The One Where Dina Discovers The Dutch Rudder

In this mind-blowing installment, Dina takes us on a wild journey through her TikTok Conspiracy Corner, uncovering the shocking truth about birds (spoiler alert: they aren't real!) and delving into the mysterious circumstances surrounding Kobe Bryant's tragic death.

Prepare for a special treat as Arnold the Bard of Critically Stupid leaves us a voicemail message filled with musical enchantment. You won't want to miss this delightful interlude!

Next up, brace yourself for The Sexual Lexicon Challenge. Daniel challenges Dina to guess the horrifying definitions from Urban Dictionary, leading to uproarious and cringe-worthy moments. Can Dina keep her composure as she navigates through the absurdities of modern slang? You can guarantee we won't be playing this game again! *** EXPLICIT CONTENT WARNING: This segment contains graphic descriptions of unconventional sexual acts for comedic purposes. Jump ahead to 45:29 if you would like to skip it. ***

In this episode's thought-provoking discussion, our hosts delve into the Art of Storytelling. Discover the essential elements that make a story great and learn how writers can skillfully engage their readers using these techniques. Get ready for an insightful exploration of narrative mastery!

It's time for Storytime with Dinasaurus, and she recounts a memorable tale: The Wedding I Didn't Want To Attend. Join Dina as she hilariously recounts her continued misadventures with the wine bra and other unexpected surprises at this unconventional celebration.

Finally, prepare yourself for Cringey Copulation as Daniel shares a LOOOONG excerpt from the captivating novel ED KING by David Guterson. Brace yourself for a blend of laughter, discomfort, and a touch of secondhand embarrassment as Daniel dives into this cringe-inducing literary experience. #BookTube #Bookish #writingcommunity

Check out CRITICALLY STUPID, the comedy, improv, real-play Dungeons & Dragons podcast that we can't get enough of!  https://youtube.com/@critstupid
Thank you to the bard Arnold Stevolson for the tremendously touching song on our voicemail in this episode! You can find his secret identity on Twitter: https://twitter.com/AnthonyLaFauci

Transcript

Producer Sean 0:03

It's the Don't Make.

Daniel 0:04

It Weird podcast with your hosts, daniel and Dina Soros. Where are we? What's going on? Is this the Don't Make It Weird podcast? It's been so long I missed you guys. If you've forgotten, i forgot We are your writing storytelling podcast for the writing community by the writing community. We tell jokes and they're kind of funny and stuff. It's adorable. I'm your co-host, daniel Quigley, and I'm joined, as always, by my better half. I'm joined by the capricious calamity of contankerous, contemptuous characters herself Dina Soros. Hi, dina.

Dina 0:47

Okay. So here's what just happened. My brain glitched because I was like, oh, i had something that I wanted to say when you introduced me, and then for a second I forgot. But then I remembered again, but then it was too late because my brain had already glitched. I was going to sing the Dufen Schmerz song from Phineas and Ferb. I still support it. We need more singing on this show.

Daniel 1:07

So why don't you drop some bars, Dina? Why don't you do this for us?

Dina 1:12

No.

Daniel 1:12

I'm okay, i'll hit you with it later. It's got to be spontaneous. Okay, so maybe at some point in the episode you're just going to break into it.

Dina 1:19

Yeah, it's just a little jingle. It's not really like a song.

Daniel 1:23

It's like a Charlie.

Dina 1:24

Sheen jingle Wait, what was his last name on Two and a Half Men?

Daniel 1:29

Charlie Sheen. I never watched that show. Did he do jingles? Was that his thing?

Dina 1:32

That was his whole job on Two and a Half Men was he was a jingle writer.

Daniel 1:37

Yeah, i mean it's Charlie Sheen, but I fuck up, i know. I mean, you know what? I have a jingle, dina, do you want to hear it?

Dina 1:44

Dina Yeah, did I really say Dina.

Daniel 1:49

You said jingle Dina. You did No way. There's no way, sean, roll the tape back. Roll the tape back. I have a jingle Dina. I have a jingle Dina.

Arnold 1:59

I have a jingle, Dina.

Daniel 2:01

Yeah, i just checked it. You said, dina, this is bullshit, this feels like a fake review. But listen, dina, i've got a jingle. Do you want to hear this jingle?

Dina 2:13

Okay, go ahead.

Daniel 2:15

See, we have a third member of this team, and guys.

Dina 2:18

Oh fuck, I watched right into that.

Daniel 2:20

Yeah, you did, damn it. Listen well, will you podcast with me? Not now, dank, does producing us have you suffering? You've been the most gracious of hosts. I may have invited Clippy, but the master swirledo is not coming in. Producer Sean, everyone. That was good. So Daniel saw Coheed and Cambria live last weekend. Yep, dina has no idea what song I just did.

Dina 2:47

I was just going to say in our group chat with Stevie and Anthony I don't even know what Coheed was, i was just happy to be there. So to Cohead, or Coheed, happy to be a part of it.

Daniel 2:57

For once, daniel wasn't the one that was just like gleefully and naively following along, just happy to be involved. Yeah, so the song that I just did for Sean is a song from Coheed and Cambria And I got to see that show. They were up in Atlanta. Stevie Wildcard flew up from Florida, got some tickets I got free tickets, i got to go with him. It was so much fucking fun. We were there at the Tabernacle, which is a legendary music venue in Atlanta, and, listen, i haven't had an Anthony hug yet, but I don't know if anyone can beat a Stevie hug, because that shit's phenomenal. Like That's exactly what I expected, like he's just a big, warm teddy bear of excellence And, yeah, fucking loves Stevie Wildcard. So huge shout out there. Huge shout out to the We Have Issues podcast. Yeah, man, it was a good time. Can I give you one of the highlight moments for me? No, i mean, you're going to do it anyway. So why ask? Yeah, this is going to happen.

Daniel 3:57

So we were kind of like at the back of the crowd. We weren't up there because we're not young anymore and willing to fight the crowd push to get near the stage. So we're kind of near the back. And you remember my buddy Kevin, right? Sean? Yeah, you describe him as a bit of a Kevin from Philly, right? That's who we're talking about. Yep, kevin from Philly, a bit of a loose cannon, right? Yeah? Yeah, that's Kenny. That's Kenny Very close, very close. Dino, that was excellent, that was right there. And so we're kind of near the end of the show And there's been people crowd surfing a bunch, but near the front where you can actually surf up, get pulled out and come back in, some drunk ass dude tried to come up to me and to Tina Stevie's wife and was like Yeah, let me, i want to surf.

Daniel 4:51

We're like no, we're at the fucking back, this isn't what we're doing here. No one in front of you is expecting crowd surfing right now. So we're giving the frantic gestures of no, get the fuck out of here. And the guy went for it anyway. So he hauled himself up and he makes it over to Kevin, who is a little bit.

Dina 5:13

Wait, wait, wait. So no, I'm picturing this guy climbing your back. Though Did he climb your back? get on your shoulders and then, just like He went to another guy.

Daniel 5:22

No, he just went to a guy in front of me, another big dude in front of me and the guy was like, yeah, it would have been actually excellent if he had done that. And so he gets up on his dude's shoulders and he lands on Kevin. Kevin just has this look of fuck. He just throws this guy off and he just lands Let's go Fast. First off the ground and we were dying laughing. And the dude when he fell, he was like is that your boy? I was like dude. I don't fucking know that guy, but it was incredible. Yeah, no, so don't crowd surf at the back of crowds, it's not how it's done.

Daniel 6:02

It's not how it's done, But you know, I heard you've been having your own little issue. You hurt your back last week and you have been unable to perform some basic functions, like shaving your legs allegedly, And I heard that you asked your husband for help.

Dina 6:18

I did ask for help because I can't really bend over, see my dog in the background And instead of offering to help me like the good help meet that, i thought that I married. I instead was gifted with an extend-o arm for my fucking razor. And he said to me so that's innovation right there.

Daniel 6:41

How far does this thing extend?

Dina 6:44

I would say it's probably four feet.

Daniel 6:47

Jesus. All right, so you can like, you can get your toes, yeah, and you like you, velcro, your elastic Velcro, your razor to the end of it. You can shave Tim's leg from across the room. He's sitting on the couch. Just get a little quick shave in on him.

Dina 7:04

I told him. I was like I can shave your face for you with this if you want.

Daniel 7:09

So all right. So, Sean, if Kelly executive producer Kelly, who we all love, dearly asked for assistance shaving her legs because of some calamitous accident, What would be your solution? I would do it for her, because we are rider dies. Because, you guys are actually help, meets and I got stuck with a piece of shit.

Dina 7:36

Help meets.

Daniel 7:38

Well, first I would try to be reasonable and be like is this really necessary? Like are you, like can she? just wear pants instead, and then if she insisted I would do it. Yeah, i mean, how confident are you in your leg shaving skills, sean? I feel like you know I've dealt with shaving my face and my neck quite a bit in my life, so I don't think I would have that. I feel like there's less like nooks and crannies on a leg.

Dina 8:07

Pretty, if you don't pick up the razor and you just the whole time, then you're not going to go back and forth.

Daniel 8:15

I learned that from Dina.

Dina 8:16

Yeah.

Daniel 8:16

Dina Med did a pretty good job It still blows my mind that you can do that Like that just feels wrong.

Dina 8:22

That's what tattoo artists do, Oh you don't have a tattoo You have a tattoo No.

Daniel 8:30

Oh, hold on, Oh I think she does.

Dina 8:38

I just know that they do that. I don't have a tattoo. I don't believe her.

Daniel 8:42

She has a portrait of Henry Winkler on her butt. Oh, but mama don't know, won't hurt her, it's true, it's fair enough. But all right, all right, okay. Last question on this Is there an area of your partner's body that you would not shave for her? Sean, and I'll ask the same for you in a second. Dina, we don't have to be explicit.

Producer Sean 9:05

I mean, I think it's a family show.

Daniel 9:07

I think the butthole is the clear answer here.

Producer Sean 9:09

You don't shave a butthole You wax it.

Daniel 9:12

But okay, she has her permission to wax a butthole. Would you be part of the journey? No, there are professionals that do that that are way better at it than I could ever be.

Arnold 9:26

I would have asked anything for my partner, that's fair.

Producer Sean 9:31

I feel like it would be fun.

Daniel 9:35

You know, like that scene in 40 year old virgin.

Dina 9:37

Oh Jesus, como se llama No, Kelly Clarkson, You know have you guys ever seen a bad mom's Christmas?

Daniel 9:45

Yes, no, actually, maybe Oh my God So. Kelly loves that movie.

Dina 9:50

Oh my God. So there's the one of the main women, or whatever. She's a professional waxer or whatever they're called, and she, like, falls in love with this dude by waxing his butt.

Daniel 10:00

A hair removal specialist.

Dina 10:02

Yeah.

Daniel 10:03

Yes, all right. So, dina, is there a line that even you wouldn't let Tim cross, if Tim was willing?

Dina 10:13

Butthole.

Daniel 10:14

Butthole Everything's.

Producer Sean 10:15

Yeah, i told you, butthole is the answer.

Daniel 10:17

Yeah, yeah, fair enough, i agree with you. I mean, i already let my wife know that when she was pregnant I was not shaving like her, that this is just either seek out a professional or go on. But I agree, i think Butthole is the line. I can't believe she would trust you with a blade anywhere near her body.

Dina 10:36

I agree, i agree.

Daniel 10:38

That's a surprising thing here.

Dina 10:39

I want you to know that even my sister's abusive ex-fiance shaved her for her when she was pregnant. So you're a piece of shit, oh.

Daniel 10:48

Jesus, you're worse than an abusive husband, is what she's saying All right. Well, we've sunk to a whole new low here on the podcast and apparently Daniel is about this big of scum that scum can get right now. So sorry, mom.

Dina 11:09

All right All right.

Favorite Moments and Inside Jokes

Daniel 11:11

So, guys, before we get too far off track, last week we had on LA aka Lori Cunningham. Dina, what was your favorite part of the last episode?

Dina 11:21

I liked it all I loved being out of the loop for all of the jokes. That was so fun.

Daniel 11:32

Yes, that's classic, dina. Well, don't worry, we're going to protect you on that soon enough. We're going to. We're going to teach you some lessons in our game today, dina.

Daniel 11:40

Okay, can't wait, and Sean, what was your favorite part, buddy? I mean, clearly it was red flags. I mean that game's always a blast, but Lori really leaned into it and we had a great time. Yeah, i agree, and we've really like, at some point. Do we need to do an intervention about Dina and her cousins? because between her story time, which was dated her cousin, and then the red flags like I'm sensing a thing here.

Daniel 12:07

I think you're adding the second part, because I don't think it was second cousin. I think it just says cousin. Yeah, i don't think second cousin was on the table there, dina. It either said cousin or it said relative. It wasn't clear on what it was, but it's to you. It's the lesser of two evils, for whatever it was, that's gonna be the Dina slogan Cousins, roll, tide, roll, tide, roll tide. Yeah, listen, man, lori was so much fun. Man, she's just such an entertaining personality. Her books and her comic books are incredible. Definitely I'm gonna get that copy of the children's book for my wife because she'll get a kick out of that stuff. Surviving Kids as Hell. Hopefully someday you'll learn about that. Dina, you can join in hell with me and Sean, don't do it?

Dina 12:52

Why do you have children? Why do you All right?

Daniel 12:55

guys So Sean.

Dina 13:00

Someday I'd love to be involved in an inside joke.

Daniel 13:05

Sean, we drink a lot on this show and allegedly We like, allegedly, any of our employers listening. It's all water. Don't worry, sean. What if people wanted to drink along with us? No, we have a drinking game that we play every single episode One.

Daniel 13:23

If you hear this buzzer, that means someone has said a word that triggers a drink. There's a list of four or five words of phrases that will trigger that buzzer. So listen up for those and drink along with us at home, responsibly, of course. Also, we are all part of Buffalo Club Here at Don't Make It Weird, which means we drink with our off hands. So we're all righties here. That means we have to drink with our left hand. If we're caught drinking with our right hand, someone else can yell Buffalo and force us to chug the rest of our drink. We will do it. We will drink anytime, anywhere middle of the day. Don't give a shit. If you see us buffaloing, fucking call it out. It's for life, baby. Buffalo Club is for life. I tried to go fishing the other day and just text Sean Buffalo randomly Did not work. One of these days I will.

Producer Sean 14:07

I'll catch him, he did.

Daniel 14:09

And, by the way, if you falsely accuse someone of a Buffalo, you get reversed Buffalo and have to finish your drink. From 3000 miles away, daniel reverse Buffaloed himself and sent me a video of him chugging his Chardonnay shot. It's a Pino Grigio, so it was an excellent, excellent here. All I know is it was some kind of bottom shelf white wine from the grocery store. I would be offended that you would assume that I went bottom shelf, but it was bottom shelf.

Dina 14:35

It is bottom shelf.

Daniel 14:37

Yeah, no, absolutely, it was a screw top and not from New.

Dina 14:40

Zealand.

Daniel 14:44

Dina, you know what? Keep your shit together, because it's time for my favorite segment of every one of our family episodes. It's a new segment and one that I'm very excited about, because you see out here in the world, guys, it's hard to know fiction from reality. And in here on the Don't Make a Weird podcast, we want to blur that line further and we want to dive deep into the dark reaches of TikTok. You know, conspiracy corner for us.

Dina 15:09

I have two and I made it to conspiracy bird talk finally, yes, we're going to turn real TikTok.

Daniel 15:16

Birds aren't real baby.

Dina 15:18

Birds aren't real. I don't know. Like there wasn't a whole lot to this video. It was kind of dumb, but like I sent it to Sean because I was super, super excited that I made it to fake bird, it was Ben.

Daniel 15:27

Shapiro, daniel. Oh God, of course it was Ben Shapiro, oh no that is. He was looking at. He was watching a video of someone making a drone out of like actual taxidermied bird feathers. Yeah, instead of having you know rotors, it has flapping wings and he's like terrified. He's like he's like this is terrifying And it was obviously not a real bird, but like I guess from a distance it could be convincing. Yeah, yeah, I love it, so all right. So what did we learn about birds not being real, dina?

Dina 16:02

Just that they are actually trying to make like fake birds and like we would never know from that distance And like it, it's wings flapped very accurately and wait until you.

Daniel 16:11

You get to the corner of conspiracy tiktok, where they claim that all birds are already drones. Birds are installed by governments around the world to, to watch all of us, and that every single bird on the planet is actually a government drone.

Daniel 16:28

Because, we need birds to spy on us And the ultimate conspiracy theory that the the bald eagle is our great American mascot but also the biggest spy on all of us of them all Cause I mean, who's going to turn on the bald eagle? It'd be so weird if someone like hit one and then had to bury the evidence right, like that'd be fine.

Producer Sean 16:49

Why do you think it's?

Daniel 16:49

illegal to kill a bald eagle. I mean right there in front of you all Wake up America.

Dina 16:56

Okay, so now here's for like the serious good one, cause, like we all know about, like conspiracy bird talk, like that's not new, but like I'm happy that I made it, so I made it to Kobe talk. So Kobe Bryant, that's his last name, right, kobe, that guy. Yep, that's a sports ball legend that died tragically.

Daniel 17:18

Basketball player Yes.

Dina 17:21

His death was a setup, so somebody paid to have him killed. So three days before he, or three three days after, it was set whenever he died. So three days later he was supposed to go to court because he was, um, supposed to testify in a trial against this company that was using the name black mamba, which I believe was like his sports ball name or whatever His brand Yeah.

Dina 17:47

So um this was like an energy supplement or something, and the three companies that were partners that, like made this um supplement were. It was allegedly discovered that they were lacing the supplement with opioids to make it more addictive. So Kobe was suing them for the name and then also for the opioid lacing And nobody had really heard of this because he never got to testify. So like everything was dropped, supposedly um, but it was believed that his partner that was supposed to go in with him had ties to these three companies that were making this energy supplement and paid to have him killed. So that's where I'm at on conspiracy Tick tock.

Daniel 18:36

So, the helicopter pilot and the three children and the Children were also on collateral damage Yeah. Helicopter, all of it collateral damage.

Daniel 18:47

So for the record, I just want to stay with this one because when it comes to anything involving death of children or anything like that, we hear the Domek weird podcast. do not support or adhere to this conspiracy theory. We are just listening and talking about it purely for comical reasons. It is a tragic death and fuck anyone that would belay the tragedy by you know making up a weird shit. That being said, holy fuck, how would they think they could get away with lacing it with opioids and that Kobe Bryant would be the only one to find the answer?

Dina 19:16

Right.

Daniel 19:17

I was going to say maybe LeBron killed Kobe.

Producer Sean 19:19

So I have, like you know, oh my God, being higher on the all time list.

Daniel 19:24

Yeah, So yeah, absolutely. I mean, how do we know Michael Jordan's not behind it? You know he got in deep with gambling debt.

Producer Sean 19:30

Maybe had to walk away.

Dina 19:31

He took this personally Yeah It was big pharma, You know big pharma, big pharma.

Daniel 19:35

dude, don't fuck with big pharma. It's just like imagine. it's like we've put fentanyl and all these drinks. No one will ever fucking notice, like, why is everyone not feeling their drug tests for fentanyl now?

Dina 19:51

I mean, that's like. I'm in trouble for putting Teflon in their orange juice. I don't know.

Daniel 19:57

Today I learned that's an actual lawsuit that's going on right now.

Dina 20:00

Yeah, i'll do Coca Cola and.

Daniel 20:01

Pepsi, their parent companies own every drink.

Producer Sean 20:04

Oh.

Daniel 20:04

I know that, but I wouldn't think of it as like orange juice. I would make it like I would think about it, like, yeah, it's a different company, that's just like a subsidiary, But no, that's excellent. Well, i think you did an excellent job reporting, because my mind is blown I have not even heard a hint of this conspiracy theory before, and right, that was a good one.

Dina 20:23

That was a really good one, and I'm just trying.

Daniel 20:26

Yeah, i thought for sure that it was going to be Kobe Bryant's a crisis actor and that he's actually secretly I was going to say he's fake.

Producer Sean 20:32

Yeah, he faked his death.

Daniel 20:34

This is where I thought that was going. He's in Africa with Tupac and Biggie right now And Elvis Presley And Elvis Presley I mean Charlie's there and are actually the same person, Yeah. Yeah, but part of his skin mask in the autopsy. I see eyes.

Dina 20:55

You can see it in the eyes.

Daniel 20:57

He blinks sideways, all right.

Dina 21:00

So, guys, i tried to do that.

Daniel 21:03

You can't Just turn your head sideways. Perfect, that's going to make it on the thumbnails later. There it is Daniel's making the thumbnail this week. You guys, sean, you know I'm just trying to make more work for you at this point, yeah, but yeah. So, guys, i think it's time to finally get serious, to settle down, to do a segment that we in no way stole from the We Have Issues podcast and a completely original segment where we check in on our writing journey and hold each other accountable Kind of a little buddy, if you know what you want to read us off.

Dina 21:48

I've done nothing.

Daniel 21:50

Oh, it's almost like you launched an entire book and have been going through sales and promotions and nothing's happened since then.

Dina 21:58

Check out Nothing Special It's amazing What. I keep forgetting to promote it.

Daniel 22:03

So Oh, i'm just hoping to buy my book. It's really good. It's her background, it's right there, right, bill on Yeah, yeah, right there, nothing Special by Dina S, a very well reviewed, very well regarded book. That you will. Definitely it's a horror novel, which is weird for Dina, but you know, some say it's the best book. The best one, yeah.

Dina 22:27

There is one laugh. What is the rom-com?

Daniel 22:31

There is exactly one, confirmed Exactly. So you know, curl up by campfire, tell some spooky stories and read. Nothing special will be perfect. So what about you, sean? Got anything going on? buddy, nothing huge, although I will say that Dina and I might be collaborating on something kind of cool for your novel release, daniel and that's all we're going to say about it right now Fucking tease me.

Daniel 22:58

All right, all right. This is literally the first I've heard about this, and now Sean has dropped that grenade and it's going to bother me now for the next three or four months until my book comes out. So thank you for that, sean.

Daniel 23:11

I appreciate it Just as we wanted Thank you, and also we missed you know well, i fell asleep, but we I got it on the actual birthday. It was Sean's birthday in the interim before this episode was recorded. So, sean, sometime in the last four months was my birthday, depending on when this comes out, Give or take. Give or take four or five months. And for me, dina I know you're going to be shocked by this, but I did two major things that could actually constitute being writerly.

Daniel 23:47

Oh what One One. I actually finished beta reading for Shannon Shout out, shannon, i think that will be praised And I you know her little work in progress book which is, you know, as always. Shannon is disgustingly talented And every time I read her work I feel worse about myself and my writing ability Really funny book, and so I actually had fun doing that and sending her the Jar Jar cut, you know, kept the tradition alive, you initiated her. Good, yeah, yeah, she's. Now her book has been Jar Jar. So, yeah, hopefully I get to see that one come out, because it's fucking awesome. And I went back through and did some continuity edits and basic, just updating edits for my second book in the cryptid protection series, the thing that Dina probably asked me to do six months ago.

Dina 24:37

Easily Probably Yeah.

Daniel 24:39

Yeah, but finally got around to it and it now makes sense with over nine months ago. No way, you was easily 10 and a half months ago. We're just adding goddamn numbers here, guys. No, because Miriam wasn't pregnant when you asked me to update book to.

Dina 24:57

Yeah.

Daniel 24:58

And how old is your, is your son buddy, a little over two months as of the recording of this thing, and he's super.

Producer Sean 25:03

It's been about a year.

Friendship, Music, and Storytime

Daniel 25:08

No, you can't say no, there's no way. We'll find the text messages, we'll find the receipts. I predict six months, but if you guys, maybe we'll just run a total tally of a bet on how long it took me to follow through on what Dina asked me to do. So, audience at home, you can get in on how many months ago she asked. It's on DraftKings right now, your DraftKings app, not a sponsor. So, yeah, so excited about that, excited to actually have this one torn apart and made better again, hopefully if someone picks it up. So, fingers crossed. Last boys, press, call me. I love you, but yeah, so that's kind of where I'm at.

Dina 25:51

I see Oh boy.

Daniel 25:56

It's a voice mail. You've got a voice mail, Oh hello, Hello friends.

Producer Sean 26:03

I know this voice, arnold, it's.

Arnold 26:06

Arnold, i called once before and I hope you remember me. I make a lot of friends. I hope you're many of them, at least three or four. I don't know if they're guests on the show. If they're guests, you're also involved in all of my friendship. From now on, i will put a tattoo of your name on my back along with the rest. It's a very long and complicated story to find it.

Arnold 26:28

My whole, my whole life's journey is on youtube. com/@ crit stupid. Go check that out. But for Dina and Daniel and Sean, i did write this song for you because I promised I would and I am a part of my word. So here it is. I hope you like it and I hope you're doing well and I hope we keep best friends and I hope you also get my name tattooed on you. You don't have to, it's not like obligatory, but if you want already have we already have your names on my back.

Arnold 26:58

Please don't change your names, and if you do, let me know and I'll also get those names on my back. Okay, here's my song, thank you.

Daniel 27:59

This is so goddamn wholesome This is literally glassy eyed right now.

Daniel 28:07

I was expecting that to be jokes and like things, but he just made me happy and all like glassy man, fucking outro song. Yeah, we have, i mean, i would. That should be our fucking theme song. God damn it Like hard stop. This is part of every episode, from hence going forward, do we all? are we all in agreement? I absolutely agree and, with Arnold's permission, i will use it as the outro song moving forward. God bless you. Arnold. Aka, check out crit, stupid. The whole freaking show is incredible. It's probably the best D&D show out there right now. In my humble, unbiased opinion, you guys got to check it out. It's just fucking hilarious. Pam, all right, we're in our feels today. Guys, if you want to also get us in your feels, if you want to be part of this, maybe make music, maybe dance, maybe just tell Dina you love her. I don't know, but you can leave us a voicemail at 347 69 weird, that's 347699 347. Yeah, dina, would you say the charities? Yes, 73. Dina, you know? would you say the charities?

Dina 29:26

Sure.

Daniel 29:28

Well, in that case, do you tease the audience a little bit, because I heard you have a special story time for us.

Dina 29:36

Today we're going to talk about a story that. I actually thought that I was going to wait till people died to tell. But you know what, fuck it. So fucking we're going to tell the story about the wedding that I did not want to attend.

Daniel 29:49

It's pretty good. If you wanted to tell this one right. This is the one that you wanted to win.

Dina 29:54

Yeah, so we actually think is like redeem themselves OK.

Daniel 29:59

So the audience redeemed themselves. Like we're in a good place now with the audience, because last time you were a little upset with them and yeah. All right. Well, i'm excited, and I'm even more excited about this, dina. I'm going to be completely honest, because so, for the folks at home that don't realize, dina grew up in a very unique environment, a unique situation, some might say little closed off from the rest of society, is that? is that, right, dina?

Dina 30:28

Yeah, just like a little bit of like teenage dirtbag meets. like I'm just a kid, yeah.

Exploring Sexual Slang and Definitions

Daniel 30:33

Yeah, so. So Dina grew up very innocent and there's a lot of times that the horrible, disgusting people that me and Sean are happen to first her bubble about slaying and terms and things that happen in a world. Yeah, yeah, oh, dina, oh, bless your heart. And so it is our responsibility to ruin the purity that is Dina. So we've come up with a very special game segment, sean. What would you say? it is? Oh God. Daniel's been wanting to do this for probably a year. We're calling it the sexual lexicon challenge in this game.

Daniel 31:17

Daniel has prepared a number of words or phrases sourced from urban dictionary. Usually they're going to be pretty sexual or explicit in nature, but might not necessarily sound like something sexual. I've been taking it face value. Daniel's going to present these words, one at a time, to Dina. She's going to take a stab at guessing what it actually means in the slang And we're going to actually teach her what it really means. So after this, everyone's going to need a shower or bath, whichever you prefer. Oh yeah, dina might literally walk off the show at the end of this because, bless her little golden heart And I'm very excited to bring her down to our level.

Daniel 31:58

So, folks at home, if you've got children listening I do have children, perfect. But also, like, maybe just pause this episode and listen to it a little bit later. If you're worried, if you're at the workplace, in public, anywhere where you're worried about all the gross, disgusting things that we're about to talk about, or if those things offend you in general, just go ahead and fast forward. It's fine, we love you. We can just post this list online later for you, it'll be fine. But, dina, this is your last chance.

Daniel 32:28

Just remember from this point on, in the multiverse, you will never be the same. You'll never be able to go back to what you were before this listing. Are you ready? And Sean, you've got the definitions ready. You're going to give us your breast regal Breast Yes, breast Yes. I'll get my breast reading. I appreciate that. I know what you want, i will deliver. Thank you, baby. All right, so, dina, our first word. our first word is a classic made famous by Zachary make a porno starring Seth Rogan. This is the Dutch rudder.

Producer Sean 33:05

Dutch rudder.

Dina 33:08

Should wait. No, I've heard this one. You guys have said this one before.

Daniel 33:11

Yeah, it's very important, big part of our relationship.

Dina 33:17

It's definitely you guys, but I don't remember what they're doing.

Daniel 33:24

Give us your best. You got to give us something.

Dina 33:26

It's two guys doing something with their pain.

Daniel 33:30

You can also ask Daniel for a hand. I have a hand. I will not be touching myself, but I will be touching. Sean will be touching me.

Dina 33:41

Yeah, so it's just two guys.

Daniel 33:46

I mean that's close, close, but it's not. It's missing an important, important detail. Yeah, yeah.

Producer Sean 34:00

So Sean what we are doing, teacher.

Daniel 34:04

All right, A Dutch rudder. Someone complete the act of masturbation by pulling up and down on the forearm while the male holds its own penis. Example snake cake gave tongue in a Dutch rudder because there were two freaky people who like to try new things. So yeah so Sean is very similar to the Mormons. Oh, have we done them? Yeah, we talked about Mormon, so we talked about Mormon So yeah very similar concept to the Mormon, so we're not doing the action ourselves.

Dina 34:38

Shakes the bed.

Daniel 34:40

Yeah, yeah, and a double Dutch rudder is when you're doing it to each other. So you're working his shoulder while he holds his penis. He works your shoulder while he holds his penis. So it's like you're indirectly jerking off, but not really, yeah, so totally count, like it's not cheating, right, you know, it's just you do such, you just rub in your buddy's shoulder.

Daniel 34:59

I mean just a shoulder. All right, dina, here we go. We're ready for the next one, because the Dutch rudder is us starting off light. Starting off light and easy for you, yeah, that's like. This one goes out to Stevie Wilde card And this is called. This one's called Charizarding Charizarding, the verb of the Pokemon Charizard.

Dina 35:24

It's got to be something.

Daniel 35:25

but You think that's the yeah, it goes with.

Dina 35:30

But like smoking hot shits, but like it's like two girls in a cup with smoking hot shit. Throwback. That's my, so it's like so you think of it as lighting?

Daniel 35:40

lighting shit on fire sexually. Okay, all right, i like that.

Dina 35:43

Oh, it's just like spicy poop, but okay, no, that's my final answer.

Daniel 35:48

Okay, All right Sean, All right, Charizarding. When you light the girl's pubes on fire, put it out with your own jizz. then flap your arms and say you don't have enough matches to train me Charizarding. I had not heard of that one before. I just let the visual just flap it.

Arnold 36:19

Oh shit, perfect, Perfect. I uh, what would be your reaction if Tim?

Daniel 36:24

tried to change the game. I think it would be a little bit more fun, i think it would be a little bit more fun. I think it would be a little bit more fun. I think it would be a little bit more fun. Deanette, what would be your reaction if Tim tried to charge our arc? If?

Dina 36:36

somebody lit. No, i would literally shoot him in the face, that's not metaphorical Right to the face immediately.

Daniel 36:45

Yeah, that's just the little-. You could just let your leg hair on fire and then you don't have to shave. Tim, there you go. That's the solution to your back problem, full circle.

Dina 36:52

I would take it as a personal hate crime.

Daniel 36:55

Personal hate crime from the dinosaurist class of protected individuals. All right, well, you're doing great so far. So, deanette, let's talk about a one that involves a lot of work. It is called the Flying Circus.

Dina 37:15

Nope, don't like this. You're doing something in the trapeze.

Producer Sean 37:22

It's the former owner of the circus elephant.

Daniel 37:24

Oh, my God, what if it's like Just having sex on a trapeze.

Dina 37:28

No, what are those? um, uh, the ribbon people that, like they like, dance with the ribbon dancers Yeah. No, they're like trapeze artists, but with ropes, on them.

Daniel 37:44

Oh, like they climb like it's like a silk rope that they do like aerial and shit from.

Dina 37:48

Yeah.

Daniel 37:49

Slack line. Slack line, i think that's yeah.

Dina 37:52

You're definitely doing it on the slack line On the slack line.

Daniel 37:56

I like it. That's creative. yeah, it's some creative sexing Sean what's a flying circus?

Daniel 38:02

It's an orgy Orgy on the slack line. That's a sex in which a woman is reverse cowgirl on top of a man and they then attempt to jump or throw her to another man standing by a wall Unbeknownst to her. The second man plans to sidestep her and let her hit the wall and fall down, hopefully leaving her writhing in agony. Then both men ejaculate on her. What the fuck? Daniel James found out his girlfriend was cheating on him, so he gave that bitch the flying circus.

Dina 38:37

Oh, my god Yeah.

Daniel 38:42

I think you need to up your game with your guesses, Dina, I'm sorry. yeah, I didn't expect this to be like something violent.

Dina 38:49

Jeez, i didn't either.

Daniel 38:52

We don't condone violence towards women or any of these abusive sex acts. but that's just got loony tune vibes Like if they ever did a loony tune to porno. Yeah, I did get loony tune vibes from them. I also am a firm believer and maybe I'm hopefully naive that these are not sexual acts that other people actually perform. They're just a lot of creative individuals here, so rest easy. Yeah, by the way, this definition was submitted by a username, a terrible person on July 8, 2006.

Producer Sean 39:20

If your username checks out.

Daniel 39:23

If any of you guys have been victims of a flying circus, please call us and relate the experience and maybe a lawyer.

Dina 39:32

Please don't try to perform the flying circus on anybody.

Daniel 39:35

Please don't, don't make it weird. We do not condone any of this, all right. So in a slightly less violent one, we've got a potentially problematic wording for this one, but this is the spicy gringo, spicy gringo.

Dina 39:57

So it's definitely a Spanish man that is taking a shit on a white girl, you're really obsessed with this shitting part of it.

Producer Sean 40:05

I just feel like you're going to pick something? Yeah, You know I'm pretty well.

Daniel 40:14

I mean, yeah, you might be right. Yeah, that's actually your psychic powers are starting to happen, sean. What's a spicy gringo? The spicy gringo The act of stuffing a woman's rear end with a volcano taco from Taco Bell and then eating it. Kyle has a sombrero and a fake mustache in his closet. If ever someone decides to meet the spicy gringo, so I guess you dress in costume. Yeah, very, very important to dress in costume While eating a volcano taco out of someone's rear end. I feel like that would just be painful for everyone involved. Yeah, i don't see that as a win. I mean, listen, i wanted to kind of give you a palette cleanser here, dina, before we get on to the final three We got. We got three more left Just flying through these bad, we're just going right, right through it. So, dina, we're lighting around. Dina, what's the ramen? yamaka, ramen, yamaka. Oh no, this is totally racist.

Daniel 41:20

No, well, it's the Jewish people and Japanese cultures, Yeah, yeah Are you stuffing somebody's butt with ramen and they're Jewish?

Dina 41:29

No, we've moved on from stuffing rear end.

Daniel 41:33

So they're uncircumcised.

Dina 41:34

Uncircumcised. Oh, you're putting something in a belly button and you're not circumcised. OK, got it.

Daniel 41:50

OK. Sex with your belly button, with non circumcised penis, all choice, i'm in for it. Yeah, sean, what's the ramen yamaka? The ramen yamaka Oh God, i might not make it through this The name given to the material ejected onto a philata's head while being vomited on by the person they are philating.

Producer Sean 42:12

Oh, don't like that, don't like that.

Daniel 42:19

It's just like a little hat, you know. No, don't like that. Ok, maybe you'll like this next one a little bit more. This would be the unicorn. There could be nothing wrong with a unicorn, right.

Dina 42:34

Oh, it's definitely like they're definitely putting a penis on a forehead.

Daniel 42:40

Go Penis on forehead, stick it out. Ok, this is probably the closest that you've gotten to a forehead.

Producer Sean 42:48

I'm going to give it to her.

Daniel 42:50

I'm going to give it to her. You're going to give her this one. All right, i'm going to give it to her. I'm going to give it to her. She got it right. Well, the definition I found, anyway, is strapping a dildo to your head and charging full throttle and drilling into the recipient, into the vagina or anus. So, yeah, i think you got it right. Yeah, yeah, definitely. I think that that penis-lack-jaw is just a scuff.

Daniel 43:17

I think your job off the floor because we got one more baby, and this is a founding father of our country, a very important man to American history. If we can't all stand up and do the Ben Franklin, then what are we doing here?

Dina 43:32

Doing it on a horse in a wig.

Daniel 43:36

On a horse in a wig Powdered wig I like it. I like it. The Ben Franklin The act of running a buzzer across the top of someone's head as they are fileting you, hence rendering them bald on top and leaving their hair longer on the sides. Notes may be more successful when performed in a manner that appears spontaneous to the fileter. So here's the thing. You actually found a different definition for this than what I had. Can I read you what I had for this one? Sure, all right.

Daniel 44:06

So The Ben Franklin is one of the oldest sex acts in the United States. In fact, it was invented by Ben Franklin ten minutes after his famous kite experiment. He used it on 96 of the 100 women he impregnated. Wait until your girlfriend is on the rag and, while she is giving you a blowjob, tie a skeleton key on the string of her tampon and rub an inflated balloon on her head. The K version differs While you are receiving a blowjob, you tie a skeleton key on a string and stick that, key up your partner's ass and rub an inflated balloon on their head. Incredible, the gross, reginald. My pussy hurts from the bugs being zapped by that Ben Franklin you gave me last month. I could have used a tampon as makeup for a minstrel show. How are we feeling after that one gang, dina?

Dina 45:03

Moving on.

Daniel 45:04

I'm so glad we finished this segment. So, dina, on a scale of 1 to 10, how dirty do you feel right now? Like cleanliness, not like fun. Dirty, like I can never get clean again. Dirty.

Dina 45:19

So today we're going to talk about for our discussion segment is the art of storytelling.

Daniel 45:29

Alright. So, guys, we know that we like to have fun discussion segments, we like to stretch our writerly brains, put on our writer's hat, and today we're going to be talking about the art of storytelling in books. So you know, this is, i think, a very important thing that can get lost on a lot of stuff, you know, because we try to sell the tropes. We try to sell, oh, you know, it's going to have all these different things in it, but what about the story itself? So I guess, dina, i'm going to start with you and we'll kind of just pinball it back and forth. What would you say are some of the elements that make a great story, like in terms of storytelling specifically?

Dina 46:03

Well, i was kind of actually leading us in sort of a different kind of direction because I thought that this would be cool for people to hear. So, first of all, we know the basic elements of storytelling. You need to capture your audience. You have to have a point, you have to have character arcs and a reason why something is happening. You want to motivate people and get them involved in the story. That sort of diagram of storytelling is actually a very English, american hearing culture art.

Dina 46:40

So like other cultures, for example, deaf culture, does not tell stories the same way that American English hearing people tell stories. So, like American English, English hearing people.

Daniel 46:54

I'm going to pause you real quick, Just for folks at home. if you don't realize or don't know, Dina works professionally as a ASL interpreter and works very heavily with the deaf community and has a lot of expertise on this subject.

Dina 47:09

Yeah. So the American hearing people will tell their they'll have, like they'll set like your setting for your story and like they'll tell you what's happening, and then, like they slowly narrow it down almost to the point where it's like an upside down triangle. So they start broad and then you get narrower and narrower until you get to the point which could be your, you know, like whatever cliffhanger or your the whole tagline for your story, like whatever it be, whether this is spoken or written word, but like, for example, deaf culture will tell the story in the shape of a diamond. So they start with it, like they state the point and like the ending of the story right away, and then they go really, really broad and like you have no fucking clue, like why you're telling me all this, and then you start to narrow it down again, so like they kind of sandwich their stories and like go way off topic and very, very, very broad in the middle of the story.

Dina 48:04

So storytelling like and like, i personally don't like that. I find it very, very tedious and annoying and boring, sorry, and I'm just kind of like can we get to the fucking point here? Like you, i need the point again, like I don't care unless we get to the point. So I just thought that it was kind of interesting to think about storytelling based on culture, because we appreciate stories based on how we were brought up and based on our culture and how we identify, and I don't think that people realize that.

Daniel 48:35

And that is actually really interesting because I'm sure that you know if we actually researched. You know, because I've read some like books from you know, again, i read predominantly fantasy books or sci-fi And I've read some stuff from, like, chinese authors, japanese authors, you know, some African authors, things like that, and there is definitely a different style to all of these storytelling that I would definitely say is more kind of cultural And it is interesting the differences And I guess, when we're talking about this, you know there's not one way to be a successful storyteller, but there are some elements and things that are going to help you more than others. So I guess if you had to rank them, dina, and we talked about and let's say, you know what matters to you most when you're reading a story characters, plot setting or themes, like like, how would you rank them? Character, plot setting or theme.

Dina 49:28

Character development is the most important for me, and then I got a plot, and then setting and then theme. That's what draws me in because, like I don't give a shit about your world without your characters.

Daniel 49:40

Sorry, And honestly I know this is going to be shocking here, this might be a don't make a weird first exclusive, but I agree with Dina's order right there. Like, and you know, this is just, i know, i know And you know again, this is just my own personal feelings. Everyone gets something different out of every book. But, like I think that, especially in today's day and age, character development is everything.

Daniel 50:05

If I don't buy in, if your characters are two dimensional and flat man, i just I can't get invested because at the end of the day, stories are a human thing, like they are telling us, you know, in its own way, about the human experience, about you know, and I want to be able to connect, to relate, and I think that if you try to get too, i don't know, philosophical with it or to like zoomed out of the base conflict, so much can get lost And then, like you said, plot is really, you know, it's everything to me. And what's interesting, i guess I would say, is that, you know, for the longest time, conflict and conflict resolution used to be one of the big elements of storytelling. But I think that, and tell me, if you disagree, that something about modern audiences, they kind of like lower stakes, not everything has to be save the world or marriage or death, like we kind of are getting a little bit more into the slice of life like lower stakes storytelling, yeah.

Dina 51:06

No, i agree. I think that people want a reality with like a little bit of magic, because our world is so fucking shitty. So people want to be able to literally put themselves in this and be like, yeah, i believe this, without having to be the big hero and be the fucking Superman of the story. They don't necessarily want that these days. They just want a tiny little escape that makes them feel good.

Daniel 51:37

And I agree, i agree And there's a place for all of these different things. But I don't know, just with the booktiles I'm seeing and the popular stuff, like, we just want to go back to having a little bit of fun, man, just enjoy ourselves a little bit with that. What would you say about, when it comes to storytelling, finding that balance between dialogue and exposition? What's your kind of sweet spot with that?

Dina 52:06

I think that you can easily go wrong with too much dialogue. I mean you can go wrong with too much of both. You definitely need a balance. But you can go wrong with too much dialogue because a lot of times people will info dump using dialogue and it's information that the character should already know. So then your characters just seem really dumb or really condescending And it's like can you just? you could have worded this better, you could have put this into thoughts, you could have had something like I didn't mean that to be to understand your world, and I didn't mean that in dialogue.

Daniel 52:47

I know exactly what you're talking about, because that's become a pet peeve ever since that. You might have been the one that pointed it out to me, but when it's like you know, jim, you know we had to spend the summer here because I lost my job, blah, blah, blah, it's like, okay, both characters would know this. We just drove across the entire state to be in this whatever random location. Why are you restating this information?

Dina 53:10

You're telling me that we didn't know why we were going somewhere. Yeah, crazy Yeah.

Dialogue and Trust in the Audience

Daniel 53:18

That drives me crazy. But like I will go on the inverse of this. I prefer books that have a little bit more dialogue, heavy Again, and this is typically coming from that kind of fantasy setting where you know there happens to be the Tolkien, you know the Tolkien people who are like I'm going to spend an entire chapter describing this forest. And a good exposition is good. But also when I just see a fucking wall of text that isn't broken up by anything, i just sit there, bless you. I just sit there and I'm like, oh God, this is so boring, let me just skip ahead four pages. Like I think dialogue really helps you kind of get a little bit more fast paced and you could do a good info dump in dialogue, as long as you're not letting that dialogue be a fucking monologue. You know what I mean. We're if you're just saying yeah, yeah.

Dina 54:05

So thank you very much. I was just gonna say, as long as the dialogue isn't info, like, you can info dump and dialogue carefully. if the info dump isn't something that the characters already know, like why are you repeating stuff that you already know?

Daniel 54:22

Yeah, and so listen, we got about a minute here. We're gonna wrap this up really quick, but you know, I think for me the biggest thing is that finding ways to strip away and just be at the meteor story, be in the moment, know when to walk around a little bit and just keep the thing going. Don't let yourself get bogged down because you feel like you have to tell a bunch of settings, that you feel like you have to give all the readers information. Trust your readers to understand what you're doing with context clues, with background information, things that let you be forward. My best advice to writers when it comes to being a good storyteller is trust your audience. Not everything has to be dynamically explained. Dina, what about you?

Dina 55:02

Yeah, sometimes the audience just doesn't need to know. You can know as the writer if that helps you, but they don't have to know everything.

Daniel 55:08

They really don't. Yeah, and just guys, the story matters. I guess that would be my whole thing is that we get so caught up on breaking down the elements of the story and that you know what's popular, what's not, what tropes are popular, what's not. The story matters. The journey is more important than the destinations and these little landmarks that you plot out, like, just let yourself be a storyteller. All right, guys, you, you, you, you, you, you, you beard with us. We got to have a good talk on storytelling. I hope that we get to kind of jump into it a little bit more, because there's man, we could talk about this for hours. So, speaking of stories, you see, we're all about storytelling here And, as such, we try to share a fun story each week. So, without further ado, it's story time with Dinosaurus.

Dina 56:01

Okay, so we're not going back very far. It's like a um, this is, this is part of like a saga in my life.

Producer Sean 56:12

Like so, but it's a little.

Dina 56:14

We're going to go out of order because we go based on audience votes, all right. So we're kind of dropping into the middle of this ongoing saga in my life To catch people up a little bit. There's a whole side of my family that I no longer associate with. They just owned me a long time ago but they make it my fault because they're really good at gaslighting and not having boundaries. So I was my grandmother. I do not talk to her, we do not associate at all but she got remarried and I was not invited to the wedding but my mother wanted me to come with her as her date because my dad had already passed away at this point And I didn't want to go.

Dina 57:01

But I also have an obligation to my mother and I try to make her happy if I can And I decided that I would go and I was going to bring a friend to make it bearable, because I do. I have this rule within my marriage. I do not make my husband associate with people, even if they're family. I do not make him associate with them if he doesn't like them. And if I don't like them, like it's my choice to go, i'm going to go. He's not required to go with me, so I brought a friend with me instead.

Daniel 57:32

So it sounds like my dream of being like a fake wedding date is on the table for the future. Is that what you're saying?

Dina 57:39

Absolutely yes, it's possible.

Daniel 57:41

Yes, i'm going to get Tim's tag. All right, keep going sorry.

Dina 57:46

So I did not want to go to this wedding, but I went and I brought a friend and we decided that in order to get through it, we were going to bring my wine bra And I was dressed up and brought the wine bra Throwback for back to Chad Ryan. Shout out. So I was very dressed. I like looked my best. I don't even think I like looked that good and in that good of shape since my wedding. Like I looked fucking good And we can post pictures because I'm real proud of that day.

Daniel 58:21

All right, all right, we'll post that up, but I had my wine bra. Wow, dina, you look so incredible, so incredible in this picture, wouldn't you agree, sean?

Dina 58:30

Thank you.

Daniel 58:31

Just amazing. Sorry, continue.

Dina 58:35

Okay, so it's. Oh, it was at a Catholic church. I'm not Catholic, I don't know anything about it, but like we were sitting, we sat in the very, very back of this church and we sipped on my wine bra the entire wedding and that's super drunk in the back of this church. I don't know if that's a sinner or not.

Daniel 58:56

I'm not Catholic, like I said, So I wish my friend was just like This is a Gaya girl date, gaya girl date.

Dina 59:02

Girl.

Daniel 59:03

Girl. I just want to know who is reaching into the wine. bra here, like.

Dina 59:07

So it's got a straw, remember. So like she's just like drinking from my arm, but it's also like drinking from my boob, so like mixed feelings about it.

Producer Sean 59:20

Nobody noticed. I had to like point it out to cousins like that.

Dina 59:25

We were getting super drunk and I was like, hey, you want to sip in my poop juice? And after that I wound up super drunk but then also an aunt that I don't associate with that we'll find out later on in this saga Why Decided to tell me that I looked fatter than I've ever been and said that I looked horrible and made me cry. So Yeah, so that's the story of how I Oh definitely taken the low road.

Daniel 59:58

Dina, if you don't mind one second, we here at the don't make a weird podcast recommend everyone take the high road, turn the other cheek and do nice things for other people, even if they're rude, but we, as your hosts, will always take the low road on your behalf. So, dina's aunt, i'm not gonna look at you right here. Fuck you All right. Fuck you. You piece of shit. How dare, how dare. Never in my life have I seen anyone have the audacity, the audacity, the sheer gall To be smirch Dinosaurus like that. So I hope you apologize, i hope that you step on a Lego with no shoes on And I hope that you have the sniffles thing She doesn't have to apologize.

Dina 1:00:46

I don't ever want to talk to her, but anyway, yeah, that's the story of how I got drunk at a wedding that I didn't want to go to and cried my eyes out in the back of a church. And I'm pretty sure like you can see me crying in all the pictures too.

Daniel 1:01:03

Yeah, i don't think that Jesus or Mary would be okay with that aunt. Yeah, fuck her. That's terrible, but at least you got the wine bra drunk and at least Tim wasn't there, so she didn't have to fight a family member Again. Yep, oh God, again, again. Save it for another story time, dina.

Hot Cop, Stuffing Bras, and Cults

Daniel 1:01:31

So guys the saga continues. Guys, dina likes to let you be involved. You get to take the wheel and take her stories out for a drive. So, if you want to, we got a couple of options here for Choose Your Own Adventure for next time on Storytime with Dina Soares. Dina, what do we got?

Dina 1:01:49

So I don't know if you guys know, if the audience knows, what Live PD is, but it's a cop show. Um and there was a very famous hot cop on there Yeah it's a very famous hot cop on there my county that I lived in. So we've got a story related. So we have a story about the hot cop on Live PD. We have lessons learned while stuffing your bra. And then we have I am Hannah Montana.

Daniel 1:02:24

She's got us this week, sean, she's fucking got us. As you know, our rule is whatever is the most boring sounding story is the one that we always pick because it's going to be the most epic. But, sean, what do you think, buddy? OK, well, i know she's teased us about the hot cop Before, so I am intrigued about that. I know very little about that. I feel like the, the one that people are going to gravitate towards is the stuff in your bra one because boobs. Yeah, hannah Montana sounds pretty good too, but I feel like I would go with hot cop because I just need to know. I gots to know, i gots to know. I need to know how this relates to. If you hadn't dropped that this could relate, even ostensibly, to Officer Longwiener. I'm not sure I'd go with this, but I need to. I miss our boy, i miss this legend of your story collection, and if there's even a shot that we can bring Officer Longwiener back, that's my vote. I'm in, so Okay.

Dina 1:03:27

I'm so not used to doing this. Every week we celebrate some of the worst erratic literature in history, as selected by the literary review, a British literary magazine, in a segment that we call cringey copulation. These are real exes from real books intended to be taken seriously. This week's excerpt will be read by Daniel and is a second appearance in the segment from good old Ed King by David Gutterson. David Gutterson is an American novelist, short story writer, poet, journalist and essayist. He is best known as the author of the bestselling Japanese American internment novel Snow Falling on Seeders.

Daniel 1:04:08

Check them, dms Daniel and get ready brace yourself.

Daniel 1:04:13

It's a long one, baby Shit. All right, this one is very long, Okay, all right. She gave him this particular sign, this clear permission, and he began a careful prodding of her permaium, which was as good a starting place as any for Diane, because it instigated those processes and memory her sexuality required. It triggered memories with the uncanny force of deja vu. He's making it worse.

Daniel 1:04:49

And what she thought of as Ed just slaved away was a boy from her village who had fingered her adroitly in the greenhouse with thick, fucking green tomatoes. The boy in the greenhouse was flawlessly adolescent and shockingly beautiful. In his own innocent way, he made his, he made her come resoundingly, apollo, with his modest marble membrane, virile, otherwise known in her village as a skin flute. This memory sparkled as Ed intently suckled. They were both on their left sides, ed behind where he pried her right shoulder, back where he deeply inserted and twisted his head so it could suckle away madly.

Daniel 1:05:29

He freed himself Stop editorializing, sorry. He freed himself from the nipple after a long attachment to her, so as a kiss, so as to kiss her on the mouth at length, as if seeking to set the world record for chisteration, and she smelled her breast on his breath, which was otherwise frequent with saliva, a little tart, a little bitter and humid, with the churning underworld, the raw metabolism and generative heat. Beneath a flawless exterior, jim Long's odor had been a little like Nagahide and his mouth, lips and tongue had often smelled metallic or just as off as steeped in vermouth, where, as Ed smelled, vulnerable, digestive, warm, blooded, moist and net, just now breastfed, that was fucking horrifying. I hated a little extra because my wife is currently breastfeeding our child.

Daniel 1:06:34

Yeah, No you really just zeroed in on So that's the reason why I picked it. And now I'm just a happy accident.

Dina 1:06:49

Yeah, that was an accident. But yeah, when I saw the breastbed I was like that's the one, That's it, That's it, Oh when Miriam wants to know why I'm in the other room watching breastfeeding tonight. I just It's so much. Why did he do so much?

Daniel 1:07:10

There was just there's no reason for it. That's not good storytelling, Dina. It's not good storytelling.

Producer Sean 1:07:18

It's not good storytelling.

Daniel 1:07:19

Even the tomatoes were sexy in that story. Everything was sexy in that story. Oh shit, all right, guys, we're getting near the end here. We've been on a beautiful journey. We fucking love getting to hang out and do this stuff with you guys And we love it when you guys call in, when you participate, when you be part of our show And always, anytime you want to give us a call. 347-69-weird, that's 347-699-3473. That's right, if it's even incorporated There it is. Oh, thank you.

Dina 1:07:48

Thank you for that, dina, that was beautiful. So, guys, we wanted to start a little bit. It's kind of going to be kind of a sub, a subversion I don't know what the word is that I'm looking for, but a little bit of a mini series that we're going to kind of branch off and do because it's related to cult stuff. So there's a new documentary series coming out.

Dina 1:08:17

Titled Shiny, happy People, this prime video docu-series interrogates the abuse within the famous Duggar family, as well as the cult organization IBLP, which is very similar to the cult that I was in, which is the IFB. They had very similar values And the Duggar family was basically a very common celebrity name within the IFB which is what I was a part of And they were known for their oppressive values And have since been discovered to be involved in many illegal activities, including child pornography and cheating on their wives, other things like that. So watch along with us And Daniel and I will come back to Don't Make It Weird after episodes. We're going to try to do it weekly. I'm not really sure what our schedule is going to look like, but it's going to be like a mini series for us, with questions and discussion topics to delve into from the insider's perspective.

Daniel 1:09:12

And, yeah, listen, normally whenever we are on this podcast, we're out here to have fun, to pick at things, to have a good time and talk trash. But whenever we go cult talk, well, there's still some making fun of and some trash talking. This is a very serious topic. This is something that we take seriously And it will be a little bit more, a little bit less of our kind of comedy style and a little bit more of just us discussing and trying to kind of unpack a lot of the stuff going on there and me making fun of IBF people, that that's still going to happen. So just know that something we take seriously and we hope that you'll be a part of this.

Daniel 1:09:51

Yeah, all right guys. Well, this has been another great episode of Don't Make It Weird. We love getting to hang out with you guys, we love getting to do this show and even when life gets a little crazy, gets a little busy, we hope this show, you know, provides some fun for you guys, a little break from the craziness of the world. So, thank you all for tuning in and Dina, working with folks, find you.

Dina 1:10:13

You can find me on Twitter at DinaSaurusD. That's D like these notes.

Daniel 1:10:18

D D And producer Sean working with folks, find you. You can find me on Twitter at ShaysholeD. I know it's a little early in the day for you, but if you thought about dinner yet, buddy, no, dude, no, that's not.

Dina 1:10:32

I'm making crab rangoon nachos All right.

Daniel 1:10:35

So we're going to wing it, if you guess, like a fake bird. Hey, we're going to get some chicken, some boneless nugs, man, boneless chicken wings. So you can, you can. you can find me on Twitter at DanQ rights thing. That's Dan Q rights thing. Singular, it's Dan U. It's my personal website, still up and running. Sean Always dumps for dankcom. That's the U M P S, the number for d a n qcom. Check it out, check it out, see what happens. It'll be a good time. We appreciate you guys, we love you all And we're out of here. Jazz hands.

Producer Sean 1:11:18

Sometimes in this life we need people to be loved.

Daniel 1:11:20

Don't make it weird with Daniel Quigley, dina Sorris and Sean Holden, produced and edited by me, sean Holden Team, song by Amaria, incidental music and sound effects provided by Voice Mod, as well as the YouTube Audio Library. You can rate and review this show on Spotify, apple podcasts, good pods and wherever else you download your podcasts. Got a question for Daniel or Dina? Call the don't make it weird hotline at 347 69 weird That's 347 699 3473 and leave us a message. It could be featured on a future episode And if you haven't already, please subscribe to don't make it weird on YouTube for the video presentation or on your favorite podcast app for the audio only version of the show. Thank you so much and we love you.