I just needed more time. Why didn't we spend much time together? Now for you to unpack the bag, you have to confess that it eat. What's what's there? Is there? This is what an average dad would say, bro, I had to work. What do you want me to do you want to be poor? I got to put food on the table. I had to, I had to put a roof over your head. I was stressed. I did better than my dad. What do you want? What do you want from me? Right? That's you saying, take the contents back, and your son goes, got it, they can deal with it, or they could say, I double it and give it to my kid, because I know that work is more important than spending time another way you can deal with it. I'm not saying Correct. I'm not saying this is right, because it's not for me to tell you what's right for you. I don't know your level of maturity. I don't know what what you know what age you are at, mentally, right? So I would say you're right. I spent entirely too much time working and focusing on being successful. I thought that I was doing the right thing at the time, but now, at the age of 16, son, I have to apologize to you. I was wrong. I don't expect you to forgive me for all that missed time, but I'm willing to spend the rest of my life getting this right, if you can just trust me, I just, I just want a chance to get it right, and so I don't, you don't have to tell me what it means or what I have to do, but I'm going to give you invitations and opportunities, and you can accept the ones that work. And if we can do this, then I'm willing to get it right right now that puts that is, that's hard to say, that's hard to commit to, because we as men have our own ambitions, and some women, men, women as well, their own ambitions and desires. Well, I ain't doing all that for you. You 18. You about to be 18 in two years. What I'm not doing, I'm not spending my life doing this again. No, that's your only assignment. You only have however many kids you got, you brought them into the world. Those are your assignments, right? So I think one is like it one forgiving yourself, right? For just being flawed, because that's who you are. We're all human, right? And like, thanking God that your child had the courage enough to say that to you, and you've, you've allowed that door to be open. Okay? Then another thing is being like, okay, now I have to admit that I made a mistake, and I have to commit to whatever invitation they extend to me. So if right after that, he goes, Dad, you want to play Madden, right? And you like, Man, I want to go sit on the toilet and scroll. I want to make myself a sandwich and watch the office. That's what I want to do, right? But, yeah, I don't really know how to play, but give me a second. I'll be right back, and I'll do it yes, and then, like, shutting off your phone and really being into it. That's me with the nails. That's me with hockey, and just a little bit of interest will change their world. Did you know my son's in an inline hockey his favorite team is the Emmental Oilers. He loves Conor McDavid. We've been watching the games here and there. I've been acting like I care. You know what I'm saying, and my agency found out how much we love hockey. They had a connection at the NHL, because they're in Toronto, in the NHL, brought the Stanley Cup to my house, and then two months after that, they they flew us out to Florida, and we went to the game three in the NHL final, all because I showed interest and was filming him and telling good stories. So, you know, I'm not saying that that is, that's like, obviously, that's like, astronomical. How great it could go, right? But what if I just was like, Man, I want you to play hockey. None of that happens.

Joshua Johnson: 26:13

It is difficult. You know, our wants, our desires, as fathers. It's like, Hey, I'm tired. I just want to scroll. I want to do something. I mean, the last couple of weeks, as my son and I are throwing the football in the backyard, I get my phone out, I look at my phone, and he, like, runs over. He's like, I'm gonna smash your phone. Like, put it away. He's telling me, He's eight years old. He's telling me, put your phone away. We're playing football like be present. So he's telling me what he needs and wants, and says that I want you here, and I want you present. And I think even if we're in, if we're present, even if we're present, we're not really present. Sometimes we're distracted. And a it happens. We're human. It does happen. It always happens. But you know, what does it look like to be like to actually show up and to see people and be present and not just be physically there?

Glen Henry: 27:12

You know, on it. Thank you so much for telling me that I know it's vulnerable. And my wife had the same conversation with me last week, and she goes, I just want to let you know you've been on your phone a lot, like, since you woke up. Like, but I was avoiding some things, and I was stressed out, and I was like, I hear you. And she's like, I just want to let you know for the next hour and a half, while the kids are up, you need to, like, put away your phone. And I'm like, I cool. So it helps to have a good partner who can tell you, you know what I'm saying, but I will also say, here's a like, really easy hack is to get them into what you're into. Oh, my God, get them into what you're into. And, you know, at 8h, very interesting age, because it's like, they are, like, my I have an eight year old daughter right now, and she just says whatever comes to her mind, and she often asked me, Hey, I want you to come with us, but I want you to work at all. I'm like, Baby, I can't, I can't not take a phone call. Like, if someone calls me like, you know, she's like, No, I want you to do this. And I'm like, you know, that's unrealistic, you know, saying like, it's not, it's not. You know what I mean? Like, just like me telling you, hey, I want you to do this. I want you to fast with me. You know what I mean? Like, Hey, these are things that I have to do. Now, I won't spend 30 minutes on a phone call, but if someone calls me, I'm gonna take the phone call for five minutes and set those realistic expectations, because I don't want her to grow up in a world where she thinks she can tell people how to manage their time, you know what I'm saying. But I'm like, I love cooking, you know? And they, they like to watch me cook, and they like to help. So I hope I have a Naya cup to okra, you know? It gets all slimy all over our hands. And she's like, I don't like, what is? Why is the pickle doing all this? And I'm like, It's okra, like, I'm teaching her, I'm a part of the lifestyle, and so it allows her to be a part. And I think cooking is one of those things for me that's like a hack, you know? Because everyone likes to eat, but they don't know the process of it, right? And so, you know, if I'm cutting the onion, I'll make a big deal about it. You know what I'm saying? Like, how fast can I cut this thing without crying? You know what I mean? Like, no, that hurry. You know, I mean, like stuff like that, getting them to be involved and stuff like that. You know, we're really into videography and stuff like that. So my oldest kid, who once told me, Hey, I don't want to be on camera anymore. Now, you know, runs the camera, knows how to shoot, knows how to use the FX three and starting editing, you know what I mean. And so like seeing them progress, and like being into, you know, the stuff I'm into was really cool. But then it gets dark, you know what I mean? Like, we were driving to Uzis hockey game on Friday, and my middle son, well, yeah, my middle son goes, Hey, dad, who's gonna take over your business when you die? And they all started talking about my death, and I'm just driving to me a bit, and my wife is, like, rubbing my shoulder, and I'm like, Oh my gosh, this is ridiculous, but that that is definitely like another hack is like, try to do things that they want to do, and then I would say, give yourself two nos to one Yes, right? So like, every third time they request, just say yes. You know what I mean, like, Hey, Dad, can I do this? I don't really feel like it. Hey, Dad, can we do this? Can you wait for a little bit that I really want to do this? Can you help me? Yes, right? So it'll teach you to just set the first invitation, because sometimes the third one is just something like, You know what I mean? Like, they want to buy a Lego set off amazon for $109 and you're like, Yo, you I gotta do this with you. You know what I

Joshua Johnson: 30:40

mean? You know, I love your phrase, welcome. Black as powerful. It's a reclamation of story and dignity. Can you unpack how fatherhood became form of cultural resistance for you?

Glen Henry: 30:53

Yeah, you know, it's just the the underlying like message that we received from media and growing up, I kind of watched it too, like I was, you know, I was like, watching say by the bell and watching, like, all these shows, and like, all the characters predominantly white, and most of the characters who were black, they were, like, grown, you know what I mean. So, like, I really couldn't identify with that. And. Of the superheroes were black. You know, it's just like, really, like, difficult to see imagery of, like, positive black life. And then, especially when I got older, and our heroes started falling, like, Bill Cosby's l was, like, detrimental to me. Like, I just, I don't know how I recovered from that. And I just was like, you know, I know a bunch of good dads who are killing it, you know what I mean? And I'm killing it as a father as well. I think so. Like, like, let's just remind people that this is a safe place for black life, right? Like, when you watch the content black, it's not a bunch of like, oh my gosh, we're gonna go to the NHL. Oh my gosh, we're doing this. It's like, man, today we're making pancakes, and, you know, seeing who's taste the best, like, it's, it's like, you know, today we're working on school homework. And you know, it's really nothing, it's, it's, some of the content is just so it's nothing happening. And it reminds me of Mr. Rogers, where he would just have moments of silence, or just that reminder that, like it's okay to be normal and and everything doesn't have to be a highlight reel. Well, I was listening to a podcast, and one of the guys on the podcast said, you know, marriages a lot, not, not a lot of marriages make it through the quiet years. Okay? The quiet years are like, there's no weddings, nobody's no babies are being born. It's just like mundane life and traditions, you know, game night, family night, Bible study, church like, you know, sports like, it's get real boring. You know, I'm saying no promotions, like, everyone's just hammering away. And right now we're entering, we're in the quiet years, and that is, like, this part is so worth it. You know, this is the montage where, in a film they just kind of like show like, like music and montage. Like, for years, everything was well, like, this is the best part. And so I like looking at that from the perspective of a black man, because it always had, like, there was always a problem growing up. There was always something, you know, yeah, and I just want to normalize black life. I mean,

Joshua Johnson: 34:25

you mentioned that people have long been told the wrong story about black fatherhood. So how do you hope what you're doing, your book, your videos, help re narrate that story for future generations? Yeah,

Glen Henry: 34:39

I mean, I think that, I hope that it would inspire people to just peer into it. You know, there have been men who see my videos and go like, Man, I never wanted to be a dad until I saw this and canceled abortion meetings, like, you know, like, Hey, I'm gonna actually have this child, because I think I can do this. So I hope that it would inspire people, but also I want people to recognize the gift that fatherhood is right? There's one thing to be like, fatherhood ain't that bad. And I'm kind of like, actually, it's the greatest thing you'll ever do, and it's the most impact parole you'll ever play, right? Like, the greatest thing you'll ever the biggest stage you'll ever stand on is in your living room. You know it is in front of your children. They are the best audience in their eyes or the biggest camera lenses, right? And it tell you the truth. It tell you the truth about yourself. Because you know when you're 60 and they're 30 and they don't want to come home for Christmas, or they don't want to call you, or your presence tenses them up like that means something that's a seed that you planted, right? So we can't withdraw from banks we never made deposits in. And so I hope that people really like step into and encouraged that man, fatherhood is a greatest gift, if you get into the work of it, right? You know, like, some of those dads were kind of like, Yeah, but I don't change no diapers and just don't lead a kid home with me. Like, that's not what we talk about, right? That's not fatherhood, right? I'm talking about I'm looking for the poop and finally, get on my face.

Joshua Johnson: 36:17

One of the quotes that I love hearing your book. You said, If black families were such a threat that slave owners intentionally fragmented them, how much power could a family have in society? Today, there's power in family and there's power in black families in our society in that role. How do we hold that now? How do we start this defragmentation process into a place of wholeness for family and community?

Glen Henry: 36:50

Yeah, I think, I think, like First things first is like choosing, well over and over and over again, you know your spouse who you choose to make a family with. This is the one of the most important decisions you'll ever make in your life, besides choosing to follow Jesus, I think that is like the hardest work, because it's easy to love a baby but a grown person who you know I'm saying, like, Dude, get it together. Like you cover your face. Like, I'll cover my base and we can work together. But so much of you know life is like, Oh, you need me to help you. Like, think you know what I mean. Like, sometimes it's just too much. One of the coolest things I was able to do was be a stay at home father, and then when my wife was a stay at home mother, like, my wife was, like, typical she would be come home and like, what did you do all day? Like the house looks crazy. And I'm like, nobody died. Leave me alone. You know, you don't know what I had to do. And so when, when she when the roles were reversed, and I stood in those shoes first, you know, because I thought I was gonna be bored all day and there's gonna be nothing to do, and I would have the house pick and span and then, you know, the freaking dishes would be all, you know, clean, and every dinner would be ready. And she she'd like, like, she became a stay home mother, and I could just see on the look in her eyes. And I'd be like, oh, you should take the rest of the day off, you know, or just, just go to the spa tomorrow, like I could see. Because what happens is, you I've never been emotionally exhausted, right? I've never had to, like, like, look at myself and, like, remember that I haven't seen myself when someone goes, how are you? I'm like, dang, I haven't even checked I haven't checked in on me in a while. Let me. Let me think about that, and I'll get back to you. That is, like, primary, like, make the decision who you're going to marry and make it right, whatever it costs, because that right there, like black Love is a very interesting connection that, for some reason, I've been a part of this to where, you know, you know, it's just, it's almost kind of defiant, and it feels like Not everyone can be included, but really it's just a celebration of togetherness. So it's super interesting. You know what happens when you start to think about things like, just as a black family? It's just so weird. But I would say that then to have two people on mission to like, like, learn, love and lead their children into eternity. After all the complex, systematic things that are happening, it's like, Oh, y'all really locked in. You know what I'm saying? Because we don't even see good representation anywhere, like I don't, I don't see a lot of good representation of black life anywhere, and maybe I'm just losing my my mind. Like, even right right now. Like, you know, the highest grossing stories about black people are Tyler Perry films. Like, that's, that's the stories that do really well. And no disrespect to Mr. Perry, he doesn't make content for me, right? He doesn't make content for me to consume, but most of it starts with problematic relationship and sometimes flirting with infidelity. And so all our stories are like that. So it's like we have to do extra work to stay together, but then also be the story for other people. You know what I mean. So it's just a lot of work, you know, it's a lot of work. And also, you know, there's a level of, like, teaching our kids about, like being black in America, and the the hardship when you watch their innocence kind of leave when they're confronted with the the reality of their blackness, but knowing you have to tell them, because unfortunately, they're going to find out whether they want to or not. And we made that decision. And, like, six months after that, we told our kids, like, right after George Floyd passed away, who was murdered, we told our child about, you know, everybody who you know, maybe a police officer may not be nice, you know what I'm saying. So just can't assume people are good. And then, like, they had their first racial experience experiment at a park where this little kid was like, the black people are coming near the bad guys. They're the bad guys. And then our nanny walked over to her, who's white, and was like, Hey, what is this about? She was like, Well, I was like, Well, I was teaching our kids about, you know, Martin Luther King, and my five year old heard that the black people were, you know, bad. And she was like, what? So then, like, turns out this lady was in our community. Was like, my wife was like, you know, what was this, you know, I'm saying. And then she's like, Well, I'm not racist. And she's like, Yeah, we know that our kids are like, they had this they're traumatized. Like, what are you teaching your child? And she's like, he's not racist. And then she like, and, you know, I made a video about it, because I'm like, yo, this happens. But I wasn't saying this woman was bad. I was just like, hey, you have to talk to your kids about race, you know, before someone else does. And the lady was like, I'm gonna sue you guys when you put it out. And I'm kind of like, she doesn't even get it, you know what I'm saying, like, and so, you know, I wish I didn't have to communicate so much about race, and I can just, but it's part of, it's an honor. You. You know? Because I honestly feel like, if they gonna hate on somebody, they might as well hate on me, you know, I do feel blessed to be able to speak in the way I'm speaking and for the people I'm speaking for. And usually, like, when I think about, like, oh, you know, we're representing black people, like, I hate that, you know, I'm saying, but it's also kind of like, Yeah, and so what? Yeah, that's what we're on. You know, we are light. You know, I'm saying you're gonna shine anyway. And most people want to hide their light. You know, they never want to start the podcast, they never want to start the videos, they never want to go for the thing, because they want to hide their light. But I'm like, light is going to shine through the cracks. You can see it through blinds. You can shut the blinds. You still see a little bit of light. But what I'm gonna do, I'm just turn them on at full blast.

Joshua Johnson: 42:59

It's good. It's very helpful, I think, especially in this, this crazy water that we swim in in America, yeah, we just Yeah. We need to break cycles of racism and violence and pain drama here in America, like we just have to break these cycles. And you're doing wonderful work to be able to help break some of these cycles and lead us into a better path and a new way. And I really hope and pray that this world, you know, continues to get better, and that you know, we're not going to have the mistakes of the past continue. One of the things that you you said here in your book, we're talking about faith. It says you might not have had the father you needed as a child, but you have the father you need right now. And you're talking about the Father God as he can father you, I think for a lot of people, when they've come through some dysfunction in life and haven't seen earthly fathers in the good they have a distorted view of God, the Father of God. How has your view of God, the Father shifted and changed? And have you found who he is?

Glen Henry: 44:13

Yeah, and this is like a daily thing, you know, because, you know, we didn't hug a lot as a family, as a kid like my mom and even my dad, we just didn't hug a lot. But I'm a hugger, like, big time, like, super big hugger. And you know, I find that because my relationship was so distant with my father, I really have a hard time connecting with God. I don't want to bug him. You know what I'm saying, and I feel like me really having to pursue my relationship with God as I like, recognize how my children pursue me. When I noticed that when I would come back from tour, I was an emcee, ramen, going around the country, doing music, and I would come home from, like, a long tour, and I'd open the door, and the kids will run to my feet. Every time I open the door, they run to my feet. I'm like man. The father makes himself present, and we chase after him. We run toward him. So I've been particularly challenged to chase after the feet of the Father, right, like running toward him, and because my disposition as a child was to be seen when I heard and, you know, not being a burden or being bothered, that is just so difficult for me. But what I know is that whenever I do pursue that invitation, accept that invitation, I'm always given what I need when I need it. And a lot of times, as a kid who grew up like, you know, my dad lived in California, I'm in Baltimore, and I traveled during the summers to see him. Some summers as a kid like, I feel like I need to be held. And I'll have to tell my wife, like, Yo, my job is to make you feel secure, and the kids feel secure, but I don't have no security. Like no one holds me, like, even when I give you a hug, I'm hugging you like I'm not getting squeezed. And so we started doing these group hugs, these family group hugs, and God is really he doesn't. I don't only speak. Heard him speak to me audibly twice, but there are whispers in the Holy Spirit that I get. And I'm just kind of like, you know, he tells me, through the Holy Spirit, is what I'm getting, is that I can get what I need if I communicate what I want. And so it's so interesting, like my my sister passed away in 2021 and when I really need a hug, I'll get a hug in my dreams from her, Oh, the greatest gift, because she had really good hugs. And that was one of the things that I was so irritated by. I was like, now I'm never gonna get that hug again. That pisses me off, you know what I mean? But in my dreams, she'll hug me, and it'll last long enough and I wake up, like, breathing slower, like I have a little oral ring, and I can, like, after I wake up and she's visited me, it's only happened a few times. I'd say, like, five times. Like, my breathing, like my BPM goes down, you know, I'm saying, like, it's so it's so beautiful. And so the fact that I can make that request, and. Let God know I need to be hugged, held and and I'll just say, hey, I need that. And some somebody will do it. I recognize, too, that as fathers, we don't talk about what we need, enough. We often take requests. We are an expert, not an import. And, you know, the invitation to be a part of it's really difficult. I do believe it's true, that's why I said it in the book, but it's super difficult to apply with my personal relationship with the Lord, You know what I mean, and my relationship with my father, and even now, I'm spending a significant time, amount of time for my father, with my father, and I'm realizing he still don't know what he doing. You know what I'm saying, and so I have to often make my request known to him, still, hey, I need you to I need you to do this. I need to knock that off. I had to tell him, like, hey, like, you know you're missing out on some great opportunities with these kids. These kids are very special and amazing. You don't spend no time with them. You know what I mean. My kids deserve better than that. You know, and you know he now he's accepted the invitation.

Joshua Johnson: 48:23

That's great. Well, Glenn, this has been a fantastic conversation. I have a couple quick questions at the end. One, if you if you could go back to your 21 year old self, what advice would you

Glen Henry: 48:32

give invest in Bitcoin? No, seriously, I would. I would, man, if I go back to my 21 so what would serve me now, you know, I think just spending, you know, setting up routine, like, like healthy routine for myself, and not letting relationships dictate what I did, like a commitment to myself. That's one of the ways now I have to tell myself what to do all the time, health wise, eating wise, all that stuff. Like, it's harder to do that now. So I would set up a routine like that.

Joshua Johnson: 49:01

Anything you've been reading or watching or listening to, you could recommend. I

Glen Henry: 49:05

just got my friend Kevin on stage book, and I've been reading that. It's called successful successful failure. He's somebody I talk about in the book, men who catch you, hold you and uplift you, like juggling. He's one of those dudes that can do all three super, super, amazing individual. And I think that his stories in the book give you permission just to just go do the thing and let it, let it be silly and funny, you know what I'm saying, and let your failure Shine. Yeah, I really love that guy.

Joshua Johnson: 49:40

Father yourself, first is available. Will be available November 4, anywhere books are sold. It's fantastic book. Really recommend this one. It's really good. So how can people connect with you, what you're doing, YouTube your book. Where can get people get the book? How can people connect with

Glen Henry: 49:57

you? Everywhere. So we have Barnes and Noble is a partner. Amazon is a partner. Christian bookstore is a partner. Everywhere. Books are sold. But if you really want to connect with me for real, B, E, L, E, A, F, M, E, L, on Instagram, belief Mel on Instagram will get you directly to me, but you can follow me on tick tock. I'm there. I'm on Instagram, YouTube, Facebook, all the things. But if you do need to get in contact with me, it's contact at belief in fatherhood.com, that'll put you in touch with my assistant. And I really want to get out there and speak. I feel like I have a message for fathers and men in general. I do feel like that in parenting conferences. And also, if you know anybody who needs this message as well? People I need to be in contact with. Specifically, I will meet with them, and we can talk through some coaching stuff if they're missing the mark in any way, or they feel like they can just use a little pick me up. So yeah. Well,

Joshua Johnson: 50:50

Glenn, thank you for this conversation. Thank you for diving deep into fatherhood, fathering ourselves, figuring out who God the Father is, and then just, just diving deep. What does it look like in a daily life to be a good father and to have some kids that will hopefully not take all of your baggage with them on their journey, but we get to unpack some of the stuff that we've been given, and we could hopefully, we'll pray that we could give some empty suitcases away to our kids as they go on their journey and put in what they need. So thank you, Glenn, it was fantastic. Thank you, brother. You