Ep. 17 Exploring Parental Feeding Styles and Their Impact on Children's Eating Habits

A child’s eating habits are developed early in childhood and as parents, how we approach feeding our vegan kids directly impacts their eating habits. 

In today’s episode, I am sharing my own eating and meal challenges I experienced with my oldest daughter during her time at a new pre-school. I share how her anxiety around food stemmed from the feeding environment she experienced at school and how that impacted her overall eating. 

You’ll walk away with knowing what to do at home to foster healthy eating habits long-term and continue supporting your child’s growth. 

Here’s what we cover: 

>> A look into the four common parental feeding styles and how that impacts a child’s eating
>> How my oldest daughter’s picky eating significantly changed with a certain feeding style and environment at school
>> My top 4 recommendations to do at home to foster healthy eating habits long-term
>> How a child can regulate their own intake with more autonomy 
>> What I did to transform meal time battles into more food acceptance 
>> The power of food play to help your vegan child try and accept plant-based foods

Links mentioned in the episode

>> Episode 12 - How I do it: Boost vegetable intake with these 5 strategies
>> Vegan Kids Nutrition Blueprint course

___________________________________________

Want to learn what supplements your vegan kids need at each stage of their growth? Grab the FREE Supplement Checklist so you can feel confident you're providing everything they need to support their growth and development.

Click here to grab the FREE Supplement Checklist

Connect with me:

Website: www.vegankidsnutrition.com

Instagram: @vegan.kids.nutrition

Transcript

Karla Moreno-Bryce: 0:00

Children can sense our own agenda about their own eating and when they do, they begin to avoid more and more foods, simply because they want to be in control of their own bodies, of their own feeding, and the more authoritarian feeding is experienced, the more nutritional and health impacts a child can have. I'm Karla Monin-Obris, a vegan mom and registered dietitian, and your host of the Vegan Kids Nutrition Podcast. All information provided in this podcast is intended to be used for nutritional educational purposes only. Please consult with a licensed professional prior to beginning or modifying your diet or making changes to the diet of a child in your care. Alright, let's get started. Hey there, I'm so glad you've come to join me on this episode.

Karla Moreno-Bryce: 0:57

I know it's been a while since my last episode, and for good reason. Over the summer, camila, my oldest daughter, was off from school for three whole months, and if you're a parent to multiple kids where they don't go to school or camps or daycare during these months, your day-to-day is spent primarily being with and caring for your kids. Now I'm not complaining in any way. I'm glad we've had this time with Camila, and having that time with her relates to today's episode. But as an ambitious business owner myself, I generally like to work. I enjoy working on creating content like podcast episodes for you, or testing out new recipes so that I can share them with you on the blog, or just reading new and emerging research about vegan kids. But having Camila and my one-year-old daughter at home, plus traveling to see family, I needed to pass work so that I could focus on my family, and I thank you for your patience with that, which now brings me to today's topic, and what I like to share with you is a personal story about Camila's overall eating habits over the past year while she was in preschool, and how different feeding practices can impact a child's eating and food acceptance. So in today's episode, you'll not only hear about the challenges I experienced with Camila at meal times, but also share with you how you can foster helpful eating habits for your vegan child without the need to pressure them to eat any food, and as well as the outcomes of your child's eating behaviors based on these certain feeding practices. My goal with sharing with you my personal experiences with Camila's eating habits and the challenges she herself faced, in addition to what you can do at home, is to ensure that how you approach meal times with your vegan kids at home supports their growth through helpful eating habits, not just during childhood, but throughout adulthood as well.

Karla Moreno-Bryce: 3:01

A part of me feels very vulnerable exposing such a personal story with you, but at the same time, I want to bring awareness of how authoritarian feeding or parenting for that matter really impacts a child's nutritional intake and quality of life. This is the topic that is so dear to my heart as a vegan, pediatric, registered dietitian, because the core of what I believe in is having more compassion for children and truly seeing them for the human they are, whether they are two days old or 16 years old. They deserve respect, they deserve to be understood, they deserve to be acknowledged, and we can demonstrate this through our way of feeding, not just through words or our own behavior. So now that I got this out of the way, I'd like to start off by sharing a bit of my feeding approach at home and how, when Camila started a new school, her behavior around food changed significantly.

Karla Moreno-Bryce: 4:00

Let's start by first looking at the different parenting feeding styles. There are generally four parental feeding styles, and these are authoritarian, authoritative, indulgent and neglectful. Authoritarian, which is more commonly known as a controlling feeding style this is where parents really lead a child's food intake, like saying no dessert until you finish your food or take one more bite the parent is the one that controls much of what the child eats. The second style is authoritative. This is where you, as a parent, allow your child to take the lead in their own eating, but still have boundaries where applicable. It's really about allowing and showing trust that your child can regulate their own intake. It's also recognized as a division of responsibility, which is the feeding practice I share more about inside the Vegan Kids Nutrition Blueprint course. The third feeding style is indulgent, where as a parent, you're more loose around rules and practices that involve food or meals. For example, if your child wants a cookie and you keep saying no to them. But the more and more you say no, the more vocal they are and begin to throw, possibly a tantrum. So you give up and finally you say yes to them. Fine, have a cookie.

Karla Moreno-Bryce: 5:24

Children who grow up under an indulgent feeding style throughout their childhood have more difficult time regulating their food intake later on in life. And the last feeding style is neglectful. This one is not commonly seen, but it is out there. It's when a child grows up in a home where there's hardly any plants around meals or where food is very limited in the home. More often than not, a child grows up feeling preoccupied around food or feeling anxious about whether the food they'll have will be enough when they do end up having a meal. Your feeding style is determined by your attitudes around food, your perceived notion of what meal time should be and your overall philosophy when it comes to feeding your vegan family. Sometimes we may fall into the same feeding style we grow up in simply because that's all we know or that's what we believe is the right way. Other times we change the course for our children because we know more about how feeding our children can impact their eating habits and overall growth. And no matter which feeding style you fall into, please know that there's no judgment here. We are all learning together and can support one another to help our kids thrive. I wanted to briefly share the different types of parental feeding style because they will be important in knowing when I share my experience with Gamila At home.

Karla Moreno-Bryce: 6:53

Ever since Gamila began solid foods at six months of age, I followed an authoritative feeding style, meaning I allow and give autonomy to Gamila at both meal times and snacks as to how much she wants to eat and what foods she'd like to eat. From what I chose to serve, there are always boundaries to some extent. For example, as she got older and was able to communicate more, she would request for something else other than what was on the menu for that particular meal or snack. And for the most part, this is normal for kids to request during their development. They're always trying to test boundaries to see what's acceptable and what's not. But rarely did she throw any tantrums or express really strong feelings when it set a boundary. The majority of the time I would tell her I know how much you enjoy cookies, but it's not on the menu today. Would you like to have it tomorrow at lunch or afternoon snack? And this is sort of my template for setting my boundary, but still giving her some autonomy by choosing when she'd like to have that particular food. Again, she's been okay with this response until she began her preschool year at a new school. Her food choices just became more challenging to handle.

Karla Moreno-Bryce: 8:18

Camila began her preschool year at a new school summer of 2022. Luke and I thought it would be best to move her to a smaller school for various reasons when we toured that particular school and asked way too many questions prior to making our decision. We came to the conclusion that this would be a good environment for Camila and just to clarify, this was not a public school but rather a private Montessori school. However, after just a few weeks of her being in that school, we realized that perhaps we may have made a mistake in choosing that school. And we first noticed this when I picked up Camila from school and her wonderful teacher told me they were entering the lesson of what she should eat at mealtimes.

Karla Moreno-Bryce: 9:11

And just to give you some context here, the small group of students all sat in one table along with the teacher to have their lunch and they were instructed to eat quote unquote healthy food first, and most of the time this was the vegetable. Then they were instructed to eat the protein and last was a fruit or treat, if that was given. I spoke with her teacher about how this was a very different approach than what we follow at home and perhaps it may have confused Camila. I shared that we allow her to eat however much she'd like and choose what she wants to eat, in no particular order, where there's also no expectation of her to eat anyone food or all of her food. Her teacher seemed very collaborative and expressed how our relationship should be mutual, which I very much appreciated, and I have to say I always liked that characteristic from her teacher she was willing to work with us to find what was in the best interest of Gamila.

Karla Moreno-Bryce: 10:24

So I thought things were going well at school after speaking with her teacher, until one day Gamila came home and shared that her teacher said she'd have to eat her quote unquote healthy food. First I felt a bit discouraged, to be honest, but I also never knew if it was directed to her or if it was just something that Gamila kept hearing after her teacher told her other peers To this day I still don't know but I began to notice that these comments were affecting Gamila more and more. It started at home, with her feeling very strongly about certain foods. For example, every time I would have any sort of legging like lentils or beans on the menu, she would practically beg to have something else and she would be crying out loud saying she wanted something else to eat, by either opening the fridge or the pantry. I had so much compassion for her during these moments because I could tell something much deeper than what was on the dining table was bothering her. I just didn't know what that was. And handling these moments right before we were about to sit down for a meal wasn't a very pleasant experience. It was very hard.

Karla Moreno-Bryce: 11:43

Her acceptance of food began to also decline as the year went on. There were meals where it was frustrating. She wasn't accepting foods she normally would like, such as oranges. This was the fruit she gladly accepted any time of the day, but throughout her time at preschool she didn't want anything to do with them and she refused to have them in her lunchbox. Sometimes I would send them and she would reply but I'm not going to eat them. And there went my frustration. But I had to try so hard to keep my thoughts to myself because I knew that if I were to say anything that demonstrated any sort of pressure for her to try and eat the oranges, it would only make her eating behavior worse. So my response was always something along the lines of that's okay, it's your choice. And then her feeding challenges moved to her only accepting five things to take for lunch. I would literally pack the same five things every single week because that's all she would accept.

Karla Moreno-Bryce: 12:56

I began to notice she had anxiety around food and I'm getting a little choked up just thinking about it. But I began to notice she had anxiety around food and it was escalating. And the reason why was because she was so preoccupied with what her teacher might say or a comment about a particular food or about her own way of eating. And I could understand why. Camila just didn't want to bring attention to herself. She didn't want to be told how to eat or what to eat. I'm sure being in that environment for any one of us would not be a pleasant experience, and the last thing we would actually want to do is eat to avoid being told anything at all costs.

Karla Moreno-Bryce: 13:50

I mean, imagine you go to a restaurant and they serve you a meal One you did in order, but that's what was on the menu and they tell you to eat the side of steamed eggplant because it's the healthiest item. Then once you finish the eggplant, they'll bring you the curried lentils, and once you finish that, they can bring you some baked apples. Well, I don't want to eat that way and I imagine you wouldn't want that either. No one really wants to be told how to eat or in what order to eat their food. I want my food mixed together because that's what sounds more appealing to me, and maybe I don't want to finish the meal, or I don't want to finish the eggplant, for whatever reason. I would want to take home any leftovers I didn't eat and I don't want a lecture about how certain foods are healthier for me. How would that whole experience feel to you? I'm sure neither you or I would ever desire that. This is a similar feeling a child experiences when we tell them to take a bite of their carrots before they're allowed to come down from their chair, or to try their vegetables first before eating anything else on their plate, or to finish their food before coming down from their seat. These are all normal practices. I even see around my own friends.

Karla Moreno-Bryce: 15:19

This is part of how authoritarian feeding can play, where a child isn't allowed to eat in the way they choose to eat, in a way that sounds and feels good to them. Children can sense our own agenda about their own eating and when they do, they begin to avoid more and more foods, simply because they want to be in control of their own bodies, of their own feeding. And the more authoritarian feeding is experienced, the more nutritional and health impacts a child can have. This message is really not helpful for kids. It's what leads them to want more control of their food and become extremely picky eaters. It's what leads to mealtime battles. It's what may cause stress for everyone in the family. It's what leads them to have a poor relationship with food.

Karla Moreno-Bryce: 16:15

If this approach to feeding is followed, the long term and I'm not just saying that because of my own experience with my daughter it's really impacted how she eats at home in her overall nutrition and while things have gotten a lot better now, which I'll share a bit about how we changed that there is data that practicing an authoritarian feeding style may lead to child's eating habits to worsen, have lower nutritional quality and poor weight status and, in the long term, having more difficulty learning how to regulate their own intake. In fact, research shows that the preschool years, which in many studies it's defined between the ages of three to six years of age, is a critical period, not just for growth and development, but also a time where preschoolers form their eating behaviors. Research shows that preschool age is a time where kids have the opportunity to adopt healthy eating behaviors and preferences that are likely to continue through both a childhood and adulthood, so it's a critical time for their development when it comes to making sure they're getting proper nutrition, yes, but it's also a critical developmental period to help foster helpful eating behaviors, so they can have a healthy relationship with food. So what are some things that you can do at home to help your child form healthy eating habits? Number one is that I encourage you to take a more democratic feeding style, also known as authoritative, as this helps foster a more positive eating behavior in kids, since they're given more autonomy of their eating. Taking on this type of parental feeding style has been associated with higher dietary quality when it comes to a child's food choices and intake.

Karla Moreno-Bryce: 18:14

Number two is to practice being responsive to your child at meal times, and what this looks like is recognizing when they're hungry or when they're ready to come down from their high chair or seat, especially before your vegan child can communicate this with you. Knowing when they've had enough or have felt satisfied with the amount of food they've chosen to eat allows you to be aware of what their usual intake looks like, which then helps you feel more confident they're getting the nutrition they need to grow. Number three is to trust your child at meal times. This is done by allowing your child to take the lead of their own appetite, with the amount they choose to eat and with the actual food they choose to want to eat. There's evidence that when a child is trusted with their own eating, they're more likely to learn how to self-regulate their intake.

Karla Moreno-Bryce: 19:10

Number four have and be confident with your boundaries around food and meal times. Now, I'm not perfect in this area by any means, and it's something I know. I can always do better. But when you are confident in the boundaries you set around eating or meals in general, your child will test those boundaries. But they seek that leadership from you, and having these boundaries allows your child to not only know what's acceptable and what's not, but also develop healthier eating habits that they can carry with them through adulthood. These are a few of the characteristics of a parent practicing authoritative feeding style.

Karla Moreno-Bryce: 19:53

It's the type of style that I've been following with both of my girls since they started solids, and it's the type of style I continue to use at home, even with Gamila experiencing some eating challenges while at her formal school, because I know the positive impact it has on their eating habits, nutritional intake and ultimately supporting their growth. Now, at this point, you may be wondering why we didn't remove her from that school and it was something we thought about, but for various reasons, we chose to not move her because this would cause a lot more stress and dysregulation, not just for Gamila herself, but for our family as well, and it just didn't make sense to move her midway, knowing she would be starting a new school, her kindergarten year, in a new environment with new peers. Now, even though she avoided certain foods or rejected many of them or simply refused to try anything, I kept my course on this feeding style because I know the impact I could have on her eating behaviors long-term and just saying that sentence makes me feel emotional again. It's probably because I really care about this topic and what we did was sort of take a quote-unquote reset during the summer of 2023.

Karla Moreno-Bryce: 21:34

For the three months that she didn't have school, I did the same thing. I always did Serve the meal, let her choose what she wanted to eat and how much. It allowed her to eat at her own pace. If she didn't want the meal, then that was okay. She didn't have to eat it. I always tell my girls when you're ready or I trust you'll try it when you're ready. I also tried to invite Camila to the kitchen to help me prep so that she was exposed to a variety of foods and for the most part she really wasn't interested in helping in the kitchen. And that's okay. It was an invitation and if a child isn't really interested in something then we don't have to keep pushing it. But I continued to serve a variety of foods even if I knew she wasn't going to eat it, and I never pressured her to eat anything. I didn't even bring attention to how she was eating or even asked her just to try food. And I share more similar strategies in more detail in episode 12 of the Vegan Kids Nutrition Podcast. If you want to hear more about what this looks like, I'll leave the link to episode 12 in the show notes.

Karla Moreno-Bryce: 22:56

A big part of what we did was to try and make mealtimes less about the food and more about just having a meal together. So this meant not bringing attention to a food or even telling her what was on her plate, just sort of took a neutral approach to our meals. Sometimes I would incorporate food play, which is something new that I've done. So an example was if I served broccoli, then I would ask her which piece of broccoli is taller, your piece or mine, and she would always try to make hers taller by standing on her chair and extending her arm to the ceiling, and sometimes she would take a bite. Food play always takes the pressure off a child from having to eat that particular food. The more relaxed you make meals for your child and the less pressure they sense around them having to eat or try a food, you'll see that they will try it when they're ready and in doing so you'll be helping them create healthy eating habits that they'll carry for life. It's a wonderful thing, even though I know the day to day meal times can sometimes be a challenge.

Karla Moreno-Bryce: 24:19

So Camila is eating a whole lot better now that she's no longer in that feeding environment. She's a lot more adventurous with her food. For what seemed like forever she always refused beans and just recently, since about a month or so, she accepts them. The other day I made bean burritos and I told her what I was going to put in her burrito with having beans, and she was okay with that and she ate it. Surprised, but really proud of Camila for coming around. She's more accepting of mixed foods and very rarely says she doesn't want to eat what I've made. Occasionally she'll say she wants something else, but it's very rare. Now I don't see extreme behaviors or even anxiety around food anymore, which makes me really happy, and I think it really stems from me not pressuring her or bringing attention to what she didn't eat or even making any sort of comments. I really allowed her to take the lead in her own eating, and things have been a lot better now.

Karla Moreno-Bryce: 25:36

As I mentioned at the beginning of the episode, this approach to feeding is something I'm really passionate about and care about, because it brings more benefits to the child and to you as well, and it's why I've chosen to include it inside the Bean Kids Nutrition Blueprint course to really give you a more complete teaching of feeding your Bean Kids beyond nutrients and supplements. Now, I realize that this is only my own personal story and this approach may not be applicable for all children with eating challenges or other food aversions, but there's evidence showing that a child's eating habits is formed early in their childhood, between the ages of three and six years old, and we as vegan parents play a pivotal role in helping them foster healthful eating habits, as they spend the majority of their eating environment with us. Alright, so just to recap our time here, there are four feeding practices that are recognized and these are the three practices that are on our micro Laura tree training program that is going to authoritarian, which is being more in control of a child's eating. Authoritative, which is allowing the child to have more autonomy of their eating within selected boundaries. Indulgent, which is the parent having very loose rules around eating or structure in the home. And neglectful, which there's no plans around meals and the child learns to become preoccupied about when they'll have food.

Karla Moreno-Bryce: 27:10

You can raise your van child with helpful eating habits by taking a more democratic feeding style where you give your child more autonomy in their eating. You can practice being more responsive at mealtimes, trusting your child of their own appetite and staying true to your boundaries around food and mealtimes. Following through with these four characteristics will help support helpful eating habits for your child and really just have a more pleasant experience eating. I believe in you and if you'd like more support, I welcome you to join me inside the Vegan Kids Nutrition Blueprint course, where you'll learn how to create a positive eating environment for your vegan child. You'll have prompts on what to say when they don't want to eat something and have clarity on what to do if they avoid or reject a food.

Karla Moreno-Bryce: 28:03

There is also a member's only private community, so you can ask questions if you get stuck along your journey or simply need support from other vegan parents who have gone through similar experiences. If you're ready, grab the link in the show notes and I'll see you there. I hope that this episode helps you better understand how your parental feeding style can truly make a difference in your child's eating habits. It's not so much about how to quote-unquote get your child to eat a food just to meet certain nutritional needs. It's about fostering positive eating habits that they will get to carry throughout their life. I'll talk to you in the next episode. Bye for now.