Don't Make It Weird
Two amateur authors and amateur humans—Daniel and Dina—discuss all things writing and books, and re-tell chaotic life adventures from cults to exes that think they’re horses. We’ve got you covered in this comedic and sarcastic, life-centered podcast. Follow us as we fail to not make it weird.
Don't Make It Weird
The One With Mike Jones: The Musical
Daniel and Dinasaurus, your beloved raconteurs, are back to whisk you through a whirlwind of absurdities and heartfelt realness in this week's brand new episode of Don't Make It Weird. This time, Producer Sean forgot to record the footage for the first 20 minutes. OOPS!
From Dina's quick-witted recap of what we missed, to Danq's progressive shirt unbuttoning, we explore the lighter side of our week, peppered with nostalgic dives into Neopets and Webkins. And when life throws curveballs in the form of family emergencies and pet predicaments, we tackle them head-on, proving that humor can be the best medicine.
As the conversation takes a turn through the chaos of the Word Association Game, you'll witness our brains zigzag from the great outdoors to the enigmatic Mike Jones, all while we try (and often spectacularly fail) to stick to the rules. But it's not all fun and games—when writer's block rears its ugly head, we lay bare our souls and share the survival tactics that keep our pens moving. Whether it's a detour onto Reddit or embracing a new muse, we shed light on the conundrums of the creative process, with a side of our signature wit.
Hold onto your seats, because the ride gets wilder as we dial up Stevie Wildcard for an uproarious chat about dinosaur-human romances (you read that right) and the intricate details of the cloaca. This chapter isn't for the faint of heart, but it's guaranteed to leave you in stitches—or at least with an eyebrow raised in intrigue. From poignant pet anecdotes to crafting the perfect conspiracy theory with friends, Don't Make It Weird is a melting pot of the peculiar and profound.
Daniel's website: https://dumps4danq.com
Dina's website: https://dinasaurusd.com
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Don't Make It Weird Podcast on Twitter: http://twitter.com/dmiwpodcast
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Music Credit:
Swing Rabbit ! Swing ! by Amarià https://soundcloud.com/amariamusique
Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY 3.0
Free Download / Stream: https://bit.ly/al-swing-rabbit-swing
Music promoted by Audio Library https://youtu.be/lt7fn1NVxQM
Credits song written and performed by ...
Hey everyone, producer Sean here, welcome back to a very unique episode of Don't Make it Weird. If things seem a bit off-kilter today, it's because, well, they are In the spirit of transparency and, to laugh at my own expense, I have a confession to make. We spent about 20 minutes pouring our hearts and souls into the microphone, only to realize that none of it was being captured. A classic mistake, but one that's particularly humorous and, admittedly, a bit frustrating in our case. After recording a cover reveal for Lost Boys Press and switching studios, I was so engrossed in the excitement and the flow of our conversation that, in my mind, we were already recording.
Speaker 1:It wasn't until we were about a third of the way through the episode that the realization hit me we hadn't captured anything, due to our tight schedule and the inability to turn back time. We decided to embrace this little mishap and move forward, but not to worry, we wouldn't dream of leaving you out of the loop. Dina, who's been an absolute star through this, will give you a quick recap of what you missed, so, without further ado, I'll hand it over to her to fill in the gaps. And again, my sincerest apologies for this oversight. Let's make the most of this unexpected turn and keep the energy alive. Dina, take it away.
Speaker 2:Okay. So for those of you that are just now turning in like dweebs, we weren't recording and we thought we were halfway through an episode. So to catch you guys up real quick so that we don't have to listen to Daniel Droneon I had some really good bangers in there about him needing to get a $5 mirror from Target and doing some self-reflection Daniel had shower thought time. That was very stupid.
Speaker 1:Mike Jones' musical. It's the best idea we've ever had.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he wanted to talk about Mike Jones' musical. I didn't even know who it was, so I had to look it up.
Speaker 1:We weren't going to play the song, because we don't want to get that episode copyrighted. Hit Mike Jones up on the low, because Mike Jones about to blow 305, this world wide.
Speaker 2:I'm in love with the stripper. The news is called the news because it's new news information. And this is new information about news, new news which that beat Daniel's shower thoughts which the bar wasn't very high to begin with anyway.
Speaker 3:Yeah, she outshouted me.
Speaker 2:We don't have voicemail, so we're going to skip that. And then we have the accountability segment, where I haven't done anything because I had my husband in the hospital, my son in the hospital, my dog in the ER, another surgery for my dog, a vet follow-up and then another surgery for my dog. He's doing fine. Thank you all for your support. I've got GoFundMe. My baby was crying, my husband's here, so I'm not neglecting my child. Please don't call CPS.
Speaker 1:Oh, and also she wasn't motivated enough because Mike Jones always is hustling with song in his phone.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm not a champion. I don't want it bad enough.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah, dina doesn't want it. Bad enough, she's an excuse maker. Also, I've been slowly unbuttoning my shirt over the course of this episode, but now you just see it already halfway unbuttoned and you've been really missing out, guys. We had a really great episode.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I was eating a banana and nobody said anything and I was kind of I had a couple bangers in there about that. I was going to insult Daniel with if he had commented on it but he didn't Listen.
Speaker 1:If Daniel looked at you or I instead of him at all while we record, he would have absolutely made comments about you know, phallic jokes or whatever. Yeah, it's the Don't Make it Weird podcast with your hosts, daniel and Dina Soros, so we've been doing really good so far. Guys, we're going to be talking about Mike Jones a lot today, but I need you guys to think that this has been an ongoing joke, because this was really funny before.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you just have to trust Daniel.
Speaker 2:Just laugh with him.
Speaker 1:I'm going to keep him bugging my shirt anyways, guys, and get us banned from YouTube. So Dina was about to update us on her Neopets situation.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, so I contacted Neopets. Are we recording? I'm just kidding.
Speaker 1:Three minutes. We got three minutes in the can.
Speaker 2:I contacted Neopets headquarters because I wanted to access my old account, couldn't remember the information and, like a psycho, I emailed them every day for a week to try to get access again. Finally they were just like fuck you, we believe you Whatever, we don't care. So I've been addicted to Neopets again, also Webkins. I'm about to email headquarters to try to get my old account back because I still have the birth certificates.
Speaker 1:Mr Webkins on the phone.
Speaker 2:I still have all the birth certificates for my Webkins and those feel like my children and I'm contacting the government to get them back. I deserve custody you deserve it.
Speaker 1:So for folks at home that don't know what Neopets are, because we are a very young demographic here, bring back Mills Berry. That's a deep cut Hashtag. Bring back Mills Berry Hashtag.
Speaker 2:Neopets are an online game from the early 2000s.
Speaker 1:Like 90s.
Speaker 2:It's like a very intricate world that you have there.
Speaker 1:You basically just care for a mythological creature that doesn't really do anything, but you need to love it, because if you don't, there's a whole lot more to it. Okay, there's virtual pets. You can buy virtual items for them and play a little mini game.
Speaker 2:There's a whole world.
Speaker 1:And.
Speaker 2:I collect bank interest every day bro.
Speaker 1:There's an economy.
Speaker 2:here I'm interest alone.
Speaker 1:She's. I think Nickelodeon owns it now, if I'm not mistaken. I didn't know that it's still happening, alive and kicking, 20, 25 years later, can?
Speaker 3:I battle them like.
Speaker 1:Pokemon, or can I steal Pokemon assets like Powell world Daniel wants to know if he can have sex with the pets. That's what he wants to know, can I have sex with them? Oh, no.
Speaker 3:Listen, if it's not Baldur's.
Speaker 1:Gate 3, he's not interested. Did they record what happened between me walking in on the bug bear? No, no, we didn't get any of that.
Speaker 2:Who's gay? The people Did, they record it. It's just Sean here.
Speaker 1:He thinks there's legitimately cameraman in the Riverside studio who forgot to hit the record button and they're just standing there with a camera. Yes, I'm not how this works. Is there not a guy in my?
Speaker 3:work. Where's the crew?
Speaker 1:Where's craft services? Isn't the spread I asked for Daniel?
Speaker 2:has not gotten anything done.
Speaker 1:Yeah, go ahead, Dina. Yeah, can you recap what happened on Baldur's Gate 3?
Speaker 2:I was going to say I wasn't really listening to that because I was actively checking on my Neopet, because I forgot to do that today and I didn't want him to be surprised.
Speaker 1:Daniel should be working on his second book in the Crypt of Protection Agency series or his big chunky full-on fantasy novel, which he's now going to change all the characters' names to Mike Jones, who we decided that who Just to cause chaos, so no one knows what character is which and that book will definitely sell. But he hasn't done any of those things because he's been addicted to Baldur's Gate 3 and the reason why is because he has the freedom to travel this world and attempt to have sex with every living creature in it. Yes, this is true, and he said he stumbled upon two creatures fornicating and tried to join in A bear and a troll.
Speaker 1:Yeah, tried to join in and was promptly rejected. Dina made a funny joke about how he's even rejected in video games.
Speaker 1:We did the Sadhorn and then Daniel proceeded to shame the fornicators into not having sex themselves because, in his words, if he's not getting any, nobody is. That's what I've been doing in Baldur's Gate 3. Yeah, yeah, just traveling the world at Fantasyland, finding new and exciting creatures and having sex with them. Yeah, I've heard that I can have sex with a bear in Baldur's Gate 3. So that's where this is going. I'm sorry, mom. Excellent, I think we're caught up, guys. I think that everyone totally gets what's going on.
Speaker 2:I'm really proud of my memory, guys.
Speaker 3:Yeah you nailed it.
Speaker 1:You're totally going to get along with all the inside jokes that we started already in this episode. So this is going to go great. But you know, if you need to update us on your Neopets or your life, just talk to us please. We just want to hear from you.
Speaker 2:We have a voice on the stage, sing us a song.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can give us a call at Time for 7-E-Soul-Moves with a Bari .3, 4, 7, 6, 9, 9, 3, 4, 7, 3.
Speaker 2:Have you always done that tune for our song?
Speaker 1:No, that's the first time Brand new, just like your chair, because.
Speaker 3:Mike.
Speaker 1:Jones' musical has inspired me to be more musical. It's brand new, just like we learned how to use his news.
Speaker 2:Hey, you guys remember that time that we had the Lost Episode. That was fun.
Speaker 1:I don't remember anything about it, except for the day after when I tried to like go edit it and there was no footage to be found. Oh man, the Lost Episode. Yeah, guys, this isn't the first time that this has happened.
Speaker 3:Okay, but for that Lost.
Speaker 1:Episode. I absolutely recorded it. It was a Zoom glitch that didn't save it and because we weren't paying any money for Zoom at the time, we didn't have a cloud backup or anything. So we're just Shit had a lot. Yeah, no, that's true. That's true.
Speaker 2:This one time in school I got a demerit because I thought that I didn't know what SOL meant, and my mom said it all the time. I thought that it meant surely out of luck. So I got a demerit for saying you're SOL. To a teacher.
Speaker 1:That's the story I didn't know demerits were a real thing, I probably would have gotten a lot. Speaking of story, nina, would you consider yourself a tease?
Speaker 2:Tickle the pickle.
Speaker 1:I mean, I want to see that two-handed pickle-tickle. Yeah, double fist, that Perfect, excellent. So, nina, can you tell folks a little tease, a little shiver down their spine? Let me know what's coming up on Storytime.
Speaker 2:Today we're going to talk about the time that I was attacked by a dog.
Speaker 1:Very good, very good, and I'm only moderately certain we haven't heard this before. So I've already heard it. I'm very excited In the comments and guys, it's time for Dina's favorite game. I tried to fight it because I'm terrible at it and I lose every single time and I have no power or say in this show, so I just go along to the romp.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so guys, sean, what game are we playing this week? We're gonna play the word association game. I know the word association on my mind today. I have prepared several words for this game. I'm gonna ask Dina to react to this word with a single word answer, without thinking about it. Daniel will then react to her reaction. We'll go back and forth a few times until it gets too chaotic or Daniel just keeps reacting to the original word, which is not the game at all. Yeah, um so, oh, no, balls of fire just ring down and hurt my Neopet.
Speaker 1:What You're gonna. Ball of fire at Neopet. What the fuck is going on there? Daniel's definitely playing Neopets after this yeah, I am Holy shit, Alright so the word association game Denosaurus. Do you want to play Neopets the whole time? So are you gonna double fist?
Speaker 2:this game action Okay.
Speaker 1:The first word Denosaurus is waterfall.
Speaker 2:Mountain.
Speaker 3:Heart Rock Me. I know where you're trying to go with that I just say it like a hurricane.
Speaker 1:He wanted to say me like a hurricane, but he realized he could only say one word, so he just said me the bar is so low At least I, stayed on theme this time, guys, can you please slide up your shirt.
Speaker 3:I can't.
Speaker 1:Listen, Daniel lives this life by one credo. Okay, w-w-m-j-d. What would Mike Jones do? Mike?
Speaker 2:Jones would have a deep, deep, deep V, deep V. Yeah sorry. When I'm on vacation at the end of the month or next month, whatever during lunch or dinner or whatever we do. I need you to just every time Tim says a certain word, we'll have to pick a word.
Speaker 3:Yeah, last word, just on one shirt.
Speaker 1:Can I make R and I contact with Tim. Can you think of a word that he uses semi-regularly?
Speaker 2:Are we gonna have-.
Speaker 1:We're gonna have Tim's stripping game that we're gonna create for the next time in the end of the year. Oh God, Any time he says the shirt will be off in 10 minutes, I'm sure.
Speaker 2:We gotta bleep that out.
Speaker 1:God damn it, john, I can bleep it out, so I'm Okay, I edit this piece of shit anyway. It's fine, daniel, daniel. The next word is eclipse of-. This is not a 10-word story.
Speaker 2:No, start again. He's trying to create a sentence.
Speaker 1:He's trying to create a sentence.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know.
Speaker 1:He's just reacting to the word. Okay, we're going to go with that one. Where did I want to go? Eclipse of the Heart. Daniel, new word for you. This might prepare extra words. By the way, yeah, there are gold. Wait, wait with an M or an N. M is in Nancy. M is in Nancy. Okay, miracle.
Speaker 2:Flower.
Speaker 1:Pansy.
Speaker 2:Sean.
Speaker 1:Michael.
Speaker 3:Jot yes, I've heard one. Yes.
Speaker 1:That's a fucking win. I'm going full Jason Telsy in this episode. Guys, I swore he was going to say me again when you said Pansy, dinosaurus, dinosaurus, your word is Whisper Love From behind.
Speaker 2:That's not how the game works, Daniel.
Speaker 1:Stop trying to make a sentence.
Speaker 2:Behind School Wait what did you? Say School M is in Nancy. I'm going to say school.
Speaker 1:I'm going to say school. M is in Nancy. M is in Nancy. M is in Nancy. M is in Nancy. Yeah, I got it. Yeah, you get the M and he's in Nancy. Excellent, daniel. The next word is Serendipity. John Cusack, one word.
Speaker 2:Catniss, catniss.
Speaker 1:Archery.
Speaker 2:The axe throwing.
Speaker 3:Murder.
Speaker 1:Excellent.
Speaker 2:Killer.
Speaker 1:So excited Mike. Okay, killer, mike is a person. Sir, you're just going to try to loop it back to Mike Jones in any way possible. You're not supposed to control the game.
Speaker 2:Daniel.
Speaker 3:Killer Mike is a person this is supposed to be self-reflection.
Speaker 1:This is self-reflection. I got the mirror you asked me to get Listen the problem is the problem? Is you're thinking about it? You're not supposed to think about it when I hear killer.
Speaker 2:I think, killer, mike, you're trying to manipulate the game.
Speaker 1:Excellent rapper Killer Mike. Killer Mike is a person but, that's not the point. Oh my god, was I within the rules?
Speaker 2:I was within the rules. Chicken Alexine.
Speaker 1:Deena's just playing by herself now. Self-word association. It's like Dwight having that self-defense fight with himself Like.
Speaker 3:To the nose? No, you're not.
Speaker 2:Oh my god, he's making you look like such a fool. He really is, but not for long.
Speaker 3:Ow yeah.
Speaker 1:Alright, deena. The next word is Mirage.
Speaker 2:Mirror.
Speaker 1:Boobs.
Speaker 3:F***.
Speaker 1:We're cutting this. Alright, deena. Deena, there's just going to be a long f*** and a hard cut there to the next one. This would be the fully censored episode. There'd be like okay, there was no intro, we're the first 20 minutes. They gave us a recap and then they censored the next 20 minutes. Yep, alright, deena, your next word is Zephyr.
Speaker 2:Hills.
Speaker 1:Uh Boxes.
Speaker 2:Amazon.
Speaker 1:Sleep.
Speaker 2:Number 2-813-0-800.
Speaker 1:That f***ing damn it.
Speaker 2:Pippal.
Speaker 1:No one can get Mike Jones out of Daniel's head. I don't think I've ever seen Daniel laugh this hard in my entire life. He sure is like he's down to one button. I think he's down to one button, you guys. Daniel, I swear to God, if we see a nipple, we're getting canceled. It's a lie, man, do you have boob tape on so we don't get a nipple flash? Yeah, sorry, just inspired by James Clancy with Taylor Swift. So you know, no nip slip, I'm ready. I'm not crying, you're crying, daniel. Daniel, your next word is Labyrinth Minotaur.
Speaker 2:Um Jess.
Speaker 1:Ness.
Speaker 2:House Car, a tire.
Speaker 3:Rubber.
Speaker 2:Road.
Speaker 1:Hustle Flay, it's happening. It's happening. Mike Jones slays motherfucker. No one is going to find this as funny as we do. No, absolutely not. This is going to be an episode with like 10 reviews, but I will love every minute of it. Dina, your next word is Tempest.
Speaker 2:Taylor.
Speaker 3:Swift.
Speaker 1:Hot.
Speaker 2:Vampire.
Speaker 1:Cold Sedge.
Speaker 2:Water Way.
Speaker 1:Perfectly Me, because I'm in love with the strippers.
Speaker 2:Oh my, all right, let's call this the last one.
Speaker 1:Denosaurus. I said Denosaurus.
Speaker 3:Yeah, what.
Speaker 1:Sean Caggo first. Yeah, sean Caggo first. I'm going to say Denosaurus, I'm going to say Denosaurus, I'm going to say Denosaurus, sean Caggo first. No, dina, the final word is Saffron.
Speaker 2:Yellow rice.
Speaker 1:Indian.
Speaker 2:What did you say? I was laughing.
Speaker 1:Indian. You said Indian.
Speaker 2:Oh reserve.
Speaker 1:Whiskey.
Speaker 2:Sour.
Speaker 1:Sean.
Speaker 3:Kelly.
Speaker 1:Fucking sexy.
Speaker 3:Jesus.
Speaker 2:Wait, I forgot. Where was that for Kelly or Sean?
Speaker 1:Yes, it was supposed to be for Kelly, it was for me.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, because I was, like you said, fucking sexy Bed.
Speaker 1:Bed, the only place Dina's ever had sex. Come on.
Speaker 3:Fire, fire.
Speaker 2:Fire, Fire. Couldn't remember what the word Fire was.
Speaker 1:Fire, fire fire, fire, okay so.
Speaker 2:Nea. There's a mind map. There's a mind map.
Speaker 1:Oh my God, Dina's mind map.
Speaker 2:Mind map. So you said fire and I immediately thought of fighter, but then I was also like thinking about my neighbor, who's also my cousin's husband's brother, who is a firefighter.
Speaker 1:And then I was like oh, his house, he's a firefighter.
Speaker 2:Hmm, this is tight though. Oh, oh, oh. So, and then I was like oh, house, because he's right there, but I meant fighter because he's a firefighter, not house. But my brain went picture the house. The house is on fire.
Speaker 1:You literally glitched in real time and you were like fire, fire, fire, fire. That was incredible to watch. Yeah, you know that one was going really well until Daniel said Sean, and then it just immediately tailspin and crashed to the ground.
Speaker 2:You're a little fat reason. This has been the word association game.
Speaker 1:Yeah, what a good time. What a great time we had by everyone. Well, guys, it's time for us to get serious. Put on our serious author hats here, and we're going to be discussing something I think a lot of writers deal with. Sean, what is that Impotence? No, that's just what I thought. Oh, I'm sorry, you said writers, writers block writers block.
Speaker 1:So writers block is that moment when you have no fucking ideas and you realize that you're the worst writer of all time. And how the hell did you ever consider yourself a writer, Dean? How do you deal with this?
Speaker 2:I cry a lot. No, for real though I have writers block right now. That's why I've made no progress on book three, and probably I mean like usually I would just like power through and just like force something on the page and like word vomit on the page. But I just haven't had time either.
Speaker 1:So yeah no, being a fucking adult and the parent is hard as shit. I mean, I definitely deal with it you wouldn't know.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I know, Thank God I have a wife. But you know, like, honestly with me, when it comes to writers block, like I get it pretty frequently but my whole thing is I don't really fight it. Like I think that for me when I try to go against it and try to push through, it is when it kind of gets worse. So you know, what I usually do is I just try to step away, to move completely away from like where I am stuck. And so a lot of times, like I'll get on like our like Reddit's writing prompts or places like that, and just find like a simple like thing and just write something out. It has nothing to do with any story, any grand idea, but it just kind of helps get my brain going.
Speaker 1:It's almost like, you know, just kind of doing some sort of exercise at the gym trying to make yourself a little bit more active, and so I think that finding non sequiturs, finding other outlets, kind of helps you break through. I mean, that's how I got my idea for Carved City was I was in the middle of writing block, having a writer's block, and there's a prompt that was write a story about a planet that gains sentience. And so I was like, oh shit, that's kind of awesome. And then as I started kind of writing out this you know super short story, just a post on a fucking website a whole fucking 190,000 story word story came out. So that's kind of like my whole thing on it.
Speaker 2:I think that if I wasn't on like a deadline and like contractually obligated to produce this third book, I would probably like just set it aside and work on a separate project. I don't ever like straight up walk away from writing, except for right now, like I try to power through in some way, whether it's on the same project or if it's starting a new project.
Speaker 1:Okay, and so you think that, just like, stepping away and taking that time is what, like, you need for your brain to work.
Speaker 2:I literally wait. I literally said the opposite of that.
Speaker 1:No, you said you can't do it. But if you weren't under contract, that's what you would do.
Speaker 2:Well, okay, no, I said, did I fucking? No, that's not what.
Speaker 1:Sean, what did I just not hear? If I?
Speaker 2:didn't have a contract. I wouldn't be powering through, I would start a new project.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so I said you'd step away.
Speaker 2:Is that what you mean?
Speaker 1:Yeah, this wasn't you'd step away from what you were.
Speaker 2:Oh, I thought you meant like step away from writing all together and I was like no, no, no, no, I would start a new project.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's what I'm saying step away from the project that I was, yeah, got you. So what are some things that you've heard other people do? Because you know that makes around some Twitter every now and again just like, hey, how do you deal with writer's block? It's almost the Twitter equivalent of can guys and girls just be friends?
Speaker 2:I see people say that they listen to new music or go binge a TV show or watch movies. They talk to other writers, they get abated or to read what they have so far. What are some other things you've seen?
Speaker 1:I mean, like a lot of it that I've seen is just, you know, some people will say like, hey, start taking notes, start like doing some of the big picture stuff in the story instead of getting into the minutiae of it and see if that helps. One of the things that I've really liked is that you know cause people will kind of like fall out of love with their story. I feel like they wrote into a corner or something like that, and so one of the advices that I had seen that I think you know could work for some people is back up to the last point in your story that you felt excited about, that you felt good about, and then just start writing from there, even if you've already got, you know, three whole chapters. So, like you know, just kind of tracing back your steps, cutting out the stuff that stopped working and just finding that spot from there.
Speaker 2:There's also some people that say that they go read a book in the same genre that they're writing.
Speaker 1:Really.
Speaker 2:Get some inspiration from another writer. Take a look at like the plot points. See how it could fit and match with your story. Things like that.
Speaker 1:It makes sense cause it helps you kind of make sense of the market and you know what is popular in those moments and you know that makes sense. It's funny cause, like Joe Abercrombie, is one of my favorite fantasy fantasy author. Fantasy author.
Speaker 2:I like his shirts. It's pretty cool.
Speaker 1:Fantasy author but really incredible book series. You know the first law and everything like that and one of his whole things and he's kind of funnily pretentious about it, but like he'll be, I know it's not really a word but I just I'm rolling with it. It feels like it should be. It feels like it should be Funnily, is it a word?
Speaker 1:More funner, Funnily funnily, that's when something is shaped like a funnel. Smart, smart, smart. But like. His whole thing is that even though he's a grim dark fantasy author, he doesn't do anything in the series. Funnily is a word, by the way. Yes.
Speaker 2:What. We didn't do conspiracy corner because I see, and I just referenced the Illuminati, but we didn't get conspiracy corner on the recording.
Speaker 1:Oh sorry, quickly recap conspiracy corner for the people who missed it. Oh my God, this has been a recap episode, sean. We have to do it.
Speaker 2:Oh God, okay, julia Roberts was.
Speaker 1:There's a lot of points to jump through for this. Oh yeah, wait. So Matthew Perry, he's dead.
Speaker 2:Matthew Perry. He's dead. We remember that. Julia Roberts born October 28th. Matthew Perry died October 28th. The movie Leave the World Behind, produced by Julia Roberts and the Obamas, q Daniel saying the Obamas yeah, daniel, there's a whole other conspiracy about that. That includes the movie, includes scenes from Friends, obviously includes Matthew Perry. Julia Roberts had a relationship with Matthew Perry, did they really? And his cause of death is still undetermined. Q Sean determining that it's ketamine. Oh, the Illuminati uses ketamine as a cover up for their deaths. Don't say Illuminati, daniel. We were trying to be subtle with it so that they can't find us. Oh, they already know that we're here. Okay, in the movie there's two kids that stand next to each other. One has a shirt that says obey, the other has a shirt that says N-A-S-A. If you catch my dress drift. And Julia Roberts and Matthew Perry broke up in 96 and there's a woman in the movie with a tattoo of the year 96. What's the conspiracy? I don't know.
Speaker 1:That's it okay, and then I also asked what does it have to do with November 18th 1981?
Speaker 2:Oh, um, yeah, I don't know. Was that the day that the first terrorist attack on the Twin Towers was Daniel?
Speaker 1:No, that was.
Speaker 2:Mike Tyson's birthday.
Speaker 1:Mike Jones. Mike Jones, dina. You know his name. You fucking know his name. Don't you expect that.
Speaker 2:Flossen.
Speaker 1:So, like what Dina's trying to say, you guys is, distracting yourself with TikTok is a great way to get over writer's block. Yes, 100%.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, discussion.
Speaker 1:I don't know, I think. I think we've changed lives out here today, guys, Um God damn it. For sure Hold on one second.
Speaker 2:That's what we're here for, Would you guys? Let me?
Speaker 1:just let me just hey. Hey, we're almost done. Did he just take a phone call?
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah yeah, yeah, he just took a phone call.
Speaker 1:I'm currently unbuckling my shirt on the podcast right now, so I'd like I need like a second. He's down to a zipper. Yeah, uh-huh, uh-huh. No, no, I'm not showing any nipple though. Yeah, no nipple. All right, I love you.
Speaker 2:It's just three have you seen the um behind the scenes and I don't know why you would see this, but you're here so I'm going to talk to you. Vampire diaries Um, apparently in one of the like sex scenes um, for the nipple covers somebody put the face of another actor on her nipple covers so that when the guys saw them he had to, like, keep a straight face in the middle of the scene.
Speaker 1:That sounds. What if he was like, really turned on by it?
Speaker 2:Yeah, like what if that?
Speaker 1:was like the moment for him. What if that was his thing? Yeah, um so guys, would you say that like a change of scenery might help with writer's block? Yeah, sometimes I mean listen authors talk about one to an author's retreat forever and I think that vacation yeah.
Speaker 1:Sometimes just changing it, getting the mood right. Maybe go to a library or a park, perhaps a cafe, but not a Starbucks because they don't need your money or like a haunted castle haunted asshole, yes. Haunted asshole, yes, perfect. Well, guys, I hope we helped you get through writer's block. He's powered through it. His wife just called him, so now he's going to hammer through these segments and say words anymore. It's just like Mike Tyson when you try to say fantasy, you try to say fantasy book.
Speaker 2:We've been talking about Mike Tyson this whole time and there is not a talk about Mike Tyson manifesting in your, in your life, chipotle. This is bullshit.
Speaker 1:This is exactly bullshit. I like Chipotle Garla Sponge. You know what I need. You know what, guys? Now that we've helped this, it's time for Deena to make good on being a tease. It's time for her stop edging us. Okay, guys, we're all about storytelling here, and every week, we aim to share and entertain the tale. So, without further ado, it's story time with Deena Soros.
Speaker 2:So trigger warning. This is a little bit of a sad story. Oh God, damn it, deena. So when my father died, he had a dog and I was I, so Okay, I gotta get it all together.
Speaker 2:So my father died and my parents had two dogs. One was his dog, one was my mom's dog. She kept both dogs. We were out one night on a camping trip. I went with my mom and some other friends of hers and mine and the two dogs wound up getting into a really, really bad fight. They had to be taken to like the emergency vet and they couldn't be together anymore.
Speaker 2:My dad's dog was just having a really bad time with his loss. He just wasn't the same, so they had to be separated. So I took my dad's dog and my mom kept her dog and we were. The goal was to like kind of rehabilitate my dad's dog, get him used to being with us instead of him, that type of thing. But we wound up having to keep him separate from my dogs because of the previous fight. So I was sitting in the living room with my dad's dog one night and he just like snapped and turned on me and attacked me and he like was dragging me around the room and he had me by like my calf and like sliced open my calf muscle You're looking at a dolphin at this point too.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this isn't that long ago, three or so years ago. Yeah, I still have scars.
Speaker 2:So, like he like ripped open my leg. My dogs were separated by a gate and they saw what was happening and they like took down the gate and ran to get my dad's dog off of me. So Midas, my gold dog that you guys see here, he took on my dad's dog which, by the way, was a very big beagle pit bull mix.
Speaker 2:Took on my dad's dog, while Miko, the dog that everybody's been helping me with. Miko grabbed me because I was trying to get up and stand but I couldn't because, like there was blood everywhere and I kept slipping and like I didn't have control over one of my legs. So Miko grabbed me by my shirt collar and was trying to drag me away from the fight and into my bedroom. He finally got me into my bedroom and I like was able to like shut the door with my other leg and kept Miko and I in there, but Midas was still out there fighting my dad's dog. My husband heard what was happening from outside and like he ran inside and he tackled my dad's dog and like wrapped him. Luckily he was not hurt at all, but Midas kept like trying to come at him, like trying to get him off of Tim now and like if Tim finally got them separated through that dog outside. And then Tim had to come figure out where I was, because I was trapped in the bedroom and we had to like treat my wounds and everything. And Tim came in like I'm still like actively bleeding, and he came in with a bottle of wine and he was like I need you to chug this really quickly.
Speaker 2:For those that don't know Tim was, he went to nursing school. He dropped out in his last semester. It decided it wasn't for him. Anyway, he was like I need you to chug this real quickly. And then he grabbed like all of his nursing supplies and like had to kind of like sew up my leg and like clean out the wound and everything like that. So yeah, oh, and Midas was not hurt at all, he had like a small little scratch. The other dog got pretty badly fucked up.
Speaker 1:The send user little badasses. Yeah, you guys literally related to Dingo's.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and they screamed like a child. So, um, yeah, eventually we wound up like we tried really hard to. We tried to get trainers to rehabilitate my dad's dog tried to get a foster going, blah, blah, blah. Didn't work out and he wound up having to be put down because he was way too violent. But that is kind of why I'm like so attached to Miko and Midas because, like they literally saved my life. So, yeah, I wanted to show that story, because everybody's been helping with, because I was so great.
Speaker 1:Hey, listen, you get serious on the show occasionally too, and fucking. Midas and Miko are little badasses. I mean, Miko's the star of our favorite what is? Don't make a weird clip, so you know that's true.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, I didn't write down what stories I picked. Sean, this is perfect.
Speaker 1:So, while Dina's furiously scrolling through her phone, guys, you have a choice. You have a chance to pick which stories that Dina tells everybody. We want you to be involved, want you to enter or don't make a weird bedroom. So you got three choices here, folks, dean, are you ready? They're highlighted. I, I. Option one is the razor mishap option to I and Hannah Montana. Option Hannah, hannah, hannah, hannah, hannah, hannah, hannah, hannah.
Speaker 2:Hannah, Hannah, and here I'm here. And the third story that you can pick from was Highway Robbery.
Speaker 1:Personally, I think Hannah Montana is the right way to go. I mean, obviously razor mishap raises my eyebrows because it sounds potentially dangerous, but we know from experience that it's probably not.
Speaker 2:But it seems like it is yeah, so uh you know, I'm with you, I am highway, I am highway I am.
Speaker 1:Hannah Montana has been in the polls like nearly since episode one, I think so it's been, it's an.
Speaker 1:OG. Yeah, for me like I can't help but be curious about it. Yeah, no, I'm with you on that. And uh, you know, ever since Dina screwed us over with her story about Ken's dick, um, you know we don't trust her anymore. We don't. We don't do that. Shout out the one without Ken's dick Bullshit. But I'm so excited because, you know what, even if this is a shorter episode, even if we've missed half the episode, there's one thing we haven't missed. Dean, are you ready? My music cue is my music cue is working.
Speaker 1:Hold on a second Yep, yep, sorry, music cue is not working for some reason. That's working, is it just the?
Speaker 3:cringy music that's not working.
Speaker 2:Daniel, is your shirt still on button?
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's just above my belly button right now. It says it's playing, but I don't hear it. Okay, I don't hear it either, man. Okay, then we're just gonna have to swing for the fences and go with the old school. Let's go, let's fucking do it.
Speaker 3:Hello ladies.
Speaker 1:You see, every week we celebrate some of the worst erotic literature in history, typically selected by the Literary Review, British Literary Magazine and a segment that we call Cringy Copulation. These are real excerpts from real books and tend to be taken seriously. This week's excerpt brings back an old favorite for Dina, and it is Sacrifice to the Raptor by Christy Sims. Christy Sims is a Midwestern author known for her vivid imagination, specializing in the monster sex genre. Her work, inspired by her intense inner fantasies, explored the theme of beautiful maiden entangled with powerful mythical creatures Check those DMs dinosaurs.
Speaker 2:The dinosaur. However, was in a better position to enhance their sexual contact. She saw him come closer, raising his neck, placing his head above hers. At her stomach she felt a jabbing sensation Reaching down. Her hand felt something long, stiff and smooth. It had to be his cock. Given her body's reluctance to accept his tongue, she doubted her would imbibe the erection with any ease. Solving on his hind legs, resting back on his tail, he was able to move his prick between Amelia's spread thighs. The angle was difficult. The huge head on the dick was round and leaked a clear fluid. Oh, what, what?
Speaker 3:As the Raptor pressed his boner against her.
Speaker 2:The helmet slid up and down and over her clit. The feeling was unlike anything she'd ever experienced Nerve endings tingling. The electricity spread through her entire being as her clit rubbed over and over the lubricated head of the Raptor's hard-on. Soon enough, she threw her head to the altar. Having reached new heights of pleasure, she strained at the ropes as her virginal body wracked in the throes of its first ever orgasm.
Speaker 1:Daniel, yeah, I'm blooded. In other words, you know how much Dina hates it when things are referred to as virginal or young, or, and you just went for it anyway. So listen, the backstory is that to save her village, she had to sacrifice herself to the Raptor. She's got death in her eyes, dude. Yeah, this is the ultimate sacrifice. Something like, fell in love with it and she loves it.
Speaker 3:Why.
Speaker 1:So Daniel's read the entire book, you guys?
Speaker 3:Yeah, 17 pages 18 pages front and back. 18 pages Front and back. Dina thoughts no.
Speaker 1:Dina as a dinosaur how anatomically? Correct was the depiction of the Raptor penis.
Speaker 2:I don't know.
Speaker 1:I always assumed Raptor cum would be like green or something not clear. Yeah, right yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:No that makes sense to me. What is bird? What is bird? Jizz like.
Speaker 1:Sean, can you just Google that for me real quick? I feel like we need to ask Stevie Wildcard. He's the cloaca guy. You know what?
Speaker 2:I'm going to call him real fast and see yeah, call him Call him.
Speaker 1:I'm going to give him a quick call here real quick. Let's see no context. Just ask him straight up.
Speaker 2:Don't even say hi.
Speaker 1:Yep, there it goes. Stevie Wildcard in my phone, so there we go.
Speaker 2:I hope he showed his phone number to the world just now.
Speaker 1:I definitely hope I did not do that. So we'll just continue to yeah, continue to get me so confused by this call. He's been waiting for a call like this, I hope he picks up.
Speaker 2:I hope he doesn't answer.
Speaker 1:Come on, man, stevie, please, stevie, stevie, please. This is like when Iron man called.
Speaker 2:Oh shit, try one more time. Be annoying, I'm not going to call him right back.
Speaker 3:Don't do dude, he's with family right now.
Speaker 1:I can't do that to him right now. I can't do it Emergency. All right, well, I'll ask Stevie Wildcard in post to give his thoughts on this yeah, we can splice this in Perfect, All right.
Speaker 1:Well, there we go. Well, we'll get to the mystery here and we'll go from there. So next week we are coming back at you with a guest and we are so excited for Centra Sullivan man. I can't wait, Dean, is this the best guest we've ever had on the show? I'm so excited. Oh my God, Sean, I cannot believe that you got this person.
Speaker 2:I can't wait to meet her Him name.
Speaker 1:This person, this human being, most definitely wrote and or more number of books One, maybe two, possibly, guys, guys, guys. Stevie Wildcard calls. Oh God, stevie, what's up? Dude, hey, so you're on a recording of Don't Make it Weird right now because we're in need of a crypto anatomical expert. Okay, I got you. Okay, sean, would you like to repeat? Can you repeat? Oh, sorry, what?
Speaker 3:is the question again, Sean.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it was. What does bird come look like? What does bird come look like Bird?
Speaker 3:ejaculate. What does it look like? The senses of the car I'm with my wife, my brother, my sister.
Speaker 1:Oh, excellent. I'm so glad I got you in this perfect opportunity. This is fantastic, stevie, I'm so sorry.
Speaker 3:Like what? Like cock, almost like a chick piece, yeah, kind of like how their poop is. Oh. So I believe it's something that you would have like a runny discharge around you. Like a blob of white. Okay, this is disgusting. Yeah yeah, some person will go to. Well, I mean no.
Speaker 1:I'd like everyone in the car to weigh in on this, please.
Speaker 3:Brandon, what do you think? What do you think bird ejaculate would look like Elmer's glue? Elmer's glue is from my brother, my brother, perfect.
Speaker 1:Perfect, perfect.
Speaker 2:So not green, no, no votes for green?
Speaker 1:Yeah, Okay, Now, like, does that, does your opinion change if you know birds evolved from raptors? Yeah, does your yeah? Is it like it's not going to be green, though, like this is going to stay in the white, like genre of colors?
Speaker 3:So I was actually thinking and this is a funny story that that can totally stay on it. But when I was in fifth grade and like my class went to like the, the science place field trip where you learned about sexual education, I was actually sick that day. And when I came back my my best friend told me that human ejaculate was green and I was like the sister has chimed in the she figs bird ejaculate would ask him what AT was when he figured out that wasn't true marshmallow fluff incredible.
Speaker 3:You could make a PBJBC and you can play pranks on people with it.
Speaker 1:It brings new meaning to fluffer nutter right there, baby.
Speaker 3:Luffer nutter right there.
Speaker 1:Well, the entire wildcard family. We appreciate entire wildcard family. We appreciate your time. This has been tremendous expert insight and we love you all. All right, y'all have a good, good, good recording. All right, bye, stevie, bye Tina. Thank you, stevie, bye, bye Tina, love you all. Fuck, yes, that was perfect. That was incredible.
Speaker 2:I feel like we, I feel like Spider-Man, just got a call from Iron man or something you know. Yeah, this is.
Speaker 1:I'm so happy that he picked up and that he was excited for it. Like this is it's love. Steve wildcard, if the people at home want to weigh in on the whole bird com, raptor com situation, give us a call. Yeah, yeah, you guys give us a call on our voicemail, which is 347 69 weird, that's 347 699 347 347 three or our alternate phone number, which is 281330 8004 and hit my phone up on the low who, who.
Speaker 1:All right guys. This has been another great episode of don't make a weird week, can't wait to see you all again. The episode we can't wait to see you all again next week. We finally achieved achieved Dina's dream of knocking one out in under an hour. Two thirds of an episode, two thirds that was a big Dina. Where can the folks find?
Speaker 2:you. You can find me on Twitter at Dina source D, that's D like these.
Speaker 1:And producer. Sean, we're going to folks find you. You can find me on X dot com at chase. Hold it Beautiful. What are you having for lunch and dinner? I'm unclear, I'm clear, perfect. Well guys, sean, you can go get that sensor bar up here because we're going to finish this roving process right now. And everybody jazz is thank you, rights thing. Thank you, rights thing. I love you all. Did you see? He had a little picture of your face over his nipple? Yeah, I did.
Speaker 3:Please Don't make it weird with Daniel Quigley, Penisaurus and Sean Holden, produced and edited by me Sean Holden Team song by Amaria, incidental music and sound effects provided by Voice Mod, as well as the YouTube audio library.
Speaker 1:You can rate and review this show on Spotify, apple podcasts, good pods and wherever else you download your podcasts. Got a question for Daniel or Dina? Call the don't make it weird hotline at 347 69 weird that's 347 699 3473 and leave us a message. It could be featured on a future episode and if you haven't already, please subscribe to don't make it weird on YouTube for the video presentation or on your favorite podcast app for the audio only version of the show. Thank you so much and we love you.
Speaker 3:Don't make it weird.
