You Already Know Who Keeps Breaking Your Wings

 You already know who keeps breaking your wings.

You've known for a while. So why are you still there?

This episode tells the story of a scorpion and a butterfly, two beings who cannot coexist, even when they want to. It's not about good or bad. It's about incompatibility. And sometimes, love cannot grow where someone's patterns keep causing harm.

We explore why you stay when you know better: the savior complex, the belief that your love can change someone, the fear that leaving means admitting you failed. We look at nervous system reflexes, trauma responses, and the gap between intention and safety.

If you're the butterfly, you'll hear why choosing yourself isn't selfish, it's survival.

If you're the scorpion, you'll hear why wanting to be good isn't the same as doing the work to become safe.

Context isn't an excuse. It's a map.

You don't owe anyone your wings.

Chapters

• 0:00 The Uncomfortable Question
• 0:21 Scorpion And Butterfly Story
• 2:33 Intentions Versus Impact
• 3:36 Trauma, Patterns, And Responsibility
• 5:15 Owning The Work To Change
• 6:57 Mindful Reflection Practice
• 10:56 Closing Truths And Resources

Transcript

NATNAT BE : 0:00

You already know who's breaking your wings. You've known for a while now and you're still there. Why? Why are you still staying somewhere when you know better? Why can you not do better by walking away? I'm Nat Nat, and this is the Lift One Self Podcast. Today I'm going to tell you a story that's going to make you uncomfortable. And if you're already feeling defensive, that's exactly why you need to hear it. It's about a scorpion and a butterfly. And before we're done, I'm going to ask you to answer a question you've been avoiding. Which one are you? Or maybe you've been both. So this is how the story goes. A butterfly lands beside a scorpion. He freezes. He's never seen something so fragile, so soft, so playful, so fearless. For one rare moment, he wants to protect what he would normally destroy. She looks at him and says, You don't scare me. No one has ever said that to him. So he follows her, carefully, slowly, tail tucked behind him, trying to be something he's never been. She shows him sunlight, flowers, softness, things he didn't know could exist inside him. And for just a tiny trembling moment, he believes he can be good. One evening she says, I wish you could fly with me. He looks down at his heavy body, his sharp tail, and he whispers, I wish I could too. That night the butterfly slept beside the scorpion. His tail twitched, a reflex, a habit, a nature he hated, but hadn't yet changed. The butterfly wakes, pain in her wing. She looks at him heartbroken. You said you wouldn't hurt me. He cries, I didn't mean to. She whispers, I know. And with a trembling wing, she flies away, not because she wanted to, but because she had to. Not everyone who hurts you is trying to. Some are fighting battles you cannot see, but love cannot grow where someone's nature keeps breaking your wings. This painful truth teaches us that even when someone's intentions are pure, their ingrained patterns and habits or the fundamental nature that they have can make them incompatible with your well-being. And here's what we need to remember: the scorpion isn't evil, and the butterfly isn't enlightened and pure. They are two entities that just cannot coexist. Doesn't mean one is worse than the other. Yet our mind would like to categorize it like that: good versus bad, right and wrong, victim and villain. That's how the world feels presently, through this polarized lens of seeing everything black and white. But sometimes incompatibility isn't about morality, it's about survival. Who in your life is possibly breaking your wings and you still keep thinking you can fix them or change them? That's an unbearable truth that we have to look within ourselves and see. And sometimes the stigma of culture, of so-called family, of relationships, and what it's supposed to look like, it interferes with our innate well-being. Many of us are staying in connection and environments that are damaging us. Yet we portray it as strength, as being the one who has to save everyone. Yet the question is: who's saving you? Did you answer no one? Well, your answer was supposed to be me. That's your responsibility. And here's the most unbearable truth of all: the reason you stay isn't because they need you. It's because leaving would mean admitting you cannot save them. And that would crush an image you have created for yourself. I know some of you guys are tired of people using the word trauma as an excuse. There is a eye rolling, a tensing. I'm not giving anyone a pass. I'm giving you context. Understanding why someone stings you doesn't mean you have to keep getting stung. It means you stop expecting them to become a butterfly and you choose accordingly. And if you're the scorpion, understanding your trauma gives you responsibility to do the actual work, not permission to keep hurting people while you quote unquote figure it out or stand behind the that's just the way I am. And some of you listening, you just realize you've been the scorpion. You didn't mean to sting, you really didn't. You tried so hard to tuck your tail behind you, to be gentle, to be different. But your unhealed patterns, your nervous system running the show, your reflexes, they hurt people you loved. Maybe you already lost your butterfly. Maybe they flew away and you're still carrying the shame of believing just for a moment that you could be good without doing the work to actually change. Here's what I want to share with you. You're not condemned to be a scorpion forever. Your patterns can change. Your nervous system can regulate, but that work, that's your responsibility. Not while someone else is standing next to you hoping you'll transform, not while you're making promises your body can't keep yet. Alone in your own healing on your own timeline. The scorpion's tragedy wasn't that he had a sting. It was that he tried to be in a relationship before he'd done the work to change his reflexes and let someone get close enough to get hurt while he figured it out. Wanting to be good isn't the same as doing the work to become safe. If you're the scorpion, your responsibility isn't to convince the butterfly to stay while you work on yourself. It's to do the freaking work so your sting isn't running the show anymore. So the next time someone says, you don't scare me, you're not just tucking your tail behind your back and hoping for the best. You're actually safe to be around because you've changed your patterns through commitment, embodiment, nervous system healing work. So maybe it's time to stop asking if the scorpion will change and start asking yourself: Am I the butterfly who keeps landing next to the scorpion? Or am I the scorpion who hasn't done enough work to stop stinging the people I love? Or have I been both? If this hit you somewhere tender, somewhere raw, I see you. I'm not here to shame anyone for staying, because God knows I have stayed in some relationships that I just have to bow my head and shudder in like absolute disbelief that I stayed in those relationships. I'm not here to shame you for the times you were the scorpion, because I know I've been there too. I'm here to remind you that you have the capacity to change, to allow grace and forgiveness to allow that transition. The butterfly can learn to fly towards safety. The scorpion can do the work to heal their sting, but neither happens while you're pretending the problem doesn't exist. And how many of us try to act like the problem doesn't exist? We don't call it out forward so that we can make the invisible visible, so that we can bring and address the problems and we can find the solutions. So let's take a mindful moment right now. Let me bring you into the practice of doing these pauses and being able to self-reflect and see where am I in this? What choices can I make with action to do the change? So wherever you are, get comfortable in your seating, and if it's safe to do so, gently close your eyes. Take a deep breath in and gently release. Another deep breath in and gently release. Another deep breath in and let it go. Now placing your hand on your heart and feeling your hand holding your body, holding your heart. Ask yourself, what am I seeing that I need to take action with now? What do I know that I can no longer leave it in my head, that it needs to drop into my body, and that I can take action with? Another deep breath in. Let it go. Now at your own time and at your own pace, you're gonna gently open your eyes while staying with your breath. Now, I know your body gave you some information that possibly you don't want to hear. Yet, if you take a little bit of action to it, that's when the change starts. Until next time, feel your feelings, yet remember they're not facts, they're simply information. Return to your body by taking those pauses and grounding yourself in your breath. And the next time you ask yourself, why can't I do better? Remember, you already know the answer. Now you just have to choose it by taking action. You don't owe anyone your wings. Thank you for being here. And if you're interested in my one-on-one sessions or the emotional sobriety workshop, you can find them all at my website, liftoneself.com.com. Keep returning to self. Remember to be kind to yourself. You matter.