{"version":"1.0.0","segments":[{"startTime":56.452,"endTime":59.212,"body":"you're welcome For that future,"},{"startTime":56.452,"endTime":59.212,"body":"Cody, listening to this, are"},{"startTime":59.212,"endTime":59.962,"body":"we recording?"},{"startTime":59.992000000000004,"endTime":60.592,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":65.095,"endTime":65.885,"body":"Okay"},{"startTime":66.338,"endTime":68.328,"body":"Talking about anxiety"},{"startTime":71.17,"endTime":73.47,"body":"make you anxious?"},{"startTime":75.392,"endTime":75.912,"body":"Sometime."},{"startTime":78.132,"endTime":78.97200000000001,"body":"In what context?"},{"startTime":80.232,"endTime":81.22200000000001,"body":"This context."},{"startTime":81.742,"endTime":82.142,"body":"No."},{"startTime":82.452,"endTime":83.042,"body":"Okay, good."},{"startTime":84.172,"endTime":84.80199999999999,"body":"That wasn't a good one."},{"startTime":85.96600000000001,"endTime":86.576,"body":"so Cody."},{"startTime":87.01599999999999,"endTime":87.376,"body":"Yep."},{"startTime":88.886,"endTime":91.176,"body":"What does it feel like"},{"startTime":88.886,"endTime":91.176,"body":"when you're anxious?"},{"startTime":93.489,"endTime":97.757,"body":"Like, A ten year old is squeezing"},{"startTime":93.489,"endTime":97.757,"body":"my neck as hard as they can."},{"startTime":98.527,"endTime":99.667,"body":"Why a ten year old?"},{"startTime":104.77000000000001,"endTime":106.09,"body":"never gonna get through this one."},{"startTime":107.549,"endTime":108.569,"body":"So, Cody."},{"startTime":108.729,"endTime":109.199,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":110.169,"endTime":111.909,"body":"What's something funny about anxiety?"},{"startTime":116.419,"endTime":117.729,"body":"Why funny?"},{"startTime":117.729,"endTime":121.369,"body":"What"},{"startTime":124.049,"endTime":124.739,"body":"is happening?"},{"startTime":125.519,"endTime":126.239,"body":"I don't know."},{"startTime":127.299,"endTime":128.97899999999998,"body":"I think we just move on."},{"startTime":167.006,"endTime":168.656,"body":"Hey, so guess what?"},{"startTime":169.05599999999998,"endTime":169.70600000000002,"body":"What's that?"},{"startTime":170.606,"endTime":174.626,"body":"I found out I experience anxiety."},{"startTime":175.64600000000002,"endTime":176.666,"body":"How'd you figure that out?"},{"startTime":180.676,"endTime":182.956,"body":"Well, I let myself feel things."},{"startTime":183.226,"endTime":183.686,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":184.016,"endTime":187.286,"body":"And one of the big things"},{"startTime":184.016,"endTime":187.286,"body":"that I feel a lot is anxiety."},{"startTime":187.856,"endTime":191.016,"body":"Yeah, yeah, that's, that is,"},{"startTime":187.856,"endTime":191.016,"body":"that tends to be how it happens."},{"startTime":194.506,"endTime":194.916,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":194.946,"endTime":201.016,"body":"I, you know, after last summer with"},{"startTime":194.946,"endTime":201.016,"body":"everything that happened and me opening"},{"startTime":201.016,"endTime":208.956,"body":"up in that way and stop, you know, stopped"},{"startTime":201.016,"endTime":208.956,"body":"running from my trauma and, you know, face"},{"startTime":208.956,"endTime":212.336,"body":"it head on and did the work start healing."},{"startTime":212.696,"endTime":217.026,"body":"It's been, it's been a crazy,"},{"startTime":212.696,"endTime":217.026,"body":"Wonderful year in that regard."},{"startTime":217.176,"endTime":217.486,"body":"Yeah"},{"startTime":218.266,"endTime":223.356,"body":"Really really hard and just really"},{"startTime":218.266,"endTime":223.356,"body":"really transformative and rewarding"},{"startTime":224.526,"endTime":232.636,"body":"but in that you know, I really gave"},{"startTime":224.526,"endTime":232.636,"body":"myself permission to feel on a level"},{"startTime":232.636,"endTime":239.636,"body":"that I hadn't experienced before and"},{"startTime":232.636,"endTime":239.636,"body":"Discovered how much I actually feel"},{"startTime":239.636,"endTime":248.731,"body":"anxiety a lot of the time And how much"},{"startTime":239.636,"endTime":248.731,"body":"I have spent so much energy and time"},{"startTime":249.991,"endTime":252.401,"body":"wasting trying to avoid that feeling."},{"startTime":252.401,"endTime":252.861,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":254.841,"endTime":255.211,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":255.211,"endTime":255.681,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":257.571,"endTime":261.091,"body":"I mean, it's, it's, it's more of"},{"startTime":257.571,"endTime":261.091,"body":"our existence than we think it is."},{"startTime":261.091,"endTime":264.93100000000004,"body":"And that's probably true of everybody,"},{"startTime":261.091,"endTime":264.93100000000004,"body":"but man of fives, especially, I feel"},{"startTime":264.93100000000004,"endTime":269.611,"body":"like we've got to all fight it somehow"},{"startTime":264.93100000000004,"endTime":269.611,"body":"because it's, it feels out of control."},{"startTime":269.701,"endTime":275.39099999999996,"body":"And so it's kind of like such a, an"},{"startTime":269.701,"endTime":275.39099999999996,"body":"antithesis of our fiveness to be."},{"startTime":276.506,"endTime":280.696,"body":"Feeling anxiety and feeling like you're"},{"startTime":276.506,"endTime":280.696,"body":"spiraling, which is often how it feels."},{"startTime":281.026,"endTime":281.406,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":281.776,"endTime":288.76599999999996,"body":"And that's the thing is I, I didn't"},{"startTime":281.776,"endTime":288.76599999999996,"body":"realize, like I, I, I intellectualized it."},{"startTime":289.246,"endTime":289.406,"body":"I"},{"startTime":291.446,"endTime":294.076,"body":"was like, Oh, anxiety is this."},{"startTime":294.366,"endTime":295.18600000000004,"body":"And."},{"startTime":295.461,"endTime":297.43100000000004,"body":"I don't experience this."},{"startTime":297.68100000000004,"endTime":300.621,"body":"I, but I do have all these things,"},{"startTime":297.68100000000004,"endTime":300.621,"body":"but you know, that doesn't count."},{"startTime":300.67100000000005,"endTime":306.751,"body":"And then like, I, I, I thought my way"},{"startTime":300.67100000000005,"endTime":306.751,"body":"through of like, Oh, I can be rational and"},{"startTime":306.751,"endTime":308.821,"body":"reason about this and work my way through."},{"startTime":308.841,"endTime":310.101,"body":"And I don't have anxiety."},{"startTime":310.76099999999997,"endTime":314.131,"body":"And, uh, that was all nonsense."},{"startTime":315.361,"endTime":321.001,"body":"And then when I started to, you"},{"startTime":315.361,"endTime":321.001,"body":"know, really let myself feel, I,"},{"startTime":321.89099999999996,"endTime":327.701,"body":"I just had this aha moment of, Oh,"},{"startTime":321.89099999999996,"endTime":327.701,"body":"this is what anxiety feels like."},{"startTime":327.711,"endTime":331.231,"body":"And I know this feeling, but"},{"startTime":327.711,"endTime":331.231,"body":"I didn't connect the two that"},{"startTime":331.231,"endTime":332.55100000000004,"body":"it was anxiety, you know?"},{"startTime":333.121,"endTime":337.39099999999996,"body":"I just thought, you know, my nervous"},{"startTime":333.121,"endTime":337.39099999999996,"body":"system was, was stressed at that"},{"startTime":337.39099999999996,"endTime":340.30100000000004,"body":"moment, which kind of part of anxiety."},{"startTime":340.41099999999994,"endTime":340.721,"body":"Right."},{"startTime":341.44100000000003,"endTime":344.55100000000004,"body":"And, uh, but I didn't, I"},{"startTime":341.44100000000003,"endTime":344.55100000000004,"body":"didn't recognize it as that."},{"startTime":344.961,"endTime":351.04600000000005,"body":"And I thought that, You know, my"},{"startTime":344.961,"endTime":351.04600000000005,"body":"superior intellect would allow me to,"},{"startTime":351.586,"endTime":359.576,"body":"you know, get rid of all anxiety in my"},{"startTime":351.586,"endTime":359.576,"body":"life because it's all nonsense and man."},{"startTime":359.576,"endTime":364.326,"body":"Did I get myself into"},{"startTime":359.576,"endTime":364.326,"body":"like a world of hurt?"},{"startTime":365.246,"endTime":365.626,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":365.626,"endTime":368.88599999999997,"body":"Well, and also too, like how much"},{"startTime":365.626,"endTime":368.88599999999997,"body":"our body remembers these things."},{"startTime":368.88599999999997,"endTime":373.376,"body":"And so, and we already don't like feeling"},{"startTime":368.88599999999997,"endTime":373.376,"body":"our body and acknowledging our body."},{"startTime":373.39599999999996,"endTime":374.086,"body":"And yep."},{"startTime":374.336,"endTime":375.086,"body":"Wanting to be in it."},{"startTime":375.086,"endTime":378.716,"body":"And I think, you know, anxiety"},{"startTime":375.086,"endTime":378.716,"body":"pulls us into our body so"},{"startTime":378.736,"endTime":380.77599999999995,"body":"much, you know, and, or you do."},{"startTime":381.246,"endTime":385.576,"body":"You find that if you try to do the work"},{"startTime":381.246,"endTime":385.576,"body":"to be more present in your body, you"},{"startTime":385.576,"endTime":390.13599999999997,"body":"feel anxiety like I think it works both"},{"startTime":385.576,"endTime":390.13599999999997,"body":"ways because the more you explore what"},{"startTime":390.13599999999997,"endTime":393.80600000000004,"body":"your body is feeling and the more you're"},{"startTime":390.13599999999997,"endTime":393.80600000000004,"body":"aware of it, the more you find those"},{"startTime":393.856,"endTime":397.78599999999994,"body":"places that your body is holding that"},{"startTime":393.856,"endTime":397.78599999999994,"body":"anxiety, whether it's I get it a lot in"},{"startTime":397.78599999999994,"endTime":401.78599999999994,"body":"my back and in my neck, you know, I feel"},{"startTime":397.78599999999994,"endTime":401.78599999999994,"body":"whenever I'm whenever I go through about"},{"startTime":401.78599999999994,"endTime":406.381,"body":"of knowing and acknowledging and just"},{"startTime":401.78599999999994,"endTime":406.381,"body":"being super aware of how anxious I am."},{"startTime":406.381,"endTime":407.93600000000004,"body":"It's always that next step."},{"startTime":408.076,"endTime":411.606,"body":"Week, I'll throw my back out somehow,"},{"startTime":408.076,"endTime":411.606,"body":"or like, it's just all of it's just so"},{"startTime":411.606,"endTime":415.51599999999996,"body":"tense, you know, and so, I'll twist wrong"},{"startTime":411.606,"endTime":415.51599999999996,"body":"or sleep wrong and it's, it's all over."},{"startTime":415.51599999999996,"endTime":419.41600000000005,"body":"And so it's usually, it's usually"},{"startTime":415.51599999999996,"endTime":419.41600000000005,"body":"around that if I'm having like really"},{"startTime":419.41600000000005,"endTime":423.13599999999997,"body":"bad nerve problems or muscle problems,"},{"startTime":419.41600000000005,"endTime":423.13599999999997,"body":"it's because it's all in there."},{"startTime":423.14599999999996,"endTime":426.05600000000004,"body":"And it's just that you, I think"},{"startTime":423.14599999999996,"endTime":426.05600000000004,"body":"it, there's whole books written"},{"startTime":426.05600000000004,"endTime":427.02599999999995,"body":"about that kind of thing."},{"startTime":427.03599999999994,"endTime":429.03599999999994,"body":"And I've, which I really should read."},{"startTime":429.06600000000003,"endTime":429.736,"body":"I have them."},{"startTime":430.27599999999995,"endTime":432.576,"body":"I've, I've tried to read"},{"startTime":430.27599999999995,"endTime":432.576,"body":"the body keeps score."},{"startTime":432.92100000000005,"endTime":435.881,"body":"Multiple times and I've read, I"},{"startTime":432.92100000000005,"endTime":435.881,"body":"think I've read the whole book, but"},{"startTime":435.881,"endTime":438.571,"body":"in so many parts, cause I'm like, I"},{"startTime":435.881,"endTime":438.571,"body":"think this is where I was, or I'll"},{"startTime":438.571,"endTime":440.081,"body":"just pick up where my bookmark was."},{"startTime":440.111,"endTime":443.05100000000004,"body":"I need to read it all at once"},{"startTime":440.111,"endTime":443.05100000000004,"body":"and like actually absorb it."},{"startTime":443.081,"endTime":445.69100000000003,"body":"And so, but it's, that's"},{"startTime":443.081,"endTime":445.69100000000003,"body":"a, that's a great book."},{"startTime":445.731,"endTime":449.18100000000004,"body":"And it's, but you don't like"},{"startTime":445.731,"endTime":449.18100000000004,"body":"thinking about your body."},{"startTime":449.19100000000003,"endTime":450.89099999999996,"body":"Like think about it."},{"startTime":451.05100000000004,"endTime":451.42100000000005,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":451.461,"endTime":453.251,"body":"So often we're just floating heads, right."},{"startTime":453.251,"endTime":454.43100000000004,"body":"And that's, that's our dream."},{"startTime":454.491,"endTime":456.831,"body":"That's why float tanks are"},{"startTime":454.491,"endTime":456.831,"body":"so appealing to the fives."},{"startTime":457.45899999999995,"endTime":461.21900000000005,"body":"I don't, yeah, it's, it's a weird thing"},{"startTime":457.45899999999995,"endTime":461.21900000000005,"body":"how anxiety kind of finds you, I think,"},{"startTime":461.23900000000003,"endTime":467.55899999999997,"body":"especially in, in, in our kind of current"},{"startTime":461.23900000000003,"endTime":467.55899999999997,"body":"society too, like just the way that things"},{"startTime":467.55899999999997,"endTime":471.31899999999996,"body":"are built, the way that our day, what our"},{"startTime":467.55899999999997,"endTime":471.31899999999996,"body":"days and weeks look like, it's, it's, it's"},{"startTime":471.31899999999996,"endTime":476.549,"body":"like, it's kind of built into the system"},{"startTime":471.31899999999996,"endTime":476.549,"body":"that we bury that anxiety to function and,"},{"startTime":476.59900000000005,"endTime":480.60900000000004,"body":"and that we always feel anxiety as in,"},{"startTime":476.59900000000005,"endTime":480.60900000000004,"body":"like, we're kind of always in that sort of"},{"startTime":480.649,"endTime":485.73900000000003,"body":"like the survival, like You know, fight,"},{"startTime":480.649,"endTime":485.73900000000003,"body":"fight, flight, or flight, or freeze,"},{"startTime":485.73900000000003,"endTime":492.134,"body":"fight, fight, or freeze, sure, there we"},{"startTime":485.73900000000003,"endTime":492.134,"body":"go, flight, flight, I don't know, flight"},{"startTime":492.134,"endTime":499.057,"body":"fright, this, this, Halloween yeah, so,"},{"startTime":492.134,"endTime":499.057,"body":"I think that we're kind of always in that"},{"startTime":499.057,"endTime":501.817,"body":"state, I guess, and I remember reading"},{"startTime":499.057,"endTime":501.817,"body":"that somewhere, and it's like, we're"},{"startTime":501.817,"endTime":506.75699999999995,"body":"constantly pushed to that state, at least"},{"startTime":501.817,"endTime":506.75699999999995,"body":"all the time, and so, it teaches us to"},{"startTime":506.75699999999995,"endTime":510.547,"body":"bury those feelings all the time, anyway,"},{"startTime":506.75699999999995,"endTime":510.547,"body":"and as fives, we're like, that sounds"},{"startTime":510.547,"endTime":514.227,"body":"great, Let's just keep burying it in mine."},{"startTime":514.237,"endTime":515.807,"body":"I think I've told this story before."},{"startTime":515.807,"endTime":519.847,"body":"I'm sure I have, and I have a song"},{"startTime":515.807,"endTime":519.847,"body":"about it that, you know, anxiety"},{"startTime":519.847,"endTime":524.077,"body":"found me in the most intense way when"},{"startTime":519.847,"endTime":524.077,"body":"one random, like, Monday afternoon"},{"startTime":524.077,"endTime":525.197,"body":"when I was taking a shower, right?"},{"startTime":525.197,"endTime":529.357,"body":"So like, You just, you don't know when"},{"startTime":525.197,"endTime":529.357,"body":"it happens, but man, when it happens,"},{"startTime":529.357,"endTime":534.1370000000001,"body":"like for me, it hit me, and I had to"},{"startTime":529.357,"endTime":534.1370000000001,"body":"live with it every second of every day"},{"startTime":534.147,"endTime":537.667,"body":"for about a year, and it would not go"},{"startTime":534.147,"endTime":537.667,"body":"away, like every couple minutes, I would"},{"startTime":537.667,"endTime":542.317,"body":"rethink of the same, my brain would"},{"startTime":537.667,"endTime":542.317,"body":"try to intellectualize it, but because"},{"startTime":542.317,"endTime":546.047,"body":"there was an insane amount of trauma"},{"startTime":542.317,"endTime":546.047,"body":"around the thing I was feeling anxiety"},{"startTime":546.047,"endTime":548.057,"body":"about, It couldn't intellectualize."},{"startTime":548.057,"endTime":550.307,"body":"So every time it would start"},{"startTime":548.057,"endTime":550.307,"body":"to think about and process the"},{"startTime":550.307,"endTime":553.797,"body":"thoughts, I'd reenter into a"},{"startTime":550.307,"endTime":553.797,"body":"panic state, like a panic attack."},{"startTime":554.217,"endTime":557.177,"body":"And so I didn't know how to process it."},{"startTime":557.207,"endTime":560.627,"body":"And so I think it was just a really,"},{"startTime":557.207,"endTime":560.627,"body":"it was a really new experience for me."},{"startTime":560.637,"endTime":561.327,"body":"And also."},{"startTime":561.7669999999999,"endTime":566.637,"body":"absolute hell because I was so"},{"startTime":561.7669999999999,"endTime":566.637,"body":"aware of the anxiety and feeling"},{"startTime":566.637,"endTime":569.557,"body":"it in my body at all times and I've"},{"startTime":566.637,"endTime":569.557,"body":"never experienced anything like that"},{"startTime":569.557,"endTime":571.747,"body":"before and haven't since thankfully."},{"startTime":572.067,"endTime":577.057,"body":"But it's crazy how such deep seated"},{"startTime":572.067,"endTime":577.057,"body":"things sometimes with some of us,"},{"startTime":577.067,"endTime":580.467,"body":"you know, we experienced things,"},{"startTime":577.067,"endTime":580.467,"body":"we bury it for so long and it's so"},{"startTime":580.467,"endTime":584.377,"body":"ingrained in us that when it does come"},{"startTime":580.467,"endTime":584.377,"body":"out, it's like fully out of control."},{"startTime":584.447,"endTime":587.857,"body":"And it's, it's a terrible experience"},{"startTime":584.447,"endTime":587.857,"body":"to be terrible experience for anybody."},{"startTime":587.857,"endTime":588.237,"body":"I would think."},{"startTime":588.476,"endTime":595.245,"body":"So I realized that I'm experiencing"},{"startTime":588.476,"endTime":595.245,"body":"anxiety a lot and realizing how"},{"startTime":595.245,"endTime":598.505,"body":"much of what I was doing was"},{"startTime":595.245,"endTime":598.505,"body":"trying to avoid that feeling."},{"startTime":598.665,"endTime":598.9549999999999,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":599.182,"endTime":605.2919999999999,"body":"but I didn't, really understand how"},{"startTime":599.182,"endTime":605.2919999999999,"body":"much I was feeling anxiety until I"},{"startTime":605.842,"endTime":607.482,"body":"Did not have anxiety for a whole week."},{"startTime":607.833,"endTime":616.3629999999999,"body":"I went out to Laguna Beach for work and"},{"startTime":607.833,"endTime":616.3629999999999,"body":"We were I had supposed to be doing a"},{"startTime":616.3629999999999,"endTime":620.313,"body":"presentation at a board meeting on Monday."},{"startTime":621.063,"endTime":626.203,"body":"So I flew out on Friday because"},{"startTime":621.063,"endTime":626.203,"body":"I have some friends in the area."},{"startTime":627.2529999999999,"endTime":631.413,"body":"And Saturday morning I met"},{"startTime":627.2529999999999,"endTime":631.413,"body":"one of them for for breakfast."},{"startTime":632.482,"endTime":634.732,"body":"And then we were supposed"},{"startTime":632.482,"endTime":634.732,"body":"to meet up later in the day."},{"startTime":635.0899999999999,"endTime":640.637,"body":"And then I went to go get lunch"},{"startTime":635.0899999999999,"endTime":640.637,"body":"by myself, and, I was feeling off."},{"startTime":641.627,"endTime":648.967,"body":"And I went back to the hotel, and by"},{"startTime":641.627,"endTime":648.967,"body":"that evening I was like full on flu."},{"startTime":649.487,"endTime":652.387,"body":"Like I had not, I had not been this sick."},{"startTime":653.087,"endTime":654.536,"body":"Um, Probably since I was a kid,"},{"startTime":654.5369999999999,"endTime":655.626,"body":"it"},{"startTime":655.906,"endTime":661.3159999999999,"body":"was awful and, uh, just like"},{"startTime":655.906,"endTime":661.3159999999999,"body":"full body aches, really intense."},{"startTime":661.656,"endTime":661.896,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":661.9259999999999,"endTime":663.706,"body":"Like my whole spine hurt."},{"startTime":663.746,"endTime":668.6859999999999,"body":"Like it was, it was, it was rough and"},{"startTime":663.746,"endTime":668.6859999999999,"body":"you know, and then I had, you know, the"},{"startTime":668.706,"endTime":672.976,"body":"coughing and the fever, like just, I know"},{"startTime":668.706,"endTime":672.976,"body":"I had to have had a crazy high fever."},{"startTime":673.246,"endTime":675.196,"body":"Um, I was getting delirious at points."},{"startTime":675.846,"endTime":681.6419999999999,"body":"Um, And so I ended up spending five"},{"startTime":675.846,"endTime":681.6419999999999,"body":"days or yeah, four or five days."},{"startTime":681.927,"endTime":684.947,"body":"In a hotel room, sick as a dog by myself."},{"startTime":685.087,"endTime":685.437,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":686.447,"endTime":692.707,"body":"And that experience forced me"},{"startTime":686.447,"endTime":692.707,"body":"into my body like nothing I had."},{"startTime":692.737,"endTime":697.975,"body":"And I finally got to the"},{"startTime":692.737,"endTime":697.975,"body":"point where I just gave in."},{"startTime":698.1949999999999,"endTime":698.975,"body":"I surrendered."},{"startTime":699.775,"endTime":701.805,"body":"I was like, okay, I'm"},{"startTime":699.775,"endTime":701.805,"body":"gonna let myself feel this."},{"startTime":701.8249999999999,"endTime":704.025,"body":"I'm gonna be here experiencing it."},{"startTime":704.535,"endTime":709.135,"body":"And in this like weird way, it, it,"},{"startTime":704.535,"endTime":709.135,"body":"I almost felt like coming home and I"},{"startTime":709.145,"endTime":714.055,"body":"reconnected with a part of myself that"},{"startTime":709.145,"endTime":714.055,"body":"had been so disconnected from, and"},{"startTime":714.182,"endTime":719.872,"body":"I didn't really realize it at first,"},{"startTime":714.182,"endTime":719.872,"body":"but for the next week after that whole"},{"startTime":719.872,"endTime":722.668,"body":"experience, I didn't feel any anxiety."},{"startTime":723.293,"endTime":729.913,"body":"And it was such a stark contrast that"},{"startTime":723.293,"endTime":729.913,"body":"I, it was so noticeable to me because I,"},{"startTime":729.983,"endTime":735.8779999999999,"body":"I would even before that often get like"},{"startTime":729.983,"endTime":735.8779999999999,"body":"flight anxiety, well, pre, pre 2020, for"},{"startTime":735.8779999999999,"endTime":739.308,"body":"whatever reason whenever I'd fly, I would"},{"startTime":735.8779999999999,"endTime":739.308,"body":"have some pretty severe flight anxiety,"},{"startTime":739.308,"endTime":740.418,"body":"which I hadn't experienced before."},{"startTime":741.255,"endTime":743.295,"body":"And then that went away"},{"startTime":741.255,"endTime":743.295,"body":"after this experience too."},{"startTime":743.755,"endTime":745.2049999999999,"body":"And and I, so I didn't."},{"startTime":745.48,"endTime":747.38,"body":"I experienced any anxiety for like a week."},{"startTime":747.38,"endTime":752.209,"body":"And I remember after I came home, our"},{"startTime":747.38,"endTime":752.209,"body":"three year old, was Like I was, I was"},{"startTime":752.209,"endTime":757.5889999999999,"body":"sitting there eating at the table and"},{"startTime":752.209,"endTime":757.5889999999999,"body":"he just was coming and like jumping on"},{"startTime":757.5889999999999,"endTime":760.8589999999999,"body":"my back and all this stuff and just,"},{"startTime":757.5889999999999,"endTime":760.8589999999999,"body":"you know, being a three year old."},{"startTime":761.009,"endTime":761.379,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":761.499,"endTime":765.587,"body":"And I was just sitting there"},{"startTime":761.499,"endTime":765.587,"body":"casually, nonchalantly having a"},{"startTime":765.587,"endTime":768.5269999999999,"body":"conversation with Amy and it was"},{"startTime":765.587,"endTime":768.5269999999999,"body":"like, it wasn't even happening."},{"startTime":768.557,"endTime":771.587,"body":"And she's just like, she's freaking out."},{"startTime":771.607,"endTime":773.057,"body":"She's like, what is happening right now?"},{"startTime":773.507,"endTime":776.307,"body":"Normally by that point, I"},{"startTime":773.507,"endTime":776.307,"body":"would have, I would have like."},{"startTime":776.372,"endTime":780.981,"body":"I've been so on edge after, you know,"},{"startTime":776.372,"endTime":780.981,"body":"five minutes of that, that I would have"},{"startTime":780.981,"endTime":785.321,"body":"either had to, you know, set them aside"},{"startTime":780.981,"endTime":785.321,"body":"or go somewhere else or something,"},{"startTime":785.511,"endTime":788.281,"body":"cause I just, or definitely would not"},{"startTime":785.511,"endTime":788.281,"body":"be able to carry on a conversation."},{"startTime":788.531,"endTime":788.661,"body":"Right."},{"startTime":789.341,"endTime":790.241,"body":"Yeah, for sure."},{"startTime":790.751,"endTime":794.511,"body":"And it was just like, nothing was"},{"startTime":790.751,"endTime":794.511,"body":"happening and I didn't, it didn't feel it."},{"startTime":794.7909999999999,"endTime":795.661,"body":"It was so weird."},{"startTime":795.661,"endTime":799.641,"body":"And, and that's, you know, one of the"},{"startTime":795.661,"endTime":799.641,"body":"things that really clued me into how my"},{"startTime":799.641,"endTime":801.251,"body":"nervous system is a big part of this."},{"startTime":801.6809999999999,"endTime":806.031,"body":"Uh, and so I've been, and then once"},{"startTime":801.6809999999999,"endTime":806.031,"body":"I kind of got back into the, uh,"},{"startTime":806.851,"endTime":808.341,"body":"Work routine and stuff like that."},{"startTime":808.341,"endTime":809.501,"body":"It started to come back."},{"startTime":810.0659999999999,"endTime":812.933,"body":"but ever since I've experienced"},{"startTime":810.0659999999999,"endTime":812.933,"body":"that, I'm like, okay, my"},{"startTime":812.933,"endTime":815.0129999999999,"body":"body can get into the state."},{"startTime":815.172,"endTime":819.302,"body":"How can I do it more often, but"},{"startTime":815.172,"endTime":819.302,"body":"without being really, really sick?"},{"startTime":820.132,"endTime":820.702,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":820.812,"endTime":821.312,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1009.371,"endTime":1012.6909999999999,"body":"so I have, I've, I've experienced"},{"startTime":1009.371,"endTime":1012.6909999999999,"body":"like fleeting moments of that."},{"startTime":1012.741,"endTime":1015.221,"body":"A lot of it comes through different"},{"startTime":1012.741,"endTime":1015.221,"body":"things that I've been doing"},{"startTime":1015.221,"endTime":1018.201,"body":"with meditation or with the cold"},{"startTime":1015.221,"endTime":1018.201,"body":"plunging and stuff like that."},{"startTime":1018.4309999999999,"endTime":1018.751,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1018.771,"endTime":1019.731,"body":"Breath work a lot."},{"startTime":1020.161,"endTime":1020.481,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1020.911,"endTime":1025.0710000000001,"body":"But that, that experience changed"},{"startTime":1020.911,"endTime":1025.0710000000001,"body":"me though, because it gave me,"},{"startTime":1025.0910000000001,"endTime":1028.921,"body":"like, it showed me what it's like"},{"startTime":1025.0910000000001,"endTime":1028.921,"body":"to be anxiety free for a little bit."},{"startTime":1029.251,"endTime":1029.551,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1030.101,"endTime":1032.601,"body":"Like, I felt like I had superpowers, man."},{"startTime":1032.611,"endTime":1033.351,"body":"It was like."},{"startTime":1033.856,"endTime":1040.486,"body":"I bet if I could just live this way, how"},{"startTime":1033.856,"endTime":1040.486,"body":"much I would do or not do, you know, like,"},{"startTime":1040.526,"endTime":1040.936,"body":"yeah,"},{"startTime":1041.476,"endTime":1043.2060000000001,"body":"just how much more I"},{"startTime":1041.476,"endTime":1043.2060000000001,"body":"would probably enjoy life."},{"startTime":1044.156,"endTime":1044.476,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1044.476,"endTime":1047.796,"body":"And I mean, I wish I could, I"},{"startTime":1044.476,"endTime":1047.796,"body":"wish I could figure that out."},{"startTime":1047.806,"endTime":1049.6960000000001,"body":"I've tried a lot of those things as well."},{"startTime":1049.6960000000001,"endTime":1053.2060000000001,"body":"Not consistently enough that it probably"},{"startTime":1049.6960000000001,"endTime":1053.2060000000001,"body":"made it much of a difference, but I"},{"startTime":1053.2060000000001,"endTime":1056.636,"body":"did also get on two different anxiety"},{"startTime":1053.2060000000001,"endTime":1056.636,"body":"medications and that worked really well."},{"startTime":1057.396,"endTime":1058.7060000000001,"body":"Um, So that's that."},{"startTime":1059.096,"endTime":1059.9560000000001,"body":"That's, that's my"},{"startTime":1059.9560000000001,"endTime":1060.476,"body":"story."},{"startTime":1061.166,"endTime":1063.396,"body":"Are you, are you, I mean,"},{"startTime":1061.166,"endTime":1063.396,"body":"are you feeling better?"},{"startTime":1063.676,"endTime":1066.026,"body":"Like you said, what does it mean for"},{"startTime":1063.676,"endTime":1066.026,"body":"you to work for it to work really well?"},{"startTime":1066.586,"endTime":1072.006,"body":"Well, so I, what I was experiencing was"},{"startTime":1066.586,"endTime":1072.006,"body":"an interesting, what I found was, is"},{"startTime":1072.006,"endTime":1076.836,"body":"that I had a base level of anxiety that"},{"startTime":1072.006,"endTime":1076.836,"body":"was, didn't feel connected to anything."},{"startTime":1076.836,"endTime":1078.406,"body":"It was just constantly happening."},{"startTime":1078.446,"endTime":1081.176,"body":"And it was like, you know, feeling"},{"startTime":1078.446,"endTime":1081.176,"body":"like your heart kind of gets up into"},{"startTime":1081.176,"endTime":1086.081,"body":"the bottom of your neck and you just"},{"startTime":1081.176,"endTime":1086.081,"body":"feel that like tension and, I was,"},{"startTime":1086.181,"endTime":1088.421,"body":"went to the, almost like a stereotype."},{"startTime":1088.421,"endTime":1090.571,"body":"I went to the doctor like, is there"},{"startTime":1088.421,"endTime":1090.571,"body":"something wrong with my heart?"},{"startTime":1090.581,"endTime":1092.761,"body":"And they were like, do you feel anxious?"},{"startTime":1092.761,"endTime":1094.981,"body":"You know, like, well, I"},{"startTime":1092.761,"endTime":1094.981,"body":"don't know what anxiety is."},{"startTime":1094.991,"endTime":1096.261,"body":"So I don't know if I feel anxious."},{"startTime":1096.271,"endTime":1101.6209999999999,"body":"And at this point I really didn't know,"},{"startTime":1096.271,"endTime":1101.6209999999999,"body":"but it was because of the panic attacks"},{"startTime":1101.6209999999999,"endTime":1104.481,"body":"that I had had that I was like, Like"},{"startTime":1101.6209999999999,"endTime":1104.481,"body":"there was this some kind of extreme"},{"startTime":1104.481,"endTime":1107.651,"body":"happening and I wasn't really sure and"},{"startTime":1104.481,"endTime":1107.651,"body":"part of it may have been also related"},{"startTime":1107.651,"endTime":1110.211,"body":"to high blood pressure, which I found"},{"startTime":1107.651,"endTime":1110.211,"body":"out that I had during that time, too."},{"startTime":1110.431,"endTime":1113.981,"body":"And so, um, the, you know, they put me"},{"startTime":1110.431,"endTime":1113.981,"body":"on some blood pressure meds and that also"},{"startTime":1113.991,"endTime":1115.671,"body":"kind of helped alleviate some of that."},{"startTime":1116.043,"endTime":1120.9479999999999,"body":"But Yeah, I mean, and I got lucky the"},{"startTime":1116.043,"endTime":1120.9479999999999,"body":"first couple of anxiety meds that I tried"},{"startTime":1120.9479999999999,"endTime":1124.028,"body":"really worked for me And I know that's"},{"startTime":1120.9479999999999,"endTime":1124.028,"body":"not everybody's journey It's sometimes"},{"startTime":1124.028,"endTime":1127.888,"body":"can be really hard to find something that"},{"startTime":1124.028,"endTime":1127.888,"body":"works But it did treat that base level"},{"startTime":1127.888,"endTime":1133.588,"body":"where it put me back into a place where"},{"startTime":1127.888,"endTime":1133.588,"body":"I was then able to even Mentally address"},{"startTime":1133.748,"endTime":1138.908,"body":"the panic attack anxiety, which was a"},{"startTime":1133.748,"endTime":1138.908,"body":"completely different bubble of you know"},{"startTime":1138.9479999999999,"endTime":1144.703,"body":"trauma and triggers and things that Was"},{"startTime":1138.9479999999999,"endTime":1144.703,"body":"causing it and so But I think part of it"},{"startTime":1144.703,"endTime":1147.533,"body":"was I couldn't I couldn't really address"},{"startTime":1144.703,"endTime":1147.533,"body":"it because I was always in a state of"},{"startTime":1147.533,"endTime":1151.743,"body":"anxiety and I Was I was like that for a"},{"startTime":1147.533,"endTime":1151.743,"body":"long time and of course it wasn't until"},{"startTime":1151.793,"endTime":1156.868,"body":"you know A lot, a lot of processing"},{"startTime":1151.793,"endTime":1156.868,"body":"and therapy too that I was like, Oh,"},{"startTime":1156.868,"endTime":1159.748,"body":"I've had anxiety since I was born."},{"startTime":1160.088,"endTime":1163.308,"body":"Like there was moments all of a sudden,"},{"startTime":1160.088,"endTime":1163.308,"body":"all these things started coming up where"},{"startTime":1163.308,"endTime":1167.128,"body":"I was thinking about how I was as a kid"},{"startTime":1163.308,"endTime":1167.128,"body":"and like how that tied into you know,"},{"startTime":1167.128,"endTime":1171.018,"body":"always control things, how the, what kind"},{"startTime":1167.128,"endTime":1171.018,"body":"of anxiety meltdown I would have if my mom"},{"startTime":1171.018,"endTime":1174.608,"body":"didn't sit me down and tell us everything"},{"startTime":1171.018,"endTime":1174.608,"body":"we were doing that day, everywhere we"},{"startTime":1174.618,"endTime":1176.058,"body":"had to go, what all of the errands were."},{"startTime":1176.058,"endTime":1177.4479999999999,"body":"And if anything went out of order."},{"startTime":1177.6779999999999,"endTime":1180.558,"body":"or anything changed, I would"},{"startTime":1177.6779999999999,"endTime":1180.558,"body":"lose my mind and this was like"},{"startTime":1180.668,"endTime":1181.858,"body":"at three and four years old."},{"startTime":1182.218,"endTime":1184.1779999999999,"body":"Granted, that also sounds"},{"startTime":1182.218,"endTime":1184.1779999999999,"body":"a lot like Asperger's."},{"startTime":1184.788,"endTime":1187.878,"body":"And so, you know, being on the spectrum"},{"startTime":1184.788,"endTime":1187.878,"body":"probably has a lot to do with my anxiety."},{"startTime":1187.878,"endTime":1191.249,"body":"And so I think it was really hard"},{"startTime":1187.878,"endTime":1191.249,"body":"to narrow down in the beginning,"},{"startTime":1191.249,"endTime":1194.589,"body":"like what, what was going on and"},{"startTime":1191.249,"endTime":1194.589,"body":"even how to begin to address it."},{"startTime":1194.609,"endTime":1196.542,"body":"And it, yeah, it took a while."},{"startTime":1196.5819999999999,"endTime":1199.732,"body":"It was kind of just a lot of"},{"startTime":1196.5819999999999,"endTime":1199.732,"body":"exploration, trying to figure out."},{"startTime":1200.212,"endTime":1201.562,"body":"How to, how to address it."},{"startTime":1202.612,"endTime":1208.022,"body":"With the meds, do they, do"},{"startTime":1202.612,"endTime":1208.022,"body":"they just dull the anxiety?"},{"startTime":1208.022,"endTime":1209.982,"body":"Or do they dull other things too?"},{"startTime":1210.612,"endTime":1212.672,"body":"I think that's been my main"},{"startTime":1210.612,"endTime":1212.672,"body":"concern in trying them."},{"startTime":1212.8419999999999,"endTime":1214.5919999999999,"body":"Depends on the Like personally."},{"startTime":1214.692,"endTime":1217.022,"body":"Yeah, and it depends on the, it"},{"startTime":1214.692,"endTime":1217.022,"body":"depends on the medication too."},{"startTime":1217.022,"endTime":1221.542,"body":"I'm on the um, I I think it's like"},{"startTime":1217.022,"endTime":1221.542,"body":"the generic version of Welbutrin."},{"startTime":1221.562,"endTime":1227.562,"body":"And for me, it works really well in only"},{"startTime":1221.562,"endTime":1227.562,"body":"doing, like only attacking the anxiety."},{"startTime":1227.562,"endTime":1229.142,"body":"And then I didn't feel any difference."},{"startTime":1229.142,"endTime":1229.182,"body":"Yes."},{"startTime":1229.492,"endTime":1233.442,"body":"Otherwise, except for that, maybe I felt"},{"startTime":1229.492,"endTime":1233.442,"body":"a little bit more emotionally equipped"},{"startTime":1233.442,"endTime":1234.992,"body":"to handle really stressful situations."},{"startTime":1235.946,"endTime":1239.896,"body":"But, but I could, and I wouldn't say"},{"startTime":1235.946,"endTime":1239.896,"body":"that it actually takes away the anxiety."},{"startTime":1239.896,"endTime":1240.706,"body":"That's the weird part."},{"startTime":1240.7359999999999,"endTime":1244.196,"body":"It just makes me, it almost,"},{"startTime":1240.7359999999999,"endTime":1244.196,"body":"it's almost like it separates"},{"startTime":1244.196,"endTime":1245.576,"body":"me from it, if that makes sense."},{"startTime":1246.016,"endTime":1249.296,"body":"Like I, I can detach from that"},{"startTime":1246.016,"endTime":1249.296,"body":"anxiety and not necessarily feel"},{"startTime":1249.296,"endTime":1250.106,"body":"it, but I don't know if it's."},{"startTime":1250.271,"endTime":1255.211,"body":"It's, if it's really ever gone, I"},{"startTime":1250.271,"endTime":1255.211,"body":"think it just, it's more like subdued."},{"startTime":1255.6019999999999,"endTime":1258.422,"body":"and, and, you know, there's, there's"},{"startTime":1255.6019999999999,"endTime":1258.422,"body":"times and trigger, you know, whenever"},{"startTime":1258.552,"endTime":1264.132,"body":"things happen in my life that I'm"},{"startTime":1258.552,"endTime":1264.132,"body":"reminded of unresolved trauma in my past."},{"startTime":1264.442,"endTime":1268.992,"body":"I think that there's also, it's just"},{"startTime":1264.442,"endTime":1268.992,"body":"really hard to, it's hard to, hard to go"},{"startTime":1268.992,"endTime":1272.552,"body":"back and forth on what the big traumas"},{"startTime":1268.992,"endTime":1272.552,"body":"are and what the small traumas are."},{"startTime":1272.552,"endTime":1275.5919999999999,"body":"But if I've got the small trauma under"},{"startTime":1272.552,"endTime":1275.5919999999999,"body":"control or at least subdued a little,"},{"startTime":1275.5919999999999,"endTime":1277.362,"body":"then the big traumas don't feel so big."},{"startTime":1277.5919999999999,"endTime":1280.762,"body":"If that makes sense, like before it would"},{"startTime":1277.5919999999999,"endTime":1280.762,"body":"feel like I was spiraling out of control,"},{"startTime":1281.122,"endTime":1285.432,"body":"whereas now I feel like I, you know,"},{"startTime":1281.122,"endTime":1285.432,"body":"shallower, short and shorter breaths."},{"startTime":1285.432,"endTime":1287.202,"body":"Like, I feel like I"},{"startTime":1285.432,"endTime":1287.202,"body":"can't get a good breath."},{"startTime":1287.202,"endTime":1291.292,"body":"I feel like really like almost"},{"startTime":1287.202,"endTime":1291.292,"body":"hypomanic, you know, and it's a"},{"startTime":1291.3319999999999,"endTime":1294.907,"body":"kind of gives me a different feeling"},{"startTime":1291.3319999999999,"endTime":1294.907,"body":"when I'm feeling a lot of anxiety."},{"startTime":1294.907,"endTime":1297.447,"body":"Whereas like before it would be like"},{"startTime":1294.907,"endTime":1297.447,"body":"I was having a full on meltdown and I"},{"startTime":1297.447,"endTime":1298.4569999999999,"body":"thought I was having a heart attack."},{"startTime":1298.4669999999999,"endTime":1300.027,"body":"Like, like, am I dying?"},{"startTime":1300.127,"endTime":1302.047,"body":"It was the level of anxiety I was feeling."},{"startTime":1302.647,"endTime":1305.837,"body":"And so in that way, I guess it brings"},{"startTime":1302.647,"endTime":1305.837,"body":"all of it down just a little bit."},{"startTime":1305.837,"endTime":1307.247,"body":"That makes sense."},{"startTime":1307.317,"endTime":1307.677,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1307.893,"endTime":1313.8709999999999,"body":"So do you think we're more"},{"startTime":1307.893,"endTime":1313.8709999999999,"body":"susceptible to anxiety as fives"},{"startTime":1313.8709999999999,"endTime":1316.171,"body":"than maybe some other types because"},{"startTime":1313.8709999999999,"endTime":1316.171,"body":"of how much we live in our heads?"},{"startTime":1316.671,"endTime":1317.781,"body":"Yeah, I'd say so."},{"startTime":1317.821,"endTime":1318.391,"body":"For sure."},{"startTime":1319.691,"endTime":1323.331,"body":"Yeah, because I mean, like we were"},{"startTime":1319.691,"endTime":1323.331,"body":"saying in the beginning, like the less"},{"startTime":1323.441,"endTime":1326.391,"body":"in touch with your body, you are, the"},{"startTime":1323.441,"endTime":1326.391,"body":"easier it is to hide that anxiety."},{"startTime":1326.391,"endTime":1330.221,"body":"And I, cause I think my thing is, I think"},{"startTime":1326.391,"endTime":1330.221,"body":"it, most people at some point in their"},{"startTime":1330.221,"endTime":1334.701,"body":"life feel anxiety and have an issue with"},{"startTime":1330.221,"endTime":1334.701,"body":"anxiety, but we all handle it differently."},{"startTime":1334.711,"endTime":1335.881,"body":"And fives."},{"startTime":1336.156,"endTime":1340.9759999999999,"body":"Don't handle it because we aren't that"},{"startTime":1336.156,"endTime":1340.9759999999999,"body":"bought that mind body connection is"},{"startTime":1340.9859999999999,"endTime":1344.646,"body":"oftentimes severed on purpose Like we're"},{"startTime":1340.9859999999999,"endTime":1344.646,"body":"always like like I think of it like,"},{"startTime":1344.926,"endTime":1348.9859999999999,"body":"you know when you sent you a water hose,"},{"startTime":1344.926,"endTime":1348.9859999999999,"body":"you know Yeah Always cutting off that"},{"startTime":1348.9859999999999,"endTime":1352.766,"body":"flow, you know and trying not to not to"},{"startTime":1348.9859999999999,"endTime":1352.766,"body":"acknowledge it and because of that reason"},{"startTime":1353.006,"endTime":1355.366,"body":"Anxiety is just another thing in the body."},{"startTime":1355.406,"endTime":1360.646,"body":"I don't want to acknowledge sickness or"},{"startTime":1355.406,"endTime":1360.646,"body":"Anxiety or what other ailments might be"},{"startTime":1360.646,"endTime":1362.586,"body":"going on in my body like that's separate."},{"startTime":1362.586,"endTime":1366.286,"body":"I don't need to deal with that, you"},{"startTime":1362.586,"endTime":1366.286,"body":"know and so I think that it's so easy"},{"startTime":1366.286,"endTime":1369.276,"body":"to just kind of dump it all in the"},{"startTime":1366.286,"endTime":1369.276,"body":"same bucket and not worry about it."},{"startTime":1369.936,"endTime":1373.326,"body":"There was a study I'd heard about"},{"startTime":1369.936,"endTime":1373.326,"body":"a while back and I'm probably"},{"startTime":1373.326,"endTime":1374.396,"body":"going to botch the details on this."},{"startTime":1374.396,"endTime":1378.506,"body":"Maybe I can look it up and"},{"startTime":1374.396,"endTime":1378.506,"body":"share it at some point and"},{"startTime":1378.506,"endTime":1379.4759999999999,"body":"everybody can fact check me."},{"startTime":1379.4759999999999,"endTime":1386.956,"body":"But the, my main takeaway from, from it"},{"startTime":1379.4759999999999,"endTime":1386.956,"body":"was that the anticipation of an electric"},{"startTime":1386.956,"endTime":1393.2459999999999,"body":"shock causes more trauma, much more"},{"startTime":1386.956,"endTime":1393.2459999999999,"body":"trauma than the actual shock itself."},{"startTime":1393.756,"endTime":1394.706,"body":"Yeah, I remember"},{"startTime":1394.706,"endTime":1397.7459999999999,"body":"reading that like the whole study"},{"startTime":1394.706,"endTime":1397.7459999999999,"body":"and how they did like measured it and"},{"startTime":1397.9759999999999,"endTime":1400.176,"body":"yeah, which is which is crazy."},{"startTime":1400.286,"endTime":1404.926,"body":"Yeah And I think that's that's a big"},{"startTime":1400.286,"endTime":1404.926,"body":"part of what I like how we experience"},{"startTime":1404.926,"endTime":1411.666,"body":"anxiety as fives is it's all in that"},{"startTime":1404.926,"endTime":1411.666,"body":"anticipation of the really bad thing"},{"startTime":1412.116,"endTime":1417.636,"body":"and Then oftentimes the really bad"},{"startTime":1412.116,"endTime":1417.636,"body":"thing never even happens But we do so"},{"startTime":1417.636,"endTime":1422.026,"body":"much damage to ourselves and sort of"},{"startTime":1417.636,"endTime":1422.026,"body":"living in that space and physically"},{"startTime":1422.026,"endTime":1422.9859999999999,"body":"doing damage Yeah,"},{"startTime":1423.006,"endTime":1424.516,"body":"it actually Anxiety"},{"startTime":1424.516,"endTime":1424.846,"body":"often"},{"startTime":1424.846,"endTime":1427.156,"body":"is the reason we die earlier, you know,"},{"startTime":1427.196,"endTime":1428.2259999999999,"body":"it's kind of crazy and"},{"startTime":1428.2259999999999,"endTime":1431.4859999999999,"body":"if we would just let ourselves"},{"startTime":1428.2259999999999,"endTime":1431.4859999999999,"body":"experience the things Yeah, like it"},{"startTime":1431.4859999999999,"endTime":1433.696,"body":"would be it take way less toll on us."},{"startTime":1433.806,"endTime":1434.146,"body":"Man."},{"startTime":1434.186,"endTime":1434.906,"body":"It sounds so easy."},{"startTime":1435.076,"endTime":1435.556,"body":"I know, right?"},{"startTime":1437.936,"endTime":1441.646,"body":"If we would just experience the things"},{"startTime":1437.936,"endTime":1441.646,"body":"we're experiencing but man, like"},{"startTime":1441.646,"endTime":1443.336,"body":"that taps into so many fears though."},{"startTime":1443.346,"endTime":1446.936,"body":"Like, and I think that that's oftentimes"},{"startTime":1443.346,"endTime":1446.936,"body":"what, at least what holds me back"},{"startTime":1446.946,"endTime":1455.7459999999999,"body":"is, you know, so much of my life"},{"startTime":1446.946,"endTime":1455.7459999999999,"body":"have avoided feeling just because of"},{"startTime":1455.876,"endTime":1457.536,"body":"what it might mean if I feel them."},{"startTime":1457.536,"endTime":1457.826,"body":"Right."},{"startTime":1457.826,"endTime":1462.586,"body":"And it's, and, and, and, and also too,"},{"startTime":1457.826,"endTime":1462.586,"body":"like how we project, like I've taught,"},{"startTime":1462.596,"endTime":1465.596,"body":"definitely talked about this before, like"},{"startTime":1462.596,"endTime":1465.596,"body":"when people get upset or when they're"},{"startTime":1465.596,"endTime":1469.961,"body":"crying and like, I'm not, empathizing"},{"startTime":1465.596,"endTime":1469.961,"body":"with what they're crying about."},{"startTime":1469.961,"endTime":1471.581,"body":"So I'm like, stop crying."},{"startTime":1472.231,"endTime":1473.051,"body":"I don't want you to cry."},{"startTime":1473.051,"endTime":1473.741,"body":"This is annoying."},{"startTime":1473.761,"endTime":1475.331,"body":"This is really inconvenient"},{"startTime":1473.761,"endTime":1475.331,"body":"for me right now."},{"startTime":1475.771,"endTime":1480.741,"body":"And so, you know, I feel like I projecting"},{"startTime":1475.771,"endTime":1480.741,"body":"that and knowing how I, how I feel"},{"startTime":1480.741,"endTime":1482.201,"body":"about other people feeling things."},{"startTime":1483.316,"endTime":1484.106,"body":"Turn it on yourself."},{"startTime":1484.106,"endTime":1486.106,"body":"It's amplified by a hundred, right?"},{"startTime":1486.106,"endTime":1487.9959999999999,"body":"Like I'm not going to feel anything."},{"startTime":1487.9959999999999,"endTime":1491.816,"body":"I'm not going to be that weak and just"},{"startTime":1487.9959999999999,"endTime":1491.816,"body":"be pouring my emotions all over the place"},{"startTime":1491.816,"endTime":1493.656,"body":"for everybody's inconvenience, you know?"},{"startTime":1493.656,"endTime":1496.506,"body":"And I think that, you know, that kind"},{"startTime":1493.656,"endTime":1496.506,"body":"of plays into it a little bit is like"},{"startTime":1496.506,"endTime":1500.2459999999999,"body":"kind of the fears of what it might mean"},{"startTime":1496.506,"endTime":1500.2459999999999,"body":"if we feel the things and deal with it."},{"startTime":1500.946,"endTime":1501.866,"body":"What will that uncover?"},{"startTime":1501.926,"endTime":1503.9759999999999,"body":"Yeah, a hundred percent."},{"startTime":1504.2459999999999,"endTime":1506.136,"body":"What else have I buried under"},{"startTime":1504.2459999999999,"endTime":1506.136,"body":"there that I forgot about?"},{"startTime":1506.426,"endTime":1506.896,"body":"You know, you start"},{"startTime":1506.906,"endTime":1508.056,"body":"digging them all up."},{"startTime":1508.056,"endTime":1508.646,"body":"I don't know."},{"startTime":1509.831,"endTime":1511.511,"body":"Just leave that dirt settled."},{"startTime":1511.512,"endTime":1513.128,"body":"Hippopotamus."},{"startTime":1513.3319999999999,"endTime":1518.276,"body":"Yeah, I think a big fear that I've had"},{"startTime":1513.3319999999999,"endTime":1518.276,"body":"before when trying to address my anxiety"},{"startTime":1518.286,"endTime":1521.454,"body":"is that being reliant on other people."},{"startTime":1521.814,"endTime":1522.104,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1522.201,"endTime":1522.431,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1522.431,"endTime":1527.051,"body":"A place I go to a lot is that"},{"startTime":1522.431,"endTime":1527.051,"body":"story that I don't need anyone"},{"startTime":1527.091,"endTime":1529.641,"body":"and that I can handle on my own."},{"startTime":1530.3509999999999,"endTime":1536.094,"body":"And, you know, I am not going to be a"},{"startTime":1530.3509999999999,"endTime":1536.094,"body":"burden on other people and, you know,"},{"startTime":1536.094,"endTime":1540.894,"body":"and therefore I can use that excuse"},{"startTime":1536.094,"endTime":1540.894,"body":"and say that, you know, other people's"},{"startTime":1541.484,"endTime":1545.114,"body":"anxiety are a burden on me and then I"},{"startTime":1541.484,"endTime":1545.114,"body":"don't have to deal with those either."},{"startTime":1545.114,"endTime":1551.1589999999999,"body":"And like, there's just like a, there's"},{"startTime":1545.114,"endTime":1551.1589999999999,"body":"something in there that live, you know,"},{"startTime":1551.519,"endTime":1554.903,"body":"self reliance that it's definitely."},{"startTime":1554.951,"endTime":1557.567,"body":"Put some roadblocks there"},{"startTime":1554.951,"endTime":1557.567,"body":"for me in trying to deal."},{"startTime":1557.754,"endTime":1558.944,"body":"With the anxiety on my part."},{"startTime":1559.894,"endTime":1560.174,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1560.174,"endTime":1561.924,"body":"And it connects to so"},{"startTime":1560.174,"endTime":1561.924,"body":"many parts of our life."},{"startTime":1561.924,"endTime":1565.324,"body":"Our, all of our relationships,"},{"startTime":1561.924,"endTime":1565.324,"body":"everything, it starts affecting."},{"startTime":1565.814,"endTime":1569.264,"body":"Because I can definitely feel a lot of"},{"startTime":1565.814,"endTime":1569.264,"body":"anxiety and I want to pull away, I want"},{"startTime":1569.274,"endTime":1574.494,"body":"to, I feel like if I just, if I just get"},{"startTime":1569.274,"endTime":1574.494,"body":"into my safe space, where everything makes"},{"startTime":1574.494,"endTime":1578.694,"body":"sense, then every, it'll be a lot easier"},{"startTime":1574.494,"endTime":1578.694,"body":"to kind of just deflate this balloon, you"},{"startTime":1578.694,"endTime":1581.2939999999999,"body":"know, and, but it doesn't work that way."},{"startTime":1581.5339999999999,"endTime":1585.074,"body":"We need other people, and that sucks,"},{"startTime":1581.5339999999999,"endTime":1585.074,"body":"and I don't like it, and it puts, like,"},{"startTime":1585.084,"endTime":1588.774,"body":"it puts you in a place of emotional"},{"startTime":1585.084,"endTime":1588.774,"body":"vulnerability, which no, nobody likes."},{"startTime":1589.214,"endTime":1589.564,"body":"Right."},{"startTime":1590.024,"endTime":1590.384,"body":"You know?"},{"startTime":1590.914,"endTime":1593.334,"body":"I won't say nobody, but I don't"},{"startTime":1590.914,"endTime":1593.334,"body":"know about any fives, at least."},{"startTime":1593.334,"endTime":1594.694,"body":"I don't, I definitely don't like it."},{"startTime":1594.714,"endTime":1596.354,"body":"I'm, I'm working my way up."},{"startTime":1596.424,"endTime":1596.724,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1596.734,"endTime":1597.154,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1597.324,"endTime":1597.514,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1597.514,"endTime":1598.329,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1598.329,"endTime":1599.144,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1599.144,"endTime":1599.959,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1599.959,"endTime":1600.774,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1601.004,"endTime":1601.214,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1601.234,"endTime":1602.864,"body":"I at least don't want to pour it now."},{"startTime":1602.984,"endTime":1603.614,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1603.614,"endTime":1604.094,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1604.094,"endTime":1604.344,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1604.344,"endTime":1608.0539999999999,"body":"I feel, I feel it's like when you"},{"startTime":1604.344,"endTime":1608.0539999999999,"body":"go to like go to the gym, like"},{"startTime":1608.0539999999999,"endTime":1609.094,"body":"I don't want to go to the gym."},{"startTime":1609.124,"endTime":1610.344,"body":"I dread going to the gym."},{"startTime":1610.344,"endTime":1613.894,"body":"But when I do go to the gym, I usually"},{"startTime":1610.344,"endTime":1613.894,"body":"leave going, I'm glad I went to the gym."},{"startTime":1614.354,"endTime":1618.744,"body":"And I feel, and you feel a lot of"},{"startTime":1614.354,"endTime":1618.744,"body":"those same, almost like euphoric"},{"startTime":1618.914,"endTime":1622.864,"body":"feelings sometimes when you do open"},{"startTime":1618.914,"endTime":1622.864,"body":"up and you do allow for those moments"},{"startTime":1622.874,"endTime":1623.914,"body":"for people to kind of come in."},{"startTime":1623.914,"endTime":1628.504,"body":"And, and a lot of times what most, I feel"},{"startTime":1623.914,"endTime":1628.504,"body":"like what, what we need the most from"},{"startTime":1628.504,"endTime":1630.454,"body":"other people is just someone that will."},{"startTime":1630.759,"endTime":1633.619,"body":"break our own inner narrative, like,"},{"startTime":1630.759,"endTime":1633.619,"body":"cause we're, you know, a lot of our"},{"startTime":1633.619,"endTime":1636.709,"body":"anxiety, I feel like for me, a lot"},{"startTime":1633.619,"endTime":1636.709,"body":"of my anxiety spirals out of control"},{"startTime":1636.709,"endTime":1640.779,"body":"when I, that those lies keep repeating"},{"startTime":1636.709,"endTime":1640.779,"body":"themselves in my own, in my head of like,"},{"startTime":1640.779,"endTime":1644.759,"body":"whatever I think it is or whatever it's"},{"startTime":1640.779,"endTime":1644.759,"body":"speaking to about fears of something"},{"startTime":1644.759,"endTime":1646.6789999999999,"body":"or whatever the, whatever the issue is."},{"startTime":1646.859,"endTime":1650.099,"body":"And in reality, Is any of that"},{"startTime":1646.859,"endTime":1650.099,"body":"stuff probably gonna happen?"},{"startTime":1650.109,"endTime":1650.479,"body":"No."},{"startTime":1650.9189999999999,"endTime":1652.989,"body":"And so having somebody else be like, What?"},{"startTime":1652.999,"endTime":1654.299,"body":"That's what you're No!"},{"startTime":1654.829,"endTime":1656.449,"body":"Like, why would you think"},{"startTime":1654.829,"endTime":1656.449,"body":"that's gonna happen?"},{"startTime":1656.449,"endTime":1658.569,"body":"You know, and like, just"},{"startTime":1656.449,"endTime":1658.569,"body":"hearing that, you're like, Ugh,"},{"startTime":1658.889,"endTime":1660.189,"body":"okay, maybe I'm overreacting."},{"startTime":1660.199,"endTime":1660.6589999999999,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1661.039,"endTime":1663.449,"body":"And that's, but that's like"},{"startTime":1661.039,"endTime":1663.449,"body":"everyday basic anxiety."},{"startTime":1663.449,"endTime":1664.869,"body":"That's not like trauma anxiety."},{"startTime":1664.9289999999999,"endTime":1665.309,"body":"Right."},{"startTime":1665.339,"endTime":1666.529,"body":"There's definitely a difference."},{"startTime":1666.889,"endTime":1669.139,"body":"Dude, have you seen Inside Out 2 yet?"},{"startTime":1669.479,"endTime":1670.149,"body":"I have not."},{"startTime":1670.629,"endTime":1671.519,"body":"Oh my god."},{"startTime":1672.229,"endTime":1675.639,"body":"I lost it when we went and took the"},{"startTime":1672.229,"endTime":1675.639,"body":"kids to the theater to watch it."},{"startTime":1676.129,"endTime":1679.599,"body":"I spent half the movie just"},{"startTime":1676.129,"endTime":1679.599,"body":"like tears rolling down my face."},{"startTime":1679.729,"endTime":1680.1689999999999,"body":"Yep."},{"startTime":1681.9289999999999,"endTime":1683.969,"body":"Because they introduce a new character."},{"startTime":1684.559,"endTime":1685.359,"body":"Hmm."},{"startTime":1686.439,"endTime":1687.599,"body":"Wonder what it is."},{"startTime":1687.619,"endTime":1688.029,"body":"Yep."},{"startTime":1688.319,"endTime":1692.639,"body":"And, oh man, so, so relatable."},{"startTime":1692.999,"endTime":1693.219,"body":"Hmm."},{"startTime":1694.344,"endTime":1695.2839999999999,"body":"It's so bad."},{"startTime":1695.934,"endTime":1696.5339999999999,"body":"Interesting."},{"startTime":1696.574,"endTime":1697.084,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1697.184,"endTime":1699.824,"body":"And it's just all about that fear"},{"startTime":1697.184,"endTime":1699.824,"body":"of the future, like what's going"},{"startTime":1699.824,"endTime":1702.964,"body":"to happen, and doing all these"},{"startTime":1699.824,"endTime":1702.964,"body":"calculations to try to figure it out"},{"startTime":1703.5339999999999,"endTime":1706.244,"body":"and then we just like fry our brains."},{"startTime":1706.644,"endTime":1707.0439999999999,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1707.204,"endTime":1707.714,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1708.104,"endTime":1711.474,"body":"And, and, and, and break"},{"startTime":1708.104,"endTime":1711.474,"body":"our own hearts, literally."},{"startTime":1712.0339999999999,"endTime":1712.834,"body":"Very physically."},{"startTime":1713.584,"endTime":1715.341,"body":"Um, Yeah, I mean, I need to watch it."},{"startTime":1715.3609999999999,"endTime":1717.001,"body":"I need to, I need to watch it for sure."},{"startTime":1717.181,"endTime":1720.953,"body":"It's been on my list, but it's"},{"startTime":1717.181,"endTime":1720.953,"body":"definitely a struggle feeling, afraid"},{"startTime":1720.953,"endTime":1722.623,"body":"of even dealing with the anxiety."},{"startTime":1722.623,"endTime":1727.45,"body":"I think it's just such a, it's such"},{"startTime":1722.623,"endTime":1727.45,"body":"a loop we can get into for ourselves"},{"startTime":1727.48,"endTime":1733.0249999999999,"body":"and, and feeling like, Dealing with"},{"startTime":1727.48,"endTime":1733.0249999999999,"body":"the anxiety makes us less than, I"},{"startTime":1733.0249999999999,"endTime":1735.125,"body":"think, is also like something for me."},{"startTime":1735.125,"endTime":1738.195,"body":"It's like, if I'm already thinking"},{"startTime":1735.125,"endTime":1738.195,"body":"about it as a weakness, then why would"},{"startTime":1738.195,"endTime":1741.405,"body":"I want to talk about it and bring"},{"startTime":1738.195,"endTime":1741.405,"body":"it up if it makes me look like I'm,"},{"startTime":1741.415,"endTime":1744.285,"body":"like, it makes me feel inadequate or"},{"startTime":1741.415,"endTime":1744.285,"body":"makes me feel like I'm not enough?"},{"startTime":1744.285,"endTime":1746.695,"body":"and that's definitely part of, part"},{"startTime":1744.285,"endTime":1746.695,"body":"of, I think, the fear of wanting"},{"startTime":1746.695,"endTime":1747.815,"body":"to even deal with the anxiety."},{"startTime":1747.835,"endTime":1749.955,"body":"Why would, why bury it to begin with?"},{"startTime":1749.995,"endTime":1753.375,"body":"And It's just like it tackles all of"},{"startTime":1749.995,"endTime":1753.375,"body":"those insecurities when you deal with"},{"startTime":1753.375,"endTime":1756.855,"body":"it because it's, I feel like it's like"},{"startTime":1753.375,"endTime":1756.855,"body":"a, you know, it's like a something"},{"startTime":1756.855,"endTime":1760.565,"body":"that's a center point that everything"},{"startTime":1756.855,"endTime":1760.565,"body":"comes like it all ties to that thing."},{"startTime":1760.575,"endTime":1763.489,"body":"Or at least it has like, it"},{"startTime":1760.575,"endTime":1763.489,"body":"has its own like arms and"},{"startTime":1763.489,"endTime":1764.549,"body":"everything, you know what I mean?"},{"startTime":1764.9189999999999,"endTime":1767.529,"body":"All these different buckets and"},{"startTime":1764.9189999999999,"endTime":1767.529,"body":"that kind of affects it, poisons the"},{"startTime":1767.529,"endTime":1768.899,"body":"water and the whole thing, right?"},{"startTime":1768.899,"endTime":1772.009,"body":"And so it's just like a, it's"},{"startTime":1768.899,"endTime":1772.009,"body":"like a cancer that just eats"},{"startTime":1772.009,"endTime":1773.9189999999999,"body":"through all of your emotions."},{"startTime":1775.299,"endTime":1776.469,"body":"Mmm, fun."},{"startTime":1776.579,"endTime":1777.019,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1779.269,"endTime":1781.439,"body":"But that, now, obviously I'm"},{"startTime":1779.269,"endTime":1781.439,"body":"talking more at that point."},{"startTime":1781.449,"endTime":1784.249,"body":"I mean, sure, everyday anxiety"},{"startTime":1781.449,"endTime":1784.249,"body":"maybe, but like, definitely,"},{"startTime":1784.819,"endTime":1787.949,"body":"like, anxiety that's stemming from"},{"startTime":1784.819,"endTime":1787.949,"body":"some type of trauma in your life."},{"startTime":1787.949,"endTime":1792.009,"body":"That is a, that's a completely"},{"startTime":1787.949,"endTime":1792.009,"body":"different beast that takes so much work."},{"startTime":1792.019,"endTime":1796.019,"body":"And, but like, if you don't, that"},{"startTime":1792.019,"endTime":1796.019,"body":"really, it really does eat away at you."},{"startTime":1796.029,"endTime":1799.509,"body":"Like, there's just so many parts of your"},{"startTime":1796.029,"endTime":1799.509,"body":"personality that don't get to flourish"},{"startTime":1799.529,"endTime":1803.479,"body":"because it's constantly having to put all"},{"startTime":1799.529,"endTime":1803.479,"body":"these resources into managing this thing."},{"startTime":1803.564,"endTime":1807.204,"body":"thing that you're trying to keep,"},{"startTime":1803.564,"endTime":1807.204,"body":"you know, captive and not let"},{"startTime":1807.204,"endTime":1808.754,"body":"it out of the, out of the box."},{"startTime":1808.774,"endTime":1810.174,"body":"It's like a Pandora's box, right?"},{"startTime":1810.29,"endTime":1814.4379999999999,"body":"I went to try this new, I"},{"startTime":1810.29,"endTime":1814.4379999999999,"body":"mean, new to me kind of thing."},{"startTime":1814.4479999999999,"endTime":1816.978,"body":"I would, I thought I was going"},{"startTime":1814.4479999999999,"endTime":1816.978,"body":"to a chiropractor and not"},{"startTime":1816.978,"endTime":1818.6979999999999,"body":"really being a chiropractor."},{"startTime":1819.4379999999999,"endTime":1821.598,"body":"And, uh, basically."},{"startTime":1822.003,"endTime":1828.8229999999999,"body":"I lay on this table and take deep breaths"},{"startTime":1822.003,"endTime":1828.8229999999999,"body":"and focus on my breath and then they come"},{"startTime":1828.8229999999999,"endTime":1835.3,"body":"and like do little, like minor stretches"},{"startTime":1828.8229999999999,"endTime":1835.3,"body":"and taps on my back and I'll roll over"},{"startTime":1835.3,"endTime":1837.05,"body":"the dude on my, on my ribcage too."},{"startTime":1837.57,"endTime":1842.82,"body":"And it's the way he explained it is"},{"startTime":1837.57,"endTime":1842.82,"body":"like bringing my awareness to these"},{"startTime":1842.82,"endTime":1847.69,"body":"places to let my body heal itself,"},{"startTime":1842.82,"endTime":1847.69,"body":"especially in the nervous system."},{"startTime":1849.92,"endTime":1855.69,"body":"You know I it sounded a little woo, but I"},{"startTime":1849.92,"endTime":1855.69,"body":"was open to it, and I definitely noticed"},{"startTime":1856.05,"endTime":1864.867,"body":"some shifts for me and Really how so"},{"startTime":1856.05,"endTime":1864.867,"body":"just not as on edge All the time now."},{"startTime":1864.877,"endTime":1868.737,"body":"It's hard because I was doing other"},{"startTime":1864.877,"endTime":1868.737,"body":"things at the same time sure so you"},{"startTime":1868.737,"endTime":1872.507,"body":"don't know what it was Yeah, I don't"},{"startTime":1868.737,"endTime":1872.507,"body":"know exactly what it was I, I do know"},{"startTime":1872.507,"endTime":1875.057,"body":"that my body's kind of craving it."},{"startTime":1875.2269999999999,"endTime":1875.857,"body":"I can tell."},{"startTime":1876.157,"endTime":1878.417,"body":"Like, when I think about it, it's"},{"startTime":1876.157,"endTime":1878.417,"body":"like, I need to do that again."},{"startTime":1878.607,"endTime":1878.877,"body":"Oh."},{"startTime":1878.927,"endTime":1880.137,"body":"Like my body's telling me that."},{"startTime":1880.177,"endTime":1880.507,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1880.557,"endTime":1881.867,"body":"So, maybe there is something to it."},{"startTime":1881.867,"endTime":1882.167,"body":"I don't know."},{"startTime":1882.377,"endTime":1882.597,"body":"Well,"},{"startTime":1882.597,"endTime":1886.397,"body":"I think about, like, The all those"},{"startTime":1882.597,"endTime":1886.397,"body":"studies that came out about like we like"},{"startTime":1886.397,"endTime":1889.867,"body":"tapping on your face to relieve anxiety"},{"startTime":1886.397,"endTime":1889.867,"body":"and your forehead like there's pressure"},{"startTime":1889.867,"endTime":1893.157,"body":"points in Your forehead for sure, but"},{"startTime":1889.867,"endTime":1893.157,"body":"like I don't know about yeah There's"},{"startTime":1893.157,"endTime":1896.907,"body":"like there's a it's a it's some kind of"},{"startTime":1893.157,"endTime":1896.907,"body":"an exercise that you can do that when"},{"startTime":1896.907,"endTime":1900.047,"body":"you're feeling anxiety because they teach"},{"startTime":1896.907,"endTime":1900.047,"body":"children This about like tapping it's"},{"startTime":1900.047,"endTime":1903.337,"body":"like tapping on your forehead and your"},{"startTime":1900.047,"endTime":1903.337,"body":"cheekbones and like around this part of"},{"startTime":1903.337,"endTime":1907.022,"body":"your face And it's supposed to like drop"},{"startTime":1903.337,"endTime":1907.022,"body":"your blood pressure and relieve anxiety."},{"startTime":1907.072,"endTime":1907.392,"body":"Huh."},{"startTime":1907.432,"endTime":1910.212,"body":"And it also helps you to focus and"},{"startTime":1907.432,"endTime":1910.212,"body":"like, there's all these things that"},{"startTime":1910.212,"endTime":1913.322,"body":"it, it, all these benefits to it"},{"startTime":1910.212,"endTime":1913.322,"body":"that supposedly is what they say."},{"startTime":1913.3319999999999,"endTime":1916.252,"body":"And, but it's like a pretty"},{"startTime":1913.3319999999999,"endTime":1916.252,"body":"common practice, I think."},{"startTime":1916.302,"endTime":1920.252,"body":"And so it's like, not, it's not as"},{"startTime":1916.302,"endTime":1920.252,"body":"like out there woo woo as anymore"},{"startTime":1920.252,"endTime":1922.432,"body":"as it, as it maybe was at one point."},{"startTime":1922.432,"endTime":1925.192,"body":"But, cause I've heard about"},{"startTime":1922.432,"endTime":1925.192,"body":"it from multiple places now."},{"startTime":1925.232,"endTime":1929.1019999999999,"body":"And And I've always kind of like, tried"},{"startTime":1925.232,"endTime":1929.1019999999999,"body":"it, you know, like see what it does."},{"startTime":1929.122,"endTime":1933.752,"body":"And it is something about bringing your"},{"startTime":1929.122,"endTime":1933.752,"body":"attention to something and focusing on it."},{"startTime":1934.522,"endTime":1936.642,"body":"Kind of makes everything"},{"startTime":1934.522,"endTime":1936.642,"body":"else fade a little."},{"startTime":1936.692,"endTime":1940.3319999999999,"body":"And like, and, and, and so at the very"},{"startTime":1936.692,"endTime":1940.3319999999999,"body":"least for me, it's almost just like"},{"startTime":1940.3319999999999,"endTime":1944.362,"body":"a centering exercise where it's kind"},{"startTime":1940.3319999999999,"endTime":1944.362,"body":"of like, if you do do something like"},{"startTime":1944.362,"endTime":1947.1019999999999,"body":"that, I think it does kind of like"},{"startTime":1944.362,"endTime":1947.1019999999999,"body":"help center you at the very least."},{"startTime":1948.052,"endTime":1948.3519999999999,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1948.3519999999999,"endTime":1953.3519999999999,"body":"There's something about when your out"},{"startTime":1948.3519999999999,"endTime":1953.3519999999999,"body":"breath is longer than your in breath."},{"startTime":1954.232,"endTime":1959.501,"body":"Like, you can't be in that sort of"},{"startTime":1954.232,"endTime":1959.501,"body":"panic state, like your body won't"},{"startTime":1959.501,"endTime":1962.21,"body":"let you when you, you slow down your"},{"startTime":1959.501,"endTime":1962.21,"body":"breathing, but there's something"},{"startTime":1962.21,"endTime":1965.58,"body":"about your, your exhale being a"},{"startTime":1962.21,"endTime":1965.58,"body":"little bit longer than your inhale."},{"startTime":1965.8799999999999,"endTime":1966.24,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1966.3,"endTime":1968.97,"body":"And that's one of the things that"},{"startTime":1966.3,"endTime":1968.97,"body":"they would have me do when I'm on"},{"startTime":1968.97,"endTime":1971.08,"body":"the, on the bench or on the table."},{"startTime":1971.449,"endTime":1974.584,"body":"And it's supposed to kind of get"},{"startTime":1971.449,"endTime":1974.584,"body":"you into that, like, They kept using"},{"startTime":1974.584,"endTime":1976.5439999999999,"body":"the word parasympathetic state."},{"startTime":1977.584,"endTime":1980.564,"body":"So I like that kind of"},{"startTime":1977.584,"endTime":1980.564,"body":"almost theta brainwave state."},{"startTime":1980.704,"endTime":1981.0439999999999,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":1981.0539999999999,"endTime":1981.83,"body":"Um, Yeah."},{"startTime":1981.83,"endTime":1984.17,"body":"So I've also been doing Wim Hof."},{"startTime":1984.99,"endTime":1986.84,"body":"So, you know, I've been"},{"startTime":1984.99,"endTime":1986.84,"body":"doing, what is that?"},{"startTime":1987.0,"endTime":1991.25,"body":"So it's, uh, well, technically that's"},{"startTime":1987.0,"endTime":1991.25,"body":"a guy's name, but he developed, he"},{"startTime":1991.62,"endTime":1993.06,"body":"developed this breathing technique."},{"startTime":1993.62,"endTime":1996.76,"body":"And I do that before I do cold plunging,"},{"startTime":1993.62,"endTime":1996.76,"body":"which I've been doing a lot of lately."},{"startTime":1997.54,"endTime":2005.74,"body":"And so basically you do 30 breaths"},{"startTime":1997.54,"endTime":2005.74,"body":"where you inhale really deeply and then"},{"startTime":2005.74,"endTime":2008.08,"body":"just kind of like relax and let it out."},{"startTime":2008.08,"endTime":2008.96,"body":"Don't try to push it out."},{"startTime":2009.6,"endTime":2009.84,"body":"Okay."},{"startTime":2009.8899999999999,"endTime":2012.6,"body":"And you do that 30 times in"},{"startTime":2009.8899999999999,"endTime":2012.6,"body":"kind of rapid succession."},{"startTime":2012.8,"endTime":2013.16,"body":"Mm"},{"startTime":2013.27,"endTime":2013.28,"body":"hmm."},{"startTime":2013.28,"endTime":2013.6299999999999,"body":"All right?"},{"startTime":2013.68,"endTime":2018.6,"body":"And then you, on the, on the"},{"startTime":2013.68,"endTime":2018.6,"body":"last one, you exhale all the way."},{"startTime":2018.98,"endTime":2022.18,"body":"Mm. And then you hold your"},{"startTime":2018.98,"endTime":2022.18,"body":"breath for as long as you can."},{"startTime":2022.27,"endTime":2022.6399999999999,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":2022.751,"endTime":2026.001,"body":"And I've gotten up to"},{"startTime":2022.751,"endTime":2026.001,"body":"like a minute and a half."},{"startTime":2026.451,"endTime":2026.961,"body":"Holding"},{"startTime":2027.031,"endTime":2027.651,"body":"out your breath."},{"startTime":2027.651,"endTime":2027.991,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":2028.716,"endTime":2029.4759999999999,"body":"Exhale is crazy."},{"startTime":2029.506,"endTime":2031.146,"body":"Like no oxygen in your body."},{"startTime":2031.686,"endTime":2034.126,"body":"Well, you do, you do have"},{"startTime":2031.686,"endTime":2034.126,"body":"a lot of my breath in."},{"startTime":2034.296,"endTime":2035.616,"body":"Yeah, you do have a lot."},{"startTime":2035.681,"endTime":2038.211,"body":"Because of how you've been"},{"startTime":2035.681,"endTime":2038.211,"body":"doing those breaths beforehand."},{"startTime":2038.231,"endTime":2040.931,"body":"Oh, but you're not taking any in."},{"startTime":2040.931,"endTime":2042.561,"body":"So you're just and is it"},{"startTime":2042.561,"endTime":2044.751,"body":"just like absorbing the"},{"startTime":2042.561,"endTime":2044.751,"body":"oxygen is what is what it is?"},{"startTime":2044.751,"endTime":2046.331,"body":"Like, I don't know what's going"},{"startTime":2046.471,"endTime":2046.761,"body":"on."},{"startTime":2047.131,"endTime":2048.141,"body":"It's kind of strange, but"},{"startTime":2048.141,"endTime":2050.6710000000003,"body":"I could think like if you're doing it"},{"startTime":2048.141,"endTime":2050.6710000000003,"body":"really fast, maybe it's like a way of like"},{"startTime":2050.6710000000003,"endTime":2052.121,"body":"getting it in your bloodstream, maybe."},{"startTime":2052.8,"endTime":2054.3,"body":"there's oxygen in your"},{"startTime":2052.8,"endTime":2054.3,"body":"blood, but not in your lungs."},{"startTime":2054.3,"endTime":2054.6600000000003,"body":"I guess."},{"startTime":2056.175,"endTime":2061.875,"body":"And then and then after you kind"},{"startTime":2056.175,"endTime":2061.875,"body":"of hit Where you can't hold it"},{"startTime":2061.875,"endTime":2067.815,"body":"anymore, you take a big breath in"},{"startTime":2061.875,"endTime":2067.815,"body":"and hold that for like 15 20 seconds."},{"startTime":2068.065,"endTime":2070.105,"body":"And then you squeeze your whole"},{"startTime":2068.065,"endTime":2070.105,"body":"body while you're doing it."},{"startTime":2070.635,"endTime":2072.835,"body":"And then you just relax."},{"startTime":2073.335,"endTime":2076.135,"body":"And so that's one round and"},{"startTime":2073.335,"endTime":2076.135,"body":"you do that three times."},{"startTime":2076.425,"endTime":2076.8450000000003,"body":"Wow."},{"startTime":2076.905,"endTime":2082.995,"body":"And by the end, it's like, I feel"},{"startTime":2076.905,"endTime":2082.995,"body":"like I'm on something like I, I am"},{"startTime":2083.005,"endTime":2085.995,"body":"like seeing spots, but I'm like,"},{"startTime":2083.005,"endTime":2085.995,"body":"I'm like tingles all over my body."},{"startTime":2086.225,"endTime":2086.495,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":2086.495,"endTime":2091.3450000000003,"body":"But it's just this like such relaxed,"},{"startTime":2086.495,"endTime":2091.3450000000003,"body":"almost high kind of a feeling"},{"startTime":2091.795,"endTime":2093.085,"body":"like reset your nervous system."},{"startTime":2093.405,"endTime":2094.315,"body":"It feels like it."},{"startTime":2094.315,"endTime":2094.6650000000004,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":2094.675,"endTime":2095.375,"body":"That's what it sounds like."},{"startTime":2095.405,"endTime":2095.9150000000004,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":2095.985,"endTime":2099.3900000000003,"body":"And, and so when I, then when I"},{"startTime":2095.985,"endTime":2099.3900000000003,"body":"get in the ice, I think it's not"},{"startTime":2099.3900000000003,"endTime":2101.1400000000003,"body":"quite as a shock to my system."},{"startTime":2101.2200000000003,"endTime":2102.6600000000003,"body":"I mean, it's still, it still sucks."},{"startTime":2102.84,"endTime":2103.15,"body":"Sure."},{"startTime":2103.8900000000003,"endTime":2104.82,"body":"But it's, yeah."},{"startTime":2105.01,"endTime":2107.0800000000004,"body":"You know, your funny thing,"},{"startTime":2105.01,"endTime":2107.0800000000004,"body":"how I learned about this."},{"startTime":2107.1200000000003,"endTime":2111.1800000000003,"body":"So there's a guy that he was, he was"},{"startTime":2107.1200000000003,"endTime":2111.1800000000003,"body":"a contestant on survivor a few seasons"},{"startTime":2111.1800000000003,"endTime":2115.94,"body":"ago and I followed him on Instagram and"},{"startTime":2111.1800000000003,"endTime":2115.94,"body":"found out after the season was over and"},{"startTime":2115.94,"endTime":2118.8700000000003,"body":"everything because he would get all the"},{"startTime":2115.94,"endTime":2118.8700000000003,"body":"contestants from that season together"},{"startTime":2118.8700000000003,"endTime":2122.1600000000003,"body":"and he would do this but apparently he"},{"startTime":2118.8700000000003,"endTime":2122.1600000000003,"body":"had taught classes on exactly this like"},{"startTime":2122.1600000000003,"endTime":2125.09,"body":"so I remembered him talking about the"},{"startTime":2122.1600000000003,"endTime":2125.09,"body":"breathing that the whole exercise and"},{"startTime":2125.09,"endTime":2128.6800000000003,"body":"then plunging right after and so it's"},{"startTime":2125.09,"endTime":2128.6800000000003,"body":"exactly that thing whatever this thing"},{"startTime":2128.6800000000003,"endTime":2131.77,"body":"is and so that's the first time I ever"},{"startTime":2128.6800000000003,"endTime":2131.77,"body":"heard about it and I thought that sounds"},{"startTime":2131.77,"endTime":2135.65,"body":"crazy and then the more I saw his videos"},{"startTime":2131.77,"endTime":2135.65,"body":"on it I was like I kind of want to try"},{"startTime":2135.65,"endTime":2140.1800000000003,"body":"it now it sounds really interesting so"},{"startTime":2135.65,"endTime":2140.1800000000003,"body":"yeah that is it is really fascinating"},{"startTime":2140.1800000000003,"endTime":2141.48,"body":"that it would you That it would work."},{"startTime":2141.48,"endTime":2144.34,"body":"I would love to experience"},{"startTime":2141.48,"endTime":2144.34,"body":"that because I hate the cold."},{"startTime":2144.3900000000003,"endTime":2145.1800000000003,"body":"Like I hate it."},{"startTime":2145.2000000000003,"endTime":2148.0,"body":"It makes me It makes me angry."},{"startTime":2148.0,"endTime":2151.1600000000003,"body":"Like I just have like a I want to throw"},{"startTime":2148.0,"endTime":2151.1600000000003,"body":"things like I just don't like cold"},{"startTime":2151.1600000000003,"endTime":2156.55,"body":"water And so the thought of doing it you"},{"startTime":2151.1600000000003,"endTime":2156.55,"body":"gotta come try man I yeah, I do and but"},{"startTime":2156.55,"endTime":2160.3,"body":"the thought of doing it as a as a part"},{"startTime":2156.55,"endTime":2160.3,"body":"of the experience from the breathing"},{"startTime":2160.3,"endTime":2163.3300000000004,"body":"too I think would be that's like an"},{"startTime":2160.3,"endTime":2163.3300000000004,"body":"interesting experiment out together."},{"startTime":2163.3300000000004,"endTime":2164.15,"body":"I just want to see how it feels."},{"startTime":2164.1600000000003,"endTime":2164.51,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":2164.6600000000003,"endTime":2164.94,"body":"Yeah"},{"startTime":2369.543,"endTime":2369.8230000000003,"body":"Okay."},{"startTime":2369.8230000000003,"endTime":2373.4900000000002,"body":"So we've talked about what"},{"startTime":2369.8230000000003,"endTime":2373.4900000000002,"body":"it feels like to really feel"},{"startTime":2373.4900000000002,"endTime":2375.4700000000003,"body":"anxiety and be very anxious."},{"startTime":2376.26,"endTime":2378.28,"body":"Not want to deal with it and"},{"startTime":2376.26,"endTime":2378.28,"body":"not want to deal with it."},{"startTime":2378.9840000000004,"endTime":2384.744,"body":"what are some experiences you've"},{"startTime":2378.9840000000004,"endTime":2384.744,"body":"had where you've noticed the anxiety"},{"startTime":2385.099,"endTime":2387.559,"body":"Not be there or be so diminished."},{"startTime":2387.559,"endTime":2388.739,"body":"It's not really an issue."},{"startTime":2389.929,"endTime":2391.049,"body":"What does that feel like for you?"},{"startTime":2391.739,"endTime":2393.659,"body":"What are you able to, to do in that state?"},{"startTime":2393.9190000000003,"endTime":2394.969,"body":"I don't know how to talk about it."},{"startTime":2397.009,"endTime":2402.409,"body":"Well, anytime I've ever taken THC"},{"startTime":2397.009,"endTime":2402.409,"body":"or shrooms, I feel zero anxiety."},{"startTime":2402.779,"endTime":2405.7690000000002,"body":"And honestly, shrooms was the"},{"startTime":2402.779,"endTime":2405.7690000000002,"body":"best experience because I felt"},{"startTime":2405.7690000000002,"endTime":2407.4790000000003,"body":"no anxiety for days afterwards."},{"startTime":2407.529,"endTime":2411.619,"body":"It's like, and I've, I've read studies"},{"startTime":2407.529,"endTime":2411.619,"body":"on how psychologists and doctors are"},{"startTime":2411.619,"endTime":2417.079,"body":"starting to use like the, a pill form"},{"startTime":2411.619,"endTime":2417.079,"body":"of shrooms, all natural to microdose"},{"startTime":2417.099,"endTime":2418.6690000000003,"body":"so small, you don't feel any psych."},{"startTime":2418.824,"endTime":2422.9440000000004,"body":"Psychoactive effects, but you, it,"},{"startTime":2418.824,"endTime":2422.9440000000004,"body":"it reduces anxiety and makes you,"},{"startTime":2423.0240000000003,"endTime":2427.784,"body":"uh, it puts you into a state in which"},{"startTime":2423.0240000000003,"endTime":2427.784,"body":"you are much more able to handle"},{"startTime":2427.7940000000003,"endTime":2431.514,"body":"emotions and actually feel them and"},{"startTime":2427.7940000000003,"endTime":2431.514,"body":"deal with them and, and explore them."},{"startTime":2431.514,"endTime":2436.5640000000003,"body":"And so, it makes sense perfectly that that"},{"startTime":2431.514,"endTime":2436.5640000000003,"body":"would happen, but you know, it's funny."},{"startTime":2436.6240000000003,"endTime":2439.8940000000002,"body":"I think about there's, there's"},{"startTime":2436.6240000000003,"endTime":2439.8940000000002,"body":"random times in my life that"},{"startTime":2439.8940000000002,"endTime":2442.2740000000003,"body":"I remember feeling no anxiety."},{"startTime":2442.7340000000004,"endTime":2448.235,"body":"One of them was one of them was I'll go,"},{"startTime":2442.7340000000004,"endTime":2448.235,"body":"I'll go in chronological order, go back to"},{"startTime":2448.235,"endTime":2453.824,"body":"a few years ago, I was kayaking down One"},{"startTime":2448.235,"endTime":2453.824,"body":"of the main rivers, the Koei river here."},{"startTime":2453.824,"endTime":2457.1290000000004,"body":"And we were kind of kayaking"},{"startTime":2453.824,"endTime":2457.1290000000004,"body":"and just floating down really."},{"startTime":2457.1290000000004,"endTime":2460.829,"body":"And there was a point in which I,"},{"startTime":2457.1290000000004,"endTime":2460.829,"body":"for whatever reason I was in the"},{"startTime":2460.829,"endTime":2464.4590000000003,"body":"water, I think I was just hanging"},{"startTime":2460.829,"endTime":2464.4590000000003,"body":"onto a tube and Madison had, she"},{"startTime":2464.4590000000003,"endTime":2468.5890000000004,"body":"was in his kayak and just pulling"},{"startTime":2464.4590000000003,"endTime":2468.5890000000004,"body":"me and I was like, this is the best."},{"startTime":2471.289,"endTime":2473.549,"body":"And so I was just"},{"startTime":2471.289,"endTime":2473.549,"body":"floating and it's so deep."},{"startTime":2473.639,"endTime":2476.2090000000003,"body":"And so where we were, and so I remember"},{"startTime":2473.639,"endTime":2476.2090000000003,"body":"there was this point where all the"},{"startTime":2476.2090000000003,"endTime":2480.744,"body":"trees were like, coming up over the,"},{"startTime":2476.2090000000003,"endTime":2480.744,"body":"the you know, the river and it was"},{"startTime":2480.744,"endTime":2483.8940000000002,"body":"just like shaded and it was really hot"},{"startTime":2480.744,"endTime":2483.8940000000002,"body":"out, but the water was really cold."},{"startTime":2483.914,"endTime":2488.2940000000003,"body":"And, uh, it was just this experience of"},{"startTime":2483.914,"endTime":2488.2940000000003,"body":"like euphoric, like it's so much so that"},{"startTime":2488.3140000000003,"endTime":2491.5040000000004,"body":"it, it, my, I knew it's like, you've"},{"startTime":2488.3140000000003,"endTime":2491.5040000000004,"body":"ever, you've ever been in a moment where"},{"startTime":2491.5040000000004,"endTime":2494.6040000000003,"body":"like, you know, your brain's writing it"},{"startTime":2491.5040000000004,"endTime":2494.6040000000003,"body":"as a core memory when it's happening."},{"startTime":2494.824,"endTime":2495.8540000000003,"body":"That's what I felt like."},{"startTime":2495.864,"endTime":2499.5040000000004,"body":"And I think whenever that happens, for"},{"startTime":2495.864,"endTime":2499.5040000000004,"body":"the most part, it's usually in those"},{"startTime":2499.9440000000004,"endTime":2505.8540000000003,"body":"This almost euphoric moments where you're"},{"startTime":2499.9440000000004,"endTime":2505.8540000000003,"body":"just so relaxed and also so present like"},{"startTime":2505.8540000000003,"endTime":2510.184,"body":"you just you're able to take in that"},{"startTime":2505.8540000000003,"endTime":2510.184,"body":"information and and And absorb it without"},{"startTime":2510.1940000000004,"endTime":2513.864,"body":"over processing and you're just in the"},{"startTime":2510.1940000000004,"endTime":2513.864,"body":"moment You're just there and granted I've"},{"startTime":2513.864,"endTime":2518.414,"body":"probably had to eat my body at that point"},{"startTime":2513.864,"endTime":2518.414,"body":"too But it's there's something about it"},{"startTime":2518.424,"endTime":2524.3390000000004,"body":"that like those moments that Always stick"},{"startTime":2518.424,"endTime":2524.3390000000004,"body":"in my brain and another one was on my"},{"startTime":2524.349,"endTime":2525.699,"body":"bachelor trip when we were at the beach."},{"startTime":2525.7090000000003,"endTime":2528.179,"body":"Yeah, lo fi beats just"},{"startTime":2525.7090000000003,"endTime":2528.179,"body":"playing in the speakers."},{"startTime":2528.789,"endTime":2532.179,"body":"It was cool It wasn't too hot"},{"startTime":2528.789,"endTime":2532.179,"body":"But we were just all hanging"},{"startTime":2532.179,"endTime":2533.289,"body":"out and just sitting there"},{"startTime":2533.3190000000004,"endTime":2533.909,"body":"best"},{"startTime":2534.4390000000003,"endTime":2535.4390000000003,"body":"Yeah, it was the best."},{"startTime":2535.4390000000003,"endTime":2536.579,"body":"It was THC that time too."},{"startTime":2536.6490000000003,"endTime":2541.099,"body":"Yeah But Yeah, you know and it's"},{"startTime":2536.6490000000003,"endTime":2541.099,"body":"like they're in in those moments."},{"startTime":2541.389,"endTime":2546.219,"body":"I long for those moments like yeah, oh"},{"startTime":2541.389,"endTime":2546.219,"body":"my god I do find that they seem to happen"},{"startTime":2546.299,"endTime":2551.679,"body":"more often now But I think it's because"},{"startTime":2546.299,"endTime":2551.679,"body":"I there are times where I can I can get"},{"startTime":2551.679,"endTime":2553.079,"body":"you just you're just high all the time"},{"startTime":2555.219,"endTime":2557.549,"body":"No It doesn't hurt."},{"startTime":2558.039,"endTime":2564.279,"body":"No, I It's being conscious of those"},{"startTime":2558.039,"endTime":2564.279,"body":"moments and be well being able to be"},{"startTime":2564.279,"endTime":2568.574,"body":"present enough to acknowledge You When"},{"startTime":2564.279,"endTime":2568.574,"body":"you can like when to feel those moments"},{"startTime":2568.574,"endTime":2572.3740000000003,"body":"And I think that the more the more where"},{"startTime":2568.574,"endTime":2572.3740000000003,"body":"you are the more those moments will"},{"startTime":2572.3740000000003,"endTime":2577.5840000000003,"body":"happen because it's there's a certain"},{"startTime":2572.3740000000003,"endTime":2577.5840000000003,"body":"Gratefulness for life and for living that"},{"startTime":2577.5840000000003,"endTime":2582.0840000000003,"body":"comes with those moments, and I think"},{"startTime":2577.5840000000003,"endTime":2582.0840000000003,"body":"that I've been feeling that a lot more"},{"startTime":2582.8140000000003,"endTime":2586.1440000000002,"body":"especially as I get older and you just"},{"startTime":2582.8140000000003,"endTime":2586.1440000000002,"body":"think about aging and how life is you"},{"startTime":2586.1440000000002,"endTime":2591.4350000000004,"body":"start thinking about Kind of what life is"},{"startTime":2586.1440000000002,"endTime":2591.4350000000004,"body":"and how to be appreciative of it and to be"},{"startTime":2591.4350000000004,"endTime":2595.3250000000003,"body":"grateful for the people in your life and"},{"startTime":2591.4350000000004,"endTime":2595.3250000000003,"body":"your life and everything good in your life"},{"startTime":2595.3450000000003,"endTime":2601.145,"body":"kind of helps me to Kind of help those"},{"startTime":2595.3450000000003,"endTime":2601.145,"body":"anxious feelings subside on their own."},{"startTime":2601.625,"endTime":2604.6150000000002,"body":"And then I can take in that"},{"startTime":2601.625,"endTime":2604.6150000000002,"body":"information and just be in the"},{"startTime":2604.6150000000002,"endTime":2606.315,"body":"moment and enjoy it for what it is."},{"startTime":2606.335,"endTime":2608.2980000000002,"body":"And yeah, it's hard to do though."},{"startTime":2608.308,"endTime":2611.4880000000003,"body":"Like it sounds like a guru type"},{"startTime":2608.308,"endTime":2611.4880000000003,"body":"thing, but, and I definitely"},{"startTime":2611.4880000000003,"endTime":2612.4680000000003,"body":"can't do it all the time."},{"startTime":2612.4680000000003,"endTime":2616.358,"body":"So like, let's not set me up to be"},{"startTime":2612.4680000000003,"endTime":2616.358,"body":"a guru, but nobody was doing that."},{"startTime":2620.623,"endTime":2621.9030000000002,"body":"Okay, I'm glad, I'm glad."},{"startTime":2625.7230000000004,"endTime":2626.4730000000004,"body":"Oh, that was good."},{"startTime":2627.5930000000003,"endTime":2633.7400000000002,"body":"You know, the first time I remember"},{"startTime":2627.5930000000003,"endTime":2633.7400000000002,"body":"experiencing this was the night that"},{"startTime":2633.84,"endTime":2635.6270000000004,"body":"Amy was in labor with our first."},{"startTime":2635.827,"endTime":2636.637,"body":"Wow, okay."},{"startTime":2636.927,"endTime":2639.507,"body":"Because we, you know,"},{"startTime":2636.927,"endTime":2639.507,"body":"I was her birth coach."},{"startTime":2639.587,"endTime":2644.087,"body":"I was, we got there and"},{"startTime":2639.587,"endTime":2644.087,"body":"like to the birthing center."},{"startTime":2644.201,"endTime":2647.001,"body":"And it was because we really wanted"},{"startTime":2644.201,"endTime":2647.001,"body":"to have the baby in the birthing"},{"startTime":2647.001,"endTime":2648.1310000000003,"body":"center and not in the hospital."},{"startTime":2648.7110000000002,"endTime":2652.3810000000003,"body":"And they were kind of"},{"startTime":2648.7110000000002,"endTime":2652.3810000000003,"body":"attached to a hospital."},{"startTime":2652.411,"endTime":2657.161,"body":"And the policy was that like 41"},{"startTime":2652.411,"endTime":2657.161,"body":"weeks and five, so 41 weeks and"},{"startTime":2657.161,"endTime":2659.521,"body":"six days, like that's your limit."},{"startTime":2659.521,"endTime":2661.641,"body":"If you go to 42 weeks, like"},{"startTime":2659.521,"endTime":2661.641,"body":"you have to go to the hospital."},{"startTime":2661.641,"endTime":2665.3860000000004,"body":"And we were at 41 weeks."},{"startTime":2665.7960000000003,"endTime":2671.186,"body":"Weeks, six days in the evening when"},{"startTime":2665.7960000000003,"endTime":2671.186,"body":"we we drove to the birth center"},{"startTime":2671.1960000000004,"endTime":2672.366,"body":"because she had started labor"},{"startTime":2672.4060000000004,"endTime":2673.896,"body":"So if it had happened eight hours"},{"startTime":2673.896,"endTime":2674.146,"body":"later"},{"startTime":2676.7560000000003,"endTime":2679.456,"body":"Yeah, that's crazy we're doing all"},{"startTime":2676.7560000000003,"endTime":2679.456,"body":"the tricks to try to get that thing"},{"startTime":2679.456,"endTime":2684.0060000000003,"body":"started Yeah, and we we went to so we"},{"startTime":2679.456,"endTime":2684.0060000000003,"body":"went to the birth center and we got"},{"startTime":2684.0060000000003,"endTime":2688.791,"body":"there and she was only one centimeter"},{"startTime":2684.0060000000003,"endTime":2688.791,"body":"And the midwife, normally they probably"},{"startTime":2688.791,"endTime":2692.0110000000004,"body":"would have sent us home, but she knew"},{"startTime":2688.791,"endTime":2692.0110000000004,"body":"that like we were at that deadline."},{"startTime":2692.0110000000004,"endTime":2695.891,"body":"So she let us stay like this just"},{"startTime":2692.0110000000004,"endTime":2695.891,"body":"to kind of see if it would progress."},{"startTime":2696.4210000000003,"endTime":2698.4990000000003,"body":"And, we did really well."},{"startTime":2698.529,"endTime":2703.1090000000004,"body":"And so, but it was just me"},{"startTime":2698.529,"endTime":2703.1090000000004,"body":"and Amy in a dimly lit room."},{"startTime":2703.349,"endTime":2707.3680000000004,"body":"The midwife came and checked on us maybe"},{"startTime":2703.349,"endTime":2707.3680000000004,"body":"once an hour, but from, I don't know,"},{"startTime":2707.3680000000004,"endTime":2714.889,"body":"like 11 o'clock at night until like"},{"startTime":2707.3680000000004,"endTime":2714.889,"body":"6, 630 ish in the morning we labored"},{"startTime":2714.889,"endTime":2717.8970000000004,"body":"together, you know, I was with her"},{"startTime":2714.889,"endTime":2717.8970000000004,"body":"and I was, you know, holding her and"},{"startTime":2717.8970000000004,"endTime":2720.5370000000003,"body":"helping her get into different positions"},{"startTime":2717.8970000000004,"endTime":2720.5370000000003,"body":"and putting pressure on her back."},{"startTime":2720.5370000000003,"endTime":2723.967,"body":"She had a really bad back labor"},{"startTime":2720.5370000000003,"endTime":2723.967,"body":"and it was just like, And, and"},{"startTime":2724.657,"endTime":2728.577,"body":"her, her contractions they, they"},{"startTime":2724.657,"endTime":2728.577,"body":"started at like three minutes apart."},{"startTime":2728.657,"endTime":2733.4570000000003,"body":"Like they, they didn't, they didn't"},{"startTime":2728.657,"endTime":2733.4570000000003,"body":"like increase really in that regard."},{"startTime":2733.4570000000003,"endTime":2734.817,"body":"They just increased in intensity."},{"startTime":2735.2070000000003,"endTime":2738.1670000000004,"body":"So it was just like, For like eight hours."},{"startTime":2738.3650000000002,"endTime":2741.775,"body":"She was every three minutes two to three"},{"startTime":2738.3650000000002,"endTime":2741.775,"body":"minutes She was having these like really"},{"startTime":2741.775,"endTime":2745.675,"body":"really bad contractions great back labor"},{"startTime":2741.775,"endTime":2745.675,"body":"and everything and it was yeah And so I"},{"startTime":2745.675,"endTime":2752.84,"body":"was like with her in that and it was this"},{"startTime":2745.675,"endTime":2752.84,"body":"very primal experience Hmm, and that was"},{"startTime":2752.84,"endTime":2758.8100000000004,"body":"the first time I really remember Being"},{"startTime":2752.84,"endTime":2758.8100000000004,"body":"in the moment being present Being in"},{"startTime":2758.8100000000004,"endTime":2761.17,"body":"my body for a sustained period of time."},{"startTime":2761.3300000000004,"endTime":2761.69,"body":"Yeah"},{"startTime":2761.7520000000004,"endTime":2767.762,"body":"And and it was and it felt"},{"startTime":2761.7520000000004,"endTime":2767.762,"body":"amazing and then One of the nurses"},{"startTime":2767.7720000000004,"endTime":2769.072,"body":"just like completely ruined it."},{"startTime":2769.1620000000003,"endTime":2775.1980000000003,"body":"I was so upset because I had like Amy"},{"startTime":2769.1620000000003,"endTime":2775.1980000000003,"body":"wanted it filmed and so I had set up"},{"startTime":2775.268,"endTime":2779.2000000000003,"body":"my brother's GoPro And I didn't have,"},{"startTime":2775.268,"endTime":2779.2000000000003,"body":"um, I like, I never used one before."},{"startTime":2779.6200000000003,"endTime":2783.48,"body":"And I didn't know how long the battery"},{"startTime":2779.6200000000003,"endTime":2783.48,"body":"lasted and it barely lasted at all."},{"startTime":2783.9300000000003,"endTime":2786.9010000000003,"body":"And so when it was time to start"},{"startTime":2783.9300000000003,"endTime":2786.9010000000003,"body":"pushing, like I went to go try"},{"startTime":2786.9010000000003,"endTime":2788.971,"body":"to turn it on and it was dead."},{"startTime":2789.001,"endTime":2789.3210000000004,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":2789.561,"endTime":2794.471,"body":"And so then I tried to, so then I'm"},{"startTime":2789.561,"endTime":2794.471,"body":"like panicking because I knew this was"},{"startTime":2794.471,"endTime":2797.271,"body":"important and I didn't have a backup plan."},{"startTime":2797.5510000000004,"endTime":2800.641,"body":"And so I like propped my phone"},{"startTime":2797.5510000000004,"endTime":2800.641,"body":"up on the counter and hit record."},{"startTime":2800.7520000000004,"endTime":2804.8920000000003,"body":"And in that there were a couple"},{"startTime":2800.7520000000004,"endTime":2804.8920000000003,"body":"of interactions with this nurse"},{"startTime":2804.9120000000003,"endTime":2810.782,"body":"where so I had taken my phone out"},{"startTime":2804.9120000000003,"endTime":2810.782,"body":"to start videoing and, and stuff."},{"startTime":2810.822,"endTime":2815.433,"body":"And, but I only did it because I knew that"},{"startTime":2810.822,"endTime":2815.433,"body":"Amy wanted me to do it, but it looked as"},{"startTime":2815.433,"endTime":2821.1130000000003,"body":"if I was leaving my wife in labor to try"},{"startTime":2815.433,"endTime":2821.1130000000003,"body":"to take like, like mess with my phone."},{"startTime":2821.333,"endTime":2824.4930000000004,"body":"And like the, the nurse made a"},{"startTime":2821.333,"endTime":2824.4930000000004,"body":"little comments and stuff about it."},{"startTime":2824.4930000000004,"endTime":2825.9030000000002,"body":"And so I had propped it up."},{"startTime":2826.213,"endTime":2831.233,"body":"On the counter to record and to go back"},{"startTime":2826.213,"endTime":2831.233,"body":"over with Amy and she moved my phone."},{"startTime":2831.4930000000004,"endTime":2836.103,"body":"Oh, and like basically put it down"},{"startTime":2831.4930000000004,"endTime":2836.103,"body":"to where we didn't capture any of it."},{"startTime":2836.543,"endTime":2839.183,"body":"But I, and, and at that point"},{"startTime":2836.543,"endTime":2839.183,"body":"I was already like holding Amy."},{"startTime":2839.183,"endTime":2840.123,"body":"I couldn't do anything about it."},{"startTime":2840.123,"endTime":2840.913,"body":"And I saw it."},{"startTime":2841.2830000000004,"endTime":2844.1530000000002,"body":"And so I, I missed this moment"},{"startTime":2841.2830000000004,"endTime":2844.1530000000002,"body":"because it pulled me out."},{"startTime":2844.1530000000002,"endTime":2847.5330000000004,"body":"Cause I was so upset, you know,"},{"startTime":2844.1530000000002,"endTime":2847.5330000000004,"body":"and I got back in my head."},{"startTime":2847.5930000000003,"endTime":2847.963,"body":"Right."},{"startTime":2848.003,"endTime":2851.5710000000004,"body":"And so then that part of it was just"},{"startTime":2848.003,"endTime":2851.5710000000004,"body":"it just was like a blur to me but"},{"startTime":2851.6110000000003,"endTime":2855.811,"body":"leading up to that was just this"},{"startTime":2851.6110000000003,"endTime":2855.811,"body":"it's hard to even put into words,"},{"startTime":2855.933,"endTime":2862.458,"body":"I, I felt so connected at this like"},{"startTime":2855.933,"endTime":2862.458,"body":"base deep spiritual Physical level."},{"startTime":2862.628,"endTime":2862.8880000000004,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":2862.958,"endTime":2864.9880000000003,"body":"And, and it felt amazing."},{"startTime":2865.9300000000003,"endTime":2870.1200000000003,"body":"And again, that's not something"},{"startTime":2865.9300000000003,"endTime":2870.1200000000003,"body":"I would be able to or want to"},{"startTime":2870.1200000000003,"endTime":2871.69,"body":"replicate on a day to day basis."},{"startTime":2871.7200000000003,"endTime":2872.69,"body":"Right, it's a lot."},{"startTime":2872.69,"endTime":2876.9300000000003,"body":"It's like, how do you, how do you, like,"},{"startTime":2872.69,"endTime":2876.9300000000003,"body":"use other techniques to kind of get you"},{"startTime":2876.9300000000003,"endTime":2877.73,"body":"closer to that?"},{"startTime":2878.98,"endTime":2879.19,"body":"It's"},{"startTime":2879.2000000000003,"endTime":2880.7200000000003,"body":"like, it's a pretty intense feeling."},{"startTime":2880.73,"endTime":2884.5,"body":"It's like saying, uh, I want to"},{"startTime":2880.73,"endTime":2884.5,"body":"experience ayahuasca every day."},{"startTime":2884.51,"endTime":2884.9100000000003,"body":"Oh"},{"startTime":2884.9900000000002,"endTime":2885.28,"body":"yeah."},{"startTime":2885.51,"endTime":2886.02,"body":"You know what I mean?"},{"startTime":2886.02,"endTime":2889.5800000000004,"body":"Like I've thought about trying"},{"startTime":2886.02,"endTime":2889.5800000000004,"body":"ayahuasca at some point in my life."},{"startTime":2889.5800000000004,"endTime":2890.9900000000002,"body":"Do I want to do that all the time?"},{"startTime":2890.9900000000002,"endTime":2894.71,"body":"Like I've heard it's a pretty intense"},{"startTime":2890.9900000000002,"endTime":2894.71,"body":"experience and that's what that feels."},{"startTime":2894.77,"endTime":2895.65,"body":"That's what it sounds like."},{"startTime":2895.6600000000003,"endTime":2898.52,"body":"That was the, what does it remind me"},{"startTime":2895.6600000000003,"endTime":2898.52,"body":"of when you're telling me this story?"},{"startTime":2899.0800000000004,"endTime":2900.86,"body":"Cause I was kind of feeling"},{"startTime":2899.0800000000004,"endTime":2900.86,"body":"anxiety thinking about it."},{"startTime":2900.96,"endTime":2903.34,"body":"But, uh, but yeah, I don't know."},{"startTime":2903.34,"endTime":2904.15,"body":"It's it is."},{"startTime":2905.635,"endTime":2910.1850000000004,"body":"I definitely notice that when I try"},{"startTime":2905.635,"endTime":2910.1850000000004,"body":"to deal with that anxiety and I try"},{"startTime":2910.1850000000004,"endTime":2913.645,"body":"to get past it and because I mean,"},{"startTime":2910.1850000000004,"endTime":2913.645,"body":"the thing that anxiety does for me"},{"startTime":2913.645,"endTime":2916.2650000000003,"body":"the most is definitely takes me out"},{"startTime":2913.645,"endTime":2916.2650000000003,"body":"of the moment and like, and that's"},{"startTime":2916.2650000000003,"endTime":2917.3050000000003,"body":"kind of what you experienced, right?"},{"startTime":2917.3050000000003,"endTime":2920.8450000000003,"body":"Like the, suddenly that anxiety"},{"startTime":2917.3050000000003,"endTime":2920.8450000000003,"body":"of the phone now is entered in."},{"startTime":2922.7050000000004,"endTime":2924.6150000000002,"body":"Like cancer spread to"},{"startTime":2922.7050000000004,"endTime":2924.6150000000002,"body":"everything and ruined it."},{"startTime":2925.175,"endTime":2929.0350000000003,"body":"And I think that it ruins"},{"startTime":2925.175,"endTime":2929.0350000000003,"body":"connections with your family."},{"startTime":2929.0350000000003,"endTime":2934.5150000000003,"body":"It ruins, you know, the, it's, it's so"},{"startTime":2929.0350000000003,"endTime":2934.5150000000003,"body":"hard to, to build those connections."},{"startTime":2934.5150000000003,"endTime":2939.335,"body":"And, and, you know, if, if you're,"},{"startTime":2934.5150000000003,"endTime":2939.335,"body":"Us being in the place that we are"},{"startTime":2939.335,"endTime":2942.275,"body":"in our life now, you know, it's"},{"startTime":2939.335,"endTime":2942.275,"body":"like I want to find those deeper"},{"startTime":2942.275,"endTime":2943.9350000000004,"body":"connections I want to grow emotionally."},{"startTime":2943.9350000000004,"endTime":2951.925,"body":"I want to find you know, that that"},{"startTime":2943.9350000000004,"endTime":2951.925,"body":"the the next level of Human existence,"},{"startTime":2951.9550000000004,"endTime":2956.215,"body":"I guess you know like yeah and But"},{"startTime":2951.9550000000004,"endTime":2956.215,"body":"to get to that growth, you can't"},{"startTime":2956.235,"endTime":2957.505,"body":"you can't go there with anxiety."},{"startTime":2957.505,"endTime":2959.735,"body":"You can't take it with you"},{"startTime":2957.505,"endTime":2959.735,"body":"And so it's just so hard."},{"startTime":2960.385,"endTime":2960.8050000000003,"body":"Oh, man."},{"startTime":2960.8050000000003,"endTime":2965.815,"body":"I just had a realization why we're"},{"startTime":2960.8050000000003,"endTime":2965.815,"body":"talking here you, cause you said that"},{"startTime":2965.895,"endTime":2968.0550000000003,"body":"anxiety pulls you out of the moment."},{"startTime":2968.125,"endTime":2968.135,"body":"Mm"},{"startTime":2968.135,"endTime":2968.525,"body":"hmm."},{"startTime":2968.704,"endTime":2970.114,"body":"I don't think that's what happens."},{"startTime":2970.3740000000003,"endTime":2974.224,"body":"I think that it's our response to the"},{"startTime":2970.3740000000003,"endTime":2974.224,"body":"anxiety that pulls us out of the moment."},{"startTime":2974.5040000000004,"endTime":2974.7740000000003,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":2974.784,"endTime":2978.6940000000004,"body":"Because the anxiety is actually a"},{"startTime":2974.784,"endTime":2978.6940000000004,"body":"signal to like pull us in to the moment."},{"startTime":2979.0440000000003,"endTime":2981.7940000000003,"body":"But we treat it, but because it's"},{"startTime":2979.0440000000003,"endTime":2981.7940000000003,"body":"so uncomfortable for us, cause"},{"startTime":2981.7940000000003,"endTime":2983.2740000000003,"body":"it's pulling us into our bodies."},{"startTime":2983.324,"endTime":2983.7740000000003,"body":"Mm hmm."},{"startTime":2983.994,"endTime":2989.5440000000003,"body":"We treat it as a signal to like,"},{"startTime":2983.994,"endTime":2989.5440000000003,"body":"Remove ourselves from the moment."},{"startTime":2990.2940000000003,"endTime":2995.991,"body":"And, and so maybe if we can learn"},{"startTime":2990.2940000000003,"endTime":2995.991,"body":"to stop that signal, you know,"},{"startTime":2995.991,"endTime":3002.487,"body":"like short that circuit and we can"},{"startTime":2995.991,"endTime":3002.487,"body":"retrain ourselves to view it as, as"},{"startTime":3002.487,"endTime":3004.5370000000003,"body":"a, uh, an opportunity to lean in."},{"startTime":3004.7920000000004,"endTime":3005.192,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":3005.2920000000004,"endTime":3007.012,"body":"Then maybe that would help a lot."},{"startTime":3007.152,"endTime":3008.192,"body":"Sounds like a software update."},{"startTime":3008.192,"endTime":3009.632,"body":"You think you can just like"},{"startTime":3008.192,"endTime":3009.632,"body":"plug that into my brain?"},{"startTime":3011.032,"endTime":3011.3720000000003,"body":"We're"},{"startTime":3011.5220000000004,"endTime":3012.3920000000003,"body":"coding it up right now."},{"startTime":3013.822,"endTime":3014.032,"body":"It's like,"},{"startTime":3014.032,"endTime":3015.632,"body":"how, how the hell do you do that?"},{"startTime":3016.552,"endTime":3017.712,"body":"Focus on that part of it."},{"startTime":3018.462,"endTime":3023.1220000000003,"body":"Uh, I mean, it's, it's more figuring"},{"startTime":3018.462,"endTime":3023.1220000000003,"body":"out how to trigger that anxiety in a"},{"startTime":3023.1220000000003,"endTime":3024.922,"body":"controlled manner on a regular basis."},{"startTime":3025.382,"endTime":3026.7720000000004,"body":"So that's the way I do cold plunging."},{"startTime":3026.782,"endTime":3030.032,"body":"That's why I do the breath work because"},{"startTime":3026.782,"endTime":3030.032,"body":"there's even with the breath work,"},{"startTime":3030.032,"endTime":3034.3320000000003,"body":"it's that moment of, I feel like I'm"},{"startTime":3030.032,"endTime":3034.3320000000003,"body":"going to die because I can't breathe."},{"startTime":3034.512,"endTime":3038.722,"body":"But I can, I, and so my body starts"},{"startTime":3034.512,"endTime":3038.722,"body":"to panic, but I can, I can talk"},{"startTime":3038.722,"endTime":3042.462,"body":"myself through that and like calm my"},{"startTime":3038.722,"endTime":3042.462,"body":"body and know that I'm, I am fine."},{"startTime":3042.8120000000004,"endTime":3046.885,"body":"You know,  And it's, that's just"},{"startTime":3042.8120000000004,"endTime":3046.885,"body":"finding things to do like that, that"},{"startTime":3047.215,"endTime":3052.235,"body":"where you can sort of like Run those"},{"startTime":3047.215,"endTime":3052.235,"body":"rewire those like neural connections."},{"startTime":3052.4350000000004,"endTime":3052.695,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":3052.735,"endTime":3054.925,"body":"I think is a way to go about that."},{"startTime":3055.0950000000003,"endTime":3058.395,"body":"Or at least I've, I've noticed it's"},{"startTime":3055.0950000000003,"endTime":3058.395,"body":"improvements for me in doing that."},{"startTime":3058.815,"endTime":3059.175,"body":"Hmm."},{"startTime":3059.6650000000004,"endTime":3059.895,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":3059.895,"endTime":3061.255,"body":"Just like that pattern interrupt."},{"startTime":3061.2850000000003,"endTime":3061.5350000000003,"body":"Yep."},{"startTime":3061.645,"endTime":3062.565,"body":"Yeah, for sure."},{"startTime":3062.605,"endTime":3063.3250000000003,"body":"That makes sense."},{"startTime":3300.44,"endTime":3303.978,"body":"One lesson that I learned in this"},{"startTime":3300.44,"endTime":3303.978,"body":"journey over the last year with"},{"startTime":3303.978,"endTime":3309.7630000000004,"body":"anxiety is that it helps a lot to"},{"startTime":3303.978,"endTime":3309.7630000000004,"body":"also like just be open about it."},{"startTime":3310.273,"endTime":3310.793,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":3310.853,"endTime":3315.101,"body":"Like I was struggling with a lot of"},{"startTime":3310.853,"endTime":3315.101,"body":"anxiety around work and just some"},{"startTime":3315.101,"endTime":3317.0310000000004,"body":"different things that were going on there."},{"startTime":3317.5910000000003,"endTime":3320.771,"body":"And it, it caused, it made it"},{"startTime":3317.5910000000003,"endTime":3320.771,"body":"so hard for me to stay engaged."},{"startTime":3320.922,"endTime":3326.382,"body":"Because I, because I was experiencing"},{"startTime":3320.922,"endTime":3326.382,"body":"so much anxiety, so there was that,"},{"startTime":3326.5620000000004,"endTime":3330.442,"body":"my response to that is to pull back,"},{"startTime":3326.5620000000004,"endTime":3330.442,"body":"but then I'm like, but I can't pull"},{"startTime":3330.442,"endTime":3333.9120000000003,"body":"back because it's my job, and so"},{"startTime":3330.442,"endTime":3333.9120000000003,"body":"then I have to take, everything"},{"startTime":3333.9120000000003,"endTime":3336.7920000000004,"body":"takes so much effort to like, to do."},{"startTime":3337.005,"endTime":3340.3250000000003,"body":"As a, as a result of that, because"},{"startTime":3337.005,"endTime":3340.3250000000003,"body":"you're spending so much energy first,"},{"startTime":3340.335,"endTime":3346.875,"body":"just to like, you know, re engage and,"},{"startTime":3340.335,"endTime":3346.875,"body":"and then like, what do you have left?"},{"startTime":3347.2250000000004,"endTime":3349.085,"body":"And then you're, and then you"},{"startTime":3347.2250000000004,"endTime":3349.085,"body":"start having a whole other set of"},{"startTime":3349.085,"endTime":3350.4750000000004,"body":"anxiety around, well, guess what?"},{"startTime":3350.4750000000004,"endTime":3352.755,"body":"Now I'm not going to be able"},{"startTime":3350.4750000000004,"endTime":3352.755,"body":"to do as well at my job."},{"startTime":3352.9950000000003,"endTime":3353.1850000000004,"body":"Right."},{"startTime":3353.1850000000004,"endTime":3355.5150000000003,"body":"Which then just like sets"},{"startTime":3353.1850000000004,"endTime":3355.5150000000003,"body":"this whole trigger again."},{"startTime":3355.525,"endTime":3356.815,"body":"It makes the anxiety even worse."},{"startTime":3356.815,"endTime":3358.4550000000004,"body":"And I was just spiraling."},{"startTime":3358.5950000000003,"endTime":3358.905,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":3359.09,"endTime":3362.57,"body":"And then you feel like, especially"},{"startTime":3359.09,"endTime":3362.57,"body":"when you're in a leadership position,"},{"startTime":3363.2000000000003,"endTime":3364.9100000000003,"body":"it's like, I can't talk about it."},{"startTime":3365.3900000000003,"endTime":3367.5600000000004,"body":"And, you know, cause I need to be."},{"startTime":3367.6400000000003,"endTime":3369.69,"body":"You know, I need to be"},{"startTime":3367.6400000000003,"endTime":3369.69,"body":"strong and confident for my"},{"startTime":3369.69,"endTime":3370.7400000000002,"body":"team, you know, the beacon."},{"startTime":3370.76,"endTime":3371.17,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":3371.78,"endTime":3375.0080000000003,"body":"Um, And you know, I can't share it"},{"startTime":3371.78,"endTime":3375.0080000000003,"body":"with my coworkers or share it with"},{"startTime":3375.0080000000003,"endTime":3379.288,"body":"my boss and, and you know, it's"},{"startTime":3375.0080000000003,"endTime":3379.288,"body":"just, which makes it even worse."},{"startTime":3379.418,"endTime":3379.668,"body":"Right."},{"startTime":3380.0480000000002,"endTime":3382.7380000000003,"body":"And then I just started"},{"startTime":3380.0480000000002,"endTime":3382.7380000000003,"body":"having conversations and"},{"startTime":3382.7380000000003,"endTime":3383.608,"body":"realize, Hey, guess what?"},{"startTime":3383.608,"endTime":3385.748,"body":"Pretty much everyone else"},{"startTime":3383.608,"endTime":3385.748,"body":"experiences this too."},{"startTime":3386.168,"endTime":3388.268,"body":"And, and it helps."},{"startTime":3388.2980000000002,"endTime":3392.6580000000004,"body":"And then by like showing as an"},{"startTime":3388.2980000000002,"endTime":3392.6580000000004,"body":"example, like you can talk about"},{"startTime":3392.6580000000004,"endTime":3396.5280000000002,"body":"it and, and you know, just get"},{"startTime":3392.6580000000004,"endTime":3396.5280000000002,"body":"it out on the table and then."},{"startTime":3398.8920000000003,"endTime":3405.078,"body":"and when you do that, then that, that"},{"startTime":3398.8920000000003,"endTime":3405.078,"body":"it's a safe place for other people to do"},{"startTime":3405.078,"endTime":3408.6180000000004,"body":"that, which means they're getting their"},{"startTime":3405.078,"endTime":3408.6180000000004,"body":"anxiety out and they're not holding it in,"},{"startTime":3409.018,"endTime":3411.338,"body":"uh, which just sort of frees us all up."},{"startTime":3411.378,"endTime":3412.818,"body":"And so the more that we do that."},{"startTime":3413.282,"endTime":3415.931,"body":"I think the better will be"},{"startTime":3413.282,"endTime":3415.931,"body":"definitely more efficient."},{"startTime":3415.991,"endTime":3416.451,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":3417.431,"endTime":3417.981,"body":"I mean, if"},{"startTime":3417.981,"endTime":3418.351,"body":"you need an"},{"startTime":3418.351,"endTime":3422.041,"body":"incentive and I'm not, I'm not saying"},{"startTime":3418.351,"endTime":3422.041,"body":"like dump your trauma on everybody,"},{"startTime":3422.041,"endTime":3427.161,"body":"but yeah, but there's at least a way"},{"startTime":3422.041,"endTime":3427.161,"body":"to get like, like that release valve."},{"startTime":3427.3610000000003,"endTime":3427.6510000000003,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":3427.6510000000003,"endTime":3429.8810000000003,"body":"I mean, things faster in"},{"startTime":3427.6510000000003,"endTime":3429.8810000000003,"body":"isolation, they just do."},{"startTime":3429.8810000000003,"endTime":3433.4410000000003,"body":"And like, that's where all of"},{"startTime":3429.8810000000003,"endTime":3433.4410000000003,"body":"those, like, uh, like untrue"},{"startTime":3433.4410000000003,"endTime":3435.541,"body":"negative narratives like build."},{"startTime":3435.541,"endTime":3435.891,"body":"Right."},{"startTime":3435.9010000000003,"endTime":3438.9610000000002,"body":"And I think that, you know, yes,"},{"startTime":3435.9010000000003,"endTime":3438.9610000000002,"body":"bring it out into the light,"},{"startTime":3438.9610000000002,"endTime":3441.661,"body":"let people hear it, but also to,"},{"startTime":3438.9610000000002,"endTime":3441.661,"body":"yeah, I think that you're right."},{"startTime":3441.8810000000003,"endTime":3447.4660000000003,"body":"It's crazy how How helpful it's been at"},{"startTime":3441.8810000000003,"endTime":3447.4660000000003,"body":"different points in my life to find that"},{"startTime":3447.5860000000002,"endTime":3449.9460000000004,"body":"we are all just going through something."},{"startTime":3450.0060000000003,"endTime":3452.9060000000004,"body":"All of us are at all different"},{"startTime":3450.0060000000003,"endTime":3452.9060000000004,"body":"times, and we usually have"},{"startTime":3452.976,"endTime":3454.806,"body":"experienced the thing altogether."},{"startTime":3454.8160000000003,"endTime":3459.0060000000003,"body":"And it's so easy to feel alone in that,"},{"startTime":3454.8160000000003,"endTime":3459.0060000000003,"body":"I think, if you're not bringing it up."},{"startTime":3459.0060000000003,"endTime":3461.5860000000002,"body":"So that's definitely"},{"startTime":3459.0060000000003,"endTime":3461.5860000000002,"body":"something that It's it's good."},{"startTime":3461.7160000000003,"endTime":3463.206,"body":"I've tried to watch out for"},{"startTime":3463.306,"endTime":3467.5460000000003,"body":"yeah, and there's there's the feeling"},{"startTime":3463.306,"endTime":3467.5460000000003,"body":"alone And then there's also the lie"},{"startTime":3467.556,"endTime":3471.346,"body":"that you tell yourself that no one else"},{"startTime":3467.556,"endTime":3471.346,"body":"will understand because that gives you"},{"startTime":3471.346,"endTime":3473.686,"body":"an excuse Yeah, just stay in it, you"},{"startTime":3473.686,"endTime":3478.226,"body":"know Oh and like there's that weird twist"},{"startTime":3473.686,"endTime":3478.226,"body":"to have like a little bit of superiority"},{"startTime":3478.246,"endTime":3481.1960000000004,"body":"like, you know It's just another"},{"startTime":3478.246,"endTime":3481.1960000000004,"body":"thing that you're keeping from people."},{"startTime":3481.206,"endTime":3487.416,"body":"So you're like, I'm the dark troubled"},{"startTime":3481.206,"endTime":3487.416,"body":"Soul, you know, that's like for me."},{"startTime":3487.416,"endTime":3489.286,"body":"It's like yeah, I'm the"},{"startTime":3487.416,"endTime":3489.286,"body":"dark troubled artist."},{"startTime":3489.286,"endTime":3490.5860000000002,"body":"I always have been I knew it."},{"startTime":3490.626,"endTime":3491.356,"body":"I knew it."},{"startTime":3492.2760000000003,"endTime":3495.7560000000003,"body":"I Found the Johnny Cash"},{"startTime":3492.2760000000003,"endTime":3495.7560000000003,"body":"in in part of my soul"},{"startTime":3498.7760000000003,"endTime":3502.376,"body":"And we and look and we I mean I've"},{"startTime":3498.7760000000003,"endTime":3502.376,"body":"you know It's easy to idolize those"},{"startTime":3502.376,"endTime":3505.876,"body":"characters in movies and TV shows and"},{"startTime":3502.376,"endTime":3505.876,"body":"you see, you know examples of them."},{"startTime":3505.876,"endTime":3509.056,"body":"And so Yeah, it's like you think"},{"startTime":3505.876,"endTime":3509.056,"body":"that that's just like the best"},{"startTime":3509.056,"endTime":3513.1360000000004,"body":"way to handle it I'm gonna drink"},{"startTime":3509.056,"endTime":3513.1360000000004,"body":"my whiskey and a hole in the wall"},{"startTime":3513.1360000000004,"endTime":3516.956,"body":"bar and just like Drink my anxiety"},{"startTime":3518.646,"endTime":3520.0660000000003,"body":"Yeah, how's that work out?"},{"startTime":3520.1560000000004,"endTime":3520.996,"body":"It doesn't work out."},{"startTime":3520.996,"endTime":3522.056,"body":"Well, I am"},{"startTime":3522.416,"endTime":3523.616,"body":"I no longer drink alcohol."},{"startTime":3525.5860000000002,"endTime":3532.4460000000004,"body":"I Had to eliminate that entire thing"},{"startTime":3525.5860000000002,"endTime":3532.4460000000004,"body":"from my life Yeah, yeah, so yeah, and"},{"startTime":3532.4460000000004,"endTime":3538.356,"body":"it's like It's, it's, it's, it's like"},{"startTime":3532.4460000000004,"endTime":3538.356,"body":"a, it's just really hard to not, I mean,"},{"startTime":3538.436,"endTime":3542.1960000000004,"body":"we're also just naturally overthinkers"},{"startTime":3538.436,"endTime":3542.1960000000004,"body":"and I think that that's also such a"},{"startTime":3542.1960000000004,"endTime":3547.626,"body":"huge part of how we can feel like, I"},{"startTime":3542.1960000000004,"endTime":3547.626,"body":"wonder how often I spiral up my own,"},{"startTime":3547.6760000000004,"endTime":3550.866,"body":"I, I, I spin up my own anxiety just"},{"startTime":3547.6760000000004,"endTime":3550.866,"body":"because I'm overthinking something."},{"startTime":3550.876,"endTime":3551.866,"body":"I felt anxiety."},{"startTime":3552.056,"endTime":3557.3860000000004,"body":"I think it's been seasons now since"},{"startTime":3552.056,"endTime":3557.3860000000004,"body":"I talked about this, but back in the"},{"startTime":3557.3860000000004,"endTime":3560.646,"body":"day when I remember I can still feel"},{"startTime":3557.3860000000004,"endTime":3560.646,"body":"that anxiety of trying to figure out"},{"startTime":3560.646,"endTime":3565.036,"body":"how to make a live stream work because"},{"startTime":3560.646,"endTime":3565.036,"body":"of all the pieces and constantly in"},{"startTime":3565.0460000000003,"endTime":3568.076,"body":"like, when I can't, uh, when I can't."},{"startTime":3568.26,"endTime":3571.03,"body":"Solve the puzzle quick"},{"startTime":3568.26,"endTime":3571.03,"body":"enough, you know what I mean?"},{"startTime":3571.03,"endTime":3572.63,"body":"And like, but that applies"},{"startTime":3571.03,"endTime":3572.63,"body":"to anything in life."},{"startTime":3572.82,"endTime":3575.8100000000004,"body":"If anything is this problem that I"},{"startTime":3572.82,"endTime":3575.8100000000004,"body":"can't really figure out how to solve."},{"startTime":3575.8100000000004,"endTime":3578.2200000000003,"body":"And I'm looking at it, if I'm all"},{"startTime":3575.8100000000004,"endTime":3578.2200000000003,"body":"angles and I'm trying to, you know,"},{"startTime":3578.2200000000003,"endTime":3581.0800000000004,"body":"you start overthinking and that"},{"startTime":3578.2200000000003,"endTime":3581.0800000000004,"body":"causes anxiety too, because then"},{"startTime":3581.0800000000004,"endTime":3582.8100000000004,"body":"you feel like you're losing control."},{"startTime":3582.84,"endTime":3583.09,"body":"Right."},{"startTime":3583.1000000000004,"endTime":3585.82,"body":"And that's actually the, like"},{"startTime":3583.1000000000004,"endTime":3585.82,"body":"with my job, the main source of"},{"startTime":3585.82,"endTime":3587.2400000000002,"body":"the anxiety was it was a puzzle."},{"startTime":3587.2400000000002,"endTime":3588.71,"body":"I felt like I didn't"},{"startTime":3587.2400000000002,"endTime":3588.71,"body":"know how to solve this."},{"startTime":3588.78,"endTime":3591.3,"body":"Like I finally came across a"},{"startTime":3588.78,"endTime":3591.3,"body":"problem that I couldn't solve."},{"startTime":3591.3500000000004,"endTime":3591.71,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":3591.71,"endTime":3593.36,"body":"And it was the worst."},{"startTime":3593.46,"endTime":3593.88,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":3596.02,"endTime":3596.55,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":3597.09,"endTime":3597.3300000000004,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":3597.3300000000004,"endTime":3598.15,"body":"And you know what?"},{"startTime":3598.75,"endTime":3599.8,"body":"I still haven't solved it."},{"startTime":3600.23,"endTime":3602.6000000000004,"body":"Uh, but I've at least made progress."},{"startTime":3602.75,"endTime":3602.9500000000003,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":3602.9500000000003,"endTime":3603.28,"body":"You know,"},{"startTime":3603.3700000000003,"endTime":3603.9,"body":"that's good."},{"startTime":3603.92,"endTime":3604.1400000000003,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":3604.19,"endTime":3604.52,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":3605.36,"endTime":3608.82,"body":"When it's hard to not let like the"},{"startTime":3605.36,"endTime":3608.82,"body":"negative parts of our, our personality"},{"startTime":3608.82,"endTime":3611.9900000000002,"body":"come out to like, trying to be a"},{"startTime":3608.82,"endTime":3611.9900000000002,"body":"perfectionist and like you just"},{"startTime":3611.9900000000002,"endTime":3613.5400000000004,"body":"start like spiraling out of control."},{"startTime":3613.59,"endTime":3617.57,"body":"And it's, and for me, that's just like,"},{"startTime":3613.59,"endTime":3617.57,"body":"that's definitely what I struggle with."},{"startTime":3617.6200000000003,"endTime":3623.3100000000004,"body":"If I, if I stop talking to people and"},{"startTime":3617.6200000000003,"endTime":3623.3100000000004,"body":"you find me, It's trying to do some"},{"startTime":3623.3100000000004,"endTime":3627.36,"body":"new, create some new system or workflow"},{"startTime":3623.3100000000004,"endTime":3627.36,"body":"for something in my office and I've"},{"startTime":3627.36,"endTime":3628.9700000000003,"body":"been working on it for days at a time."},{"startTime":3628.9700000000003,"endTime":3631.7000000000003,"body":"You're like, it's like, it's time"},{"startTime":3628.9700000000003,"endTime":3631.7000000000003,"body":"to stop me and go, what's wrong?"},{"startTime":3633.44,"endTime":3634.51,"body":"What's going on in your life?"},{"startTime":3635.4500000000003,"endTime":3636.5400000000004,"body":"Cause something has led me."},{"startTime":3636.5400000000004,"endTime":3637.8700000000003,"body":"It's driven me to that point."},{"startTime":3638.1000000000004,"endTime":3639.1400000000003,"body":"Um, Yeah, for sure."},{"startTime":3639.27,"endTime":3639.3900000000003,"body":"It's."},{"startTime":3640.885,"endTime":3644.3250000000003,"body":"I don't know, it's, I think that's been"},{"startTime":3640.885,"endTime":3644.3250000000003,"body":"one of the biggest things is like trying"},{"startTime":3644.3250000000003,"endTime":3650.065,"body":"to, trying to be more present, trying to"},{"startTime":3644.3250000000003,"endTime":3650.065,"body":"find trying to be mindful of not trying"},{"startTime":3650.065,"endTime":3654.835,"body":"to overthink, not trying to spin out of"},{"startTime":3650.065,"endTime":3654.835,"body":"control, and, and, and also, the, the"},{"startTime":3654.835,"endTime":3658.715,"body":"mindfulness piece is a really interesting"},{"startTime":3654.835,"endTime":3658.715,"body":"thing because I feel like it's such"},{"startTime":3658.715,"endTime":3664.3250000000003,"body":"a, It's such an easy thing for us as"},{"startTime":3658.715,"endTime":3664.3250000000003,"body":"fives to not want to be mindful because,"},{"startTime":3664.395,"endTime":3668.735,"body":"you know, again, being mindful means"},{"startTime":3664.395,"endTime":3668.735,"body":"being in touch with your body and your"},{"startTime":3668.735,"endTime":3670.875,"body":"surroundings and all of those things."},{"startTime":3670.875,"endTime":3674.635,"body":"And that just also so happens to be"},{"startTime":3670.875,"endTime":3674.635,"body":"how you defuse an anxiety attack."},{"startTime":3676.1200000000003,"endTime":3680.19,"body":"So if you're ever having one I remember"},{"startTime":3676.1200000000003,"endTime":3680.19,"body":"I've, I've had a few anxiety attacks at"},{"startTime":3680.19,"endTime":3683.84,"body":"this point and it's, it's, I found it's"},{"startTime":3680.19,"endTime":3683.84,"body":"good to like, you know, you literally,"},{"startTime":3683.88,"endTime":3687.0800000000004,"body":"I literally just sit down on the ground,"},{"startTime":3683.88,"endTime":3687.0800000000004,"body":"put my hands on the ground and just"},{"startTime":3687.09,"endTime":3693.2090000000003,"body":"think about where I am and you know,"},{"startTime":3687.09,"endTime":3693.2090000000003,"body":"uh, what, what's going on around me."},{"startTime":3693.2090000000003,"endTime":3694.3790000000004,"body":"I'm in a safe place."},{"startTime":3694.529,"endTime":3698.8340000000003,"body":"Like, you know, and it's like, it's"},{"startTime":3694.529,"endTime":3698.8340000000003,"body":"centering yourself on like, Uh,"},{"startTime":3698.844,"endTime":3704.0240000000003,"body":"being, just feeling your surroundings"},{"startTime":3698.844,"endTime":3704.0240000000003,"body":"is something that I've found just"},{"startTime":3704.0240000000003,"endTime":3708.1940000000004,"body":"kind of settles, settles everything"},{"startTime":3704.0240000000003,"endTime":3708.1940000000004,"body":"and like slows my heart rate and"},{"startTime":3709.204,"endTime":3710.5840000000003,"body":"I learned that from a TV show."},{"startTime":3712.494,"endTime":3715.7740000000003,"body":"But then of course, of course I've"},{"startTime":3712.494,"endTime":3715.7740000000003,"body":"read about it, but I was like, Oh, I"},{"startTime":3715.7740000000003,"endTime":3716.974,"body":"remember thinking, Oh, that's accurate."},{"startTime":3716.974,"endTime":3718.904,"body":"But I, when I think"},{"startTime":3716.974,"endTime":3718.904,"body":"about it, I remember it."},{"startTime":3718.904,"endTime":3725.1440000000002,"body":"And it was from, uh, uh, it was"},{"startTime":3718.904,"endTime":3725.1440000000002,"body":"from the newsroom and Aaron Sorkin"},{"startTime":3725.1440000000002,"endTime":3726.4840000000004,"body":"show, of course, of course it was."},{"startTime":3726.5840000000003,"endTime":3728.2340000000004,"body":"But uh, yeah, so I don't know."},{"startTime":3728.244,"endTime":3730.6240000000003,"body":"I think there's definitely things"},{"startTime":3728.244,"endTime":3730.6240000000003,"body":"that we can do to try to like be"},{"startTime":3730.6240000000003,"endTime":3734.974,"body":"more aware of things that, because"},{"startTime":3730.6240000000003,"endTime":3734.974,"body":"as a listener, hope, I'm sure"},{"startTime":3734.974,"endTime":3736.184,"body":"that you have experienced anxiety."},{"startTime":3736.184,"endTime":3738.974,"body":"So I hope that you're maybe in a"},{"startTime":3736.184,"endTime":3738.974,"body":"place that you want to deal with it."},{"startTime":3738.974,"endTime":3741.6240000000003,"body":"and try to be better at managing"},{"startTime":3738.974,"endTime":3741.6240000000003,"body":"it because it, it sure does."},{"startTime":3742.4390000000003,"endTime":3747.329,"body":"Poke at a lot of the things that we don't"},{"startTime":3742.4390000000003,"endTime":3747.329,"body":"want to experience or deal with, you"},{"startTime":3747.329,"endTime":3749.2490000000003,"body":"know, it enhances all of those things."},{"startTime":3749.599,"endTime":3753.0690000000004,"body":"Yeah, I mean, in our response"},{"startTime":3749.599,"endTime":3753.0690000000004,"body":"to it, normally what we end up"},{"startTime":3753.0690000000004,"endTime":3754.549,"body":"doing is severing that connection."},{"startTime":3754.6290000000004,"endTime":3754.8990000000003,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":3754.929,"endTime":3759.079,"body":"Which is where we miss out on the"},{"startTime":3754.929,"endTime":3759.079,"body":"fullness of life, so we're kind"},{"startTime":3759.079,"endTime":3761.9750000000004,"body":"of Separating in all aspects."},{"startTime":3762.045,"endTime":3763.9950000000003,"body":"Yeah, we really give into the anxiety So"},{"startTime":3764.175,"endTime":3767.9550000000004,"body":"I don't think it's worth saying to you"},{"startTime":3764.175,"endTime":3767.9550000000004,"body":"that like I think I you know It's I've"},{"startTime":3767.9550000000004,"endTime":3771.6850000000004,"body":"we've talked to a lot of fives since we"},{"startTime":3767.9550000000004,"endTime":3771.6850000000004,"body":"started this show Yeah a lot of fives and"},{"startTime":3771.6850000000004,"endTime":3775.385,"body":"they got to hear a lot of conversations"},{"startTime":3771.6850000000004,"endTime":3775.385,"body":"and and hear a lot of responses in every"},{"startTime":3775.395,"endTime":3781.465,"body":"episode and find out about so many other"},{"startTime":3775.395,"endTime":3781.465,"body":"perspectives from a five, or vantage"},{"startTime":3781.465,"endTime":3784.195,"body":"points, I guess you could say, you know"},{"startTime":3781.465,"endTime":3784.195,"body":"from different fives on how they see"},{"startTime":3784.195,"endTime":3789.88,"body":"things and i've You Something that I've"},{"startTime":3784.195,"endTime":3789.88,"body":"definitely felt like a strong kinship"},{"startTime":3789.8900000000003,"endTime":3794.57,"body":"from is that I feel like all of us The"},{"startTime":3789.8900000000003,"endTime":3794.57,"body":"biggest myth I want to maybe the one of"},{"startTime":3794.57,"endTime":3797.7000000000003,"body":"the biggest misconceptions about fives"},{"startTime":3794.57,"endTime":3797.7000000000003,"body":"and why people don't understand This"},{"startTime":3797.71,"endTime":3803.8500000000004,"body":"is because it's not that we want to"},{"startTime":3797.71,"endTime":3803.8500000000004,"body":"sever those connections We I think fives"},{"startTime":3803.8500000000004,"endTime":3808.0,"body":"uniquely can interpret more information"},{"startTime":3803.8500000000004,"endTime":3808.0,"body":"a lot of times than other personality"},{"startTime":3808.0,"endTime":3812.67,"body":"types I think that we are so observant"},{"startTime":3808.0,"endTime":3812.67,"body":"We have the ability to be superheroes"},{"startTime":3812.71,"endTime":3816.1600000000003,"body":"and take in so much about a moment and"},{"startTime":3812.71,"endTime":3816.1600000000003,"body":"appreciate so much about a moment and"},{"startTime":3816.1600000000003,"endTime":3821.3100000000004,"body":"all the details and remember those things"},{"startTime":3816.1600000000003,"endTime":3821.3100000000004,"body":"and then find ways to then put that back"},{"startTime":3821.3100000000004,"endTime":3824.5400000000004,"body":"out into the world in our relationships"},{"startTime":3821.3100000000004,"endTime":3824.5400000000004,"body":"or in our work or in, you know,"},{"startTime":3824.5400000000004,"endTime":3826.38,"body":"creating art or whatever that thing is."},{"startTime":3826.84,"endTime":3830.73,"body":"You know, we might even have as, as"},{"startTime":3826.84,"endTime":3830.73,"body":"everyone does, we have our own unique"},{"startTime":3830.7400000000002,"endTime":3834.94,"body":"perspective on that and fives at"},{"startTime":3830.7400000000002,"endTime":3834.94,"body":"their best can deal with these things."},{"startTime":3834.94,"endTime":3838.48,"body":"We can feel those emotions and, but we"},{"startTime":3834.94,"endTime":3838.48,"body":"can, and maybe we can feel them even"},{"startTime":3838.48,"endTime":3844.26,"body":"more intensely and maybe find better"},{"startTime":3838.48,"endTime":3844.26,"body":"ways to manage those feelings and like"},{"startTime":3844.26,"endTime":3849.38,"body":"be experts and feeling things, you know,"},{"startTime":3844.26,"endTime":3849.38,"body":"there's, there's ways, there's ways to be."},{"startTime":3849.965,"endTime":3853.8450000000003,"body":"It doesn't make you less of a five"},{"startTime":3849.965,"endTime":3853.8450000000003,"body":"or less of a cerebral type or less of"},{"startTime":3853.8450000000003,"endTime":3857.085,"body":"an intellectual to feel it actually"},{"startTime":3853.8450000000003,"endTime":3857.085,"body":"makes you more of those things."},{"startTime":3857.0950000000003,"endTime":3857.5550000000003,"body":"Yeah,"},{"startTime":3857.7450000000003,"endTime":3858.8450000000003,"body":"and it makes you more whole."},{"startTime":3858.9350000000004,"endTime":3859.2450000000003,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":3859.2450000000003,"endTime":3859.605,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":3860.4950000000003,"endTime":3860.905,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":3860.965,"endTime":3861.5550000000003,"body":"And."},{"startTime":3862.085,"endTime":3868.1850000000004,"body":"I think we just, we've got to lean into,"},{"startTime":3862.085,"endTime":3868.1850000000004,"body":"into letting go, lean into letting go."},{"startTime":3869.7850000000003,"endTime":3870.605,"body":"That's our next book."},{"startTime":3871.5150000000003,"endTime":3873.315,"body":"Lean into letting go by Josiah Goff."},{"startTime":3874.6150000000002,"endTime":3876.485,"body":"Oh god, it's getting late."},{"startTime":3877.295,"endTime":3881.067,"body":"Um, I think the, you know, you"},{"startTime":3877.295,"endTime":3881.067,"body":"had said that we don't want"},{"startTime":3881.077,"endTime":3882.4170000000004,"body":"to sever those connections."},{"startTime":3882.777,"endTime":3886.1240000000003,"body":"But that's how we try to maintain control."},{"startTime":3886.174,"endTime":3888.3340000000003,"body":"And so I think there's one big takeaway."},{"startTime":3888.3340000000003,"endTime":3891.219,"body":"It's that you've got to"},{"startTime":3888.3340000000003,"endTime":3891.219,"body":"give in to the chaos."},{"startTime":3891.369,"endTime":3891.579,"body":"Yeah"},{"startTime":3892.6690000000003,"endTime":3893.8590000000004,"body":"Much like me in that river."},{"startTime":3893.8590000000004,"endTime":3897.1090000000004,"body":"You just got to let let yourself go"},{"startTime":3893.8590000000004,"endTime":3897.1090000000004,"body":"with the go with the flow Yeah, you"},{"startTime":3897.1090000000004,"endTime":3902.409,"body":"got to go the flow Man, it's such a"},{"startTime":3897.1090000000004,"endTime":3902.409,"body":"great place to be because like I would"},{"startTime":3902.5190000000002,"endTime":3905.449,"body":"I would venture to I would venture to"},{"startTime":3902.5190000000002,"endTime":3905.449,"body":"say I'd venture to throw This out there"},{"startTime":3905.7490000000003,"endTime":3910.2290000000003,"body":"to all listeners is I bet the majority"},{"startTime":3905.7490000000003,"endTime":3910.2290000000003,"body":"of us can think of a time in our life"},{"startTime":3910.2290000000003,"endTime":3914.809,"body":"where we felt the most blissful or the"},{"startTime":3910.2290000000003,"endTime":3914.809,"body":"most, you know, relaxed or content."},{"startTime":3914.829,"endTime":3918.1290000000004,"body":"And in that moment where you going with"},{"startTime":3914.829,"endTime":3918.1290000000004,"body":"the flow, where is that a moment that,"},{"startTime":3918.1290000000004,"endTime":3921.449,"body":"that, that was your pattern interrupt"},{"startTime":3918.1290000000004,"endTime":3921.449,"body":"was that you decided to let go in that"},{"startTime":3921.449,"endTime":3923.3790000000004,"body":"moment and just let it be what it is."},{"startTime":3923.619,"endTime":3926.369,"body":"Cause I, I would just venture to"},{"startTime":3923.619,"endTime":3926.369,"body":"say that might be that, that was"},{"startTime":3926.369,"endTime":3931.0190000000002,"body":"probably a component of that, you"},{"startTime":3926.369,"endTime":3931.0190000000002,"body":"know, if not the proponent of making"},{"startTime":3931.0190000000002,"endTime":3932.6690000000003,"body":"that, that, that's that a moment"},{"startTime":3932.6890000000003,"endTime":3933.1090000000004,"body":"happen."},{"startTime":3933.969,"endTime":3935.039,"body":"I wonder if."},{"startTime":3935.23,"endTime":3938.09,"body":"Disintegrating a little bit"},{"startTime":3935.23,"endTime":3938.09,"body":"to seven helps us with that."},{"startTime":3938.5400000000004,"endTime":3939.0600000000004,"body":"Mmm."},{"startTime":3939.4300000000003,"endTime":3939.65,"body":"Ooh,"},{"startTime":3939.6600000000003,"endTime":3940.3100000000004,"body":"that's a good conversation."},{"startTime":3940.3100000000004,"endTime":3940.8,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":3941.0800000000004,"endTime":3943.38,"body":"Because we always look at"},{"startTime":3941.0800000000004,"endTime":3943.38,"body":"disintegration as an unhealthy or bad"},{"startTime":3943.38,"endTime":3945.26,"body":"thing, but But there are positives."},{"startTime":3945.26,"endTime":3947.4060000000004,"body":"Yeah, there are positives to it."},{"startTime":3947.4060000000004,"endTime":3947.764,"body":"Yeah."},{"startTime":3947.764,"endTime":3948.4790000000003,"body":"For sure."},{"startTime":3948.76,"endTime":3954.2400000000002,"body":"Yeah, I would say that's probably true"},{"startTime":3948.76,"endTime":3954.2400000000002,"body":"because in my, in my most disintegrated"},{"startTime":3955.36,"endTime":3960.3500000000004,"body":"Times in my life, even if I was being"},{"startTime":3955.36,"endTime":3960.3500000000004,"body":"unhealthy I was being carefree and I"},{"startTime":3960.3500000000004,"endTime":3965.67,"body":"was being like it is what it is And and"},{"startTime":3960.3500000000004,"endTime":3965.67,"body":"so I think even in my most unhealthy"},{"startTime":3965.67,"endTime":3970.88,"body":"places I had that component of and maybe"},{"startTime":3965.67,"endTime":3970.88,"body":"that's what made it feel so good That"},{"startTime":3970.88,"endTime":3974.9900000000002,"body":"was what was the release the emotional"},{"startTime":3970.88,"endTime":3974.9900000000002,"body":"release was that I was doing the thing"},{"startTime":3975.02,"endTime":3978.6800000000003,"body":"You That I probably should have been"},{"startTime":3975.02,"endTime":3978.6800000000003,"body":"doing all along when the wrong context."},{"startTime":3978.7400000000002,"endTime":3981.9100000000003,"body":"Yeah, you know, it wasn't helping me"},{"startTime":3978.7400000000002,"endTime":3981.9100000000003,"body":"It was hurting me, but in the right"},{"startTime":3981.9100000000003,"endTime":3987.1600000000003,"body":"context that same behavior could be"},{"startTime":3981.9100000000003,"endTime":3987.1600000000003,"body":"the most healthy thing you do hmm"},{"startTime":3988.1400000000003,"endTime":3989.2140000000004,"body":"Just let go, everybody."},{"startTime":3989.744,"endTime":3990.4840000000004,"body":"Just let go."},{"startTime":3990.494,"endTime":3991.4440000000004,"body":"We'll just let go."},{"startTime":3991.494,"endTime":3992.0240000000003,"body":"You know?"},{"startTime":3992.1040000000003,"endTime":3992.724,"body":"And, uh."},{"startTime":3994.009,"endTime":3994.9390000000003,"body":"Hopefully, we'll be happier."},{"startTime":3994.9390000000003,"endTime":3995.139,"body":"I don't know."},{"startTime":3997.599,"endTime":3999.6490000000003,"body":"Hopefully, we accomplished"},{"startTime":3997.599,"endTime":3999.6490000000003,"body":"something with this conversation."},{"startTime":3999.6490000000003,"endTime":4000.1890000000003,"body":"I don't know."},{"startTime":4000.659,"endTime":4001.279,"body":"Do we ever."},{"startTime":4001.4790000000003,"endTime":4001.8790000000004,"body":"Do we?"},{"startTime":4001.8790000000004,"endTime":4002.599,"body":"I hope so."},{"startTime":4002.599,"endTime":4003.2290000000003,"body":"I hope so."},{"startTime":4003.2290000000003,"endTime":4004.789,"body":"Everybody's still here with us, I hope."},{"startTime":4004.789,"endTime":4006.6690000000003,"body":"Well, hey, welcome to Season 5."},{"startTime":4006.679,"endTime":4008.279,"body":"Season 5."},{"startTime":4008.279,"endTime":4008.279,"body":"Season 5."},{"startTime":4008.279,"endTime":4009.3790000000004,"body":"It's good to be back."},{"startTime":4009.4390000000003,"endTime":4013.3990000000003,"body":"It was an intense conversation to"},{"startTime":4009.4390000000003,"endTime":4013.3990000000003,"body":"have in the beginning about something"},{"startTime":4013.4390000000003,"endTime":4015.289,"body":"we, again, don't understand all of."},{"startTime":4018.119,"endTime":4018.9790000000003,"body":"Cheers, everybody."},{"startTime":4019.0690000000004,"endTime":4019.4790000000003,"body":"Cheers."},{"startTime":4019.489,"endTime":4020.529,"body":"See you next week."}]}