Don't Make It Weird
Two amateur authors and amateur humans—Daniel and Dina—discuss all things writing and books, and re-tell chaotic life adventures from cults to exes that think they’re horses. We’ve got you covered in this comedic and sarcastic, life-centered podcast. Follow us as we fail to not make it weird.
Don't Make It Weird
The One With The Optimal Orgy Etiquette
Ever wondered about the bizarre connection between nipples and teeth? Or how neglecting your virtual Neopets might just make you a quadrillionaire? Get ready for a rollercoaster of fun as Season 3 of the Don't Make it Weird Podcast kicks off with Daniel and Dina's wild banter. Dina's amusing fact-sharing and her carefree bottle-of-margarita antics set the stage for a series of hilarious and heartfelt revelations, including a milestone in her personal life.
Dina takes us on an emotional yet humorous journey as she talks about pausing her Discerners Trilogy to pen a memoir about her cult experiences. Meanwhile, Daniel vents his frustrations over the editorial challenges of his Cryptic Protection Agency series, while Sean brims with excitement over redesigning the podcast's logo. The episode is chock-full of unexpected turns, from Dina's online escapades to her plot to become a Neopets tycoon. And don't miss our lively Truth or Drink game, where wedding mishaps, personal confessions, and even interspecies relationship musings come to light.
Switching gears, we dive into the intriguing world of genre jumping in writing, celebrating the successes and pitfalls of authors who venture beyond their comfort zones. With examples ranging from Joe Abercrombie's genre-blending masterpieces to J.K. Rowling's less-than-stellar genre shifts, we explore the necessity of respecting the beats and nuances of new genres. Personal anecdotes about arranged marriage expectations and humorous interspecies relationship scenarios keep the laughs coming, while providing food for thought on the complexities of writing and relationships. Don't miss this laughter-filled, thought-provoking episode that promises to entertain and surprise in equal measure!
Daniel's website: https://dumps4danq.com
Dina's website: https://dinasaurusd.com
You can find the video presentation of this show on our YouTube channel, and the audio only version on any of your favorite podcast apps!
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Don't Make It Weird Podcast on Twitter: http://twitter.com/dmiwpodcast
Daniel on Twitter: http://twitter.com/danqwritesthing
Dina on Twitter: http://twitter.com/dinasaurusd
Producer Sean on Twitter: http://twitter.com/shaceholdu
Music Credit:
Swing Rabbit ! Swing ! by Amarià https://soundcloud.com/amariamusique
Creative Commons — Attribution 3.0 Unported — CC BY 3.0
Free Download / Stream: https://bit.ly/al-swing-rabbit-swing
Music promoted by Audio Library https://youtu.be/lt7fn1NVxQM
Credits song written and performed by ...
Hi guys, I'm back from my car, definitely went to my car. I have my phone, so everything's good, guys, I hate you. I missed you so much. Same, let's fucking do this. Sean, hit my music. It's the Don't.
Speaker 3:Make it Weird. Podcast With your hosts Daniel and Dinosaurus. Oh, hello there, guys. Guys, did you know?
Speaker 1:Did you know something? This is Season 3, bitches, and we are back on the Don't Make it Weird Podcast where you're comedy, storytelling, writing podcasts for the writing community by the writing community and guys. I'm joined by someone very special, someone very near and dear to my heart. I am joined, as always, by the electric eager eagle of edible energy herself, dina Soros.
Speaker 2:Did you know that your nipples are older than your teeth?
Speaker 1:Go on.
Speaker 2:Nipples are created in gestation Before your teeth are, so they're older.
Speaker 1:I would just like to say that I like and respect all nipples equally and I am pleased by this information that everyone has nipples and they're all fantastic, isn't that right, dina? Uh-huh, uh-huh D Uh-huh, dina, are you about to just drink a margarita?
Speaker 3:straight from the bottle.
Speaker 2:Do some people not have nipples?
Speaker 4:No, okay.
Speaker 1:Shout out.
Speaker 2:Amelia Rose. By the way, this is the Costco margarita that I was talking about.
Speaker 1:I got the other day. Drink that straight from the bottle.
Speaker 3:No, I need you to drink this. Don't pour it. No, don't pour it, just fucking drink, are you?
Speaker 2:not pouring that over ice I forgot to get ice, so oh my god.
Speaker 3:So temperature margarita? No, it's cold.
Speaker 1:I just got it out of the fridge it's not cold enough unless there's ice in there.
Speaker 3:Dina, I know it's florida so you know it was warm as soon as it left the bottle it was a little sweaty.
Speaker 1:So for the audience.
Speaker 2:Sweaty balls.
Speaker 1:Sweaty balls. For the audio-only audience, dina is currently fully nude, holding margarita cans over her bits and drinking straight from a bottle. So just you know, I wanted to paint this picture for you guys.
Speaker 2:Hey guys, guys, guys, guys, guys. Can we cheers for a second?
Speaker 3:there's there's cans and bottles I have news yeah oh, is it about your hair.
Speaker 2:Looking on point no, my hair was looking on point yesterday when you canceled our recording and today it got rained on, so that's fair all right, tell us the news, dina.
Speaker 1:What do we got?
Speaker 2:I am officiallyaning so I don't have to pump, so we can.
Speaker 1:This is what we celebrate as adults Shout out. And guys, if you've been hearing a third member of our team, another voice, a handsome sultry voice it's because we have the only adult in the room. Handsome sultry voice, it's because we have the only adult in the room, and normally I like to make up my own songs about sean, but I found a song that just perfectly encapsulates our feelings for each other. Um, so I still hear his voice when he sleeps next to me. I still feel his touch in my dreams. Forgive me my weakness, but I don't know why. Without sean, it's hard to survive, because every time we touch it, this feeling, every time we kiss, I swear I could fly. Can't you feel my heartbeat faster? I want this to last. I need you by my side. Producer, sean, everyone, you're muted bud yet. Yet no one knows this beautiful reaction. He's overcome with emotion. He, he can't respond right now.
Speaker 1:He feels what I feel I feel very comfortable yeah, yeah, no, I'm good oh, okay, good daniel's wife after sex.
Speaker 4:Three words, that was a good one, right Shit.
Speaker 1:Fuck, can't come back from that one, sean, you're looking good, you're looking handsome today. Man, just on point, I want you to know that you also just look good, he's talking to the eggs everybody.
Speaker 3:How are you, Dina? He doesn't want them so bad. Doing really well. It's nice to see you.
Speaker 2:Hey, do you? Oh, my God, god, you do you smile with a frown? You smile with a frown.
Speaker 1:I can't do it hold on, let me, let me try this.
Speaker 3:No, yeah really gonna smile with a frown have you ever heard of that?
Speaker 1:that's the thing apparently now, yeah, think of it yeah, now sean is gonna be self-conscious about a smile for the rest of his life, so congratulations, dina, you've just created a new tick for sean no, it looks good your upset face looks so nice your smile is a frown, it looks great yeah, who's the sick one in this, in this scenario is it. Is it dina or sean? Because dina's into the frown sweet jesus.
Speaker 3:Okay, you guys, before we go any further, yeah, I would just like to remind everybody that we um honor some drinking rules around here. First and foremost, we are observing buffalo rules, which means we drink with our offhand. We are all right-handed, which means we all drink with our left hand If you catch us drinking with our right hand let us know in the comments below or tweet us at DMIW podcast on Xcom.
Speaker 1:No, fuck that. We're not calling to X Sean, we're not selling out.
Speaker 2:You can catch me on threads.
Speaker 3:Also, there are certain buzzwords and phrases. If it's heard, you'll hear this buzzer.
Speaker 1:That means someone said one of those things and it's time to drink and guys listen, this episode is going to be so much fun, man, us getting back into it and, uh, you know we're going to be discussing writing outside your genre. We're going to be getting super truthful with a little truth or dab here. And, dina, I believe you've got another story for us that we'll get to in just a moment. But before we do, guys turn on the hot water. It's time to hop in the shower with Dank. Can you play some shower music for me? Thanks, buddy. Can you play some shower music for me? Thanks, buddy.
Speaker 2:So Dina don't address me when you're in the shower.
Speaker 4:No, dina, dina, we're trying to be very serious and mature right now.
Speaker 1:Dina, dina, we're trying to be very serious, very mature, would you say. You've been in a fair number of orgies in your life all the time.
Speaker 2:Had one last night what's a fair number?
Speaker 1:uh zero more than more than three, less than 10 have you? No, but sean is our orgy expert. Sean, would you also say that you're very well familiar with the orgy?
Speaker 2:edgy, your hair looks nice today. That's what I'm trying to say. So much, thank you so much anyway.
Speaker 3:Do you want to move on to dina's tiktok?
Speaker 2:conspiracy. I have a question already. Oh my god, this is a good one.
Speaker 3:Dina dina, daniel, you know that you're the only one who has had group sex, and by that I mean you sat in the corner jerking off while everyone else did everything uh, it still counts um this is just a frown, it's not a smile smiling frowns.
Speaker 1:We got our episode today, guys. Um, but what do you guys think happens after the orgy ends, like? What kind of conversation do you have with people like, like, because there's like an etiquette to leaving, like any? Social gathering or party, yeah, but, but that's what I'm saying. But like, do you go say bye to everyone? Do you say like hey, I'll see you next time? Like what's the orgy etiquette?
Speaker 2:you have to like check in to make sure that everybody's finished this is the important question.
Speaker 3:Someone goes around with a clipboard, yeah someone goes around with a clipboard and takes checks off everyone's name it's like, satisfied with your experience so, like, everyone who did a here at the beginning of the experience has a chance at the end to say whether or not they were done doing the deed. Also, there has to be that awkward thing where everyone's like has anyone seen my underwear? And everyone's like, walking around in circles, who knows where your clothes are? Yeah, um, also, there's got to be like weird small talk while, like, someone's partner is waiting for someone else to find their clothes. So they're like, so, uh, how about them celtics? Huh, that game last night. That was wild man yeah pretty wild.
Speaker 1:Like then they're just standing there naked and like are you the rude one if you're the first person to leave the orgy? Like, like, like. What's the time frame here? I?
Speaker 3:feel like you. You gotta kind of do you get a?
Speaker 2:snack after I'm out. Yeah, there has to be a good spread like what's the point of an out? Do you get a snack?
Speaker 1:after. You got to keep the electrolytes up. I'm out. Yeah, there has to be a good spread Like what's the point of an orgy if you don't yeah. Or I'm out. That's Sean's deal breaker. It's none of the rest of it it's. Is there snacks? Also a good question. Do you bring snacks to an orgy? What is an appropriate orgy snack?
Speaker 2:you definitely do, because in the magicians and that orgy scene, everybody they had good food so, okay, there's like a craft services table, but it's off to the side, no one wants to go to the bed.
Speaker 3:Don't eat goldfish crackers during, unless you're gonna go off to the snack table on the side like is it just like one giant like pineapple spread?
Speaker 1:like is it just like hey, listen guys, we're not saying you need to you gotta have some like caprese um skewers.
Speaker 2:Right, that's fancy.
Speaker 3:Yeah, everything's on the skewer no one wants anyone to actually touch the food like yeah, yeah, it needs to be like, yeah, this needs to be hands-free, like non-messy no tuna oh, no tuna, oh no tuna.
Speaker 1:No, you do not bring tuna to an orgy no quiche will have I don't like the idea of crummy foods in that situation I could just imagine it's like uh yeah, this is my wife, like she brought the quiche today cheese and and cured meats and fresh fruit.
Speaker 2:Grapes, for sure. Grapes, yeah, and strawberries.
Speaker 4:Do you have a?
Speaker 3:fondue fountain.
Speaker 4:You see, I feel like injuries could happen.
Speaker 2:People get too excited. Try to incorporate hot chocolate or chocolate into the situation.
Speaker 1:Yes, you're there for pleasure, not pain. Dina, what kind of weird orgy.
Speaker 2:Do you want to make People do crazy stuff with chocolate and cheese, bro Flip, that that's true, that's for TikTok.
Speaker 1:So, guys, I need you guys to dim the lights. Leave your disbelief at the door. Play some spooky mood music, because it is time for dina's tiktok conspiracy corner. It got lost our budget for season three, so we don't have sound effects anymore we've got full immersion.
Speaker 3:This is great um.
Speaker 2:So google maps is in cahoots with the government and all of the big petrol companies and they, you know when, like you select, like a fat, the fastest route or the most fuel efficient route. Sometimes, if you have you ever noticed that, like, if you go your own way instead of following the gps, you get there faster than the gps said, even on the fastest route.
Speaker 2:So the theory, is that google maps is adding time to your route and making you go up some like a direction that will take just a little bit longer, not enough to notice, but just enough so that you're using more gas, so that you're spending more money on fuel oh shit, that could actually be.
Speaker 3:First of all can I just say how thankful I am that you can I just say how thankful I am that you didn't say google maps is not real. I thought we're for sure this is gonna be google maps and then you paused and I was like, oh god, she's gonna say it. And then you said what you said and I'm so thankful. Second of all yes, every single day I go off route.
Speaker 3:First, of all I use google maps every single time I go anywhere and people think it's because I rely on gps, and that's not true. It's because I want an eta and I want to see traffic estimates. It's not because I need the directions, so I often go off the directions that Google wants me to take. And taking my daughter to school, I take an alternate route that's longer technically, mileage wise, but it takes less time because there's less traffic on that route. And every time it says less time on the ETA to get there, even though it told me I was on the fastest route before wow, all right, so this is okay.
Speaker 1:So so does this extend to like apple maps ways, like is this a a full-on? Like?
Speaker 3:definitely apple maps um there's questions about google, so I didn't know that.
Speaker 2:So then, yeah, it would include ways with the way.
Speaker 1:Wait okay. First of all, I didn't know that I believe you, but I didn't know that I believe you, but I didn't know that. So Google Maps competes against itself with Waze.
Speaker 2:A lot of companies can analyze their own products.
Speaker 3:They buy their competition, so they're not technically competing. Whoever does better wins in the end anyway. The only difference is, I think, that there's more options and ways to report stuff on the road yes and stuff like that. So I think what they do is take the data from ways and put it into google maps so like they have location data. They have accidents, construction, speed traps, all that stuff reported to google maps by community gathered data from Waze.
Speaker 1:Okay, so we're saying that every GPS is under Big Oil's thumb. Is that a fair? You know what I know? We don't know.
Speaker 2:I believe this one.
Speaker 1:But this one makes a lot of sense. You know what? I'm going to put on the tinfoil hat. I think this one's a real one, Sean. What about you, buddy? Yeah, I'm in. I'm going to put on the tinfoil hat. I think this one's a real one, Sean. What?
Speaker 3:about you, buddy? Yeah, I'm in, I'm fully in. The evidence speaks for itself. So there we go.
Speaker 1:We are either fully embracing conspiracies here on Don't Make it Weird or we've stumbled on to a real truth.
Speaker 2:Next time Flat Earth.
Speaker 1:That's another very factual one. So, yes, I'm with you on on flat earth. I'm very excited about that. Um so, dina, now that we've given a great truth to the audience, I think that it is important that we get onto a segment that we in no way stole from anyone else, a completely original segment. Don't look up the we have issues podcast, don't you know? Check out Anthony and Stevie and their amazing art and comic books and deathless and, uh, all their incredible work that they do. Don't do that. Okay, just trust us. Just trust us, because it's time for the accountability segment, where we hold ourselves accountable for all the amazing progress we're making in our writing. Dina, where have you been at? What have you been up to?
Speaker 2:Honestly, I gave up on my discerners trilogy. I have not been writing book three at all. Don't care about it. Maybe I'll come back to it, maybe I won't, I don't know.
Speaker 3:Book two is coming out soon, you guys should totally preorder the book in the series that she doesn't care about. You should totally do that. There's no promise in book three.
Speaker 2:If you guys preorder it, then maybe I'll write book three. Right now I kind of feel like nobody really cares, so I'm like I'm not going to really invest a lot of time because Disagree Shut the fuck up, daniel, because I actually started writing a memoir on which sounds so pretentious about my time in the cult and it's actually. It is super pretentious and it's actually been super, super fun and I'm like actually super excited about writing right now.
Speaker 1:I'm like 30k that's incredible and first of all, I mean that's the part of the writing journey, man. You write what you enjoy, like. No one says that you have to, I mean, unless you're under a, you know, six-figure contract from a big publisher um, that you have to just stick to one project at a time. I mean a lot of famous authors, man, they they're working on multiple books and you know, I think it's kind of you find that wave that's interesting to you and god knows that you've had if you've been following. Don't make it weird. I think we can agree that dean has had an exciting life, is that?
Speaker 2:she's been reliving her traumas through this memoir honestly, I thought that I was over a lot of it.
Speaker 1:I'm not so that's been fun you think, to really just relive the anguish?
Speaker 2:no, but I've been doing a lot of random stalking, like online stalking that's trying to find where people are honey see what they're up to get the where I know you know what I actually want to.
Speaker 1:I think we can before we get to that. I think that that's a good follow, because I would love to know a little bit more in a future episode. You know, maybe like a little teaser for your memoir about where some of the characters of your life are have ended up. So I think that's John. Can you just go ahead and save that?
Speaker 2:bunch of people have cancer. Honestly fuck Tina Jesus.
Speaker 1:Don't you just go ahead and save that bunch of people have cancer. Honestly, fuck Jesus. Thank you. Thank you for that. Um, yeah, okay, I don't know how to segue on that one, but uh, so as far as my writing, uh, I've got my first dev edit notes back, uh, for my second book in the cryptic protection agency, and now I actually just need to follow the advice of my editor and actually do things that are writing related. I'm not sure I remember how, though. Oh, I thought you just hit accept all.
Speaker 3:I thought you just.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but see, she's learned, she's learned. So she doesn't give me suggestions, she just asks questions. So now I actually have to answer it. What a clever bitch. I know it's bullshit, man. She'll be like hey, so Do you think that that's the best way you want your character to react to this situation? I'll be like Fucking hell Ashley fuck, I know, I know she got around my except all and it's it's ridiculous that I actually have to like yeah, dumb, fine, makes me a better writer and she's an incredible editor, and I will finish this book kicking and screaming one way or another, sean.
Speaker 1:What about you, bud? What you been up to as those incredible devil bags?
Speaker 3:Let's see.
Speaker 4:Nothing.
Speaker 3:Nothing at all. Actually, I redesigned our logo, hey that's right.
Speaker 1:Season three we got a new logo yeah, so I'm pretty pumped about that also I am producing episode 200 of.
Speaker 3:We have issues live pretty soon. I don't know if this will air before that, probably not. But yeah, I'm doing a little prep for that.
Speaker 1:But very exciting.
Speaker 2:Those guys are I wonder what it's like to have a show that like consistently records. That's so cool. Yeah, that's going to be such, such an exciting thing.
Speaker 1:But hey, at least Levi's motivated me to record again, because that's the only way I'm going to get someone to read my book. So you know I'm OK and open to bribes. Um, you know what are you just eating straight with your finger there, bud taheen taheen like on this. On the side, though, she's like but you still want the, you still want the experience.
Speaker 2:You know what I love it tahina's the best margarita rim or rimmer. Yeah, so for our audio only listeners dina actually won the best rimmer award.
Speaker 3:That's why she gets invited to all the orgies and dina knows about rumors y'all um. What were we talking about?
Speaker 1:nothing now, man, I'm distracted. I'm distracted, but you know what? We also need a couple more follow-ups here, dina, because you've really let us down. Number one the folks want to know what's going on with your Neopets.
Speaker 2:Oh yeah, she's dying because all that I do is log in and collect my Trudy surprise and my bank interest for the day, because I want to be like a quadrillionaire. So I'm just collecting a bunch of cash and I haven't better at all.
Speaker 4:I don't want to go buy food.
Speaker 1:How long can your Neopets survive on you just killing it slowly like this?
Speaker 2:My approximation based on when the last time I logged in before this was 10 years. Do they actually die, though, or is it like a Tamagotchi, where they're?
Speaker 3:always on the brink of death, but they'll never actually die.
Speaker 2:I think it's that. I think that it's just like dying and they look like and they're crying and like in a puddle of waste.
Speaker 3:But but if they don't actually die, there's no stakes. So who cares?
Speaker 2:so yeah, I just want my money.
Speaker 1:So just to just so I can get this straight your immortal pet that cannot die is living in a constant state of starvation and in its own filth. That it can't okay, is that? Is that accurate? Yeah, also, you can make money off of the neopet.
Speaker 2:I mean, no, like I go in and I like they have like a yeah, you have to collect your bank interest manually, otherwise you don't get it, otherwise I would be a trillionaire by now. Um, and then I go into this thing called Trudy Surprise. It's like a jackpot, like a slot machine kind of, and, um, I just collect the money off of that. You can play it once a day and you get like $18,000 usually. So I just God bless capitalism.
Speaker 1:I see no problem with this. I think this is perfect. Love it perfect. And then also uh, dina, one more time, since I know you're very, very excited about it. Uh, pre-orders are out now for something special to to something too special. Um, when's it coming out?
Speaker 2:September 19th, 2024. I get to actually celebrate my book this time, instead of being pregnant and stupid.
Speaker 3:She means get drunk everybody.
Speaker 2:Do you get me drunk.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Very clear. I think I'm going to get a cake with my book cover on it. I love it. I think that's a good idea.
Speaker 4:I have cookies with my book cover and I support this, so you know what I'm all in.
Speaker 1:John, can you say uh for me. Uh, dina, now that we already know that you're an orgy expert, would you say that you're a tease?
Speaker 2:I got the pickle.
Speaker 1:Shout out, shannon shout out, shout out, sing pickle be praised. Um, do you know, why don't you tell the folks a little bit about, uh, you know, give them a little something, a little uh, a little tickle, a little taste of the fine uh spread, of the uh proverbial orgy, and uh tell them about what our story time is, this uh, this week today's story time is gonna be about my second arranged marriage.
Speaker 2:I actually have to look it up because I don't remember which dude I the fact that you've had more than one arranged marriage.
Speaker 1:It just speaks a lot. Did they offer? You know I'm not asking questions right now this is what the people chose okay there were some spicy options.
Speaker 3:There was even a story that mentioned a horse and that would have fucked us.
Speaker 4:Yeah.
Speaker 2:I would have.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that would have sucked, Um, but thankfully we've got another segment while we wait. That I'm sure won't fuck us at all, um oh man, I shouldn't have started drinking yet. Sean, I hear. Is there a sound? Is there a sound in the distance?
Speaker 3:Is there a?
Speaker 2:sound in the distance. Is that the sound of galloping horses?
Speaker 3:Oh, I see what you're doing Okay.
Speaker 2:Oh, voicemail, voicemail.
Speaker 4:Voicemail.
Speaker 2:Sean, do we have mail? Could you show a little more enthusiasm, dina? Jesus, everybody missed my horse thing, so that's two drinks, okay, here's, okay, pause. I was trying to be enthusiastic, but my son sleeps in the room on this wall, the blue wall right here. That's the room he sleeps in, and if he wakes up I'm gonna fucking kill myself, okay, uh-huh, I gotta drink twice.
Speaker 1:Gotcha, I just was trying to have my fingers up in solidarity. Thanks, yeah, I got your back. Uh so, sean, I'm so excited. What could possibly be in our voicemail today? Voicemail voicemail, voicemail, voicemail. I risked it. There it is, there it is. You took the risk.
Speaker 5:I'm proud of you hello, I believe the time vortex is making a little wibbly wobbly. Yeah, am I reaching Dina and Daniel and producer Sean.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's it.
Speaker 5:If not, I hope this message reaches you in the future or the past. I may have lost track. Perhaps it's the present. I maybe had a few too many yellow jelly babies, motherfucker, and I'm certainly spinning off like wild horses. Motherfucker, 18 cubits, yeah, I'll do it. Do it. We still have to sound it. Don't count the sounds, it all the time and space. I know that sounds rather incredulous.
Speaker 5:In whatever year this may be, I believe you're on your 389th episode, with all of those serious authors with their serious author hats and all those wonderful cilantro people. Do you have these cilantro people yet in your timeline, or have I not taken care of them with coriander? Well, if you have not, you best get off your feet and deal with that soon. I can't fix everything, but I would like to thank you, daniel, sean and Dina. Wonderful, beautiful voices, resonating People of the Don't Make it Weird podcast. That's all of us from the year, 17,643 million. I'm slowly losing the time. We continue in here where we need to tell you quickly there's a very important thing. Listen, I have to be able to get you from me here, lena, get K-9. I need, I need to tell them.
Speaker 1:I'm sure it's fine. Wait, that's not, it, that's not it, that has to be it. Oh God, sean, what happened? He didn't tell us.
Speaker 2:There's ten more reincarnations, he'll tell us eventually.
Speaker 1:Shit All right, All right guys. We feel comfortable with this we're going to be okay. I mean, listen, I'm very excited about for our 398th episode, sean.
Speaker 3:I feel like really we're really doing good there, man I mean, at this rate it'll be in like 12 years, so we have some time yeah, I mean, he never specified when the episode happened.
Speaker 1:So you know, I think that, uh, that plays. I'm with you, man, I'm just happy it happens. Yeah, same here. 100%. Sean, I want to play a game with you. Can we play a game?
Speaker 5:I want to play a game. I want to play a game.
Speaker 3:Alright, everybody, we're going to do Truth or Dab tonight. Truth or Dab.
Speaker 4:Did I just dab? Did I do it right?
Speaker 2:I don't know, I wasn't paying attention.
Speaker 3:We're going to be using I don't know, I wasn't paying attention we're going to use the cards from this Hot Ones branded game, Truth or Dab. Except it's going to be Truth or Drink. And I don't know about you guys, but I prepared some pretty wild shit to drink. I'm not just going to drink what I'm already drinking, which is Corona Extra, not a sponsor, Yep, All right. In truth or dab, each player is asked a question In turn. If they answer, it must be honest. If they refuse to answer, they must take a drink, and today I'll be starting with Dina. That one's too easy. Who's the grossest person in the room?
Speaker 2:I mean hey, fuck you.
Speaker 1:Daniel, why did you make an?
Speaker 3:assumption. I think we did. I think everyone knows Why'd you say fuck you. I didn't even say anything.
Speaker 1:It's kind of like You're an asshole, you're right, but you're still an asshole, like it's that You're not wrong, walter.
Speaker 3:You're just an asshole. Okay then, yeah, yeah, you're not wrong, walter, you're just an asshole. Okay then, yeah yeah, all right, dina. When was the last time?
Speaker 2:you were rejected, and how did it happen?
Speaker 3:Like sexually.
Speaker 2:I mean, there's a lot of ways to be rejected. Is that the way to ship the road you want to go down? Um, the time that that guy said that I wasn't hot enough to date him and how'd you react?
Speaker 3:it was an episode.
Speaker 2:I cried, I cried.
Speaker 1:I really wish we'd followed up on the blog and rejected sexually, but I can understand why you wouldn't answer that as well could you imagine if she was through all the trouble of like showering and putting new sheets out?
Speaker 4:You can't fuss.
Speaker 1:Like it really has to be Pavlovian, like anytime. Like Tim hears the shower running, he wonders why he suddenly is aroused.
Speaker 4:Listen, I like to be clean.
Speaker 3:I like to be clean, to be dirty, daniel. Yes, if you could be something other than human, what would it be?
Speaker 1:Duckville.
Speaker 3:platypus Of course you want to add some color to that answer or just leave it there, nope?
Speaker 1:Right there, because they're fucking weird animals and they're awesome and they're kind of cute, but also poisonous, and they're one of the only animals I think.
Speaker 2:Shut up? No, they're not.
Speaker 1:Yeah, they are, and they are the only mammal that lays eggs, and so I feel like that's a pretty unique animal.
Speaker 3:I think that Dina would agree that the duck-billed platypus is proof that God has a sense of humor.
Speaker 2:I mean, I think that every time I look at Daniel, it's also very true.
Speaker 1:Can you imagine Noah and Noah's Ark? He's just like all right. Giraffes, yeah. Check Elephants, check Monkeys. The fuck is this thing, man, I feel like a beaver just fucked a duck on the ark, god's just like listen this, this flood's happening we're bringing this guy along.
Speaker 3:You know what I ran out of ideas anyway, let's see what happens. It comes, let's just all right. I love it for me who here screwed you over and didn't invite you to their birthday, wedding or some other event. You know, I've been thinking about this a lot. Yeah, thinking about this a lot. Fuck yeah, thinking about this a lot.
Speaker 1:Sean was the best man at my wedding, but continue.
Speaker 3:I wasn't the best man at his wedding.
Speaker 1:You were the best man, you were co-best man, bestest minch.
Speaker 3:There you go. It's so funny because he never. He never put it that way until like 10 years later.
Speaker 1:You gave a speech. You were the only other person to give a speech.
Speaker 3:Did he tell you when he asked me to give a speech?
Speaker 1:I'm sure I gave you plenty of fair warning and didn't tell you the night before. There's no way.
Speaker 3:It was the afternoon before he said, hey, just throwing this out there, do you want to like say something at the reception Like a speech thing? And I was like sure, say something at the reception like like a speech thing. And I was like sure. And then I furiously wrote a speech, while me and another one of the groomsmen were like running around running errands for him, because he also forgot to get his wife the gift what go get it no because I did hand I hand-wrote a poem and put it in little milk glasses.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you've got the milk glasses, dummy, Fuck, you're right man. I'm super irresponsible, josh, and I went to like eight different places to find vintage-looking milk bottles so that you could fulfill that gift. And he doesn't even remember that I totally While. Josh was driving around while we were looking for these milk bottles. I'm like anxious as fuck writing this speech that I got no notice to write. Did you say no to the fucking groom if he wanted to say a speech?
Speaker 1:If it's Daniel, I'm sure this was very well planned and that this was all part of the pre-wedding checklist.
Speaker 3:By the way, I wasn't gonna say you for this card. I was gonna say dina didn't invite me to zebra's birthday and I'm really hurt this is true dina, would you like to respond?
Speaker 2:so I, I almost did, but I figured you just wouldn't come no, she said like 15 people, rsdps and didn't show up yeah, I don't say yes and then don't show up yeah, you just would have not, you just would have said no the coming it's the fucking principle, you know do you think that if you rsvp for an orgy, that like it's rude to not show up, or do you think like there's a more understanding?
Speaker 3:like you invite uncle producer sean to the fucking first birthday of your child, whether or not you think they'll show up. Just saying Would have been nice to get a save the date or something in the mail. Just saying.
Speaker 1:Maybe a picture of the baby. I think Dina needs to do the first apology of the third season. Do you want to hit the music Sean. I'm good.
Speaker 3:D the third season. Do you want to hit the music, john? I'm good, all right, wow. So, daniel, have you ever come close to failing a class? Many classes we're gonna we're gonna skip that one because this one is spicier. Okay, um read the last five items from your internet search history out loud you know what, sean, maybe I can just send it to you. No, actually, I'd really rather you just read it out loud. All right, Since we've established you have your phone on you.
Speaker 1:Yes, we do have the phone. All right, let's see Every time we touch. Lyrics by Cascadia. My soccer club has rebranded and we have the most cringy uniforms.
Speaker 3:I didn't say add context.
Speaker 1:Okay, tokyo Boat Coupon and KK Glick Looked up who KK.
Speaker 2:Glick was. That doesn't mean KK.
Speaker 3:Glick, so is. Is Tokyo Boat like a sushi restaurant you ordered takeout from? Yeah, the Jew in him is like. I gotta search for a coupon before ordering this.
Speaker 1:Sushi's expensive, bro, in this economy. You can't just be doing it without a coupon. In this economy, dude, in this economy.
Speaker 2:I don't trust discounted sushi bro.
Speaker 1:If you want sushi.
Speaker 3:Don't get discounted sushi.
Speaker 1:That's why I get gas station sushi. It's fine, Also interracial little people.
Speaker 3:Little people. Yeah, that was the fifth item. Yeah, that was number five. I'd really like for one of us to drink during this exercise.
Speaker 2:I promise not to answer the next one.
Speaker 1:Oh Dina.
Speaker 3:Hey Dina, what sexual activity do you consider totally off limits?
Speaker 2:Oh, absolutely. Well, no, I can answer that one. No, I guess I can't.
Speaker 1:Yes, she's looking. You can't do a sexual lick of tajan before taji. What that thing's called, man, I don't know. I want that one answered off air. So we're gonna you know what we're gonna we're gonna bookmark this one, dina, because I mean she's not gonna answer it she's not gonna answer. What's that? What's this scene from from the office where it's like did you do, missionary, I said nothing fancy, I don't remember Sean?
Speaker 3:um, anyway, fuck you then. I'm sure someone will answer the comments below. Uh, if you woke up tomorrow as the opposite sex, what's the first thing you'd do?
Speaker 1:well, I've answered this before last weekend I had to yeah, immediately first thing I would do.
Speaker 3:No, the charitable thing I would do okay, no, the the charitable thing to do is let your friends run a train on you is that a sex thing?
Speaker 1:oh honey meaning yeah, yeah, that means you let them all fornicate on you so unlike like an orgy or group sex where, like it's all happening at the same time, a train is one at a time, but like back to back to back, so it's kind of like choo-choo why don't you?
Speaker 3:I'm gonna do solid for my boys yeah you look out for the homies man.
Speaker 4:No, no, no.
Speaker 1:Every male's answer to that question is I would become a giant raging slut is basically the answer pretty much.
Speaker 3:Okay, let's do one more rant, because this has been pretty awful.
Speaker 1:I love it.
Speaker 3:I'm gonna have to scrap this whole fucking thing, absolutely not. Um. Oh my god, dina, when was the last time you cried and what made you cry?
Speaker 2:That's not going to be a funny answer.
Speaker 3:I can't add Mike Jones to try to make it funny. Two or three days ago, I think it was three.
Speaker 2:Do you want me to answer or no?
Speaker 1:I'm going to cry right now. Right now is the answer.
Speaker 2:No, it was like I think it was three, maybe four days ago. I went to go pump and I just cried because I didn't want to do it anymore, so I decided that I would stop pumping.
Speaker 1:Have you considered frowning as a smile?
Speaker 3:And her son hasn't eaten in days as a result.
Speaker 1:If she basically we've established that Dina treats her son like her fucking neopet is what we've just said.
Speaker 3:I'm collecting bank interest, I'm just kidding Daniel how much money do you have in your bank account right now?
Speaker 1:it's too depressing, I'm going to drink.
Speaker 2:All right. Yeah, it's been pretty rough out here.
Speaker 4:I can't think of my own question.
Speaker 2:You should ask how much is on our credit card.
Speaker 1:Ask how crippling my debt is.
Speaker 5:Because I have $30,000 in credit card debt. When they call, I tell them I can't pay it back yet. Credit card debt.
Speaker 3:Not telling you that Um, who in this room is probably better at oral sex than you, are Fucking nobody, and that Wow Threw down the gauntlet.
Speaker 1:Oh shit, oh shit, jesus, jesus, jesus threw down the gauntlet. Oh shit, oh shit, jesus. Alright, sean, but you know what? I'm gonna ask a spin on this question because I think that's a good one to end on. But yeah, fucking, now we understand um same question. But if your gender was reversed, who do you think would be the best at oral sex here?
Speaker 2:Like if I was a guy who would be the best.
Speaker 1:Yes, like so. Would you, as a guy, be better giving oral sex?
Speaker 3:to another girl. Wait, is it only genders that change, or is it also sexual preferences?
Speaker 1:I'm assuming we're all straight people.
Speaker 2:I assume we just like swapped, yes, like a direct swapped.
Speaker 1:Yes, yeah.
Speaker 2:Like a direct opposite.
Speaker 1:Yes, direct opposite Okay.
Speaker 2:So wait no, you gotta finish this.
Speaker 1:So if I was a guy, Would you be better at going down on a girl than Sean would at giving a blowjob to a man, or me giving a blowjob to a man, or me giving a blowjob to a man, since me and Sean are now both women.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't. Maybe not, dina, you're gonna have to answer what maybe not no I don't think so.
Speaker 3:Listen, I've never done it, but I feel like I'm uh I'm extremely, uh, I'm extremely passionate about you know, pleasing your oral sex so I I feel like I would be very, very good at it. I feel like I know my way around my own situation. Yeah, I can't you know, I can't blow myself or anything but not with that.
Speaker 4:I could, I would.
Speaker 3:I mean obviously, uh, and I feel like I, I would know how to do it right and I feel like I would, I like I, I would know how to do it right, and I feel like I would. I would have the, the uh, perseverance, I mean listen, do it.
Speaker 1:So I, you know what. You have already thrown down the gauntlet, sean, and said that you are the man at this. Um, our other friend, josh, who isn't here, is obviously the correct answer, but barring josh being here, um, yeah, you know what I'm gonna go with sean here. Uh, men are a lot less complicated than women, dina, so I'm with you on that front. You know, we're all like it's a pretty it's better universal.
Speaker 4:Yeah, we're universal, remote, basically, um but women are like the high tech yeah, just a little tickle just tapping on this thing, I'll set the mood Really.
Speaker 2:No, I feel like women. I just got to heat in my fucking eye. No, I feel like women, I'm sorry.
Speaker 3:It's called Taysian.
Speaker 2:Taysian Taysian.
Speaker 1:All right, you know what? I think that that's a good answer. Sean is the oral champion of don't make it weird. For both gender, undisputed. The oral champion of don't make it weird, uh, for both genders, undisputed, undisputed. Yeah, I'm with you, buddy. Well, guys, uh, that's been a very successful game segment that I think is invigorating and is very exciting to our audience uh sean, would you agree? So exciting uh, so you know what we're gonna go ahead, I'm going blind, I sorry, that's what she said.
Speaker 3:Yeah, also, ladies wear eye protection, all right.
Speaker 1:We can't control this shit. It's like a fire hose. Ladies, we're just looking out for you Also dudes like chicks and glasses.
Speaker 3:I don't know if you're aware, oh fuck.
Speaker 1:It is hot. Girls and glasses are. Don't know if you're aware. Oh fuck, it is hot. Girls and glasses are hot. It is especially if they're staring at me with disapproval, like sean right now disapproval dina don't kink.
Speaker 3:Shame me okay dina, how's your eye?
Speaker 1:I'm doing okay, bud, and she's going back in for more, despite her eye hurting her. She is, she is. Just how many times does it take for your family to learn a lesson?
Speaker 3:you were talking about this off air three feet you have to join three cults before you learn your lesson yeah.
Speaker 2:So my son fell out of the bathtub and he immediately tried to climb back out and fall back out again, busted his face open oh yeah, it's really bad today blood everywhere it looked like a scene from dexter, yep yeah, it was really.
Speaker 1:We're not pointing fingers at who was watching him.
Speaker 3:We're not pointing fingers not me, that's for damn sure if it weren't for daniel, we would have seen dina covered in blood yesterday. It would have been amazing. Yeah, it would have been like Creed when he was like it's Halloween.
Speaker 2:That is really really good timing. That's convenient. Yeah no, my family takes three times to learn lessons, and so apparently so does my son.
Speaker 1:Yep, and right now she's only on Tajan number one accident.
Speaker 2:so no, that was actually two.
Speaker 1:I spelt it all in my seat before we started recording we're at two, so uh, tune in folks to see if dina hits number three, uh, but we're gonna put on our serious author hats here for a second and, uh, we're gonna talk about a little, a little bit of what it takes to write outside your genre and if we like authors that do like you know the successful ones and unsuccessful ones, things like that, dina, what are your thoughts?
Speaker 2:yeah. So I feel like it's becoming really trendy for authors to try to get into romanticism and like they're not typically romanticist authors and they like they typically do hardcore fantasy or they write mystery like they go completely off base and like try to like jump genres because they don't have an understanding of what other genres take. And that's not to say that everybody is like you have to stick to one genre, but we all have like our specialty and our niche and I think that you have to take time to fully grasp and like read a lot of the other genre that you're trying to hop to before you're able to skillfully make that transition, like going from writing YA to, um, writing a memoir now, like nonfiction it's, it's totally different, it's so, it's it's difficult and it's like hard to try to find your voice within that genre and and I mean so, like maybe just find your voice within that genre and and I mean so like maybe just playing devil's advocate here, don't?
Speaker 1:don't you think there could be something said to a fresh perspective on the genre by someone who's kind of like an outsider on it? Um, like for example.
Speaker 1:Joe Abercrombie is is a really famous kind of grim dark fantasy author. But he says that uh, outside of what he writes, he almost like exclusively reads nonfiction. And he said that like his kind of almost go to would be a nonfiction author but he kind of takes that historical nonfiction style and brings it to a fantasy genre and so you know he's kind of unique in it because he says he doesn't want to read stuff from his competition. You know a little bit of tongue-in-cheek but you know, like what do you think would be the benefits of kind of being the outsider in a genre?
Speaker 2:well, I think that it depends on if you read that genre too. Like you still have to have an understanding of the beats and where everything lies. But I but yeah, like you're definitely not going to repeat ideas and like you're not going to be risking telling the same story in a different like with different character names and the same voice, and all that because I know I've seen a lot of indie and self-pub authors that write so many different series and when you actually read the series it's the same exact characters, the same exact voice. They just change their names and like that's really frustrating and at that point I would probably say that they should genre jump a little bit. Yeah, get some fresh eyes out here.
Speaker 1:Like and that makes a lot of sense and, like you know, a really famous uh, and even though they're even though it's kind of like a sister genre, I would say that the, the author of fourth wing, um, is a good kind of example of a genre. Hop, I mean, even though I have a lot of feelings about that book, that that can be a whole other podcast. Um, she was a romance author. That what wrote like 12 or 13 books before getting into fourth wing. Is that right?
Speaker 2:something like that.
Speaker 1:I don't remember yeah and all romance and then jumped into the fantasy elements and what actually is funny at least my perspective on it, and I'm not gonna go into it, I'm not gonna get triggered, but I would say the fantasy elements of that book are the strongest elements, that, like I would argue that the romance elements Are the weakest elements of that book. So she Absolutely Jumped into a genre and really excelled at the elements that weren't in her core. It wasn't just like oh, a smooth transition, like Would you say that's kind of accurate.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm trying to remember Another author that did something similar. Well, not similar, but like the opposite. Who's the author of the Hunger Games series?
Speaker 3:Suzanne Collins, yeah.
Speaker 2:Suzanne Collins All right, she genre hopped.
Speaker 1:Her other books have kind of flopped, like not totally flopped but have they're not as successful, and it shows that she should have stayed in dystopian, in my opinion yeah, well, I mean, like, listen, jk rawlings is a really good example of and listen, we're talking purely about writing, not all the other crap that's going on in her life, because obviously, uh, fuck 95 of her personality on twitter, um, but she wrote the casual vacancy and she even originally put it under a different pen name. Yeah, exactly, she wrote a whole book in a whole different genre and she even tried to do it under a different pen name because she was so confident of her writing ability and that she could do this, and it flopped and it only somewhat picked up when it was actually revealed. Hey, this is jk rowling, um, but I know a lot of harry potter fans did not enjoy the book, um, and so you know that there's a little bit of an ego.
Speaker 2:I think that can sometimes, uh, go into that as well, you know I think that whether you've had success in a genre or haven't had success in a genre, it that will play into it a lot like she had success and she thought that that made her the world's greatest writer, but obviously not like sometimes. This is what you should do, and sometimes you should jump and you should do like what rebecca yaros did and you should jump and you should do like what Rebecca Yara's did, and she had. She found a lot of success, but I also think that a lot of like sometimes people genres jump without having any knowledge of the genre that they're going to. They see it becoming popular. Go ahead.
Speaker 1:I don't know. I was going to say, and I and I honestly think that that's kind of really disrespectful, because you know, like we've talked about how my views have changed on romance novels, you know, just by being in this show and reading the books and stuff like that. But for me to to hop in and be like hey, listen, I think I'm a good writer and I do fantasy, I could jump in and tell a tale of two people boning, like I think that that's disrespectful to it, that if you do want a genre, hop which I'm all for people doing uh, kind of going off of what you say like you need to do your research, you need to understand it and not just try to jump in on a cash grab, you know yeah, a cash grab is key there and, like we talked about it on an earlier episode, about formula writing and growing as a writer, like I have sort like I still agree with what I said before, but I've sort of I have an understanding for it more now.
Speaker 2:Um, because there is, there are certain beats that as a writer, your brain, as a reader, your brain is expecting. So the beats of romance, like I'm focusing on romanticity, but, um, the beats of that matter, and a lot of times people you know they, they think that oh, I can write romance, I can write romanticity, it's easy, it's popular on tiktok, let me, it's a good cash grab and they don't understand that. There's beats that the readers are looking for. Whether they know it, consciously or subconsciously, they're still looking for it, they still there's. It focuses on relationship, not just sex, and people think, oh, sex sells and like they fixate on that and they don't pay attention to the feelings aspect of it. Because when you're reading romance and romanticy, you're like the sex scenes and like the romance of it all.
Speaker 1:They're focusing on feeling, not sex, and people miss that so often and they think that just they can just do like a quick cash grab, get popular in the romanticist genre and then their other books will take off or something yeah, and and like and honestly, I mean it's something that when you've beta read for me before and stuff, and, like you know, giving me feedback on some of my stuff, and it was something that I had to kind of change my mentality on because in general, like again, I'm a fantasy author.
Speaker 1:I don't really delve too much into the sexual, like sex scenes and stuff. I mean, I know fantasy does that some, but like my personal preference on my own writing style is a little bit more fade to black, where I don't like to get too graphic, I just want to go there. But, like, there's been multiple times where you've said like, hey, this is a male gaze, no one cares about how shapely this girl is, and I'm not a you know, boobying down the stairs kind of author, but like that, as a guy I'm like, yeah, man, she took her shirt off. This is fucking awesome. But for everyone else, there is a more nuance to it, where it's like, hey, listen, focus on this. Like you've said, it's focusing on the emotions, it's focusing on the other elements to it, and I think that that helped me grow a lot as a writer. So I think there's definitely something to be said about dipping your toes and being willing to kind of expand into other genres.
Speaker 2:You know, but I also think that, like, you have to understand, as a writer, your voice as well. So, so, not just like understanding the genre, but know your voice. So if you're giving us all these super poetic, high register, high fantasy words and verbiage and then you're trying to go down to like a cozy romance or even YA, it's not going to fit. You have to change your voice and you have to understand your voice enough to be malleable for your genre. So, again, reading, yeah, back to the genre, like reading your genre, but also know yourself and know your ability. So I guess I would say.
Speaker 1:If I just want to kind of sum this up and kind of wrap up a little bit of like, what we've talked about with this is that if you're going to genre hop I mean, obviously you're an artist go, do whatever you want to do, write whatever's interesting, like you're doing right now with your memoirs, you know, stick to what keeps you in your flow. But if you're going to genre hop, be respectful of the genre, do your research, do these things that make an element, and don't just think I'm great at this, I will be great at that, would you say. That's kind of a fair takeaway, yeah, I agree, and then just whatever final thoughts and shots you might have real quick.
Speaker 2:Dina, I don't really have anything else to add. Just don't be a dick and try to go for a cash grab just because you can and read in that genre. A lot of writers are like I don't read and they think like they're cool or trendy. You're not cool and trendy. You have to know what's popular in order to market yourself. You have to know what things sound like within that genre, because genres have sounds that you need to match.
Speaker 1:And I love that, so I think that that's a really good point is respect the genre. Make sure you're doing the research and don't be a fucking cash grab. People understand what's inauthentic. Like we. We get that part, so I guess maybe that's just we can tattoo that on this. So now we're going to take off our our serious writer's hat and it's time to deliver, dina. It's time to stop being a tease and give the people what they want, because you see, we're all about storytelling here, and every week we aim to share an entertaining tale.
Speaker 3:So without further ado.
Speaker 2:It's Storytime with Dinosaurus. Um, I attended a Christian school for several years. Yeah, that was my high school.
Speaker 4:Gasp.
Speaker 2:Um, yeah, I know Crazy, and I was coming from a very strict cult background. The first cult cult background, the first cult, and within the cult, within the IFB it's very common actually expected that your parents will pick your husband for you as a girl, and that was just how I was raised. That's what I knew. That was what was going to happen, even though we left the first cult into the second one. It wasn't, as they weren't as cult. Um, because they had a conglomerate, because of the school. They had a conglomeration of many different backgrounds, so like the core was still very cult, but they had a lot of other people, insiders, outsiders, like a mixture of Christians, and so it was not commonplace to have arranged marriages there. And in fact, in the school, in the high school there, like nobody came from the same background as me, but there was this guy he was. He was the cutest boy in class, was he so hot.
Speaker 2:He was so hot. Wait, wait, wait.
Speaker 3:Hold on, hold on, hold up, hold up, hold up. Was he a cutie patootie?
Speaker 2:He was a cutie patootie with a rocking butt. No, hottie patotty with a rocking butt.
Speaker 1:Oh, sorry His butt on a scale of one to ten Dina. What was his butt doing?
Speaker 2:Not into butts, I don't.
Speaker 1:I don't know what his butt looks like that's fair, so OK, so maybe could quit, couldn't quit, you don't know. Ok.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he was a lifeguard. I know that much. So I think that my parents knew that. I thought that he was cute and he was a good Christian boy, not a cult fuck boy, but like he was, he was a good. He was a good guy, he was a cool guy he's just a good, good guy. That's this guy and my parents sat me down and were like what do you think about? Give me? Give me a name. I need a name.
Speaker 4:Richard.
Speaker 2:Cornelius, my brother. We're not gonna use Richard Cornelius. What do you think about cornelius?
Speaker 3:I'm sure we've used that three or four times already.
Speaker 2:There's no way what about use this? Let's use, use this. We haven't used, use this yes, what do you think about use this um and I was like oh yeah, like you know, you're okay, you're right. You're right because girls can't have emotions or feelings about boys all right yeah, quick camp.
Speaker 1:Um well, you don't like butts, so what do you like, dina, my dad dicks lifeguard.
Speaker 2:I'm just here for the package and I, like they were like yeah, we'll, we'll keep our eye on him for you. And in cult talk that means like that's the one, like you're gonna marry this one and we're gonna find a way to make it happen. Even if this family didn't agree with arranged marriages or anything like that, we're gonna find to find a way to make it happen.
Speaker 4:You're going to get arranged, yeah.
Speaker 2:So I'm like, okay, whatever, fine, like I didn't talk to him, I didn't fawn over him, he was just cute and nice, like that was it. I didn't actually have like a true crush on him or anything.
Speaker 3:Swimmers bod.
Speaker 2:But I had this quote friend that she like had been asking about our faith and our belief in everything and I let it slip that my parents are going to pick my husband out for me. And she was like what? Like that's so weird. Oh my God, who do they have picked? Do they have somebody picked? And I was like, oh, eust, eustace, super casually, and keep in mind, I'm super cash, I'm 10 fucking years old, she's 14 or 15, I don't remember. So it's pretty fucking weird. It's it's pretty weird.
Speaker 2:She was also not a friend, um, no and yeah she, we got into so many fucking fistfights. She beat the fuck out of me, jesus. And she got mad one day when my mom failed her on her homework and she told the entire school that my parents were going to try to marry me off to Eustace. And yeah, and he was like 14 or 15.
Speaker 1:I'm sure Eustace took that well. I bet he took that super well I heard that through gossip.
Speaker 2:Yeah, he was so scared of me and because I mean, you're 14 or 15 years old and this 10 year old is like we're gonna get married, yeah, and here's oh wait, it gets better, don't worry, that rumor is going on and I'm like trying to like deny it, like no, like that's not how you guys are misunderstanding and obviously they're not. And like a few months or so later after that happened, I got his phone number because I did start to develop a crush on him and this was back in the days of signatures on cell phones and I was going to try to get his attention. So I changed my signature. When I was texting him one night just about homework, like nothing at all remotely personal, I changed my signature to DJ got us fallen the song lyric from DJ got us fallen in love again. To no control of my body, he blocked me.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he's still been blocked to this day, is that? Right listen, 10 year old dina knew what she wanted in life okay I uh, oh, my god, that's incredible. You know, I'm so proud of you. You know what. You went for it. This is why the cult didn't work for you, because you couldn't just do the meek thing.
Speaker 3:That was the second time that your parents tried to arrange a marriage for you.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the first one involved goats. I remember that because that was my first question.
Speaker 3:Yeah, there was like An exchange of Livestock.
Speaker 2:But we didn't get the whole story on that one yet. That'll be on a poll.
Speaker 1:Oh go good.
Speaker 3:Not the only thing on the poll, just like Daniel likes it.
Speaker 2:No control on my body Hashtag.
Speaker 3:No control on my body. Dina, let's give the audience a little. Choose your adventure action for a future segment of Storytime with Dinosaurus.
Speaker 2:Did I already write it down.
Speaker 4:Yeah we're already on the rundown. It's on the rundown.
Speaker 2:I cut it again All right, it's a living document, the one that involves no scrolling. Next time we can choose from the Razor Mishap, fistfight at Work or Lord of the flies all right, so sean by our normal metric, which one's the most interesting?
Speaker 3:okay, first of all, fist fight at work has to be the winner, because everyone loves a girl fight. Yeah, I mean you like it stops the world it does. If there's a girl fight happening and it's brutal. I feel like there's no way that the people don't select that. But, knowing what we know, I I feel like Lord of the flies is talking to me, because I feel like Dina got like sequestered on a desert Island for some reason, and we found the conch and was leading like a brigadeed on a desert island for some reason and suddenly found the conch and was leading like a brigade like a, like a tribe of other children.
Speaker 1:That reminds you of a story.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's called lord of the flies. It's required reading in public schools unless you're in florida. It's probably considered like sinful or something yeah, probably.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I'm with you. I think lord of the flies is the answer. Uh, razor mishap sounds too much like giant injury, which means it wasn't. And the fist fight? Uh, I mean, obviously I'm in for a girl fight at work and I want this, which means that lord of the flies definitely answer. So, people do the right thing. Pick lord of the flies, do the needful, do the needful. And, guys, I'm I'm so excited for this next segment. This is, this is what the people want. This is what's bringing it back. Hello, ladies.
Speaker 1:Every week, we celebrate some of the worst erotic literature in history, often selected by the literary review of British Literary Magazine in a segment that we call Cringy Copulation. These are real excerpts from real books intended to be taken seriously, and this week's excerpt will be read by Sean and is from Space Raptor Butt Invasion. By returning Cringy Copulation author, chuck Tingle and I'm so excited for this one, guys, because you see, chuck tingle is a student is a student, anonymous author, primarily of the niche geisha erotica. His stories mainly take the form of monster erotica, featuring romantic and sexual encounters with dinosaurs, imaginary creatures, anthropomorphized inanimate objects and even abstract concepts. In 2016, his short story, space raptor butt invasion was a finalist for the hugo awards as a result of a coordinated campaign which he disavowed and uh. In the following years uh awards, he was a finalist for the best fan writer award. So, sean buddy, can you check those, dms I don't remember Sean agreeing to this.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so listen, I'm going to give you a couple notes, because this is what I need from you on this reading. Okay, bud, oh my God, I need you to bring back the fan favorite Nicolas Cage voice while you read this.
Speaker 3:Nicolas Cage oh God, yeah, it's going to be so bad.
Speaker 4:I'm going to try, I'm going to try, yeah, yeah give it's gonna be so bad.
Speaker 3:I'm gonna try.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna try. Yeah, yeah, give yourself a couple Nick Cage. What's the?
Speaker 3:whistle. You ever think About what it would be like To fuck a human, I ask. My heart is now Thumping ferociously In my chest but I try to remain calm. And even killed, yeah, I mean, who hasn't? Orion offers the thing is, I'm a pretty big dinosaur and human women are just too delicate. That's T-O, with just T-O, not T-O. I would probably crush one if I tried. I let his words linger in the air for a moment, not sure if I could say what I so desperately want to, but it's now or never, I think to myself taking a deep breath. What about a human man, I question. I can see the raptor's expression suddenly change as understanding washes over him. Yeah, I think I might be into that. Actually, orion tells me. I mean, it's not gay if it's a dude raptor and a dude human. Right, I ask, totally not gay, says the dinosaur. The raptor would have to be in control, though dominating even. Yeah, I sigh my cock rock hard in my pants that's just part one.
Speaker 1:We got a part two though. Yeah, there's a part two, it's a little shorter are the dinosaurs wearing?
Speaker 2:that's long enough that's.
Speaker 3:That's a very long, that's a very very long.
Speaker 1:That's what she said. We gotta give the people what they want.
Speaker 3:Sean, we need a little bit more. You're not a representation of the people. You don't. The people need what the people, what they want. Sean.
Speaker 1:We need a little bit more. You're not a representation of the people. You don't get to just decide what the people want. The people need part two.
Speaker 2:This was just a tweet. The people have openly told you they don't like your ideas.
Speaker 1:Name one idea that people don't like, Dina. That's too hard, there's too many stay tuned next week for part two of sean reading this hugo award finalist I don't recall agreeing to that either.
Speaker 2:I feel comfortable we have to schedule an episode for there to be a part two, so we'll just never schedule an episode again this is the end of.
Speaker 1:Don't make it weird. So, sean, would you agree that it isn't gay as long as it's interspecies?
Speaker 3:first of all, I couldn't hear myself at all. Did I sound like nicholas?
Speaker 1:oh god, you were spot on. Yeah, beautiful, yeah, yeah what where?
Speaker 2:why, did you guys ever watch that cussing documentary?
Speaker 3:he did listen it's no, but I want to yeah, no, I'm in there.
Speaker 1:Okay, sorry, bookmark that continue, sean hold on.
Speaker 3:I can't remember what it's called the history, the history of swear words. By the way, it's it's good. So I hear, yeah, oh, it's good, go watch the history of swear words, fuck yeah.
Speaker 2:Fuck man, I gotta watch.
Speaker 3:National Treasure real quick. It's 2024 and gender is fluid, and so fuck it Let your free flag fly.
Speaker 2:I just like that he had to specify it's not gay, I'm not gay.
Speaker 3:Yeah. I don't know if it's the internal monologue, but it's also not an internal monologue. It's like this conflict that they're having with themselves. Honestly I thought where they were going to go.
Speaker 2:I thought it was going to go with like is it gay if you're the giver? Like? That's where I thought it was going. Nope.
Speaker 1:Oh, we went interstitial and said are raptors wearing?
Speaker 2:pants.
Speaker 1:Yes, he was in a space suit Also, isn't there a thingy?
Speaker 2:inside Like tucked inside.
Speaker 3:Is this another cloaca question?
Speaker 1:I can't deal with this Can we call Stevie.
Speaker 4:It's 1030. We're not calling him.
Speaker 3:We're not doing that, Sorry everybody.
Speaker 1:Next time, guys, we'll bookmark this one to ask Stevie for the next episode when Sean does part two. No, part two's really short. Sean, you could give the people what they want right now.
Speaker 3:It's not really short. I'm looking at the length of it right now. It's quite lengthy.
Speaker 2:It's quite girthy, would you say. Girthy, yeah Thick.
Speaker 3:It's like earthy, would you say, yeah, thick um it's.
Speaker 1:It's the opposite of daniel, in that it's not a tuna can. That's fair, that's fair, all right then. Fine, fine, sean wins this round, don't worry about it.
Speaker 3:You know short, wider than it is long. Yeah, that's a gross penis.
Speaker 1:Hey, that is judgmental, Dina, and I don't like it Okay.
Speaker 3:Do not judge a man's tuna can. Do not shame him for his tuna can Daniel? Does bring tuna to the orgy.
Speaker 4:And here we are right back at the beginning Full circle, baby, full circle, full circle, baby, full circle.
Speaker 1:Well, we have gone delightfully off the rails. So that means that, guys, if you want to be part of this tuna can discussion, maybe you want to talk about what you would bring to an orgy and, when the appropriate, you know what. We should really ask anthony these questions, because I feel like you'd be the perfectly embarrassed guy at the orgy.
Speaker 3:Questions from the colony next week.
Speaker 1:We're going to have to bring in Anthony on this. But, guys, give us your thoughts on orgies, on Dina's getting arranged marriage, give us thoughts on dinosaurs' romantic interests. Whatever does it for you, we want to hear about it and you can give us a call on our voicemail at 347-69-weird that's 347-699-347. Guys, it's so good to be back.
Speaker 2:I missed you guys so much are you gonna actually let us like schedule more recordings, or are?
Speaker 1:you gonna be.
Speaker 2:You know we're doing this are you gonna make a rundown?
Speaker 1:yeah, I'll make a rundown no, you won't.
Speaker 3:I'm gonna do it again. Yeah, you probably can do it again dina but honestly though that's a gross penis.
Speaker 1:You know what? For all the shit I got offline from you guys about the other subject, this is bullshit.
Speaker 2:I don't know what you're talking about.
Speaker 1:I'm not saying we're not going to do it. Sean knows what I'm talking about.
Speaker 3:Where can they find us on the Internet.
Speaker 1:You know what. First question, dina where can the folks find you?
Speaker 2:Can I go first? Yeah, ma Yo. Yeah, you can find me on twitter, hey, hey. Hey, shut the fuck up bitch. Yeah, you can find me on twitter at dinosaur d. That's d like these nuts. I've also. I've also started threads because I missed Thomas Anthony Lay, so, and he's there dinosaurs, dmi blushing again she hasn't smiled like that in so long.
Speaker 1:You guys, I was gonna marry you, just you, yes and you know what I'm gonna also say, that this episode is dedicated to levi uh for throwing down the gauntlet to force us to record again, uh. So, levi, this one's for you, bud, and you can find me on twitter dan q writes thing. That's dan q writes thing. Singular. It's don't, don't go, uh. I'm also on threads, I think under the same name, I hope I branded You're not, you're not, you're not.
Speaker 3:It's your Instagram and you have two Instagrams for some reason, oh.
Speaker 1:I'm Daniel.
Speaker 3:Quigley office. It's unclear yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, which one? Which one's which? Yeah, that's fair. Just look for me on threads. We're probably going to be friends. Just look for me on threads. We're probably going to be friends. I'm down.
Speaker 2:I post the same shit on both so it's fine.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you can find us on either one, sean. Where can the folks find you bud?
Speaker 3:You can find me on Twitter at Chase Holdu.
Speaker 1:And what are you having for dinner tonight?
Speaker 3:I am having some hot melty, gooey, gooey baked mac and cheese.
Speaker 1:That is worth my lactose intolerance.
Speaker 2:I'm so fucking are you lactose intolerant?
Speaker 1:wow, I didn't realize you were such a weaker species.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you're almost as bad as a vegan, wow.
Speaker 1:Sean, can you bring that mac and cheese to the orgy, or is that too gooey? Like, like.
Speaker 3:I feel like that's way too messy man. You gotta stick with charcuterie.
Speaker 2:Cured meats, fancy cheeses. The meat is greasy though. The meat is greasy though, if you want a grease.
Speaker 3:No lube better than fucking salami grease.
Speaker 2:If somebody's using salami grease as lube, we have a problem.
Speaker 3:Oh, I mean, I don't think they would deliberately use it that way. Yeah, it's just like an added spice to it. Yeah, I think that people should be required to use a toothpick for the charcuterie board if it's so there should be a lot of toothpicks involved to to really yeah, there's like a bowl of used toothpicks on the side. So you like, use one, and then you toss what if somebody?
Speaker 2:likes to wear their clothes during like sex in the orgy like does everybody have to be naked.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's a good question I don't know, I don't wear clothes, okay I had a mind map. I had a mind map oh my god, the first mind map of the new season.
Speaker 2:It's right at the end okay, so I was thinking I was thinking of break bills and the magicians when they have the orgy scene or whatever, and like they're all in, like these roman, like esque outfits, and I was like, oh, they've got clothes on. So like, does everybody simultaneously, simultaneously disrobe?
Speaker 4:there's nothing under the toga.
Speaker 2:I know that but like then, like, oh, I wonder if, because I was thinking of clothes and Daniel was asking about the orgy. So I was like oh, you know how he always wears his socks, where it just covers the toe and not the heel.
Speaker 1:Yep.
Speaker 2:So I was like does he do that during sex? And then I was like, oh, did you know that if a woman wears socks during sex, she faster? And she what she now dina faster so and then I was like yeah, if you wear socks when you have sex daniel's gonna like make miriam wear seven.
Speaker 1:Yeah, 100 yeah, no, that's she loves comfy socks.
Speaker 3:Just oh, honey, you want to get comfy, he's like rolling more and more socks.
Speaker 1:On her feet. Listen, it's a fucking race, so I need as many socks as possible to make sure that she can catch up in time.
Speaker 2:So then, jesus Christ. So then I was like, oh, socks are just like a stepping stone To somebody that like doesn't Want to be naked during sex. And then I was like, if you're like that, when, how does that work in an orgy? Are you just like, no, don't, don't take off my clothes. Like how does it? And yeah, that was the mind.
Speaker 1:Like if you're a never nude. Like if you're Tobias Funke at an orgy. Yeah, god, I need to read this, yeah, I mean, I feel like the orgy would be pretty like. As long as the material would not cause uncomfortable friction with your partners, I feel like there'd be an open-minded people. That would be my guess, I feel like Daniel probably has a grape leaf over his ball bag. Hey man, if it's good enough for Adam, it's good enough for me. I'm making all the biblical jokes just for Dean.
Speaker 4:Oh, we got a snort.
Speaker 1:Yes, my best joke of the day. I will fucking take it. I will take it. That was good. On that note, jazz hands.
Speaker 3:Don't make it weird. On that note, jazz hands. As well as the YouTube Audio Library, you can rate and review this show on Spotify, Apple Podcasts, GoodPods and wherever else you download your podcasts. Got a question for Daniel or Dina? Call the Don't Make it Weird hotline at 347-69-WEIRD, that's 347-699-3473. And leave us a message. It could be featured on a future episode and if you haven't already, please subscribe to Don't Make it Weird on YouTube for the video presentation or on your favorite podcast app for the audio-only version of the show. Thank you so much and we love you.
Speaker 4:Don't make it weird.
Speaker 2:Is that okay?
