The One With Dina Dakota

The episode takes a conspiratorial twist when we dig into the mysterious disappearance of Kate Middleton. Amid community efforts to recover a missing piece for Dina and her Kickstarter success story, we dive into gripping conspiracy theories about the British royal family. From speculating on Queen Elizabeth's secret demise to debating the relevance and attractiveness of royal figures, our irreverent banter keeps things lively and engaging. Don't miss our humorous take on pre-recorded New Year's Eve ball drops and secret royal scandals.

Switching gears, we dive into personal stories and creative ambitions. Dina shares a wild tale about her time in a cult and her secret Disney Channel shows indulgence, sparking debates on potential actresses for her biopic. We also touch on memoir writing, the quirks of our most popular episodes, and reminisce about a Mike Jones musical. With playful interactions, a surprise Linda Belcher voicemail, and lighthearted games, this episode promises non-stop laughter and unpredictable fun. Tune in for a rollercoaster of emotions and endless entertainment!

Transcript

Inappropriate Comedy Podcast Banter

Speaker 1 0:00

So here's the thing what's in your drink.

Speaker 2 0:02

Is there protein in there, or is it one of your?

Speaker 3 0:04

hands. My son plays with all of my cups on my bar cart.

Speaker 2 0:09

Hold on, stop. Daniel fucked with his camera and now it stopped recording. What did I say before we started? Once you get set up, don't touch anything.

Speaker 4 0:18

I just switched tabs man.

Speaker 2 0:21

I watched you reach up to your camera like this. I saw your hand palm in front of the lens. You fucking doofus it's the don't make it weird podcast with your hosts daniel and dinasaurus. Hello there. Welcome to the. Don't make a weird poke.

Speaker 4 0:44

Hello there, welcome to the Don't Make it Weird pod yeah, we did this. That went well. I got half of a word in and I've already fucked up the intro. This is perfect. Hello and welcome to the Don't Make it Weird podcast. I'm one of your co-hosts, daniel Quigley, and we are your writing comedy storytelling podcast for the writing community by the writing community, and I'm sure that this will definitely be cut and in no way will I be made fun of for this initial uh introduction. Is that, is that correct? Uh, producer sean? Um sure, sure, pal, thanks, buddy. Well, you know who's always going to help us out, buddy. We are joined, as always, by the delirious do-gooder who deletes ducks with dastardly dongles herself dinosaurus dongle herself, dina Soros.

Speaker 4 1:30

It's giving Victorian. It's giving Victorian. So, for the folks at home that that are listening on audio, only Dina is playing with her hair and she's made it look phallic shaped and it's really inappropriate. And, dina, would you like to apologize to the audience? Dina, would you like to apologize to the audience, dina? Dina, would you like to apologize to the audience for your penis hair? Dina? Dina, this is dead air. You have to. How dare you? How are you doing today, dina, your hair, looking on point. I'm so excited to be here with you, buddy.

Speaker 2 2:07

Did you?

Speaker 4 2:11

just say your hair, looking on point.

Speaker 2 2:13

I'm so excited to be here with you, buddy, I say your hair, look on, point, roll the tape.

Speaker 4 2:15

I definitely did not adopt actually having a stroke, you guys, your hair looking on point your hair, looking on point. Jamaican accent melons melons um no honestly.

Speaker 3 2:30

Here's the thing I've. Oh is it. Is my shirt blue or pink?

Speaker 2 2:36

is? It is the dress gold or blue? Everybody tell us at home or black and white.

Speaker 4 2:44

Yeah, yeah, dina, can we do something on today's episode? Because I just feel like we are getting really close to the three-year mark of all of us being a thruple, if you will, and I want to get back to our roots. Can we be more inappropriate this episode than we've been in the past?

Speaker 3 3:03

Like I want to ratchet this up to 25 percent higher you're at a seven and I need you at a three, uh-huh yeah, I can't do that, dina, dina can't do that, I want to get back to our roots.

Speaker 4 3:15

I want you to offend people so much that they want you to stop podcasting. Can you do that? Can you commit to that today, Dina? I? Need inappropriate Dina. Oh my God, Dina, like fuck All getting cut. So, Dina, are you willing to get inappropriate with me Because we're near three years?

Speaker 3 3:34

Let's get wild.

Speaker 2 3:38

Oh my God, I didn't even have to hit the button.

Speaker 4 3:39

Why.

Speaker 2 3:39

Why.

Speaker 4 3:42

Well, before we can get truly inappropriate, dina, we've got a third member of our crew Because, you see, back then Hoes didn't want him, and now he's hot, I'm all on him. Back then Hoes didn't want him, now he's hot, I'm all on him. Who? Producer Sean?

Speaker 2 4:02

Who indeed? Hello everybody.

Speaker 3 4:03

Doctor who, who indeed?

Speaker 4 4:04

hello everybody doctor who we're not playing the word association game right now. Dina, we're not doing this oh, hey, wait, hang on.

Speaker 3 4:16

I mean keep going so that we don't have dead air.

Speaker 4 4:18

But uh-huh, uh-huh yeah.

Speaker 2 4:22

Daniel, do you want to take a shower bud?

Speaker 4 4:28

I would like to take a shower, sean.

Speaker 3 4:30

Thank you okay, wait, I remembered, so I had an intro. I had an intro to the show.

Speaker 2 4:38

That's a remix can I go first? Would you like to go first she?

Speaker 4 4:43

fucking remixed the bit the bit.

Speaker 3 4:47

I had a whole intro planned, daniel, and then I forgot it because you were so insulting about my hair. So, anyway, I just wanted to tell you that you look easy to draw.

Speaker 4 4:55

I don't know if that's a compliment or not, and I'm oddly intrigued.

Speaker 5 4:59

I can't be a compliment. So what was your shower thought?

Speaker 1 5:00

for the day.

Speaker 4 5:02

I can't not think about this anymore. What the face.

Speaker 2 5:07

So, everybody, do us a favor and do a simple drawing of Daniel's face and send it to us on Twitter at DMIW Podcast. Let us know how difficult it was and we'll get back to you all in a future episode.

Speaker 4 5:20

Yeah, we'll give you guys stickers. How about that? We'll give stickers to anyone who draws my face. Draw me like one of your french whores, please pretty sure that's not the line. It has to be a line, so, anyways. But speaking of lines, um guys, would you like to cross some lines with me today? Why don't we knock this horse, play off, hop in the shower. And because it's time for Shower, thoughts, daniel.

Speaker 3 5:44

Oh my god, Daniel, are you drinking Of?

Speaker 4 5:47

course I'm drinking Sunny.

Speaker 2 5:48

D Vodka. He's got some leftover. Sunny D Vodka.

Speaker 4 5:52

Of course.

Speaker 4 5:52

I'm drinking, not a sponsor. Sorry guys, I was thinking about this the other day. I'm how dare you and this is going to take some participation from both of you, because I know Dina loves improv, so this is really going to be helpful for that. I had a thought Well, I may or may not have been taking alleged mouth drugs the other day and I came to the realization that everything is funnier in a TV show or movie if you replace duck with dick. So I'm going to give you, guys, a series of tv shows and movies with duck in the title. We're going to change it to dick, and I want you to tell me what this new movie or tv show or game is.

Speaker 3 6:35

Uh, now about so this is a shower?

Speaker 4 6:37

thoughts no, this is a shower because I've thought a lot about this and how this would rebrand it.

Speaker 2 6:42

Sean is thinking deeply right now, as you can tell with his expression, so I was trying to think of a way to, to, to abstain from this in a funny way, but I just can't so I'm just gonna say no, yeah, so.

Speaker 4 6:53

So here's the first one. Sean, are you ready? Uh, the famous a and e show dick dynasty you want to know what that's about yeah it's about a bunch of hillbilly bears who are searching for young rod.

Speaker 2 7:13

They're on the hunt for young rod if you know what I mean.

Speaker 4 7:15

So they're trying to build a dynasty with that young rod yeah, yeah well the original is about duck hunting.

Speaker 2 7:21

right, it's about building a. They built a company based off of some type of duck call whistle. Yeah, so maybe, maybe they invented a gay call. A gay call, it's like gaydar.

Speaker 4 7:35

So, yeah, it goes with gaydar. So use gaydar in conjunction with the dick call and it gets people to arrive. It's like, listen, this is going to outwork Grindr and Tinder. What, what are you whispering, dina?

Speaker 3 7:49

It helps them to arrive there, oh jeez.

Speaker 4 7:53

Perfect, Dina. This next one's for you because I want to tell you about.

Speaker 1 7:59

The Duck Van Dyke Show.

Speaker 2 8:03

She did the reverse she fucking reversed me.

Speaker 4 8:06

I like it, I like it. But you know what? We're going to go with? An absolute Disney classic. I think I saw this coming the Mighty Dicks.

Speaker 3 8:14

Yeah, I saw that one coming.

Speaker 4 8:17

Yeah, can you tell me about it, dina?

Speaker 3 8:19

No.

Speaker 4 8:21

Dina, the bit doesn't work if you don't play the game. I don't like the bit dina, the bit doesn't work if you don't play the game. I don't like the bit. Fine, sean, we're gonna we're gonna jump back to you.

Speaker 3 8:29

Okay, we'll circle back.

Speaker 4 8:30

We'll circle back we'll circle back, so so we've got this.

Speaker 3 8:34

This is literally just a game that you're trying to play, just shoehorning a game into.

Speaker 4 8:39

Yeah, yeah, yeah, because it's inappropriate, but I've got one more, one more, okay. Uh, this is a classic looney tunes special. Uh, and it's inappropriate, but I've got one more, one more, okay. This is a classic Looney Tunes special and it's called Dick Dodgers of the 24th and a half century. Keep talking about that Sean.

Speaker 2 8:54

It's about people who are intentionally celibate and they're not trying to get any dicks, so they're dodging that dick.

Speaker 4 9:02

They're dodging it in the future. Yeah, so it's like space, space where warfare to avoid the dick coming everywhere. I like it. I like it, thank you. Coming everywhere, since dina won't play. Um, I, I've got a lot of titles here. We've got we have dick hunter, we have howard the. There's a lot of options here, but you know what? This is what I've been thinking about and I'll continue to think about, so you can tell me about how this movie is for you guys in the future, and I hope to hear from you. So let's towel off and get back after.

Speaker 2 9:36

What do you think? Sean Sounds great, buddy, Thank you.

Speaker 4 9:42

An absolute ripper of a segment I can't help, but dina is still punishing me for her dick hair.

Speaker 2 9:51

Listen, hold on a second. There's a couple of things going on here does your dick look like?

Speaker 3 9:55

just you guys know I thought you were circumcised don't answer that.

Speaker 2 10:04

Um, there's a couple things going on here. Dina's upset at daniel because he still hasn't read something special and he didn't shave his head or do the weird face mask thing that she asked him to do. So, once again, daniel didn't follow through on his obligations after he made a wager. No, no, I no, no, I'm not done. Also, the other thing at play here is Zebra lost one of his toys and Dina was scrambling to find it before we recorded today and she didn't. And it's driving her insane and that's all she can think about.

Speaker 4 10:37

So you, know what's the shape. Can we make a wanted poster for this, like I want to?

Speaker 3 10:43

help, support you.

Speaker 4 10:43

That's the illuminati calm down.

Speaker 2 10:44

Dude put that way why did you tell him that now all he's gonna do is butter toast and show you vagina at the end of every episode?

Speaker 4 11:05

this is true. This is true. Oh, my god, dina, I wish also on a side note. This is an actual side note.

Speaker 4 11:10

My daughter was watching uh, you know, miss rachel on youtube because you know my son was watching that and she was watching it with her and they had like this is a big on like language and using and they actually use like a sign language interpreter for some songs, and so they had like a person in the corner and she asked me she's like daddy, who's this? And then so she uh, you know, I was like explaining sign language interpreters, as you know, since I'm an expert on the field and um naturally, yeah.

Speaker 4 11:37

And then she comes up to me and she just starts doing like little hand gestures. She's like, look, I'm doing sign language and I was. I wish I'd been able to send this to Dina, oh God.

Speaker 3 11:48

That's so cute.

Speaker 2 11:49

It's offensive yeah.

Speaker 4 11:52

She's already taken after her dad.

Speaker 2 11:54

She said all the dirty words. You know that.

Speaker 4 11:59

So, all right, Dina, dina, we're going to put out a wanted poster for this vagina shaped piece that is missing, and I hope that as a community, we can get together and we can find this thing, so Dina can have peace of mind and stop being mad at me. Can we do that together, guys? I'm in, okay, all right, thank you. So so, guys, can we quit? Do something today, can we? Because this episode is about doing whatever the fuck we want. It's today, can we? Because this episode is about doing whatever the fuck we want. It's about getting back to our roots. It's about dating our partners again, because we've been together for almost three years and they said that in any good relationship, you need to date your partners. So I want to date you guys again.

Speaker 2 12:32

Can we date again and and reconnect on a spiritual, beautiful level and I mean, I feel like we'd be cheating on jess if we did that. But go ahead okay.

Speaker 4 12:44

Well, you know what before I? I can't even go any further because I'm so fucking excited.

Speaker 3 12:48

Dina, tell the folks the good news dina, tell us about how your kickstarter was fully funded I'm super excited that my kickstarter funded and I can't wait for everybody to be able to read my book and have it out in the world and I hope that just as many people enjoy it as they enjoyed nothing special and I can't wait to start signing books and doing bookmarks on the show again and annoying the shit out of sean for doing forgot my laundry.

Speaker 4 13:13

Oh, the booby tassels, yeah were you gonna do your laundry during oh good, lord, okay I'm so proud of you for that, dina, that that's good, but no, we're so excited man. I mean it's hard, especially doing kickstarter for a second book in a series and just see the the community get together.

Speaker 4 13:28

Still, be really excited, because dina is a freaking phenomenal author. Nothing special and something special are going to be. Some of your favorite books have come out in the last five years and, uh, I'm telling you folks, get in on the ground floor. You might have missed out on the kickstarter, but there's still your opportunity, because the pre-orders are coming up, isn't that right, dina?

Speaker 3 13:44

Yeah, it is. I don't know. I don't know when, but they're coming up. I made that exact decision just now.

Speaker 4 13:51

So, guys, we've toweled off, we've gotten out of the shower and now I want you to dim the lights, I want you to put on some nice moon music.

Speaker 3 14:05

And it's time to leave your disbelief at the door for conspiracy corner with dinosaurs.

Speaker 4 14:08

Okay, so I'm super excited for this one, because I've been sitting on this one for a while, because that's what she said we drinking, just bouncing on it I can't get over this.

Speaker 3 14:22

I'm gonna only needed a glass.

Speaker 4 14:23

Hard consideration.

Speaker 2 14:24

What are you drinking? What is in it?

Speaker 3 14:27

So here's the thing my son plays at the bar cart, so none of the glasses on the bar cart are clean because he just throws them all over the ground. I thought that I grabbed a clean one because it was in the back. He put it back. There is so much dog hair and dirt in this.

Speaker 4 14:47

Your day is going great. Yeah, this is. I love this journey for you. First the vagina shape and now this. Do you need? A moment or be OK.

Speaker 3 14:56

I'll get it after conspiracy corner because I'm really excited.

Speaker 2 14:58

She's really excited. Let's do it.

Speaker 3 15:00

Let's go right into it, OK so this is kind of sort of old news, but I think it's still relevant because we didn't get a chance to record when it was going on. So kate middleton is missing and a lot of people are going to be like, oh my god, like relax, she came out and she said that she has cancer and everybody should leave her alone. Fake video. Okay, so we'll start from the beginning um, it was.

Speaker 3 15:23

Kate middleton was last seen on december 28th of 2023 and she was rushed to the um emergency room or hospital. However it goes in the uk, um, for routine or planned abdominal surgery is what they had said. Now you don't get rushed via ambulance and like a whole battalion of cars for a planned surgery in the middle of the night. So, first of all, fake news, calling that one so it's a quick question, real quick.

Speaker 4 15:53

Who's kate middleton?

Speaker 3 15:55

oh my god, she's the princess of wales. Motherfucker, why are you ruining my flow right now? I've been waiting for this segment for forever where's wales?

Speaker 3 16:07

so, um, anyway, she um, they released, the palace released a statement that said that they were um not going, that the princess would not be seen, um, until after easter. But then, like mid-january, the internet started blowing up and they were like wait a second, why aren't we seeing her? Why is she? They had like planned a family vacation or something to italy and that got canceled. And then several other public appearances that got canceled. So people were like wait, if this was a scheduled routine surgery, abdominal surgery then why did you have things planned out so far, even though this was planned? You should have already had those canceled, so why were they being canceled last minute?

Speaker 3 16:45

so, in the middle of all of this, um, kate's I don't remember the relationship, I think it was her sister's ex-boyfriend killed himself so allegedly allegedly allegedly um, and it was rumored that k Kate and the ex-boyfriend were still very close friends, and this was kind of like unexpected, because he was visiting his parents that day and, like his parents, they got, they went for a walk or something or they were out and then they got home and his parents went to go walk the dog and he then like just locked himself in the office and out of nowhere off to himself. Super sus, that's not usually how like with the gun goes down.

Speaker 3 17:30

Yeah, um, so that was suspicious. And then there were um also side, so hold that in the back of your brain. And now we also have rumors that have been going on since like 2017. I think it was that, um, uh, william was cheating on kate with, uh, rose peggy hanbury of cornberry, something or other I don't know. A lot of berries going on in there there's never been cheating in the royals, that's no never shocking um, but this was also kate's best friend.

Speaker 3 18:01

So, anyway, there's been that rumor that's going on for forever. Um, and it is one of the theories about kate missing right now is that, um, she, that her and the uh, her sister's refusing to tell anybody where she is. She took the kids allegedly and is hiding. So we've got that theory going on right now. There was also a statement released by William saying that, um, uh, I forget what it was. It was something about how he wasn't gonna to make an appearance or something and he signed it just William and he used his seal that he hasn't used since before he was married to Kate. So now people are thinking she's definitely dead or missing and like nobody has any idea where she is. There was also a rumor going around that she was in a coma because William injured her, because he found out about set affair, and that this Rose Hanbury person had started recirculating in the British tabloids.

Speaker 4 19:10

No, her name is not Rose Hanbury.

Speaker 3 19:13

We call her Peggy for reasons Um, I'm not even kidding Rose.

Speaker 2 19:20

Hanbury.

Speaker 3 19:21

Yeah, so um she started circulating in the British tabloids.

Speaker 2 19:26

So um she started circulating in the British tabloids. Her maiden name is even worse than Hanbury. What is it? Sarah Rose Cholmondeley? What the fuck.

Speaker 3 19:37

Cholmondeley.

Speaker 3 19:40

That's pronounced Cholmondeley, it's C-H-O-L-M-O-N-D-e-l-e-y chomly marchness of chomly um, so she started circulating back in the tabloids, even though she hasn't been mentioned in the tabloids since like 2017 or 2018. And so, um, people are thinking that the royal family is feeding this information to the tabloids so that they can make way for the new queen, because, lo and behold, charles has cancer, so he's going to be picking the bucket soon. And then, if William and Kate become king and queen, I don't think they can get divorced. I don't know anything about British royal family. Leave me alone, brits. I actually don't give a shit. I'm American. I love how well prepared you British Royal family. Leave me alone, brits. I actually don't give a shit, I'm.

Speaker 2 20:25

American. I love how well prepared you are for this. Yeah, this is a journey.

Speaker 3 20:28

It's been so many months, so they have to get rid of Kate now so that Rose can become queen. Otherwise Kate would forever be queen or something like that, I don't know. Anyway, perfect. Then they released, on Mother's day, a picture of kate and her. Yeah, yeah, there's more. So they released a picture of kate on mother's day with her children. Except people started noticing how freaking weird this picture was.

Speaker 3 20:55

I saw that yeah yeah, super ai generated and like all of the outfits that the kids were in they had worn a couple months prior, except the ai just changed the color of the outfits and like their hands were all messed up.

Speaker 3 21:07

Kate's wedding ring wasn't there and like it had been, like her face lined up perfectly like the angle and everything with a magazine, tabloid or whatever that she had posed for the cover for, and like her shirt and everything matched a video from back in whenever I don't know some Olympics or something, anyway. So people were like, no, really where the fuck is kate? And then the royal family released a statement pretending to be kate and said oh no, I'm just playing around with photoshop, I'm an amateur photographer, what please? Anyway, that was fully ai generated. So then all this happens, the british royal family is super, super quiet and then they release a video of Kate and she's making an announcement that she has cancer, right? Except when you take it frame by frame, her wedding ring disappears randomly in the middle of speaking. Her mouth is just like a black hole. There's no teeth or tongue or any shadowing or anything which is a sign of AI, and the flowers in the background don't move.

Speaker 3 22:05

They also don't match the season and um the shirt that she's wearing is from a video from prior and her voice doesn't match and her inflection um is standard for ai. Like it doesn't know when to pause and when to like perk up or whatever, and one of her shoulders is higher than the other one. Like it looks like she's sitting like this, except it's like flat.

Speaker 3 22:27

Like this okay, okay yeah, so none of it lines up. So that video was determined. I think that some like ai filter whatever expert said that it was 92 ai generated. So people are like where the fuck is kate?

Speaker 5 22:41

why are they?

Speaker 3 22:41

lying to us. Is she gone? Did they diana her? What's going on?

Speaker 2 22:46

I thought you were gonna do a full-on like body swap situation, but you're, she's flat out dead.

Speaker 3 22:51

Yes, oh, um. Okay, there was also a body swap situation um hold on. She was also she was also allegedly spotted casually going shopping in a market with william. Except when you like look at the pictures and you look at the height difference based on their shoes and like the pixels per frame they don't match up, Like their heights don't match up with how William and Kate actually are for their height difference.

Speaker 5 23:16

So that was fake.

Speaker 3 23:18

No, they think that it's her professional body double. I forget her name. But then the professional body double came out on um tmz or something like that and was like that definitely wasn't me. And everybody's like you're fucking liar. So that's where we're at with british royal family conspiracy corner.

Speaker 4 23:32

Okay, I won't do a second one because that was way longer than I thought go ahead so so I have a lot of questions.

Speaker 2 23:37

First question it was kira knightley in in that video, by the way come on, that's princess.

Speaker 4 23:41

I'm a dollar reference, um, all right, so okay. So Rose Hanbury is trying to become the new queen, and you're talking about the marchioness of modern area, right? Yeah and and Kate Middleton's lover got murdered by William, and now he saw that as an opportunity to then also offer her, in order to put the Rosebud on top of the thing, what is Wales?

Speaker 3 24:15

So okay, so back up, because he they think that they had somebody. They think that they had the ex-boyfriend killed, but also Kate and William have a reputation for being notoriously like physical, aggressive arguers, According to some palace rumors, so it might have gotten out of hand. So they think that it got out of hand and he actually buried her possibly stabbed in the abdomen because she needed abdomen surgery, or put her in a coma because the nanny oh yeah, that's one thing, the nanny quit the nanny quit.

Speaker 3 24:55

Two days after, all of this started going down. Fleed, fleed flowed flowed is definitely the word Spain and then was talking to a journalist in Spain and said no, Kate is in a coma. I left because shit's going crazy, she is 100% in a coma. So Nanny says she's in a coma.

Speaker 4 25:26

I think she's in a coma and or she has flown to did because she doesn't want to be. Diana, can you say coma again coma, because you really had like a wisconsin thing going on.

Speaker 1 25:33

Yeah, you're in a coma.

Speaker 2 25:34

She's going into coma coma yeah, I kind of want to know why. First of all, why would the March Madness of Chumbawamba even want to fuck around with Charles when he's got the worst hairline of all time and he's no longer like heir to the kingdom of the UK or whatever the fuck they call it over there, like he's got nothing to offer?

Speaker 3 25:59

Yeah, Wait what. William is in line to be king. How is he going to be king? How is he gonna be fucking okay, okay, you gotta get these people straight for this.

Speaker 2 26:10

Can we get kelly in?

Speaker 4 26:11

here because kelly is an expert on this my.

Royal Family Conspiracy Theories

Speaker 2 26:14

My understanding is fucking. Middleton and william left the royal family and said fuck you guys.

Speaker 3 26:21

you're no longer royals, oh my god, Sean, that's Meghan and Harry.

Speaker 4 26:26

Same thing, no two different people.

Speaker 3 26:30

That's another thing. People are starting to think that Meghan and Harry are the normal ones and that they were sane for being out. No, so William and Kate are in line for the throne. That's why they are prince and princess of Wales.

Speaker 4 26:44

So is it an actual whale or is it like on land and like they're?

Speaker 3 26:49

like I'm trying to understand you're really trying to lean into this american trope of being an idiot and it's not looking good because I'm taking this conspiracy serious how can, how can william and kate be in line for the throne when they're gonna have, like ethnically different children? So I just need you to focus here, like this is serious because we need to know why the british royal family is lying to the public why they've always and I can hear all of the Brits go. Why does it matter? Because there's a deep-seated conspiracy?

Speaker 2 27:28

Are you fucking kidding me? They've always lied to the public.

Speaker 3 27:32

But they're covering up somebody being dead.

Speaker 2 27:35

Okay, I've got to shout out. Listen, Elizabeth died 20 years ago. Okay, you think she just died Like she's? She didn't live that long, Are you fucking?

Speaker 3 27:44

joking. Is this a new conspiracy? So it's not new yeah.

Speaker 2 27:48

It's just like people think Dick Clark lived on for forever and ever. They just pre-recorded all those fucking new year's Eve ball drops, okay, yeah.

Speaker 4 27:57

Yeah Well no one sees Dick Clark outside of the ball. Drop bro.

Speaker 3 28:08

We're skipping the discussion segment in this episode, by the way, because, oh, do you want more conspiracy?

Speaker 4 28:12

yes, I just but, quick, quick question, monkey.

Speaker 1 28:15

Oh, charmondley is not even hot I know right, she's got a picture of her out there. I need to know version of kate middleton she has a weird hat.

Speaker 4 28:25

Can you put up a picture of her, Sean? I need to see who this person is.

Speaker 2 28:28

Yeah, and guys, what do you think? They're both not very attractive.

Speaker 3 28:32

Kate's so pretty.

Speaker 2 28:35

I'm talking about the March Madness of Jumbo Wumba. That's what I'm hearing too. Rose, Rose.

Speaker 4 28:43

Handjob, rose Bud, rose Handjob. That's what I'm hearing too.

Speaker 5 28:47

Rose hand job, rose hand job, oh no.

Speaker 3 28:48

Scrubber.

Speaker 4 28:51

So when do you guys think that Queen Elizabeth was like last sexually Attracted, like you think she was like having Sex? Like when she was getting into well Into her 90s like.

Speaker 3 29:02

Didn't her husband?

Speaker 4 29:02

die like 20 years ago, when did?

Speaker 3 29:04

prince philip die. She's very top heavy on her head like she looks like my son, looks like an afro yeah, like it tapers down dude william has the worst hairline.

Speaker 2 29:18

I don't care if he's gonna be king of fucking england but look at what he used to look like though what? When he had hair? Yeah, I mean, I don't care if he's going to be king of fucking England, but look at what he used to look like though what when he had hair? Yeah, I mean right now he looks like a Bond villain Like he's definitely a Bond villain or like a middleman CEO that's burnt out. He looks like Woody Harrelson would play him in a movie.

Speaker 3 29:37

Oh shit, oh my God. Except Woody Harrelson is way more attractive than that.

Speaker 2 29:46

He's the timu version of woody harrelson prince william with hair. Yeah, look at him when he had hair.

Speaker 3 29:53

He looked like a male model I know right, kate got like catfished big time you probably had it like this is a thousand percent of hair piece, you guys he has.

Speaker 4 30:08

No, that's not real hair does not move like that. That, that can't possibly be real.

Speaker 2 30:13

This is alex james and the frosted tips all over here from the hair that's on the side of his head oh my god maybe that's why he lost his hair is a botched hair job experience botched rose hand job experience. What? What if that's?

Speaker 3 30:33

true, I'm so far down conspiracy, tiktok guys, everything just sounds real now making, like british royal family, t Family TikTok conspiracy videos yourself. I feel like you should be doing duets, because I only have our CMIW channel and I like feel weird, so why use it? Get us views.

Speaker 4 30:52

Yeah we're happy to lean into conspiracy or hashtag flat earth anytime. So you know.

Speaker 3 30:58

So okay, Are we continuing conspiracy segment or are we skipping? What are we actually doing?

Speaker 2 31:03

No hold on a second. If you're going to stay on the same topic, sure, but I don't want to go down another fucking rabbit hole.

Speaker 4 31:10

Yeah, it's going to be a different rabbit hole. I'm going to go down another rabbit hole.

Speaker 3 31:15

Oh yeah, kate hasn't answered any of Harry's phone calls, supposedly. I shit myself. When did I say that? Yes, yes, it's back yes, when did I say that? I've never shit myself? Take that back. I gave birth.

Speaker 2 31:35

I definitely shit myself okay, let's move on, you guys wait, we just spent 45 minutes doing the first 10 minutes of this rundown.

Speaker 3 31:49

I missed you guys. I missed you too, Dina. I have to go pee and I need a new drink. This is disgusting.

Speaker 2 31:55

Yeah, I'll miss you, handle that.

Speaker 4 31:58

Yeah, dina, it's time for us to hold ourselves accountable here. It's time for a segment that ourselves accountable here. It's time for a segment that we in no way stole from any other insanely popular podcast, like we have issues and it's completely original segment and I think this is very important for us to discuss what we've been doing with our writing journey here. Dina.

Speaker 3 32:20

I started a memoir did you now. Yeah, that's it.

Speaker 4 32:28

Nothing special, are you electric boogaloo?

Speaker 2 32:31

Well, first of all, why did you just do a weird leprechaun accent? Second of all, she's talking about the memoir that she's writing. We already talked about a sequel to nothing special. Are you actively getting nothing special? A sequel to nothing special, are you actively?

Speaker 4 32:45

getting nothing special no nothing special.

Speaker 3 32:48

He's making a joke about nothing special being my em no, he's.

Speaker 2 32:53

He's actively receiving brain damage and we're watching it happen. His brain is literally melting in his head melting right in front of money.

Speaker 4 33:00

I'm paying money? How? Five minutes ago you said, you missed me.

Speaker 3 33:06

I take it back.

Speaker 2 33:07

I cut that part out.

Speaker 4 33:10

People don't know. They have no idea, they have nothing.

Speaker 3 33:12

What have you been writing lately, Daniel?

Speaker 4 33:17

Listen, little miss attitude Thing. I haven't written a thing, but I actually have a way way more important update. Are you guys ready for this? No, no. A couple of episodes ago, Um, we had a whole discussion about the greatest idea I've ever had, which is Mike Jones, the musical. Um, obviously our highest rated episode of all time. I mean, it got thousands of views and I'm still.

Speaker 2 33:42

It was only 46 minutes long because we didn't record the first 20 minutes of it, but go on yeah and uh, all-time greatest episode don't make a weird history.

Speaker 4 33:52

And so it got me thinking. I want to know what mike jones has been up to and, um, I'm going to send you guys something in the group chat so we can all experience this. Uh, live together. Um, for the latest project, because it's going to involve something that we do soon. Does he work at a Wendy's? No, no, no, no.

Speaker 3 34:12

I'm not watching that, I'm not doing a segment on that he has an autobiographical movie. He made a biopic.

Speaker 4 34:20

He made a biopic called the American dream by Mike Jones.

Speaker 2 34:24

Bro, that was almost 20 years ago. What do you mean? That's what he's up to.

Speaker 4 34:29

That was literally 2007.

Speaker 2 34:32

It's 2024.

Speaker 1 34:32

I didn't check out my Neopets today.

Speaker 2 34:37

I'm more interested in that. Dina, how's your Neopets thing going?

Speaker 3 34:40

Currently starving to death. Thanks.

Speaker 4 34:44

Me too. Neopets thing going Currently starving to death. Thanks Because they aren't watching the Mike Jones biopic. We are watching this, guys. Did you just say biopic?

Speaker 3 34:52

Biopic.

Speaker 4 34:54

Yeah, biopic, biopic, looking at it alone. Yeah, exactly what I said you said biopic.

Speaker 2 35:01

Yeah, like it's a fucking prescription medicine they try to sell me during the football commercials I know about prescriptions.

Speaker 3 35:08

Now I have a second job thank you, dina.

Speaker 4 35:12

That was. That was an excellent contribution to the conversation. I appreciate that. How are your neopets doing? Are you feeding them right now, as we speak?

Speaker 3 35:18

yeah, no longer starving.

Speaker 2 35:20

Thank you for asking do they need to be prescribed biopic?

Speaker 3 35:25

she's only prescribed biopic.

Speaker 4 35:29

She's only family biopic for men. But listen, listen, I you know there's been some stuff happening. Book two of of the Cryptid Protection Agency has got a you know. Be on the lookout for an announcement there's. There's some stuff in the works there and, uh, very excited about that, um, and so now that you know that project is moving forward, uh, guess I have to write again in that series. So, dina, do I actually have to write? Nobody asked for a sequel. What are you talking?

Speaker 3 35:57

about no, okay, that's fair, okay, good if your numbers do as good as something special. No, well, it's not as good as something special, no.

Speaker 4 36:06

Well, it's not as special as something special. It's just, you know, doing its thing. Producer, sean, what you been up to? What's Creative Juices flowing down your face doing so.

Speaker 2 36:18

I've currently got clam and garlic pizza flowing down my face. But yeah, shout out Golden Boy Pizza. Not a sponsor you could be. We have our three-year anniversary coming up and initially I thought we would do an early anniversary.

Speaker 4 36:39

We've been together a little longer than three years it's been a lot longer than three years.

Speaker 3 36:42

I know. That's why I was confused.

Speaker 2 36:45

Our three-year podiversary is coming up, as in like the three-year anniversary to the day that we uh released the very first episode of podcast. Initially we were gonna do like a a weird two-year three anniversary thing a couple of weeks ago, but thought it'd be more special to do it on that day. So on April 25th you will be having our live stream anniversary special Um, where we're going to unveil.

Speaker 4 37:15

Mike Jones fireworks.

Speaker 2 37:17

There will be absolutely no mention of Mike Jones. Um, make that promise, Sean, there will be special effects there will be, Absolutely no mention of Mike Jones.

Speaker 4 37:23

I promise Sean.

Speaker 2 37:25

There will be special effects, there will be backup dancers, an entire orchestra, a whole orchestra.

Speaker 4 37:36

I thought we could only get the bassist, so anyway our anniversary show is on April 25th.

Speaker 2 37:42

Please come join us. We'll give away cool shit. Daniel will behave Hopefully.

Speaker 4 37:49

If you have thoughts on race issues, maybe gender issues, maybe a controversial topic, you could give us a call at 347-69-WEIRD. That's 347-699-.

Speaker 2 38:01

I haven't even checked our voicemail. Should we like do a live check of the voicemail right now? I haven't even checked our voicemail. Should be like do a live check of the voicemail right now? I didn't even yeah, let's fucking do it yeah it's been a while since I I dipped into the voicemail box. All right, we do have a voicemail. You guys a voicemail voicemail.

Speaker 1 38:23

Hello to the Don't Make it Weird people. I'm Linda and I'm here to make it weird. It's Linda Belcher, oh.

Speaker 5 38:36

Lynn, what are you? What are you? What are you doing?

Speaker 1 38:40

Bobby, I'm calling the Don't Make it Weird people. I saw them on the YouTubers and I just had to tell them that I love them so much.

Speaker 5 38:50

Lynn Lynn, you really have to stop calling random people.

Speaker 1 38:53

Bobby, I'm going to call whoever I want. Why don't you go back to making your burgers?

Speaker 5 39:00

Lynn, we need cilantro from the store and you haven't gone to pick up any coriander.

Speaker 1 39:08

That's because my feet hurt, bobby, and I don't want to. I can't do it, it's too much. You know, you should be like Tina and you should get me one of those horses and I could ride on the horse and I could go to the store for you, bobby, come on Lynn, I've told you before you are not getting a horse.

Speaker 5 39:28

I don't care. We've talked to Tina about this. It's just not happy but happy.

Speaker 1 39:35

I want to paint the town yellow with my equestrian, so I have a little thing. The saltiness gets less good the more I drink it.

Speaker 5 39:47

Lynn, you can't bring that up.

Speaker 1 39:50

Bobby, this is my phone call, not yours, okay. So listen guys. You know all of your potatoes. They're wrong.

Speaker 5 39:59

You know all, lynn, I've told you before you can't criticize people on their own podcast like you have to allow them to just be no, listen, listen, buddy.

Speaker 1 40:11

Okay, you have to have a potato to every portion of the day. You can't have just one potato. There is no superior form of potato. Because what if I'm at breakfast, hot take and I want hash browns, but then you know what, it's noon and I want the mashed potatoes, but then it's dinner time and I'm like, give me the french fry.

Speaker 5 40:38

I want the steak fry with the steak sauce. Lynn I. Where are the kids? I'd rather be with them.

Speaker 1 40:51

Bobby, I sent them to the store for the cilantro and coriander you wanted, damn it.

Speaker 5 40:58

Oh, lynn, I love you so much.

Speaker 1 41:02

I know Bobby. Bobby, can you massage my feet later?

Speaker 5 41:08

Only for you, lynn, only for you.

Speaker 1 41:11

Alright, well, I just wanted to tell you that you are so beautiful and funny and I love listening to you.

Speaker 4 41:18

Cringy, that was so good we just went on a journey, guys. That was incredible okay. I'm pretty sure that was Levi.

Speaker 2 41:34

That was incredible. The impressions were like spot on. I think that we just discovered that like the max, like message length, is three minutes, because you just got cut off. Levi just got cut off at three minutes exactly so Sean, I heard we have another voicemail.

Speaker 4 41:55

We want to play it.

Speaker 3 41:56

No, we don't. No, we don't. We'll save that, we'll pocket that We'll crack these up.

Speaker 2 42:03

We gotta ration these out baby, we'll save that we'll pocket that we gotta ration these out, baby, spread it out just spread it out, sean, what's? Our next segment. Buddy, you gotta tell people how they can leave us a voicemail. Oh, that's 347 69.

Speaker 4 42:20

Weird, that's 347 699. 347-69-weird, that's 347-699-3473.

Speaker 3 42:26

In my head. Our cup had our phone number.

Speaker 2 42:30

You were trying to hold up the cup, Just like showing it off. Here's the number everyone it's 1-800-BUFFALO 1-800-BUFFALO.

Speaker 4 42:41

Okay, I don't even think we have time for a game segment. We're not even 50% through fucking yeah, I was gonna say I don't think hey dina.

Speaker 2 42:49

Hey dina, would you consider yourself?

Speaker 3 42:58

it's an hour in this is what happens when we go so long without talking. We're so rusty and we're rusty, we're so rusty um, yeah, today we're gonna tell a story about the time that I was here in montana with madame rose, it was you all along that's exactly what I did folks, that's exactly what I did, guys that's how it happened.

Speaker 4 43:26

No, I'm with you. I'm excited to see where this goes. Uh, this is the most innocuous one.

Speaker 2 43:31

I'm still interested in razor um exploration, or whatever that one was you are because you assume that she was shaving her nethers, and it's just weird.

Speaker 4 43:39

I would never do that we I got a spit take. Let's go. That's a win. Wrap the episode. We accomplished our goal.

Speaker 2 44:00

Just for the uninitiated, one of the options in the poll was razor mishap and uh, we all know what Daniel was thinking.

Speaker 4 44:11

I would never besmirch the great name of house, soros, by by discussing her grooming habits.

Speaker 2 44:23

Yeah, of course not. You would never do that. Are you going to drink that now? Do you regurgitate it? Okay, cool, today we're going to play a game, you guys. It's inspired by the Hot Ones game, truth or Dab. It's going to be truth or drink, so let's get it going, let's go because we're definitely not already drunk.

Speaker 2 44:42

I'm going to Thanks Levi. I'm going to Thanks Levi. I'm going to ask a question, like a truth situation, and you have to answer or take a drink, okay, okay, dina, her face. You can still draw my face. There's still what's the most you've lied on a college application or a job application?

Speaker 3 45:10

I've never lied on a college or job application. My accomplishments speak for themselves.

Speaker 4 45:18

My accomplishments speak for themselves. I haven't though.

Speaker 2 45:23

You did once interview for a physical education position.

Speaker 1 45:29

But I didn't mean to do that and everything was on my application.

Speaker 2 45:36

Daniel, of the people in this room rank everyone from most to least intellectual.

Speaker 4 45:44

Obviously, I'm the most intellectual here he's wearing his fucking professional hat right now. Obviously I'm the most professional and intelligent here not the question also not true. Sean, just on account of him being a man, is too. So Dina with her female inclinations, uh, definitely at the bottom yeah yeah daniel yeah here's a bonus one for you, pal uh-huh.

Speaker 2 46:19

How many languages can dana? Who's Dana?

Speaker 3 46:21

Diana Diana.

Speaker 2 46:27

Back to the Royals. Princess Diana, how many languages can Dana speak?

Speaker 4 46:35

Obviously at least two. I feel like there's if we're splitting hairs with maybe there being different variations and stuff of like, sign that she probably can do some different languages of that. I don't think she speaks spanish. I know that she does speak um africans, so I would say africans, yeah, yeah, I'm gonna go three. I'm gonna go three, yeah, I'm going to go. Greek.

Speaker 2 47:02

Melanz Tina.

Speaker 3 47:06

I used to be fluent in Spanish. Are we counting that?

Speaker 2 47:10

Used to.

Speaker 3 47:12

I'm no longer fluent.

Speaker 1 47:15

Por qué.

Speaker 3 47:16

I used to speak a little bit. No, just two. He hit her with the por qué, por qué? No es porqué, oh god, so just two.

Speaker 4 47:29

Daniel was wrong take a drink okay but are you fluent in more than one thing of like variation of sign language, because I know that there's like dialect and multiple dialects yes, but not multiple sign language, because I know that there's like multiple dialects.

Speaker 3 47:43

Yes, but not multiple sign language. Just, I studied international sign but I'm not good at it. It's fucking stupid sean.

Speaker 4 47:55

What's the next one, buddy?

Speaker 2 47:56

dina. Read the last five things you searched, searched for on your phone out loud yes, oh no, how do I look that up? Okay, I don't know how to do it on iPhone. Do you use Google to search on your iPhone?

Speaker 1 48:13

No I use Safari.

Speaker 3 48:16

No, did you hear that? Yeah?

Speaker 4 48:21

I'm sorry if you guys like using outdated technology. It's fine.

Speaker 2 48:25

Google is very outdated.

Speaker 3 48:27

You're right. How do I get Safari to stop showing previews? Clear the history. No.

Speaker 4 48:33

No Clear history Oops. Clear data While we're waiting, sean I'm going to send you my search history again. Search history I'm good Safari.

Speaker 3 48:42

I actually want to know again. They're just good and safari I actually want to know.

Speaker 2 48:49

This could be good, cool safari app on your mac. No, it's gonna say where is wales?

Speaker 4 48:54

seriously, I need to know oh, I see, okay, oh no, I don't see where's that picture?

Speaker 3 49:03

it's all porn I don't see that picture anywhere.

Speaker 2 49:11

Bookmarks show us daniel, describe to us a time you accidentally hit something with your car. Which time? The spiciest time.

Speaker 4 49:28

So here's my problem A lot of the times when I hit things with my car.

Speaker 3 49:34

Go on, dina, this evening, the last five. Do you want me to go before I Googled all this? Yeah, something special by Last Boys Press.

Speaker 4 49:47

Kickstarter. There you go you googled your own Kickstarter.

Speaker 3 49:51

I didn't know the link. Potassium citrate plus granules.

Speaker 4 50:00

Okay, as one does.

Speaker 2 50:03

Granules.

Speaker 3 50:04

How tall is Jennifer Garth?

Speaker 4 50:09

How tall is Amanda Byn?

Speaker 3 50:09

garth. How tall is amanda vines? How tall are they? Gary and jill, problematic. What I like about you?

Speaker 2 50:17

is that fine? Why are you so?

Speaker 4 50:17

interested in how tall they are.

Speaker 3 50:19

I have questions about that so in my head I was watching what I like about. Okay, no, I was watching what I like about you, not in my head, I was actually watching it yeah, you're actually watching.

Speaker 2 50:29

What's it about? What happened?

Speaker 3 50:39

the older sister is shorter than the younger sister and I was like I wonder how tall they are, because that's a stark height difference. So I googled it and one is 5'8 and one is 5'7. I think they were just in heels what the fuck, dina?

Speaker 4 50:55

they're basically the same height.

Speaker 3 50:57

I think they were in heels okay, alright.

Speaker 4 51:02

So last time I hit something, I hit my mom's mailbox trying to back into the driveway. Most of the times that I hit things, I hit my mom's mailbox trying to back into the driveway. Most of the times that I hit things with my car it's usually parking or leaving a parking lot. Stationary objects are very problematic for me. I'm okay when objects are in motion.

Speaker 2 51:19

I seem to remember you snapping the axle in your mom's car, like when we were teenagers, because you ran into the curb Yep.

Speaker 4 51:28

Yeah.

Speaker 2 51:29

Snap the axle.

Speaker 4 51:31

Yep, I, literally I'm fine when the cars are in motion. Be worried when nothing is in motion.

Speaker 3 51:40

That is the time to be scared. I had a mailbox once.

Speaker 4 51:43

It involved the bike gang, didn't it?

Speaker 2 51:47

I hit a mailbox as well.

Speaker 3 51:49

I kept going.

Speaker 2 51:52

I didn't. I left a note because no one answered the door when I knocked. Okay, we'll do one more each, because this is out of control. Dina, sometimes people see things they probably shouldn't have. Who have you seen naked, but you didn't tell them about it didn't tell them about it no, who have you seen naked? And they don't know about it?

Speaker 3 52:22

I don't know. I think I've told everybody.

Speaker 4 52:25

My reaction is pretty big. They know if I've seen them naked.

Speaker 5 52:31

My reaction is pretty big.

Speaker 1 52:35

Oh no.

Speaker 2 52:37

Oh no, there's genitals over there.

Speaker 3 52:42

Yeah, I've pretty much been like oh my God, like every time.

Speaker 2 52:47

Daniel, you've seen a lot of penis.

Speaker 3 52:48

yeah, I've pretty much been like, oh my god, like every time I daniel husband naked and she calls us eskimo sisters now oh, that's so, that's so romantic um, daniel.

Speaker 2 52:57

Yeah. How many colleges rejected you?

Speaker 4 53:01

you know, I really actually need to call my mom on this, because I I think I only applied to one college. I honestly think I only applied to like one school, like I don't like, maybe I just blocked the trauma, but I got into the one school I applied to.

Speaker 2 53:14

You never applied to Florida.

Speaker 4 53:17

No, no I do?

Speaker 5 53:18

I had no shot.

Speaker 4 53:20

You've got pretty low standards here.

Speaker 3 53:22

I think you could have been okay.

Speaker 4 53:23

No dude, florida is actually like a good school, gainesville.

Speaker 2 53:28

Alright, this has been Truth or Drink. We were going to have a discussion in this episode, but now we're not, because we spent 75 minutes on the royal family.

Speaker 3 53:44

I told you I was excited.

Speaker 4 53:45

So, sean, I've picked up because you haven't answered any questions, so I have a list of um naughty icebreakers. Can we just like power through some of these for you real quick?

Speaker 2 53:52

oh, fuck you yeah um, yeah, we have time for this, right, yeah?

Speaker 4 53:56

yeah, absolutely. Have you ever showered with someone of the opposite sex? Yes. Have you ever taken a pregnancy test? No. Have you ever lied about your age? Yes. Have you ever taken a pregnancy test? No. Have you ever lied about your age? Yes. Have you ever been hit on by someone who was too old?

Speaker 2 54:14

Not to my knowledge, probably, but I don't know when I'm being hit on.

Speaker 4 54:18

Have you ever worn special clothes to cover up a hickey?

Speaker 2 54:22

No, I did consider wearing a turtleneck, and then I was like I've never worn a turtleneck in my life. People would know there's something on my fucking neck I love this.

Speaker 4 54:35

Um. Have you ever sunbathed partially or totally naked? No, have you ever gone commando? Yes, have you ever fooled around with someone outside in nature? Outside nature, outside in nature the birds and the bees, sean is that where that comes from?

Speaker 2 54:57

I mean, does in a tent count cause yes, Dina, does that count?

Speaker 3 55:02

did you pitch a tent? No, that doesn't count. That doesn't count because I got friends that did it back in my other friend's cow pasture, so it doesn't count, have you ever, I would say no.

Speaker 4 55:15

Have you ever been caught fooling around by a parent or sibling?

Speaker 2 55:19

Don't have any siblings. Dina's video just died.

Speaker 4 55:22

We'll count Donna as sibling in this scenario.

Speaker 2 55:27

No, no, rob, no, I did catch Rob.

Speaker 4 55:36

We'll put a pin in that. I want to hear about that, my mom almost caught me once, and Dina's gone.

Speaker 3 55:46

She'll get a nose job.

Speaker 4 55:52

Sean, last question have you ever had a dream about a teacher or someone you work with?

Speaker 2 56:01

Yes, who Not answering that?

Speaker 4 56:09

That's a trap. It's me, it's me.

Speaker 3 56:15

You're not his teacher or somebody he works with.

Speaker 4 56:19

I'm his teacher in many ways, if you think about it.

Speaker 3 56:22

A teacher on what not to do.

Speaker 4 56:26

So, anyways, we like storytelling here on this podcast and, as such, we're all about storytelling here, and each and every week we aim to share an entertaining tale.

Speaker 2 56:40

So, without further ado, it's story time with Dinosaurus.

Speaker 3 56:50

Surprise guys, it's a cult story, what so? Um, I was in a cult. I don't know if you guys know that or not, but this is brand new information Was it in Wales, oh my god. Um, so I, so most people in the cult, were not allowed to watch disney channel. I was allowed to watch hannah montana and wizards of waverly place. I don't know why those were the two that I was allowed to watch, because wizards of waverly Place should have never been on there.

Speaker 3 57:29

But it wasn't and I could, and I was allowed, but nobody.

Speaker 4 57:34

You weren't allowed to listen to music, daniel, but you were allowed to watch Wizards of Waverly Place.

Speaker 3 57:41

So this was a part within our way out of the final cult that I was allowed to listen to Hannah Montana. I could listen to one Hannah Montana song for every two hymns that I listened to.

Speaker 4 57:58

That's a good deal. It's a great deal.

Speaker 3 58:01

Yeah. So nobody in the cult knew what hannah montana was. Nobody like had any inkling of anything disney channel other than disney is satanic and I think, like some people watched lion king, whatever, yeah, um. So my friend and I were joking around one day because she also like secretly watched hannah montana and we were like how funny would it be if, like we pulled a Hannah Montana because I got into one of my mom's weight. Like my mom used to have a bunch of wigs when she was younger and she still had them in the top of her closet. And I got them, uh, from the top of her closet and I, my friend and I were like she had we had a sleepover and, um, I was putting one on and I like made a joke about hannah montana. So my friend was like how funny would it be if you showed up to sunday school and you had on a wig and glasses and pretended to be somebody completely different? Like how would everybody react? Because we never got outsiders, we never got strangers, right?

Speaker 1 59:01

so dina, montina dina.

Speaker 3 59:03

Montina. Yeah, we spent way too much time trying to figure out a state that would rhyme with my name. Drop a comment below if you can think of one. So anyway, we Dina. Louisiana is what we came up with. Anyway. I showed up to church the next to Sunday school the next day and I had on a red curly haired wig and glasses.

Speaker 4 59:34

And I had a hoodie. Is this the same wig from the first episode?

Speaker 1 59:37

of Don't Make it Weird.

Speaker 2 59:38

The espionage wig? Yes, it is.

Speaker 3 59:42

So I showed up, not a single person recognized me and I sat down at my normal seat in Sunday school and we were, like at this, like huge conference table, there were these two giant wooden cherry wood tables that pushed together and we all sat in like a square and we sang hymns and I nobody noticed that I was gone. I'm still kind of a little bit hurt about that. But anyway, dina, south Dakota, that's just no.

Speaker 4 1:00:14

Name a better one. I'm in. I think that's the right move, Dina.

Speaker 3 1:00:18

South.

Speaker 4 1:00:18

Dakota.

Speaker 3 1:00:19

I took all of my usual. I had on like a really thick accent and I we were singing and I sang all of like my regular parts that I did for all of like whatever hymns we usually did, and everybody was like really impressed that this outsider like knew all of the songs and everything. And then, and like right after we got done singing hymns, I like ripped off the wig and I was like I'm Hannah Montana and no one got the reference. No single person understood what I was doing and I was cracking up.

Speaker 2 1:00:52

They weren't allowed to watch.

Speaker 3 1:00:53

I thought it was the funniest thing ever. Yeah, it felt flat.

Speaker 4 1:00:57

So I need to go back to something. Why did your mom have so many wigs?

Speaker 3 1:01:03

So this one time she cut off her hair and she just bought wigs to wear instead. I don't know if it was an accident. She cut it too short or like what? She wore a wig to our wedding my parents wedding because her hair was so short. Dina Delaware.

Speaker 4 1:01:23

Dina Delaware. I like it. I think it's perfect that was beautiful.

Speaker 2 1:01:34

Who would play you doing that in your biopic?

Speaker 4 1:01:40

in the biopic.

Speaker 3 1:01:42

Emma Stone.

Speaker 4 1:01:46

Emma Stone, so she wouldn't even need to wear a wig, I guess yeah, so the wear the wig would be when she's playing dina yeah, so you would know yourself.

Speaker 3 1:01:55

But then you as anna montana would be in a movie yeah, okay, you know what audience.

Speaker 4 1:02:05

Levi Levi, why don't you tell us who Dina?

Speaker 3 1:02:07

is one audience member.

Speaker 2 1:02:10

Levi knows.

Speaker 3 1:02:12

I think Levi already gave me. I bet Levi would know better than anybody else yeah, I think Levi actually already gave me a celebrity lookalike. But like would that celebrity play me?

Speaker 4 1:02:31

I feel like zoe deschanel could work if we like really curled up her hair oh yeah, she's quirky and it just got excited because of the bangs.

Speaker 3 1:02:42

You don't have bangs, so she wouldn't have bangs you're gonna have bangs on our three-year anniversary now, fuck you fuck.

Speaker 2 1:02:52

You come dressed as zoe de chanel, but with curly bangs who's that girl? It's dina, it's dina dakota, it's dina Dakota it's.

Speaker 4 1:03:07

Dina.

Speaker 3 1:03:07

Dakota South Dakota.

Speaker 4 1:03:08

South Dakota. So, guys, incredible. If you enjoyed this adventure and you would like, to go on further adventures.

Speaker 3 1:03:13

Your mic is back here, daniel.

Speaker 4 1:03:16

Dina, dina Let him choose their own adventure, please.

Speaker 3 1:03:20

I don't remember what I picked.

Speaker 4 1:03:22

Your second arranged marriage, dina, it's in the rundown.

Speaker 2 1:03:25

Your first divorce remember what I picked. Your second arranged marriage.

Speaker 4 1:03:27

It's in the rundown Of course, or the time I ruined Amazon for the entire world.

Speaker 3 1:03:34

Drink.

Speaker 2 1:03:36

Are you Elon Musk?

Speaker 3 1:03:39

You know no, but I did ruin one of his plans.

Speaker 2 1:03:44

I'm kind of proud of it. I really hate that.

Speaker 3 1:03:45

No plans I'm kind of proud of it. I really hate that. No plans, I'm kind of proud of that.

Speaker 1 1:03:49

Nobody ever picks it, all right. I really want to know how.

Speaker 4 1:03:54

Dina fucked up. You know, space Karen, so I'm excited for that. Space Karen, you know, never mind. There's also someone got his little AI to make a female version of Elon and it's weird. Was it just Amber Heard, dina? What, sean, you're getting further from the truth, buddy Tennessea.

Speaker 3 1:04:16

Tennesseana.

Speaker 4 1:04:18

Tennessea, california, california, yugoslavia. Florida, california, california, yugoslavia.

Speaker 3 1:04:25

Florida.

Speaker 2 1:04:27

California.

Speaker 4 1:04:30

So, dina buddy, it's time. It's time to give the people what they really want.

Speaker 3 1:04:35

I think this episode's too long.

Speaker 4 1:04:37

We should just cut it Is it really yeah, you see every week.

Speaker 2 1:04:41

Uno reverse. We celebrate Hold on. Hold on a second, because I forgot that our stand in music is dead. It just decided to stop working at some point so, you know what that means. Hello ladies, we're bringing it back. Sue me, world Wrestling Entertainment, you got enough to deal with Vince McMahon.

Speaker 1 1:05:05

We make no money off of this shit.

Speaker 4 1:05:08

Suck it, daniel. Oh, sorry, I was just vibing. Every week we celebrate some of the worst erotic literature in history, typically as selected by the Literary Review of British Literary Magazine in a segment that we call Cringy Copulation. These are real excerpts from real books intended to be taken seriously. This week's excerpt will be read by Dina and is from the Zone of Inquiry Dina Sina by Martin Amos, sir Martin Lewis.

Speaker 5 1:05:39

Amos Martin.

Speaker 4 1:05:39

Amos.

Speaker 3 1:05:40

Amos.

Speaker 4 1:05:42

Amos oh. Nathaniel Erotic is an English novelist, essayist, memorist and screenwriter. He received the James Taint Memoirist.

Speaker 3 1:05:52

I was like what's a memorist?

Speaker 4 1:05:55

A memorist, memoirist.

Speaker 2 1:05:56

A professional memory reader.

Speaker 4 1:05:58

He received the.

Speaker 2 1:06:00

James Taint Black Memoirist.

Speaker 3 1:06:03

Taint baby. Did you know that in the Amanda Bynes show? Never mind.

Speaker 4 1:06:08

For his memoir experience. It was twice listed for the Booker Prize. Amos was a professor of creative writing at the University of Manchester's Center for New Writing. The Times named him one of the 50-gradiest British writers since 1945.

Speaker 2 1:06:22

50-gradiest baby, Do you know Sliding into them DMs?

Speaker 3 1:06:31

Serena. Serena wasn't like most girls who have vaginas. What a killer line On this day. As she walked into the coffee shop, she giggled shyly as her boobs got stuck in the door Stuck baby. Her light linen shirt showed her neep-nops. As the sun shone on her skin-covered body and from across the way, he couldn't help but notice her neat nubs. She has eyes, curtis thought to himself, but not too many. While she stood in line, he covertly checked out her butt. It was a good butt Round and not covered in any sin at all. That's a good butt Round and not covered in any sin of meat.

Speaker 4 1:07:26

That's a good thing.

Speaker 3 1:07:28

His simple gaze made her mossy bank call out in a brush of liquid, not like a river, more like when you accidentally pee a little. Her vagina, alerting her to his presence, said yo, check out the fox. As she turned and their eyes met, his penis moved as she shot her sex beans into his head, through her eyes and into his head. He didn't know it yet, but this was the beginning of his greatest adventure in regional small appliance sales. She walked to his table and sat down. No, come on, say it, dina. You have to say it, dina. She walked to his table and sat down no.

Speaker 4 1:08:07

Come on, say it, dina. You have to say it, dina. Come on, dina.

Speaker 3 1:08:16

Her vagina belched. Her vagina belched. He found her giggle intoxicating, as she lowered her eyes and said excuse me, his penis sang a little song in reply to her vaginal call what did jess write this?

Speaker 2 1:08:46

no, this was sir martin lewis anus, anus.

Speaker 4 1:08:50

He got the black taint award the james taint black memorial prize holy hell okay, wait, okay, wait I need more context, is she?

Speaker 3 1:09:10

what's a neep?

Speaker 4 1:09:11

nop, let's okay I think that's nipples but also, sean, go pull up what this book's about. Can you go find a?

Speaker 2 1:09:18

hold on a second. Why is he suddenly in regional small appliance sales?

Speaker 4 1:09:24

no, he is, he is, this is his journey and she entered the zone.

Speaker 2 1:09:31

Oh my god, I can't type. The zone of interest was there a movie for this.

Speaker 4 1:09:39

There can't possibly be a movie for this.

Speaker 2 1:09:41

The Zone of Interest by Martin Anis.

Speaker 3 1:09:47

No, we're watching it. No wait, that sounds like a porno. We're not watching that.

Speaker 2 1:09:53

Dean has three times before Hold on, here we go. The Zone of Interest by Martin Anis, now a major motion picture, npr best book of the year from one of the most virtuosic authors in the English language. A powerful novel, written with urgency and moral force, that explores life and love among the Nazi bureaucrats at Auschwitz.

Speaker 4 1:10:17

Okay, this can't be real. No, I've been bamboozled. There is no way that this is the book I'm reading. The fucking thing on Amazon. What I'm saying is I found this on Reddit Men writing women and I think I got bamboozled. I don't think that this excerpt is from this book.

Speaker 3 1:10:31

There's no way. It has to be. There's no way, I think I got bamboozled. This guy running a word for neep nops. What's that, brr? Brr Prr wanting a word for neep nops? Why did her vagina fart?

Speaker 4 1:10:53

She just sat down. No, I think I got bamboozled by Reddit.

Speaker 2 1:10:57

I believe it's called a queef, a queef.

Speaker 3 1:11:00

Nothing was going inside of it.

Speaker 1 1:11:03

She just sat down.

Speaker 3 1:11:04

Your vagina doesn't queef, if you're just sitting.

Speaker 2 1:11:08

You don't know that. Does it Dude? It's copy pasta.

Speaker 3 1:11:11

Oh.

Speaker 4 1:11:14

I got bamboozled.

Speaker 3 1:11:16

It's so hilarious.

Speaker 4 1:11:18

As soon as you sold me the Holocaust. That's a fucking Reddit joke.

Speaker 3 1:11:23

Yeah, Holocaust doesn't talk about centipedes on butts.

Speaker 4 1:11:26

Yeah, I'm a regional small appliance salesmen.

Speaker 3 1:11:29

Oh yeah, that too this in the wild. That's what really gave it away for me.

Speaker 1 1:11:33

Yeah.

Speaker 3 1:11:34

Yeah, still pretty good.

Speaker 2 1:11:36

It doesn't even say when did you get the reference to this book, because even in the original post on men writing women.

Speaker 4 1:11:44

I went pretty deep. Yeah, no, I had to go pretty deep to find a comment. And then OP commented on it and was like, oh, thank you, I didn't know where I found this. Listen, I should have had more due diligence. I got fooled by believing everything on the internet is true. Guys, neap naps.

Speaker 3 1:11:58

I'm gonna call them that from now on.

Speaker 4 1:12:00

I'm sorry, martin Anis, hold on a second hold on a fucking second.

Speaker 3 1:12:07

We're going to get, oh my.

Speaker 4 1:12:10

God. Winner of the Black Taint Award Martin Anis.

Speaker 2 1:12:13

The James Tate Black Memorial Prize. Same thing, sir Martin Louis Amos. We're sorry. We're so sorry For attributing this absolute dog shit to you. I'm not sorry.

Speaker 3 1:12:25

I're so sorry For attributing this absolute dog shit to you. I'm not sorry, I didn't do it, I didn't want to read it.

Speaker 2 1:12:30

Dina you read it you mouth queefed, thinking this was the work of Sir Martin Lewis Amos. Sir Martin Louis Amos, celebrated English author of apparently this profound book about Auschwitz. And now I feel horrible, I don't.

Speaker 1 1:12:59

I just want to read this episode.

Speaker 4 1:13:01

You guys.

Speaker 2 1:13:02

I don't know why. I expected Daniel to do his due diligence and proper research. Sir Martin Lewis Amos, I apologize on behalf of Daniel. I know that you're listening to this, I know that you're a fan, so just know that he's dead, just know, sir Martin Lewis Amos.

Speaker 3 1:13:24

To the estate of Sir Martin Lewis.

Speaker 2 1:13:26

Amos To the estate of Sir Martin Lewis Amos. Please don't sue us. That excerpt was not by Sir Martin Lewis Amos.

Speaker 4 1:13:39

He definitely didn't win the Black Taint Award.

Speaker 2 1:13:40

I'm sorry guys. James Tate Black Memorial Prize winner, Sir Martin Lewis Amos.

Speaker 3 1:13:46

So white people, am I right?

Speaker 2 1:13:56

All right, can we send this bitch home? Come on now.

Speaker 4 1:14:00

Guys if you've talked about the Black Taint Award. Please leave us a voicemail 347-69-WEIRD, that's 347 699 I had a whole mind map. I'm sorry so long before we go further.

Speaker 3 1:14:15

I need to know dina's mind man I don't think you guys even heard me when I said I mowed the lawn today, did you?

Speaker 4 1:14:27

Is that a euphemism?

Speaker 2 1:14:28

No, Is that the racer incident?

Speaker 3 1:14:35

So I was sitting here trying to figure out what a mouth queef would sound like and then I hit my leg and I was like, wow, there's a red mark on my leg from where I just hit my leg. And then I looked at my arm and I was like, oh look, I'm all freckly. And I was like, how did I get freckly? And I mowed the yard today, so, and then it just came out and I just want to tell you guys that I did that I mowed the yard, I mowed it that's all.

Speaker 4 1:15:07

So so dina okay I. I still need to know my original question, because you got very upset once you found out that this movie might be porn um, even though obviously it's not um obviously this is horrifying.

Speaker 4 1:15:24

This is the worst thing I've ever said. Um but, dina, when you come across a sex scene in a movie, do you just like fast forward it like, or do you cover your eyes? It's like graphic sex scene like like a rated r movie. I'm not talking like a porno, like I'm talking like, uh, you know, eyes wide shut, or something I don't know what that is.

Speaker 2 1:15:46

That came out when she was two years old.

Speaker 3 1:15:47

You dumb fuck I mean, if it's like super graphic, I'll probably skip it how many pumps are you okay with? So, okay, how many?

Speaker 4 1:15:57

has to happen okay so it's implied okay, so if you see a boob do you fast forward it? Or is it boob? Okay, but you just don't want to see anything below the waist with boobs.

Speaker 3 1:16:10

I'm kind of like right there on, like the fast forward yeah, like you're hovering, you're hovering over there. I really don't want to see it and like if there's more, I'm going to skip it probably but what if it's really important to the plot? It never is, like it never is.

Speaker 4 1:16:30

Like it never is.

Speaker 3 1:16:32

We're going to find the most meaningful sex scene in cinema. Hollywood is gross and disgusting.

Speaker 4 1:16:34

Next week on Don't Make it Weird we'll be discussing the most important sex scenes in cinematic history. Yeah, fine, it's fine. Dina, where can the folks find you on social media?

Speaker 2 1:16:47

daniel, I just have to tell you I've done several searches with the art author, martin amos's name, and the passage that you sent for me to give to you to read. There's literally no reference that connects the two.

Speaker 4 1:17:01

It's on the reddit post. It's on what it's? No, dude, I okay, I'll show you, hold on you can find me on twitter at dinosaurus in hindsight I really feel like it was a sarcastic comment that got me and I can find daniel at dan q writes thing.

Speaker 2 1:17:22

That's dan Q writes thing on. Twitter slash Xcom. Dank Dank writes thing. Yeah, also, his website dumps for dankcom Still up and running. Very true.

Speaker 4 1:17:37

Still there.

Speaker 3 1:17:37

Dinocorns.

Speaker 2 1:17:42

Dinocorn Dina Dakota. You can find me on social media at Shea Soldu. Also follow us at DMIW Podcast. What?

Speaker 3 1:17:51

are you having for dinner, sean?

Speaker 2 1:17:52

Once a month or two.

Speaker 4 1:17:54

Yeah, sean what are you having for dinner? I got some Wait, wait, wait.

Speaker 2 1:17:59

I think pizza from.

Speaker 1 1:18:01

Golden Boy Pizza, not a sponsor.

Speaker 2 1:18:04

Garlic clam pizza is their specialty. We also got some chiavaron, you know yeah.

Speaker 4 1:18:11

Sean, can you censor it out when you were eating the pizza earlier in the episode, just so that we don't spoil it to the audience.

Speaker 3 1:18:17

Pizza's a euphemism for children. No, no, no, what she's doing? A Pizzagate reference.

Speaker 2 1:18:25

She's still deep in conspiracy. What pizza is a euphemism for children? They eat children that's how Oprah stays looking young. No, I thought what.

Speaker 1 1:18:40

No, I thought that she was talking about pedophiles also.

Speaker 2 1:18:46

I thought that you ordered children through. What was that furniture that?

Speaker 1 1:18:50

eat children? I thought that you ordered children through.

Speaker 2 1:18:53

what was that furniture? Wayfarer? Oh yeah, wayfarer.

Speaker 3 1:18:55

I don't think the pizza thing is. All celebrities talk about pizza because they eat children.

Speaker 2 1:19:01

So like whenever you what was it? Good guys eat pizza, whenever you guys go eat in Florida, like is that a euphemism?

Speaker 4 1:19:12

Nice guys pizza and that's a wrap.

Speaker 2 1:19:20

Now, they'll never sponsor us.

Speaker 3 1:19:23

I know.

Speaker 4 1:19:26

I just hope we don't get sued by.

Speaker 2 1:19:29

Anus' estate.

Speaker 4 1:19:29

It's a good thing.

Speaker 2 1:19:30

No one will ever say this.

Speaker 4 1:19:33

And on that note, we love you all jazz hands.

Speaker 2 1:19:43

Don't make it weird with Daniel Quigley, venusaurus and Sean Holden, produced and edited by me. Sean Holden Theme song by Amaria Incidental music and sound effects provided by Voice Mod, as well as the YouTube Audio Library. You can rate and review this show on Spotify, apple Podcasts, good Pods and wherever else you download your podcasts. Got a question for Daniel or Dina? Call the Don't Make it Weird hotline at 347-69-WEIRD. That's 347-699-3473. And leave us a message. It could be featured on a future episode and if you haven't already, please subscribe to Don't Make it Weird on YouTube for the video presentation or on your favorite podcast app for the audio only version of the show. Thank you so much and we love you.

Speaker 3 1:20:35

Is that okay?