Lean In & Let Go | Building Trust on the Ride of Life

When you're on a motorcycle, the key to turning isn’t yanking the handlebars—it’s leaning in and trusting the machine beneath you. The same applies to life.

In this episode of The Motovation Podcast, we explore what it means to build trust—with yourself, with others, and with the road ahead. When the ride gets uncertain, many of us grip tighter, try to control the outcome, or overcorrect. But sometimes, the bravest thing we can do is ease off… and lean into what’s unfolding.

We get into:

• The importance of trusting your instincts and pace
• How to loosen your mental grip when fear takes over
• Why leaning in—physically and emotionally—can lead to more alignment and freedom
• Real-life stories of how letting go of control transformed our paths

Whether you’re riding curves or navigating change, this episode is your reminder: you were built for this road—you just have to trust the ride.

This is The Motovation.

Transcript

Unknown: 0:05

Krissy, this is motivation. I'm Lori Joy Kingwell

Krissy Vann: 0:09

and I'm Krissy Vann. We're two dreamers on two wheels, inspired by our community

Unknown: 0:14

and celebrating the voices we're just lucky enough to discover along the ride. So if not already, like, subscribe, follow along. Do what you gotta do to not miss an episode. You're built for the road. Your bike, it's designed for the ride, the handlebars, the frame, every part of it knows what it's doing. Most accidents, well, they don't come from the road itself. They happen when the rider over corrects, gripping too tight, steering too much, trying to force control instead of trusting the bike. The thing is, you barely need to touch the handlebars to turn. You just slightly lean in, but panic or second guessing, clinging for safety, that's when things get shaky. Life works the same way you were designed for your journey. But how often do you find yourself twisting up to fit someone else's expectations, over correcting to avoid discomfort or to please others? You keep listening to everyone else's interpretation of your path instead of trusting yourself? But when you allow, when you lean into that moment, even when the curve feels sharp, you discover you can handle it. You were built for this in today's episode of the motivation podcast, we're talking about self trust, how gripping too tight on the bike of your life can steer you off course, how loosening that grip can help you flow with the twists and the turns, instead of fighting for them, we'll explore ways to tune out the noise, lean into your instincts and ride your own road with more confidence, even when that road gets scary. So are you ready to stop over correcting and just ride this is your motivation.

Krissy Vann: 2:01

One of the things that I appreciated so much when Laurie came to me with the idea of, let's talk about self trust, is the fact that this is something we've actually spoke to on the podcast tremendously in regards to trusting yourself. However, I don't think that we've really taken the opportunity or the space to really explain exactly what that means. And one of the things that has bonded Lori and I together in such a great way, and we were talking about this before we started, is this recognition that we both had built very trusting relationships within ourselves, and you'll notice the language that I use there, we built trust. When you think about the word Trust, even paring it down to that one syllable word out of your mouth. It is something that needs to be built from a foundation to the ground up before it is truly something that you are going to lean on as an anchor in your life. And when I think about self trust, I really think what we're actually talking about is self love in tandem, because I think that trust and love are something that are so intrinsically linked. There's so many decisions when you reflect on your life, if you do an audit and realize that there are moments that you strayed, and more than likely, when you start to examine it is because you didn't trust yourself. It's just like Lori was saying in the intro there. It's those moments where you think you need to hold on, and even though you may know So internally that you should go right, but the world might be telling you go left and so you ignore yourself. And what happens when you don't listen to those nudges? You're actually eroding trust within yourself. So throughout our entire lives, whether you've realized it or not, you are doing a dance, a building trust within you. And what I think has bonded Lori and I so beautifully is that we have spent years cultivating and doing the work in this to the point that when you have that trusting relationship, it makes it so much easier to flow in the life that I think directionally we're meant to go. And I know that we always say, you know, whether it sounds woo or not, depending on what your belief system, but I truly feel there are certain elements in our life based on the qualities and characteristics that we were gifted with and that we hone that we're meant to do. And when we're very quiet, Lori and I often talk about the. Nudges of directions that we're supposed to go, and you're never going to fully recognize or realize, though, unless you do this practice of self trust. So that is why Lori and I were like, Let's pare it down today, because this dance is constant, and I think there's just some really important reminders as to why this is the foundation of all gut intuition, trust, confidence, self, love. These are really all adjacent, or, I guess I should say, like a culmination of what we're looking to kind of re spark or reignite or remind you of because a time of recording, everyone's freaking out. It's going to be March next weekend. Obviously, by the time this airs, we're already into the thick of the year, and it's spring, and I know that this can be a time where we look and think, Holy fuck, another year is going so fast. Am I trusting myself to get to where I'm trying to go? Well, after this conversation, I think you're going to be able to lean in a little bit more eloquently into that space and carve it out for yourself if you happen to have broken or lost that relationship a little bit.

Unknown: 6:14

And I think it's important too that we first start with it's not your fault. It's not your fault that you feel really disconnected from yourself. It's not, you're not there's not something wrong with you. I think that's what I often hear and kind of observe, is there's so much guilt around the lack of trust of self or not being more attuned and not having more of that awareness or even skill, because there's a certain level of it is a skill in tapping in, because I want to really acknowledge that we're taught at such a young age to disconnect from that knowing or from that listening or from that trust, when you even think about your feelings as a kid, you know, if you were upset oftentimes, or any, any emotion that adults were uncomfortable with, which was most outside of happiness and joy and compliance, you know, or act of that, I guess that's more behavior than compliance. But it was like, You're fine, you're fine. Or enough of that, enough you're good. And so a very young also, we were told to, kind of like, disconnect from how we were feeling in that moment. Or you have things where you were taught to prioritize somebody else's comfort level over your own. Go give them a hug. You know, to new people, adults, strangers or not strangers, but strangers to you as a child, you know, but even like family members, it was always like, go give them a hug, and if you didn't feel comfortable, we prioritized that adult need and want to hug us over the child's need to, you know, feel safe or feel comfortable. And so that in itself, we were taught to abandon our own comfort level for another's. If you even had like parents that, you know, it was always like, I know better, right? You wear this dress in these clothes as kids, right? There was little opportunity to kind of put on something that reflected how you felt that day. You know, you couldn't wear your costume to school, because it's school, you wear your regular clothes, but like, why couldn't you wear that costume that day? If that's what you felt like expressing sort of thing, and or some other examples would be even like, oh, like, the sharing thing, you know? Like, yes, it's a beautiful thing to share. But oftentimes they're like, share, and you're not done with it. You're still playing with it. I'm still in a state of creativity and curiosity around it, but like, I have two minutes to do what I need to do with this so that you know, a little Sally doesn't have to feel impatient or have uncomfortable feelings versus sharing where you're like, Well, if you have something in abundance, or you have a little bit of extra, or when you're done, are you considerate that you're not just holding it for yourself, then you take it and then you share it from a place of consideration, rather than expectation. It's we're just from the very get go. You know, we're taught to sit in a desk when our body needs to move. We're constantly in this space and places young people to disconnect and not trust and look outwardly, look externally for cues. And then we get older, and suddenly they're like, go out and trust yourself, you know, or frustrated that you're not trusting yourself, even mistakes, like we're so afraid of failure, well, what happened when you spilled that milk when you were a kid? How often did the parent come over and be like You spilled your milk? Accidents happen. You know, maybe we push the cup a little further up on the thing. They're like, You Okay. How many times do I have to tell you we can't we always had and and again, it's not even our parents fault. It's not their fault either. It's they were. It's all this. Learned behavior of mistakes come with ridicule. Mistakes come with anger. You know your emotions are making people uncomfortable. You need to ignore your comfort level and prioritize other people's comfort levels. Even on physical level, there's so many things that right from the get go as children, we're taught that not to trust self.

Krissy Vann: 10:27

Yeah, that lead in, because I kind of made some notes for myself today when I was really thinking about self trust. And I love these examples, because really what that type of experience erodes within us is our self compassion. Often when we make mistakes as an adult, we're not really that kind to ourselves. And trust really grows when you know you won't berate yourself for slipping up. But if that's all you learned when you're younger, you actually brought me back to a youthful memory of breaking a bowl in my kitchen, and it's so funny. I have such sparse memories of childhood, but I remember getting screamed at for breaking this bowl. I didn't break the bowl on purpose, but that's like, in that moment, you're just like, Oh no, and then you're feeling so guilty, and all the rest of it, instead of it being a learning teaching moment, exactly that I felt shame, and we know shame is just so uncomfortable and hard for us to work through as adults, and you're not really experiencing compassion in that space. And so I think a lot of people struggle with cultivating self compassion within themselves, and you need to have compassion for yourself in order to build trust, another element that I think that is so important for us to think about are because really it's about the relationship with self. And I know so many people's narrators can be so unkind, and again, to your point, so much of that is because of our experiences growing up, and not necessarily creating the space and the distance required between your narrator and your soul and having heart space mixed in there to understand that your thoughts aren't necessarily the reality that are before us, but something that, I think that we kind of learn to do quite young as well, and if we don't catch it, can keep tripping up in a way that is going to break trust within ourselves, or perhaps just add to a shaky foundation. And it's the promises we make, and I don't mean promises to other people, promises to ourselves. You think of goals that you have, or you know, things you want to cultivate within yourself as tools to be a better I don't even want to say like a better way to flow through life, but just even if, let's say you were on a journey of building awareness within yourself. And I hate the example of New Year's resolutions, but when people are like, I'm going to meditate every morning and then I'm going to have a glass of then I'm going to have a glass of cold water and have a cold shower, and the list is always so big, and we know that those resolutions never stick. We're breaking promises with ourselves from the get go. Maybe in this week, you're like, I'm going to go for one walk this week, because seasonal depression has been kicking my ass. I haven't seen the sun, and I know that it's going to be good for me, but you don't do it. And then how do you feel inside? You feel disappointed in yourself. You don't show compassion to yourself. You feel like I failed that little mission. And so keeping promises to yourself, I think, are so important as well, keeping promises to yourself, if it's boundaries that are you are looking to set, and towing the line on those I think it's so often when we think of self trust, we can instantly think of how we're impacting others, whether it's like disappointing others and choices that we make, or not holding up our end of the bargain, or not showing up in a way that it's that's expected. But I really think when we have this conversation, I just want to emphasize that, it all starts with you, like you're looking when you are building a love relationship, you build a love relationship on trust. Are you building a love, loving, trusting relationship within yourself? Like that's kind of where I queued it up from the beginning, because I'm just like that self love and self trust are two things that are, I think, are the two sides of the same coin, like you cannot have one without the other. And I think we're in a society right now that struggles a lot with self love and self trust. And to your point, there's so many outside influences that are telling us how we should be. You shouldn't have acted like that. You should feel shame. I can't believe you failed. I can't believe you did that. And so no wonder we have difficulties cueing out that that noise. But I'm like, we have to start thinking of how we can intentionally build within ourselves so that it can become more of the default setting, versus going the other. Way where we allow the noise to fill in, and you start going down a path that's not intended. And again, what I said in the beginning, there those audits that we have where all of a sudden you realize I was meaning to go in one direction. I ignored myself. I ended up somewhere I completely didn't want to be, and it felt like total fuckery. Oftentimes it is because we abandon ourselves a little bit. It's a learning experience, but it still feels shitty sometimes in the learning experience where you're like, Fuck, I should have just trusted myself,

Unknown: 15:31

yeah, because that's just it, right, like we're taught so young to to trust others over our own selves and to look externally for that validation, to say that we got it right. We moved in the right direction by people, you know, whether that's verbal validation or how they come closer to us and how they connect to us, even though we've abandoned ourselves and disconnected from self. You know, you're in a relationship where on the outside. On paper, it looks well, but you've never felt more lonely inside. And it's the truth of like, rather than at that young age where it would have been so imperative to be teaching and guiding, not even teaching, because it's already there, but helping guide and support that looking inwards and asking of self, and so that you build that trust with self. Because, just like you said, it's a relationship with if you were with, like, think of the amount of things where we show up for other people in a way that builds trust or shows that, like, Hey, you can rely on me. I follow through when I when I say I'm going to do something for you, with you. A good example would be, even as simple as, like you said, the drinking of the water, like I could hydrate more. That's a simple thing. Our body needs it. It makes such a big difference in how often the next day comes, and we don't even uphold that for ourselves, of just drink the water, just take the cup to the faucet and fill it and drink it. You know, that's such a simple ask, and we will, often times, abandon even the most simplest action that allows us to build trust with one another. And we kind of go like, again, why do we do that? And that's the key. Those are the key elements to actually start to do just that of drink the water. But one of the things that we have to is like, where's the resistance coming from? But again, how much of your how much your attention is just at a constant state of looking outwards, versus just slowing down a moment to just recognize it's not Yes, it'll make me feel better. And yes, this is a part of like, treating myself well and investing in self and building but like, really slowing that down and just saying this is where it begins. Is saying, if I'm gonna drink more water I love myself enough to drink the water that I need as a person to hydrate so that my brain and my body function. And just like, as simple as that is, those are those small, micro moments that like, it sounds so simple and so ridiculous, but I'm telling you this, even on that level of like, this is where I really started to tap back into that self trust on a smaller level, to build out to be able to really trust myself, that if I said I was going to treat myself a certain way out of like, care and love, I was going to take the time to do it because I did it for friends. How could I not do it for self? But yeah, so go ahead.

Krissy Vann: 18:42

No, yeah, we do that so much though that was yeah, oh yeah,

Unknown: 18:51

because I was, I was a person that like. So as a kid, I was so stubborn, and thank God, and I also felt like adulting was a trap. I genuinely, as a little kid, was like, this is some bullshit. Like, I feel like you guys are what you're asking me, some bullshit. Like, I there was a knowing that was so loud in me, and I'm so thankful for that. And so I wore what I wanted to wear to sometimes, to the point where, like, an adult would be like, sit in your desk, and I'm like, I'm fine here. And I would miss stand. They were like, No, you need to sit your desk. I was like, No, I'm good. That I would like get in trouble. But I was like, birth it. But it was that, you know, to the I felt so much that feeling of like, this doesn't feel like love and care, this feels like control. I couldn't obviously articulate it that way in all the things, but I spent a lot of time as a kid, rebelling against that and actually honing in a certain level of self trust, even when it came at the cost of being loved, being pulled away from the adults in my life, or not being validated, that sort of thing. Now on the other side, there was also a certain level of like perfection that. Also came out of, like, doing certain things and having validation. So to kind of pull this together is in certain areas in my life, when it came to listening to my gut instinct, I was very attuned, very quite fine attuned because of how I rebelled as a child and did it anyways, and it and I usually had evidence afterwards that even though it was hard and even though there was some repercussions, it absolutely was worth it in the end. So I built up a lot of self trust, which allowed me to take some huge risks later in life. And I still do when my gut speaks to me, and it almost always, if not always, always, always works out, even if there's even if it doesn't look on the surface that, you know, it doesn't look as fun like, or it doesn't look like, let's say, moving from the Caymans to Vancouver. You know, like on paper, it was a gut feeling, but on paper it looked like, Why would you leave there? And why would you, even though Vancouver is beautiful and things like why would you leave? But it was a gut instinct, and even though it wasn't beaches and Sunday boat rides the same way, it was a lot of heartbreak and illness and all those things, it was exactly where it was supposed to be. I learned more about myself than any of the years almost combined. Prior it was I met some of the most, you know, like, it just paid off in dividends. It was where I was supposed to be. But the other component was I had very little self trust when it came to doing really challenging things and being shitty at it, because there was so much criticism growing up that I did take to heart, and there was so much competitiveness and cruelness in the community, even, like, don't get me wrong, amazing people. I love my hometown. I love everything, but it was a tough, tough town, and everyone was tough on each other, and I was really tough on people, and I still really struggle sometimes not to be really judgmental and tough. So it was lot of criticisms. Everybody was watching everybody's move. Everyone had a lot to say about it. And so there was a level of like perfectionism that came and so if I wasn't able to, I had a hard time doing things unless I was felt like I was close to looking like perfection, if nothing else, but inside, I was like really critical and really hard on myself and all those different things, and I looked for a lot of external validation. And it's these small things that I recognized I was I couldn't trust myself on the back end, in many ways, to show up for myself on a daily basis. I could show up for myself in these really big moments of gut intuition and big moves or resistance to people that told me I should be something or I was fuck off. But when it came to where I did want to do things, I had to be perfect at it. I had to be, or else I would almost feel like that paralysis of fear that it's like I can't handle the criticisms that would come if I'm not perfect at this thing. That means something to me. Does that make sense?

Krissy Vann: 23:16

It really does, and I it's just fascinating to me because we started the conversation, saying, the self trust that we built in ourselves is something that you and I recognized in each other, because it shows up in how we live our lives in present day 2025 holy. How'd we get here? Right? But my youthful years were so different in the element. I didn't rebel. I was, yeah, I guess you can say controlled, not even, I guess it just sounds wild to say it was that very controlling. And again, no fault of my parents. It's kind of like through generations, but Ultra Catholic household, like my grandparents were super Catholic, and of course, my parents then want to appease them, so they were super Catholic and endlessly I remember being so prized when I was really young because of just how polite I was. As a child, I was like a little three year old, six year old woman with a Chardonnay. That's best way I can describe it,

Unknown: 24:25

six year old, tequila, yeah,

Krissy Vann: 24:28

like I was, like a buttery as Chardonnay, like every little hair in place, I had to be perfect in school. Honor Roll, goody two shoes, I was prized on that. I was prized on how well I handled deep, fucking wild shit that happened in my youth, navigating my dad's illness, that we were so good because of how well we just read in the waiting rooms and didn't show any semblance of emotion. And all of that behavior was. Supported, and so that means I spent my biggest learning years. I actually hate saying that, because we can learn at any time, but you know what I mean, Lori, when I do our ability to absorb our

Unknown: 25:14

most developmentally critical times of like wiring, how our personalities are, how the world works, our framework. That's where our framework of life begins.

Krissy Vann: 25:25

That's why you're my co host, exactly, perfectly sad. And I would not have been able to say it that way. It's this 100% that. And so I spent those years of my life abandoning myself. And it's interesting because when I was in my early 20s, significant life shakes happen those first few rock your worlds. Didn't expect it to happen on an idle Tuesday type of moments, and very quickly through that, I rebelled like it was, this internal rebellion of I want to live a big life. I want to live an adventurous life. I want to live a life not afraid. I love my mom dearly, but she has had a life that has basically run through the fear filter for all of her years. And as a result, there are many things that she's wanted to do, but it's unfortunately kept her small. And I started to rebel against that, because I could tell if I allowed that perception to be how I saw life, I was going to live a really small life for myself. And I didn't want that. And so I started to make these big, bold leaps, and even small leaps, like I think you spoke to how trust and confidence within ourselves are so linked. And I started to just have the confidence and the audacity to put my I quite literally printed my fucking face on a shopping bag and embroidered my resume on the back of it and sent it to the CEO of Rogers media when I had no business to do. So it was the stupidest position. Like on paper doesn't make sense. Did I get the job? No. Did I get a letter back from that administant? Hell yes. Was I excited about that? Fuck yes. You know, moving across the country to New Zealand, I bawled my fucking eyes out when I got into my dorm. I was terrified the internet was not like how it is now, you couldn't communicate as much as you wanted to. But whether it was a big step or a little step, I started to trust that my inner knowing seemed to know more than I was even consciously aware of. And on top of that, I started to see you couldn't really fuck it up. And when I say that, I'm like, even in those moments where it went awry in my journey, I was kind of like my relationship with self, my self, love with self, my self trust in regards to the fact that I have compassion for myself when it doesn't go right, that I can take accountability for myself and look at myself honestly when it doesn't go right, because that is another part of building a trusting relationship, being fucking honest with yourself, which is sometimes the scariest thing to do, because guess what? We're flawed humans, which means we get it quote, unquote wrong a lot, and that's not easy to look at, but having the compassion for ourselves through those moments. And I really liked that when you teed us up, Lori, you made such a statement to emphasize that we shouldn't feel hard on ourselves if we're not there, because you've joined us on this podcast, presumably for some time. And so, you know, I also had clearly abandoned parts of myself prior to the end of my marriage. I wasn't necessarily honestly looking at situations before me, and there's so many psychological factors that I can dive into why that was, but at the same time, looking at it through the lens that I have now, I think that there was an erosion that happened within myself there. Probably not there. Probably there were things speaking within myself that I think the lens gets so clouded sometimes, and we kind of weave this weird little web with our relationships with ourselves, to convince ourselves that the path that we chose for ourselves is the right path, and no, there couldn't possibly be a roadblock or a deviation, like we've decided it's going to be x or y. And so once again, life was teaching me the lesson that I. I basically broke trust within myself through the decisions that kind of led me to end up in the decision that I did. And I get there were two people in that instance, but to the point of accountability, I've spent, you know, ever since, like, through this year, doing a lot of deep self work and a lot of evaluation, because I think it's important when life, for lack of a better word, delivers some really bitter lemons, it's really easy to look outward at just the other party's involvement, if there is another party or circumstance, or job or what have you, and not look within ourselves. And it's been really fascinating, because what happens again? I'm going to use the example of your relationship with other people. When you have moments that break trust with another human in your life, those are painful moments, and often, if there is a shared goal to mend that broken trust, it takes time to build it once again, but when you do, typically, it's so much richer. It's so much stronger. The foundation that you put back together is so much better than where when you started before. And so at any time in life, you have the same ability to do that within self. And so I kind of loved when Lori presented this to me, because obviously, you know, my birthday coming up is a significant anniversary. It's also the blind side of a 20 year relationship coming to an end, and when I really peel it back, so much of my journey was rebuilding trust within myself. And since that moment, especially stepping into this year, I've been making some bold decisions and what could be looked at as random moves, professionally, romantically, like with friendships, all the rest of it, and it's been so fascinating to navigate through this chapter, because my relationship with myself and My trust within myself is so fucking solid my listening. It's like the volume I don't even know. I went from those shitty ass headphones that you had with your disc man in the 90s to noise canceling, incredible expenses, expensive headphones on my ears kind of thing, like, that's how in tune I become basically what I'm trying to say, and maybe not saying it so eloquently, but you have the ability to make that relationship deeper and richer at any point. But the only path to get there is to get really honest with yourself. And as we take this conversation up, there are so many elements from how you grew up in those developmental years that contribute to this journey, and there's so many moments in life and so many distractions that are tempting because it's easier sometimes to end up on someone else's path or do it their way. But when you really look at it, it's not that easy, because I feel like that's where we actually see so much discontentment in our society today, and it's because people have abandoned themselves and forgotten what it looks like to self trust and subsequently that means they're not in as loving a relationship with themselves as they could be.

Unknown: 33:28

There's so much that you just said, and I kept thinking, Oh, that's where I'm gonna go off of there's so much wonderful thing that you said that I was like, I don't even know where to begin after that that. So I'll just kind of preface it there, where I might be taking a hard laugh. My apologies. Also, I microdosed this morning, and I did yesterday, and I worked, and it was wonderful. It was super focused today that microdose is hitting very differently, and I'm here for it, and I love that we're recording while this is happening, but my brain keeps being like, oh and this and oh and that and like, so here we are.

Krissy Vann: 34:05

I love this forum adventure 100%

Unknown: 34:09

which kind of leads me into my one my my main thought that kind of keeps coming is life is like, really, is this experience and this experiment with yourself and when you're tapping into how do I trust myself more? How do I build more? How do I build more evidence that like I can handle tough things, that I I will take the space I will be compassionate. I will love myself through it. I do know to walk in the forest when I feel stressed like and I'll trust that I'll drive myself to the forest. I'll drink that glass of water, because I know that it's gonna that this body needs it, and I need this body. And when you're looking at more as like this experience versus outcome, you. You're going more internally, and you're going like, well, what would that look like to build more trust so that I can go out there and have this experience, take this risk, take this chance, and I'm going to trust that ultimately, all is kind of working for me in the biggest of pictures, it might feel harder before I get to a blissful state, and the blissful state won't last forever, because I'll go through another metamorphosis, or another recalibration itself, or whatever it is. But we keep looking at this life like this, it's these set outcomes and like, if I could just get to that, if I could just get to that, and if I could just get to that, it that's not real. That doesn't exist. It's this. It's all bullshit. And that's kind of where I say, as a kid, I watched all these adults be like, if you're just through this, you'll be happy. I'm like, like, you are, seems pretty fucking miserable. And everyone you know the way people talk about themselves and talk about each other and did it done. And so it was much more about as a kid. I was just always trying to tap into my experience, and that felt quite good. And then I've just done that. You know, when they said you should be married at this age, you should have children at this age, you should live in this town and have this this or this city, or whatever it is, I was always just going off of the i I'm going for experience. It was only later that I had to start building trust in myself to do the really boring and mundane things, to get to, I shouldn't say the outcomes, but to go towards things that my gut was saying it's time for this, like being in school right now, right? This isn't this glorious experience, but it's a necessary, and it is beautiful in its own right. And that's what's allowed me to build self trust and go inwards and continue that is looking at my life from a space of an experience. And I find when I get to like, goal outcome oriented and that and that kind of be the focus, or I get caught in that trap of like this equates happiness, which like, where no one's immune to it, especially when it's coming bombarded in the level and pace that it is, but that's the time where I feel like this doesn't feel like me, or like something feels off, and I'm noticing more of what other people are doing or did it and and I'm like, You're falling into that trap, and you got to get back to self. And so that's, you know, I amp up whatever it is to be more quiet with myself so I can hear myself. But if you shift that and look at it more as this experiment of an experience, it also then takes off the weight of getting it right. Like, what is that even? How do you get a life right? There's no it's an impossibility. Like, it is an impossibility to get it right. The closest you can even get to it is get it fine tuned into a state of listening and following your intuition, because what if the Getting it right is during this lifetime and regardless of your belief systems? But like jury, this life, while you're a human on planet Earth, it's learning whatever it is that you're meant to learn. So it might be a life full of suffering and pain, but that might be your lesson here, that might be your story. And it doesn't mean that you got a raw deal necessarily, but if you were focusing and you've convinced yourself that that is your story, well that's not that's just you welcoming in suffering and pain, but if you're looking at the beauty within the pain, that might be your story, if you're looking in the optimism and the fact that you're here to even experience like that was the other thing too, is like grief is having all this unexpressed love in many ways, right? And that person, how beautiful, but you, if you just looked at it as like, I want to avoid pain, well, then you would avoid being there for the loved ones last breaths, because that's exceptionally painful. But then you then also avoid this incredible, life changing experience of being in the depths of that pain, but all the beauty and I might be on a micro dosing tangent, I

Krissy Vann: 39:13

love it. That's what my soul neuro pathways connecting in new places. I yeah, I find honestly, this subject just deeply meaningful. Because, yeah, the first of all on the pain, because it means everything,

Unknown: 39:34

right, like, is deeply meaningful because it's like, it's, it drives everything is, is our whole lives are driven by the depth of how much you trust yourself or don't trust yourself,

Krissy Vann: 39:46

and I just love that you highlight trusting in the painful moments. I mean, as we know, vulnerability was something that I was really cracking and hacking, and then I got cracked. Open and felt deeper than I ever have allowed. And when I think of that rawness, like I fucking love that rawness, sometimes I miss it. And I know that sounds really fucked up, but like

Unknown: 40:20

I know what you're saying. Oh, the like, the

Krissy Vann: 40:24

level of aliveness and like feeling that brutally raw was just the most awake I think I've ever been while being alive. I'm not the one that micro dosed, but that's the best way that I can say it. And to my point of just having been on this journey, when Laurie and I hit record on March 12 last year, I've re listened to that podcast many times, and at the end, I was like, I want to pull up the quote, but it was something to the effect I said, I have no idea why I'm here, but I trust that I'm exactly where I'm supposed to be. And I didn't know why I said it over and over again. It's riddled in my journey or journal. I'm like, I don't know why I trust this. And it was the weirdest feeling, but I had had evidence in my life, and more uplifting moments, like leaving my career, and I was like, don't know why, but I feel like I gotta go this way. And heading into this year, there's so many decisions that I'm making where I'm like, I loved that you said the outcome thing, because I used to be so outcome driven when I get my weather show, and then when I'm off weekend weather, and then I'm Monday to Friday, and when I'm this like everything was so driven. And it makes so much sense I was the same kid that was the three year old with the buttery fucking Chardonnay that was looking for my gold sticker on life, and that was never going to come. And now I'm in this space where there's so much moving at the same time. And I think it's the realization, look at the Earth that we live on hell. There was just an earthquake here in British Columbia before we recorded a couple days ago. Everything is always in motion. Our lives are in motion. We're aging in motion. Our cells are in motion. And when we are married to an outcome, what a grave illusion, you know, like, What a funny illusion that we allow ourselves to believe that that outcome is something in grasp. And don't get me wrong, I believe in dreams, I believe in goals. I believe in manifesting the life that you want, but the journey, the journey to get there, to think we have the audacity that we can map it out, that it's gonna look exactly how we think it's gonna look. Fuck no. But the more that you allow the bike to do what it's meant to do, your inner compass, your inner vehicle, the more you trust that we're designed to learn, the lessons that we're supposed to learn however we there to unfold. And if you really notice, it's when you're gripping on that gut and telling it No, when you're hearing that nudge and saying, Not Today I'm meant to go here that is when we tend to crash and burn. And the beauty is in this life that we have so many opportunities where we're gifted the ability to kind of maybe we've hurt ourselves, bruised ourselves, broken a couple bones, but dust ourselves off and get back up on that fucking bike and start to build a relationship where you trust it within yourself, because that is when, even when it seemingly feels so random, and humans hate random, we like predictability. So all of it might feel like there is a resistance, but resistance and tension within yourself, like attention that's not meant to be there. Those are two different feelings within ourselves, but you have to create the space to notice, and once you cultivate that trust within yourself, I guarantee there's going to be beautiful gifts that enter your life that quite possibly you never expected in the first place. They wouldn't have been on the vision board. 100%

Unknown: 44:32

Yeah, and it's yeah, we get to sing. Let's

Krissy Vann: 44:36

do a psychedelic version. What would that sound like? 70s? Like roar.

Unknown: 44:48

Wham whammy bar. He had a little whammy bar

Krissy Vann: 44:52

in there. If I played a guitar, I would whammy bar

Unknown: 44:57

exactly excessively. So. 5% of the song will be whammy bar, without a doubt, 75 whammy whammy. So I'm gonna do some like micro level steps. So a small choice challenge is just making low stakes decisions without overthinking. And so when I say overthinking, it's that like, oh, well, what would they think and what would they say? And, you know, like, well, that is that gonna work for them, or is that gonna work for like? How's that gonna affect like, as soon as you start to do the like, all the look out there, look out there. Look at their making those small decisions of even just like, I want to make that. I want to wear this I'm going to leave it this time. I'm going to and I know that that's you can really kind of experiment with it, because depending on what your day to day, life looks like, you know, you got other people you have to consider, to some degree, obviously, like children, family members, whatever it is, colleagues, but to a good extent, like find choices in your day where you can make some like, small, low key, that you can start to just trust that, like, I can do this because I want to do this. And the other one is practice, saying no, like, honestly, like practice the if you genuinely don't want to do something and you feel like you're going to say yes because you don't want to disappoint or you don't want to make uncomfortable, practice to say no without an excuse. Low stakes ones are great. You know what I mean? Like practice say no, practice making those small, little choices and find one small, small thing, one small, super thing, like the water drinking. And you make a deal with yourself that you're gonna have how many glasses of water. What is it gonna like, to optimize it kind of thing, but like, do it with love, not like, I have to do this, oh, I should drink more water. Like, Oh, I love you body. I love you brain. I'm gonna, I'm gonna hydrate you. Like, look at and every time you hydrate yourself, give yourself a little love, like, okay, and your brain body be like, thank you for that. You know, like, the same way you would interact in a relationship, when you show up for other people, show up for yourself in that same way. Give yourself that gratitude, give yourself that validation. So those are mine. I

Krissy Vann: 47:18

like how you under that because then I know I stopped you when you said it earlier today, but I'm like, it's so true. We're so quick to it's the same with self talk. I know, ages ago we did a podcast about negative self talk, and I'm like, you wouldn't speak to a friend like that. Why would you do it to yourself? And it's kind of like you wouldn't treat a friend like that. Why would you treat yourself like that? Mine really simple. We know so many people, including ourselves, have talked about the book the body keeps score, and your body often knows the truth well before your mind does when you really think about it. I'm sure you can come up with examples in your own life. So how do you start to build that relationship of getting attuned with yourself, make the space not to nap, but to sit, lie down. Think of a decision that you made or need to make, and notice how your body reacts. I am going to disclaimer this and be like, if this is not something that you incorporate in your life, you're going to feel resistance. It's going to feel weird. I obviously, and Laura, you're studying so much right now in regards to therapy, and this is something that in therapy they do often. Where are you feeling this in your body? And at first I would look at my therapist and be like, I don't know. It was just like, I'd just be perplexed and almost defensive, like your whole body's like a cat. That's like, I don't know, but your body is reacting. So figuring out is that decision bringing me tightness, relaxation, warmth, what do those sensations feel like in your body? And the more that you build that relationship, you're going to come to understand what your body is telling you, what signal, signals. There we go. That's a new word. Signals, signals, it is giving you and over time, if you build trust with your body's reaction, it's going to help you trust yourself more deeply. It's really just an exercise in listening to that intuition, which, as we started this there's so many distractions, so many things designed to make you go off course and not listen to that, so many things you were taught in your developmental years and that you harnessed as a way of being. So you have to give yourself grace, because remember, anytime we share these things on the podcast, we're often having to undo something or relearn because we have wired our wired ourselves to operate a certain way. So give yourself grace, and as I say, it's going to feel fucking uncomfortable. But five minutes. Everyone has five minutes. I know we're all fucking busy. Every one of you has five minutes. And the

Unknown: 49:58

practice of the disconnect. For it is also super valuable. It's not, you know, just because it's a a part of it to know, to expect it, which do expect it, no if ands or buts, you will feel it. But that's also a good sign, because that means you're actually doing something different. You're neurologically wiring yourself. You're creating it. You're reconnecting your awareness in your mind to the body, and because there's been that initial disconnection from early childhood, you're reconnecting, you're re establishing, you're rewiring all good stuff. So if you don't feel discomfort, guess what? Nothing's actually changing. But the more important thing, too, or equally as important, is that that discomfort in itself is also awesome, because it's a practice of saying I'm not going to make a decision only when I feel comfortable. I'm going to learn to trust that I can tolerate discomfort and not run from it, not bypass it, not avoid it, not quit. That's also so it's a double whammy, because you also build that trust within self, these little micro moments to say, Yeah, okay, I tolerated that so that when big moments come into life where you're making bigger decisions, bigger life changes, which will inevitable, inevitably come, you have built a trust and a tolerance to say, I can handle uncomfortable feelings and I can move through it. I have strategies, exercises and or I just trust that I can absorb, metabolize and get on the other side of it, so that in itself. That's why meditation is so huge. It also grays gray matter in your brain, which is like, anyways, point being, do it be uncomfortable. It pays off. And this is where you build. This is how you lift the 50 pound weight is with the two pounders and the five pounders of like, five minutes of discomfort as you're rewiring and reconnecting, so that when those big moments happen, you don't go into a state and avoidance, and then, you know, 20 years later, like, I don't know how I got here, I don't know how my life is still here. Well, because you've stayed disconnected, you've stayed in an in a state of, I'll go when it's the perfect time. I'll do this when it's this and I and so and you're just living in a reality that doesn't actually serve you and isn't what we as human beings are ultimately built for, or our experience is built for. So you're working against, in all ways, your true sense of self. Anyways, that's my TED talk.

Krissy Vann: 52:23

I really enjoyed that you said the double whammy and ever since you said that, I went whammy bar,

Unknown: 52:29

whammy bar, you said a lot of meaningful things in between, but my brain was just like, whammy bar. I feel like that is the only thing that matters. Whammy bar, whammy bar, well,

Krissy Vann: 52:40

here's my quote of the day, whammy. Bar, no, a bird sitting on a tree is never afraid of the branch breaking, because her trust is not on the branch but on its own wings. Always believe in yourself. Trust yourself. Trust yourself.

Unknown: 52:58

Okay, mine is self trust isn't about always getting it right. It's about believing you can handle whatever comes next, and if a lesson's been learned, it hasn't been lost upon you. That is your micro dosing motivation. You've just listened to the motivation podcast with your host, Krissy Vann and me. Laura Joy Kingwell,

Krissy Vann: 53:30

thanks for joining us along the ride. We've got new episodes dropping every Monday, and we're all about communities. So follow us on Instagram at motivation podcast, and visit our website at the motivation.com and in the meantime

Unknown: 53:42

tanks full and full throttle. You.